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Quote of the Week from my gaming group...


Darren Watts

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Ongoing Tales of the Tyrant Sun and the Vorpal Bunny (Lonewalker's Rogue Trader game)... "If you don't shoot at it, it won't notice you!"

 

After cleaning up and repairing from the last battle where the Vorpal Bunny decimated a Cruiser and Frigate we head to another planet to hopefully secure a home port. Upon entering the system we find the planet under attack by Orks - 1 Cruiser, 2 Attack Ships (frigates) and 3 Brute Force Ram Ships (what it says on the tin).

 

Thankfully they don't notice our approach, but we're two ships (Tyrant Sun Cruiser and Vorpal Bunny Death Machine) plus the Planetary Defense Force transport. We're able to get in a devastating first blow - our Cruiser blinds theirs with a lucky opening shot, the Vorpal Bunny proceeds to cripple (and light on fire) a Ram Ship.

 

Battle fully engaged, mostly it's the two cruisers firing at each other and the Vorpal Bunny against everything else...

 

End Body Count:

The Tyrant Sun has completely destroyed, slagged and decimated the Ork Cruiser, with the Ork Waaaugh Boss mostly yelled "What do you mean "They" shot at us?!", and it crippled a Brute Force Ram Ship

 

The Vorpal Bunny has - Crippled 1 Ram Ship (reduced to 0 Hull), damaged one so badly it can only flight straight and it has gone off into space in a straight line, Crippled and destroyed both Attack Ships, and got in a few hits on the Cruiser for fun.

 

Vorpal Bunny: 4; Orks: 0.

 

The frightening part is that the Vorpal Bunny has no PCs to crew it and give it a boost and only 2 weapons... with a 60% chance to hit it consistently rolled critical hits and doing 30+ Damage. Everything it aims itself at goes away in a fiery, slightly confused, mess. Statistically it's over achieving.

 

PC: We need to give that something to shoot at regularly or it might turn on us.

GM: I might have to take that away from you...

 

It's probably a good thing there are no PCs on it.

CES

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Sounds like the NPCs running that ship have a strong case for a pay raise and major improvement of working conditions.

 

..... AND, very arguably, a big fat slice of the PC group's profits. ;)

 

The Vorpal Bunny does not want profits, it wants something to shoot at. The Machine Spirit is "Wrothful" the crew is quite likely made up of all Vikings, the GM muttered something about writing up the Captain and him coming from the home planet of the Sons Of Fenris. There may also be something in the water-recycler on the ship as the crew has only been on it a month or so (we found it empty and broken)...

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

The Vorpal Bunny does not want profits' date=' it wants something to shoot at. The Machine Spirit is "Wrothful" the crew is quite likely made up of all Vikings, the GM muttered something about writing up the Captain and him coming from the home planet of the Sons Of Fenris. There may also be something in the water-recycler on the ship as the crew has only been on it a month or so (we found it empty and broken)...[/quote']

 

Indeed. But profits can help them find more stuff to shoot at, or get way kewler things with which to shoot at more stuff. Basic dungeoneering mentality, really. ;)

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Indeed. But profits can help them find more stuff to shoot at' date=' or get way kewler things with which to shoot at more stuff. Basic dungeoneering mentality, really. ;)[/quote']

 

Yes, but this is Rogue Trader - not some piddly dungeon crawl. Profit isn't "oh look, a billion Thrones" it's "Ah, another planet to add to my consortium...." - the mere act of going out to just find profit gives the Vorpal Bunny things to shoot at. What happens after that is hardly it's concern - we have People for that kind of thing.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Fantasy Craft Session Two, in which we still don't know anyone's names:

 

The Cast:

 

Rick the GM

Kirpal as the Human Emissary

Matt as the Gorgon Martial Artist (with a whip)

Mike as Khyrshakk the Saurian Scout

Rob as the Human Wizard

 

The Human Emissary isn't the fighter in the group. He then rolls 10-12 nat 20s (for various things) and dispatches more foes then the rest of the party combined. On borrowed dice.

 

GM: "He's going to attack you, unarmed."

Mike (OOC): "I thought [Matt's PC] disarmed them?"

 

OOC comment: "Derpy [Hooves] rolled a 1. Of course!"

 

Matt: "He's losing wind."

Mike: "Great, just what we need, a gassy demon."

 

Marvel Heroic Roleplaying

 

The Cast:

 

Greg the GM

Bob as Daredevil

Mike as Spider-Man

Nestor as Iron Man

Nick as Iron Fist

 

Mike: "Emotional? As in angsty? Is Chris Claremont writing this?"

 

New Band Name: "Dead Robins"

 

Mike: "Do they still have Mandroid armor?"

GM: "Do you have to ruin everything?"

 

Nick: "She's going by Captain Marvel, but actually outranks herself."

 

Nick: "Is that a baton in your spandex or are you just happy to see me?"

 

Spider-Man: "It's like Gabe Newell says, people don't look up." *cue web-slinging attack*

 

Spider-Man (OOC): "Iron Fist practices falling off of Iron Man and landing on his feet?"

 

Spider-Man (opens a damaged prison cell door): "Hi, I'm Spider-Man, I'm here to rescue you."

GM: "Hi, I'm Bruce Banner."

Spider-Man: "Of course you are...."

 

GM: "I've gotta Hulk."

 

New Superhero Team: "Random Collateral Damage

 

GM: "Ya, hah, hah... you fool."

 

Iron Fist (OOC): "I could chi-heal you, but you're Tony Stark and sort of a douche."

 

Spider-Man (OOC): "[The] GM gets to say; 'Hulk shows up, everyone dies."

 

Spider-Man to Whirlwind: "I saw you on the set of Twister, you were awesome."

 

Spider-Man to Iron Man: "Finish changing those D-Cells yet?"

 

Mike: "Are those dice or Skittles?"

Bob: "Taste the rainbow."

 

Iron Fist (OOC): "I'm going to Iron Fist his nads."

 

Nestor on who should play Nick Fury in the game: "So, it's a choice between Samuel L Jackson and David Hasselhoff?"

*pause*

All: "Samuel L Jackson!"

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

After cleaning up and repairing from the last battle where the Vorpal Bunny decimated a Cruiser and Frigate we head to another planet to hopefully secure a home port. Upon entering the system we find the planet under attack by Orks - 1 Cruiser, 2 Attack Ships (frigates) and 3 Brute Force Ram Ships (what it says on the tin).

 

Thankfully they don't notice our approach, but we're two ships (Tyrant Sun Cruiser and Vorpal Bunny Death Machine) plus the Planetary Defense Force transport. We're able to get in a devastating first blow - our Cruiser blinds theirs with a lucky opening shot, the Vorpal Bunny proceeds to cripple (and light on fire) a Ram Ship.

 

The best part of that battle was that we took out the Ork Krooza's sensor array in the first hit, so the entire fight it was effectively blind. The Ork Kaptin kept trying to perform "extended actions" (like helping put out fires and other damage control), but kept failing his rolls.

 

So we were joking that the Kaptin didn't actually believe that his ship was under attack.

 

Crew-ork: Kaptin, they just shot us and now the entire port-side weapons system is on fire! :angst:

Kaptin: "They"? Who's "They"? There ain't no "they" out there, you lazy gits! One of you bums just ignored the "No smoking" signs we put up around here, didn't you??? We put those signs up for a reason you know! :mad:

Crew-ork: Kaptin, they hit us again! We're venting atmosphere into space! :fear:

Kaptin: I ain't seen no "they" since this whole thing began! Quit messing around and get back to your stations!!! How many times do I have to say it, THERE AIN'T NO THEY!!! :mad:

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

The best part of that battle was that we took out the Ork Krooza's sensor array in the first hit, so the entire fight it was effectively blind. The Ork Kaptin kept trying to perform "extended actions" (like helping put out fires and other damage control), but kept failing his rolls.

 

So we were joking that the Kaptin didn't actually believe that his ship was under attack.

 

Crew-ork: Kaptin, they just shot us and now the entire port-side weapons system is on fire! :angst:

Kaptin: "They"? Who's "They"? There ain't no "they" out there, you lazy gits! One of you bums just ignored the "No smoking" signs we put up around here, didn't you??? We put those signs up for a reason you know! :mad:

Crew-ork: Kaptin, they hit us again! We're venting atmosphere into space! :fear:

Kaptin: I ain't seen no "they" since this whole thing began! Quit messing around and get back to your stations!!! How many times do I have to say it, THERE AIN'T NO THEY!!! :mad:

 

And my favorite "Whaddya mean "They" set fire to the bridge?!" After our own Captain went over there to blow things up in person.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

The best part of that battle was that we took out the Ork Krooza's sensor array in the first hit, so the entire fight it was effectively blind. The Ork Kaptin kept trying to perform "extended actions" (like helping put out fires and other damage control), but kept failing his rolls.

 

So we were joking that the Kaptin didn't actually believe that his ship was under attack.

 

Crew-ork: Kaptin, they just shot us and now the entire port-side weapons system is on fire! :angst:

Kaptin: "They"? Who's "They"? There ain't no "they" out there, you lazy gits! One of you bums just ignored the "No smoking" signs we put up around here, didn't you??? We put those signs up for a reason you know! :mad:

Crew-ork: Kaptin, they hit us again! We're venting atmosphere into space! :fear:

Kaptin: I ain't seen no "they" since this whole thing began! Quit messing around and get back to your stations!!! How many times do I have to say it, THERE AIN'T NO THEY!!! :mad:

 

 

Yeah, Orks in 40K are always good for a laugh or two. Just ask anyone who's ever read a Deff Sqkuadron story in

Inferno! Magazine ("Da Sekret Weapon" is especially funny).

 

 

 

Major Tom 2009 :lol:

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

On Temis Minora, where the Deathwatch Marines have just driven off an ambush by Ork Commandos

 

Hippocrates
: Here's a bolter round to bite on while I staple that head wound shut

 

Gilroy MacIan
: Can you fix the paint job too? It got a bit scorched after SOMEBODY SET ME ON FIRE

Nakhiel
: Why are you looking at me?

Gilroy MacIan
: Oh right, it was Gunhildr *
picks him up and throws him at the truck*
Consider yourself chastised.

Tawhaki
: Does this mean you count as a Baked Bad now?

 

Conversation turns to certain legendary if highly-strung pony-form creatures.

 

Tawhaki
: Enough of the mentally unstable colourful equines, and back to the mentally unstable colourful super-humans.

Regulus
: Thanks for that mental image; it's going to haunt me every time I think about space marines now.

 

All
: The wheels on the truck go round and round, round and round; round and round

Gilroy MacIan
: This Deathwatch campaign is turning into
40K: The Musical

 

The team discovers suspiciously neat Ork Glyphs.

 

Tawhaki
: It can't have been sprayed by Gretchin, they can't reach up that high.

Regulus
: Unless they stood on each other's shoulders

 

Regulus
: This is the Ork glyph for 'muffin'

 

GM
: Does anyone have Polyglot?

Gilroy MacIan
: I do have the universal language...

Nakhiel
: I don’t think BLAMBLAMBLAM stop BLAM will help here.

Gilroy MacIan
: I meant punching them in the face

 

Gilroy MacIan
: I did learn multiple languages, but that was mostly so I could say 'I don't like your face any more' ... I'm here for your face

Our guide, Martine, is urged to stay behind while the marines investigate this curious clue.

 

Tawhaki
: Do you want us to leave Brother Gunhildr and Hippocrates with you?

Gilroy MacIan
: For god’s sake, no-one deserves that.

 

Gilroy MacIan
:If there's any trouble hide under the truck and they'll slap-fight each until other until one falls asleep

 

Tawhaki
: Don’t worry Martine, we'll look after you
*pats shoulder*

Martine
: ArrghOW

Tawhaki
: I didn't use the servo-arm

Gilroy MacIan
: Just a gentle Space Marine pat.

Tawhaki
: So only one broken collarbone

 

Gilroy MacIan
: If I paint myself green and yell a lot I could do a pretty good impression of an Ork

 

The signs lead us to a clearly defensible water-purification plant, and a Gretchin that’s standing out in the open waiting to meet us.

 

Gilroy MacIan
: Hail, Xeno!

Tawhaki
: I need to attach an augmentic eyebrow to the outside of my helmet, just so I can raise it.

 

Gilroy MacIan
: Mah brothers and I are investigating an incursion of Orks.

Nakhiel
: Seen any?

 

Rather than just blowing the Grot away and burning everything that’s green and ugly, MacIan decides to actually inquire what’s going on. According to this Grot, and his Ork Master, there’s something in the water of Temis Minora that makes Orks smart, and activates ALL of their racial memory of the War in Heaven. They don’t like this much, and the Master wants the Ork Mekboss Hedburna killed before this condition can spread. He even gives us directions and tactical information. This is all extremely perturbing, and since we lack the facilities to take these Orkoids alive for later vivisection, we agree on this truce whilst the other Orks are dealt with.

 

 

 

Tawhaki
: I think we should take everything he’s said with a grain of salt. I believe there's a moon in the northeast Calixis sector that's one giant crystal. About that big a grain.

 

The directions given do indeed lead to where Hedburna and his crew of cybernetically enhanced Boyz are fighting an entrenched battle with, as it turns out, Logician Hereteks. The subsequent battle with the Orks is short, despite them proving to be much smarter and intelligent fighters than expected.

 

 

GM
: A space marine coming up your rear can do some serious damage

Gilroy MacIan
: I was waiting for that

 

The Logicians fall back in a hurry when the marines follow up with a cull of their numbers as well. Unfortunately they’ve had time to call in some reinforcements, in the form of a Talos Heavy Walker – essentially a poor man’s Dreadnaught. This is going to be quite difficult to deal with, given none of us brought long-range anti-armour weapons. Perhaps we should attach the teleport homer to it and let the ship deal with it?

 

 

Tawhaki
: I suspect having teleportarium subsequently wrecked by the heavy walker would look bad on our records.

 

Gunhildr
: We’re going to charge? Are you crazy?

Gilroy MacIan
: Yes.

Gunhildr
: It was a rhetorical question.

Tawhaki
: The Iron Hands remember what happened the last time they changed an enemy - they lost their Primarch and their entire First Company.

Gunhildr
: Thank you for NOT saying that
*sticks fingers in ears*
I can't hear you, LALALALA

 

The battle is interrupted by curious music over the vox systems – something in Old Anglic, about the bright side to life, by some kind of extinct serpent.

 

Nakhiel
: We apologise for this intermission

Tawhaki
: This isn't the right intermission music!

Gilroy MacIan
: We now return you your regularly scheduled grimdark.

Gunhildr
: There's a bright side to life?

 

Gilroy MacIan
: I’m moving around to its flank

Tawhaki
: Does it have a cutie mark?

 

Gunhildr considers turning his heavy flamer on the group again.

 

GM
: You do have two friends in there... Ok, co-belligerents

 

The marines are attacked from behind, while still trying to take down the Walker – by Eldar Warp Spiders with webspinner weaponry.

 

Gilroy MacIan
: So we have Orks, Logicians AND Eldar? Jesus this is a clusterfuck.

Regulus
: Somebody in this squad has to be Alpha Legion and led them all in.

 

GM
: It’s like monofilament silly string

Tawhaki
: Now I’m picturing Pinkie Pie with a web-spinner

 

Tawhaki
: But it’s ruined the cupcake iconography on your shield

Gilroy MacIan
: And for that they die

 

Tawhaki
: You know, you shouldn’t be so upset that Gunhildr set you on fire earlier. You should be used to being half-baked

 

Happily, despite the surprise attack, only Tawhaki is wounded – thank goodness nobody was silly enough to be going around without their helmet on this time. The Eldar teleport out again, and the Walker survives only a few more seconds as Tawhaki seizes it by the neck-joint with one servo claw and drives the other into the pilot’s kidneys. The subsequent detonation will make later forensics slightly difficult, alas.

 

 

Tawhaki
: The explosion was from Gunhildr hearing someone complain Iron Hands coffee was a bit weak.

 

The success on that front at least gives the marines a chance to regroup and prepare for the return of the Eldar, who are extremely if briefly surprised when MacIan decapitates the lot of them before they can even finish materialising.

Picking over the remains for evidence is complicated by the bloodlust of certain marine chapters, the fact that they’re from the notoriously manipulative Ulthwe Craftworld, and an understandable desire for revenge by certain killteam members.

 

Regulus
: Rumours of vampirism among the Blood Angels are just exaggeration.

Tawhaki
: I’m picturing you holding the heart over your mouth, squeezing out a few more drops, and every time we turn around, you hide it behind your back and look innocent.

 

Tawhaki
: I don't believe there’s any point attempting to elicit further information front these xenos, Brothers - if they are from Ulthwe Craftworld then anything we can learn from them is something they wish us to know.

Nakhiel
: Therefore let’s not do anything and screw with their plans.

 

Gilroy MacIan
: Get their stones

Gunhildr
: What if they don't have any?
*munch munch munch*

Nakhiel
: You ate them?!

Tawhaki
: I know you don't have to eat the brains of an enemy to get their skills, but what skill would you get from eating the cojones of an Eldar?

Gilroy MacIan
: Seduction

 

Tawhaki
: That’s interesting, Brother MacIan, this one is a eunuch. And quite recently, by the looks of things.

 

Tawhaki
: I love the smell of burning Eldar in the morning

Gilroy MacIan
: It smells like failure. For them.

 

After collecting their soulstones and torching the remains we continue in pursuit of the fleeing Logician survivors – hacking into their comms network proves unhelpful.

 

Logician vox-network
:
*Heavy breathing, gurgling noise*

Gunhildr
: ah, one of the sex channels

 

The killteam stumbles across the bisected remains of an escapee.

 

Tawhaki
: Let me check to see if the top of his head is still on. If it isn’t, we’ve got Lictors, as well as Orks, hereteks, and Eldar.

 

MacIan rips an ear off and eats it, to determine the dead heretek’s last memory. Which confirms our suspicion that there are more Eldar about – a Warlock, in fact. Our specialists prove completely incapable on suggesting a course of action based on this development.

 

Tawhaki
: Well, now we know what happened to your copies of the Book of Assault Combat Doctrine. Every page scribbled out and CHARGE written over it in crayon.

Gilroy MacIan
: It’s worked for us so far.

 

But we do discover what the Logicians were after, and presumably what the Eldar were here to ensure never fell into human or Ork hands – the back-up archives for the colony-ship that formed the core of the arcology.

 

Tawhaki
: Squee!

Gilroy MacIan
: Need some oil there, brother?

 

Gilroy MacIan
: Could somebody explain to us bone-headed assault combat marines what an archive is?

Tawhaki
: I’m not sure I should, brother, I've seen what happened to your copy of Astartes Combat Doctrine.

Gilroy MacIan
: I lost my copy a long time ago. I needed a weapon.

Tawhaki
: Not a shortage of soft paper then?

 

Heading back out, to pass on these archives to the Adeptus Mechanicus, report out success, and try and track down this Eldar Warlock. And of course, find some way to stop Orks becoming smart. Poisoning the moon’s hydrosphere seems simplest.

 

Tawhaki
: Where can I get a billion tonnes of plutonium?

 

Martine has been hiding under the truck again – after all, the underhive is dangerous.

 

Gilroy MacIan
: For god’s sake kid, you nearly gave us a heart attack. In both hearts!

Martine
: ... Both hearts, Lord?

Tawhaki
: ...Secrets of the geneteks, brother...

Gilroy MacIan
: Oh right. We've actually got seventeen hearts!

Tawhaki
: One for each lung.

 

Speculations on other applications for Eldar monofilament are many.

 

Tawhaki
: Monofilament macramé

 

GM
: Why do we protect the weak? Because it is our duty.

Tawhaki
: Duty!

Regulus
: Duty!

Gilroy MacIan
: Duty!

GM
: We sublimate our sexual desires into duty!

 

With Martine along to open the sealed sections of the underhive – he is maintenance crew after all - we narrow our search for the Eldar warlock. Unfortunately, both techmarines prove completely incompetent at scanning for entities on the far side of walls, and the luckless Martine opens a hatch and promptly goes away, dragged screaming into the Warp by foul xenos weaponry.

 

Naturally, we are extremely annoyed about this, and storm the room to find the warlock about to enter into a portable Webway portal, his escape covered by the psionic construct known as a Wraithguard. This will not stand, but it’s MacIan who prevents the Eldar witch’s escape, by holding up the bagful of soulstones we collected from the Warp Spiders earlier.

 

 

Gilroy MacIan
: Ya forgot yer stones!

 

The Eldar attempts to recover the souls of its kinsmen by teleporting into close-combat with the marine, but its vile xenos witchery avails it naught, and it soon cleaved in half from shoulder to hip by the triumphant Storm Warden.

 

The death of Martine is regrettable, especially since there’s no body to recover and honour, but every other aspect of the mission has been accomplished. Thus team Psi Tau Digamma returns to the Watchtower in triumph, confident that the Adeptus Biologis will soon be descending on Temis Minora to investigate, dissect, and eliminate these aberrant Orkoids

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

February 14th
– Things might well be looking up, but not for Dr Winterton, lately of Harrogate, and now the Late Dr Winterton. Despite the constable on duty at the house, the retired Doctor has fallen victim to Brigg’s revenge. The constable is no help either; since he was apparently so traumatised by the attack he’s incapable of giving a believable description of the assailant. But another one of those papyri turns up in the wreckage.

 

Naturally, the Inspectors are taking the investigators even more seriously now, and consider arming the constables on duty. Shotguns should work against whatever trained baboon Briggs is using to commit the murders, shouldn’t they? They even give the party permission to meet the rest of the people on the death list, to help persuade them to move to a place of safety until Briggs can be caught.

 

There’s also a package for them from New York. Agent Rondale has finally finished shouting at his superiors in Washington, gotten permission to re-enter to damaged and concrete-choked Ju-Ju house, and unearthed a variety of cult artifacts from the basement and the sewer below.

 

This include the book
Africa’s Dark Sects
, stolen from the Widener Library; a mysterious bowl apparently made of unearthly metal; a metal headband inscribed with similar runes to the bowl; and a wooden devil mask carved from no Earthly wood.

GM
: You’re confident the design comes from some part of Africa north of Antarctica.

 

Rondale has also recalled a run-in he had in New York with a human aspect of Nyarlathotep posing as the musician Charles Tow Aching, and the odd way he introduced one of his songs as about a local boy and vain man now deceased. This makes much more sense now, when Rondale notices Carlyle’s full name is Roger
Vane
Worthington Carlyle. It also implies Nyarlathotep knew they were going to be investigating the Carlyle Expedition months before any of the investigators did.

Rondale
: That was probably just the guy being a dick.

GM
: Yes, Nyarlathotep does score quite highly in dickishness

 

Fakebottom bemoans the fact that Aching had an ‘electrified guitar’ and he doesn’t.

Fakebottom
: There, I've invented a guitar that shoots electricity. That's right, isn't it? If it's wrong, I don't want it to be right....

 

Rondale has forwarded all these discoveries to the London team, in the hope they’ll find them useful. Of course, they’re all too paranoid to actually use any of them, and ordering random employees like Timmons to try them on seems slightly unethical.

Fakebottom
: ‘Here, try this mask on. Oh look, his head’s turned inside-out...’

 

Spoilers ahead for
Masks
and
Death in the Post

 

 

 

 

Some of the entries in the book are more than slightly alarming, particularly the successful ritual by teenaged cult priestess M’Weru, in 1916.

 

“As the priestess whirled around the fire-lit circle, chanting dim words from an ancient spell, the cult executioners busied themselves with their screaming sacrifices. As the blood flowed, a chill wind sprang up, and I felt a flash of fear: the wind had become visible, a black vapour against the gibbous, leering Moon, and slowly my terror grew as I comprehended the monstrous thing taking form. The corrosive stench of it hinted at vileness beyond evil. When I saw the great red appendage which alone constituted the face of the thing, my courage died, and I fled unseeing into the night.”

Johnson
: My god, they summoned Einstein.

 

Aldous reminisces about his days in Sing-Sing Prison.

Quinn
: I learned Tuvan throat-singing from a Mongolian cell-mate.

Johnson
: Why was there a Mongolian in Cuba?

Quinn
: TUVAN throat-singing.

Johnson
: Oh, I thought you said Cuban throat singing.

Quinn
: No, Tuvan.

GM
: Cuban Pete was in the next cell. You shared a cell with the Mongolian Mangler.

Quinn
: Yeah. And in the next over was Susan. We don't talk about him. But that little black backless number? He really filled it out.

 

Storing their dubious prizes in the Ritz safe, they head to Chelsea with reporter Richardson of the Clarion in tow, in order to convince Hermione Railton, Bright Young Thing, that she is in terrible danger. Considering that she and her departing guests are ripped to the teats on fine cocaine, it’s debatable that she even cares.

Hermione Railton
: Oh how wonderful! It will make a simply marvellous party game. We can spend the night passing the papyrus around and whoever has it when the monster arrives looses.

 

Fakebottom
: Johnson, stop trying to explain horrible things to somebody with fewer I.Q. points than teeth.

 

Fakebottom and Johnson speculate that simply letting the monster have her will be a net positive for humanity.

Quinn
: Are we going to turn around and be the bad guys, or are we going to be the heroes only because we're marginally less abominable than the people we face?

 

They eventually persuade her to go to the police station, and Aldous volunteers to try and get her off the Stuff. Cocaine and opium might not be strictly illegal in the 1920s, but they can’t be doing her any good. This also suits Aldous, since despite his carefully practised policy of selective ignorance, he fears the Mythos will consume him, just as it threatened to consume his former employer McGinty prior to that worthy’s successful escape into politics.

 

 

February 15th
- The others head to the country estate of Lord Elwood, owner of the Clarion, where his Lordship is hosting a dinner party. Unlike Miss Railton however, they are not stoned on opium and cocaine.

Johnson
: Only the best marijuana for aristocrats.

 

He is happy to talk to the investigators, and his employee and friend Richardson. He takes their claims seriously, especially after another papyrus gets delivered with the late mail. But rather than move to another location, Lord Elwood and his fellow aristos – among them big game hunter Sir Wellington Christopher Waterloo V (W.C. to his friends) - insist on defending the property themselves. After all, it’s a change from fox-hunting, and an Englishman’s home is his castle.

Fakebottom
: Sir Waterloo? I'm Damien Johns, I used to butler for Lord Frontbottom.

W.C.
: Didn't you go mad?

Fakebottom
: ಠ_ಠ ... I switched careers.

GM
: From butler to lunatic

 

It’s probably unfortunate, therefore, that the Hunting Horror that shows up apparently mistakes Agent Johnson for Elwood, and spends the next few minutes pursuing that unfortunate up and down the driveway.

W.C.
: That's going on my wall!

 

Johnson is very fortunate that his experience in getting the hell out of the way of charging monsters doesn’t fail him, at least not before the large quantity of dynamite that they throw at the thing goes off, neatly destroying the frontage of the manor with a spray of gravel, monster organs, and large fragments of skin. A number of the guest’s Rolls-Royces are crushed under chunks of monster that rain from the sky over the next few minutes.

 

Covered in ichor and somewhat shocked, the investigators don’t object too much when the aristocrats take turns posing for photographs next to the remains of the beast. Sir Wellington claims its head for his wall, and the investigators search for large enough fragments of skin to have made into bullet-proof trench coats.

 

 

February 16th
– Sir Wellington is happy to tag along, on the off chance there’s more unspeakable wildlife to bag. He speculates that the papyrus is infused with some scent the creature can track, but is baffled as to how Briggs could possibly be moving the giant beast around, let alone where he could have found an animal like it in the first place. The other investigators decide not to enlighten him. For one thing, they still have to protect Hermione, Dr Lund, and Dr Colnbury, Member of Parliament.

Johnson
: The only clothing of mine that they could have got was a vest, and that went up with twelve sticks of dynamite

W.C.
: Why on earth did you have twelve sticks of dynamite?

Johnson
: It was Tuesday.

Fakebottom
: This sort of thing happens to us once a month.

W.C.
: What? Half your luck.

 

W.C.
: I know a good taxidermist. He’ll stuff and mount anything.

GM
: Well, you did. But he got locked up for it.

 

Checking the envelopes the papyrus came is reveals that Briggs has been moving all over the country – a wise precaution, since postmark evidence leads the police to a hotel he has since left. Only the other hand, the hoteliers confirm he was furiously angry that Richardson isn’t dead yet, and that they had to ask him to keep the ranting down because it was disturbing the other guests.

 

 

February 17th - 21st
- If Briggs was planning to culminate his revenge by the New Moon on the 23rd, then he’s going to have to make another attempt on Richardson’s life, and on that of Lord Elwood. At least they can make a false announcement of Elwood’s death, to ensure that Briggs doesn’t just try again. Also, if the papyri are what the creatures home in on, then in theory destroying the next papyrus – sent to Miss Railton - should prevent the next death. Theory is wrong, as the constable detailed to burn the next papyrus learns to his cost when he and his entire family are obliterated in the next attack.

 

That at least suggests that merely touching the papyrus is enough. Thus the surviving targets are finally persuaded to take shelter at an army training camp outside London, and Dr Lund’s death notice is left unopened and whisked off to be attached to a convenient cow. The investigators speculate how the farmer will react.

W.C. OoC
: Where's my cow? Is that my cow? It goes 'Johnson'. That is a Hunting Horror. That is not my cow.

Fakebottom OoC
: Where’s my cow? Is that my cow? It goes ‘What are you looking at?’ That is Professor Einstein. So you can see why I thought it was a cow.

 

But the cow remains unmolested, at least by Hunting Horrors. They speculate that Briggs is probably furious by now, if he’s aware that his attacks aren’t working. And in that case... three phone calls are indeed made, to the homes of Hermione Railton, Dr Lund, and the Clarion, by someone attempting to ascertain their current whereabouts. Backtracking these calls narrows the search to Brighton, and the police and the investigators converge to search every hotel and boarding house for the villainous doctor and his manservant.

 

The Inspectors and the investigators are still at the Brighton train station, co-ordinating the search, when Abbagale spots a suspiciously angry-looking figure stomping towards the platform. She gestures to her compatriots, goes to ask for directions and confirm her suspicions, and tackles the Doctor to the ground when she does so.

Fakebottom
: You really are an action reporter, aren’t you.

GM
: She might behave like Tintin, but she's built like Madam Castafiore

 

His manservant Phelps attempts to flee, but Sir Wellington’s experience at outrunning enraged natives and Cape Buffalo stands him in good stead, and the two suspects are soon subdued and cuffed, Briggs raving and ranting the entire time.

Stants
: And you were saying the reporter was useless.

Fakebottom
: No, we were saying Einstein was useless.

GM
: She's not even decorative.

 

Inspectors Carlton and Barrington are justly delighted, since they’ve apprehended two Nyarlathotep cultists. The UK government will be quite pleased with the investigators too, as they’ve saved the life of a member of Parliament, and a Lord.

 

With any luck the raid on the Brotherhood of the Black Pharaoh will go equally well the next day...

 

 

 

 

 

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Session Five of our Saturday IronClaw game.

 

Due to prior commitments, two of the PCs are absent this session. The other three cover a lot of ground before events force us to stop for the evening and wait until we can have all five players together again.

 

The Cast:

Captain Fancy, Horse Paladin

Trake, Tiger Mercenary

Zepherine LeFleur, Red Fox Ranger

 

Trake: "We're not sure if the prince is even in his castle."

Zepherine: "So, you're saying our prince might be in a another castle?"

 

Trake: "You... shut your horse mouth!"

 

The party tends rooms in a brothel. Jokes are made about mirrors on the ceiling. Resulting in:

 

Zepherine: "Captain Fancy woke up and panicked 'cause she thought a naked skydiver was going to fall on her."

 

Play stopped as Fancy's player tried not to choke on his Sprite.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

I went to U-Con this weekend, had a great time in some fun games. Started out in mudpyr8's d20 Hero Novapunk game, where we started out midway through a "routine" break-in and data-theft. Of course, as soon as we download the data, the alarms go off and the guards show up in an elevator. We quickly dispatch them.

 

Edge (our Ronin): (OOC) I pick one of the guards, and use my katana to chop off one of his hands and his head.

GM: All of the security is dealt with by psi-jacks. With him dead, his psi-jack is useless.

Edge: (just looks at the GM, his entire expression saying, "So?")

 

Edge doesn't want one of his hands busy carrying the head, so he gives it to Tangent. We go upstairs, where we are met with a dozen guards (6 to either side) and a businessman in a white suit.

 

Man in White: You have something that doesn't belong to you.

Tangent: I throw the head at him.

 

Tangent uses his Code Jacker ability to temporarily stun the Man in White, and Killswitch rushes forward to stick his gun barrel under the MiW's chin.

 

Killswitch: We're leaving, Colonel Sanders, and you're coming with us.

 

With this Mexican standoff, our negotiator (.Sig) starts to talk our way out of things.

 

.Sig: (to the Man in White) Let's go somewhere more comfortable that we can talk. If you're feeling threatened, you can bring some of your guards.

Edge: (mimicing Killswitch holding his gun barrel to the MiW's chin) Y'know, if you're feeling threatened.

 

Impressed, the Man in White offers us a job to investigate a South Pacific island that only shows up for a fraction of a second on satellite video, and isn't in any database. We fly a VTOL, overcome an attempt to re-direct us away, and land on the water to see if we can build a better firewall on the VTOL's autopilot. As we're floating there, a pteradactyl flies up. A fight ensues, and the pteradactyl is dispatched. As it is in a death-dive into the ocean...

 

.Sig (to Edge): I'd get as far away as possible if I were you, before that thing hits and explodes.

Edge: Explodes?!

.Sig: I know that I'd load my pteradactyl with explosives.

 

We reach the island to learn that we are completely cut off from The Machine (the world-wide networks, internet, etc.). So, no GPS available.

 

Edge: I take out my knife and start marking trees as we're walking along.

.Sig: My dog marks trees.

Edge: It doesn't have a GPS either.

 

Unfortunately, I was having too much fun to write down more quotes, except for the following:

 

Killswitch: I wish you guys would stop telling fate how to kill us.

 

- - - - - -

 

My next game, Saturday morning, was a Car Wars game. I'm apparently the only player to sign up, and am talking to the GM while we wait for anybody else to show up. He's got it set up pretty neat, with modified scale-model cars with turrets, guns, and missile launchers glued on, and burned out building models scattered over the table. If you're not familiar with the game, it's set in the near future, where gasoline is rare and nearly all vehicles are plastic-armored and run on batteries, so they're somewhat slower than we're used to. Oh, and as the name implies, frequently travel is punctuated by battles between cars. There's even car battles for sport.

 

I'm talking to the GM about the last time I played a Car Wars game at a convention -- over 20 years ago.

 

Me: It was an arena-type race, and one of the players was a complete newbie, so my friend and I were explaining the rules and helping him figure out what to do. Everything was going great and everyone was having a fun time.. at least, until the GM pulled out this gasoline-powered, nitrous-enhanced vehicle with a steel ram plate. It was a complete Mary Sue thing, he just started smashing through everybody. Took out three cars himself, and was heading for the newbie. After the GM rammed and took out the newbie, my friend, who had been keeping track of the damage the ram-vehicle had done each time, asked, "How much front armor does that thing have?" When the GM told him, my friend said, "So that last ramming breached your front armor. And since it's a gasoline engine, you have to roll for fire, right?" The ram vehicle not only ended up on fire, it exploded, and all of us players posthumously awarded the kill to the newbie.

 

(The GM smiles politely but doesn't say a thing. Shortly after, he quietly removes a pickup truck from the table... and I notice it has a ram plate glued to the front. I mean, what are the freakin' chances?)

 

- - - - - -

 

Next was Avengers vs. Mayan Gods. I played Thor, working alongside Black Widow and Iron Man. Two other players played Mayan gods Kukulkán (the serpent god) and Wayep (god of darkness, cold, and mischief). Iron Man's player did a good job of not only playing Tony Stark's snarkiness; he also did a fair job of imitating his voice from the movies.

 

When we arrive, all power (including cars, radios, etc.) is not working. Not thinking of this, Thor is looking for a taxi.

 

GM: You'd think the storm god could "hail" someone...

 

After we meet up with the Mayan gods, Kukulkán is talking to Thor when Iron Man interjects something.

 

Kukulkán: Be silent, mortal! Your betters are speaking! (smashes Iron Man aside with his tail, sending him flying)

Thor: How dare thee harm my companion! (smashes Kukulkán with his hammer, sending him flying)

Kukulkán: (gets up, brushes himself off) I did warn him to be silent. And can you honestly say you have not been tempted to do likewise yourself?

Thor: (long pause) True...

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

So, we start a new 4th ed DnD campaign in Lankhmar. Our party of misfits...

Thia, Half Elf Paladin of Kord

Reed, Halfling Rogue of Theft

Krusk, Half Orc Monk of Punching

Akiane, Human Evoker of Fire

Quinn, Half Elf Druid of Bears

Kildrek, Dwarf Fighter/Runepriest of Hammering

 

Akiane complains about Quinn's two bears...

Akiane: I can't bear this in my house!

Quinn: You'll have to grin and bear and bear it.

 

Kildrek is angry at the hostile Orcs...

Kildrek: I'm a short tempered dwarf.

Reed: Size-ist.

 

Hostile Orcs stand no chance

Akiane: Orcs explode, everybody dies.

 

Trying to find out why there's a price on our head.

Thia: A Paladin, a Druid, a Bear, and another Bear walk into a bar...

Bartender: We don't serve that kind in here!

Quinn: Bears?

Bartender: No, Half-Elves. Out!

 

Trying to convince the bartender to give us information leads to a bar brawl...

Quinn: I guess we weren't very convincing.

Thia (draws sword): We're about to be very convincing.

Reed: Or very violent.

Krusk: Convincing, violent, patatoe, patoto...

Quinn: Ba'ar fight.

Waitress: Don't eat me, I bear beer, Bear!

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

Okay not directly a gamign session quote but thigns that went through my mind while playing different MMORPG's.

 

While fighting wolfes (several levels below my character) on a Chicken farm in Lord of the Rings:

"Hmm, Free Range Loot...."

 

One of the quest on the imperial side in "Star Wars: The Old Republic" is that an bountyhunter is accused of being involved in several murders. When asking him it turns out that he only placed a tag on people and that a group of Sith then hunts those people (he did not knew at first and could not really say no later on). As I was making a Darkside Character I choose the Darkside option - place one of these "hunter tags" on the original questgiver so they would hunt him next. Then it hit me that these Sith were practically playing a childrens game. It goes:

"Tag. Your it!"

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

The situation: the PCs are crewing a refugee ship bound for Marathon Free Station. They've got 2000 refugees in four separate habitation sections, (with another 2000 in hibernation) and a different NPC in charge of each area. Upon learning that Talitha Borealis, the "Jovian Ambassador" is in charge of Hab #1, alarm bells start going off in their heads.

 

They inspect the Hab, and it's pretty much "party central" with Talitha acting as ringmaster of the circus. The PCs demand an explanation.

 

Talitha: "Happy passengers don't make trouble."

 

PCs: "What if they get drunk?"

 

Tal: "I know how to handle drunks." (She does.)

 

PCs: "Have you conducted a single emergency drill?"

 

Tal: "It's all in the ship's manuals. If there's a problem, I'll get on the PA and tell everyone what they should do."

 

PCs: "Talitha, haven't you EVER been in a mob?"

 

Tal: "Yes, of course. I was in a mob just last night...."

 

PCs:

 

 

Edited to add: Do not put this woman in charge of anything: [ATTACH=CONFIG]45074[/ATTACH]

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

well, I fear I may have killed off my Masks of Nyarlathotep. *sigh*

 

Two of my best roleplayers have quit after the events of last night's session. I hope Sam and Ben (Abbagale and Johnson) stick with it, but I hope I can find a third regular.... as it is, Abbagale and Johnson are probably going to be in the hospital for a while - they only got away because Johnson managed to summon up a star vampire while they were still a few minutes ahead of the mob.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

well' date=' I fear I may have killed off my [i']Masks of Nyarlathotep[/i]. *sigh*

 

Two of my best roleplayers have quit after the events of last night's session. I hope Sam and Ben (Abbagale and Johnson) stick with it, but I hope I can find a third regular.... as it is, Abbagale and Johnson are probably going to be in the hospital for a while - they only got away because Johnson managed to summon up a star vampire while they were still a few minutes ahead of the mob.

 

That's too bad. Sounds like things went wrong in an especially bad way. Here's hoping you can pick up the pieces.

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

well' date=' I fear I may have killed off my [i']Masks of Nyarlathotep[/i]. *sigh*

 

Two of my best roleplayers have quit after the events of last night's session. I hope Sam and Ben (Abbagale and Johnson) stick with it, but I hope I can find a third regular.... as it is, Abbagale and Johnson are probably going to be in the hospital for a while - they only got away because Johnson managed to summon up a star vampire while they were still a few minutes ahead of the mob.

 

Err... what went wrong?

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Re: Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

 

well' date=' I fear I may have killed off my [i']Masks of Nyarlathotep[/i]. *sigh*

 

Two of my best roleplayers have quit after the events of last night's session. I hope Sam and Ben (Abbagale and Johnson) stick with it, but I hope I can find a third regular.... as it is, Abbagale and Johnson are probably going to be in the hospital for a while - they only got away because Johnson managed to summon up a star vampire while they were still a few minutes ahead of the mob.

 

Is your brother one of those who left? Last I recall he was playing the perpetual student, but I lost track of the name long ago. Sorry, I missed a few posting and lost track of who was there and who wasn't. Quinn, Einstein, Frontbottom, Rondale (though in the USA and sending messages over the Atlantic), and the student were the last ones I knew of. Though I kept reading and wondering which one the student was and thinking he may be gone.

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