Balabanto Posted August 1, 2011 Report Share Posted August 1, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... So I wrapped up War of Worldcraft last night for the Denver Crusaders. Oddly, the night really belonged to... The Peerless Perceptoid, a character from the MMO. Fireheart: You see stuff from far away? Perceptoid: Yeah. Fireheart: So you can keep an eye on West Edge for us? Perceptoid: Yeah. I can see inside buildings too, but it kinda drains me. Fireheart: Go on... ------------------------------- So after Perceptoid tells them everything about Download's hideout, the assault begins. After the characters ambush Download and knock him out of the building via a tunnel, the banter starts. Cybervulture: Hey, I don't run out of missiles here! Streamline: I'm pretty sure this isn't like anything in the real world. Fireheart: Actually, for Cybervulture, it's exactly like it is in the real world. (Referring to Cybervulture's lack of genitals) ----------------------------------- Streamline studies his admin cheats. Looking at the display, he can't believe his eyes. Streamline: What are my admin cheats? Me: Gatling Shield, Overload Cannon, and Gorilla Grenade Streamline: Gorilla grenade? Me: Look, you wanted to log in as "Ape in a Man Suit." Don't blame the designer here. ---------------------------------- Me: Well, Jason Watts Long programmed this like this. Streamline shouts "Gorilla Grenade!" His helmet opens wide to reveal the face of a gorilla, and pods open in his shoulders and legs, unleashing a wave of grenades that oddly don't affect his allies. ---------------------------------- In a desperate attempt to take hostages, Download mind controls Fireheart inside the MMO to destroy the console and trap the people in the servers. Download: Destroy the console! Trap the people here forever! Go, my minion! Rewards shall be great! I shall make you level fifty! ----------------------------------- After waking up in his own body Cybervulture: Wow! That hurt. I feel like I need a whole case of beer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucius Posted August 1, 2011 Report Share Posted August 1, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... I've been playing Morrow Project. My character is Sergeant white. I have only played a couple of sessions so I don't remember the other character's names and I think of them as The Lieutenant, The Corporal, The Private, The Doctor, and The Teacher. Sgt White is the one with Ranger training, the best tracker and outdoorsman and recon expert. As such, he's out in the woods checking the backtrail of a band of refugees we met up with, making sure they're not being followed, etc. I fumble a roll. After days of adventure including encounters with giant mutated animals, the team has its first injury. Sgt White has tripped on a root and sprained an ankle (1 pt damage.) Sgt White (Out Of Character): I take off my boot, wrap my ankle, and put my boot back on. Then I get up and go back to what I was doing. No one ever has to know. I dawdle in the woods (no point stressing the ankle by moving fast) and find no pursuers but with a trail this easy to follow... Sgt White (OoC): Any chance whatsoever of obscuring this trail? Mission Director (or whatever they call it in Morrow Project) : (Lengthy description of the kind of trail left by a score of mostly sick or wounded people, their horses, and a couple of big wagons) Sgt White: So, basically, NO. Okay, I waste no time trying. I set a few improvised booby traps, of the bent-sapling-and-sharp-stake variety. On the way back to camp I'll see what I can gather or kill in the way of food. Later, after I've returned to camp, the Lieutenant is setting up guard rotation for the night. Sgt White: Sir, I did a lot of hiking out in those woods today. Permission to be excused from guard duty just this once? (I'm trying to stay off the foot as much as possible to both hide the sprain and let it heal as quickly as possible. But it's out of character for the Sergeant to shirk anything, and the suspicious Doctor starts looking close and makes a Diagnosis roll) Doctor (privately, at least): Come into the medical tent. I want a look at your leg, Sergeant. After rewrapping the sprain, the Doctor offers a dose of pain killer despite our finite supply. Sgt White: 'M okay, I don't need painkiller. Doctor: Oh, you want to maybe go into combat with your ankle like that? Sgt White: Okay, I'll take the painkiller. Doctor told the Lieutenant (so much for medical confidentiality) but at least no one ELSE knows yet. (The PLAYERS all know and find it highly amusing) Our major crisis to deal with (apart from all the usual postapocalyptic problems of giant wolves roaming the countryside; soil everywhere damaged by the aftereffects of a nuclear war leading to poor crop yields and thus to malnutrition; ignorance, poverty and disease endemic in the population as a result of the general collapse of civiliation some generations ago) is a warlord calling himself Crom who is described by everyone as "The Smartest Man in the World" and is said to "Know Everything." Mission Administrator and Narrator: His soldiers kill the women and children, but enslave men. He mutates them. You have one with the group, remember? (He's referring to an escaped slave we picked up that the Doctor found to have been both lobotomized and emasculated. He's forgotten his own name and goes by the number Crom issued him, Forty One.) Sgt White (OOC): Forty One isn't a mutant, he's just been mutilated. The M.A.N. : Yeah, that's what I meant, mutilated. Sgt White: I don't think Crom is from the Past, like us. I think he found a batch of old Conan comic books and got the name from that. Or maybe he's seen the movie. The Corporal: I bet he knows What is Best in Life. Sgt White: I mean to ask if he knows the Riddle of Steal. "How long can you get away with it if you STEAL everything you can get your hands on? Oh, up to about now. BANG." One of the refugees died under the Doctor's care, and that man's widow is now angry at the Doctor. Hoping to help redirect some of that anger towards the real enemy, I sit by her at supper and nod towards her daughter. Sgt White: Your girl's about ten, right? Grieving Widow: That's right. Sgt White: When she's old enough to have children of her own, if I have anything to say about it - I don't care if I have to die to make it happen - there will be no Crom. This is overheard by ANOTHER widow, who was already seething at Crom. That night, as the Sarge tries to get some rest and hope his ankle feels better in the morning, this other widow finds his sleeping bag and proposes intimacies. She is obviously looking to pair up, and not just seeking a night's consolation. She thinks the Sergeant knows what a woman needs (revenge, among other things.) Sgt White: Not here. Not now. We're at war. When Crom is gone.... (soft kiss, then gently but firmly pushes her away) When we know we're safe, when your kids are safe....maybe then we can talk about giving them some little brothers and sisters. Sgt White's sleep is interrupted AGAIN when a couple hours after midnight two more lost soldiers from the 20th Century find our camp. Our two groups had heard of each other and were now meeting face to face and talking. Lieutenant: Our mission is to rebuild civilization. Soldier: You got a loooong mission ahead of you then. Lieutenant: We can use all the help we can get. The two new soldiers have come from observing a running battle in a nearby town. The locals are about overrun, but there's a peculiarity about Crom's soldiers - they NEVER fight at night. If we move out now, we can hit them while they're still asleep. Angry Widow wants to come along. Angry Widow: I want to kill Crom. Lieutenant: If Crom's even there, I don't want him killed. I want him captured. Can you promise you won't kill Crom if you meet him? Angry Widow: I can't promise that. Lieutenant: That's one reason you're not going. The other is that the vehicles only have so much room. Sgt White: Okay team, remember what I said about never firing unless both the Lieutenant and I are incapacitated, or over 30 meters away, or one of us gives the command "Fire?" Forget that. New general order is: Fire at your own discretion. We strike in the hour before dawn, going down the road targetting the houses (in this part of the tiny village, the houses are all enemy occupied.) Then our forward vehicle falls into a pit trap. This booby trap is our first clue that Crom's men, who seem short on brains and long on reckless courage, have any capacity to think tactically. The rear is on the road, the front is in the pit, and our vehicular weapons (Sgt White was manning the turret) are now useless - and we're stuck about 5 m. from an occupied building. Fortunately, it seems most of the occupants are already casualties and only one is still firing at us from there (other houses have dozens of enemy soldiers armed with M -16s, an apparently unlimited supply of ammunition (HOW?) no concept of fire discipline and no idea how to aim beyond "point that end at the enemy.") The Lieutenant, driving, manages to twist the vehicle around so it kind of lands fully in the pit, at right angles to the road. Way to go, sir. Lucky I wasn't thrown from the turret. Thinking to take at least one prisoner for intelligence, Sgt White leaps from the turret, meaning to dive into one of the house windows and go hand to hand with that last rifleman inside.... And fumbles a roll again. Must have forgotten about the injured ankle. At least being prone in the pit next to an armored vehicle is relatively safe when someone blows up the house sitting a few paces from us. And now Sergeant White can claim this is when he hurt the ankle. Hopefully no one ELSE will learn that Sergeant "I am a shadow. I am a wind. I am death that comes silent and unseen when you think you are alone in the forest" White tripped over a tree root in the woods. Lucius Alexander Postapalindromedariocolyptic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major Tom 2009 Posted August 2, 2011 Report Share Posted August 2, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Dark Heresy : The Myen-Fio Campaign - En route from the Ork Rokk we just raided, we debrief. The failure of some of the mutant suicide bombers to reach their objectives, despite Polonius' exhortations, is discussed. Polonius : I told them to count to three on their fingers, then pull the detonation cords. In retrospect that may have been our error - some of them didn't have that many. But we were still lucky to get out alive - indeed, the nearly empty corridors and absence of Ork ships raises an alarming possibility, soon confirmed - the Orks have raised a war fleet and are currently attacking the U Tharan craftworld and the outskirts of the Myen-Fio star system. So what to do? Clearly it would be suicidal to try and return to Myen-Fio directly, and lending assistance to the battle at the Eldar ship would be just as dangerous. The Lord-Captain is reluctant to endanger his ship, since that would annoy the Inquisitor he is forced to work for. Lord-Captain : I wouldn't want to risk my master's assets. Polonius : Master? Lord-Captain : Alright, 'Underwriter'. Polonius : *wistfully* Although it would have been nice to seen the look on that U Tharan ambassador's face if we showed up and saved the day. But I can dream. GM : The Orks are just trying to prove has the biggest cojones. Guildenstern : That'd be me. GM : Your basic Rhino tank can be repaired by a twelve-year-old. Or a Space Wolf. Happily, there is an alternative to sitting around twiddling our thumbs. The ship's explorator has reason to believe the Eldar once had an outpost on the frozen near-deathworld orbiting Myen-Fio's companion star. Going and having a look is worthwhile, since we were intending on transplanting the Kringlemen population there anyway - the climate is more like home. The Tau have had a small scientific research program running there, but haven't discovered the Eldar ruins as far as we know. There's also some evidence that there is intelligent native life, although what form life might take on a frozen, volcanic world, with some mountains poking out of the atmosphere, and saturated with nitrogen, sulphur compounds, and massive amounts of poisonous alcohols, is a mystery. Polonius OOC : Boozehounds. Guildenstern OOC : Barflies! Polonius : What are we going to call this new world anyway, given its frigid temperature and lifeforms consisting of 20% alcohol? Guildenstern OOC : Russia. Either way, if we're going to go down and see if we can get the Eldar's attention by poking around the ruins, we're going to need a fresh pilot. Our Tau, Clipped-Wings, is unfamiliar with more elaborate human vessels, and still shellshocked from his experiences on the Ork Rokk anyway. Happily, the Lord-Captain has one available. Polonius : So, can you tell me why the Lord-Captain considers you ideal for the position, and expendable? Torque : I couldn't say, Father. I've only crashed three flyers this year. Well, I say crashed, but I got them down in one piece. Well, mostly one piece. Well - Polonius : What you're saying is that the vessels came to a stop with an excess of excitement. Torque : Yeah, there was certainly plenty of excitement. Evidence is indeed found of an Eldar settlement, and Webway Portal, frozen into the permafrost of an artificial island in one of the noxious slushy seas. Despite being alert for attack from hypothetical boozehounds and barflies, we're still surprised by some of the locals - mute, apparently hooded figured, roughly bipedal, with long snout-like faces and limbs apparently composed of entwined tentacles, who seem to want to try and talk with us. They can also envelop themselves in flickering alcohol flames at will, and are promptly nicknamed the Flaming Moes. Guildenstern is sent out to communicate - after all, Polonius won't mind much if he gets horribly killed. Interpretive dance, channelling Travolta, Jackson, etc, doesn't seem to be getting us anywhere, but they do seem to admire Guildenstern's shock maul as it blazes with electrical fire brighter than their own flickering glow. Polonius : Is anybody else suddenly worried that we sent Guildenstern out to conduct a First Contact situation? Because I suddenly have grave misgivings. But the Flaming Moes lose interest in us, and shuffle off into the swirling blizzard, leaving us to explore the ruins at will. The explorator confirms the presence of a warp portal, but it's the Shrine of Asyuran that's still in working order, illuminated with silver warpfire. Guildenstern : Ha, Elves. Even their gods suck. Polonius : Yes, quite, Brother. Care to remind me why it will be me conducting negotiations, if they turn up? Indeed they do turn up, very promptly, and Polonius gasps out our reason for intruding on the ruins before they can gun us down - requesting passage to Myen-Fio, in return for intelligence on the Ork Rokk and its preparations for the next stage of the war. Instantly stunned unconscious, we awake bathed and reclothed aboard the craftworld, an almost unheard-of honour. Polonius : Well, at least this will be something to tell our grandchildren, assuming we ever have any. Guildenstern : I'm going to be having puppies soon if they don't let us out of here. Clearly the Eldar are up to something. Although most of the things they're up to are calculated to condescend and belittle and provoke us into behaving like the animals they consider us to be. Guildenstern, of course, behaves as predictably as Pavlov's dog, and even Polonius is finding it difficult to maintain an illusion of good temper. Polonius : I find myself swirling in a vortex of black rage mixed with admiration for the artistry of their every insult. Guildenstern : *checking under the robes we woke up in* They better not have taken my unmentionables. Polonius : *snaps* We're all entirely over familiar with your unmentionables, Brother, and I for one am very glad that our environment suits came with breathing masks. We're met by one of the U Tharan Farseers, although their gender is a little difficult to guess. Polonius OOC : They're a bishie XD Polonius : May I be so bold as to enquire as to your name, honoured host? Torque OOC : Mrs Doubtfire Polonius OOC : Mrs Doubtfire could in no way, shape or form, be remotely described as bishie. We're lead on a tour of the craftworld, and attend a banquet in one of the viewing galleries, even as the Ork fleets are blazing away and crashing into the craftworld ( and each other ) overhead, and bodies splat against the crystal domes, the huge starship we're on starts to list at 15 degrees, and armed Eldar start actually hurrying places. Our hosts pretend that everything is going exactly to plan. Guildenstern : Hey! I remember this game! We used to play it in the Ministronium - you'd each throw a piece of gherkin against the window, and bet on which one would slide to the ground first. Torque : That was a nova cannon blast. You can destroy an entire starship with one shot from that. Polonius : Really? Does that actually work? Torque : Well, nobody's ever come back to complain. Polonius OOC : Our host is beginning to remind me of the Iraqi Information Minister Torque OOC : Or North Korean television. Polonius OOC : Although the U Tharans actually have an economy. Farseer Starshine : The time has come for you to travel the way of the web, and bear from us a message to the the king of the Tau Air Caste. Polonius : *grinning ear-to-ear* Ah. I know what that means - 'Help, oh god help, Oh god we're all going to die, send every ship you can, we're begging here, help help help' With the U Tharan plan to manipulate the humans, Tau and Orks into a war that would allow them to stroll in and reclaim the Tau world for themselves derailed by the Orks attacking the craftworld first, the Eldar are thus forced to send us to beg for assistance on their behalf. The Eldar civilians on Myen-Fio are mightily surprised, but probably not as much as the Tau were when Polonius and company emerged out of thin air, in a imperial flyer carrying a tank, when Polonius is still supposedly in the intensive care war at the local human hospice. The Tau leaders are going to mightily pissed, but Polonius just can't stop smiling... GM : Do you want me to include an Eldar Avatar in the next session? Me : No. no. NO. We already have enough terrifying entities in this campaign, in the form of Brother Guildenstern I'm really beginning to suspect that Brother Guildenstern was actually Marfeldt the Barbarian in a previous life... Major Tom 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucius Posted August 2, 2011 Report Share Posted August 2, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... There's also some evidence that there is intelligent native life, although what form life might take on a frozen, volcanic world, with some mountains poking out of the atmosphere, and saturated with nitrogen, sulphur compounds, and massive amounts of poisonous alcohols, is a mystery. McGinty? Lucius Alexander Not palindromedaries surely Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drhoz Posted August 2, 2011 Report Share Posted August 2, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... McGinty? LOL - I would not be in the least surprised. As some of you probably suspect, McGinty, Guildenstern, and Casu Marzu are all played by the same person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major Tom 2009 Posted August 2, 2011 Report Share Posted August 2, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Lucius, if I'm remembering correctly, the GM in a Morrow Project game is called the Project Director. Major Tom 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drhoz Posted August 2, 2011 Report Share Posted August 2, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... I'm really beginning to suspect that Brother Guildenstern was actually Marfeldt the Barbarian in a previous life... Hmm. There IS an alarming resemblance isn't there? At least there's minimal chance of woman swooning over him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ragitsu Posted August 3, 2011 Report Share Posted August 3, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... "My patience is limited. Fortunately, so is your oxygen" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major Tom 2009 Posted August 3, 2011 Report Share Posted August 3, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Hmm. There IS an alarming resemblance isn't there? At least there's minimal chance of woman swooning over him. I expect that there's a far greater likelihood of said woman shrieking at the top of her lungs whilst running insanely in terror as far away from Guildenstern as humanly possible. Major Tom 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve Posted August 3, 2011 Report Share Posted August 3, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... LOL - I would not be in the least surprised. As some of you probably suspect' date=' McGinty, Guildenstern, and Casu Marzu are all played by the same person.[/quote'] Imagine the three of them together in one adventuring party. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klytus Posted August 4, 2011 Report Share Posted August 4, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Imagine the three of them together in one adventuring party. That would be worse than dividing by zero! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christopher Posted August 4, 2011 Report Share Posted August 4, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Imagine the three of them together in one adventuring party. I think gaming/GM-ming in that would be 1d10 Sanity Points/Corruption Points per Hour (for everybody except the three). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Mackinder Posted August 4, 2011 Report Share Posted August 4, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... I think gaming/GM-ming in that would be 1d10 Sanity Points/Corruption Points per Hour (for everybody except the three). I think the Sanity / Corruption Point effect would be an area effect thing, as the entire universe recoils in horror..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadowsoul Posted August 4, 2011 Report Share Posted August 4, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... I wonder. What would happen if McGinty was called in to investigate Vitus? I'm guessing someone's scrotum would be detonated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drhoz Posted August 5, 2011 Report Share Posted August 5, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... I wonder. What would happen if McGinty was called in to investigate Vitus? I'm guessing someone's scrotum would be detonated. He already has - one of McGinty's first investigations, in fact. And although his lucky charms weren't detonated, they did end up severely contused. Of course, McGinty later retaliatedwith a successful Voodoo attack, Vitus replied with an Inter-continental Ballistic Monster, and the only reason it hasn't escalated to mutual destruction is Vitus' paranoia. He can't understand why somebody would attack him with a voodoo doll, then leave it around for him to find. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narf the Mouse Posted August 5, 2011 Report Share Posted August 5, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... He already has - one of McGinty's first investigations' date=' in fact. And although his lucky charms weren't detonated, they did end up severely contused. Of course, McGinty later retaliatedwith a successful Voodoo attack, Vitus replied with an Inter-continental Ballistic Monster, and the only reason it hasn't escalated to mutual destruction is Vitus' paranoia. He can't understand why somebody would attack him with a voodoo doll, then leave it around for him to find.[/quote'] Probably expects McGinty to act rational. *Snerk* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FrankL Posted August 5, 2011 Report Share Posted August 5, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... I think the Sanity / Corruption Point effect would be an area effect thing' date=' as the entire universe recoils in horror.....[/quote'] Dried Frog Pills will do wonders for that. Just ask the bursar of Unseen University... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narf the Mouse Posted August 5, 2011 Report Share Posted August 5, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Dried Frog Pills will do wonders for that. Just ask the bursar of Unseen University... If you eat a live frog first thing every day, nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Mackinder Posted August 6, 2011 Report Share Posted August 6, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... If you eat a live frog first thing every day' date=' nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.[/quote'] That all depends on how you feel about frogs in the first place. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narf the Mouse Posted August 6, 2011 Report Share Posted August 6, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... That all depends on how you feel about frogs in the first place. ...While literally true, it lacks humour. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ragitsu Posted August 6, 2011 Report Share Posted August 6, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... "... and knowing is half the battle" "What's the other half?" "Napalm" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christopher Posted August 6, 2011 Report Share Posted August 6, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... "... and knowing is half the battle" "What's the other half?" "Napalm" Warning: Napaln can create burning sensations during use. Napalm is not usefull against Fire Dragons, Fire Elementals, Fire Demon and other Fire-based beings. Please consult your arms dealer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enforcer84 Posted August 7, 2011 Report Share Posted August 7, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... Warning: Napaln can create burning sensations during use. Napalm is not usefull against Fire Dragons' date=' Fire Elementals, Fire Demon and other Fire-based beings. Please consult your arms dealer.[/quote'] Famous last words: Dureck: "How was I supposed to know the effreet was immune to fire?" Rest of party: Party Leader (I think he was a paladin, can't remember the name): "Do we need to kill you to make sure the rest of us survive? Cause we will." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow Hawk Posted August 7, 2011 Report Share Posted August 7, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... "... and knowing is half the battle" "What's the other half?" "Napalm" "... and knowing is half the battle" "What's the other half?" "Flashy colored blasters that can destroy a helicopter without injuring the pilot. Go Joe!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ian Mackinder Posted August 7, 2011 Report Share Posted August 7, 2011 Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group... ...While literally true' date=' it lacks humour.[/quote'] Your opinion. In my opinion, brilliantly funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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