Jump to content
Darren Watts

Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

Recommended Posts

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

New DnD 4th edition game, 1st level characters, but full group wasn't there.

 

Thorfin, Dwarven Paladin

Von Scorpius, Human Aritificer

 

Pretty Female NPC about 16 years old: "I'll give you anything if you help me!"

Von Scorpious: "Anything?"

Thorfin: "She's lucky I'm a paladin!"

 

We're attacked by thieves.

NPC Thief: Drop your weapons and hand over your coin purses!

Thorfin: Let me see if I have this straight, you have daggers and leather armor, I have full plate mail, a large shield, and a battleax. I think you should drop your weapons.

NPC Thief: In case you hadn't noticed little man, we outnumber you three to one.*

insert ooc dialogue here

Von Scorpius: KZORT! Now the odds are even!

Thorfin: WACK! Now we outnumber you two to one!

NPC Thief: Run away!

 

*Thorfin ooc: Roll for initiative. Thorfin won't take that insult.

GM: You don't like being called 'little'.

Thorfin ooc: That doesn't bother me.

Von Scorpius ooc: No one calls Thorfin a human and lives.

 

Thorfin likes his plate mail: "AC of 20 means never having to say 'Ouch, you hit me!'"

 

After a battle with a were-rat, a giant rat, and a rat swarm where Thorfin did all the damage...

Von Scorpius: I shall call you 'Thorfin Rat-Slayer'.

Thorfin: Do it in public and they'll call me 'Thorfin Von Scorpius-Slayer'.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Not a role playing game, but...

 

The game was the card game Chez Geek and a couple of players were new. One was very impressed with the booze card "Old Ragnarok."

 

Ben: "Old Ragnarok" has to be the greatest brand name for a whiskey ever. I wish I knew enough about distilling to make a good whiskey; with a name like that I just know I could get someone to invest in it. As long as the whiskey's good.

 

Lucius: I can see the billboard now: a fire giant and a frost giant sharing a bottle of Old Ragnarok.

 

Ben: "Something everyone can agree on!"

 

Lucius: Yeah, that'll be the slogan! "Something everyone can agree on: Old Ragnarok."

 

Lucius Alexander

 

The palindromedary recalls that later in the evening Lucius proposed a billboard with Thor and Loki, and Ben suggested the slogan "Old Ragnarok: bad for the Gods, but good for you!"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

From the last Foxton game (and in honor of election day.)

Setup: Bri, our local taleweaver, is being tempted by a demon.

 

Bri: I don't know you from, say Adam.

Demon: here's my card, you can check out my website http://www.dreamdeamon.org(?)

Lady Hawthorne (OOC): no, demons network, it would be .net

Damien (OOC): nope, we're talking demons, definitely .gov

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Joined up with a Mage: the Awakening group. There weren't that many good quotes from the first session, but there were a couple.

 

Our team biologist defends his sanity:

Myrmidon: I'm not a mad scientist, I collect mad scientist. *pause* Insects. I mean insects.

 

The cabal name "The Collectors" is proposed:

Myrmidon: I collect living things, you collect dead things.

Banshee (Necromancer): And I collect living dead things.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Avatar Airbender RPG:

 

One of the players is an anime freak, and is so glad that his character

found some writings about a secretive order. Yes, he got a Ninja Scroll.

 

 

 

The players finally made it to the town where the current Avatar resides.

She lives in a university town, and teaches when time allows.

 

The PCs met her last week briefly.

This week the 2 Benders (one earth, one air) each get an

invitation to have a date with her at the big festival this weekend.

Both players fail their Sense Motive roll, with one of them botching completely.

 

They dress up in their finest duds, arrive on time at the described location,

and are ushered in to a room. A huge room, in fact, its the arena,

and the Announcer tells the crowd a special bending duel has been

arranged, between the Avatar the other college's finest.

 

On the first round, the Earth-Bender who is a wrestling showman, (Boulder)

tried his Intimidate, got a critical success, and by pouring action points

into the check, actually gave the Avatar pause.

Here's what he said:

 

As a duly constituted representative of the

City of Omashu, on behalf of the Earth Kingdom,

the Northern and Southern Water Tribes,

the Fire Nation, and all four of the Air Temples:

The Boulder hereby orders you to cease

and desist any and all bending activity

and return at once to your place of origin

or nearest convenient parallel dimension.

 

everyone including the DM laughed heartily.

 

but the fight: They lasted 11 rounds with the Avatar, pretty damn good.

 

During the battle, on the arean sand floor, many times the blasts sprayed it up a lot.

So the joke was "Its not polite to talk with your mouth full"

 

On the plus side, after the PCs got trounced, they did get to relax in the locker room

and sauna with the Avatar while they healed up.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

D&D 4th Ed. Quite a good day for quotes

 

Murray,GM
: With the Feast of Corellon and the Feywild coming up every Wizard, Warlock and Druid...

Rumbaba
: ... and long-haired hippie

Murray,GM
: ... who can get a few days off is going to spend the week talking shop, brewing potions and showing off spells. This means most *sane* people move out of the county for the holidays, but give it 1500 years and people will consider it a popular festival.

Rumbaba
: And everybody will complain it isn't like the old days.

 

Murray,GM
: ... and according to rumour there's a troop of secret police working for the Sheriff

Tarmikos
: I'm not secret police!

Rumbaba
: And I'm hardly inconspicuous!

 

Tarmikos
: BANGBANGBANG Open up!

Arjhan the Dragonborn
: Who's there?

Rumbaba
: ... the secret police...

Tarmikos
: We would like a word with you.

Rumbaba
: ...comrade...

 

Rumbaba
: We told them to keep the race riots to a minimum.

 

Murray,GM
: ...and you found out that he'd been having an affair with the cook across the road.

Rumbaba
: Can't say I blame him. Nice hips.

 

Blatant sizism continues to plague Rumbaba

 

Rumbaba
:
*singing softly*

 

Murray,GM
:
*on Dave's Bushido character*
He survived a seven-day battle, made it to second level, rode back to the castle to report, fell off his horse and drowned.

 

Rumbaba
: Yes, you goblin is more immaculately dressed than the elf. And better bathed.

 

Adrie the Druid
: I'm all for hunting humans. It's hunting animals I draw the line at.

Arjhan
: Let me get this straight... The Sheriff's men are all for protecting animals and monsters?

Murray,GM
: Yes, it does sound like a meeting of PETA

Rumbaba
: People for the Ethical Treatment of Aberrations

 

Hope
: I was raised by dwarves.

Arjhan
: What?! A Tiefling Paladin of Pelor raised by dwarves??

Rumbaba
: He's joking. Although I do recall a boy that was raised by limpets. Sadly, he drowned at the first high tide.

 

Murray,GM
: I heard a police sergeant once who would send his constables in to break up bar fights and throw the combatants out into the street, so he could throw them into the paddywagon. Once he missed and the bloke bounced off and dented the door. So he charged him with damaging police property.

 

Rumbaba
: None of us are experts on post-dead citizens

 

Murray,GM
: The eladrin steps through a portal in the air and closes it behind him.

Hope
: That's mildly impressive.

Murray,GM
: A voice hangs in the air... "...only mildly???..."

 

Rumbaba
: Does the message arrive by pigeon?

Murray,GM
: No?

Rumbaba
: Ah. Not Twitter then.

Murray,GM
: No, druids use Twitter.

Hope
: Wizards use the magic mirror network, MyFace.

 

Murray,GM
: The moonshine-making ranger was a Half-elf.

Rumbaba
: Ah, so was he making wood elf alcohol?

Murray,GM
: *headdesk*

Rumbaba
: No wonder he died

 

Rumbaba
: I'm off buying basic dungeoneering gear - torches, ropes, spikes... Dynamite... Bat-repellant...

 

Tarmikos
: Do you know the funerary rituals of Bahamut?

Rumbaba
: No, but if you hum a few bars I'll join in

 

Murray,GM
: They were carrying longswords, a longbow, and spears.

Rumbaba
: Given all of those are taller than me, help yourself.

 

Tarmikos
: Which way is the wind burning?

Murray,GM
: Burning?

Tarmikos
: Blowing.

Rumbaba
: If the air was on fire we'ld have bigger problems.

 

Rumbaba
: I really should have brought a net, shouldn't I?

Tarmikos
: No, I don't think she would have helped.

 

Murray,GM
: So do you changely into a male or shemale Dire Wolf?

Adrie
: Shemale.

Rumbaba
:
Shemale?!?

 

Murray,GM
: Who's going first?

Arjhan
: I volunteer the guy in heavy armour

 

Rumbaba
: I'm carrying a torch.

Murray,GM
: And who are you carrying a torch for, you romantic goblin you?

Rumbaba
: Well, I still miss the Goliath
:D

 

The group continue to get kobolds, gnomes, and goblins confused. Attacked by giant centipedes...

 

Arjhan
: I target the scorpion on the left.

Rumbaba
: CENTIPEDE! CENTIPEDE. What is
with
this group and basic taxonomy?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

D&D 4th Ed.

 

I've been playing that...alas, the only game in town

 

Hope : I was raised by dwarves.

Arjhan : What?! A Tiefling Paladin of Pelor raised by dwarves??

Rumbaba : He's joking. Although I do recall a boy that was raised by limpets. Sadly, he drowned at the first high tide.

 

I've been playing a Tiefling paladin. With a Radiant Soul, although I don't know what that means yet.

 

Rumbaba : Does the message arrive by pigeon?

Murray,GM : No?

Rumbaba : Ah. Not Twitter then.

Murray,GM : No, druids use Twitter.

Hope : Wizards use the magic mirror network, MyFace.

 

Do clerics use Macebook?

 

And do the Gnomes get information from Fox News?

 

http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0539.html

 

Lucius Alexander

 

The palindromedary wants to Google Barney

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

D&D 4th Ed. Quite a good day for quotes

 

Tarmikos : BANGBANGBANG Open up!

Arjhan the Dragonborn : Who's there?

Rumbaba : ... the secret police...

Tarmikos : We would like a word with you.

Rumbaba : ...comrade...

 

Murray,GM : ...and you found out that he'd been having an affair with the cook across the road.

Rumbaba : Can't say I blame him. Nice hips.[/indent]

Murray,GM
:
*on Dave's Bushido character*
He survived a seven-day battle, made it to second level, rode back to the castle to report, fell off his horse and drowned.

 

Adrie the Druid
: I'm all for hunting humans. It's hunting animals I draw the line at.

Arjhan
: Let me get this straight... The Sheriff's men are all for protecting animals and monsters?

Murray,GM
: Yes, it does sound like a meeting of PETA

Rumbaba
: People for the Ethical Treatment of Aberrations

 

Murray,GM
: The eladrin steps through a portal in the air and closes it behind him.

Hope
: That's mildly impressive.

Murray,GM
: A voice hangs in the air... "...only mildly???..."

 

 

Rumbaba
: I'm off buying basic dungeoneering gear - torches, ropes, spikes... Dynamite... Bat-repellant...

 

Tarmikos
: Which way is the wind burning?

Murray,GM
: Burning?

Tarmikos
: Blowing.

Rumbaba
: If the air was on fire we'ld have bigger problems.

 

Murray,GM
: So do you changely into a male or shemale Dire Wolf?

Adrie
: Shemale.

Rumbaba
:
Shemale?!?

 

Those had me laughing pretty hard, great stuff, hopefully when my new campaign picks up, I can post some qoutes.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

4th edition DnD (Eberon)

Cast

Von Scorpius, Human Artificer

Thorfin, Dwarven Paladin

Varis, Elven Rogue

 

A man is assassinated in the dining hall.

Thorfin: How is he?

GM: The only thing to do is go through his pockets for loose change.

Varis: In the field, maybe. In a dining hall, that's a little gauche.

Thorfin: Is 'gauche' the Elven word for 'too many witnesses'?

 

We are hired to investigate the assassination. Our investigation shows he was hired by someone in the royal family...

Thorfin: You want us to kill the brother of the King?

Von Scorpius: We're going to need more money.

 

Curiosity...

Varis: What kind of necromancer raises undead chickens?

 

Signs in a hall*, each found 10' apart

Sign one: The way is dark

Sign two: Though torches lit

Sign three: Watch your step

Sign four (found at bottom of pit trap): Burma Shave

 

To Battle!

 

Thorfin: I use divine challenge, he has to attack me or else.

GM: Ok, he attacks you.

Thorfin: Why me?

 

After the battle...

 

Von Scorpius: We should clean up the scene to hide the evidence.

Varis: Why bother, they'll just use a ritual to figure out what happened.

Thorfin: CSI: Eberon.

 

*The same set of signs and pit trap can be found on level two of the old 'Wizardry' computer game.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

I've been playing that...alas' date=' the only game in town[/quote']

 

Guild, fortunately, has a wide variety of games running - Dark Heresy, Cthulhu, D&D, Fading Suns, etc

 

I've been playing a Tiefling paladin. With a Radiant Soul' date=' although I don't know what that means yet. [/quote']

 

It means you have a bad case of bioluminescent foot fungus. Amputate before it spores!

 

Do clerics use Macebook?

 

LOL

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Kingmaker Campaign in Pathfinder:

 

The dwarf cleric is the team diplomat, who attempts to calm a witch.

aided by the half-elf bard and the druid, The Bard and druid both roll Nat.20s on their helper

checks, but the dwarfs diplomacy roll is a natural 1.

The diplomacy fails, but at least the witch was not angered.

Moral of Story: never send a Dwarf to do an Elf's job.

 

 

We're building up our town in the Pathfinder system.

We had a castle, so First of course after that

was built the tavern, brewery and brothel.

We're trying to force the DM to prove to

us that you can't run a country on an Ale & Whores economic model.

 

 

Later the dwarf drunkenly reminds us that the portraying of his

people as lushes is an unfortunate and uncalled-for stereotype.

 

 

We got the nearby Kobold chieftain to join our side,

and in fact hired him as our assassin, thus giving him

a minor seat on our ruling council. The downside to this is

that now our brothel maintains a small contingent

of Kobold Hookers in case he's in a mood.

 

 

GM: the Plant-Monster has swallowed the Druid whole,

Bard it is your phase...

Bard: What else can I do? I drop the mother of all F-Bombs. @

 

 

Again we try to cajole the witch. We brought her a gift.

It was a Cauldron-2OOO, plus with the Brew-Master option kit,

and other accessories.

 

 

Our city is called the Barony of Tusk-Water.

Our heraldry has a razor-back on it.

Dwarf: what's the name of our place again?

Druid: Hogwart's

Bard: Boar's Head Tavern.

Wizard: Pig-Sty.

GM: Sigh.

 

 

An evil sneaky Treant was supposed to wreak havoc on us PCs.

Character cast detect plants. so we zeroed in on it with Druidic Gaydar.

Then to really tick off the DM, the sorceror got a critical hit with a ray,

and one-shotted the big beast, even before it could step out of hiding.

 

The GM notes that cantankerous Lizard-Men tribe are not simply barbaric cannibals,

since they do not eat reptilian people.

 

 

For a battle, the fighter goes down the line of PCs to receive his buffing up:

The players roleplayed this a tiny bit by getting the fighter's player attention,

raising their hand to him, and telling him what spell they just cast,

as he relinquishes his saving throw.

Cleric: Shield Other.

Fighter: Thanks.

Wizard: Bull Strength

Fighter: Thanks.

Druid: Barkskin.

Fighter: Thanks.

Sorceror:Cat's Grace

Fighter: Thanks.

Bard: Daze.

Fighter: :idjit:

 

 

 

Note @: actually the Bard did more than nothing, he lassoed the Druid's foot,

thus making his recovery possible.

Also, Daze only lasts one phase, so the effects was just a joke.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

I can call palindromedaries from the vasty deep!

 

Why, so can I, or so can any man; But will they come when you do call for them?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Ran the start of the Second Battle of Britain last night (a.k.a. Save the Wales). Not too many quotes, unfortunately. Things start prior to the invasion.

 

Styx has been somewhat-dating Witchcraft of the Champions, and she stopped in Chicago enroute to somewhere else. In secret ID, she meets the 10-year-old girl (Amber) that Styx adopted after her parents were killed. Going through abandonment issues, Amber doesn't immediately take to "Bethany" (Witchcraft). After Witchcraft leaves:

 

Styx: C'mon, she's really nice. If you give her a chance, I'm sure you'll like her.

Amber (while petting her own dog): (sniff) I'll bet she's a cat person...

Styx: As a matter of fact, I think she does have one. (OOC to GM) Doesn't she have a cat as a familiar?

GM: Yes. A black cat named Sunshine.

Styx: A black cat? Named Sunshine?

Serendipity: Hey, that's perfect! She'll get along with my cat, Shadow. Sunshine and Shadow!

Styx: Let me guess. Your cat's all white, isn't it?

 

Samantha (Serendipity's secret ID) and her boyfriend Aidan travel to her homeland, Ireland, to celebrate her adoptive parents' wedding anniversary. Before heading to her parents' house, Samantha is going to finalize details of a US tour she's sponsoring for an Irish rock band (Nine Lies). FYI, she recently learned that her former fiance, Ronan, is working as security for the band.

 

GM: So, are you telling Aidan beforehand that Ronan might be there?

Serendipity: No way! Aidan's not even going to be there. The tour doesn't involve him. He can stay with my parents or something while I'm taking care of the tour stuff.

Styx: (OOC) Yeah, it's not like you're going off to meet with your ex-fiance... oh, wait, that's right, you are!

 

Aidan picks her up after the meeting, saying he's made dinner reservations someplace special. They go to the Royal Botanic Gardens (it's after closing time, but he made special arrangements) and into the Palm House. Surrounded by flowers, trees, and shrubs, a table and catered meal await, as well as a string quartet playing quietly to one side. After eating, Aidan asks Samantha to dance to one of the songs (The Answer to Everything). As they dance, he begins singing the words and, midway through the second verse, drops to one knee and produces a Celtic engagement ring.

 

Aidan: You already own my heart. Will you have the rest of me?

Samantha: Hmmm... let me think about it. (Pause, shrugs) Okay, I guess.

(GM Note: And this after she's been dropping hints to him about proposing, and they've already started looking at houses together.)

 

The heroes get a subspace message from an alien friend, indicating that he would love to visit them and discuss "matters of mutual interest" but can't because it might embroil his people in the war the Kaldarens have declared on Earth. However, he said he'll be studying a nearby star (only 20 LY away) if they "happen to be able to stop by."

 

Subliminal: (to Styx) Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Styx: I believe so.

Both: (high fives) Road trip!

 

The heroes travel to Delta Pavonis, where they learn some vital behind-the-scenes stuff about the Kaldaren war effort. They return to discover an invasion in full swing. Their sensors pick up the alien flagship, which dwarfs their ship (like comparing a 30-foot motor yacht to a US fleet carrier).

 

Subliminal: Sweet! We need one of those.

Styx: It's kinda big.

Subliminal: Size doesn't matter.

 

Cardiff (capital of Wales) has been taken by the aliens. There are currently two strike carriers (smaller than the flagship, but still much larger than the PCs' ship) hovering over the city, along with various gunships, interceptors, personnel carriers, and so on. The players are discussing ways to take out the larger ships.

 

Serendipity: We could just send 50 or 60 supers against each one.

GM: That would probably work, but the aliens will kill a bunch of supers in the process. And you can't mass-produce them.

Synergy: Sure we can! (rubs hand evilly) Bwa-ha-ha-haaa!

 

The heroes ponder getting aboard one of the strike carriers and finding the alien admiral in the privy.

 

Synergy: We can introduce him to an Earth custom called the "swirly."

 

S-Squad teleports into Cardiff dressed as civilians, and finds a squad of British soldiers pinned down by Kaldaren troops. Using his "life sense," Styx notes that an invisible individual is trying to sneak around behind the Brits. Styx describes how he's going to get around behind the alien...

 

Styx: ... and then I'm going to give him the ubiquitous Earth greeting, the "boot to the 'nads."

 

After beating the invisible alien unconscious, Styx hears some thudding noises from an alley behind them. While his teammates finish off the Kaldaren squad that was battling the Brits, Styx jumps over to the alley to see an RAF pilot, apparently shot down recently, beating a Kaldaren trooper with a procured tire iron.

 

Lt. Tibble: We will fight them in the air! (Whack!) We will fight them on the beaches! (Wham!) We will fight them in the streets! (Bam!) We will kick their bloody arses! (Thud!)

Styx: That's one of my favorite Churchill quotes, too.

 

Lt. Tibble: You'd better find someplace to hide, sir. This is no place for a civilian.

Styx: Okay, let me take out the trash first. (Picks up the alien and tosses him in an arc over the apartment building.)

Lt. Tibble: Well, that's bloody useful!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

After beating the invisible alien unconscious' date=' Styx hears some thudding noises from an alley behind them. While his teammates finish off the Kaldaren squad that was battling the Brits, Styx jumps over to the alley to see an RAF pilot, apparently shot down recently, beating a Kaldaren trooper with a procured tire iron.[/quote']

 

Tire iron? It's supposed to be a red crowbar! Don't these guys know anything?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Why' date=' so can I, or so can any man; But will they come when you do call for them?[/quote']

 

Why so can Susano, or so can Shadow Hawk; But with a right good Will they come, if Avon's Calling.

 

Lucius Alexander

 

The palindromedary feels caught between a hot spur and a dour glen.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

forgot two, from Pathfinder: KingMaker

 

when you are building the city, sometimes you fast forward weeks and weeks of campaign time.

as the Bard, my character spends even more time in the Tavern than the others,

cause he plays on the stage, does a little minstrel show.

They sit at the bar, put gold in my jar, and say: Man! what are you doin here!?

 

 

 

after a few months of (relatively boring) city-building time,

I tell the group: Look we have to go out adventuring and kill something.

other player: Why?

Me: cause you guys are getting sick and tired of me telling and re-telling the story

of that one time on adventure when I greased the floor by the evil lieutenant and

he went sliding right out of the fight on his ass.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

A couple of my teen champions characters found a new PC, a refugee from a VIPER experiment in the street, and offer to give him a lift to the police. As they drive, they realize where he's from and how brainwashed he is.

 

PC: Aaa! "This car is protected by Viper" ('cause it's in the back seat!)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...