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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

With Polonius facing a face worse than death - liaison officer to Orks - Guilderstern & Aleks the Astropath hatch - they're going to have him assassinated. By gretchin. Armed with tranq-rounds disguised as real autogun bullets. During a live press conference. They call in every favour they can with the various ecclesiastical, Inquisitorial, and Elder intelligence groups that they can. Most seem willing to play along, providing, variously, fake ambulances, tranq rounds/paint pellets, and pressure on the Tau for access to Polonius, but are highly suspicious about everything they're not being told regarding the plan, and dubious about the chances of success.

Guildenstern
: We have nothing to fear but fear itself

Polonius OOC
: ...and xenos and witches and heretics.

Although, to be sure, there's more than enough people that want Polonius dead, such as the fungus plantation-owners slightly aggrieved about all the torch-waving mobs, and that Mekaniak they annoyed on the moon. Indeed the latter is annoyed enough to do a pirate broadcast.

Gretchin with sign
: Dis broadcast is bein' inneruptd 4 a speshul message

Mekaniak
: OI! You might fink yuze a tuff fighta cause you put a hole in me powerpack but yuze was just a lucky git, and I dares ya ta come up ' ere an' 'ave anuvva go,
if ya fink ya ' ard enuff

Their choice of assassin is alarming enough - a captive gretchin who more than anything else is baffled that he's being given a shoota and being told to go shoot somebody, something he was inclined to do anyway. Polonius, when informed by his Tau captors that the Elder journalism corps are insisting on another press conference before he's sent off to Orky doom, suspects a political move.

Polonius
: I'm certainly not expecting assassination by my friends - not even Guildenstern could be that stupid.

 

Journalist 1
: Brother Polonius! In the interview you recorded before the festival, you stated that you expected to be killed within minutes of your sermon. Do you still think that was likely, or do you have an over-inflated sense of your own importance?

Polonius
: Not at all - after all, the U Tharan ambassador attempted to use psychic powers on me, on the very steps of the cathedral. Who knows what would have happened if my brave fellow humans hadn't stepped in to intervene?

Journalist 2
: And yet here you are about to be shipped off to liaise with the very species you demanded be exterminated. Are you surprised by this development?

Polonius
: I admit that it only goes to prove that the Emperor moves in mysterious ways, and that for me to anticipate what will happen next is blasphemy. I can only rest comforted by the knowledge that whatever happens next is all for the long-term good of my species.

Which is when the gretchin assassin drops from the roof vents, and blazes away before the Tau security empty their pulse carbines back in it's direction. Which is the cue for all the other intelligence factions in play on Myen Fio to hijack Guildenstern's plan for their own ends. For one thing, an Eldar operative in the audience throws himself into the line of fire, evidently to save Polonius' life and make the Eldar look good. He looks briefly surprised that the rounds are actually tranquillising paint pellets and not actual bullets, but not as surprised as Polonius, who looks down at the spreading red stain on his chest, and collapsing, manages to gasp out some final words.

Polonius
: Funny.... I always... thought.. being martyred... would hurt more.

Then further chaos ensues, as a Rhino tank crashes through the wall and Space Marines leap out, loudly demanding that the 'mortally wounded Polonius' be handed over to them since only their medical science will be enough to save him. Guildenstern and Aleks, who have circling the building in their fake ambulance, are stunned by this development as anybody else, but have a good idea of who is behind this, and are slightly aggrieved that the Archbishop has hijacked their fake assassination.

GM
: Gee, it's almost like you can't trust the people you hire to commit crimes for you, without them reporting to their superiors.

They eventually make their way to the hospice, where the Polonius is being put a suspension tank for the duration, and the Archbishop interrogates Guildenstern and Aleks as to what they thought they were doing when they set up the plan. All this human med-tech gives the human intelligence factions a chance to peer inside Guildenstern's head and try and find out why nobody from Kringle can remember him, and why Guildenstern can't remember a thing about his life before the POW ship.

Guildenstern
: We were trying to preserve the crusade..

Polonius OOC
: ... and keep the Ork fires burning?

 

Archbishop
: And did you do all this purely to punish the knob.. I mean the noble... Polonius?

 

GM
: They spend all day scanning your neural connections and examining the brain surgery...

Polonius OOC
: ... and find a big section of your brain where all outgoing nerves have been severed. And when they look at that through a blue filter, they see somebody has signed it Z.B.

Guildenstern OOC
: 'El Barto Was Here'

Aleks OOC
: 'To Be Completed'

Polonius meanwhile, has been experiencing what he thinks is his soul being carried by Space Marines, into, he hopes, the presence of the Emperor himself, to be blessed for his efforts on behalf of Humanity. Instead, he wakes up in the next medtank along from Guildenstern, not a sight anybody deserves first thing in the morning.

Polonius
: Oh god, I'm in Hell!

Polonius is not happy with Guildenstern when he learns what has happened.

Polonius
: You know, back home we used to make servitors out of people like you.

 

Aleks
: Nevermind. It's better to be assassinated by your friends than by your enemies.

 

Guildenstern
: ... and that's where I picked up these prosthetic hands.

Archbishop
: *
appalled
* The Tau cut off your hands?

Guildenstern
: Well, they kind of had to. I kept carving the Twelve Precepts into my skin with my fingernails, and the wounds got infected.

Polonius
: Which shows an admirable piety, but perhaps a lack of sterile technique.

 

GM
: You should be able to get Zealotry as an insanity.

Polonius
: I think it's the default.

Children's Television in the 40th Millennium

Presenter
: And shall will look through the 8-pointed Star Window today children?

Children
:
*Screams*

Presenter
: Or the Gothic Arch window?

Children
:
*more screams*

Meanwhile, Polonius has been getting mail. The Tau are making increasingly pointed requests to interview him about the assassination attempt, and the hospice continues to fob them off for the time being. They also send him the Tau guide to negotiating with Orks, and he even gets a letter from the Ork Boss he'll be working with.

Guide
: ... when talking to the Orkoid it is advisable to wear a Crisis Battlesuit. That way, you will be bigger than they are and they may listen to you.
n.b.
Do not try this with Ork Nobbs in Mega-Armour.

 

Ork Boss
: We wuz worried you wernt tuff enuff to work wiv da Boyz, but den we saw ya take all dem shots and yuze iz still kickin' so we kno yuze iz One Tuff Humie. Lookin' forward ta workin' wiv ya, KAPTIN BUCKTOOF

They was more, but I wasn't feeling well and had to go lie down. I doubt Polonius was feeling very well either...

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Tonight's Pathfinder story has several morals, most of which can be boiled down to a few basic "Rules of adventuring."

 

So the heroes are wandering through some caverns to fight these priests of Ilbrandul, god of caverns. Well, that's what adventurers do. So they get this bright idea of disguising themselves as a priest who got killed by an NPC they picked up.

 

This turned out to be kind of a bad move. For one thing, the room that one of the priests was waiting in had a teleportation trap outside that teleported people into one of the pools of green slime in the room. Ugh.

 

For another, the dragon in the room with the priests had true seeing up all the time, so as soon as one character moved into the room without being teleported, the plan was doomed to failure. However...one of the players thought it was a great idea to cast Good Hope in the hallway outside.

 

At this point, I just shrugged and said "Roll initiative."

 

So the battle with the Dragon, the priest, and the mohrgs covered in illusions begins. This sucked a whole lot. During the battle, however, the gnome illusionist decided to taunt the dragon after it said something unpleasant.

 

Gnome: Oh, really? (Hurls an orb of electricity at the dragon. Rolls a 1)

 

Dragon: Really. You are weak and pathetic.

 

So after the gnome fireballs the Dragon, dealing almost no damage, the fireball seals off the dragon's tiny escape route.

 

Dragon (To Gnome): Curse you!

 

Other characters: Wha?

 

I explained it all afterwards. The podium near where the dragon was standing had a hole in the center, just big enough for the dragon to turn into a snake and escape through. The fireball melted the copper pipe shut, denying the dragon his means of escape.

 

But it was hilarious, albeit deadly. Three characters got green slimed and the NPC they met got turned into a zombie. If they didn't have 3 clerics, they would have died.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

The continued adventures of 4th edition DnD

Andraste, the Eladrin Warlock

Theren, the Elven Ranger

Nebin, the Halfling Rogue

Adinymus, the Drow Cleric

James, the Half-Elf Paladin

Sepharis, the Shadow Assassin

Ugh, the Half-Orc Barbarian

 

Ugh: Were-Rat!

Andraste: There rat!

 

Andraste: I use Hellish Rebuke on him. If anyone damages me, he'll automatically take more damage.

Andinymus, to Therin: Quick, shoot him!

 

Ugh uses his abilities to move all over the battlefield...

GM: Why do you do that?

Ugh: Because I can.

 

Andinymus: We should give honor to the gods!

Therin: Why?

Andinymus: They created the world!

Andraste: Have you seen the world lately? Shoddy workmanship.

Andinymus: Must you be blasphemous?

Andraste: Hello, infernal pact warlock here.

James: Yes, the only females in the party are either in league with the devil or professional killers.

Nebin: Aren't they all?

Sepherus (to Andraste): Do you want to kill him, or shall I?

Nebin: But it's true!

Ugh: But it's rude to say so.

Nebin: I don't take politeness lessons from orcs.

Ugh: I'll hold him down...

Sepherus: I'll stab him...

Andraste: And I'll set him on fire.

James: Finally, teamwork!

 

Therin uses his bow...

Therin: I hit him four times. That should make him happy.

Sepherus: How so?

Therin: Dead enemies are happy enemies!

Andraste: It's true, I've never heard a dead enemy complain.

 

James, to Andinymus: Stop acting so holier than thou!

 

Sepherus: What's the plan?

Ugh: Kill them.

Nebin: Take thier stuff.

Andraste: And in that order.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Benedikt: Oh My God! What is that Smell! Did I just step in something! By Crom!!

 

You know, the city puts signs up everywhere, they even leave those plastic baggies and garbage bins all over the place, and some people still just cannot clean up after their giant dire wolves. It's disgusting, is what it is. :no:

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

You know' date=' the city puts signs up everywhere, they even leave those plastic baggies and garbage bins all over the place, and some people still just cannot clean up after their giant dire wolves. It's disgusting, is what it is. :no:[/quote']

 

 

I suspect that even the Man from Glad would hesitate to try and deal with that

kind of mess...

 

 

Major Tom 2009 :sneaky:

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Well this was an unusual occurance that happened in our last sessions game.

 

We had the brick hit by a sight and hearing flash attack.

 

You would think he could do very little not having any sight and hearing.

 

Not until the female player with multiform shapechang changed into in small dragon form then landed on his back and with mind link could direct him around.

 

Knowing the player has problems with her left and right not being the same as everyone else I said this would make it easier but still difficult. She said "OK I will grab him by the ears and pull his left ear when I want him to go left and his right ear when I want him to go right".

 

This is when the player said "yes I had an ex girl friend that used to do that as well"!

 

For some reason my wife (the small dragon) blushed!

 

:eg:

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Well this was an unusual occurance that happened in our last sessions game.

 

We had the brick hit by a sight and hearing flash attack.

 

You would think he could do very little not having any sight and hearing.

 

Not until the female player with multiform shapechang changed into in small dragon form then landed on his back and with mind link could direct him around.

 

Knowing the player has problems with her left and right not being the same as everyone else I said this would make it easier but still difficult. She said "OK I will grab him by the ears and pull his left ear when I want him to go left and his right ear when I want him to go right".

 

This is when the player said "yes I had an ex girl friend that used to do that as well"!

 

For some reason my wife (the small dragon) blushed!

 

:eg:

 

 

Oooooo...methinks I sense the presence of blackmail material.

 

 

Major Tom 2009 :eg:

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Rondale reiterates his determination to protect his mother and siblings' date=' a drive he feels very keenly since his unknown father abandoned them before they were born.[/quote']

 

Before they were born? Were they triplets or something? Or did dear ol' Dad keep coming back just to knock up Mum, then take off again afterward? :winkgrin:

 

Great stuff, as always. Sorry I can't rep you right now.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

After finding a multi chamber grenade launcher (think really big revolver) and a case of color coded grenades (with no documentation as to their function) the boarding party readies themselves to charge into a room full of enemy space marines. Caligula has loaded one grenade of each color into the cylinders and slammed it shut. Keep in mind

 

Caligula: okay... You guys go in. I've got you covered.

Mariko: whoa, there cowboy! What makes you think I want to be in the room while your lobbing random grenades in after me!?

Isunne: oh, these aren't random at all. These are very specific grenades, they are the ones we found in the box.

Caligula (looking down the barrel to confirm the color coding on the loaded grenade) yeah! Like he said! They're not random. This one's red!

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

After finding a multi chamber grenade launcher (think really big revolver) and a case of color coded grenades (with no documentation as to their function) the boarding party readies themselves to charge into a room full of enemy space marines. Caligula has loaded one grenade of each color into the cylinders and slammed it shut. Keep in mind

 

Caligula: okay... You guys go in. I've got you covered.

Mariko: whoa, there cowboy! What makes you think I want to be in the room while your lobbing random grenades in after me!?

Isunne: oh, these aren't random at all. These are very specific grenades, they are the ones we found in the box.

Caligula (looking down the barrel to confirm the color coding on the loaded grenade) yeah! Like he said! They're not random. This one's red!

 

 

Oh, Lord...yet another case of the "Space Marine mentality" ("Kill them all,

and let the Emperor sort them out").

 

 

Major Tom 2009 :bmk:

Feuer Frei!

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

The continued adventures of 4th edition DnD

Andraste, the female Eladrin Warlock (The Pyromaniac)

Theren, the male Elven Ranger (The Archer)

Nebin, the male Halfling Rogue (The Short)

Adinymus, the male Drow Cleric (The holy)

James, the male Half-Elf Paladin (The Pius)

Sepharis, the female Shadow Assassin (The Creepy)

Ugh, the male Half-Orc Barbarian (The Barbarian)

 

Confronted by starving wolves...

Andinymus: They're hungry.

Andraste: Quick, feed them the halfling!

 

Three attack the Paladin

Andraste: That's what he's there for.

 

Fighting a Goblin shaman who is cursed, quarried, and divinely sanctioned

Nebin: He's not happy.

Andraste: That's because he's not dead.

Therin: Because dead enemies are happy enemies.

 

Andinymus: I use fairie fire.

Andraste: So he's glowing?

Andinymus: Nuke 'em 'til they glow then shoot them in the dark.

 

Therin is shooting his bow over Nebin

Nebin: I duck!

Andraste: You don't have to.

 

Andinymus: I like when the enemies miss.

 

Therin: I use careful attack. Critical! It's super effective!

 

A dark passageway...

James: I think someone stealthy should go first.

Nebin: You would.

 

Fighting a wizard...

Nebin: He's annoying, he deserves to die.

Therin: We make annoying people happy!

 

Nebin describes the wizard...

Nebin: He's taller than a halfling.

Andraste: Isn't everyone?

 

Andinymus: I use gaze of defiance. Critical!

Therin: He doesn't like being stared at.

GM: He's dead.

Nebin: He really hates being stared at.

Therin: But he's happy now!

 

Running battle...

Andraste: Stab him and get out of there!

Nebin: Don't tell me how to be a rogue.

Andraste: Why not?

Nebin: I don't tell you how to be a bitch.

Andraste: I set the halfling on fire.

Everyone but Andraste: Again?

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Oh' date=' Lord...yet [i']another [/i]case of the "Space Marine mentality" ("Kill them all,

and let the Emperor sort them out").

 

 

Major Tom 2009 :bmk:

Feuer Frei!

 

It's worse than that... Genetically modified human space pirate... And to be fair... The marines WERE out to slaughter the player party...

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

After finding a multi chamber grenade launcher (think really big revolver) and a case of color coded grenades (with no documentation as to their function) the boarding party readies themselves to charge into a room full of enemy space marines. Caligula has loaded one grenade of each color into the cylinders and slammed it shut. Keep in mind

 

Caligula: okay... You guys go in. I've got you covered.

Mariko: whoa, there cowboy! What makes you think I want to be in the room while your lobbing random grenades in after me!?

Isunne: oh, these aren't random at all. These are very specific grenades, they are the ones we found in the box.

Caligula (looking down the barrel to confirm the color coding on the loaded grenade) yeah! Like he said! They're not random. This one's red!

 

Reminds me of a Paranoia! adventure, where the Troubleshooters are issued a rocket launcher with the rounds

"Color coded for your convenience. You have paint marking, armor piercing, high explosive, napalm. solid slug, and tactical nuke."

"Excellent, friend supply officer. What is the color code?"

"What's you security clearance?"

"Red, friend supply officer."

"I'm sorry, that information is unavailable at your security clearance."

 

The GM is advised to either roll randomly for effect, or pick whichever one would be funniest. Oh, and the rockets didn't have enough range to get out of the blast radius of the tacnuke round.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

I lost my gaming group when I moved earlier this year but I still have three sessions worth of quotes so I'll parcel them out a session at a time until they're all gone.

 

When the GM grabbed the thief's miniature instead of the fighter: "No, that's me. Stop touching me!"

 

After deciding which way our party was headed: "So we go that way, through the Oreos."

 

Fighter: "So it does a d8 damage, right?"

GM: "Yeah, a d8."

Sorcerer: "Coulda had a d8."

 

While describing a sai, the girl who plays our sorcerer said, "It's like a big rod."

So the guy who plays our thief chimed in with, "Is that the Johnson rod?"

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Reminds me of a Paranoia! adventure, where the Troubleshooters are issued a rocket launcher with the rounds

"Color coded for your convenience. You have paint marking, armor piercing, high explosive, napalm. solid slug, and tactical nuke."

"Excellent, friend supply officer. What is the color code?"

"What's you security clearance?"

"Red, friend supply officer."

"I'm sorry, that information is unavailable at your security clearance."

 

The GM is advised to either roll randomly for effect, or pick whichever one would be funniest. Oh, and the rockets didn't have enough range to get out of the blast radius of the tacnuke round.

 

I loved paranoia back in the day... Used to get in trouble in junior high for coughing "commie" when anyone in class asked for clarification... The gaming group and I shared all our classes so we thought it was awesome...

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Reminds me of a Paranoia! adventure, where the Troubleshooters are issued a rocket launcher with the rounds

"Color coded for your convenience. You have paint marking, armor piercing, high explosive, napalm. solid slug, and tactical nuke."

"Excellent, friend supply officer. What is the color code?"

"What's you security clearance?"

"Red, friend supply officer."

"I'm sorry, that information is unavailable at your security clearance."

 

The GM is advised to either roll randomly for effect, or pick whichever one would be funniest. Oh, and the rockets didn't have enough range to get out of the blast radius of the tacnuke round.

 

 

I've said this once before, and I'll say it again: a close-range tac-nuking is a

very bad thing indeed...

 

 

Major Tom 2009 :eg:

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

I've said this once before, and I'll say it again: a close-range tac-nuking is a

very bad thing indeed...

 

 

Major Tom 2009 :eg:

 

Which it was utterly insane when the U.S. army actually came up wioth a tactical nuclear artillery shell. Maximum range < minimum safe distance. ??????

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