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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Session IV of Unknown Armies in which our... "heroes" must deal with various celebrities who've risen from the grave and assumed the characteristics of the Seven Deadly Sins.

 

The Cast:

Tony "Bender" Bendetti -- Mafia made man and dipsomancer.

Paulie "Fender" -- Mafia wheelman

Sam Tsung -- Avatar of the Masterless Man

Elmore James Winchester -- Avatar of the Pilgrim

 

The Undead:

Toshiro Mifune -- Greed

Frank Sintatra -- Gluttony

Ernest Hemmingway -- Lust

John Lennon -- Wrath

Marlin Brando -- Sloth

Estelle Getty -- we don't know

 

This leaves Pride/Vanity and Envy. We also suspect Elvis is heading to Vegas from Graceland. If we meet him, we'll probably be able to determine who Estelle is. Er... was. Sam destroyed her, John, and Marlin. Paulie took out Ernest. And Bender destroyed Toshiro and Frank.

 

Sam Tsung (OOC): How would we know if Yoko Ono came back from the dead?"

 

Bender (OOC): "Standard Unknown Armies Scene Number 23."

 

Paulie (OOC): "[using] Hookers as character witnesses... let's ponder that for a minute."

 

Bender (to Paulie): "I forgive you for running over me."

 

Pauile's OOC observation on life in the game: "I am fate's butt-puppet."

 

Elmore James Winchester: "I wonder what it's like to be a walking corpse?"

Sam (OOC): "Sam doesn't dislike you enough to sat 'Want to find out?'."

 

Pauile (OOC): If you have a Hemmingway lasting more than four hours."

 

Sam comments to the GM on the current state of affairs: "John Lennon is the most dangerous guy in the room right now."

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

I forgot to take notes at last night's Champions game, so I'm going off my (rather spotty) memory here.

 

Sentinel, in secret ID, is tutoring Juan: a handsome, charming, athletic college student from Spain. After he gets a decent grade on his midterm exam, he stops by her place to thank her. Sentinel's husband Frank and adopted 16 year-old daughter Sarah are both there when Juan pulls up on his new Harley. While Frank and Juan are talking about motorcycles, Sarah pulls her mom aside.

Sarah: This is the guy you've been tutoring? He's seriously yummy!

Sentinel: You, in the house! Finish your homework!

Sarah: Gotta say, mom, kudos for showing restraint. (pause) You *did* show restraint, didn't you?

Sentinel: IN THE HOUSE! NOW!!!

 

Juan lets Frank try out his Harley. Being a good guy, Frank drives it with respect.

Juan: Tsk. You drive like my grandmother.

 

[Edit: Forgot this one]

Sarah comes out side with a glass of lemonade for Juan.

Sarah: I thought you might like a nice glass of lemonade.

Sentinel: In. The. House.

GM: (Imitating Sarah) It is awfully warm outside. Maybe you'd like to take off your shirt...

 

Meanwhile, Synergy is patrolling the city when he's attacked by a group of mutant-hunting agents. As they're preparing to open fire on him again, a caped figure flies up and positions himself between Synergy and the agents. (Props to Yar Underwood for the great character.)

Caped Man: Hark ye and listen, foul miscreants! I am Stalwart, a duly deputized member of PRIMUS and latest defender of this fair city. You are hereby notified that you are disturbing the peace, and furthermore you stand accused of illegal actions and are therefore required to cease and desist all actions that would place you in violation of local statues. Lay down your weapons and submit to lawful arrest forthwith, ere I be forced to…

Subliminal (OOC): That's more than a zero-phase soliloquy!

GM (smiles): You're right. He's blowing his second half-phase giving his speech.

 

The agents unload their weapons on Stalwart, blasting him back into, well, more like *through* a building.

Stalwart: "... ere I be forced to disarm you will all appropriate force..."

Sentinel (OOC): He didn't even stop talking? Now, that's tough!

 

After Stalwart applies to join S-Squad, the heroes are looking over his resume, including past names he's had...

Synergy: Captain Incredible? Green Sergeant? Incredible Longhorn? (pause) Flying Thunder?!

 

...and the superhero teams he's belonged to...

Synergy: God's Warriors? In Utah? Are they a Mormon superhero team? (pause) Hey, the last three teams on this list are defunct!

GM: Well, that was over 15 years ago.

 

The heroes are contacting the other teams on Stalwart's resume, starting with the Champions.

Defender: He is a capable, enthusiastic, forthright defender of the peace whom the Champions worked with on several occasions. We never invited him to join; he did ask about joining us at one point but we felt his personality would not be compatible with the team dynamic.

Subliminal: Hey, I like the way he said that! Can we use it?

 

Styx has a side chat with Witchcraft, whom he's dated a few times.

Witchcraft: Really, the guy spent half the time getting blasted through a building or two and then flying back into the fray. It was kinda embarrassing.

 

Serendipity calls the Gold Coast Avengers (in Miami), and she talks to the team's speedster, Bolt.

Bolt: Hey, how's it going, things here are going great, we've had some nice weather, you should really stop down here sometime and visit, we could put you up here, no problem, though you might want to avoid spring break time, it gets kinda nuts down here, but then there's the coeds, so that's good, but hey, you're a girl, so that probably doesn't interest you, but maybe it does, nothing wrong with that, I'm not making any judgements or anything, live and let live I always say, so what can I do for you?

Serendipity: Well, we got an application to join our team, someone named Stalwart, but he was on your team as... (checks resume) yeah, Captain Incredible.

Bolt: Oh, yeah, I remember CI, he left just a little bit after I joined, so I don't know him very well, he's an okay guy, bit of a tool though, I think CI likes to hear himself talk, what with how he verbally browbeats the bad guys with stuff out of, like, a 1950s comic book, can ya belieive it, I mean, who talks like that, but hey, that's the way he is I guess...

Serendipity: Is there someone *else* there I can talk to?

 

The team is discussing what to do about Stalwart, and their team financier (and Serendipity's boyfriend) Aidan Beck is there too.

Synergy: So, what does Aidan think?

Aidan: Well, I...

Serendipity (stage whispering): You don't want him on the team.

Aidan: (looks at the other heroes) I'm being told that, apparently, I don't want him on the team.

 

Serendipity: Look at these teams that fell apart when he was on them! His first team, their financier got convicted of drug trafficking! (Looks at Aidan pointedly)

Aidan (sarcastic): Don't look at *me*, I gave up drug running *years* ago! Seriously, though, it's not like that was Stalwart's fault!

Serendipity: I'm just saying, he's bad luck. And believe me, I know bad luck!

Subliminal: Maybe you could give him some good luck.

Serendipity: Nope, it doesn't work that way. All I could do is give him *more* bad luck.

Subliminal: Ooo. He don't need that.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

I would post from my current Necessary Evil Champions campaign, except…

 

They’re all villains. The dialogue tends to run like a blooper reel from The Osbournes TV show. “$%*@ you, you alien &$*@%. Right in your &*$@%$ ear!”

 

They’re saving Planet Earth, one potty-mouthed tirade at a time…

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

One of Feline Fury's acquaintances was a guy in a full-body furry suit that left only his face exposed. He became officially known as "The Potty-Mouthed Panda", since his first appearance was chasing some guys down and beating the ever-loving tar out of them while slinging a verbal web of obscenity that legend says still hangs over parts of Los Angeles (people only think its smog ;) ). Turns out he was doing a part-time job as a "walking billboard" for a local Chinese resteraunt, the Happy Panda Garden, when these guys robbed someone in an alley and slammed into him while fleeing the scene. He threw down the sandwich board part of his outfit and took off after them, and the color-comment heavy thrashing he gave them was caught on streaming cellphone cam! And a new "hero" is born! :D

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Serendipity calls the Gold Coast Avengers (in Miami), and she talks to the team's speedster, Bolt.

Bolt: Hey, how's it going, things here are going great, we've had some nice weather, you should really stop down here sometime and visit, we could put you up here, no problem, though you might want to avoid spring break time, it gets kinda nuts down here, but then there's the coeds, so that's good, but hey, you're a girl, so that probably doesn't interest you, but maybe it does, nothing wrong with that, I'm not making any judgements or anything, live and let live I always say, so what can I do for you?

Serendipity: Well, we got an application to join our team, someone named Stalwart, but he was on your team as... (checks resume) yeah, Captain Incredible.

Bolt: Oh, yeah, I remember CI, he left just a little bit after I joined, so I don't know him very well, he's an okay guy, bit of a tool though, I think CI likes to hear himself talk, what with how he verbally browbeats the bad guys with stuff out of, like, a 1950s comic book, can ya belieive it, I mean, who talks like that, but hey, that's the way he is I guess...

Serendipity: Is there someone *else* there I can talk to?

 

Kudos for Bolt, both for the mile-a-minute-mouth that is so appropriate, and for the ability to actually talk that way extemporaneously during play. And of course because its a funny quote.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Kudos for Bolt' date=' both for the mile-a-minute-mouth that is so appropriate, and for the ability to actually talk that way extemporaneously during play. And of course because its a funny quote.[/quote']

 

I was particularly proud of Bolt saying, "I think CI likes to hear himself talk". ;)

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

One of Feline Fury's acquaintances was a guy in a full-body furry suit that left only his face exposed. He became officially known as "The Potty-Mouthed Panda"' date=' since his first appearance was chasing some guys down and beating the ever-loving tar out of them while slinging a verbal web of obscenity that legend says still hangs over parts of Los Angeles (people only [i']think [/i]its smog ;) ). Turns out he was doing a part-time job as a "walking billboard" for a local Chinese resteraunt, the Happy Panda Garden, when these guys robbed someone in an alley and slammed into him while fleeing the scene. He threw down the sandwich board part of his outfit and took off after them, and the color-comment heavy thrashing he gave them was caught on streaming cellphone cam! And a new "hero" is born! :D

 

Okay, I could easily believe that happening even in The World They Call Real

 

Lucius Alexander

 

Happy Palindromedary

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Some new Embria stuff (see my sig for pics)

---------------

 

Thieves: *Sneak attack Rhiannon!*

 

Rhiannon's armor: *Bounces half their attacks harmlessly off her armor and she only takes a minor scrape along the ribs*

 

Rhiannon: I detect thieves!

 

Metreon: I dont recall a spell like tha-.... Oh.

 

-------------

 

Metreon: *Finds a scroll, looks at it, and looks...TOO happy*

 

Varga: DONT SMEAR THE INK!

 

---------------

 

Metreon (OOC): This was a cavalcade of suck!

 

---------

 

GM: The walls are racks, once filled with wine bottles. Now they are nearly empty. Broken glass litters the floor. A pair of skinless, drooling dog-things attack you!

 

Rhiannon (OOC): What are they, Booze-hounds? :D

 

----------------

 

Chyra (OOC): *Pompous spoiled-rich-girl voice* I'M an 8th level Undead Aspect Sorceress! Do you think that I would be afraid of this dark hallway? Do you? .... Well youd-be-right! *Dashes out of the room*

 

--------------

Lee: *Hits the Succubus with a Dimensional Anchor spell* She's not going anywhere!

 

Metreon: I love you in a way that your God probably doesnt approve of! :D

 

--------------

 

Rhiannon (OOC): Wow, Varga! A 69 point Critical Hit on a Succubus! Justice just doesnt get any more poetic-ey than that!

 

----------------

 

Metreon (OOC): Im just not comfortable with people under 30 TOUCHING anything! I always want to tell my students "Youre in college now and you THINK youre adults! But youre NOT! So just try not to move, and dont TOUCH anything until an adult, say, someone over 30 or 35, can come and help you!"

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Quotes from a D&D 4 game

 

----------

 

Cast:

Baldronin: Male Dragonborn Paladin

Balinor: Male Half Elf Warlock

Thalin: Male Half Elf Warlord

Annastriana: Female Eladrin Wizard

 

----------

Background: Our Warlord likes to try diplomacy before we kill things. In one encounter, he ended up seducing a Medusa, which lead to multiple amorous negotiations, if you catch my meaning. In a later adventure, he tries diplomacy with a warren of Trolls and fails.

 

Annastriana: Quick Thalin, drop trow!

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Quotes from a D&D 4 game

 

----------

 

Cast:

Baldronin: Male Dragonborn Paladin

Balinor: Male Half Elf Warlock

Thalin: Male Half Elf Warlord

Annastriana: Female Eladrin Wizard

 

----------

Background: The party is beginning their first adventure on the Paragon tier, King of the Trollhaunt Warrens. After a somewhat difficult trek into the swampy wilderness to find the warren, Thalin decided to try diplomacy by knocking on the front door and asking to see the king. After the GM (me) pondered such audacity for a few moments, the troll king arrived with some of his followers, leaving the party outnumbered roughly three to one.

 

Thalin: Well, we tried to be diplomatic.

Baldronin: I blame you for this.

 

Later on, the wizard moved a poison cloud spell to better cover the majority of the trolls, who happened to be tightly engaged in melee with the paladin and the warlord.

 

Thalin: AHHH! STOP HELPING!

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Quotes from a D&D 4 game

 

----------

 

Cast:

Baldronin: Male Dragonborn Paladin

Balinor: Male Half Elf Warlock

Thalin: Male Half Elf Warlord

Annastriana: Female Eladrin Wizard

 

----------

Background: The party is beginning their first adventure on the Paragon tier, King of the Trollhaunt Warrens. After a somewhat difficult trek into the swampy wilderness to find the warren, Thalin decided to try diplomacy by knocking on the front door and asking to see the king. After the GM (me) pondered such audacity for a few moments, the troll king arrived with some of his followers, leaving the party outnumbered roughly three to one.

 

Thalin: Well, we tried to be diplomatic.

Baldronin: I blame you for this.

 

Later on, the wizard moved a poison cloud spell to better cover the majority of the trolls, who happened to be tightly engaged in melee with the paladin and the warlord.

 

Thalin: AHHH! STOP HELPING!

 

I'd rep you if I had the power to do so.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

------------

 

James (ooc): [i was sneezing so had muted my mic, GM asked numerous times for me to repeat how much STUN I had done] 42. 42! 42!! DUDE!!!! FOOOOOORTY TWO!!!!!

 

------------

 

Josh: "SPREAD OUT!" [whereupon he activates his Duplication, forming a line of three duplicates]

 

------------

 

GM: He attacks you and nicks you someplace non-vital...you know, life the neck.

 

------------

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

From Teh Bunneh's Bludmater D&D 4th

 

Boots: Dragonborn Warlord and future car insurance spokesthing

Pax: Human Fighter, a flank unto herself.

Hakkoz: Dwarf Cleric and living wall of velcro.

 

On Backstory:

Boots: "I come from a noble clan; we own lots of mud."

 

On generic boss fights.

Boots: "Ah, Captain Stereotype, we meet again."

 

On inspirational speeches:

Pax: "I rolled a critical success on questioning their manhood."

 

On Dwarven theology

Hakkoz: "I am the patron saint of burning logs."

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

the PC party has inadvertently killed a unicorn.

 

Halfling Illusionist: Let's cook it.

 

Fem.Ranger: Ewwww

 

Wizard: What's it gonna taste like?

 

Dwarf: Skittles.

 

All: What ?!?!

 

Halfling: wait, what flavor Skittles?

 

Dwarf: Pork.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Saturday Night DnD (4th)

 

Alvynn, Gnome Psion in a red robe.

Simon, Halfling Rogue

Dayfyd, Half-Elf Wizard

Urr, Human Barbarian

Seere, Drow Seeker

Malice, Drow Avenger

Giovanni, Dragonborn Warlord

 

The group is hunted by the evil empire. We're trying to clear our names.

 

DM Comment: The wizard attacks with lightning, the barbarian attacks with ax, and the warlord attacks with barbarian.

 

We attack a important NPC

Alvynn: He said he would clear our names.

Dayfyd: That was before we stabbed his face.

 

DM: I'm either critting or missing.

Dayfyd: Story of my life.

 

Urr: He's dead, I'm alive, I get to write the history.

Dayfyd: If you only knew how to write.

 

Confused about the situation...

Giovanni: How did we get here?

Alvynn: Walked.

Giovanni: I mean, in this situation.

Alvynn: Violence.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

We got to play this weekend after a few misses lately due to the flu going around the group...

 

+++++

 

After the team ran into a demonhound which Karex swore was a werewolf in the last session, Karex decided to build a monster hunter's kit for each of the Wardens...

 

Karex mentions that the kit has spray paint and stencils for instant circles of protection when it is pointed out that stencils have gaps in them...

 

Karex: "Perhaps there is a flaw in that plan."

 

+++++

 

The Knight questions Karex sense of team when he uses a water blast around high energy power system.

 

Karex: "Teamwork, yes... you were going to serve as the conduit."

 

+++++

 

The Knight extends his arms out from his sides and looking towards the heavens bemoans...

 

Knight: "Karex for Christ's sake, this technology is not going to be lost. There's Disney, there is money to be made."

 

+++++

 

The team is talking about shopping and needing some equipment, Karex mentions that he always shops at K-Mart because they have blue light specials and alien discounts. When questioned about the alien discounts.

 

Karex: "Whenever I try to pay them, they say just take the stuff and go."

 

+++++

 

Karex comments after someone agreed with him on a point that he and the Knight were arguing over...

 

Karex: "Listen to the wisdom of Karex, Knight."

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

It's time for the final quotes from The ULTICORP Champions, season one. It's December 21, 2012 and a ten thousand year old game between the forces of hell and heaven is about to come to it's final stage. Caught in the middle of it as one of the most important pieces are the ULTICORP Champions:

Silverbolt: Lightning mage. Also a bit of a transmuter, being able to make food out of thing air, and change clothes as a half action. Fond of practical jokes. Starts this mission kidnapped by DEMON.

Mentor: Silverbolt's mentor, a senile old wizard with a habit of talking to objects, made an appearance. Silverbolt's suspicion that he isn't as crazy as he seems has recently been confirmed, as he discovered that his mentor is in league with Mage-Turned-God Trismegistus.

Ultisaur: Genetically modified Brick. ULTICORP's latest genetic super-soldier prototype. His spit is acidic and he's somewhat aggressive.

Steamjack: Steam-powered Power-Armoured Brit. Enough said. Also, he's going slowly mad.

Pinpoint: Asian Acupuncturist hero, and natrual enemy of the Triad. Speedster Cyborg after an incident involving the Triad and an experimental procedure.

Andy: Snot Elemental controller. At 14, he is the team's youngest member, and a constant headache for ULTICORP's legal division (child labor laws being what they are).

 

The first thing on my recording:

Andy: Can we cut someone?

 

Other random comments:

Andy(OOC to GM): We've decided that you should be a double agent.

Silverbolt(OOC about GM): Him breeding, Oh dear gods!

GM: Right, shall we get started? We're only an hour late, that must be some kind of record.

GM: Silverbolt, no viewing your character sheet until you die.

Andy: do I have hiccups? …after the radioactive acid…

Steamjack: Uninstaller? I hardly know 'er!

GM (about Ultisaur, OOC): Do we have a sedative?

Andy: My mother stuffed me. Not like a turkey!

Andy: Do you have a loud, I'm mean small, vacuum cleaner?

Andy: How nice. I have two fingers for picking my nose, and two fingers for scratching mosquito bites.

Ultisaur: That zombie there is my newest improvised weapon.

Silverbolt: They are bound by chains of lightning. Chained lightning, get it?

GM: the rest of the agents act like agents normally do. Stormtrooper effect!!!

GM (looking at DEX chart): We're in Zombie Land. Good movie.

GM: Yeah, the cat attacks Christmas Trees.

GM (Eating a dried fish): Tastes like good quality paper.

Silverbolt: Good rolls are lethal, but take forever to calculate.

GM: Zombie rolls 18; zombie has head buried in sand here. Through pavement.

Steamjack: Must. Refrain. From. Calling. GM faggot.

Steamjack: I abort to name my first born.

Steamjack: I forgot I had an oscillating fist.

Steamjack: We're forcing the GM into pedophilia.

GM: Yes, there will be apocalypse Fallout.

GM: Do not make an attack roll with my cookies!

GM: I have a special knockback dice that… only works in 6th Edition. Right.

Andy: You have teeth of lead.

GM: Steam is hot.

GM: Have You ever tried to shovel dung into a fourteen year old's mouth?

Silverbolt: You just circumcised a demon. Who now has open wounds. In a storm of crap.

Steamjack: I gather my fist, punch strait through the fourth wall, and steal his thoughts.

Andy: We should all fail collage so we can continue this campaign.

Silverbolt: you're flying the Iron Storm, and you're worrying about hitting things?!

Pinpoint: I aim at this horny guy. Er, this guy with horns.

GM: your train now vibrates to the tune of The Final Countdown.

Steamjack: We've lost a lot of crew to suicidal dives.

 

Fortune Cookies:

Silverbolt: What you dish out will come back to you… In bed.

GM: Except in bed.

Silverbolt: Humans invented language to satisfy the need to complain … in bed.

Silverbolt: be smart, be intelligent, and be informed … in bed.

GM: Except in bed.

Andy: Does it really say that?!

Silverbolt: Do what you wish as long as you harm no one … in bed.

GM: ...Except in bed?

The traditional family cooking is an acquired taste:

Ultisaur: I hate to be rude, but you could kill someone with these cookies. Literally bludgeon them to death.

...

Ultisaur: I have to hand it to you, a weapon that doubles as food isn't easy to pull off.

Silverbolt: Why are you eating the hockey pucks?

GM: They're edible.

Silverbolt: That's debatable.

Andy: Tests of manhood; In some countries they put ants on their skin. In Norway, we eat cookies.

 

The recap and events since last session: (current date in campaign world dec 21, 2012)

GM: Signs of the apocalypse have been surprisingly …missing. In fact, most of Silverbolt's clients have been suing the Mayans for fake prophesies.

Silverbolt o O (the Apocalypse doesn't happen and they'll sue for it. Yep, I picked the right profession.)

Ultisaur: Lawyers are like cockroaches. You could nuke 'em and they'd still survive to pee on you.

Andy: And make money doing it.

GM: On the morning of the 21th, Silverbolt is missing.

Ultisaur: The 21th? We have to save Christmas! (chanting) Keep him kidnapped! Keep him kidnapped!

 

A short detour down memory lane:

GM: The first thing you did was attack a DEMON held museum. And destroying a hundred priceless artifacts, nearly tearing the building in two, and destroying a dinosaur.

Ultisaur: That was fun.

Andy: And there was pancakes in the elevator.

GM: your second mission was preventing the second civil war by…

Ultisaur: Beating the confederate army to hell and back.

GM: Pretty much. Then you stole their flag ship train.

GM: Then you raided a VIPER lab, saving Wallace after he was scalyfied.

Andy: Who's Wallace?

GM: The guy you've asked that question about the most times. Lizard cop.

Andy: Oh, yeah. I remember Barney. Barney and us, good times.

GM: You don't remember Barney either, do you?

Silverbolt is missing, the trail ends outside a phone booth:

GM: The Champions standing around outside a phone booth "Oh! It might like in Harry Potter..." "I should dig here." *lick lick* *poke*

GM: Yes, he can track him. The problem is, he walked out of the phone book and then the trail goes absolutely cold.

*pause*

Pinpoint: Why was he in a phone book?

Silverbolt: I'm a listed lawyer…

GM: Phone BOOTH.

Ultisaur: 10, that's a pass.

GM: First of all, there's the unmistakable stench of dung outside the phone bush… Damn you, dyslexics. And the caffeine doesn't help.

 

Ultisaur's special senses provide a vital clue to what happened here:

Ultisaur: "Oi! I smell Morbane, pooh, and death. Possibly related."

Andy: I say why just morn him and move on.

Silverbolt: I'm not dead!

Andy: You pooped, you're dead.

GM: At this point thunder and lightning appears, and ash starts falling from the sky.

Silverbolt: Wasn't me!

GM: Yes it was.

Ultisaur: "I just lost a dollar to Wallace. I knew I shouldn't have bet against the Mayans."

Andy (about the Mobane): He wouldn't be alive if I could split molecules.

Ultisaur: If you could split molecules the world would end.

GM: Actually, delay the ash until he says that.

 

Never argue with the GM:

(this is the later part of a long argument)

Ultisaur: He did get a tracking implant so you could communicate.

GM: I've been through all the recordings, you never got implants!

Pinpoint: Those were ear pieces.

Ultisaur: Oh. Can we track those?

GM: Yes. Roll. ULTICORP contacts.

Pinpoint: That means no. (8- never works)

Pinpoint: Look, I found his ear piece. It was lying next to the booth.

 

The players hurry toward the center of the storm:

GM: You crash into a force field.

Ultisaur: Dig under it.

GM: Doesn't work.

Ultisaur: Spit acid on it.

GM: nope.

Ultisaur: Ok, I'm out of ideas.

GM: At this point a truck arrives.

Pinpoint: Ultisaur, throw the truck at the force field.

GM: No. Cut scene. The truck does a donut, and stops right in front of you.

Silverbolt (expecting his mentor to show up): And guess which old geezer walks out of it.

GM: Well, an old geezer, escorted by no less than four VIPER heavies.

(I love surprising my players)

VIPER Sergeant: "He insisted we bring him here. Said you'd be waiting for us."

Ultisaur: "Ok, you can come with us. But if you turn on us, A: my scales are bullet proof, B: I will spit acid on you."

Steamjack (eyeing the agent's weapons): "They don't use bullets."

Ultisaur: "C: I WILL spit acid on you."

Silverbolt (OOC): They're VIPER, they're probably prepared for that eventuality.

Ultisaur: Lets just ask the old freak to get us through the force field.

GM: Silverbolt, you are now playing the old freak. His words.

Andy: Why is VIPER on our side? Have I missed something?

GM: They hate DEMON, they've been fighting for years.

Silverbolt: You can never have too many enemies. They eventually just get in each others way.

The mentor knows where Silverbolt is, and it isn't inside the force field:

Silverbolt (as mentor): Idiots who hang out with my apprentice. That way!

Ultisaur: Call me an idiot again and I'll spit acid on you.

Silverbolt: Irrelevant. That way.

Meanwhile, Silverbolt is dead:

Silverbolt (looking at the battlemap): Oh, good, you have it all set up. Wait… They crucified me?

GM: They crucified you and drained you of blood.

GM: You are not in heaven, but in some kind of mud hut. An African mud hut with all the masks and drums and everything. (note: The room we're roleplaying in is covered with african masks and drums) Sitting across from you is a man in a gray business suit.

Silverbolt: "I take it your business isn't going so well, either."

Trismegistus: "My business is going perfectly well, thank you. My ten-thousand year old plan is just coming to conclusion."

Silverbolt: "Oh, right, you're that guy. Quick question: Is it your fault that I'm dead?"

Trismegistus: " Sort of. I wrote the prophesy that made them kill you."

Silverbolt(sarcastic): "Thank you so very, very much"

Trismegistus: "Don't worry. As long as your senile mentor and your teammates don't mess up, you'll be back in a jiffy. "

Silverbolt: "Why not just destroy the world now and get it over with."

Trismegistus: "In my defense, I couldn't modify the Prophesy too much, or they wouldn't attempt this thing and the world would end anyway. I'm sort of stuck between a rock and a hard place."

Silverbolt: "Ok then. One last question: Got any popcorn?"

Trismegistus: *pomth* (casts Silverbolt's signature food summoning spell)

GM: It's a random dimension. He tore it out from the time-space continuum around ancient Mesopotamia, for fun.

Silverbolt: Something taken completely out of context, then.

Steamjack: What happens when you remove matter from a point in the time stream?

GM: He replaced the lost matter with food, thus avoiding any side effects.

 

Combat begins:

Silverbolt: I don't have this guy's character sheet, so just tell me when I'm up.

GM: No worries, you have the exact same DEX as Silverbolt.

Silverbolt: Oh great, tied with Steamjack again. Just lower his DEX for being senile, please?

Steamjack: I'm not senile. Oh, wait.

Ultisaur: Where's the closest enemy, I need to kill someone.

Silverbolt: "Oh, that's giving me a lot of confidence. (to Trismegistus) That's the idiot who kills everyone."

Silverbolt (playing the mentor with a cosmic power pool): Why do you let me do these things?

GM: 'cause its an 11- activation roll, and I get to decide the side effects if it fails.

Silverbolt: worth it. So very, very worth it.

GM: stop sign powers should not be used in a power pool, except in very special circumcises. Which boils down to "when it's funny".

Steamjack: Zombies, though. I can use my chainsaw.

GM: Appropriate tools for the job is a +1 OCV bonus.

Discussing the power level of the mentor:

Pinpoint: Senile magician, that's a scary thought.

GM: Yeah. At the peek of him power, he could probably have killed everyone in this room. And you're outdoors.

 

Another dice is dropped on the floor:

Andy: there's a black hole under the table.

GM: Does it contain anything dangerous?

Steamjack: It's a black hole! It contains a lot of … dense. Many, many dense.

Andy: Dense dice.

Steamjack: It's a cubic singularity that could be used as a dice in a pinch, though that's probably not a good idea.

 

The player's have each gotten a damage upgrade from various sources:

Silverbolt: Roll the chainsaw damage. 3d6+1 AP.

Steamjack: It's not armor piercing.

GM: It is now.

Silverbolt: Don't argue with the GM.

GM (doing points calculations): Actually, wait.

Andy: Roll! Roll!

GM: Nope, still 3d6+1 AP.

Counting the damage of our friendly neighborhood Ultisaur:

Ultisaur: 18 BODY.

GM: 30, 40, 50, 60…

Ultisaur: I think he's in GM's Discretion Land.

GM: I think he got knocked completely through GM's Discretion Land and came out on the other side.

Ultisaur: I may or may not have just ripped someone in two again.

GM: 72 stun. That's a campaign record.

Silverbolt: Wait! Knockback!

GM: 18 minus … 3. Roll that again, but add another dice.

Silverbolt: Look at the knockback vector.

3 DEMON agents knocked off the map. The one he punched was at -4 BODY, and -120 STUN.

Ultisaur: I'm doing that again!

Silverbolt (after similar attacks from the other players): bet you weren't expecting us to be this lucky.

GM: I was. I had a backup plan; it's about to initiate.

 

GM hints:

Steamjack: Could I haymaker?

GM: You could. And that would normally be safe, as zombies normally have speed 3, so haymakering this segment would normally be OK.

Silverbolt: that means don't.

 

Ultisaur wants to mess with the DEMON ritual that, unknown to DEMON, will prevent the end of the universe:

Silverbolt: Don't touch it. Don't.

Ultisaur: See, you're saying that, but I'm just hearing "pick up the whole cross and attack someone with it."

Silverbolt: GM? Is he going to doom the entire universe?

GM: Probably.

Pinpoint: Does that count as collateral damage?

Steamjack: That would be a fun end to the campaign, actually.

Ultisaur: Pretty fitting actually.

 

Side effects?

Ultisaur: Get the mage guy over here. Silverbolt needs a rez.

Silverbolt: He's busy putting out the fire on his cloak.

Silverbolt shares his grade sheet:

Andy: F*** you. F*** you hard. In the anus. With a carrot. A spiky carrot.

GM: I've taken a lot of your quotes out of my book, but I'm keeping that one. There is no way of misunderstanding it in a good way.

Steamjack gets knocked out by a zombie who plans to attack him again. Pinpoint is up next:

Pinpoint: I sit down and laugh.

GM: Pinpoint takes a recovery.

A force field is blocking of access to the city center were DEMON is opening a Hellgate:

Ultisaur: how do we get through the force field?

Steamjack: The sewers, of course. The answer is always the sewers.

 

After an insane amount of suggestions for how to handle a situation, Steamjack offers another strange alternative involving ramps, steam trains, a cross and a donkey:

GM: so you're going to…

Steamjack (interrupting): SCIENCE!!!

GM: You don't have the time to build a giant air cannon for the lizard.

Steamjack: SCIENCE!!!

The players decide to simply walk through the obstruction, to face an old friend:

GM: Heading through the maelstrom of mana, you are met with a battle cry of "You bastards! You left me paralyzed on a toilet!". About two tons of dung shortly materializes above your (Pinpoint's) head.

Silverbolt: I abort to catch it in a force wall.

Andy: Was I asleep during this session?

Ultisaur: I wanna throw him off the building.

Silverbolt: Please don't.

*repeat four times*

Ultisaur: I wanna throw him into the orphanage.

Silverbolt: Ok.

Andy: Sure.

Pinpoint: Fine.

The players are currently in a building designed to pull in mana and store it, with the side effect that it's prone to suddenly releasing all this energy when effected by kinetic force (this was established in an earlier mission). Also in the building is an Atlantian Warding Stone which, as well as being known to be able to set up impenetrable force fields, focuses and amplifies mana effects. This ability can be enhanced by an electric device (which has been done here). On site is Captain Collateral (Ultisaur) and a storm mage. A rough estimate suggests somewhere around 200d6.

Silverbolt: "Good evening, sir, would you like to see our menu of apocalypses?"

Steamjack: I just want to say: By burning a lot of ozone, I can pump up to 70 END worth of mana into the building per turn.

Silverbolt: "I suddenly find myself needing to know the plural of Apocalypse."

Pinpoint: Chunk Norris.

Andy makes her/his move:

Andy (pointing at a battlemap model): Can I hit him from here?

GM: Yes… But it's Pinpoint.

Andy: Can I Cannonball him?

Ultisaur: That sounds vaguely dirty.

Pinpoint: It's (s)not.

Andy: I'd like a Snot cocoonie in real life sometimes.

Ultisaur: That's disgusting.

GM: I agree, actually. Not with him, with you.

Ultisaur: I'd like to have acid spit in real life sometimes.

Steamjack: That's disgusting.

Andy: I agree, actually. With Steamjack.

Silverbolt is attacked by a crap based entangle. He sets up a force wall to intercept:

GM: Congratulations on your new cocoon.

Silverbolt: Next phase: hamsterball attack.

Silverbolt: I'm reading the newspaper in there.

GM: You summon today's newspaper. The headline: Apocalypse Now.

Steamjack has steam vented, playing marry hell with everyone's senses:

Pinpoint: Can I feel anyone?

Silverbolt: You realize that anyone you could feel would be covered in fecal matter? This is a battle hampered by how disgusted we all are.

A crap golem is destroyed and knocked into the surround mana storm:

GM: Mechanical effect: Darkness to sight, hearing and smell/taste over the entire area. SPX: The sh** just hit the fan. It's flying everywhere to the point where it is hard to see. Think dysentery.

After a lot of work, the players defeat the crapomancer and open a hole in the force field blocking of the city center. They also now have recovered an Atlantian Warding Stone:

Steamjack: I channel a few END worth of mana into it.

GM: The hole gets smaller.

Steamjack: I channel 70 END a turn into it.

He's knocked out by his teammates.

Ultisaur: Silverbolt? Can you drain away the mana?

GM: This is the mana gained from the sacrifices of five of the world's most powerful mages done on layline intersection points, all from a bloodline that's over ten thousand years old. Including him.

Silverbolt: This I why I never do anything he asks me to.

Steamjack: If I could funnel that through my arcane turbine I could destroy all the world's ozone.

Silverbolt has a vision about what DEMON is going to do:

GM: Your vision has 333 DEMON brothers singing in perfect harmony with 333 demons, making 666 total, duh.

Steamjack: All singing off key?

GM: In front of a massive Hellgate in the city park.

Silverbolt: Everyone into the train. Road trip.

GM (Revealing a battle map of the city park): This was the first battlemap I made, and it was supposed to be used in the final battle of the campaign. Then, last night, it hit me: Nah, they're going to use the Steam Train. (Reveals scaled down map underneath)

Ultisaur: Where are we?

GM: Imagine for a moment that you have a city map. Which you probably do.

Steamjack: It's more of a city etching.

Silverbolt: On the way over there I summon a storm of epic proportions.

GM: There already is one.

Silverbolt: I intensify it.

GM: The sky is bleeding, amongst other things. It's raining custard from the heavens.

Silverbolt: I kept the umbrella!

...

Silverbolt: The ultimate power roll! I want to make it rain holy water.

Ultisaur: Holy Custard!

GM: Ok, it's raining holy water. I need a walk… You broke the DM.

Silverbolt: DM?

GM: See how broken I am?

Silverbolt: Today's weather forecast is holy, with a chance of Armageddon.

The stats on the captured team transport, the Iron Storm, are listed:

Andy: How did we beat this thing in the first place?

GM: You cut of the balloons, pushed it into a ditch, then dug it up again to chase down it's creator.

Silverbolt is still coming to terms with his new form:

Silverbolt: I'm a lawyer and [the holy water] isn't effecting me.

GM: You're an angel.

Silverbolt: How did that happen, anyway?

GM: Remember the stuff the pumped into you on the cross? Angel blood.

Silverbolt: Not very bright, are they?

GM: Remember who altered the prophesy just a little bit?

The morbane's turn; the GM looks over what he can do at the currently extreme range:

GM: That would be stupid. Do you know just how stupid that would be? (rolls INT) You idiot.

Silverbolt: He shocks it, doesn't he.

GM: Yup.

Silverbolt: He shocks the lightning tank. Let us return the favor.

Referring to a zombie model:

GM: It was actually originally supposed to serve as a Daemonhost.

Steamjack: (stares blankly for a few seconds) Oh, right, Dark Heresy, a roleplaying game.

 

Later in the battle (after Ultisaur fell out of the sky and Silverbolt killed a giant demon) Pinpoint figures he should help Ultisaur fight the morbane:

GM: The Chinese guy jumps of the train. It's 250 meters up in the air.

GM: Segment 12. You're airborne. You've moved another 120 hexes.

Pinpoint: I haymaker an attack on the morbane.

GM: Well, nowhere does it say that you have to be stationary to haymaker, and you arrive next segment…

Pinpoint: And I have nothing better to do.

GM: You should do a move through. The velocity damage would be amazing.

Silverbolt: So would the velocity penalty to OCV. Surprise bonus. Surprise bonus!

GM: The demon in between you and the morbane moves to intercept. He whacks at you with his sword.

Silverbolt: Velocity based DCV.

GM: The morbane attacks Ultisaur, taking a bit of a risk.

Pinpoint: Lowering his DCV?

GM: Among other things.

GM: I just realized something horrible.

Players: what?

GM: (pointing at an object directly in-between Pinpoint and the morbane) That is a portal to hell.

GM: Alright. Pinpoint is up.

Silverbolt: You're either gonna have to make an attack roll, or abort the whole thing.

Pinpoint: How do I abort at this point?

Silverbolt: You don't.

GM: First make an acrobatics roll to jump the portal. And god help you if you fail. And me, because I need to figure out what happens.

Pinpoint: God help the devil, for I will poke him.

GM: So -20 on your OCV, and +33d6 damage. Get a +10 coolness bonus.

Pinpoint: I beat my acrobatics by 9, does that help?

GM: You beat it by more than half. Take another +5.

Steamjack: You're being generous today, aren't you?

GM: It's a one in a million, and if he fails his attack roll he takes the whole 40 something dice of damage.

GM: Holy F***, he could spread the attack.

GM: So at the moment 23 DCs plus whatever needle you're using.

Pinpoint: Healing needle!

GM (muttering repeatedly): The f***er, he would.

GM: what DCV did you hit, exactly?

Pinpoint: 13.

GM: He currently has DCV 12. Her is the problem: he has a held action, and he is a smart and resourceful mage. He teleports.

Silverbolt: Can I abort to counterspell?

Silverbolt: So I need a 9 or less. (rolls) 11.

The rolled six then mysteriously turned to a two.

Counting the damage of the attack:

GM: You put the Final Countdown back on, I'll do the Final Countdown.

40 BODY, 138 STUN, and -2 on the knockback roll. We didn't bother rolling the damage from the knockback.

Pinpoint: He crashes into the morbane at 178 km/h, creates a 50 meter deep crater, then gets back up "I'm ok" .

 

Steamjack lands the train on the portal to hell:

Silverbolt: There goes my cool idea for wrecking it.

GM: You'd think the business end of a Flying Steam Train would be cool enough.

Steamjack: Which end is the business end? All of them!

The after action report:

GM: DEMON tried and managed the same thing in London.

Pinpoint: Hellgate London? Interesting.

GM: In other words, the weather in London has improved.

GM: So ends season one of the ULTICORP Champions.

Silverbolt: Even when we save the world from utter destruction, the collateral we cause is quite spectacular.

GM: Season two actually has slightly more intrigue.

*worried looks from several players*

GM: There will still be plenty of combat and explosions, of course.

 

To finish off, here are some of the epic things that occurred:

GM: End of Segment 4: harpy reinforcements arrive. Beginning of Segment 5: Pinpoint jumps twelve meters straight up, places a pair of needles neatly into the nerve centers controlling their wings, lands here, and the reinforcement crash down on either side of him, and are knocked out.

GM (After the holy rain): This must be what the apocalypse would be like. If it was happening to hell. The flights of harpies patrolling the area become screaming missiles as they crash, bleeding, into the ground. The morbane, hooked up to a PA system, curses so loud it rocks the nearby buildings. The few windows that still have glass in them shatter. The hell hounds running around wither and die like weeds sprayed with acid. The morbane takes flight, with a pair of greater demons. The greater demons are the size of your steam train, and look like the Balrog, except the rain is putting out their fires.

GM: All the hiding civilians scattered around the inner city have been listening to this creepy chanting for hours, and then the ULTICORP Champions arrive and start playing this loud enough to drone out DEMON. (The Final Countdown starts playing) Having turned the train into a giant speaker. A pair of UNTIL jetbikes arrive and move into wingman positions on either side of the train.

GM: Pinpoint jumps off the train, goes into standard skydiving position, and takes aim towards the black winged Morbane. While moving at 178 kilometers per hour, he leapfrogs over a portal to hell using the opportunity to refine his aim. Just before hitting the Morbane He lets out a cloud of needles, and hits every nerve center with them. He then bounces off him, transferring enough pure kinetic energy to create a crater 50 meters deep. He then lands on his feet directly in front of Ultisaur, and begins dusting off. He's attacked by the last of the Mega-Demons, but Ultisaur punches it, and Steamjack finishes it off by landing the steam train on it and the portal to hell.

GM: The sky starts clearing up, with the first ray of sunshine coming down as a pillar of light on Silverbolt, expanding out to your gathering comrades. The wave of light dispelling the ash filled darkness moves out to take in the destruction of the scene, from the steam train park in a pile of rubble next to a crater; to the corpses and demon parts and custard lying around the city park battlefield; to the ruins of the inner city, where most of the buildings are in pieces; the dead harpies scattered over the few still standing buildings. Past the ULTICORP main building, where Agent Wallace is just finishing up the last demon in the lobby, before squinting up at the sudden light. The surviving UNTIL agents wander over to him to look out at what left of the city. It hits the force field surrounding the inner city, which then collapses, and the buildings that the force field has gone through collapse around it as the wave of light reaches them. It expands ever further outwards until the entire city is drowning the angelic light of a dawn they never thought would come.

Ultisaur: In other words, just how Detroit used to be.

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