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Quote of the Week from my gaming group...


Darren Watts
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This quote comes from a rifts game. A steamy scene involving a player character and some interesting toys and rope is about to occur, when suddenly, the dominant character's jaw flies open.

 

"Is that a fireball tattoo on your a**?"

 

Some people just go to all the wrong clubs.

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This AD&D campaign was set in an area where Greek and Egyptian cultures overlapped.

 

Usekhtep: paladin of Horus, the Egyptian god of righteous retribution; rode a giant hawk into battle

Hesykhia: priestess of Harpocrates, the Greek god of silence

Thestia: a rogue and a member of a Greek criminal organization; the team "scout"

The Toymaker: a wild mage; played by the team munchkin


Father Azerun: priest of Thoth, the Egyptian god of knowledge (the GM's NPC)

 

While Usekhtep and Thestia were scouting, Hesykhia, Father Azerun and The Toymaker came face-to-face with a group of 30 Settite priests ... who were individually slightly weaker than the PCs, and collectively far stronger. Usekhtep flew back to the group to discover them confronting each other.

Hesykhia and The Toymaker (ooc, to each other): "We are sooo going to die."

Usekhtep: (landing his giant hawk on a low cliff overlooking the Settites) "Is there a problem?"


Settite Priest: "You killed four members of our group. Surrender or we will kill you."

Usekhtep: (leveling his lance at the leader) "We haven't killed any members of your group. But if the rest of you want to die, you're welcome to attack."

Settite Priest: "You're bluffing."

Hesykhia: "He doesn't bluff."

Settite Priest: "But ... There are thirty of us against four of you. You don't stand a chance."

Usekhtep: (patting his hawk's head) "There are five of us, and I'm certainly willing to test your theory."

Settite Priest: (noticing that Thestia isn't present) "One of you isn't here. How do you know that she didn't kill our brethren?"

Usekhtep: "If she was hunting you, more than four of you would be dead."

 

The group went to consult with a young woman who had been cursed with super senses.

Super-sensitive woman: "My ability is a burden, not a gift. I can see everyone around me dying. I can can see you growing older. I can see your cells dying, one by one. If you want, I can tell you the year, the month, the day, the hour, the minute and even the second when you will finally die of natural causes."

Usekhtep: (shrugging) "If it's any consolation to you, that's a meaningless number. I don't expect to die of natural causes."

 

The group tracked down a vicious, treacherous, murderous pirate captain. After a tough battle, the group won when they paralyzed the captain. Usekhtep followed up by performing a coup de grat.

Father Azerun: "I can't believe you killed her while she was paralyzed!"

Usekhtep: "Her crimes required her death. Did you want me to wake her up before I executed her?"

 

The DM liked to create moral quandaries for the players. Unfortunately for him, Usekhtep's black-and-white view of morality was immune to shades of gray.

Father Azerun: (explaining the moral quandary to the group) "I discovered that the boy we found will become a greater demonic power at some point in the future. But for now, his true nature is concealed, even from him. He is, for all purposes, an innocent child at this time."

Usekhtep: "What is the problem? I can easily take care of that."

Hesykhia: "You aren't going to kill the child?!?"

Usekhtep: "Of course not. My giant hawk has the ability to fly us to the Happy Hunting Grounds, one of the heavenly planes. We will take the boy there."

Father Azerun: "But contact with a heavenly plane could utterly destroy him."

Usekhtep: "In which case we'll know that he's truly a creature of evil, merely masquerading as an innocent."

Father Azerun: "What if he survives?"

Usekhtep: "Then I'll leave him there. He can spend his remaining years of innocence living in paradise. And as soon as his evil nature comes forth, he'll be utterly destroyed."

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TAO needs to revise his vocabulary.... and get some social skills.

 

Her, actually. She does have a very formal way of speaking when its about subjects she's not clear on (Basically anything but combat/strategy) and doesn't speak much otherwise. As I said the rest of the team is working on building her social abilities without much success so far. She doesn't see the point. :)

 

It took quite bit of a explaining across what "off duty" and "civilian" meant as concepts. Which leads to a amusing and embarrassing moment. Since her uniform and equipment were things for when "On duty" Tao got the impression it was against "regulations" to wear them when she wasn't "On duty"...and she didn't have any other clothing at the time. Or a sense modesty. It lead to a lively encounter with a tour group in the base.

 

A shopping trip followed soon after.

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Tonight, I ran an adventure titled "The Secret Origin of Mechanon" because I'm not a fan of the one in Book of the Machine and my world has a weird history, but it's not Champions without Mechanon. Some very special quotes are below. Due to a character named El Caminante creating a Klein Bottle in a temporal echo zone, my entire game almost became "Mechanon and the Mecha Men."

 

Basically, Mechanon was "created" when an American satellite named the N1-MK1 crashed in Africa after falling through a radiation belt. The "camera" and recording apparatus/computer was the source of Mechanon's origin. However, this created a quantum "echo" that wouldn't appear until present day. In 1957, the Americans and Russians sent superteams to retrieve the key data from the satellite. The Americans retrieved what they believed was the key information, but one of the russians secretly palmed the operational (irradiated) core and brought it back to Russia. He didn't even tell his fellow team members. Over time, mechanon built itself and began it's plans.

 

So the Quantum echo occurs. The russians go to investigate. The PC's team hears of the echo and goes to investigate. Well...Mechanon, sensing a familiar signal without really understanding it, shows up.

 

So they fiddle around with the Quantum echo for a while and accidentally displace themselves a couple times, only El Caminante decides to use his MOBIUS FIELD power to teleport inside the Quantum Echo. Well, he successfully reached the center. Unfortunately, all he got out before Mechanon shot him in the face and kayoed him in a single shot was "Mechanon! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

 

So the Russians and the PC's (after a brief explanation) fight Mechanon. And Mechanon isn't just winning. He's demolishing them. So El Caminante decides to put Mechanon in a Klein Bottle. (Yes. Inside the Quantum Echo. Clearly this is a great idea!)

 

Augenblick: DON'T DO IT! OOC: Do you really want to be the subject of the "I can't believe my players did this really stupid thing last night story?"

 

Me: OOC: No, this is more like you saying the same thing you said to Ryan in Mind over Matter. "I've done some pretty dumb things in Mike's game over the years, but this one has them all beat!"

 

Mechanon: You are the most dangerous one here! DIE!

 

Players (Except El Caminante): WE AGREE WITH MECHANON!

 

El Caminante misses. A Klein Bottle hangs oddly next to Mechanon.

 

Dr. Pranava's Player: I have never wanted a player to miss a villain so much! Oh my god!

 

(Game stops with laughter for five minutes here)

 

So Augenblick teleports the satellite into the path of Mechanon's attack. The satellite explodes, demolishing the Klein Bottle. The quantum backlash destroys Mechanon, who screams "NOOOOOOOOOO!" as he falls to the ground as a limp heap of parts.

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Augenblick: "I wish to study you, but not invasively."

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 Augenblick (To El Caminante):                 "You have no understanding of your powers. Perhaps I could introduce you to a course in remedial quantum physics.

 

Shih Lin Yuan, the Dragon Sorceress: Excuse me? But how exactly does "remedial" enter into quantum physics?

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------

 

El Caminante's Player: So what would have happened if I had rolled an 18.

 

Me: There would have been a sickening pop, and you all would have to come back next week for the heroic adventures of "Mechanon and the Mecha Men!"

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How did your group handle it, do you recall?

 

Sorry. That was a long time ago, and I have trouble remembering if I locked the door when I leave for work in the morning.  However, knowing my friends, they probably nuked the site from orbit.  It's the only way to be sure.

 

Although, I seem to remember an attempted infiltration of the UB, but I don't remember if that was successful or not.

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In which Slaanesh's Lonely Hearts Club Warband attempts to infiltrate and corrupt a convent full of battle-nuns, that turned out to be an asylum for insane battle-nuns built on psycho-reactive rock.

GM: In a Dark Heresy or Deathwatch game this would be where the shit hits the fan. But since we're playing Black Crusade I'll leave that up to you.
Jrska: How bad can we make this situation - wheeeee!

Jrska OoC: Apparently Jrska autocorrects to Krakatoa.
Cassius OoC: .... OK....
Jrska OoC: 'the biggest Bang in history'
Cog OoC: *sigh*

This session is pretty much all of us carrying out our private plans. Cog, for example, distracts the tech-priestess long enough to insert his own cogitator code into the convent's security systems.

Jrska: And then you can get back to re-calibrating her Etheric Beam Locators.

Aladar isn't sure what to do, since the rest of us are quite busy.

Jrska: Why not question your guard? 'What sort of strange occurrences have you seen? Why do YOU think we've been called in? Do you like my Spanish Galleon?'
Aladar: I'm resigned to being the dumb guy with a gun.
Jrska: That's ok, we trust you to ask dumb questions.
Cog: Do you have Logic to any level of competence?
Jrska: Do you have any competence?

Aladar: Where could I cause the most amount of trouble?
Jrska: Just be yourself.

Jrska and Cassius are now being questioned by the Sister who spotted us as a Space Marine psyker and a mutant. We manage to half-convince her that we really do work for the Inquisition, by giving her carefully selected truths and bypassing all points in between.

Sister Joanna: Are you of a broken breed?
Cassius: My Chapter is still loyal.
Sister Joanna: But you are not?
Cassius: I have left the Emperor's grace in the past.
Jrska: True XD

Aladar: My butt hurts.
Cassius: ....
Jrska: Nothing to do with me.

Cog: Meanwhile, the guy with the unusual codpiece...
Jrska: You could put out a midget's eye with that.

Aladar has spotted something interesting on the surveillance pict-casters, just before Cog has the entire security system shut down for 'maintenance' - a really nice set of power armour on display somewhere in the convent.

GM: Most of the Seraphim Sisters live on the upper levels, so they can fly down if they need to.
Jrska: Like giant pigeons - picture them up there, sleeping with their heads under their wings and going "CoOoOo, CoOoOo"

Aladar decides that the armour will make a nice trophy, despite the fact that walking off with it will completely ruin our infiltration. But then, personal goals are a notoriously easy way to ruin a Compact. Just look at Jrska's plan to seduce a nun. Either way, the nunnery's vow of silence at least stops him saying too stupid.

GM: You can talk to your escort, but you'll need to right up next to her whispering in her ear.
Jrska: 'Hail Hydra'

Aladar: I think I'll steal a pauldron. A really big one.
Jrska: One with a really shiny skull on it?

Jrska: We will locate the source of any corruption in this convent, and then root it..... out

Cog: What's the Imperial proverb about wagging tongues?
Jrska: *holds fingers to muzzle, in V-sign* blalalalalala.
Cog: Not YOUR proverb.

Cassius: We're not here to make friends.
Jrska: Well, you might not be.
Peanut Gallery: No, you're here to make out.

Aladar discovers that the armour he's drooling after is a relic in the convent's main chapel. He somehow convinces his escort to step outside so he can conduct some 'private prayer' - i.e. Casing the joint, then deciding to desecrate the chapel by putting the sigils of Chaos everywhere.

GM: You did consecrate this Compact to Slaanesh...
Cassius: ... *facepalm*
Jrska: Basically you're scribbling cocks on everything. 'For a good time call'.

Jrska is still deciding which of the nuns to seduce - one of the guards? The broken ones? Or the embittered ones? That half the inmates already figured out she's a mutant just adds go the spice. Speculation abounds as to where various nuns place on the Kinsey Scale. To place Jrska, of course, requires exploring the imaginary number plane and transfinite sets.

Aladar: Basically, sexuality is ...
Jrska: A wibbly-wobbly ball of sexy-wexy.
Cog's player: Well, there's a sentence I never expected to hear.
Cassius' player: Really? And how long have you known Drhoz?

That digression takes the players off into Doctor Who and Rule 34

GM: 'This sonic screwdriver DOES work on wood.'

GM: Taking our minds out of the gutter -
Jrska: Booooooo
GM: And resting them on the edge of the drain where they can fall back in.

Sister Joanna seems typical of the embittered ones - a deep resentment combined with survivor guilt. She certainly seems to take the resentment out on her fellow battle-nuns during training sessions, according to the security records Cog reviews.

Aladar: And goddamn can she spike a volleyball

There's an interesting inscription on the relic armour in the chapel - something about curses - but Aladar can't quite make it out from ground level. He also discovers that the previous occupant is still inside.

GM: She's mummified, and definitely female.
Jrska: Necrophilia, necrophilia, necrophila, rigor mortis makes me hard, hey! She'll be easier to seduce than the others too XD

Cassius is less than impressed that Aladar scribbled Slaaneshi graffiti all over the chapel. This is supposed to be a covert mission, after all.

Cassius: Give me one good reason why I shouldn't just crush your skull.
Jrska: Killing one of your minions may be difficult to explain. Perhaps wait until we're off the planet.
Cassius: True.
Jrska: And that gives you a chance to redeem yourself. Remember sweety, we obey Lord Cassius' orders, not make up our own as we go along. (Blatant lie! Blatant lie!)
Cassius OoC: At least you pretend to obey my orders.

On the other hand, Aladar did actually conceal the sigils - inside the venerable skulls of former Abbesses, scribbled among the stitching of the heraldic banners, etc.

Jrska: That could be useful - if we have to, we can always claim the convent really was corrupt. There's proof.

Jrska has chosen her own target too.

Jrska: It's not that hard - I just have to find the right lever. The human need for intimacy, for example - and then exploit it to the hilt.
Cog: 'I thought this was a silent order - I think I just heard someone squeal'
Jrska: Actually, trying to stay silent will just add to the pleasure XD
Aladar: *sings* Hold your breath, it gets better.

Jrska sends her servo-skull Discobot-2000 off to get a closer look at that inscription. Unfortunately, the little flying servitor manages to get himself lost. This may take some explaining to the sisters.

Cog: Have you seen a little bundle of fun anywhere? It seems our friend with the codpiece decided to fiddle.
GM: You're blaming Aladar?
Jrska: Why not? He's been responsible for every other fuck-up.

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Bizarrely enough, Ian had nothing to do with this

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But he did  update me on his campaign of terror in DayZ. He's decided to build a base for himself. He didn't used to have a base - just an outhouse on the middle of the Haunted Forest. Teams would go into the forest hunting for his non-existent base, and walk right past the outhouse. He eavesdropped on one assassin that had gone in hunting him - the other PC radioed back "I've got to the outhouse - what do I do now?", dithered for a bit, then lost his nerve and fled back to town.

Anyway, his new base isn't as elaborate as most - it's just a barn. It's the accessories that make it the target of rage across the server. As one of Ian's friends asked him -

"Why have you spent four cases of gold on grenades?"

The grenades became the thirty-meter deep minefield around the barn. So far, nobody has even got to the door, despite him 'helpfully' arranging (booby-trapped) oil drums to jump between. One player even tried to drive a tank up to his door, and it got blown up too. Ian cheerfully looted the bodies and parked the tank beside his barn, and invited the player to come retrieve it. One team did try to land a helicopter on the roof, but Ian had deliberately chosen a building with a sloped roof. They slid right off into the minefield. Naturally, the carnage has greatly improved Ian's pile of loot. To the fury of the other players, he just stores it all in the barn.

Player: I got him! I finally got him! Wait, he's not carrying any loot.
Player 2: what? He took my best rifle last week!
Player: he says he stashed it in the barn.
Player 2: fuuuuuuuu-

Of course, they could just fly a plane into his barn, just like he did to those other players, but while he was bored one day he discovered something interesting. He was building a tower from scaffolding, just to see how tall it would go, and was well above anything in the game when a plane flew into it. The plane blew up - and the tower stayed standing.

Ian thinks "I've just invented a giant flyswat". He's intending to build them at the end of each airport runway.

He recently spotted one of the other players heading to the traders camp, and wondered what he was buying. So he took off his burlap sack and followed him in. It turned out he was buying a car, and then medical supplies. So Ian got into the back of the car while the other player was off buying stuff, laid down on the back seat, put the burlap sack back on, and waited. And once they were driving down the road, sat up and started squealing and gibbering in the driver's ear.

After the car crash, the other player admitted it was pretty funny, but was slightly peeved that the car was a write-off and he'd been killed in the impact. The Pigman, predictably, survived.

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DNA DOA Pt 2 : The Run : Break into a high-security Aztechnology research park, steal all the data on a particular project, and deliver it to our client who is presumably from a rival biotech company. Complications - somebody is blackmailing Greenlight into handing the info to them, or they'll kill his brother. And Felix used to work for Aztech, and half his family still do, and he still has some loyalty to the brand. But at we know that some of the third party's claims about bugs on his person are bogus, which is a relief to Greenlight, and Felix can always email his grandfather after they have the data.

Felix: 'Dear Grandfather - if you know anybody involved in Project X, tell them to abandon ship now.'
Inkubus: 'A little bird tells me it's just been torpedoed'

Plus, Felix doesn't believe the rumours about Aztech anyway.

Inkubus: Half of Aztechnology feeds the world, the other half is ... Demon-spawn Incorporated.
Felix: That's just propaganda by other megacorps.
Inkubus: .... This is why you need to stick with me.

The client provided us with a map of the Tacoma sewers, and a catalyst to soften the plascrete walls of the Aztech lab. Aztech's formidable security is still a worry.

Titus: It's Aztechnology, they'll have some sort of poison gas to pump in after us.
Felix: It's the sewers, they don't have to ADD gas.

Inkubus: The sewers are the one place in Seattle you don't behave to worry about devil-rats!
Labrat: The demon-rats eat them.

Demon-rats notwithstanding, the sewers do have inhabitants. Three sleeping orcs that Warhammer stuns, just in case, and a team of apparent Shadowrunners, who are lost, and that we avoid.

GM: They're hiding from the cops.
Greenlight: They're hiding from a group of trees?
Inkubus OoC: .... I want to rearrange the table. Drhoz up here, punsters down there.

Breaking in through the wall proves relatively simple, although at Felix's suggestion Labrat sets explosives to collapse the sewer after we leave. The ventilation shaft on the other side is cramped - especially for Titus - but a bigger concern is the torn out gratings, flashing emergency lights, and blood trails. The cells next to the lab, and mutilated bodies, don't bode well.

Felix: I think I've seen this movie
Greenlight: Well, none of us are black, so we can't be killed.

Apparently some airborne agent has been released.

Felix: So, who's glad I insisted on portable air supply?
Greenlight: Um.
Titus: I brought mine.

But that doesn't explain the state of the bodies, or the THINGS scurrying around the premises.

Labrat: There are lots of things that have claws. Rats, cats, dogs....
Felix: Deinocheirus
Labrat: Exactly

Felix: Was there provision for extra danger money in this contract?

Felix photographs everything - he is rather upset.

Felix: I think I'll be sending a strongly worded email to my grandfather. It doesn't do the company's reputation any good when they actually ARE doing stuff like this!

Felix: Somebody remind me why we're doing this job?
Inkubus: We're being paid.

Something is eating, noisily, in one of the side rooms. We unhook assorted incendiary, concussion, and frag grenades, toss them through the door, and slam it.

Felix: There's no kill like overkill.

Unfortunately, whatever was in there is annoyed, not dead, and comes out to complain.

GM: It's a flaming troll
Labrat: Its dress is FABulous
Felix: Well, it DOES look like the dress from Hunger Games.

Labrat: I know what it is and I'm panicking
Felix: YOU'RE panicking?! We threw four grenades at it and it's mildly pissed off!!!

Happily massed firepower does take it down, although it was just as well we added a few more white phosphorus grenades and Titus introduced its skull to his sledgehammer, since it was getting up again. That probably explains the Aztech security team we find barricaded into one if the offices. We claim to be Aztech security sent to back them up, and warn them to stay put until the decontamination teams arrive.

Felix: What I want to know is why the rest of Aztech security hasn't turned up to reinforce these poor fuckers
Labrat: They're currently chasing something worse.
Inkubus: This is a good thing and a bad thing.... I mean, I'm sure they'll catch it.

The dead thing appears to be a mutated, knobbly troll, with grotesquely long and muscular arms.

Greenlight: Evidently it skipped Leg Day

Labrat sucks the data from the computers, and carefully sets thermite and high-ex in the vault to destroy the rest of their research and bio-weapons. Apparently Aztech have been making sentient lions, tigers, and bears. Oh my. And whatever did THAT to the troll, cockroaches, and nematodes, is not something we want to exist, anyway.

We blow our way back out through the re-hardened wall with a shaped charge - that way we can save the other dose of the softening catalyst for another time. We're sure it will prove useful. And then off to the frieghter for the hand-off, wondering when whoever blackmailed Greenlight will show up, and musing about the cover of Shadowrun 2050, where a dwarf is breaking a cyber deck over the head of a security operative - very stupid, given the ridiculous expense of 2050 cyber decks.

Labrat: That's because we don't see what happens next - the dwarf screaming "what did I just do?!?!?"
Titus: There is the chance that it's not the Dwarf's cyber deck.
Greenlight: It's the elf that's jacked into something.
Inkubus: *wince* in that case, once he gets over the dump shock, the elf will kill the dwarf

We arrive at the docks - being paranoid, Felix checks the astral landscape before we proceed, and discovers there are at least 12 people waiting, instead of one. Also, they've apparently chosen the locale because of its proximity to the warehouses where thousands of orcs and trolls were burned alive during the Night of Rage some years ago. Felix and Warhammer climb to a roof where they can snipe from, just in case, although the storm and rain aren't helping visibility. Labrat tells everybody to head to Dock 90 if shit goes down, for some reason. We soon discover that the client's operative has been replaced with the asshole holding Greenlight's brother. We play it cool, even after ten armed men come out of hiding, and even after we notice most of them are wearing Alamos 20K armbands. These are the genocidal terrorist group that claimed responsibility for the Night of Rage atrocity, and many other murderous attacks.

Greenlight demands they bring his brother out, which they do, keeping a gun to his head. Greenlight hands over a corrupt data chip, and the terrorist - apparently rather startled it's all going so smoothly - says he's going to go check. Labrat warns them to not try anything, and holds up the insurance he had in his pocket - a bundle of extremely hi-ex and a detonator.

Labrat: I have a C12 grenade.
Warhammer: I want one.

This is when the entire deck is lit with spotlights, a dozen Aztech security choppers descend from the sheets of rain, Aztech combat vehicles roar down from the gates, and a loudspeaker bellows at to all remain where we are. We had, unfortunately, neglected the possibility of magical pursuit. At least we'd all been wearing generic environment gear, and didn't use any magic, while we were inside Aztech - with any luck Aztech will assume it was all Alamos 20k.

The Alamos 20K gawp, Greenlight yells "Go!", Felix drops the one holding Greenlight's brother with a stunbolt, Titus drops the leader with a sledgehammer to the jaw, the leader and the hostage are grabbed, and the team jump overboard as more terrorists pour out of the warehouse and Aztech and Alamos 20k open fire on each other.

Warhammer and Felix linger on the roof, since nobody has spotted them yet, assisting the chaos by sniping anybody about to throw a grenade, then cover the team's motorbikes with a tarp and scampering off to Dock 90. The others have already been there for some time - luckily they still had those self-contained air supplies. It turns out Labrat had bought an Aztechnology cruiser after our last run, and by a happy co-incidence he'd had it berthed at these very docks the whole time. We head out into Puget Sound to enjoy the fireworks as Aztech and Alamos start using RPGs and the like on each other.

Greenlight's brother wakes up, and surprises us with something Inkubus and Titus had already figured out, but was news to the rest of us.

Greenlight's brother: SIS!?
Inkubus: Yeah, Greenlight is actually a girl.

Then there's the terrorist we brought with us, who proves completely unable to resist Inkubus's mind proves, spilling every secret he knows, including Alamos 20k banking details, the identity of his superiors in the organisation, the fact that our client's superior at Biodyne is a Alamos 20k sympathiser ( which explains how they managed to hijack the plan ), what they wanted the research for ( a virus to wipe out all meta humans ), and why he joined Alamos 20k in the first place.

Greenlight: He hates metahumans because an elf girl dumped him.
Labrat: He hates them because an Orc boy dumped him XD

We hand the terrorist and the info on Alamos 20k over to Warhammer's CIA contact, and drain their banking account. Labrat bundles the data on Homo felis, Homo ursus, and the other less horrible research, and sends it off to one of the independent broadcasters. Greenlight gets to work teaching her little brother what he'll need to survive, while they try to find their parents.

Felix: The Shadowrun equivalent of 'Operation' - 'Bomb Disposal'
Greenlight's player: I love the fact that whenever the PCs in any of my games have children, they immediately start raising them as the next generation of PCs.

One oddity is that her brother doesn't seem to have aged at all, since the day Renraku corps security bundled him and his parents into the back of a truck. He doesn't remember anything concrete about the intervening years, either.

Ah well, back to the main plot, which we've derailed again.

GM: What is it with you lot derailing my plots by getting on a boat?
Greenlight: We're just awesome that way.

Nonetheless, Labrat still gets a phone call from Mr B, who rumour holds is a big name in the Orc Underground. We've been invited to a meet.

Inkubus: I bring a six-pack of Hurlg. And manage to resist drinking any.
Greenlight: Good - I don't want to have to carry you.
Inkubus: If you have to carry Inkubus, there isn't any beer.
Labrat: If you drank so much Hurlg there won't be any Inkubus

The big mystery here is how did they figure out we were involved in the business at the wharves, and why would they trust us after that anyway?

Felix: If they noticed whose boat left the dock, and whose bikes were left behind, they may well figure that somebody embarrassed Aztechnology and got dozens of Alamos 20K assholes killed, and think 'these are our kinds of people!'

That appears to be the case. We're even given the incredible honour of a visit to the top-secret underground complex the Orcs have under Seattle's lava and ash flows. One of the things we discuss with Mr B is the fate of our original client. Apparently his boss had him 'delayed' and he's probably going to need rescuing. True, we failed on the run, as far as he knows, but rescue and the chance to climb the corporate ladder after his boss gets arrested for terrorist ties should go a long way. Besides, we got more money out of the terrorist accounts than we were going to be paid, anyway.

He's not the only one who needs rescuing. The scientist - a long time friend of Mr B - who made the virus possible is very upset with the way her work was perverted. But there's not they can do about it, since they're still effectively a slave to Aztechnology. And she wants out. And they're being kept secure in the same complex we raided earlier. Just as well we kept a dose of the wall-softening catalyst.

Felix: We should extract them soon. While they still think nobody would be stupid enough to try this twice

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Ian continues to make himself the most hated and beloved character on DayZ.

For one thing the other players now think the Haunted Forest has a wookie as well as a Pigman. That's because he donned a Ghillie suit, leapt out on three PCs, and beat them to death with a fishing rod.

The suit also proved useful in another stunt, which cost 36 lives before he got bored. He parked an armoured car in the middle of a empty  field surrounded by trees, then lay down three feet in front of the vehicle with a sniper rifle trained on the driver's seat. He then announced over the server that there was a prize just waiting to be claimed.

And despite knowing it was Ian, and knowing there was no possible way this could end well, 36 players still showed up.

True, some of them did turn up in teams, trying to figure out where the sniper fire was coming from, but they were all watching the tree-line. One player figured out that he had to be hiding somewhere in the field, and drove a tank over every suspicious bush, but managed to miss the one that was actually the Pigman. Ian then waited until the other PC got out of the tank to hook a tow rope to the armoured car, and shot him in the head.

The GMs love him, of course - and they've worked together to punish people that actually hack the game. When the Pigman got bored with the slanty shanty, and discovered an island well away from the mainland, they encouraged his efforts to become  Governor Pigman, as he built a large high-security prison. At the moment the only inmate is one of the aforementioned hackers, whose character got taken down by the Pigman and dragged off to a cell on the island, where the Pigman gloats at him from the roof. The player is livid, of course, and has even tried to starve his character to death so he re-spawn back on the mainland, but the Pigman just beats him unconscious and force-feeds him.

None of the other players have figured out about the island yet - they've seen him driving armoured cars out to sea, but apparently they think it's just the Pigman taking loot out of circulation again.
 

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