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Darren Watts

Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

When we last left our alleged heroes, during their ill-conceived raid on a certain degenerate seaside town, things weren't going outstandingly well. True, the sub had successfully torpedoed the thing that tried to swallow it whole, and the squad of marines at the mansion had successfully apprehended a senile old woman in a wheelchair, but the other units not so much. The squad at the Masonic Hall, for example, was already well below half strength before they even got to the door. And the ones in the smuggler's tunnels just had something black and polymorphic drop onto one of their number, sprout dozens of hooked teeth and yellow, glutinous eyes, and make a spirited attempt to bite that soldier's head off. The response from the rest of the squad was to blow both thing and soldier away with a hail of bullets and a flamethrower.

 

This didn't seem to do their mental equilibrium any good. Three of them promptly deserted, and the rest don't seem to be taking Kaye's anecdotes about the ex-wife Vera very well anymore.

 

Gunnery Sergeant Smeltz
: If you give one more goddamn story about Vera I'll do to you what that thing just did to him

Lance Corporal Kaye
:
*pats his flamethrower, also named Vera*
You got a problem, take it up with Vera

Gunnery Sergeant Smeltz
: Damn boy, it sounds like everybody in your whole village did!

Lance Corporal Kaye
: Hell sarge, how did you know?

Gunnery Sergeant Smeltz
: You won't shut up about her!

 

Smeltz calls in a Broken Arrow on his location. In military parlance of the period, that means bomb the hell out of the location called from. The first shells arrive seconds later.

 

Smeltz
dodging collapsing tunnel beams
: **** me, that was quick.

 

But the shelling was accidental - On the three navy boats offshore things have gone downhill so fast the Urania has opened fire on the harbour with three-inch guns.

 

Smeltz OOC
: Seaman Shoots Siege Shells At The Sea Shore

 

At the gold refinery, J. Edgar Hoover orders his agents to seize some of the small pieces of outré goldwork as evidence.

 

Ian
: Underwear mainly. Ladies' preferred

Purrdence
: Wouldn't he prefer the tiaras?

 

Under the northside slums, Squad Able attempts to beat a retreat, and start fretting about whether the thing they toasted really is dead, despite following up with bayonets.

 

Private Anzack
: I poked it.

Gunnery Sergeant Smeltz
: You poked it, Kaye poked it, I poked it...

Private Anzack
: We all poked it.

Gunnery Sergeant Smeltz
: ****ing Vera again!

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

City of the Edge on hiatus - we play the BSG boardgame expansion instead

 

Adama
Regarding
Galen Tyrol
's Blind Devotion trait
: He's just like a puppy. Sometimes he's slavishly loyal, sometimes he pisses on the floor.

 

Within two turns the Galactica is surrounded by 14 raiders, multiple heavy raiders, four Cylon BaseStars, *and* we have a Centurion boarding party on the ship. And no Jump prep.

 

Galen
: I'd like to go now

Admiral Adama
: We *all* want to go now

 

Successfully avoiding the Unexpected Reunion penalty by all of us throwing as many cards at the problem as possible

 

Starbuck
: We really, *really* didn't want to sleep with Ellen Tigh

Adama
: Sorry man, but your wife is skeezy

 

Zarek
: .. Or we can lose one point on the food counter.

Galen Tyrol
: Loose the food. We throw cans of Spam at the Cylons.

 

Adama repeatedly fails to kill the boarders.

 

Galen Tyrol
:
*moves to Armoury*
Fixed your gun, sir.

Adama
: Thanks, chief
*blazes away, misses again*
I thought you said you fixed this?

Galen Tyrol
: I didn't say I *
reloaded
* it

Adama
: Here, you have a go - I'll herd them towards you.
*flaps arms, CAW! CAW!*

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

A quote from Saturday's Call of Cthulhu session I forgot to include

 

Kyu_kage, riffing on the likelihood of the marines getting mauled half to death by assorted squamous or rugose horrors, and coming out of hospital with grotesque injuries, severe mental illness, and addiction to painkillers.

 

"The Mighty Morphine Power Rangers. Confronted with a giant glowing head whilst coming down. 'Oh mean, you mean that's real?!? We thought it was a flatscreen TV!'"

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Well, sunnovagun! I had no idea you could do that either!

 

(For a pretty bright guy, Im feeling pretty dumb today) ;)

 

Too bad we can't just change your name temporarily to add "doesn't know how to...";)

 

Lucius Alexander

 

The palindromedary thinks Lucius is an example of the pot calling the input jack:whistle:

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

The half-elven monk is using maple leaf shaped shurikens,

you know, in honor of his elven heritage.

 

Monk: breakfast is the most important meal of day,

Druid: especially if its your last.

 

 

Wizard: Do you give up, varlets?

Varlet: May I at least put out my fires while I surrender sir?

Druid: yes, with your tears.

 

 

Druid: while our enemies bleed, I heal the horses.

 

 

 

Monk was singing :

"I crossbowed a man in Brevoy , just to watch him die

now every time you cast a cantrip, I hang my head and cry.."

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

I GMed at a con this last weekend (Cape Girardeau Comic Con btw) and during one of the PFS scenarios the party is facing a Ghoul Cleric. The party bard starts inspiring with a chant...

"Two, Four, Six, Eight,

Hope He don't Cast Enervate!

Go, Pathfinders!"

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

In a game I run on Saturdays, I advised a player (whose character was stealing air-tanks to go diving with another character) - "You have 60 minutes of oxygen."

To which another player then immediately asked - "How long will that last?"

 

Took us a good 10-15 minutes to return to the game...

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Last night's Amber Diceless RPG session....

 

Thank-you for posting, sir. These quotes are hysterical...and all-too-familiar (though in our case, the "Trouble Twins" were named Quinlan and Darius). You are Repped.

Amber Diceless FOREVER!

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Okay, from Monday's "Descent" game -

 

Geoff's setting up the dungeon level and is laying the traps. Illya asks "You're fond of those traps, aren't you Geoff?" or likewise and Geoff comes back with "It's Trapmaster Geoff versus the Red Scorpion Massive".

 

It made sense in context.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Quotes from our brave changeling's attempt to save Earth from a fate best described as "A Post-apocalyptic Victorian Mars as governed by Skynet's Big Brother the immortal unkillable iron-immune dangerously genre savvy fae Dragon also known as Magneto". After allowing (if not out right begging) him to take power in the first place.

 

Some choice events from the first year of Dzarûmazh Rex's rule over Britain:

April 28th: Form the blood of his subjects' first born children he forged his Iron Sword.

July 2nd: The Breeding Factories are finished and powered up, optimizing the process of creating new citizens.

August 1st: Art is over. With the creation of the portrait of the King the disciple of art, having thus fulfilled its original function, is concluded.

August 12th: The Corpse Engines begin converting dead flesh into servile undead revenants, eager to rejoin the fray. Thus, Britain proves that it is yet again spearheading the implementation of recycling and renewable energy into a modern State.

September 21th: The Burning Gates manage to rip open a gate to Faerie, creating an unprecedented beachhead into these lands. Tir na Nog falls within the week.

October 22th: Another feeble and cowardly attack by the UN against our nation is repelled by our Majesty, the enemy's planes torn from our skies.

February 15th: The first batch of soldiers to be produced from childhood until adolescence are sent through the Burning Gates to seize Cair Paravel. Not a single one falls against the armies of the Reborn Lion.

March 27th: Through a spineless conspiracy to overthrow our great nation, the states of Israel, Iran, India and the USA jointly unleash their nuclear arsenals against Dzarûmaz. To quote our almighty Majesty in that moment of glory, "I am rubber, you are glue; bounce off me, and sticks to you."

The quotes without context:

GM: How do you handle obnoxious ravens? Suduce them!

...

GM: Little known fact about ghosts, they're allergic to people.

...

GM: According to Merlin. Who's insane. And dead...

...

Tom: This is no time for improvisation! I try what didn't work last time.

...

Malcom: Cyborg Tree!

 

A mission to find and recruit Dracula is proposed:

GM1: He'd come over in a heart beat.

GM2: Or lack of one.

 

Powers are free if certain conditions are met:

Malcom: I get it for free if I scream...

GM: That's what she said!

Malcom: What?

GM: I have no clue.

 

The plan is to sneak in in the shell of a Laser Cow (don't ask):

Malcom: A Trojan horse?

Doom Digger: A Trojan Cow, surely.

GM: A wolf in sheep's clothing.

Doom Digger: A changeling in cow's clothing.

 

We face the Worm-That-Walks, a horribly lethal opponent. Malcom is the only one who's seen him before:

Doom Digger (As Laser Cow): Moo.

Worm-That-Walks: What?...

Doom Digger: Statement: Moo?

Malcom (recognizing the voice): RUN!!!

*Bursts head out from Laser Cow's midsection (he was the front legs) and runs for the hills, using his ogre strength to carry the rest of them with him.*

...

Malcom: He's horribly dangerous.

Tom: Does he burn?

Malcom: Sure. Fire and lightning was how... we... Killed... him. Damn.

 

We're infiltrating a facility, who, as it turns out, are doing horrible things to a young boy:

Malcom (pretending to be a soldier): Reinforcements are inbound, there are rogue changelings in the area. *See's what they're doing* F*** Subtle.

*Three seconds later all hostiles in the room are out cold*

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

A light week for Amber quotes (forgot to write them down, again), but here goes:

-----

Before the session starts, Alaric's player goes in search of beer:

 

Vincent (OOC): BTW, if you're having trouble finding it, the bottle opener is a magnet on the fridge.

Alaric (OOC): Aha! You lied to me! The bottle opener is actually TWO magnets on the fridge!

-----

Sharp-eyed readers may detect a recurring theme from earlier sessions:

 

Leandro: Let's see... I could go talk to Dworkin with Alaric and Conrad, or I could do something useful.

Quintus: I'm going to find the wine cellar. You're welcome to join me.

Leandro: No, I think I'll just take a nap.

-----

Dworkin: A reflection of the Pattern and a reflection of the Logrus, in the same place? Impossible!

Conrad: We have it on good authority that Oberon described it as 'a natural phenomenon'.

Dworkin: Well, sure, that too.

-----

Another recurring theme...

 

Alaric (OOC): I don't understand why no one trusts me. I'm so nice, and likable, and reliable, and trustworthy!

Leandro (OOC): Just like the rest of us!

Alaric (OOC): Right. Only nice, and likable, and reliable, and trustworthy.

Conrad (OOC): Whatever you say, Mr. "I Pass Secret Notes to the GM Every Five Minutes."

Alaric (OOC): I do that as a courtesy. This way, I don't deprive the rest of you of valuable playing time. Otherwise, I'd be grabbing the GM and dragging him into the other room constantly.

Conrad (OOC): We don't do that, either.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Some of the quotes from one of the latest Wardens' sessions...

 

+++++

 

Karex is happy with the news of more Yricians arriving and contacts the Knight.

 

"Good news, there are more Yricians in the city," says the little gold-scaled one via communicator.

 

The Knight wonders aloud, "What is up with them, we had the fish fry and they didn't show up."

 

+++++

 

Karex concludes by saying, "They are Fixers. They do the How and are not concerned with the Why."

 

+++++

 

Eon strikes the driver's side front fender putting a large dent in it.

 

Indigo looks at eon and shakes her head, "You make no sense, this creature didn't do anything to you."

 

Eon once again tries to explain that he and the Knight had a plan.

 

Indigo still shaking he head says, "You should take care of your creatures, not beat them."

 

+++++

 

When they stop at a traffic signal, Eon tells her what it is and that it is used to control traffic.

 

Indigo looks at him with a puzzled expression and asks, "You put fire in the sky to control traffic?"

 

+++++

 

Karex explains that he wishes to speak with them about their work visas and papers.

 

"You mean they are illegal?" inquires Carlos.

 

+++++

 

Wrixton responds "not shot down, ship old, it broke."

 

Eon points to Karex and says that the scout observer says that Yrician technology never breaks.

 

Wrixton starts laughing and looks like he is having a fit.

 

Eon looks at Karex and says, "Never breaks, huh?"

 

Karex replies "I guess that is why we have a Fixer caste."

 

+++++

 

Karex replies that Benjamin Franklin was an experimenter and knew the basics of what he was doing when he flew his kite with a key on it during a lightning storm.

 

"I did not know that you studied American History," comments the Knight.

 

"I watched it on television," replies Karex.

 

"I should have known," states the Knight.

 

+++++

 

Indigo talks with Karex and Eon about her vision and that it could not have been England were the girl was killed.

 

Karex looks thoughtful for a moment then says, "It looks like we have a mystery here."

 

Eon replies, "Yes a mystery. Better get Shaggy, Scooby and the gang."

 

Indigo with a puzzled look on her face says, "What?"

 

"I do not get the reference either," states Karex.

 

+++++

 

Shane yells out to the Knight.

 

"You have a fan," says Karex.

 

"Not a fan, just wait until it gets dark," replies the Knight.

 

"Oh, I did not realize you had that kind of relationship," quips Karex.

 

+++++

 

Shane tells Karex a little about his transforming into a demon after sunset. Karex asks if someone would try and detect evil or magic on the demon boy. He turns to Indigo as he asks the question. The Knight says that it will not be necessary because it has already been done.

 

"I thought that Yricians did not have magic," comments Eon.

 

"That is why we rely on experts," responds Karex while gesturing towards Indigo.

 

Karex then asks what the demon boy can do.

 

"I said wait until dark," replied the Knight.

 

+++++

 

"I have different goals, unlike my brothers and sisters who are truly evil," states Shane.

 

Karex looks at Indigo and says, "You two have something in common. His family is evil, too."

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Myself, describing a skeletal warrior: "...He's wearing shiny chainmail."

Brother: "How old is the corpse?"

"The, uh, spell that raised it cleaned it off."

Brother: Giving me a descriptive look.

"It's magic, ok?"

Brother: Giving me a descriptive look.

"It's a fantasy world. 'A Wizard Did It' is a perfectly rational and acceptable explanation in a fantasy world."

Brother: Giving me a descriptive look.

"Fine. It's rusted around the edges, but perfectly sound otherwise."

Brother: Giving me a satisfied look.

 

Transcribed from memory.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Jervis J. Sterling is the name of my Explorator character for 40K Rogue Trader.

 

He's a tech guy,and has all the latest equipment:

He's got a PDA, (memeograph), he's got a tricorder, (auspex)

and a radio, (vox-caster), and a video cam (vista-vox)

and a cell phone. (micro-bead)

 

but because of the campaign tone, these are all contained inside two devices:

 

one is a baby named Dominiq, and the other is a servo-skull name Dalliance.

 

So when he gets a call, the baby sings the ring-tone, and he talks to

the baby during the "phone conversation"

 

(not really a baby, it's techno-genetic construct that looks like a cherub,

but has a rudimentary personality and has embedded tech in its body)

 

Dominiq Cherub_1.jpg

 

 

Dalliance devastators_servo_skull_1_large_sm.jpg

 

now this lil dude is made from a human head, and flies around doing its tasks.

 

 

===========================================

 

So we're in the cantina looking to make a deal with a salvage merchant,

we've out maneuvered the other Rogue Trader also looking to muscle in on our deal.

He leaves the table in a huff, but leaves a box of cigars for the salvage captain,

as a way of thanking him for his time.

 

Dalliance hovers on up, points at the cigars, and squawks.

then my skills tell me its a listening device, (vox-thief)

 

so I have Dominiq sit with the box and sing all my ring tones into the microphone.

 

so while we got the lowdown on the salvage rights and its coordinates,

the other trader got this:

I shouldn't have let you go, I must confess, that my loneliness

Is killing me now, Don't you know I still believe

That you will be here, And give me a sign

Hit me baby one more time, Hit me baby one more time.

 

===========================================

 

one player hadn't finalized his character yet, couldnt decide on Administratum or Psyker.

 

after the GM described the awful and byzantine bureaucracy of 40K to the group,

including the hellish audits of a Rogue-Trader's books,

that player said: the admin guy thought long and hard about his career as a bureaucrat,

and got out his bolter, and lovingly held it in the roof of his mouth, and pulled

the trigger to full auto.

 

just after the funeral, his telepathic brother joined the group.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

one player hadn't finalized his character yet, couldnt decide on Administratum or Psyker.

 

after the GM described the awful and byzantine bureaucracy of 40K to the group,

including the hellish audits of a Rogue-Trader's books,

that player said: the admin guy thought long and hard about his career as a bureaucrat,

and got out his bolter, and lovingly held it in the roof of his mouth, and pulled

the trigger to full auto.

 

just after the funeral, his telepathic brother joined the group.

 

Hmm. Just wait until he discovers all the joys of being a Psyker.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Hmm. Just wait until he discovers all the joys of being a Psyker.

 

Eh, worse comes to worse he can always feed himself to the emperor.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

...This is a prime example of why I won't play Warhammer.

 

40K is one of the archetypal examples of Crapsack Universe over at TVTropes

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