Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

[Drhoz]

The continuing stoooooory of a band of traitors, renegades and cultists who are masquerading as acolytes of the Imperial Inquisition in order to corrupt a loyal order of battle-nuns, and instead found, as Aladar puts it "A nut-house built on an Indian burial ground".

As we players arrive for the game -

Me: They're just bees. They have no interest in you unless you actually molest them.
Cassius's player: And that must be Drhoz. It's not just the volume, it's the content - bees and molesting.

Speculation as to what the Emperor would actually think about the sorry state of the Imperium, if he ever woke up.

The Emperor: I close my eyes for 10 millennia! You've trashed the front room! I told you, no parties!

On the gaming rooms' collection of malfunctioning and naked Furbys.

Cog's player: This is like one of Jrska's dreams.
Cassius's player: I don't want Jrska to find out about Furbys. Especially the one with the realistic tongue.
Cog's player: I want to find a planet with cute furry harmless animals.
Me: No such thing in 40K.

Cassius's player: Now we have two pun swords
Me: Pun swords?
Cassius's player: You make a pun, I hit you with this. It is your punishment.
GM: Should you hit yourself then?
Cassius's player: *does so*
GM: It's a bit pun-y.
Cassius's player: Puny? A Pune, a play on words?
GM: I'm not good with words, ok?
Cog's player: Zombie Shakespeare is rising from the grave...
Me: So he can hit him with the pun sword?
Cog's player: So he can die again.

Aladar's plan to appropriate a trophy from the convent's reliquary room presents major difficulties, including the fact the Sisters of Battle will probably notice if one of their most treasured relics suddenly goes missing. And, of course, how do you smuggle out a giant 40K pauldron anyway? Perhaps by replacing Aladar's codpiece with it?

The Sister assigned to guard our chambers goes off to see if she can find our missing servoskull, but comes back claiming there's no sign of it. Has it been appropriated by the Sisters, and the contents of its memory currently studied? This paranoia may explain our jumpiness that night, although it's possible the raised hackles and little noises in the corridors have a more supernatural cause.

Jrska: I would have quite liked to hear battle-nuns sneaking to each other's cells. It would give me hope for the future.

We insist on speaking to the Celestan after her morning prayers, claiming that the disappearance of the servoskull may be evidence of traitorous activity in the convent, and that we sent the skull searching because the ongoing security outage (that we instigated) would be the moment for any cultists to make their move. Cassius also reveals that he is a telepath, and given the Imperium's distrust of psykers, it's understandable that the Celestan doesn't react well. In fact, she draws her sword. Jrska instantly moves to reinforce the idea that Cassius is some kind of bound, conditioned psychic servitor, and not a traitorous space marine librarian that could make the Celestan's head explode with mind bullets.

Jrska: Take heed. Protocols x345, Zeta 9, Zeiton 11. The Celestan is designated ally - you are not to attack her. Defensive programs only. Acknowledge.
Cassius: *long pause, and bows, and telepathically glowers at Jrska* Don't enjoy this too much.

We insist on letting our 'bound psyker' do a full psychic sweep of the convent. Cog and our pet idiot Aladar will review the psychic defences of the convent. Jrska has her own priorities.

Jrska: Have Sister Bilitis brought to the interrogation room ( may as well achieve my personal goal in case we have to leave in a hurry > )

We have until noon to achieve whatever we want to do, before the security systems come back online.

Jrska: Pity I won't have a camera record of what I'm going to do with Sister Bilitis
Cog: You'll have your memories.
Jrska: Such happy memories.
Cog: Don't salivate too much
Jrska: They can't tell through the mask anyway >
GM: Do you have some sort of sponge in there?

Cog and Aladar manage to convince the Battle-nuns that the hexagrammic wards inscribed around the tower are faulty. And 'helpfully' demonstrate how to inscribe the 'correct' ones.

Cog: What they don't realise is the arrange of hexagrams forms an eight-pointed star in the middle.
Jrska: The Hidden Octed

That they can get away with this is a inditement of the Imperium's record keeping. Sure, they'll record everything. But most of those records are hand-copied, and archives will be indiscriminately purged if even one line ends up sounding heretical.

Cog: In 40K Grammar Nazis have fusion bombs.

GM: You'll be finished about the same time Jrska does.
Jrska: Stamina. Advantage of being female - no refractory period XD


Cassius is taken outside the convent walls to charge up his mind-fu.

Cassius: I don't want to make them any more nervous than I need to.

Jrska: Just nervous enough XD

The sisters assigned to escort him stand well back, and cheerfully offer to blow his head off if it looks like he's losing control. Actually, given some of the side effects of psychic powers, if Cassius really was an Imperial asset, euthanasia really is the merciful option. As it is, he merely corrupts everything for 20 meters around.

Jrska: All the caterpillars nearby go insane.

It's fortunate he didn't induce any of the more spectacular perils, such as rains of blood, or gravity inversion.

Cog: 'Wadd'ya know - a flying nun.'

A brief digression into why humanity is hopelessly devoted to Slaanesh, using banana-derived alcohol as evidence.

Cassius OoC: We're humans. If we can ferment it, we'll drink it.
Cog: Although possibly only the once.
Jrska: Ferment it and they will come.

Jrska continues her efforts to corrupt the cuter nuns.

Cassius: The convent's confessor - that's who you want to corrupt.
Cog: That'd be quite the confession.
Cassius: 'Forgive me sister, I have sinned. In fact I'm sinning right now.'
Jrska: You might want to compose yourself - we'll be here some time.
Cog: 'I brought a whiteboard '
Jrska: And a PowerPoint presentation.
Cassius: Although Jrska thinks PowerPoint presentations involve a strap-on.
Cog: And actual power points

Jrska: I suspect the main reason daemons have a problem with faith is that daemons exist by altering reality on a whim, and faith involves denying it.

Cassius is discovering interesting things - little trickles of psychic energy flowing up through the convent towards the reliquary. And other interesting things about the convent.

Escort: That area is sealed. We had a unfortunate faith incident.
Cassius: I tug on the handle.
Jrska : Testing that it is actually sealed

Aladar: When are you meeting with us?
Jrska: After I've given Sister Bilitis so many orgasms she passes out.
GM: Actually you haven't done that quite yet.
Jrska: Bringing her around. Expanding her horizons - and other things.

Eventually they end up in the reliquary chapel - where the missing servoskull is hovering in front of the dead saint's armour, and Cassius can detect the presence of something probing and altering the minds of the sisters as they enter and leave. He can also read the inscription around the armour's neck.

GM: Here Lies St. Recluse, May Her Faith Forgive Her Psychic Curse
Jrska: Called it.

Cassius plans to have a servoskull purposed to burrow through the psychic-active plateau beneath the convent, carving out Chaotic runes in the rock around the convent, to encourage and corrupt whatever entity he has discovered.

Cassius: This way if I get killed my dying words can still be "And I will still have my revenge." And the hero will dismiss it as the blustering of Chaos, and the Inquisition will go "oh, fuck".

That the skull was here, but our escort never found it, is odd, since according to the thing's log, it's been hovering here the whole time, while something rifled through its memory. It appears the escort was made to forget she saw it here.

Aladar: What happens in the reliquary stays in the reliquary.

GM: Your communicator buzzes
Jrska: I got a use for that

Aladar: Why does your servo-skull have so much porn on it?
Jrska: It's called life-blogging.
Cog: ... dear lord.

Jrska interrogates the escort, to confirm that her memory was altered, and to ask what her recurring nightmares are about. Hers are about a power failure trapping her in her power armour.

Jrska: Gee, I wonder where she's getting THAT idea from XD
Cassius: Faith can bind more securely than any witchery
Jrska: It's looking more and more like it's the psyker's spirit bound to the armour that's the problem. Well, their problem. Our opportunity.

Cassius and Cog team up to investigate the limits of the dead saint's power. And to talk it around to their point of view - perhaps easier than it sounds, since it's been feeding on the resentment and madness of the inmates for decades, and is almost ready to lash out anyway.

Cassius: There's something mechanical going on with me, and something mechanical going on with you.
Jrska: And sometimes something mechanical going on with me, but it generally involved Sybians.
Cassius: And lots of lube.
Cog: *facepalm*

Cassius: I'm making the Sign of the Aquila but I'm focusing on these two fingers.

Cassius decides the best way to test the spirit's telepathic editing abilities is to 'discover' Aladar's desecration of a minor relic, and see if the Celestan promptly forgets about it.

Jrska: Time to call in the expert - and I know all about how to deal with sin and corruption. Usually it involves lots of lube and pauses for refreshment.
Cassius: Sports drinks. Lots of sports drinks.

Jrska follows the mortified nun up the stairs to the the chapel, while Cassius amuses himself by plodding along ahead, filling the corridor with his hulking size.

The Celestan: How can this be? How could such evil have been hidden right beneath our gaze?
Jrska: The enemy is perfidious - it could be right behind you the whole time, ready to stab you in the back.

The Celestan is also desperate that word of the discovery doesn't reach the outside world.

The Celestan: We have many enemies
Jrska: *pats her sympathetically on the shoulder* I know, I know.

The Celestan wants to talk to us privately, after she takes the desecrated sword off to be re consecrated, and we go over the chapel with a fine tooth comb, to give it a 'clean bill of health'. She promises us interesting details of the convent's history.

This will give Cassius and Cog a chance to replace the sacred pauldron with one of Aladar's own, suitably altered. And by doing this themselves, they'll steal a little bit of Aladar's Infamy.

Jrska OoC: Like that neural whip you got me - 'I've got something for you, Jrska' and my ears pricked up and I said 'How do you want me, lord?'

Happily, Aladar's player is OK with being the party's butt-monkey.

Jrska: Although I am a bit irritated with how jaded Aladar has become. He's not even any fun in bed any more. He's the human equivalent of a yeast infection.

[Michael Tisdel]

In Saturday's MHI game (session 3 of a 3-session adventure based on "Live and Let Die") The hunters are zip tied in front of Kananga, who after soliloquizing for a bit, sends his Zombie Guards to attack them. While two of the hunters try to cut their bonds, Doc starts kicking the nearest Zombie. He misses, but the zombie returns the favor and, rolling well on the hit location, kicks Doc in the "vitals". As he slumps to the ground, Doc says "I hate Crotch Zombies."

 

And we had to suspend the game for about ½ hour for everyone to stop laughing.

[Lucius]

Jrska: I suspect the main reason daemons have a problem with faith is that daemons exist by altering reality on a whim, and faith involves denying it.

May I quote you on that?

 

Lucius Alexander

 

I reject your reality and substitute a palindromdary

[Drhoz]

May I quote you on that?

 

Lucius Alexander

 

I reject your reality and substitute a palindromdary

 

feel free

[Lucius]

feel free

*Writes it down in his spiritual journal*

 

Lucius Alexander

 

The palindromedary chides me to forget about faith - one doesn't need faith to fly, one needs to understand flying

[Drhoz]

Ian is now so notorious that people that have never played DayZ can use him as a point of reference. "Have you heard about that server with the forest no-one goes into?" "Yes."

He has invited one of our mutual friends to join him on the server. The plan is to dress identically, and have a common soundboard. So when one party of idiots flees from the Pigman, they'll run around the corner of a building and find him waiting for them. Using the same "Reeeeeeee, gonna get you, little fishies" soundbites.

[L. Marcus]

Paranoia, thy name is Ian.

[Drhoz]

Me: A Gelatinous Cube is an amusing monster - unless Ian is GMing, in which case it's a Total Party Kill.

This got us onto the topic of deathtrap dungeon design - and yes, Ian and his Gelatinous Cube with a glowing sword it ate earlier was referenced - including dungeons that seem minor enough to attract lesser adventurers, but are in fact designed to harvest their loot. The nearest village, of course, gets a fifty-fifty split.

Greenlight's player: The problem with that plan is that adventurers have families. Oh wait, no they don't. They spontaneously generate.

The next hour is spent talking about My Little Pony, and interesting examples of the Human in Equestria genre of fanfic, such as the one recently written by Greenlight's player, featuring a English knight from the period of the War of the Roses, and which has already attracted enough attention to reach the top of the front page of FiMfiction.

GM: Anyway, let's begin.
Greenlight's player: Yes, let us begin and stop alienating my brother.

Anyway - Mr B of the Orc Underground wants us to go back into that Aztechnology research park to rescue the geneticist responsible for the mutagenic virus. As it turns out, this isn't quite true, but since we're pretending to be virtuous Shadowrunners this week we agree to do so. This, on top of the initial 'finders fee', advance on the job, and looted Alamos20K funds, means we've already been paid four times for one job. If we rescue our Johnson from the NeoNazis, and if Felix's grandfather reacts the way he anticipates, we might end up bring paid 6 times.

Anyway, since we blew up the the sewer as we left last time, we're going to need another way in. One of orcs leads us to the wall behind the Aztech complex's security and communications node. Blow that up, and the complex will be cut off from the outside world.

GM: You're getting a tour of the sewers
Inkubus: I really didn't need to know where lost his virginity

Labrat gets to work. We still have a dose of the wall-softening catalyst, but Labrat is running short of shaped charges that will let us out again. Happily, if he leaves a few small blocks of hi-ex INSIDE the wall as we pass through, on a ten minute fuse, we can destroy the wall with ease.

Inkubus: The chunky salsa rules

Felix nips into the Astral to check for magical security, and sticks his head through the wall - and comes face-to-face with an Aztech security Mage just finishing his own astral patrol.

Felix: I've just done the astral equivalent of climbing over the chain-link fence while the security guard was waiting on the other side.

Inkubus comes to the rescue, after the initial exchange of spell fire and the other Mage rubs back to his body to raise the alarm. He does so by hitting the guy's Focus amulet with a Glue spell, neatly attaching the opponent to his chair in real life. He follows up with a summoned spirit to make sure the alarm isn't raised.

Inkubus: What would a summoned Spirit of Man look like down here, anyway?
Felix: They've been doing unholy experiments on people and making chimeras down here, and he's still glued to the chair, so... *grin*
Security Mage: *looks up at the Frankenstein's Monster that just materialised* F**k.

Happily its orders are merely to restrain the Mage (actually killing employees tends to annoy Megacorporations, who otherwise treat Shadowrunners as an unavoidable part of business life). We blow the security node and enter the facility, chatting about assorted ephemera while we wait for the plasteel wall to liquidise.

Greenlight: So there's Monster High and My Little Pony : Equestria Girls.
GM: They're making a live action movie of that.
Felix: *boggles*
Greenlight: Bullshit!
GM: Monster High, not MLP
Felix: Ah, THAT makes sense. How would they have gotten the ponies to talk, anyway?
Inkubus: They're ordering peanut butter by the tonne.

Inside the complex, they've obviously been slacking off on fire drills and the like. Practically everybody is continuing with their stocktake or card games despite the boom and the emergency lights coming on. Strolling through the complex shock-batoning or gel-bag shotgunning various technicians and security guards is a walk in the park.

Technicians: Why have all the lights gone - ooof! What the? There wasn't a wall here before! *look up at the wall of troll*
Inkubus as Titus: 'Group hug!' *grab*

Felix: Now, who brought the plastic cuffs?
Inkubus: Only the furry ones, and I didn't think they were appropriate.

Felix: This is going to look very bad on their mid-year performance review.

Felix: If my grandfather DOES question me about this I'm going to be very critical of the security in here.
Titus as Felix: '*I* managed to get past it!'
Felix: Twice! In one day!

Some of the doors are closed, and arguments ensue. After all, the woman we're seeking might be in one of them. Should we pick the lock or just kick the door in?

Felix: I've got an idea. *knock knock* No answer? Right then, on to the next room.
Inkubus: *applause* Welcome to the world of using your brain in Shadowrun.

Felix: I fear the main reason no-one has come running in response to the gunfire is because of all the extra sound-proofing on the rooms - to keep the screaming down

Labrat: I shoot the dog
Felix: pew pew pew!
Titus: I'm now picturing an entire team of Shadowrunners that do nothing but make 'Pew pew pew' noises.

One reason it's so easy is that we blast anybody that actually opens the door, and that we've already taken out the biggest danger - the Mage back in the first room, who currently has Frankenstein's Monster sitting on his head.

Inkubus: Yay for circumventing the plot. And we weren't even in a boat this time!

Some of the people in the complex have finally noticed the gunfire and are hiding under computer consoles, etc. We attempt to reassure one terrified young woman that we're not actually killing anybody - merely keeping everybody out of the way while we get on with the job - before stunning her and adding her to the pile.

Greenlight: *to Inkubus!* Get the sexy on!
Inkubus: Please tell me you didn't say that aloud.
Greenlight: No?
Inkubus: Preemptive cockblocking, wow.

Labrat: *to Greenlight* you're up.
Greenlight: What, I've got two X chromosomes and therefore I get to talk to women?
Labrat: No, I'm inviting you over because you've got the stun baton.
Felix: I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I think my brain derailed.


Titus stocks his head into one room, notes the sneering corporate-type, his PA, and a nervous security operative, and closes the door again. These guys apparently noticed all the noise and decided staying put and hoping we'd pass them by was the safer option.

Avatar: Could you tell whoever owned the dog that we're sorry about that? One of us really *really* doesn't like dogs.

Especially heavily cybered Rottweilers.

The last room is the main security centre of the Alpha complex, where a handful of technicians and security guards stand around in the emergency lighting being useless.

Felix: You could always pop out from under a table and taser them in the groin.
Greenlight: That's unsporting. I like it.

Greenlight: Zapping a guy in the junk is very effective
Inkubus: Yes.
Felix: We know.

It turns out our target is in one of the holding cells. There are Orc captives, apparently prepped for experimentation, in the others.

Dr Carol Oates: I won't fall for any of your tricks, Peterhoff!
Inkubus: Do I look like somebody that would work here?

GM: There's two Ork women and three children. They're in hospital smocks. They huddle.
Felix: Right. Can we shoot that Peterhoff guy on the way out?
Inkubus: Labrat!
Labrat: I pop my head in and tell them to come with us.
Inkubus: Except we just called him Labrat. *headwall* Thud. Thud. Thud.

Actually using our names during a run was probably a bad idea, too.

Labrat sets up a large bucket of bleach and other cleaning chemicals, and a proximity detonator, outside the room with that exec - presumably Peterhoff.

Labrat: This guy f**ks with orcs, I f**k with him.

Apparently Peterhoff was planning to scapegoat Owens for the virus release that caused all the giant cockroaches etc earlier. Is there anything else in the complex we should know about?

Dr Carol Owens: Just the bodies of the virus victims.
Felix: That explains why they didn't answer the door then.

Inkubus and Felix go Astral to clean up our forensic fingerprints. Titus carries our bodies off to the first rendezvous point. After all, we can return to them anytime, providing we don't get lost.

Inkubus: That can be embarrassing. Mages - Do you know where your meat is?

We deliver Owens to Mr B, and discover we may well have delivered her to her own execution.

Mr B: Oh, Doctor Owens, I am ashamed.
Inkubus: I am disappoint.

Mr B: I want one good reason why I shouldn't have you shot.
Warhammer: I'll do it for free.
Greenlight: Shut up, Warhammer.

Mr B and Owens knew each other before the former's goblinization, and he's followed her work on the metahuman gene complex. He is not happy, in the least, that she went on to work on creating chimeras, lethal viruses, and experimentation on orcs.

The party convince Mr B that even if she had a choice about the way the way Aztechnology used her research, shooting her in the head and dumping her body in Puget Sound is wasteful, when she could instead be kept under house arrest in the Orc Underground and her knowledge put to good use.

Inkubus: Never, ever, ever get rid of a potential asset. Sure, she done goof, but if you kill her she can't fix it. What are you, stupid?

Inkubus: Not everybody gets a second chance - make the most of it.
Felix: For one thing if Warhammer ever sees you on the street he'll probably shoot you.
Titus: To be fair, that's a danger for everyone Warhammer meets.

Time to deal with the other loose end - the Johnson from Biogene that hired us to steal the data in the first place. The terrorists that hijacked the run are holding him at an Alamos 20K safehouse out in the Barrens. If we rescue him, he may prove grateful, especially after the FBI raid Biogene to arrest his terrorist-sympathiser superiors.

Happily, none of us have any particular qualms against killing NeoNazis - after all, they want to exterminate every nonhuman in the world, and they're just as phobic about magic.

GM: Magic is bad, m'kay?

Happily, their antipathy to magic means they have no defences against Felix and Inkubus scouting out the building Astrally. We even try to give the Johnson the heads-up about the imminent rescue.

Inkubus: Don't worry, we're coming to get you out.
GM: He's unconscious
Felix: Eh, it's the thought that counts.

GM: He's injured.
Warhammer: Oh, that must be painful.
Felix: ?
Labrat: Having your Johnson injured.
Inkubus: What is it with groin injuries and this group tonight?

Felix, Inkubus, Labrat and Warhammer set up to snipe, and Greenlight sneaks right past the guards without being noticed. One even fails to notice strolling past three feet away.

GM: He's too busy watching television - critical glitch XD
Greenlight: Sieg Heil!
Neonazi: *doesn't even look up* Ja, ja, Sieg Heil.
Titus: Probably watching Orc porn
Greenlight: Sounds about right

The rest of the team drop all the terrorists they can see, and Titus charges the building to introduce the survivors to his little friend the five-foot sledgehammer.

Titus: I run across the road. Straight at the wall. Ooh yeah!
Felix: You know, we really need to rename him Kool-Aid.
GM: You crash right through the drywall.
Felix: 60-year-old drywall.
Greenlight: Hulk smash!

GM: He didn't even get to the end of the sentence.
Greenlight: I'm not surprised - his pants were around his ankles.

Felix: So what were his last words before Titus got to him?
Greenlight: 'Protect me mien Fuhrer!'
Labrat: '....troll!'

Titus: To be fair, being responsible for twenty-five deaths isn't that different from your average Shadowrunner.

Greenlight: Add it to the list - hit a Neonazi so hard he explodes.

Greenlight: We exfiltrate, the Johnson over one shoulder.
Felix: Does the house explode behind you for no apparent reason?
Greenlight: Sure, why not.

We're just getting back to our vehicles when two nondescript Ford Americars roar up, and street samurai get out. They aren't reaching for weapons, so we refrain from the obvious response. And then Felix's grandfather, the Aztechnology exec, gets out.

This is going to be an interesting conversation...

[DusterBoy]

It will indeed

 

And going back a bit I wonder if Sister Bilitis looks anything like Patti d'Arbanville?

[Drhoz]

It will indeed

 

And going back a bit I wonder if Sister Bilitis looks anything like Patti d'Arbanville?

Very likely, although it was more a reference to the DOB and the poem the DOB named themselves after

[DusterBoy]

Oh, I see. Thanks for the info.

[Drhoz]

Inkubus's player: Any character played by Andrei starts with the maximum Disadvantage - 'played by Andrei.'

Greenlight's player: He was playing a Druid and refused to give his familiar a name. So we started calling it 'Class Feature'

Anyway - our team have successfully stolen data on a mutagenic virus developed by Aztechnology, and avoided the wrath of the megacorp, and the human supremacy group that tried to hijack our run. We even handed over a major neonazi to the FBI, drained the terrorist bank accounts, went back a second time to kidnap the scientist responsible, at the behest of the Orc Underground, and rescued the Johnson that originally hired us. So far, the job has been very profitable - indeed, we've been paid six times already.

And then Felix's grandfather the Aztechnology executive shows up. With any luck we can spin this into more pay.

Grandpa Bethke has already figured out Felix had something to do with the theft, but is apparently playing this convivially, inviting his grandson to dinner to discuss Felix's future.

Felix: My friends here are security consultants.

The other runners would quite like to know how Felix's grandfather and bodyguards managed to track them down.

Inkubus: Can I see your pocket secretary? Oh look, it's an Aztechnology device.
Greenlight: No f**king wonder he was able to find us!
Felix: It was a gift from my grandfather.

Inkubus' player: You do know why Aztechnology was added to the game, don't you? It's to give Shadowrunners someone to shoot that don't have to feel guilty about.
Felix: Eh, all propaganda by the other corps.
Inkubus: *frustrated laugh-groan*

Inkubus needles Felix about the fact they're housemates.

Inkubus: Why do I get the impression that you haven't told your Grandfather you're living with another man?

The restaurant for the meet-up is up-market, with a dress code.

Inkubus: I could go in the outfit Felix keeps accusing me of owning - arseless chaps and bow tie.
Titus: I'm going in my Mortimer of London outfit.
Inkubus: So you're dressed the way people think Silent Bob did?
Titus: ?
Inkubus: Mortimers make coats. And that's all.

The others are massively paranoid about the meet - the restaurant is Aztech-owned after all - but Felix is confident enough. After all, he wouldn't kill his own grandson, would he?


Felix: Aztechnology would be pissed if anybody started something here, anyway.
Inkubus: Unless they started it.
Felix: Even so, it would be embarrassing.
Inkubus: ... True.

Plus all the furnishings are high-end enough to be good armour and improvised weapons. So the cloak room and security scanners wouldn't make much difference, even if they'd actually worked as intended.

Felix: The Chef's special is always superb.
Titus: If it isn't the chef becomes the next special.
Felix: Try the pork.
Inkubus: Never try the pork.

Felix's granddad: I want you working right under me
Warhammer: *mutters* That's some kinky shit.
Inkubus: Damn you! I was managing to control myself and then you go and whisper that!

The offer Grandpa Bethke is here to broker is that Felix returns to work for Aztech full time, under his Grandfather's supervision, and his associates all get 500k Nuyen each - enough to leave them set for life. It's certainly tempting - we just have to return the data.

Pity we've already passed the data on - to a fourth party. We are holding on to a copy, to give to that Biogene Johnson once he regains consciousness, but no need to mention that.

Inkubus: We're oath-bound to pass the data on.
Felix: *looks apologetic*

Inkubus: It also sits in my aura for a year and a day yelling 'OATH-BREAKER!'

Grandpa Bethke doesn't believe Inkubus - he hasn't risen to management without knowing when someone is lying.

Felix: Speaking hypothetically - if a Hypothetical first party was in possession of hypothetically embarrassing data, and a second party acquired this hypothetical data, wouldn't it make sense for the first party to take advantage of the distance? Especially if the second party had embarrassing connections to a hypothetical third party, and was open to a takeover offer from the first party, and a hypothetical part of the second party was about to rise in the hierarchy of this hypothetical party?
Inkubus: I'm sorry - I'm usually good with parties, but you've lost me. Which party is which again?

Felix: I'm sure that my associates, being security consultants, can analyse the night's events. For a nominal fee from the discretionary budget.

Felix turns the job offer down.

Felix: I'd be willing to work freelance, but I don't think I'm temperamentally suited to a nine-to-five job anymore.
Inkubus: It's true - you're coping with the erratic sleeping hours much better these days.

Felix's granddad: Let me talk this over with my superiors.
Inkubus: Since he's a better bullshitter than I am he might even be able to make it fly - in fact, I'm going to assist

Inkubus: If I make an arse of myself people don't notice want I AM getting away with.

Felix's granddad: And what would they charge for this security report?
Felix: Just the standard consultancy fee.
GM: And what would that be?
Inkubus: 5000 each?
GM: He was going to offer you 20.
Felix: Eh, we're playing nice.
Inkubus: We're playing nice with the nice old man who is playing nice and didn't show up with a hit squad and the Jaguar Guard.

Felix: So if we include the free meal that means we got paid eight times for one job.
Inkubus: I would have settled for 'the chance to continue breathing'

Inkubus: Your bodyguards and those guys at the door need to go back to school. *shows the heavy ceramic pistol he smuggled in*
Greenlight: Teach me, oh master. Oh fine, if we're playing it this way. *shows the shock baton she smuggled in*
Felix: *shrugs apologetically* Security consultants.

Off to the hospital to let the original client know the good news - he'll still get the data, we saved his life, they're be some vacancies in the upper management coming up, and he'll be in a good position to take advantage of a buy-out offer that will soon be coming from Aztech.

The Johnson: Being punched that many times hurts.
Felix: Don't worry, they won't be hurting anybody ever again.
Greenlight: *stage-whispers* We killed them.
Warhammer: *stage-whispers* I see dead people.
Greenlight: *stage-whispers* Before you shoot them.
Titus: And Warhammer's a dwarf. Now I'm picturing a creepy voice coming out from under the bed.

The illo of the Johnson in the module earns a certain amount of mockery, given the 70s fashion sense and porn moustache.

Greenlight: He looks like a combination of a 70s crime drama and porn actor. 'Cleaning up the mean streets of 2050.'
Warhammer: Now I'm waiting for the pool scene.
Greenlight: John Walker, PI. I'm here to clean the pool - the gene pool.

Warhammer writes up a security report on all the ways Aztechnology failed, and all the ways that wall-softening catalyst can be abused. True, this will make life harder for anybody attempting a run against Aztech in the future, but we'll burn that bridge when we come to it. Now to spend our great big pile of cash!

Titus: I need to add a second level to the living quarters in my warehouse. And a giant heat rock for the naga.

Greenlight: I'm spending the money on my little brother.
Felix: His very own cyber-mastiff.

He'll also have a Naga as a babysitter.

Greenlight: I wouldn't feel right not paying you.
Naga: Eh, what am I going to spend it on?
Felix: Online shopping.
Greenlight: True. Online, nobody knows you're a snake.

Our fame in the shadows is now so high that people are coming out of the woodwork trying to make their reputations by calling us out. This shouldn't be a problem for Greenlight, given her many disguises, but as Felix points out, we do hang around with Inkubus, for whom 'attention' is as basic as need as oxygen. A nice simple job to get us out of our respective hide-outs will be nice, and Titus' bartender can hook us up with just the thing - a Run against a publishing house, on behalf of the well known fixer Mr Morlock.


Greenlight: When I said you needed a new Pocket Secretary I didn't mean get two and play Ponies on them.
Titus: It's Aztechnology's most popular brand.
Felix: And the really rich kids can get their very own genetically-engineered pony.
Pony: '..... Kill me.....'

Orcs: Oi, chummer - you're not needed here. Go back to the Barrens where you belong.
Titus: I'm bigger than them, and dressed better.
Greenlight: You really want to play things this way? I don't need Intimidation, I have a troll.

Mr Morlock: I am acting on behalf of a certain party.
Felix: Ah, it's the parties again.
Titus: We do a lot of work for parties.
Felix: Is it the first party or the second party?
Warhammer: I like parties.

Morlock wants us to steal the latest handwritten manuscript from some famous elven writer. It's currently in a safe in the head editor's office. We're also need to scramble their servers, just in case they're already made a digital copy.

Mr Morlock: Time is of the essence - you have a week.
Titus: That's the longest timeframe we've ever been given.
Greenlight: Holy shit, we can take our time on this one!

Mr Morlock: You do have a reputation for accomplishing jobs with a minimum of violence. I appreciate that.
Felix: *Mental image of Titus tackling a building.*
Titus: I was just picturing standing on a roof and going 'ok, make a hole'

Felix: I was going to go for exponential pay increase for early delivery. XD Get the job done today and he has to pay us the original fee to the power of seven.
Titus: Go straight there and make a hole in the building.
Greenlight: I think they want subtlety for this.
Titus: Ok, throw a brick through a window and follow up by throwing in Greenlight.

Instead our plan is to find out which delivery company is due to go to the publishers soon, hack our way into a job there, and arrive at the publishers in an expected truck, wearing actual uniforms and ID.

GM: You get uniforms, name badges, & their Employee video
Greenlight: What the hell, we'll watch it for a laugh
GM: There's a rap.
Greenlight: Willpower check.

Publishers Security: ID.
Greenlight: Sure thing, dude.
Security: It checks out.
Greenlight: Cool, dude.
Felix: Righteous.
Security: What you bringing in today?
Greenlight: That IKEA crap, dude.

Greenlight's player: I've got that hacking music from Shadowrun Returns stuck in my head now
Titus's player: I had a machete, the hacking music was different for me

Once inside, Titus and Warhammer start unpacking and assembling office furniture, while Greenlight and Felix step out of their overalls to reveal the office wear underneath, and the necessary props for the next stage.

Felix: Carry a piece of paper and look like we're supposed to be here XD

Publisher's secretary: You know it's Hawaiian Friday, don't you?
Felix: Sorry, we're new.

We loiter until the editor steps out for lunch, and discover her safe isn't electronic, it's an old-fashioned mechanical tumbler. We stare at it baffled for a moment.

Felix: It's 'swordfish', it's always swordfish.
Greenlight: I think I saw this in a movie once.

Greenlight manages to open it anyway. For some reason, the client warned us not to touch anything else in the office, which is a shame, since it also contains a black credit stick - i.e : an absolute fortune in untraceable funds.

GM: You press the display button - it contains 750,000 Nuyen
Felix: F**k!
Titus: If it's really a detonator, that would be a really nasty trick.

We resist temptation, with difficulty. Stuffing the manuscript into our shirts we head back downstairs for stage 2 - back into the overalls and carrying server racks to their server rooms. After that, corrupting their database is easy, although Felix distracts the guard.

Felix: *Singing loudly along to one of the Elementals's hits, out-of-tune*

Felix: We've just stolen the manuscript for The Deathly Hallows
Greenlight: Seventh Volume of A Song of Ice and Fire.
Titus: 'Oh, you liked this character, did you? Moohoohahaha.'

Felix browses through our acquisition - he did literature studies at college after all - but it appears to be a fairly tedious work by a famous elven writer, with ambiguous prophecy about the future of humanity.

Titus: This is all hippy-dippy bullshit.

Felix: And we get a paycheck from the delivery company too.
Greenlight: Ppffftt!
Felix: Paid twice for one job!
All: *happy dance*

Greenlight: I like your bartender - he always gets us the easy jobs.

Greenlight has her own fixer - she has a job for us too. The client wants to meet at a famous seafood place.

Ms. Kitty: How much do you like lobster?
Titus: Normal lobster or Giant Tank Lobster? Which actually aren't that dangerous, really.
Greenlight: I don't even know if I like lobster.
Felix: I do.
Greenlight: Get off the line!

Felix: Do they provide their own lobster bibs and claw spanners?

GM: For some reason despite being lowly Shadowrunners you keep going to the best restaurants in Seattle.
Felix: Since Shadowrun chic is in fashion at the moment... Shall we?
Titus: My Shadowrun outfit is body armour.
Greenlight: And you'll fit right in

Dressed as stereotypically as we can, we head to the restaurant.

Felix: It'll be nice to get away from all the people trying to make their reputations.
Greenlight: That's more Inkubus' problem.
Felix: But they hang out in the hallway every evening.
Greenlight: If he just loaded the air vents with tear gas like I told him...
Warhammer: I even offered to install it for him.

The client is hiring us for a job in the UK.

GM: He even offers to pick up the tab for the meal. He'd better.
Felix: Eh, we can afford it.
GM: He ordered four lobsters!
Felix: Eh, we can afford it.
GM: They're 3 grand each!
All: We can afford it!
Felix: We could afford lobster pizza every movie night.

Felix: He wants us to find an eleven-year-old boy with a scarred forehead and glasses. 'You may refer to the client as 'Mr No-nose'.
Greenlight: 'Filthy mud-bloods - oh wait, you're all magically active, never mind'

It's going to be a tricky Run - the UK in 2050 is even more of a surveillance state than they are in 2014. And their firearm, 'security consultant', and anti-magic laws are ridiculously harsh.

Felix: Well, that explains why there aren't any Shadowrunners in the UK
Greenlight: Yes, they're all in f**king jail!
Titus: And why there aren't any mages - they all said 'f**k this' and moved to the states.

But we're still confident. There don't seem to be any laws against Physical Adepts. And if Felix goes in as a bird watcher, that would explain the telescopes and binoculars. Plus, Aztech have a busy subdivision there, selling CCTV cameras to the Crown, which may provide a way out of the country should things go pear-shaped.

So it's off to the UK, to be obnoxious American tourists...

[Drhoz]

The final instalment of our efforts to turn a conventful of Sisters of Battle into a place run by nun, sodomy and the lash.

One thing potentially in our favour - the remains of St Recluse, in the convent's inner chapel. She, it turns out, was a psyker, something the Sisters very much don't want to be common knowledge, given the Imperium's attitude towards the gifted. They'd be even more unhappy if they knew the saint's spirit is still bound to her power armour, and has gone pretty much insane over the centuries. Cassius' plan is to talk her into taking that last step.

Jrska: Well, we've got something here that we don't entirely understand, and could be hellishly dangerous. Here, Aladar - go poke it with this stick.

The Celestan in charge of the convent-asylum has run off to deal with the desecration of one of the chapel relics. The warband are going over the chapel with a fine tooth comb, ostensibly to seek any other signs of corruption, in fact so they can get good images of the dead saint's armour, so we can craft a fake and Aladar can steal the original pauldron. It's Aladar's kleptomania that nearly dooms us.

He's at the top of the ladder when his hand brushes the armour. This is when the daemon he picked up on Q'sal, and that the rest of us were unaware of, decides to burn its way out of him and into the relic power armour. The dead saint screams, and so does Aladar.

Happily, Cog kicks the ladder out from under Aladar, severing the connection and as it happens cutting the daemon neatly in two. The saint eats one half, and the rest will bleed warpstuff into whatever weapon Aladar uses in future. So all that's OK. The problem is that one of the Sisters of Battle assigned to guard us saw it all happen.

Aladar: What did I do? What did I do?
Jrska: You fucked up. i.e. situation normal.

Naturally, we have to kill her before she can raise the alarm. And then frame her as the actual traitor. Cassius hands me the battle-nun's boltgun.

Cassius: Cherish this moment - shoot me.
Jrska: *pauses momentarily to memorise every sensation and image of what I'm about to do*

Jrska: So, out of all the warband members, which of us would have bet would blow our cover? *glances pointedly at Aladar*
Cassius: Actually, I had it even odds it would be him or you.

The Celestan is appalled that that really were traitors at the convent, and worse, one of her own guards. LOL.

Jrska: As I told you not a hour ago, the enemy is perfidious - they may come to as a friend, a trusted ally, or even in the guise of an agent of the Throne itself.
Cassius OoC: If you botch this it's because you're giggling too hard.

Just as well Cog implanted all those back doors into the security systems too, since he's going to have to edit all that camera footage. And, of course, we have to plant evidence convicting the dead nun. Having our 'Asset' Cassius stand guard of the body, while the Celestan and the rest of us review the footage, will give the space marine psyker a chance to pour mutating energies into the corpse. But not too much :

Jrska: If the body starts sprouting tentacles, they might wonder why they didn't notice in the showers. Or the volleyball courts. Just a little bit of corruption. A soupçon. XD

The Celestan: How could I be so blind!
Jrska: XD
Cog: Stop giggling.

Aladar's burn injuries are suspiciously weird, even for the overloading plasma weapon we blame them on. Jrska distracts attention from them by dismissing Aladar as expendable compared to 'the Asset'.

Jrska: It's an in-character reason for preferring Aladar to be dead.
Cassius: Not really - he has proven useful in the past.
Jrska: In character for the character my character is currently pretending to be

The edited footage includes plenty of extra static.

The Celestan: I thought this problem was fixed
Cog: I was rushed. *looks pointedly at the Celestan*
Cassius: Nice - put the blame on her.

The Celestan confesses about the true history of St. Recluse.

The Celestan: When this sector was being reclaimed for humanity a saint was raised, Saint Drusus, may he strike our foes - this is common knowledge. What is not well-known is the other saint. The Recluse. She is the reason why this section of space, this planet and this tower is under the rightful ownership of the God-Emperor, may he watch over us.
There was....there is a problem.
Knowledge is Power and it must be guarded well, in the wrong hands it can be as dangerous as any weapon, and as such the history of The Reclusive Saint is restricted even to members of the Inquisition. I apologise for withholding information which may matter for your case but I needed proof of infiltration. This sword - and the traitor - is clear indication that some unholy being, may they be cursed to damnation, has slipped our guard. Very well...

And the Celestan shows us the OTHER relic guarded by the convent-asylum-fortress - a biography and prophecy of the Recluse.

I Sister Andrase of the Holy Order of the Watch, Adeptus Soriatus, Loyal and faithful servant of the God-Emperor do swear that the following information is correct.
From what we can gather from the surviving records of the time, the saint referred to as The Recluse was a member of the Emperors’ Imperial Guard; on this planet and on too many others, a filthy Xenos civilisation dared stand up to the righteousness of man, with their filthy warp-spawned magiks they drew power and opened portals to outflank our faithful. The Recluse was part of a final push by the surviving Imperial Guard, Sisters of Battle and the few Angels that strode the battlefield. Their target; the citadel which once sat upon this very mesa, it was in this battle that our salvation and dilemma manifest. The Guardswoman later known as The Recluse was a nascent psyker, she herself may have not known, but alas such information is beyond me. Either way her psykic curse awoke on that battlefield and she took to the sky an avatar of fire and destruction. She proceeded to burn through to the enemies portal that lay at the centre of their stronghold. It was said that fires raged across the heavens as she burnt the entire xenos network from the inside. When others arrived they found her skin burnt black but eyes glowing gold with the Emperor's might. She was dead but yet she spoke, and all who heard laid claim that it was the Emperor who spoke through her; she was encased in the armour found in our reliquary, so that she may move. There is little information known after that; what is known is that she demanded this tower built and isolated so that it may hold 'those who are lost but of sound faith, those who still fight but are broken within' and wrote a guide to find those who shall dwell there.

There's also a prophecy, predicting that Joanna would be be the last Sister taken into the Convent-asylum, and more.

"The Machined and The Cog , more human than The Changed and The Cursed , shall seek the lost brothers of age; they will knock The Crown and see death fall upon a spike of Comfort, the soulless shall awaken and the changed will rise"

Now all that remains is to pick six - the number is sacred to Slaanesh - nuns to take with us, and finish the corruption of the remainder.

Jrska: I'll interrogate the guards and inmates to 'uncover suspects'. Teach them to embrace the pain as proof of their piety. Plant the idea that the sensation is the important thing.
GM: That might not work - they sort of do
Jrska: But I still get to flog naked battle-nuns - I go home happy either way XD
Cassius: *sigh*

Cassius picks six nuns to 'take back to Scintilla for further interrogation'. All in all, our mission has been so successful that over the next decade as the people of Voluptua offer worship to their increasingly deranged local saint, the entire population will pick up at least two spontaneous mutations - 36 points of corruption to everybody on the planet.

Cassius: We planted the seeds of doubt. In a convent.
Jrska: On a shrine world XD

Jrska: Slaanesh has leaned down from the heavens to pat us all on the head and say 'good little mortals'.
Cassius: All the gods are pleased - Slaanesh, obviously. Tzeench because of the mutations we'll have caused. Nurgle because of the despair when the populace gets increasingly frantic and their prayers just make things worse, and Khorne...
Jrska: Because of the carnage when the Imperium turns up to stomp the population flat.

Our rewards are profound - Jrska gets a daemon weapon. This is not necessarily a good thing.

Jrska: Submission is fun, but not all the time! Deamonweapons are a bit opinionated about which end of the arm is in charge.

Cassius is rewarded with Quasideamonhood.

Jrska: Halfway there, my lord!

Cassius: Being around all that piety was intensely annoying. Let's dedicate the next compact to Khorne so we can just kill something.

And so off to further ensure the ruination of the Imperium. The Navigator reports an annoying psychic presence hanging off the prow.

Cassius: Follow that saint.

And we have been, for days, when the ship is suddenly precipitated out of the Warp and crashes headlong into an Imperial Cruiser.

Jrska: I've bruised my coccyx. Hey, you - kiss it better.

Jrska: *paging the bridge* Aladar, sweety, what have you done?

Jrska: Warp engines aren't for propelling us through the Warp - they're for goatse'ing the fabric of space and time.

We've collided with the inert bulk of the Ardent Crown. That sounds suspiciously prophetic. It's also on a collision course with the planet Solace.

As in Leman's Solace? Where Cassius, back when he was still a loyal transhuman killer for the Emperor, once led a brutal purge of the planet's military as part of an action against a potentially rebellious Governor?

Alarming discovery - there's an Eldar ship docked to the far side of the wreck. And with us well and truly stuck until the work crews can cut us free, we're sitting ducks. Still, Cassius considers this an opportunity.

Cassius: The Eldar do not move so brazenly without the guidance of a Farseer. Therefore there is something on the Ardent Crown that they want. Therefore I want it.

And so off to kill Eldar - given that the collapse of the Eldar civilisation into superhuman debauchery created Slaanesh in the first place, I'm sure Jrska and the Xenos will have much to talk about.

[Drhoz]

Me: Did I tell you about the recent developments in Van's ponyfic?
Purrdence: ....no?
Me: He needed an obnoxious but charming character that's achieved a position of influence through sheer fluke. And then he thought of Ian.
Purrdence: Oh god no...
Me: Paddy McGinty has been ponified.
Purrdence: *doublefacepalm and muffled screaming*

[BlueCloud2k2]

Ramza the Belligerent (my character) woke up in bed with a pair of she-orc twins.

 

To himself: "Damn! How drunk was I last night? Ah well. Twins are twins."

[Drhoz]

In which things go quite well, right up until Cassius screws up even more spectacularly than Aladar has ever managed.

Our starship has been involved in a prang - it's currently jammed tight in the starboard macrocannon batteries of the Ardent Crown, an inert Imperial cruiser on a collision course with the hiveworld Solace.

Cassius: The primary objective is 'Get our ship free'. The second primary objective is 'not let Aladar drive'.
Aladar: Oi!
Jrska: That's just common sense.

Of course, gaining control of the Ardent Crown's engines and plowing it into Solace at solar escape velocity is also desirable - if we can rig the ship's warp engines to fire as it enters the atmosphere it will just add to the Chaos. Literally.

Complications - there's an Eldar ship off the port side of the cruiser.

Jrska: Personal objective - capture at least one Eldar alive to torture to death and beyond. I'm a big fan of the Eldar and I have so much to show them.
Aladar: Personal Objective - actually get to use my Hellhammer lascannon.

He might get the chance to, too - with suspensors and power armour, there's nothing stopping him from running up to somebody and using the lascannon on them at point blank range. Since we're dedicating this particular mission to Khorne, The Lord of Blood, he swears to make eight kills in His name. Jrska, on the other hand, finds a nice balance between the oath to the Skull Throne, and her own fealty to Slaanesh, the Prince of Pleasure. She'll take her fanatical retinue of followers along with her.

Jrska: After all, I have to have someone around to skullfuck.
Cog: *headdesk*

Before we head into the other ship, that Storm Crow Dreadnought that Jrska has been breaking in is begging to speak to her. By the looks of things, 12 months without sleep, and being a quadruple amputee anyway, is finally starting to break the space marine's will.

Dreadnought: Please! I beg you! Send me against anyone but my battle-brothers, I'll kill anyone you want me to, do anything you want me to do, just let me move again!
Jrska: Oh, I wish we could oblige you - I understand your need to spill blood, your need to feel arterial spray across sensors.... But I fear my Lord Cassius and the rest of us will be busy slaying the vile Xenos for a few hours and can't take the time to have you hooked up. But don't worry, I've got just the thing to keep you occupied. *switches Nyan-cat back on*
Dreadnought: Why does it have a hat?! I've seen to the end of this! Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-*mind finally breaks and he starts singing along*

Jrska: When we let him loose we'll have to edit his HUD so a Nyan-cat is pasted over everybody we want him to kill.

Cassius has the chastise the tech priests for 'borrowing' the dreadnought's assault cannon. They just couldn't resist the chance to play with such a finely engineered kill-machine.

GM: You don't understand the kind of thrill the Adeptus Mechanicus get out of firing an assault cannon.
Jrska: Oh, I understand that sort of geek appeal. After all, I'm very interested in Chymistry myself, and not just the recreational kind. Just thinking about hydrophilic end groups... *delighted shiver* Surfactant chemistry gets me wet.
Cog: *thinks about this, gets the pun, and winces in pure pain*

Jrska: I can do such fun things with an Eldar's spirit stone...
Cassius: * nods*
Jrska: So nice and smooth and rounded.
Cassius: ....Oh no
Jrska: Eldar Ben-wa balls.

Jrska's minions joyfully oil each up to slip through the air ducts.

Jrska: I supervise XD

Cassius: I'm too arrogant to be paranoid.
Jrska: And I likes surprises.

Cassius: The tech-priests are very paranoid about insects anywhere near their cogitators. They say the ancients spent much time dealing with the problem.
Cog: ?
Cassius: Bug checking.
Cog: *facepalm* My own cogitators must be running a bit hot today.
Cassius: Need more cooling fans, do you?

Predictably, we promptly get lost in the maze of the Ardent Crown's corridors.

Cassius: I'm used to having Scouts for this shit
Jrska: And I don't care, I like surprises.
Cog: That's your answer for everything 'half the crew is dead' ' I like surprises!'
Jrska: Slaanesh XD

We find evidence that the Eldar are, or have been, aboard - including Warp Spiders, Eldar warriors with teleporters and monomolecular webcasters. Worse, we also find scraps of armour and evidence that there are Tyranids aboard.

Cassius: They are rapacious. A force of nature. They can not be touched by The Emperor or Chaos. They exist only to strip worlds bare of life and convert it all into their own twisted kind.
Jrska: Well, that's no fun.
GM: I would make you roll a willpower check for your men, but you're terrifying.
Cassius: More terrifying than the Tyranids.

Aladar decides now is a good time to unpack the lascannon.

Cassius: My thought is 'now I don't need to keep monitoring Aladar's usefulness'. Because Cog and Jrska are of obvious utility, but I look at you and think 'why do I keep him around?'

We find the bridge, and hollowed out black space marine armour. Cassius is now genuinely perturbed.

Cassius: Deathwatch.
Jrska: My lord?
Cassius: The Deathwatch go in where armies fail. There are no finer warriors in the Imperium.
Jrska: And I'm thinking 'obviously my lord is unaware of the warriors of the Screaming Vortex and the Eye of Terror.' But I'm not going to say that.

Aladar: I pocket the pauldron.
Cog: Pocket!?
Jrska: Just wear it as a hat.

And then we're attacked by Genestealers. Cassius immolates two and goes to Cog's aid.

Cassius: I don't want them killing the guy that fixes my armour and that I'll need to rebuild my legion.
Cog: I'm sure you could find a replacement.
Cassius: Yes, then I'd have to break him in, train him, make sure he does whatever I say....

Jrska has a grand old time with her recently demon-enhanced neural whip 'Pain-tongue' - stripping exoskeletal plates, ribcage, and spine off the one that attacks her. Aladar, alarmed that somebody is going to steal one of his kills, tries to beat Jrska to the the next one. She just wants to see if she can decapitate somebody with a whip (the answer is 'yes').

Jrska: He's coming to rescue me, how sweet - I have him well trained. Now roll on your back so can run your belly, sweety.

Aladar: New goal for Jrska - seduce a Genestealer.
Jrska: Not possible, alas. Plus I don't particularly want a Genestealer's Kiss.
Aladar: Faceful of Alien Wing-wong.

Cog: I'm a bit worried about our ablative meatshield - i.e the crew.

Actually, the minions do pretty well, swamping the Genestealers with sheer numerical advantage and raging bloodthirstiness. Jrska tries on the dead Deathwatch marine's cloak.

Jrska: Do I look pretty?
Cassius: You look like someone who's going to be tripped over.

She keeps wearing it anyway, and have two of her minions carry the end like a bridal train.

Cassius: Yogurt. You know what yogurt really is? Cheese, not trying hard enough.

Cassius' player: We're thinking of getting a table to put the bar fridge on. Or an ottoman.
Jrska: I can see me doing that. Hiring a Turk to hold a fridge up. Or 'Come rest your feet on the Algerian poof'

We find the bulk of the Tyranid organisms nesting around the engine. Most of them are equipped with close combat biomorphs - great for fighting in the corridors, not so good for them in a chamber with long line of sight, and we have a lascannon. And Cassius has his psi abilities.

Cassius: This is why so many Imperial psykers turn to Chaos - these psychic powers actually have range.

Cassius: When in danger, when in doubt, run in circles - and set something on fire.

And this is when Cassius screws up. He risks Pushing one of his abilities - and is sucked screaming into the Warp. Normally, this would be instantly and unavoidably fatal, but since he earned Quasideamonhood last session this kind of thing was going to start happening anyway. He'll be back, sooner or later. Unfortunately, that Deamon that got trapped in his force staff gets left behind, much to its delight.

Cassius: I've decided to go poof. But not Algerian.
Jrska: So you opted to be sucked into the Warp.... And left that greater daemon from your staff behind you.
Cassius: I fail to see how this is my problem.

Jrska: My lord! You have achieved full deamonhood!
Deamon: Raarrgghhhhh!
Jrska: My lord?
Cassius' player: 'I am not that simpering fool!' You have to let me play this daemon.

This, and the surviving Tyranids are converging on us. Now would be a good time to start running....

[Lucius]

Jrska: My lord! You have achieved full deamonhood!

Deamon: Raarrgghhhhh!

Jrska: My lord?

Cassius' player: 'I am not that simpering fool!' You have to let me play this daemon.

You have to let him play that daemon.

 

Lucius Alexander

 

I have to let the palindromedary play

[Pegasus40218]

Pathfinder campaign.  The party finds themselves exploring the ruins of a keep.  We're looking into an area that looks like some sort of large animal pens.  Inside the pens, we see what appear to be giant severed hands.  The rogue moves forward cautiously to investigate further, when suddenly, the giant hands spring to life (think The Addams Family's "Thing" only he's about 10 feet long...and has 7 brothers).

 

As the hands prepare to attack, the monk in the party hollers to the rogue:  "Don't let them flank!  They'll give you the clap!"

[Michael Tisdel]

Monday's Monster Hunter International game - 

After cleaning out an old "haunted" building, the Hunters return to their base of operations in Hudson City to get a frantic call from the Monster Control Bureau. Apparently someone has compromised their containment facility outside of town and the MCB needs help.  Laughing all the way there, thinking of the irony of MHI helping MCB (and, of course, the PUFF bounty) the hunters arrive at the compound. They stop at the top of a low ridge to get an idea of what's going on. They see that there are a group of MCB agents in a defensible position holding off an assault from some dark leaping things and there are gunshots inside the large warehouse building. Just as they are about to dive in, a Shoggoth appears behind them and managed to lacerate the roof of their hummer.   

 

The first two hunters scurry for cover and take potshots and the monster. The third pulls a molotov cocktail out of his Bag of Tricks (™) and lobs it at the monster. 

 

He hits.

 

He rolls max damage.

 

The Shoggoth has vulnerability to fire; taking 2x damage from it.

 

The Shoggoth... 20' tall nightmare creature from beyond... goes up like flash paper.

 

And, we're done for the evening. The RPG session ends about 90 minutes early.  

 

Woof!

 

Next up, the hunters have to baby sit a group of Orcs who have come to town for a heavy metal festival - headlined by Blind Guardian....

with a special appearance by Baby Metal! 

[Hermit]

Barbarians who don't have performance skills probably shouldn't sing in battle, but on a pathfinder game I had fun with this...

 

 

"When I was just a lad, trying to figure out my place
on how to answer questions that had long plagued the Ulfen race
My Grampa said to me, worn helm upon his brow
"My kin I know that look, you're asking why and how...
Not knowing all the answers, that's simply no disgrace
but an answer that almost always works is Axe to the face!"

"Axe to the face my boy, axe to the face!
Many a primal warrior has used it successfully in debate
For it severs a smug foe's silver tongue
And fights over land, or a maiden's hand
There's nothing like an enemy's head on a plate!"

"Trouble with the bill?"
"Axe to the face!"
"Tricked by a shill?"
"Axe to the face!"
"Bored and need a thrill?"
"Axe to the face!"

"Well, I heeded my grandda's advice
beyond his dying day
And it's amazing how well it works in each in every way
Axe to the face, my friends, Axe to the face!"
"Not knowing all the answers? That is simply no disgrace!"
"But the answer that almost always works is Axe to the face!"

 

the reactions of the other player characters varied wildly ... I may have scarred a few.

[Drhoz]

The team is heading off to the UK, despite the surveillance state, draconian laws, and the fact the entire country is secretly run by Druids.

Felix: It was more of an excuse to get out of town for a while. The number of gunslingers coming after you to prove themselves was getting annoying.
Inkubus: Were they female and hot?

Our metal Mage also has misgivings about the climate in Scotland.

Inkubus: You guys are so insistent on getting me one day to wear a shirt.

The team busy themselves getting ready - in Felix's case, the props and books and trivia he'll need to pass as a birdwatcher.

Inkubus: I'm heading down to DocWagon's to get my venereal shots. If you're going in as a bird watcher, and they ask 'are you own too?' I want to at 'sure, here's my papers.... You do call them birds over here, don't you?'.

Felix: What the hell is a Cosmic Mindf**ker?
Inkubus: I don't think there is such a thing.
Greenlight: Will you be quiet? I'm on the phone!
Inkubus: She'll think you're out with me with a comment like his.

But since it'll be a week until our fake Ids, visas, and tickets can be arranged, we accept the offer of a job in the mean time (more to the point the game was three players short, so the GM had to bring another scenario forward). Plus, a little extra pocket money for the trip will be nice.

The client wants to meet at a wildly stereotypical Japanese-themed club.

Inkubus: If the doormat starts sprouting haiku I'm out of here.

Greenlight: Hey, Bubbles - you know the difference between you and me? I had an alias picked out when we met.

The club serves wild-caught tuna.

Felix: Hang about, I want to run the mercury wand over this.

Client: Have you ever herd of the Policlub 'Association Paranobilis'?
Inkubus: Do I get to f**k with them? Do I get to f**k with them? Do I get to f**k with them?
Client's fixer: ...yes?
Inkubus: I used to be one of them. Elven lifestyle supremacists and wannabes. Riding around on swords and waving unicorns and that shit.

GM: They've been killing elves that don't live up to their standards of skipping through meadows singing.

The unidentified client wants us to assassinate a number of the APN leadership, and as many of the others as we can, with a bonus if we leave a certain letter with the bodies, and bring back the tips of their surgically altered ears. We decline to do the last - we'll kill them, but we won't mutilate them, even if they are arseholes. We have SOME standards.

The APN are certainly worth mockery and contempt - not least because of their eschewing of modern technology, and especially weaponry. Inkubus is more cautious.

Inkubus: Don't knock a bolas, that shit can f**k you up.

The APN is in the shadow of the Renraku arcology.

Felix: The place where the sun don't shine.

Felix check the letter we're supposed to read - it's the front page of that manuscript we stole from the publishers. That probably explains why we were hired for this job, but it doesn't pay in this business to be TOO inquisitive. Plus, we'll be out of the country when the shit hits the fan, hopefully.

Inkubus: Hold these.
Greenlight: A Mage with three guns?
Inkubus: Happiness is a warm gun.

Inkubus uses the Fashion spell to redesign his clothes to fit in to the Policlub.

Greenlight: I take back everything I said - you DID learn fashion sense after you left these arseholes.

Inkubus: I'm going to need help with this...
Felix: Is this where you quote more Beatles songs?

Inkubus: I have no problem with you calling these guys PEGs
Greenlight: The only elf slur I've heard is knife-ears and that just sounds badass.
Inkubus: They call them dandelion-eaters around here.
Greenlight: Never heard of it - and I've seen you put some weird stuff in your mouth.
Felix: Hey, dandelion leaf salad is bloody good, ok.
Greenlight: Alright, dandelion-eater.
Inkubus: Actually, he's right - his dandelion salad is really good - you should try it. And this is the perfect conversation to be having when we walk in

And indeed, that's what we do, walking in the door like we own the place, overwhelming the guards with Inkubus' silver tongue and knowledge of elven 'culture'.

GM: They're wearing studded armour and carrying swords.
Felix: And they're Lvl 20 bards, every one.

Greenlight: And Inkubus has to resist prancing around like Peter Pan.

Guard: Did you hear that, that guy was speaking Sparathiel!
Greenlight: 'I'm so freaking hard right now!'

Greenlight: These guys better not have made Tolkien an honorary elf.
Felix: Too late.
Inkubus: And all the banners are in Quenya. *headdesk*

Greenlight: You have to admit they take their LARPing seriously.
Inkubus: The only problem is people die.

Greenlight: What was the proper Elven name for Elrond's domain?
Inkubus: ....* Hisses* I wouldn't f**king know.

Greenlight: I'm sorry, but hippies don't kill people - this is a cult.
Inkubus: Tell it to Charles Manson

Our swing through the building is interrupted by a young elf girl, who apparently is allowed to wander the building, sleeping on couches, except when the Policlub can actually bother to notice her. We are righteously annoyed at this evident neglect, and plan to get her out of the building before we start shooting people in the face.

Felix: Your little brother is going to need a playmate.
Greenlight: My little brother could break someone's arm.... This is going to be such a f**ked-up family.
Inkubus: Who said you get to keep her? ... Actually you're right, I'd be a terrible father

Inkubus amuses the child with a summoned Watcher spirit. Tinkerbell from the movie in polished chrome instead of green, jet black hair, and lots of piercings.

GM: There's a little parking lot.
Greenlight: Do they have Flintstone cars?
GM: Bikes.
Greenlight: Heresy. I'm pretty sure Elrond's didn't have a bicycle.


GM: Part of the garage has been converted into a stable for at first glance appears to be a unicorn.
Greenlight: At first glance a donkey with a ice cream cone on it's head would pass.

GM: I don't even know why the girl is even in this module.
Felix: To make us feel guilty is we just blow up the building.
Greenlight: Seeing a girl running around on fire after we nuke the place WOULD be pretty dark, even for Shadowrun.

GM: You don't see many red-headed elves.
Inkubus: Praise be for the long Elven lifetime. I can afford to wait.
Greenlight: .... No. NO. Just f**king NO.

We return to the foyer to abuse the guards about the neglect of the girl, and threaten to come back and give a very harsh appraisal of the policlub's standards of proper elven behaviour.

GM: I hate it when I feel as guilty as the NPC

Guards: Audit? Audit? What's an audit? Oh f**k, they audit!? I know what we do to people we don't think are elven enough!

We drop the girl off at Titus'.

Greenlight: You know what a naga is? They're the coolest babysitters ever!
Inkubus: Just don't pull on his tail, they don't like that.

The child isn't stupid - certainly she's smarter than the guards - and she's already figured out we're actually hunting people. She does ask us not to kill the Woman in Red, since that one is occasionally kind to the girl, and has expressed misgiving about the policlub's various murders. Awkward, since she's one of the targets, but I'm sure we can come up with something.


Driving back to the APN to carry out the kills. Greenlight and Inkubus discuss a woman they've been calling the Bubblegum Orc.

Greenlight: That's what you call Distinctive Style. She's a perfect match for you.
Inkubus: You're right. I think I might actually be considering becoming a one-woman elf... Actual mono... Monog... Monog... Mon.
Greenlight: Monogamy.

The guards, as we hoped, have fled their posts ahead of their threatened audit. After that, it's easy for us to sneak through the building, magically disguised or invisible, silencers and gun-cams ready.

One of the bodyguards gets picked off while he's using the toilet facilities.

Felix: Is he targeting the Jar-Jar Binks urinal puck?

We find the Woman in Red asleep in her room. She is somewhat alarmed to find three gunbarrels prodding her in the head.

Greenlight: Hi. Twenty-first century calling.

Inkubus: You know why we're here. We're here to kill you. But you've been lucky - you have an advocate - someone who's asked us to spare your life. So, is it true? Are you against the killings? Because if it is we're going to give you a second chance.

She agrees (but who wouldn't, at this point) so Greenlight fakes a few bulletholes with her makeup kit, Felix shoots her with gel rounds so we have gun-cam proof of the hit, and we press on - we'll pick her up on the way out.

Inkubus and Greenlight also shoot somebody that attempts magic on them. Not because he was a magician, but because he was out of his gourd on Better Than Life chips and the two magic-users are personally affronted by this travesty.

Inkubus: I've done some bad things. My friend over there has done some bad things as well, but he's gone out of the way to do good things too, and his life isn't as f***ed up as mine.
Felix: Donated to the 'Save the Northwest Tree Octopus' fund.
Inkubus: Maybe there's something to this Karma thing.

Inkubus tries to summon a metal spirit to conceal our progress. Given this is a former fire station, maybe he can summon a fireman-slash-nude calendar model? He and Inkubus can compare pecs.

The spirit proves difficult to summon. Perhaps the way Inkubus wanted its aid against elven posers, and Inkubus is elven himself, was complicating things.

Greenlight: This firefighter is racist as f**k.

Inkubus: I'm picturing the Old Spice guy. 'Look at him. Now look at me. Sadly, I'm the elf you can't be. But you can smell like me.'

Magically shrouded by Old Spice Guy, we press on. Two of the Policlub members are enjoying themselves in the shower. This earns a thumbs up from Purrdence, in the Peanut Gallery. They're both male, earning two thumbs up.

We consider the scene for a while, before Greenlight advances. Inkubus hopes she isn't about to kill them both.

Inkubus: You want their last thought in life to be being cockblocked?

Instead, she uses the shock baton somewhere sensitive.

Inkubus: In a few years we're going to hear about an elf that used to be in a poser gang, who gets to the verge of orgasm and then needs his partner to hit him with a cattle prod.

GM: Roll dodge.
Greenlight: Dodge what?!?!

Inkubus: You know how hard it is -
Greenlight: I don't want to hear about how hard you are!

Inkubus: You're the first Shadowrunner I've heard of that's had to dodge an ejaculation.
Felix: I filmed it all with my phone XD
Greenlight: I'm tasering you next

GM: You have one remaining target - he's down in the basement.
Felix: The unicorn?
Greenlight: The unicorn was the mastermind the whole time!

We collect the Woman in Red and have the spirit expand its invisibility effect over all of us.

Felix: Otherwise there's be some very odd looks as her body floats past.
Greenlight: And they can't quite see us.
Felix: I suppose we could always do the Weekend at Bernie's thing with her.

Greenlight: He's probably sleeping with the unicorn - wouldn't put it past him.
Felix: Unicorn f**kers - new name for them.
Inkubus: For elf posers, anyway.

Job down, we head off to collect the rest of the money - only the one paypacket for this job. And, indeed, it's lacking the bonus bounty on ears.

Felix: If the client is annoyed about not getting the ears, I do have have film footage he might find amusing, anyway XD

Felix: You know, we may have just killed those wannabes on behalf of an actual elf supremacist.
Greenlight: Do you care?
Felix: Not particularly. The pay was good.

[BlueCloud2k2]

[Houston GM]

He does have a certain amount of social justice in his make-up. Such as when snipers would set up shop on the cliff tops to kill re spawning players.

[...]

At this point more than one of the snipers has recoiled right off the cliff.

 

That reminds me of a couple things I pulled in MMOs. (In general, names have been changed ... because I can't remember them.)

 

-------------------------

 

in Everquest (the original one)

 

I was running my bard (Staccato) through West Freeport (one of the starting cities), when I heard the following...

 

Newbie: "Everyone watch out! There's a druid killing noobs in the arena!!!"

Dr00d: "free druid buffs in the arena"

 

I checked the list of players in the zone, and the Dr00d was the second highest level player ... a 34th level druid.

The highest level player was Staccato ... a 60th level bard.

 

The list didn't mention that Staccato worshiped the Tribunal ... the gods of justice.

 

What happens when a follower of the Tribunal discovers that a druid is making false promises in order to trick newbies into getting killed?

What happens when the druid announces that he's located in a free-for-all PvP Arena?

 

Staccato entered the Arena invisibly. The Dr00d didn't notice Staccato until Staccato charmed him. When you're charmed, your avatar responds to all the normal pet commands. Some of them are lots of fun in PvP.

Dr00d: "Staccato is my master."

Dr00d: "Staccato is my master."

Dr00d: "Staccato is my master."

Staccato: "You got that right."

 

Charm only lasts for 30 seconds, and you have to wait for it to break before you can reapply it. I was a little worried that the Dr00d might escape when charm broke, so I quickly switched over to mezzing him ... because I could do that forever.

 

Well, maybe not forever. After about 5 minutes, the Dr00d decided that he could disconnect from the internet, which would disconnect him from the game and log him out. Of course, his avatar stayed in the game for another 15 seconds. How long do you think it takes a 60th level bard to kill a 34th level druid?

 

Less than 15 seconds.

 

Staccato: using guildchat "There was a druid offering free buffs to newbies in the Freeport Arena, then killing them."

Guildmember #1: "That's horrible."

Guildmember #2: "I ought to go there and kill him."

Staccato: "Too late. I beat you to it."

Guildmembers: "lol"

 

Two minutes later...

 

Dr00d: in a private message "u killed me"

Staccato: "Yep. If I catch you killing newbies again, I'll kill you again."

Dr00d: "u made me lose xp."

This was surprising. PvP kills aren't supposed to cause XP loss.

Staccato: "Serves you right."

Dr00d: "i reported u to the gms"

Staccato: "For killing you in the Arena? Let me know when they laugh in your face."

Dr00d: "im goin 2 report u 2 ur guild get u kicked out"

Staccato: in guildchat "The druid is back. He wants to report me to my guild."

GuildOfficer #1: "Give him my name. I want to tell him off."

GuildOfficer #2: "Me too."

GuildOfficer #3: "Definitely give him my name."

Staccato: in a private message to the Dr00d "Several officers are online. Would you like a list of names?"

 

-------------------------

 

In City of Heroes

 

This took place in The Hollows, which is a low-level zone. The Hollows were very dangerous to travel through. There were obstructed lines of sight, so you could run into enemies before you spotted them. The enemies hung out in large groups, capable of quickly killing most newbies. And newbies didn't have advanced travel powers (Fly, Superspeed, Superleap, Teleport), which would help them cross the zone quickly and safely.

 

Newbies could get access to low level travel powers (i.e. Hover, Recall Friend). Even though Hover was painfully slow (slower than walking, and who does that in an MMO) it was popular because it was the only safe way to get yourself across The Hollows. Recall Friend was also useful. It allowed you to teleport your teammates to a spot near you. If you could get to the entrance of the mission (without dying), you could safely bring your teammates to the mission. This saved time, since newbies would sometimes die multiple times when trying to get to missions.

 

Good samaritans would also offer to use Recall Friend to help newbies leave The Hollows. You would invite them to your team, they would teleport you to a spot near them (and they'd be near the zone entrance), and you'd safely leave.

 

On the day this occurred, I was playing my Warshade. Warshades were a prestige class, and they got one perk that set them apart at low levels ... Warshades got the Teleport power for free at level 1. I had also chosen the Recall Friend skill, since it's useful for helping teammates.

 

...

 

I was using Teleport to leave The Hollows one day, and I noticed something strange. Near the entrance, there was someone standing on top of the guard tower, and there were several heroes inside the guard tower. The person on top of the guard tower wasn't too strange. Newbies could hover to get to the roof of the guard tower. But it wasn't possible for people to run, jump or fly through the windows of the guard tower. They weren't big enough.

 

I watched for a few minutes until I figured out what was going on. The windows were big enough to teleport through. One person had used Hover to get to the roof of the guard tower. He then offered to team up with people and use Recall Friend to help them leave The Hollows. The inside of the guard tower was close enough to the roof for him to dump the newbies inside. Once they were there, he would disband from the team and they were stuck.

 

I snuck back out into The Hollows, and pretended like I needed a ride out. He used Recall Friend to dump me into the guard tower -but- as soon as I landed in the guard tower, I used Recall Friend to teleport him right next to me. He disbanded, then realized he was stuck inside with everyone else. I then invited all of his victims to team up with me. I used Teleport to get out of the guard tower, then used Recall Friend to get everyone else out too.

 

Except for the "hero" who had pulled the stunt. I left him there.

[BlueCloud2k2]

That reminds me of a couple things I pulled in MMOs. (In general, names have been changed ... because I can't remember them.)

 

-------------------------

 

in Everquest (the original one)

 

I was running my bard (Staccato) through West Freeport (one of the starting cities), when I heard the following...

 

Newbie: "Everyone watch out! There's a druid killing noobs in the arena!!!"

Dr00d: "free druid buffs in the arena"

 

I checked the list of players in the zone, and the Dr00d was the second highest level player ... a 34th level druid.

The highest level player was Staccato ... a 60th level bard.

 

The list didn't mention that Staccato worshiped the Tribunal ... the gods of justice.

 

What happens when a follower of the Tribunal discovers that a druid is making false promises in order to trick newbies into getting killed?

What happens when the druid announces that he's located in a free-for-all PvP Arena?

 

Staccato entered the Arena invisibly. The Dr00d didn't notice Staccato until Staccato charmed him. When you're charmed, your avatar responds to all the normal pet commands. Some of them are lots of fun in PvP.

Dr00d: "Staccato is my master."

Dr00d: "Staccato is my master."

Dr00d: "Staccato is my master."

Staccato: "You got that right."

 

Charm only lasts for 30 seconds, and you have to wait for it to break before you can reapply it. I was a little worried that the Dr00d might escape when charm broke, so I quickly switched over to mezzing him ... because I could do that forever.

 

Well, maybe not forever. After about 5 minutes, the Dr00d decided that he could disconnect from the internet, which would disconnect him from the game and log him out. Of course, his avatar stayed in the game for another 15 seconds. How long do you think it takes a 60th level bard to kill a 34th level druid?

 

Less than 15 seconds.

 

Staccato: using guildchat "There was a druid offering free buffs to newbies in the Freeport Arena, then killing them."

Guildmember #1: "That's horrible."

Guildmember #2: "I ought to go there and kill him."

Staccato: "Too late. I beat you to it."

Guildmembers: "lol"

 

Two minutes later...

 

Dr00d: in a private message "u killed me"

Staccato: "Yep. If I catch you killing newbies again, I'll kill you again."

Dr00d: "u made me lose xp."

This was surprising. PvP kills aren't supposed to cause XP loss.

Staccato: "Serves you right."

Dr00d: "i reported u to the gms"

Staccato: "For killing you in the Arena? Let me know when they laugh in your face."

Dr00d: "im goin 2 report u 2 ur guild get u kicked out"

Staccato: in guildchat "The druid is back. He wants to report me to my guild."

GuildOfficer #1: "Give him my name. I want to tell him off."

GuildOfficer #2: "Me too."

GuildOfficer #3: "Definitely give him my name."

Staccato: in a private message to the Dr00d "Several officers are online. Would you like a list of names?"

 

-------------------------

 

In City of Heroes

 

This took place in The Hollows, which is a low-level zone. The Hollows were very dangerous to travel through. There were obstructed lines of sight, so you could run into enemies before you spotted them. The enemies hung out in large groups, capable of quickly killing most newbies. And newbies didn't have advanced travel powers (Fly, Superspeed, Superleap, Teleport), which would help them cross the zone quickly and safely.

 

Newbies could get access to low level travel powers (i.e. Hover, Recall Friend). Even though Hover was painfully slow (slower than walking, and who does that in an MMO) it was popular because it was the only safe way to get yourself across The Hollows. Recall Friend was also useful. It allowed you to teleport your teammates to a spot near you. If you could get to the entrance of the mission (without dying), you could safely bring your teammates to the mission. This saved time, since newbies would sometimes die multiple times when trying to get to missions.

 

Good samaritans would also offer to use Recall Friend to help newbies leave The Hollows. You would invite them to your team, they would teleport you to a spot near them (and they'd be near the zone entrance), and you'd safely leave.

 

On the day this occurred, I was playing my Warshade. Warshades were a prestige class, and they got one perk that set them apart at low levels ... Warshades got the Teleport power for free at level 1. I had also chosen the Recall Friend skill, since it's useful for helping teammates.

 

...

 

I was using Teleport to leave The Hollows one day, and I noticed something strange. Near the entrance, there was someone standing on top of the guard tower, and there were several heroes inside the guard tower. The person on top of the guard tower wasn't too strange. Newbies could hover to get to the roof of the guard tower. But it wasn't possible for people to run, jump or fly through the windows of the guard tower. They weren't big enough.

 

I watched for a few minutes until I figured out what was going on. The windows were big enough to teleport through. One person had used Hover to get to the roof of the guard tower. He then offered to team up with people and use Recall Friend to help them leave The Hollows. The inside of the guard tower was close enough to the roof for him to dump the newbies inside. Once they were there, he would disband from the team and they were stuck.

 

I snuck back out into The Hollows, and pretended like I needed a ride out. He used Recall Friend to dump me into the guard tower -but- as soon as I landed in the guard tower, I used Recall Friend to teleport him right next to me. He disbanded, then realized he was stuck inside with everyone else. I then invited all of his victims to team up with me. I used Teleport to get out of the guard tower, then used Recall Friend to get everyone else out too.

 

Except for the "hero" who had pulled the stunt. I left him there.

 

Ah, Justice served.

[Steve]

Houston GM, those were epic. Thanks for sharing.