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Quote of the Week from my gaming group...


Darren Watts

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Recapping the game

 

Me
: Let's see - two units have already played Frag The Lieutenant, two thirds of the troops are already dead, wounded, AWOL or insane, and J Edgar Hoover and his treasury agents found the THING in the refinery basement and are running for their lives.

Purrdence
: And it's quite hard to run in heels.

 

During the escape, with the refinery collapsing around their ears, the vats of molten gold collapse, spilling deadly precious lava across the foundry floor. Most of the team scramble for safety. One doesn't make it.

 

Treasury Agent OOC
: "If he's going to die, he might as well do it spectacularly!"

 

Although Agent Mackey survived the flood of molten gold, his feet and ankles were cooked :

 

Col. Lancaster
eulogises
: "So, Mackey managed to rescue $4,000 worth of gold as 'evidence'. His medical bills were $8000. But in recognition of his service the United States Government presented him with a set of gold-plated legs. His."

 

Out at sea, confusion reigns on the sub with most of the crew beguiled by the sweet alien chanting from the depths, and the Irish chief engineer barricades himself into the engine room simultaneously trying to electrify the hull, put the sub into reverse to get the hell out of there, and drown out the siren song with his own Terpsichorean efforts.

 

Engineer
: Oh Danny Boy, the pipes, the pipes –
glug-glug-bash
THUD
– are calling...
CRASH, WRENCH
.....

2nd Officer
joining in
: FROM GLEN TO GLEN

Engineer
:
CRASH, WRENCH
hang aboot, I have to put her intae reverse

2nd Officer
: *
singing
* sepip eht, sepip eht, yoB ynnaD hO

 

Lets just say that the US Government isn't coming off too well in the raid on this small New England town. Certainly, the loss of three navy cutters and an entire sub crew, let alone the carnage on shore and all the shelling of civilian targets, is going to take quite a lot of covering up. But not to worry, J Edgar Hoover is along, I'm sure he threaten any editors that try to take an interest.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Part 1. (Hopefully I can post more later.)

 

Preparing for last night's Champions game, which was set at a decomissioned Atlas missile base in upstate New York. I have the maps of the "Undergound Lab" (based off an Atlas base) from Steve Jackson Games, but had to draw the above-ground details on my hexmap. The new owners (the Conquerors, updated from 4th edition) have tried to disguise the former base by, among other things, putting up a helicopter hangar by the silo doors, and painting those silo doors to look like a helipad.

 

Wife: What's that?

Me: That's where the silo doors are.

Wife: No, that looks like a helipad.

Me: Then I guess it's doing its job pretty well. (clipped explanation) If *you* fell for it so easily, the players probably will, too.

Wife: I doubt it. They know how you think. They're too used to you. (Sadly, she's pretty much right.)

 

The situation: The heroes of S-Squad have temporarily allied with Hellbent, leader of the Masters of Speed, to locate and rescue Cheetah. She is being held as "insurance" by the shadowy criminal organization (named Moriarty) that hired the MoS to attack S-Squad and recover a computer disc. Long story. The heroes flew to New York in their captured alien spacecraft, invisible to radar, but it requires a mentalist's presence onboard or else key systems shut down.

 

GM: So, you've tracked Cheetah how?

Synergy: We're using a magical tracking spell that Rubicon [an NPC hero] helped me put together.

GM: Um.... Rubicon's with you? :eek: 'Cuz I didn't include him in the speed sheet.

Synergy: Well, then, he's staying on the ship. With his spells, he can fake mental powers.

GM: (whew!) That works! Thank you!

 

After I've described everything the heroes can see:

 

Sentinel: Want me to use my x-ray vision to see what's underground?

Styx: No, not yet. It seems that lately, everybody we fight has radiation detectors to tip them off when you're around.

GM: (whistles innocently)

 

They have her take an x-ray "snapshot" anyway, and discover the underground complex, including the missile silo, the control center, and the tunnel leading to the house on the property.

 

The heroes also find some hired guns in the house and jump them. The mercenaries include Doubletap and the Hong Kong Kid, both of whom Styx had fought a few years ago, severely injuring HKK. When the heroes teleport to the house, they surprise-attack Doubletap as he's walking back inside after a smoke break. He goes down under a coordinated pounding by five superheroes.

 

Subliminal: Well, they say cigarettes are bad for your health...

 

Hong Kong Kid (spotting Styx): YOU! I know you! You put me in the hospital!

Styx: Well, then this is gonna feel a lot like deja vu...

 

Weasel (IIRC from 4th edition's High-Tech Enemies) takes a swipe at Hellbent, practically disemboweling him (took him to 1/2 his normal BODY in one shot) but doing no STUN. The player guest-running Hellbent has him continue to run around (now desolid!) and attack targets of opportunity.

 

Styx (pointing to Hellbent's midsection): You might wanna bandage that, y'know. It looks like it hurts.

 

During the battle, Hellbent did a move-by on a man in a uniform-looking suit and tie. They soon discovered he was just a helicopter pilot with no powers and no armor.

 

GM (as the player rolls 12d6): Ooookay. Add it up and subtract.... 3. Don't worry about the STUN. Just tell me how much BODY gets through.

Hellbent: Oops! :nonp:

 

Subliminal: I'll teleport the guy to our base. They can bandage him there.

GM: All the way to your base? That'll take a while.

Subliminal: (indignant) I can teleport 100 kilometers!

GM: And... your base is in Chicago. You're currently in...

Subliminal: ... New York. Crap. I forgot!

(Luckily, their ship has a medical bay.)

 

Sentinel was also slightly injured by Weasel and lost the STUN Lotto so she was into GM-Discretion-Land. Serendipity grabs her and flies to the helicopter which was sitting by the helipad.

 

GM: It's an executive helicopter, very nicely appointed. There are two seats up front for the pilots, and in the back are two seats facing the rear and three seats across from them facing forward. It's a Sikorsky... I forget the model, it's somewhere in my notes if you care.

Serendipity: I get in the back with Sentinel.

GM: Want some champagne?

Serendipity: They have champagne back here? :D

Synergy (smiles): She's in the back seat with Sentinel... ;)

GM (fails his KS: Innuendo roll): What?

Synergy: They're both in the back... seat...

GM: Oh! Yeah! (Bow-chicka-bow-bow)

Synergy: If the chopper's rockin', don't come a-knockin'!

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Part 2:

 

After Sentinel wakes back up and everybody's injuries are healed, the heroes go inside through the steps in the house. They disable the locks on the vault-style doors and make their way to the command center. There, they find the Conquerors (4th edition converted versions of Neutron, Arc, Ankylosaur, Wyvern, Nightshade, and Mentalax) waiting for them. Subliminal creates an Image (affects sight, hearing, mental, and touch) of Hellbent running up and slapping Neutron. Meanwhile, Subliminal is standing nearby, invisible to the same sense groups.

 

Neutron (noticing that the "Hellbent" he sees doesn't show up on Radar): Ooo, going desolid without the visible effects. Tricky! (then notes the radar image of Subliminal standing a few hexes away) Oh, wait, no! That's after-images! I've seen other speedsters pull that, but it's a new one for you, isn't it, Hellbent! (Does a TK grab on Subliminal, thinking he is Hellbent.)

Subliminal: :(

 

Serendipity (OOC): I hit Ankylosaur with my Gremlins in the Gears powers and dispel his armor.

GM: Which part are you trying to dispel?

Serendipity: Um.... all of it?

GM: Nope, it only works on any ONE tech power.

Serendipity: Okay, how about his big gun?

Styx; No good. You'll never roll enough effect. Go for something smaller, like a force field.

GM: He does have one of those. [Note: It's only 5 PD, 5 ED, Hardened]

(Serendipity rolls the to-hit and prepares to roll her 20d6 Dispel.)

GM: Don't bother. It's hard for you to *not* dispel his Force Field.

Ankylosaur: What the *#%!@&*@!?

 

[Edit for above: S-Squad was Mind Linked, so I allow players to discuss each others' options a bit, as long as it's not excessive.]

 

Sentinel tries to use her hard radiation (NND vs. LS: radiation, does BODY) to disable Anky's tail cannon, only to discover that his battlesuit does indeed have LS: radiation. So on Serendipity's next action, after Anky re-starts his force field, she Dispel's his LS.

 

Ankylosaur's Armor: (Sound of seals disengaging all over the armor)

Ankylosaur: WHAT THE *#%!@&!*@! IS GOING ON?!?

 

His armor unsealed, Sentinel manages to disable his tail cannon Multipower, so Anky calls for help.

 

Ankylosaur: Wyvern! Get over here and take out that b****!!!

(Wyvern flies over and takes a swipe at Sentinel, doing minimal damage thanks to a low Stun Mod roll)

Subliminal (OOC): I mind control Ankylosaur to tell Wyvern to go hunt for me instead.

GM: Hmmm... he *really* doesn't like what she did to his armor. But then again, NOBODY likes mentalists, so yeah, I think it works.

Ankylosaur: Wyvern, forget her! I can smash her with my tail! Go get Subliminal!

Wyvern: ... ooookay. (grumbles) Should make up your mind. (Flies across the room, realizes he has *no* way to detect Subliminal) (shrugs) Sublimeeenal! (looks under computer console) Where aaaaare you?

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

I am running a Champions game with my two elementary school-aged kids. They enjoy playing superpowered people, but are still working on the heroic aspects of it. In our last session the heroes were sealed inside a robotics lab with a swarm of deadly spider-bots that had been programmed for the infiltration of enemy bases. Of course the programming malfunctioned and so the heroes were there to stop the robots and save the technical staff.

 

Players:

Iceman (my son): Same as Bobby Drake of the X-men but with a different secret ID

Whirlwind (my daughter): mage with weather powers

Shadow (my wife): Mutant with shapeshifting powers

Rumble (me): Mentalist/martial artist

 

Shadow:"Do the lab techs have any spare clean-room suits that I could borrow?"

GM:"Yes, although they seem puzzled you should ask for one."

Shadow:"In case I get hit by one of the robots electrical attacks."

Whirlwind:"Will they make us immune to electrical attacks? Can I have one too then?"

Shadow: "It isn't for protection. If I get hit with an electrical attack, my shapeshifting shuts down and I revert to my true form."

Iceman:"So what? We know your Secret ID already."

Shadow: "Yes, but I can't shapeshift clothes, so I don't normally wear them. If I get eletrocuted I might end up naked, and the robots aren't going to stop to laugh."

Both the kids did laugh. It took several minutes to restore order.

 

GM: "You can hear the spider-bots scuttling around in this next lab area, but they have killed the power to lights so you can't see them, except for Iceman because he has IR vision."

Iceman: "Yes! I don't have to worry about getting surprised!"

Whirlwind: "Great for you. I'll wait outside while you fight the spider-bots."

Iceman: "Maybe you could start a fire with one of your lightning bolts so we can all see."

Shadow: "I'll ask one of the technicians if they have a flashlight; surely they must have a flashlight somewhere."

Whirlwind: "Yeah, but if we start a fire we can burn the lab down and then we won't have to fight them at all."

Rumble: "Uhh, you realize that the military isn't going to be happy with us for destroying millions of dollars of equipment..."

Iceman: "Isn't that why we have secret IDs?"

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Weasel (IIRC from 4th edition's High-Tech Enemies) takes a swipe at Hellbent, practically disemboweling him (took him to 1/2 his normal BODY in one shot) but doing no STUN.

 

 

 

How'd that happen, unless the "You take 1 STUN for every BODY you take" rule went away in 6th?

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

How'd that happen' date=' unless the "You take 1 STUN for every BODY you take" rule went away in 6th?[/quote']

 

I'm still running in 5th. I didn't realize there was such a rule -- makes sense, really -- so him not taking any STUN would have been GM error. It was a 1 rolled on the STUN Modifier, as Narf guessed. Even so, he would have only taken 6 STUN, hardly slowing Hellbent down.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Explaining alignment in 4th Edition D&D

"...And then there's Chaotic Evil - that's Reece."

Reece
:
*over at other table - cheers*

Murray
: Reece??? He's the Diet Coke of Chaotic Evil

Kyu Kage
: Diet? He's Coke Zero - All the Flavour, All the Colour, None of the Substance

When it looked like we were all going to playing rogues -

Dave
: Ah, clearly some some elements of civilisation survived. Our gang sneaks up to isolated houses, wait until we see some movement, knocks on the door, and then tries to sell them cosmetics. We're the last tribe of door-to-door make-up salesmen in the world.

My character for Murray's new campaign -

"Rumbaba of the Sulphur Clan - A goblin rogue who fled his tribe to avoid a crossbow wedding. Well, crossbow
weddings
, but they only had one crossbow in my village"

 

"Didn't fit in, did you?"

"Oh no, quite the contrary. The ladies thought I fitted in just
fine
"

Rumbaba hooked up with a troupe of travelling entertainers, originally. I'm going to have to learn me some palare, given that one of the PCs is named Vada. I explained to the other players that it was the secret language of showmen, actors, and British homosexuals, and gave them a few examples, then we turned to the third player for introductions.

"A Goliath Warden named Gae-el... *sigh* I now realise what I've just let myself in for."

Setting - One hundred years ago, it was a high fantasy world, with cities of magic and culture and a most depopulated countryside. Then one day, without warning, every centre of population and learning got stomped flat. Survivors reported giant iron golems, humanoid war-forged, and beams of fire from the sky. Then they went away again, and if anybody knows what the hell happened they aren't saying. A century later and civilisation is just getting over the shellshock, and survivors moved to such places as the island of Barakusia in the Middle Sea ( think Sicily, but large enough for more volcanoes ). One new city-state, Pyotronius ( or San Pyotronius to the inhabitants who consider the man who lead the refugees there a saint now ) is mostly inspired by Northland culture, architecture, etc. This gives them added tourist dollar.

Murray, GM
as hypothetical tourist
: "I've always wanted to see the Northlands... but I don't want to travel through the radioactive zombie countries. I know! I'll go to Pyotronius - the climate's better there anyway."

 

Murray
: There's a dwarf town as well, of course.

Gae-el's Player
: Low Town?

Me
: Downtown
;)

 

Gae-el's Player
to
GM
: Do female goliaths suffer sexual harassment?

Rumbaba
: Who'd have the balls?

Gae-el
: No-one that would have them for long.

Regarding the Eye of Vecna, the Hand of Vecna, and of course the Head of Vecna.

Gae-el OOC
: So was Vecna a god or a Mr Potato Head?

 

Murray, GM
:
The Rod of Vecna will not be appearing in this campaign
:mad:

I suspect his efforts to keep the campaign G-Rated are in vain - he's already asked whether Rumbaba's efforts at being a goblin Casanova are limited to other goblins.

Rumbaba
: Oh no. I did eye the goliath speculatively, but decided I'd need a ladder, and I didn't want us to look ridiculous.
:cool:

But he does have mountaineering equipment in his pack.... I suspect this campaign is going to give me a good crop of quotes.

 

In Cthulhu - The Raid on Innsmouth reaches its climax - as I told one of the other GMs

"The Raid on Innsmouth is going well. For Innsmouth."

I'm fairly pleased however. For one thing, there were multiple "What? What's that? *realisation dawns* Oh, ****!!!! :help:" moments when the events and actions in the parallel plots came back to bite the PCs in this one. The roughnecks storming the Esoteric Order of Dagon leave the wounded Sarge propped up in the foyer with a couple of machine guns, whilst the rest of the survivors find their way into the temple, and promptly start throwing grenades around.

 

Lance Corporal Drake, highest ranking soldier still alive or functional in that half of town, tries to follow his orders to take the cultists alive

Drake
: Shoot 'em in the.. flippers!

Private Rondale
: That's the best order I've heard in this mission so far

 

Me, GM
: Your bullet enters the fish-
thing
just under the eye, and explodes the back of its head out in a brilliant spray of red, red blood, chunks of rubbery flesh, and glistening scales.

Pvt Rondale
: This is just like shooting the cows back home.

 

Pvt Rondale OOC
: I've got 85% in Grenade?

Me, GM
: You were good at softball.

Pvt Pruitt OOC
: Would have made baseball more interesting...

Private First Class Trimble OOC
:
*In commentator voice*
And here's the pitch... oh my god, Johnny just exploded!

Pvt Rondale OOC
:
stands, brushes lapel
That's what you get for stealing my girl, Johnny

Pvt1C Trimble OOC
: I can see the headlines now "Johnny Steals Girl, Pitcher Blows Home"

 

Me, GM
: Dead fish-frog things lie broken and in pieces across the temple floor...

Pvt Pruitt OOC
: They croaked.

Private First Class Trimble OOC
: We've been playing in Innsmouth for over a year now. I can't believe we haven't used that pun before

Meanwhile, the rest of the squad and the officer they fragged by pushing him through a Gate to Y'Ha-nthlei are fleeing for their lives as the sub torpedoes arrive, dragging the gibbering captain between them. Both privates find a working Gate at the same moment, which neatly bisects the Captain down the middle.

Pvt Pruitt's Player
:
*retching*

Pvt Parker OOC
: The Captain's not half the man he used to be

Trimble OOC to Pruitt, who has found himself 20ft underwater off the coast of Cornwall, drowning in the company of the Captain's bisected corpse

Pvt1C Trimble OOC
: Well, at least you've got a third lung to make use of
:eg:

Pvt Pruitt's Player
:
*retching*

New player, Van, wants more information about who or what these Marshes I keep going about are.

Pvt Rondale OOC
: What are Marshes?

Pvt1C Trimble OOC
*in Brady Bunch voice*
: Marshes, Marshes, Marshes!

Arguing about injuries

Pvt1C Trimble OOC
: No, disemboweled is when you can use your intestines as a skipping rope. *
chants and jumps rope
* One Elder God, Two Elder Gods, Three Elder Gods, FOUR - Hastur, Hastur, We Call For
*choked screams and gurgling*

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

It's been a while since our last game session 4th edition DnD.

Our cast

 

Mahni LeGuin, Halfling Wizard and madman

Tor, Shifter Druid and monosylabic husband of

Theo, Human Rogue and Assassin

Carlos, Shadar-Kai Invoker and homocide

Susie, Eladrin Paladin and confused

Norgrim, Dwarf Cleric and absent

Rok, Dragonborn Warlock and also monosylabic

Arthabulus, Tiefling Warlock and fabulous

Lukas. Half-Elf Warlord and asking for it

 

Rok needs assistance, and the wizard is up

Rok: Help me Mister Wizard, I don't want to be a DnD character anymore!

 

Mahni takes an action

Gm: What do you do?

Mahni: I scream in terror.

GM; That's a rational response.

Mahni: Oh, in that case, I attack with my dagger.

Susie: Why would you do that?

Mahni: What part of "Insane Halfling Wizard" is confusing you?

 

Theo is rescued by her husband

Theo, to Tor: Nothing says "I love you" like a critical.

 

One villian refuses to die

GM: He's still standing.

Arthabulus: What is he on?

Carlos: PCP.

Rok: He should know, he sold it to them.

Mahni: Stop dealing to the monsters!

 

The GM is tired of the arguement

GM: The next person to contradict me loses 500 xp

Carlos: 400!

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Quotes from the 1st Sessions of two different games:

 

First up is QIN: THE WARRING STATES

The Cast

Hei Yun (Black Cloud), a wu xia who's turned his back on the world of martial arts and is now a baker.

Silent Mountain, a wu xia who's as big as his name implies.

Bu Ya, a vagabond renegade.

Wandering Vine, horse trader and taoist alchemist

 

Wandering Vine: "I don't have very many social skills... with humans."

 

GM: "Let's move to the combat scale map."

 

Wandering Vine: "Bad boss! You let him throw a knife!"

 

Bu Ya: "Right on my calligraphy, you bastard."

 

Minister Ba Chin: "Are any more of these ruffians due to arrive?"

Bu Ya: "Not if we leave quickly."

 

Silent Mountain (OOC): "What's a matter with Chu?"

 

Wandering Vine: "[bu Ya] is not the cleric [silent Mountain] is."

Bu Ya: "I can write him a prescription."

 

Wandering Vine (OOC) to Silent Mountain: "Are you from first edition or second edition? Because I never got the hang of second edition."

 

GM: "The city is bustling, bustling... anyone have a synonym for bustling?"

 

Second is DEUS KALESTIS, a 700+ point supers game using 6E HERO.

The Cast

Sidewinder -- a guy in powered armor

Starpower -- apparently Sapphire from the Champions, but with fire powers.

Gravitas -- controller of gravity.

Quantum Girl -- who can grow, shrink, and so on.

Bedlam -- sort of cross between the Absorbing Man and Changling.

Force Majure -- basically Ultra Boy.

 

Note: Several of us have read Ian Bank's Culture novels, which meant the name "Gravitas" brought more than a few chuckles.

 

Starpower on her powers causing property damage: "I'm not paying for that! My agent is!"

 

Force on Starpower's dialogue: "Britney Spears has a major potty mouth on her."

 

Force (OOC) to Bedlam upon viewing the battle map: "What? Did you douse yourself in bug attractor?"

 

GM: "See this person next to you? She's your most hated enemy."

Bedlam: "Mother?"

 

(All of this is OOC)

Starpower: "I'd help out, but I'm flat on my back right now."

Bedlam: "Isn't that where you do your best work?"

Force: "And this is different for you how?"

(variants of this gag were repeated during the night)

 

Quantum Girl upon seeing the enemy bugs pouring out of their ship: "This isn't an asteroid, it's a friggin' alien clown car!"

 

Starpower on her tactics: "I came in and said 'I saw this in a movie once' and *BLAM*... Oh, my bad."

 

Starpower to 100' tall Quantum Girl: "Don't stomp om be bro'!"

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Tonight in my Pretty Hate Machines playtest, they got to what I consider the worst encounter in the adventure, an oil refinery robbery. They decided NOT to fight, but rather, to quickly pretend to lose and tail the villains after they left with the stolen goods. To this end, they disguised themselves as oil refinery workers.

 

However, the villains came in wearing disguises also. EVERYONE was wearing a cheap uniform disguise. It was one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Quotes from the 2nd Session of

 

QIN: THE WARRING STATES

The Cast

Hei Yun (Black Cloud), a wu xia who's turned his back on the world of martial arts and is now a baker.

Silent Mountain, a wu xia who's as big as his name implies.

Bu Ya, a vagabond renegade.

Wandering Vine, horse trader and taoist alchemist

 

Wandering Vine uses one of his talents: "Think of it as a luck roll for chicks."

Bu Ya: "The old vine's wandering."

 

GM to Black Cloud: "You're too befuddled (by poison and injury) to notice his enormous sword."

 

GM: "Bu Ya? Your action?"

Silent Mountain (to Bu Ya): "Don't hit me again."

 

Wandering Vine explains his priorities: "I don't need any chi, why would I have sex?"

 

Bu Ya explains his priorities: "I'll gladly help the plot not go off the rails."

 

Wandering Vine to the local governor: "You're a politician and he assigned you the character of truth. I'm sure he wanted you to fail."

 

Black Cloud cribs from Sailor on the Seas of Fate to explain why he's going with the rest of the PCs (paraphrased, since I can't recall what I said, exactly): "Years ago I turned my back on the world of the wu lin and considered myself without comrades. Now fate has given me three. For this reason I will go with them."

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

The Gaze misspeaks (or not... :eg:)

 

"...If you wish an equitable relationship with those who can pluck you from the very bowels of hell...pardon, your offices, perhaps you should consider refining your sensibilities"
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Well, here's my first contribution to this thread:

 

From last week’s Ghostbuster’s filler game.

 

Characters: (using first/nick names since I don’t recall all of the PCs names at the moment).

 

Me: Bumbling Crypto-zoologist determined to lead the way in the new field he calls Ecto-zoology. Defacto leader, not because of any leadership ability but because he has the money and bought into the Ghostbuster’s franchise. Has the unfortunate habit of trying to name and classify the specters that are currently attacking him.

 

Austen: 17 year old savant physicist with multiple Phds and a complete lack of social skills

 

Mike: Former infantryman hired as the team’s muscle. He has the unfortunate habit of being completely unconcerned with the collateral damage the particle beam weapons can produce.

 

Whitty: Former host of the worst “ghost hunters” type show to ever hit cable TV. It was so bad even the paranormal conspiracy theory nuts considered it a joke. Very charming and persuasive, and a bit of a skirt chaser, he is the teams spokesperson.

 

NPC Girl: Director of the local Historical Society in the small town where we are investigating the Pumpkin Jack urban legend and the disappearance of several young children. Very cute and has my character constantly bumbling over everything he says.

 

 

The quotes (mostly without context since they seem more humorous that way):

 

NPC Girl: Crypto-zoology? You mean like bigfoot?

 

Mike: Bigfoot, Sasquatch, whatever you want to call it. He has a dozen names, Skunk-ape, the Wedi, err Wundi, um…

 

Me: Wendigo. It’s called the Wendigo, which is not the same as the Sasquatch, and which I’ll never get to study since we’re no longer allowed in Canada!

 

NPC Girl: Wait, your team got kicked out of Canada?!

 

Whitty: There was an…incident…

 

Mike: Yeah, an “incident” with you and that Mountie’s daughter.

 

Whitty: Hey, they overreacted. That was blown way out of proportion just ‘cause we involved the horse.

 

Me: ANYWAY!….

 

 

 

Austen’s character wandered off in the woods following his PKE Meter and comes out near the high school football field where the cheerleaders are practicing. One particularly bubble headed cheerleader wanders over to see who the weird kid that just wandered out of the woods is. His PKE seems to indicate that the source of the reading are coming from the girls torso, so without so much as an introduction he says:

 

Austen: I need your shirt.

 

Cheerleader: Hi, I…What?

 

Austen: Your shirt, the energy readings are coming from your shirt. I need it.

 

Cheerleader (looking confused and a little scared): Energy, you mean like radiation or something?

*Being worried about the “radiation” she takes off her shirt and hands it to him, standing there awkwardly. Austen scans the shirt, which doesn’t give off any readings. He turns the scanner back to the girl and it immediately goes off again when aimed at her…upper torso.

 

Austen: Huh? I need your bra.

 

Cheerleader (now looking really nervous and a little angry): What?!

 

Austen: It’s not your shirt; it must be coming from your bra…

*At this point the girl’s football player boyfriend comes up from behind looking really pissed off. The Jock starts yelling something along the lines of “what the hell’s going on” as he shoves Austen from behind, startling the small nerd who accidentally discharges his handheld positively charged slime thrower…all over the Jock.

Jock: What the @#$%, I’m gonna kick your @#$%ing %$#@!

*He takes a swing at Austen, slips in the slime and ends up flat on his back. Austen is saved by Mike and the coach before he can get beaten to a pulp.

 

Later, when relaying this story to the team rest of the team,

Mike: So what you’re saying is, while looking at the shirtless cheerleader you shot goo all over the football player…

 

Austen: What?

 

Me: Can we get back on topic here?!

 

Austen (about 3 minutes later in the conversation): Oh, I get it. It was a penis joke.

 

Other 3: *group facepalm*

 

 

 

NPC Girl (flirting): So, have you studied the Loch Ness Monster?

 

Me: Um, actually we don’t like to use that term…

 

NPC Girl: What term?

 

Me: (launching into lecture mode): You see, Nessie is most likely a vegetarian and we believe her to be peaceful, tranquil creature. We try to avoid the “M word”, as it further propagates the negative stereotype that has… (Interrupted by Mike and Whitty simultaneously blowing raspberries).

(And yes, I stole that last bit from Marshal from ‘How I Met Your Mother’).

 

 

Me (looking at the PKE readings as we enter the woods): God I hope that’s some sort of portal or rip in the fabric of space and time and not just a single entity.

 

Austen: If it’s a portal who knows how many things are coming through. If it’s a single creature at least we can just deal with it.

 

Me: The last time we dealt with a single spector with reading this high I almost got eaten by a hotel!

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

The GM has got three identical monster figures, which he has made distinguishable by putting colored rubber bands around the legs of two of them.

 

"I hit the guy with the green pants around his ankles."

"I hit the guy with the red pants around his ankles."

"I'll go after the guy with no pants."

"Gee, what were these guys doing before we walked in and started attacking them?"

"They're gnolls. You
really
don't want that question answered."

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Some quotes from the Pretty Hate Machines Playtest:

 

Mr. Hideous: It's time to rearrange your face!

 

Ember: Someone really needs a dialogue coach.

 

Later...

 

Mr. Hideous: I've filled this blimp with Hydrogen! There's no way you can shoot it down without killing hundreds!

 

Ember: Why do you always go to places that explode around fire?

 

Mr. Hideous: Because I prepared for you, you stupid little witch! What did you think I was doing? What's the matter? Nothing to say? Who needs a dialogue coach now?

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Captain Unity: You're under arrest, Mr. Hideous. Hands up. (Yanks his arms hard and hits, knocking him unconscious.)...To Eiko: Honey, I brought you a blimp for Valentine's Day!

 

Eiko (At 1 stun and 4 Body): Excellent. I claim this blimp in the name of Random Access Technologies. (THUD)

 

---------------------------------------------------

 

Ember: I can't believe this. I'm grabbed by a slimy snake. I've been through a lot of gross things during my days as a superhero. This is in the top ten.

 

The Reptile Boy: Trussst me, touching your dissgusting ape flesh issss not so exsssiting for me, either.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Ah ha! So those are the shooters from the gassy gnoll!

 

An assassinine comment

 

Lucius Alexander

 

The palindromedary wonders where Vitus was that November, speaking of gassy gnolls....

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Sadly, I lost the pages with most of the quotes from the Star Wars (set sometime in-between ANH and ESB) game I've been playing in, but I'll try to remember some of the better ones from memory. So I'm sure I have some of this a bit wrong, but I think most of this is accurate. (hopefully, I'll remember to start a new note sheet)

 

The players:

 

Naalum Hurn (a Sullustan Smuggler, hotshot pilot and former confidence trickster, played by me)

Kenrako (a Wookie soldier, saboteur, professional layabout)

Naatu (a Twi'lek engineer, escaped slave-girl and latent force-user)

DY-74 (a prototype Trade Federation Commado Droid that was reactivated recently, and finding that the war is long over, is trying to figure out what to do now)

Jak (a Human "Jedi" from a reclusive order who broke away from the Jedi Order a long time ago)

Keef (a young Human who used to run his own gang of street urchins on Locke, a planet notorious as a pirate haven)

 

-------------------------------------------------------------

 

Most of the crew is in pursuit of someone who was spying on a meeting with a prospective client. Keef is the only one able to keep up with her as she dodges down various side alleys and such. Ken and Naatu (with an assist from Naalum back at the bar with a map of the city) manage to figure out where the spy is most likely going to end up and proceed to cut her off.

 

Kenrako: Okay, I wait at the end of the Alley, and when I see the spy emerge from the alley, I'm gonna clothesline her.

GM: Alrighty, you hear hurried footsteps and see someone running out... give me an attack roll... she has no idea you're there.

--Ken succeeds and sends the spy for a loop. As the interrogation begins, Keef runs up behind, mostly out of breath.

Keef: How. *huff* *huff* The blazes. *pant* *wheeze* Did you get here first, Ken?!?!

Naatu: We took a cab.

Keef (completely indignant): You cheated!

 

-------------------------------------------------------------

 

The group has now toted the spy back to what appears to be her apartment. Despite the obviously menacing Kenrako (and having grabbed nearly all of her surveliance equipment), the interrogation is not going well. Fortunately, nearly all of the group can understand Shyriiwook (the Wookie language)

Kenrako:

Spy: No matter how much that *thing* howls at me, you'll never get me to reveal my employer!

Naalum: *sigh* Look, I understand you're just doing your job, and you probably have some sort of confidentiality thing. Also, you're obviously more scared of your employer than you are of us. All I want to know is why your employer is so interested in us, and I'm guessing he's probably a big shot in the local underworld. So I'll make this simple. I want you to arrange a meeting for us with your boss so we can ask him why he's so interested in us, and he can ask us about whatever it is that has him so interested.

Spy: Why should I do that?

Naalum: Because I'll pay you a thousand credits.

Spy: ... Okay, that's a good reason.

Kenrako:

 

-------------------------------------------------------------

 

Many sessions later, it turns out we have a bounty hunter after us. Naatu and Kenrako have been captured. Jak and DY decide to look for them.

 

Jak: So, that's one of the two ships that Keef's contacts think are the most likely place Ken and Naatu are?

GM: Yep.

DY: Is the landing ramp down, and do we see any guards?

GM: The ramp is down, but you don't see any guards.

DY and Jack: We storm the ship!

GM: *rolls some dice* Just as you get to the ramp, It closes up... surprisingly quickly.

DY: Well, so much for surprise.

Jak: No worries, we still have surprise on our side.

DY: Oh, really?

*Jak ignites a lightsaber and grins*

Jak: *to the GM* I cut a hole in the bottom of the landing ramp.

GM: okay, there is now a hole in the bottom of the ship.

Jak: *to DY* See, we still have surprise, no way they were expecting that... or this. *to DM* I jump up through the hole.

DY: *under his "breath"* Cheater.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------

 

After finding that they were on the wrong ship after all, Jak and DY go to the other ship, and storm it. They find Naatu and Kenrako in the cargo bay. Sadly, while trying to free them, the Bounty hunter (who apparantly was watching from the cockpit) floods the hold with knockout gas, knocking nearly everyone out.

 

DY: *looks at unconscious "friends"* Predictable, really. I head for the cockpit.

Naatu (OOC): I'd call you a cheater, but I'm uncoscious.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------

 

Sadly, when DY gets to the cockpit, the Bounty hunter was ready for him, with an EMP grenade. (which was followed by the traditional, "Cheater!" comment) At this point, Naalum realizes that he's losing crew at a remarkable clip and will have to take action himself.

 

Naalum (OOC): Right. So, according to Keef, he saw Jak and DY go into that ship and the didn't come out. Gotcha. I go back to our ship and take off.

Everyone else (OOC): WHAT??!?!

Naalum (OOC): While I am tempted to ditch the assassin droid and the Jedi whom I don't like, head off on my own with the massive stack of cash we made on our last job for myself while being pretty certain that you all won't be able to find me... it's a bloody big galaxy after all, I actually have a plan.

DM: I am *facinated* to find out your plan.

Naalum (OOC): Okay, I assume that Locke's "air-traffic control" is as indifferent as usual?

DM: Yes, they don't com you at all.

Naalum (OOC): Good. I fly the ship directly over the Bounty hunter's ship and point the ventral turret at the cockpit. Then I open up a com frequency.

DM: Okay, a female voice says over the channel, "Captain Naalum Hurn, I presume?"

Kenrako (OOC): Am I conscious yet?

DM: Yes, but you're groggy.

Kenrako (OOC): Okay, I assume Jak dropped one of his lightsabers when the gas got him, correct? Good. I grab it, and use it to cut my restraints. Then I go stumble towards the cockpit.

Naalum: You have the advantage of me, miss. I assume you're the bounty hunter who has my crew?

Bounty Hunter: You would be correct.

Naalum: Well, I really can't have that, now can I. Let's be reasonable, rational people here. How much is the bounty on their heads?

Bounty Hunter: 40,000 credits each.

Naalum: Really? That much? Last I checked it was 20,000

Bounty Hunter: Well, that's on the official bounty lists. On the Exchange's black list, it's 40,000. You really pissed off Boss Saavo.

Naalum: Ah. I see. Though, all I remember us doing was selling him some old Jedi relic we found.

Bounty Hunter: Boss Saavo doesn't like being conned. By the way, the price on your head is 80,000.

Naatu (OOC): I guess your forgery wasn't as good as you thought.

Naalum (OOC): Details, details. *To the bounty hunter* Alright, well, what if I pay you double to let my crew go and forget you ever found us?

Bounty Hunter: Sorry, can't do that, it would ruin my rep.

Kenrako (OOC): How close am I?

DM: You're still in a bit of a fog, but you're getting closer.

Naalum: That's unfortunate, but I really do insist you let my crew go. I'm afraid you'll regret it if you don't. You can't take off without me getting a shot at you, and I assure you, even if you do get off the ground, I'm a better pilot and astrogator than you are, you won't get away.

Bounty Hunter: Are you really willing to risk killing your crew that way? I don't think so, since you clearly could have left and if you're as good as you say, I'd never catch you. And you clearly have the credits to buy yourself a very very good fake ID.

DM to Kenrako: You're near the cockpit, you can hear the bounty hunter's voice and it seems she's talking to Naalum.

Kenrako: I peek around the corner, can she see out the door?

DM: She seems to be focusing on the ship above you.

Kenrako: Do I think the video pickup can see the door?

DM: Hmm... sure.

Kenrako I poke my head out further and wave at the camera.

Naalum (OOC): Do I see Ken on the video?

DM: Give me a spot check. *dice are rolled* Yeah, you do.

Naalum: *grinning* Good. (to the bounty hunter) Well, you're pretty much right.

Bounty Hunter: So we are at an impasse then, how do you think we should resolve this?

Naalum: Well, see... the main reason I haven't left is that this is my crew, and that matters a lot to me. And I know them very well... especially Kenrako. Ken's a stubborn sort and very very tough. Knowing that, I figured that if I could keep you talking long enough, you'd not be keeping an eye on him and either on his own, or with Naatu's very superb technical skills, he'd have gotten himself out of confinement by now and should be behind you just about now.

Kenrako: When she turns around I growl, and pick her up by the throat.

Bounty Hunter: *Wheeze* Good Plan. *Gurgle*

 

-------------------------------------------------------------

 

Even later on, the crew has been hired by the rebels to break some prisoners out of an Imperial base on Locke, while at the same time planting some fake info on the base commander's computers. We have gotten around to discussing how we will create enough of a distraction to get out once we have the prisoners out.

 

Kenrako:

Naalum: Ken...

Kenrako:

Jak: *exasperated* That's because you are obsessed with explosions.

Naalum: Actually, I was going to say that I think that's a fantastic idea, Ken, and was what I was going to suggest myself.

Kenrako: *blinks a few times* I give Naalum a gigantic hug.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------

 

While Jack and Naatu are busting the prisoners out, DY and Naalum are posing as a tech and his Stormtrooper escort to get into the base commander's office. After making a remarkably good bluff roll, Naalum convinces the Base commander that his computer is in dire need of maintenance. Unfortunately, the base commander tells us to come back in 10 minutes, and then we can work on his computer, because he is on an important call.

 

Naalum: *obsequiously* Yes sir. Sorry sir. We'll wait right outside. (To the DM) On my way out, I turn on a com-link and surreptitiously drop it on the floor by the door.

DM: *rolls perception for the Base commander* He doesn't seem to notice.

Naalum (OOC): Once we're outside I comm Jessenia (the Rebel commando leader in charge of the operation).

Jessenia: Yeah, Naalum, what's wrong?

Naalum: Well, it's going to be about ten minutes because the good General is on an important comm. Sounded like he was talking to an admiral.

Jessenia: Hmm... it's probably something we could use. Any odds you could find a way to eavesdrop on them? Probably not... he's not dumb enough to leave the door open.

Naalum: Well, if you record comm channel 3400 you should be able to recored what they're saying.

Jessenia: How the hell did you manage to bug his office?

Naalum: Simple. I dropped an open comm-link on the floor on our way out.

Jessenia: ... And here I though I was the covert-ops specialist.

Naalum: I'm a crook, Jessenia. Cheap and simple tricks are my way of life.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------

 

Much later, after another successful operation for the Rebel commandos, we're called into another meeting where an extraction of an Imperial officer who is going to flip for the Rebels is being planned. Jak has volunteered to help out, despite Naalum's objections.

 

Naalum: Well, I'm not sure I want go along with this, and Jak's got a good ship of his own. But to satisfy my own grim curiosity, what is the plan you people have cooked up for us?

Jessenia: Oh, it's an oldie, but a goodie. We'll fly you people over in a transport to the Star Destroyer where our man is. You'll be headed over as prisoners. Once there you'll bust out, get to our guy. Convince him that switching sides really *is* in his best interest, get back to the shuttle and get the hell out of there.

Naalum: So, this is sounding like a Commando operation. So I see why you'd want Ken, DY and Jak there. Why the hell do you need *me* there? I'm only so-so in a fight, and I'm not especially sneaky... well, not in a lurking about sort of way.

Naatu: Yeah, and why do you need me there?

Jessenia: Well, Naatu is the best technician we know of so her skills will be invaluable for dealing with the security systems and all that. Secondly, once you all are back on the transport, we'll need the best pilot and astrogator available to get out of there in one piece.

Naalum: *grumbling* Fine, that makes sense.

Jessenia: So you'll do it?

Naalum: How much?

Jessenia: To be honest, we don't have much money on us now...

Naalum: Hah! I admit, I loathe the Empire, but the only reasons I've been willing to work for you guys so far is that it means I get to kick the Empire in the shins a bit and we've been promised quite a bit of payment. I'm all for kicking the Empire in the shins, and I actually like you guys, but...

Jessenia: Naalum, this operation is really important and, frankly, I don't think it will work without you, Naatu, DY, Jack and Kenrako on it. I know that despite what you say, deep down you're a good man and that your morals aren't really for sale.

Naalum: *indignant* Yes they are!

 

-------------------------------------------------------------

 

Naalum: Okay, Jessenia, before I agree to this tomfoolery, I have one question. Do you have some other people in mind, just in case we don't agree?

Jessenia: Err... well, technically, I do... but they're...um... greedy, amoral and incredibly mercenary.

Naatu: And Naalum isn't?

Naalum: *smiling genuinely* Thank you, Naatu.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------

 

Jessenia: Even if I took what Naalum says at face value, yes. These people are far less trustworthy. At very least I am sure you people won't sell us out to the Imperials during the middle of the operation.

Naalum: Ah. Yeah... that sort of thing is not good for my reputation. Smugglers have to be honest in some ways, otherwise we wouldn't get any work.

Jessenia: Exactly.

Naatu: And I bet that if you hired these other people, you yourself would have to go to keep an eye on them, right.

Jessenia: Yeah, probably.

Jak: I'm going either way.

Naalum: *sigh* As much as it pains me to say this... I really don't want to see someone I actually consider something of a friend doing something this dangerous with people who have, probably at best, 50/50 odds of turning on them mid operation. Fine, you have yourself a pilot, assuming the rest of my crew is willing to go.

Jak: Thanks, Naalum.

Naalum: *grinning sheepishly* Um... well, I was talking to Jessenia... but... sure, yeah.

Jessenia: See, I knew your morals weren't for sale.

Naalum: *looking at Kenrako* You're never letting me live this down, Ken, are you?

Kenrako: *grins evilly*

 

-------------------------------------------------------------

 

Naalum: Right. Now that we've agreed to this insane plan. Exactly how much are we getting paid?

Jessenia: Well, as I said, our budget is very tight right now...

Kenrako:

Jessenia: Hey, we can definitely arrange that if you like!

Entire crew: No!

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Reading all of those Star Wars quotes reminded me of a time long, long ago (sorry . . . couldn't help it), I was in a group playing the Star Wars RPG (please don't ask which Edition, I have no idea.) Anyhoo, We each create our character, and it was agreed that one character was to be the pilot, one to be the insufferable Protocol Droid (that was me, btw), one to be the token Jedi, etc.

 

In our first and only adventure, we manage to buy a ship. The ship has not been named. The players bicker and argue for a half hour over what to call the ship. The GM finally says, 'ENOUGH! We'll name the ship later! Let's get on with this, shall we?"

 

So the game continues, and we find out that we need to go to another planet for the 'plot hook'. So our pilot gets in the cockpit, and says, 'Don't worry! We'll be there in no time!" The ship takes off, and the pilot's PC rolls a critical failure for his piloting roll. The GM decides that the ship took off, and crash-landed about 50 feet away nose-first.

 

From that point on, we called the ship, "Lawn Dart". Sorry if no one else is amused by this, but we laughed for over 10 minutes.

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