Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

[Shadow Hawk]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Von Scorpus, Human Artificer

Varus, Elven Rogue

Thorfin, Dwarven Paladin

Sora, Dragonborn Fighter (and my twelve year old son)

 

Telling our plans to a random NPC

Von Scorpus: We are going to use captured uniforms to infiltrate the enemy keep.

NPC: Do you tell everyone you meet this?

Thorfin: Surprise is not an option.

Sora: Can we kill things yet?

NPC: No! There is a bolt hole. But it can only be opened from the inside.

Thorfin: We'll need someone who can climb the walls, sneak in, and open it.

Varus: Will you all stop staring at me!

 

We have to deal with a guard...

Von Scorpus: Here, drink this, it's good for your health.

Guard: I'm not that stupid.

(Varus stabs him in the back.)

Von Scorpus: Told you.

[Hermit]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

In a fantasy campaign, but still funny

 

A barbarian's player fumbles a roll badly, so our Valkyrie like badass accidentally slams her battle axe against an NPC fighter's helm, causing it to go down over his eyes.

The NPC is , understandibly confused, "Creator, I'm blind! Which one got me?"

the Barbarian's player mutters "Now I have to figure out if she's going to fess up later or not."

Without missing a beat, another player chimes in (OOC, of course) and quotes Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade "They got us, son!"

[Ragitsu]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Player 1: "Ok, so what the hell do we do?"

Player 2: *apparently deep in thought...*

Player 3: "We might try just ambushing them"

Player 2: "But then the old guy could die!"

Player 2: "Wait. I got it. We take the psycho's body, clean it up, and then prop it up alongside the car. Don't go in further than the parking lot. He should look okay when his brother checks him with the binoculars"

 

*silence*

 

Player 2: *looking a little embarrassed* "It's just some food for thought"

Player 1: "Needs more cooking"

[Susano]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Quotes from Genghis Con XXXII

Part I

 

Call of Cthulhu: The Crack'd and Crook'd Manor

 

Herbert "Ace" Deringer: "Adventure is a dawn patrol over Germany."

 

Dilbert Rigby: "[Our quarry] could be at the local whorehouse."

Herbert: "That would be a good adventure."

 

(NPC) Sheriff: "I presume it's only you?"

Catharine: "Well, there's my camera crew."

(NPC) Sheriff: "Goddammit."

 

Herbert sees the monster and makes a realization: "Get some salt."

 

Earl: "That reporter fellah? He done went up the chimney."

 

Earl comments on the local wildlife: "That weren't a coon."

 

Herbert: "How is it everytime you say something, I feel worse and worse about our chances?"

Dilbert: "I'm a pragmatist."

 

Savage Worlds (of) Solomon Kane

 

Jean Claude de Mort expresses how awesome he is: "Look at your character... now look back at me..."

 

The GM's mind goes blank: "My name is.... NPC number two."

 

"It is a monster, it is what they do."

 

Jean Claude de Mort expresses how awesome he is, again: "A Frenchman does not root through pockets for loose change."

 

(NPC) Gunter: "Those idiots!"

Angus McCarthur: "Yes, they probably are."

 

A PC gets confused: "Which one is [the enemy]?"

 

Jean Claude: "I'm usin' Fightin'."

Simone: "[Obviously] you're from the south of France."

 

GM: "The vicious wiener dogs... [fail to hit] ...that was really anti-climatic."

 

Lucha Libre Hero

 

Super Gran compliments Caveman Cortez: "A perfect example of Mexico's Neolithic heritage."

 

Amazonia: "Toygirl, perhaps you should grow up before you enter the ring."

 

"Do you smell what the Amazonia is cooking?"

 

Super Gran: "I'm really old school. I have a niece."

 

El Espectro: "A luchadore must be as great a lover as a fighter."

 

El Espectro: "Do I know of any monsters that prey upon beautiful women?"

GM: "Most of them!"

 

GM: "Giant fruit bats don't steal women."

 

"Sweep the leg, Cortez!"

 

"Rat across the building, corner pocket."

 

Caveman Cortez: "I have a one saxophone clause in my contract."

 

Super Gran: "We fight with pure morals... except for Caveman Cortez."

 

Silver Sapphire: "And now master of evil, feel the fire of a pure Mexican tecnico!"

[Susano]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Quotes from Genghis Con XXXII

Part II

 

Kazei 5: Shadows Angelus

 

Susan McPheirson questions a monster: "Can I telekinetically blast you? Yes or no?"

 

Susan gets the answer she was looking for: "I can kill these things."

 

Susan: "I. Need. Stimulants!"

 

"This entire city is powered by colliding pure awesome."

 

Joni is building a tank to defend the city."

 

"Did you trap them in here with us... or us in there with them?"

 

Someone updates Facebook: "Currently possessed by a demon. LOL!"

 

"Dream another dream! This one is over!"

 

Asian Superhero Cinema 2011

 

GM: "You are Bruce Lee, and being Bruce Lee is a super power all by itself."

 

"We have defeated you before Xilian, and I am here to defeat you again!"

 

"With great power comes... the bottom of the DEX order."

 

"Intimidated agents mean nothing to Silver Hawk."

 

Darna tosses a 12d6 manhole cover at a villain: 56 STUN, 16 BODY, 20m knockback. POW!

 

Arachi: "Seriously, Maruchi...."

 

Lastikman: A kindlier, gentler, paddleball."

 

Arachi: "I saved a kitten. Have you saved anyone today? Precisely."

 

The problem with being a Korean cop in Tokyo: "Everyone realizes we don't have jurisdiction here."

 

However: "Superheroes always have jurisdiction."

 

New Green Hornet knows how to get around: "I travel by cut scene and am now climbing Mount Fuji."

 

Arachi: "We're going to bust in there like the superheroes we are."

 

Maruchi: "The Seventh Secret Master is faster than Brice Lee? I give up."

Arachi: "You can't give up, I won't let you."

 

LXG: Valley of the Spider Queen

 

"I want to trade in the Phantom for Sheena, Queen of the Jungle."

"I'd make that trade."

 

Robert Dorf: "Sheena is being played by my mother, just to be specific."

(Just to be clear, Oddhat's Sheena resulted in people unable to breathe due to laughter.)

 

"In the balcony it doesn't matter what pants you're wearing."

 

Sheena: "Very manly. Not very smart, but very manly."

 

Sheena: "The city girl is stealthier than the city guy."

Nita van Sloan: "And the Jungle Queen."

 

The Mile-High Club (Champions)

 

(NPC) Doctor Silverback: "Did you find anything useful?"

Super Sonic: "There was the bomb."

(NPC) Doctor Silverback: "I'm not sure how useful that is..."

 

GM: "Wow... seriously... Destroyer needs some new minions."

 

Pebbles: "There's only one thing to do with an ugly spider... crush it!"

[Drhoz]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

][/size]

Call of Cthulhu: The Crack'd and Crook'd Manor

 

Herbert "Ace" Deringer: "Adventure is a dawn patrol over Germany."

 

Dilbert Rigby: "[Our quarry] could be at the local whorehouse."

Herbert: "That would be a good adventure."

 

(NPC) Sheriff: "I presume it's only you?"

Catharine: "Well, there's my camera crew."

(NPC) Sheriff: "Goddammit."

 

Earl: "That reporter fellah? He done went up the chimney."

 

Earl comments on the local wildlife: "That weren't a coon."

 

Herbert: "How is it everytime you say something, I feel worse and worse about our chances?"

Dilbert: "I'm a pragmatist."

 

Ah, Crack'd & Crook'd Manse. A wonderful module. Not so great for player-characters.

[Klytus]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Ah' date=' Crack'd & Crook'd Manse. A wonderful module. Not so great for player-characters.[/quote']

 

You mean, as opposed to all of those other CoC modules which are great for the PCs??

[lapsedgamer]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

overheard this exchange at a restaurant:

 

Q: "SCA? what's that?"

 

A: "the SCA is a costume society where the men dress up as knights and the women dress up as chunky princesses"

 

You say "chunky princesses" like it's a bad thing. I used to go to ren fairs just to check out the cute big girls in their low-cut costumes. Yesh, I'm a little bit of a pig, but I know what I like.

[Susano]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Ah' date=' Crack'd & Crook'd Manse. A wonderful module. Not so great for player-characters.[/quote']

 

The adventure ended with Dilbert leaping into the basement (fully insane) to swim in the slime. Herbert tried to do the right thing and shot him twice in the back of the head (killing him), then lost his mind as the sheriff sort of exploded next to him. Herbert died as well when the monster got him and then the whole house fell on him. The rest of the PCs left town as fast as possible.

[Ragitsu]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

You say "chunky princesses" like it's a bad thing. I used to go to ren fairs just to check out the cute big girls in their low-cut costumes. Yesh' date=' I'm a little bit of a pig, but I know what I like.[/quote']

 

Nah man, you aren't a pig. Somehow, if gals do the reverse, it's okay, but if guys do it, they are apparently farm animals. Puzzle that one out.

[Enforcer84]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Oh noes! Double standards exist in reverse too!

[Narf the Mouse]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Oh noes! Double standards exist in reverse too!

But saying it's in reverse is a double-standard!

[Querysphinx]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

But saying it's in reverse is a double-standard!

wouldn't that be a standard-doubling (usually worth 5 pts in Hero System...)

[Drhoz]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

You mean' date=' as opposed to all of those other CoC modules which [i']are[/i] great for the PCs??

 

This one is more so And has a particularly horrible moment of realisation, leading to frenzied leaping from top floor windows and a broken neck at the bottom if you're lucky. If you're unlucky, you just break your legs. If you're really unlucky, you don't even get the option of suicide before... well, I shaln't spoil it for you.

 

 

The adventure ended with Dilbert leaping into the basement (fully insane) to swim in the slime. Herbert tried to do the right thing and shot him twice in the back of the head (killing him)' date=' then lost his mind as the sheriff sort of exploded next to him. Herbert died as well when the monster got him and then the whole house fell on him. The rest of the PCs left town as fast as possible.[/quote']

 

Luckier than many then - One group I know of had a TPK, and sent in a second set of investigators to find out what happened to the first

[Ian Mackinder]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Luckier than many then - One group I know of had a TPK' date=' and sent in a second set of investigators to find out what happened to the first [/quote']

 

An extremely common occurrance in classic CoC.

[Susano]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Luckier than many then - One group I know of had a TPK' date=' and sent in a second set of investigators to find out what happened to the first [/quote']

 

The Keeper may have been playing nice. However, we did end up spending the night in the shed outside, rather than stay in the house any longer.

[Ockham's Spoon]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

You say "chunky princesses" like it's a bad thing. I used to go to ren fairs just to check out the cute big girls in their low-cut costumes. Yesh' date=' I'm a little bit of a pig, but I know what I like.[/quote']

 

You know if they didn't want to be admired in those outfits (that they put so much work into) they wouldn't wear them in public. As long as there is no harrassment, everyone is happy.

[Egyptoid]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

You know if they didn't want to be admired in those outfits ...

what I can't believe is all the truth-to-power in my post and only one person repped me.

and I know darn good and well so many of the posters here are intimately familiar with the SCA.

[Enforcer84]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

wouldn't that be a standard-doubling (usually worth 5 pts in Hero System...)

 

so it cost 5 pts for the "Free Ogle" perk?

[Ragitsu]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Oh noes! Double standards exist in reverse too!

 

It seems I earned a Complication a while back.

 

Enemy: Enforcer84. More POW: Watching, but only in regards to something potentially sexist.

[Enforcer84]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

 

you wish, I'm more of a stalker.

[lapsedgamer]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

You know if they didn't want to be admired in those outfits (that they put so much work into) they wouldn't wear them in public. As long as there is no harrassment' date=' everyone is happy.[/quote']

 

I like buxom wenches, and I darest not lie

Thou other varlots darest not deny

That when a maiden doth pass yon

with a low-cut bodice on

 

You doth hold your manhood high ....

 

on St. Crispen's Day, or something like that.

[Enforcer84]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

I like buxom wenches, and I darest not lie

Thou other varlots darest not deny

That when a maiden doth pass yon

with a low-cut bodice on

 

You doth hold your manhood high ....

 

on St. Crispen's Day, or something like that.

 

*waves torch in the air, like there would be no repercussions*

[Balabanto]

Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

I like buxom wenches, and I darest not lie

Thou other varlots darest not deny

That when a maiden doth pass yon

with a low-cut bodice on

 

You doth hold your manhood high ....

 

on St. Crispen's Day, or something like that.

 

Well, it's better than...

 

I like big Hutts and I cannot lie,

You other scum can't deny

That when a slime worm slithers in

With a jowly face

And he's captured a pirate ace

 

It just bites,

Going to freeze you in carbonite...

 

cos baby's got Sarlacc...

[Houston GM]

Quotes from Owlcon - part 3

 

Shadowrun 4E "Night of the Frozen Fat Lady"

 

The shadowrunners have been hired to find and retrieve Eugenia Potter, a woman who was kidnapped by the Jesters, a gang that was inspired by the Joker.

 

Cast of characters:

Glitch: ork decker

Lee: elf combat mage

Swagger: ork gunslinger

Mr. Johnson (NPC): our Mr. Johnson (our anonymous employer, for those unfamiliar with the setting)

 

Mr. Johnson handed us a picture of Eugenia Potter. Judging by her appearance, she weighed 800-900 lbs. (400-450 kg)

Swagger: "That's a whole lotta woman."

Glitch: (to Mr. Johnson) "You wanna git'er back alive? Or is dead jus' as good?"

Mr. Johnson: "I would prefer that you rescue her alive. In fact, your pay is dependent upon it."

Glitch: "Jus' checkin'."

 

Big Bobo (a Jester lieutenant) sent one of his gangers to warn us off. Swagger kneecapped him, then spent a couple minutes interrogating him so Glitch could surreptitiously hack into the Jester's commlink.

Swagger: (to the Jester, sounding somewhat concerned) "Are you sure you doin' okay? You don' look so good."

Jester: "My knee really hurts, man."

Swagger: "Is there sumpin' I can do for that? Call DocWagon?"

Jester: "I have a trauma patch in my pocket."

Swagger: (carefully reaches into the Jester's pocket) "This?" (and tosses the patch over his shoulder) "Oops. Now you can tell me who sent you, or you can bleed out right here."

The Jester spilled his guts, and Glitch thoroughly cracked the Jester's commlink.

Swagger: "You don' tell anyone 'bout this conversayshun. They ask 'bout you knee, you tell 'em you had a axxydennal discharge. You talk, I kill you mama, you dada an' you cat."

 

The team caught up to Big Bobo (an ork) a block after he left a StufferShack with another Jester and their pet barghest. Swagger threw his car into a bootlegger turn, slamming the broadside of it into them. The three pedestrians, and a bag full of NukeIt Burittos, went flying.

Glitch: (looks out the car window, sees the barghest with an obviously broken back, gasping its last breaths) "Good doggy."

Swagger: (gets out of the car, picks a NukeIt Burrito up off the ground, takes a bite, and points his gun at the ork) "We're lookin' fer Big Bobo. That you?"

Big Bobo shoved his hand into his pocket. Swagger fired, blowing his hand off.

Glitch: "I hope 'e was reachin' fer a gun an' not 'is commlink."

Lee: "That would be bad."

Glitch: "On th' bright side, he prob'ly wasn' callin' Knight Errant fer help."

Swagger reached his hand into Big Bobo's pocket, pulled a commlink out, and poked his finger through the bullet hole in it.

Swagger: "Oops. My bad."

 

The team went to see a contact who had the tools to allow us to access the information on the damaged commlink. As we entered a nicer neighborhood, a police drone started tailing the car. It pinged our commlinks to read our System Identification Numbers (SIN for short, the equivalent of a social security number). Glitch's commlink was on with a fake SIN loaded, so the drone scanned that. Swagger and Lee's commlinks were on standby, so the drone sent a message requesting they be switched on to provide their SINs.

Glitch: (to Swagger and Lee) "You two got SINs." (neither do) "When I tell you to, you switch on yer commlinks. I'll route a coupla my SINs through yer commlinks so you look legit."

The drone was satisfied with the ruse and flew off.

Swagger: "Tha's why I like workin' wit' you. Always purfeshnal. No muss, no fuss."

Lee: (to Glitch) "How many SINs do you have, anyway?"

Glitch: "Four."

Lee: (impressed) "You have a lot of SINs."

Glitch: (leering) "In more wayz'n one."

Lee: "Good thing they didn't notice that I'm not an ork. They might have stopped us for that."

Swagger: "Wha's this worl' cummin' to, when a couple orks an' a elf can' go fer a drive wi'out gittin' hassl'd by th' cops."

 

The group discovers the Jesters' plan. Governor Brackhaven's crackdown on the gangs led to the arrest of Great Pinkey, leader of the Jesters. Therefore, the Jesters have enacted "The Last Laugh."

 

The Last Laugh: In order to get revenge, the Jesters have decided to kill Governor Brackhaven in the funniest way possible. They plan to abduct the fattest woman they can find, cryogenically freeze her, then drop her from a great height onto Governor Brackhaven while he's giving a public speech.

 

Glitch: (finishing reading the plan) "Too bad we're gittin' paid to rescue th' woman. If not, I'd let this happen. Cuz tha's th' funniest thin' I ever heard."