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Quote of the Week from my gaming group...


Darren Watts

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Shadowrun : Paradise Lost
September 2052 - The party have decided to take a sudden holiday. True, Renraku corporation might think we're dead, what with the nuke and all, but a low profile might be a good idea. So we'll be lounging around on a beach in Hawaii until the Red Samurai watching our apartments get bored and go home.

It's certainly more pleasant than hiding in Seattle and hiding in cheap dives with cheaper beer.

Greenlight: Cheap beer? I hang out at Panzerwaffle! F**k your cheap beer!
Inkubus: I got banned from Panzerwaffle, becase of the hourly weapons check. Personally, I think they're jealous. It's not my fault my d*ck is the best weapon the party has.

Inkubus: *escorted from Panzerwaffle, shirtless, between two trolls, singing* I'm, too sexy, for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt....

And a completely out of context quote from the troll.

Titus: Just because I bought more warehouse space is not an excuse for people to fill it with elephants.

But we won't be using our own boat - Renraku will probably be looking for it, too. So it's disguise, false Ids, and flying to the island kingdom on a newly acquired plane.

Felix: If we ever get a zeppelin I expect at some point to cry "Oh the metahumanity!'

And as we enjoy ourselves the Renraku operatives watch from the empty buildings opposite our empty homes.

Renraku Agent One: You'll never see the dwarf.
Renraku Agent Two: Why?
One: He's a sniper.
Two: Oh. Well that's not too bad.
One: And you'll never see the human.
Two: Why?
One: They're a master of disguise. They could be anybody. That's why we're not wearing masks.

And the empty pot noodle containers start piling up.

Two: What's that smell?
One: Oh, I needed the containers. For something.
Two: Dude! We HAVE a toilet!

September is the least popular time to visit Hawaii, thanks to the temperature.

Felix: At least the hotel rooms are cheap.

Felix: So have any of islands been set up as Jurassic Park yet?
Greenlight: Don't tempt me.

Inkubus has all sorts of improvements planned for his plane.

Inkubus: I want it to be my Love Castle in the Sky.

Inkubus: I used to be a air chauffeur, but I had to get out of the business.
Felix: So when was the first time you fucked someone while flying a plane?
Inkubus: *thinks* Well. ... no, she was earlier... after... Oh right - my flight instructor, first time out.

GM: There's something weird about Hawaii - there's sunlight.
Felix: The Daystar! It burns!
Inkubus: The sky! It's blue! I know they told us to colour it like that when we were kids, but...
Felix: You thought it was artistic license?

Felix: What are those berries Pele likes? We probably want to stay on the right side of the local fire goddess while we're here.
Inkubus: Are you sure you want to take the risk of ME possibly coming into contact with the local goddess?
Titus: *has panic attack*

We enjoy the good life and sunburn for a few days.

Felix: Coming out of tourist shops with armfuls of stuff.
Inkubus: You do - I come out with armfuls of the local girls.

One evening, enjoying the entertainment and open bar at the Kona Kalaa Luau, we're interrupted by an elven woman running across the dining area pursued by three humans and an ork. She drops a parcel on Greenlight en route - who dodges, fearing C.O.D deliveries of grenades from Renraku.

Felix: Unusual sort of cabaret they have in these places *sips from pineapple*

It's a job offer, from somebody who knows our rep. Although the messenger apparently needs our help. Titus picks up the two mages and we set off in pursuit.

Inkubus: Wait, I'm being given permission to chase after a tall Elven girl? *pursues, tongue lolling*

Inkubus: Do we ever do any actual work on one of our jobs?
Felix: We're not that Ork Underground team.
Greenlight: It's been two days, I'm tired of holidays! I never knew I was such a workaholic.
Inkubus: I'm not sure I ever could be debauched out. When i think i've plumbed the depths I break through and find even more.

Inkubus: You've given me an idea for my next holiday - two weeks, and fourteen doses of that amnesia drug.
Greenlight: He calls it the Jason Bourne package. We wipe his memory, drop him somewhere in the Middle East, and when he figures out who he is he comes home.

Pursuing the group down the street -

Felix: We didn't pay our bill
Titus: It was a banquet - we paid on the way in.
Felix: Good point.
Greenlight: Frankly I think we were the ones that got ripped off.

Greenlight and Titus (despite the additional load) easily overtake the group. Titus intends to pick up the elf as we do so.

Inkubus: Charging Mah LAZEEERRRRRRR!
Greenlight: You should yell to the humans as you overtake 'You do realise I'm carrying two mages, right?'
Felix: Do we need to start singing the Katamari Damacy theme at this point? If you're collecting everything we run over?

Titus stops dead.

Felix: And does the ork manage to stop?
Inkubus: One way or the other he will be.

The pursuers pause to econsider their careers, and actually leave.

Greenlight: 'My subordinates are getting shock batons to the groin - I'm out'
Inkubus: Don't knock it til you've tried it.
Greenlight: 'I'm going back to surfing'

Serena, the elf, thanks us for rescuing us from the 'discipline team' sent to chastise her for accepting the courier job. Her gang patch is 'Haoles Don't Surf'.

Inkubus: I'm trying to think what gave us away as Shadowrunners - I think it's the way that whenever we entered a room we checked all the corners.

Greenlight: You ever had the feeling you want something, but don't know what it is? I think I want a holiday...
Inkubus: But you don't know how to have one?

Greenlight: *sighs* Let's go have our holiday.
Inkubus: A working holiday. Defined as 'working in a holiday setting'

La Maison D'Indochine is a very high-end and elegant restaurant. Just as well we packed our best suits.

Titus: We do tend to do the high-paying jobs. Sometimes because they're bullshit difficult, and the rest of the time it's for dragons who have to pay extra before anybody will agree to work for them.

Felix: The string quartet are playing Pachelbel's Canon, and the cellist has this expression ಠ_ಠ
Inkubus: D, A, B, F Sharp, G, D, G, A
Greenlight: What?
Inkubus: Cellist's part. Repeat indefinitely.
Greenlight: Oh, I thought you were trying to learn the alphabet.

The Johnson is a woman in her mid-30s, exuding an air of innocence.

Inkubus: An air of niceness so complete it makes the idea of violence against her seem-
Titus: Entertaining?

Felix: Before we accept the job how did you know we were here? That sort of operational leak is of concern to us.
Inkubus: We're supposed to be on holiday... Actually all it takes is one guy to recognise us.
Felix: 'Hey, it's that guy that had the Renraku heads!'
Inkubus: *wince* and the shiteating grin.
Renraku Underling: Sir, we have found-
Frothing Renraku Exec: Silence! We will find them with spies!
Renraku: But sir, he is trending on Facebook!

The job is to investigate the theft of a product known as an "AFD". to develop it, the Johnson's client company entered into a joint venture with a company called 2M to develop it. Two weeks earlier, the client company and 2M met at the latter's corporate offices in Honolulu, when an assault team showed up, stole the prototypes and files, and assassinated everyone present. We need to investigate the theft, find the culprit, and retrieve the prototypes.

And 2M's Head of Security is a Feathered Dragon.

Felix: Another f**king dragon????

Off to the skyraker where the attack happened.

Greenlight: All this talk of the 34th floor means I'm going to throw somebody out the window. If I can.

Inkubus: I'm going back to the elevator and squeezing the rest of my...
Felix: Lube?
Inkubus: Sunscreen, over the floor. Just in case there's a security team coming up after us.

There's a thumb-scan lock on one of the doors. So we make a Titus-shaped hole in the wall. Felix hears something move in one of the other offices.

Felix: What was that noise? No, the other noise.

It's a nervous guy with a gun. Greenlight appears a foot away.

Greenlight: Hi.
Nervous Guy: Fuck! Hands up! Where I can see them!
Inkubus: *snickers* Sure. Not a problem. Orgasm.
Greenlight: Is that wise when he's holding a gun on us?
Felix: He shoots. Twice.

Nervous Guy was already logged into the computers - helpful. He's the Vice-president of Accounts Management.

Greenlight: An Ares Predator for self-defence, at the Office? I can't imagine why. *sarcasm off*
Felix: Were you here during the attack?
Inkubus: He's alive, of course he wasn't.
Felix: Good point. WHY weren't you present?

Then Titus accidentally sets off the alarm. Just before the strike team open the elevator door, startling everybody including them. And as they rush in, they hit the sunscreen on the floor and go arse-over-tits.

Inkubus: You know what we call this sort of situation? Stunball practise. I'm just glad it's not a septuagenarian nightwatchman. 'Argh, my hip!'

Greenlight effortlessly picks them all off with gel rounds. None of them are wearing uniforms, but it’s possible they're the replacements for the murdered security. On the other hand, at least one of them was a shaman, and another suspiciously unarmed.
Our new captives include one Mark, the President of Accounts.

Inkubus: This is sad - these guys thought they were shadowrunners. Hey, Mark, were you diddling the company? Mindprobe.

Greenlight: I wonder if their street samurai is just a guy with a plastic arm.
Felix: Winter Soldier cosplayer.

Mark IS working with Aloha, a Hawaiian terrorist organisation – those AREN’T the new security team he’s with. They were after the AFD - the Anti-Flatline Device, a biofeedback filter first devised by Mary Falls Inc in Seattle. Possibly the first ever built. But he doesn't know who raided 2M, apart from the fact it wasn't Aloha, but Aloha somehow ended up with the info anyway. And then they heard the woman in charge of the project may have extra files hidden at one of the company labs, and came to find out which lab. Good news for Nervous Guy - he can pretend he caught the terrorists and company traitor on the condition he lets us finish poking around inside the company servers.

Inkubus: Congratulations on your promotion.

And now WE know where the extra files are, and where Aloha hide out. Greenlight writes FAIL on their chests, one letter for each.

Terrorists: F, A... oh you d*ck!

Oh, and our Johnson IS Mary Falls. Inkubus figures out what happened - 2M realised how valuable the AFD is, and staged an attack on their own offices and lab so they could steal the data and run off with it without being under suspicion. 2M tried to incriminate Aloha, not knowing their own President of Accounts was already associated with Aloha.

Greenlight: 'And we would have got away with it too'
Inkubus: 'If it wasn't for you meddling Shadowrunners.'

And then Mary Fall hired us personally.

Mary: I want the best team you have. Money is no object.
Fixer: Er... are you willing to pay 3 or 4 million?
Mary: OK, money is an object.
Fixer: But if you want a team that will change the parameters of the mission halfway through - TO YOUR BENEFIT - then you should still hire them.

Johnson: I hired Them.
Exec: Them? Them who?
Johnson: THEM.
Exec: Oh, THEM.

Inkubus: I think they were close to perfecting the AFD. That's when I'd scrag my own research team if I was a total amoral bastard.
Felix: Like a dragon.

Indeed, it seems likely this was 2M's Head of Security that came up with this plan.

Titus: Dragon's have achieved perfect self-awareness.
Inkubus: 'I'm a dick... and I'm OK with that. Sometimes the world needs a good d*cking.'
Felix: Well, you should know.

Mary Falls is quite startled by our report, and that we figured out who she is and what the AFD is.

Greenlight: Isn't this exactly like all your other relationships with woman? They're dumbfounded but impressed with your efficiency.

Next week! Off to Molokai and Waimea!

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A caveful of goblins dispersed, and an NPC rescued despite being used as a soft landing by the goblin's leader. The rescued hostage is actually an agent investigating disquieting rumours about our destination, the mining camp of Phandalin, and the fate of his predecessors.

Lamech: So you're going undercover. To rat them out. You're a narc!

He doesn't know how King Gurnt, local goblinoid tyrant, found out about the map, or the agent's friend and our boss.

Lamech: Something is rotten in the state of Phandalin.
GM: The Shit has hit the Phandalin.

But we do run into another Dragonborn, one Kavarog, and a clanmate of the one we already had.

Lamech: Wait, TWO blue dragonborn? I must be seeing double. Funny, I don't recall eating any of THOSE mushrooms.

Our ranger is suspicious and keeps the newcomer covered with a bow.

Lamech: Really?
GM: He's in for a rude shook, isn't he?
Lamech: I hope you're a really good shot. In fact, I think your best bet would be to pin his foot to the ground with an arrow, and run away.

Kavorog is a little disgusted that his kin-lizard is associating with humans.

Kavorog: No wonder you joined the army.
Lamech: Yes, this way he gets paid for killing people.

Something is sneaking up on us during the night.

Lamech: The horses are getting skittish. We should send them down to the 7-11, and they'll be getting Skittles.

It's lions. Despite blind arrow fire turning one into a shish-kebab, Kavorog still runs back into camp with a lion hanging off each arm.

Lamech: It's a chimera! Quick, shoot it!

Kavorog botches removing the lion's pelt.

Lamech: There's more than one way to skin a cat.
Kavorog: But this wasn't one of them.

GM: Now I get to inflict undead lions on you.
Lamech: Eh - It doesn't have any arms or legs anymore, I'm not that worried.
Kavorog: Have you ever heard floating undead lions before?
Lamech: No, but I've seen a dead cat floating down the canal once.

Lamech: Going to show off your dragonskin in town are you?
GM: Lionskin.
Kavorog: Dragonskin - I'm going shirtless.
Lamech: But do you have nipple rings and baby oil?
Kavorog: No. *pause* Dragonborn don't have nipples.

Lamech: Our boss has two brothers? Great - I've heard dwarves love bloody revenge. Actually, that might mean we have to wait until he's actually dead before we can call them in.

Apart from an alarming number of disappearances, the town is being terrorised by a band of thugs calling themselves the Red Brands.

Lamech: Anybody likely to object if they mysteriously all get their ankles broken?

Urlon: I think this town needs some law and order.
Lamech: Congratulations, sheriff!

Lamech: Let's go get the merchants to pay us for recovering their goods first. I'm sure the cleric will agree that money = piety, so the town cleric is more likely to listen to us if we're rich.

To the local Coster, a large amount of who's goods we found in the caves.

Lamech: I hear you're running short on stock

Lamech: So, how much will we get in salvage fees?
Coster: I've a deal for you, shorty - you go recover our stuff for us, or you'll never buy anything in this town.
Lamech: Gee, where do we know there's a big pile of stuff going free?
Coster: Stolen goods.
Lamech: Salvaged goods.
Kavorog: How do you know so much about this sort of thing?
Lamech (a former smuggler): I have prior experience in shipping goods.

But that sort of negotiation over, we suggest the town cleric witness a salvage contract. Things are so bad the coster needs a bodyguard just to cross the street.

But if we can get the rest of those lions intact or alive they'll be quite valuable.

Urlon: How long will it take to train a lion?
Coster: How should I know? We'll need to get a Beastmaster in.
Lamech: I knew a beastmaster once. He was from the South. He kept sticking his thumb up their arses.
Coster: That's the locksmith joke.
Lamech: ?
Coster: My dog's a locksmith.
Urlon: Really?
Coster: Yes, when I stick my thumb up his arse he makes a bolt for the door.
Cleric of Tymora: *gives the Coster a disgusted look*

Urlon: Salvage first, then deal with the Red Brands?
Lamech: I say break their legs then use them as lion bait.
Kavorog: I want to burn the taphouse down why they're inside.
GM: Burn down a pub? That's un-Australian!

Lamech: Well, we could get Kavorog to do a pole dance in the taphouse and once they've all clawed their eyes out they'll be helpless.

GM: A gnome, an elf, and a dragonborn walk into a bar
Kavorog: We've heard this joke before...

GM: This town is very well organised - all the quest givers are on one short street.

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D&D 5th Ed : The Town of Questgivers
A caveful of goblins dispersed, and an NPC rescued despite being used as a soft landing by the goblin's leader. The rescued hostage is actually an agent investigating disquieting rumours about our destination, the mining camp of Phandalin, and the fate of his predecessors.

Lamech: So you're going undercover. To rat them out. You're a narc!

He doesn't know how King Gurnt, local goblinoid tyrant, found out about the map, or the agent's friend and our boss.

Lamech: Something is rotten in the state of Phandalin.
GM: The Shit has hit the Phandalin.

But we do run into another Dragonborn, one Kavarog, and a clanmate of the one we already had.

Lamech: Wait, TWO blue dragonborn? I must be seeing double. Funny, I don't recall eating any of THOSE mushrooms.

Our ranger is suspicious and keeps the newcomer covered with a bow.

Lamech: Really?
GM: He's in for a rude shook, isn't he?
Lamech: I hope you're a really good shot. In fact, I think your best bet would be to pin his foot to the ground with an arrow, and run away.

Kavorog is a little disgusted that his kin-lizard is associating with humans.

Kavorog: No wonder you joined the army.
Lamech: Yes, this way he gets paid for killing people.

Something is sneaking up on us during the night.

Lamech: The horses are getting skittish. We should send them down to the 7-11, and they'll be getting Skittles.

It's lions. Despite blind arrow fire turning one into a shish-kebab, Kavorog still runs back into camp with a lion hanging off each arm.

Lamech: It's a chimera! Quick, shoot it!

Kavorog botches removing the lion's pelt.

Lamech: There's more than one way to skin a cat.
Kavorog: But this wasn't one of them.

GM: Now I get to inflict undead lions on you.
Lamech: Eh - It doesn't have any arms or legs anymore, I'm not that worried.
Kavorog: Have you ever heard floating undead lions before?
Lamech: No, but I've seen a dead cat floating down the canal once.

Lamech: Going to show off your dragonskin in town are you?
GM: Lionskin.
Kavorog: Dragonskin - I'm going shirtless.
Lamech: But do you have nipple rings and baby oil?
Kavorog: No. *pause* Dragonborn don't have nipples.

Lamech: Our boss has two brothers? Great - I've heard dwarves love bloody revenge. Actually, that might mean we have to wait until he's actually dead before we can call them in.

Apart from an alarming number of disappearances, the town is being terrorised by a band of thugs calling themselves the Red Brands.

Lamech: Anybody likely to object if they mysteriously all get their ankles broken?

Urlon: I think this town needs some law and order.
Lamech: Congratulations, sheriff!

Lamech: Let's go get the merchants to pay us for recovering their goods first. I'm sure the cleric will agree that money = piety, so the town cleric is more likely to listen to us if we're rich.

To the local Coster, a large amount of who's goods we found in the caves.

Lamech: I hear you're running short on stock

Lamech: So, how much will we get in salvage fees?
Coster: I've a deal for you, shorty - you go recover our stuff for us, or you'll never buy anything in this town.
Lamech: Gee, where do we know there's a big pile of stuff going free?
Coster: Stolen goods.
Lamech: Salvaged goods.
Kavorog: How do you know so much about this sort of thing?
Lamech (a former smuggler): I have prior experience in shipping goods.

But that sort of negotiation over, we suggest the town cleric witness a salvage contract. Things are so bad the coster needs a bodyguard just to cross the street.

But if we can get the rest of those lions intact or alive they'll be quite valuable.

Urlon: How long will it take to train a lion?
Coster: How should I know? We'll need to get a Beastmaster in.
Lamech: I knew a beastmaster once. He was from the South. He kept sticking his thumb up their arses.
Coster: That's the locksmith joke.
Lamech: ?
Coster: My dog's a locksmith.
Urlon: Really?
Coster: Yes, when I stick my thumb up his arse he makes a bolt for the door.
Cleric of Tymora: *gives the Coster a disgusted look*

Urlon: Salvage first, then deal with the Red Brands?
Lamech: I say break their legs then use them as lion bait.
Kavorog: I want to burn the taphouse down while they're inside.
GM: Burn down a pub? That's un-Australian!

Lamech: Well, we could get Kavorog to do a pole dance in the taphouse and once they've all clawed their eyes out they'll be helpless.

GM: A gnome, an elf, and a dragonborn walk into a bar
Kavorog: We've heard this joke before...

GM: This town is very well organised - all the quest givers are on one short street.

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The Game: Monster Hunter International

 

The Game Operations Director: My long-suffering friend Mike

 

So far the characters are

 

Titania "Call Me Fiona" Melungeon, my character, a basketball playing  computer hacking female Troll

 

Kylie "Don't call me Crocodile Dundee!," a young woman from Australia here on the Monster Hunter's Exchange Program, with a boomerang enchanted by an Aboriginal shaman as thanks for saving some of the tribe's children from were-dingoes. 

 

John Lee Pettimore III, the hillbilly army veteran from the song "Copperhead Road" who inherited the family business of moonshining and branched out into more profitable prohibited substances. We took the write up from Surbrook's Stuff and expanded it.

 

And then there's Don Gunn, the guy giving us our marching orders and Mike's "GMPC" who runs Don Gunn's Guns. He's not in it to make money - he just LOOOOOVES to sell guns. If you're not from around here (we're in Indianapolis) don't worry about not getting that, it's an inside joke.

 

 

When last I posted about the lazy Trollop Titania, she was taking a nap. Upon awakening, she checks email.

 

Titania: Something from some Nigerian prince. Someone selling Viagra. Ha, if some guy's with me he shouldn't need that stuff. Someone peddling canned pork processed food product, that's just spam. No one ordering giant Australian hunting spider repellent?

 

We get dispatched to the next outbreak, and find an MCB liason as well as the facility manager waiting outside.

 

Note for the uninitiated: In Monster Hunter International, the MCB is the Monster Control Bureau, a super-secret government agency that licenses and regulates monster bounty hunters, and insists on keeping the public at large completely ignorant of the existence of monsters. After we bag up the bodies of monsters (we need the remains to claim the bounty later) the MCB comes in and cleans up, disposes of the bodies of innocent victims, etc.

 

Bill, the one playing John Lee Pettimore, asks if one of those "butt can" ashtrays is around outside. There is. Then he asks the local liason where the nearest janitor's closet to the entrance is, and gets directions. We're all mystified. He says "I have a plan, but I can't do it if that MCB guy is watching.

 

Titania tells the facility official to go talk to the MCB representative about the compensation the government owes his organization for this incident, he really needs to start right now if he wants to file a claim, etc - so as to get both of them distracted.

 

Mike: Roll it, you have +3 because you're telling him what he wants to hear.

 

Titania, OoC after making the roll: Ok, that should keep them busy but he hates me now.

Mike: Oh?

Titania: Yeah, remember, I bought Persuasion with a Limitation, so I convince people that what I'm saying makes sense, but I alienate them in the process. So it was probably something like, Look you idiot, you need to go talk to the man about filing a claim for compensation, unless you're as dumb as you are ugly you'll insist on him getting the forms out right now, the longer you delay the more chance you'll lose out like a chump, etc.

 

So we go in. It's dark and we make our way by flashlight towards the janitor's closet so John Lee can get the broom for whatever his big plan is. Then Kylie's Danger Sense goes off.

 

Kylie: Wait, something's wrong.

Titania: Shh. Listen.

 

We don't hear any skittering - I was expecting they might be in the closet. Then I look up.

 

Mike: Three spiders are dangling on threads from the ceiling overhead.

 

After ascertaining that they are dangling low enough to reach with a leap, Titania jumps and Grabs. The spider Grabs back. Titania fails, spider succeeds, both fall to the floor. John Lee makes a Fast Draw roll, and Kylie Dodges that first phase.

 

Without Kylie's Danger Sense, we'd probably have all been bitten.

 

While the other two are unloading firearms at point blank, I make my second grab roll and announce Titania is grabbing the head so it can't bite. The spider wraps its center two pairs of legs around Titania, hugging her to the underside of its abdomen, and rushes off on its other four legs. At least it's not running up the wall.

 

Kylie OoC: I don't want to hit you by accident.

Titania OoC: You'll only have a chance to hit me if you miss the spider. It's at half DCV for the grab. And remember, I can Regenerate.

 

Kylie opens fire and blows the thing away.

 

And that's where we left it. It only occurred to me afterwards that we should all have been penalized for fighting in the dark (Titania was carrying the flashlight, and had to have dropped it to make that Leap and Grab.) Next session, I'll see about restoring the lights (how did giant spiders cause a power outage anyway/)

 

Lucius Alexander

 

The palindromedary suspects the spiders can see in the dark.

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The shadowrunners were an ork/troll group. Against stereotype, they specialized in stealth, subtlety, bluff, illusion, deception and misdirection.

 

Dent: ork, rat shaman

No-Step: ork, snake shaman, healer

Byte Force: ork, decker, chemist

Eye Spy: ork, rigger, drones, paramedic

Audacity Jane: ork, combat, stealth, security systems

Happy Jack: troll, combat, disguise, negotiator

Goldi (NPC): the local Director of Tourism ... and secretly Baron Munchmaussen's Chief of Intelligence

 

The Adventures of Baron Munchmaussen - Learning the Lay of the Land

This was the same adventure previously described by Drhoz (here and here).

 

The team had been hired to steal a rare book from Baron Munchmaussen.

 

Upon arriving at the village, the train was met by the local Director of Tourism. She immediately started pumping the team for information. Happy Jack (expecting more use of the Analyze Truth spell) defused the questions in his normal manner ... he gave answers that were true, but contained no useful information.

 

Goldi: "What do you do for a living?"

Happy Jack: "I'm a negotiator. I ensure my clients get the best possible prices for their goods and services while paying the lowest possible prices to their suppliers."

Goldi: "I didn't realize that there were people who did that."

Happy Jack: "Of course there are. Do you know the hard part about hiring a negotiator?"

Goldi: "What?"

Happy Jack: "You have to negotiate his salary without the benefit of his expertise."

 

Jack also asked lots of questions.

 

Happy Jack: (seeing the castle for the first time) "The castle looks like a Disney castle."

Goldi: (drily) "I suppose it does."

Happy Jack: "Did the Baron build it to look like a Disney castle?"

 

Jack and Goldi chatted non-stop until she dropped them off at their hostel.

 

Byte Force: (quietly, before they entered the hostel) "You're being very friendly with the local [air quotes] tour guide. You even got her phone number."

Happy Jack: "I'm not being friendly. I'm being 'that guy.' The ignorant tourist who's completely in love with the sound of his own voice. By the time our trip is over, I want her to dread seeing me or hearing from me."

Dent: "Just act like you normally do. I feel that way about you already."

 

Byte Force rigged the camera in the hostel room so it showed a video loop of the team taking a nap. With that cover in place, the team unpacked the gear that Ms. Johnson sent. Obviously, they had some critiques.

 

Happy Jack: "For snowsuits we have a choice of dark blue, dark green and dark brown. Is she completely unfamiliar with the concept of camouflage?"

Byte Force: "Those colors blend in very well at night."

Audacity Jane: "Not against snow."

 

Eye Spy: "Six pairs of low-light goggles. Useless. Is there anyone here that can't already see in the dark?"

 

Byte Force: "There's no crypto-circuit or scrambling on the micro-transceivers. If we use these, we'll be broadcasting everything we say to the local security."

No-Step: "You're sure they're monitoring every radio channel?"

Byte Force: "They have spy cams in every room, so I'm going to assume they are."

 

Eye Spy: "No vehicles. No drones. Lovely. There's absolutely nothing for me to do on this mission."

Happy Jack: (handing Eye Spy the missile launcher) "You use heavy weapons. You're 'Plan C'."

Eye Spy: "Normally the weapons are mounted on vehicles."

Dent: "I can steal a car and a roll of duct tape."

 

The team's first stroll through the village was interrupted by an explosion overhead ... as a SAM fired from the castle blew up a drone.

 

Villager: (explaining the noise) "Every week, Graf Eisenstein sends a spy drone, and Graf Munchmaussen always shoots it down. Our Baron is paranoid about the skies."

Eye Spy: "And apparently they can both afford to blow up a few thousand nuyen each week, just to make a point."

 

Planning in a heavily monitored environment became its own challenge.

 

Audacity Jane: "When and how are we going to do our planning? We're going to be watched anyplace we go in town."

Byte Force: "We could use the snowshoes and go for a hike in the woods. I saw no evidence that the woods are monitored."

No-Step: (staring at Byte Force) "Did you actually suggest that we go outside and take a walk? In nature?"

Byte Force: "Yes ... but only out of desperation."

 

Securing communications posed an even bigger problem.

 

Happy Jack: "I keep telling you, I shouldn't be the only person with an internal commlink. If just one other person had one, we could have a secure line of communication."

Byte Force: "I should be able to wire a micro-transceiver to my cyberdeck. That will allow me to run it through an encryption program. That way the two of us can talk to each other securely."

Dent: "No-Step and I can use watcher spirits to send messages to each other."

No-Step: "We'll have to be careful about that. If a spirit shows up at the wrong time, we'll blow each other's cover."

 

Happy Jack: "We can pass some messages using code words."

Dent: "Aren't you the one who claims those are only used by amateurs?"

Happy Jack: "That's because they use code words that sound like code words. Real code words sound innocuous."

 

Happy Jack: "If we absolutely need to send a message in the open, Eye Spy, Byte Force, Jane and I can use these linguasofts. They may eventually figure out what we've said, but it will buy us some time."

Audacity Jane: "These linguasofts make us speak in code?"

Happy Jack: "No. They allow us to speak Tagalog ... and on this side of the world, that might as well be in code."

 

Happy Jack planned to seduce one of the ork servants working for the Baron, then drug her, allowing Dent to Mind Probe her for details about the castle. Dent remained skeptical of the plan.

 

Dent: "What makes you think you can seduce anyone? Last time I looked, you were really ugly."

No-Step: "You're forgetting something. Jack was also really ugly the first time you looked. He's very consistent that way."

Happy Jack: "I have two secret weapons. First, the Baron keeps detailed files on each of his employees. Not only do they tell me which servants are security risks, but they also describe their personal weaknesses."

Dent: "So you can find someone who's easy. Big deal. There's a difference between 'easy' and 'blind'."

Happy Jack: "And I also got some new bioware last month ... cultured tailored pheremones."

 

Dent's Mind Probe, combined with the castle's security camera footage, provided an excellent map of the castle's interior. Unfortunately, Goldi realized that Happy Jack had spent the night with a castle servant ... which made the Baron's spy very suspicious.

 

Happy Jack, noticing Goldi's interest in him, decided to defuse her interest in him.

 

Happy Jack: "Goldi! I'm on my way to the bierhall. Come have a drink with me!"

 

Goldi, being a skilled operative, joined Jack and dropped subtle hints that she might have information about the castle. Happy Jack chose to deflect her subtlety with complete and unmitigated obtuseness.

 

Goldi: "The castle isn't open to visitors, but I go there once a week to meet with some of the bureaucrats."

Happy Jack: "Is there a dragon in the castle?"

Goldi: "A dragon? Why would there be a dragon in the castle?"

Happy Jack: "Well, if the Baron lived in a castle -and- rode a dragon, that would make him the most AWESOME troll ever."

Goldi: "..."

Happy Jack: "Do they sell dragons around here?"

 

After the trip to the bierhall had ended...

 

Audacity Jane: "You just spent all afternoon drinking and BSing with a spy. Do you think you actually accomplished anything?"

Happy Jack: "I think I achieved my goal, and kept Goldi from achieving hers."

Audacity Jane: "Her goal was to get you to say something incriminating."

Happy Jack: "Not quite. Her goal was to get me drunk enough that I would slip up and say something incriminating."

Audacity Jane: "You have the same full-spectrum immunization that I do. You can't get drunk."

Happy Jack: "I may have neglected to mention that to her."

Audacity Jane: "What were you trying to accomplish?"

Happy Jack: "I was trying to convince her to keep up with me, beer for beer."

Audacity Jane: "She couldn't be that stupid."

Happy Jack: "Not quite. She started out having one beer to every four of mine, then one for every three."

Audacity Jane: "How long did that last?"

Happy Jack: "Until she passed out. She's going to have one hell of a hangover tomorrow."

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The shadowrunners were an ork/troll group. Against stereotype, they specialized in stealth, subtlety, bluff, illusion, deception and misdirection.

 

Dent: ork, rat shaman

No-Step: ork, snake shaman, healer

Byte Force: ork, decker, chemist

Eye Spy: ork, rigger, drones, paramedic

Audacity Jane: ork, combat, stealth, security systems

Happy Jack: troll, combat, disguise, negotiator

Goldi (NPC): the local Director of Tourism ... and secretly the Baron's Chief of Intelligence

 

The Adventures of Baron Munchmaussen - A Trip to the Local Library

This was the same adventure previously described by Drhoz (here and here).

 

The team had been hired to steal a rare book from Baron Munchmaussen.

 

Discussing infiltration plans:

Byte Force's ability to spoof security cameras was critical to the plan. However, in order to do it effectively, he would need to coordinate with the team members infiltrating the castle.

 

Byte Force: "I don't think Jack can bluff his way through the tram's security. There are only two trolls in the castle, the Baron and one guard. Neither of them has come down to the village since we arrived."

Audacity Jane: "We really need Jack's headware up there, so we can have secure communication with you."

Dent: "How do you expect to sneak his lard butt around a castle?"

Audacity Jane: "That's easy. You're the one who uses magick. I intend to tell you to figure out a way."

 

Happy Jack: "Even if I'm sneaking into the castle using stealth, I would still like to disguise myself as the Baron, just in case I'm spotted inside."

No-Step: "I'm sure everyone in the castle knows the Baron well. Your disguise won't fool them for long."

Happy Jack: "It should make them hesitate for a few seconds ... and I've seen what Jane can do to someone in just a few seconds."

 

The plan was fairly simple:

  • Dent would make himself invisible, then ride to the castle on top of the cable car.
  • Once there, Dent would hide in one of the unused towers until night came.
  • No-Step would cover for Dent's absence by putting in several appearances as Dent during the afternoon.
  • Since Goldi was the only person capable of detecting Dent's invisibility or No-Step's illusion, Jack would divert her if it seemed likely that she would encounter either one.
  • After dark, Dent would secure a rope to the tower crenelation, then lower a rope down the cliff face below.
  • Using the rope and climbing gear, Jane and Jack would scale the cliff face and the castle wall.
  • Byte Force would use the security cameras in the castle and main keep to track the movements of the guards.
  • Byte Force would also selectively use video looping to prevent the cameras from seeing Dent, Jack and Jane.
  • The infiltration trio would use the grapple gun to scale the outside of the keep, then enter through the window of the library.
  • If someone was encountered, the infiltration team would use tasers, silenced SMGs, magick and melee to quietly deal with them.
  • The team would exfiltrate by using the rope down the side of the cliff.
  • The rope would be destroyed behind them, concealing the method of entry/egress.
  • If the castle became alerted to the presence of the infiltrators, No-Step and Eye Spy would use illusions and missile fire to distract the castle guards.
 

Happy Jack seemed to enjoy diverting Goldi.

 

Happy Jack: (approaching Goldi as she left her office) "Goldi! Could you help settle a bet I have with one of my friends."

Goldi: (cautiously) "Maybe."

Happy Jack: "Was the hamburger invented in Hamburg?"

Goldi: "No."

Happy Jack: "Are you sure?"

Goldi: "Yes."

Happy Jack: "DAMMIT ... um ... I mean, thanks for the information."

Goldi: "Is that all?"

Happy Jack: "Yes." (pause) "Hey! If you're leaving work, come have a beer or two with me."

Goldi: (turning slightly green) "Actually, I have an important call that I have to make right now."

Goldi quickly retreated back into her office.

 

Later that night, while Jack and Jane were waiting for Dent to lower the rope...

 

Happy Jack: (checking his watch) "It's time for me to convince Goldi we're not worth watching tonight."

Audacity Jane: "How do you plan to do that?"

Happy Jack dialed Goldi's number.

Goldi: "Hallo."

Happy Jack: (slurring his words slightly) "Hi Goldi. Do you know the waitress at the bierhall? The brunette with the two braids?"

Goldi: (sighing) "I know her. Why?"

Happy Jack: "Do you know if she has a fetish for trolls?"

Goldi: (icily) "Probably not."

Happy Jack: "Oh." (long pause) "My friend has a question. Does she have a fetish for orks?"

Goldi: [click]

Happy Jack: "Hello? Hello?"

Audacity Jane: "You have such a way with women."

Happy Jack: "It's a gift."

 

Things went according to plan until the team found the book in the library.

 

Audacity Jane: "This isn't the right book. It's a fake. It doesn't have the engraved cover."

Happy Jack: "He put the fake where thieves would expect to find it. The real one must be secured somewhere else."

Dent: "I know the fastest way to find the real one."

Happy Jack: "And that is...."

Dent: "The Baron's bedroom is just down the hall. I bet he knows where it is."

 

The Baron was a light sleeper ... until he was tasered, koshed and tranqued. He slept more soundly after that.

 

Dent: "The book is on his bedside table."

Audacity Jane: "That was easier to retrieve than I expected."

 

Dent's Mind Probe turned up some other interesting information.

 

Dent: "He didn't get a good look at us when we entered the room, but he thinks we're assassins sent to kill him."

Audacity Jane: "Then he'll be pleasantly surprised when he wakes up tomorrow morning."

 

Dent: "The maglock key around his neck is his secret escape route. There's a helicopter in a room upstairs. He can open the roof, raise a platform, and fly it out of here. We could use the helicopter to fly all the way back to Berlin!"

Audacity Jane: "Great plan ... except half of our team is still down in the valley ... including the pilot."

Happy Jack: "What kind of helicopter is it?"

Dent: "A high-end luxury one. Why?"

Happy Jack: "If it has a good enough autopilot, the helicopter can fly itself out of here. If it does that, everyone is going to assume that we, and the book, are on board."

 

No-Step and Eye Spy returned to Byte Force's room in order to facilitate secure communication between the two halves of the team.

 

Happy Jack: "Eye Spy, the Baron has a Hughes Airstar. If Byte Force gives you a route, can you you tell us how to program the autopilot to follow it?"

Eye Spy: "Of course."

Byte Force: "I don't have a route, though."

Happy Jack: "Find a route from the roof of the Keep to the middle of the Rhine-Ruhr toxic zone. I want the flight to buzz Graf Eisenstein's castle on the way there."

Byte Force: "Okay. Why?"

Happy Jack: "Munchmaussen has been shooting down Eisenstein's drones every week. Graf Eisenstein might want to return the favor with Munchmaussen's helicopter. I'm also fairly certain Munchmaussen won't be given permission to examine the wreckage."

Byte Force: "That's easy enough."

Happy Jack: "And have the route avoid passing over Munchmaussen valley. The Baron's SAM systems may be automated, and I don't want flaming wreckage to land on my head."

Byte Force: "I'll have it in one minute."

Happy Jack: "Eye Spy, we'll need the autopilot to be set on a timed delay. I want to be down in the valley before it goes tearing out of here."

Eye Spy: "Ooookay."

Happy Jack: "No-Step, I need you to cast and maintain an illusion covering the northwest side of the Keep's roof."

No-Step: "An illusion of what?"

Happy Jack: "An illusion of the roof. That's where the helicopter is going to be."

 

The Baron (presumably) woke the next morning to find the book missing, a metal briefcase in its place, the perpetrators gone, and his helicopter long gone.

 

Dent: "After what we did to him, he's going to wake up with the mother of all headaches."

Eye Spy: "Maybe the briefcase was full of Exedrin."

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Our Shadowrun GM is planning another occasional series, with mostly different players, to be set in the 2070 era. However, the PCs so far are such a pack of deviants it’s likely the game reports will be unprintable.

 

The GM does point out that our rather conspicuous appearance gives the team plausible deniability. Who’s going to believe a report that Santa, an anthro orca porn star, Disney’s Robin Hood, and a geriatric elf just broke in? Or that anybody would be insane enough to hire such a team?

 

Ripper K: Class III orca-form changeling, niche porn star (by the name of Dick Moby), and BDSM-powered Physical Adept. “A few hours being flogged on the X-frame? Great – just the thing to get me in the mood for headbutting trolls unconscious”

 

Ryleigh ‘Fox’: Another changeling, who as the novelty of Changelings wore off went from media darling, to b-grade tri-D flicks, to porn, to prostitution, just to make ends meet. Now working as a rigger.

 

Vell ‘ The Red Angel’ Rubicante: Mystic Adept. One of the first generation of elves in the Sixth Age. Runs a mobile black clinic.

 

Nelson ‘Hogfather’ Bodie: Ork street samurai. Took one look at his team and said ‘f**k it, I’m wearing a Santa Suit’.

 

 

Fox’s player: Do I get to keep the money that's left over or should I use it all up?

Ripper K’s player: Keep it, it could be useful in an emergency. i.e. ‘F**k, we pissed off a dragon, how much are plane tickets to Antarctica?’

 

Red still has trouble staying ahead of the bills, even though the white van housing his black clinic/operating theater is a fixture in the nastier parts of town.

 

Ripper K: "Free Cand^h^h^h Medical Help" spray painted on the side

The Red Angel: "30% Off!"

Fox: "get your penile enlargement today!"

Ripper K: "want illegal cyberwear implanted? See my very reasonable repayment plans!" "Frightened of catching Sentient Herpes? Get your STI Screening here!"

The Red Angel: "Did your boss find out you were banging his daughter AND his wife? Come on in and get a new face!" ‘Back Alley Bris! 20% off! I guarantee this isn’t a rip-off!’

 

Red Angel’s player: 'Welp, this guy died. On one hand, I don't get paid. On the other, free organs!’ I wonder if I go around harvesting organs from homeless people. ‘I’ve got food for you. Surprise, it was drugged.’

 

Ripper K: Discount kidneys – ‘Buy two, get one free’

Fox: If someone needs two kidneys, he's got issues

Ripper K: So, how much of a Bad Rep do YOU have?

The Red Angel: Uhm, I dunno. Does it even out with my terrific prices? XD ‘Get your blood by the litre!’

Ripper K: Or is all this rumour and the graffiti that gets sprayed on your van wherever you park?

The Red Angel: F**KING KIDS, STOP VANDALIZING MY ESTABLISHMENT

 

The Red Angel: I'M 61 YEARS OLD, YOU DON'T GET TO BE AN ELF AND LIVE THAT LONG BY BEING A GOOD PERSON

 

The Red Angel: Can you sign this contract stating that I get your bodies if any of you die?

Fox: No.

The Red Angel: And is it okay if I grab the organs from anyone we kill?

Fox: Keep in mind I have microscopic vision, I'll read that fine print

The Red Angel: It's gonna be in bold. No trickery here, I just need the organs. I mean, if you die, you won't be needing them!

Fox: I wanna be cremated XP

The Red Angel: My my, what a waste. What about you, big guy? It's for a good cause.

Ripper K:shrugs I'm not going to die, I'm immortal. Or is it delusional? One of those things

The Red Angel: Then you have nothing to worry about if you sign it. ^ ^

Ripper K: Patient dumped onto the operating table, bleeding out, liver on the floor "I just need you to sign this organ donor consent form.... thumb print will do. Let me help you..."

The Red Angel's player: Good lord I sound like an awful person. I'm 61 though, so I guess my fuckbasket is empty.

 

It’s not just surplus organs either.

 

Ripper K: Salvaged cyberwear - don't forget that

The Red Angel: Oh, yes, yes! Those will probably sell, right? XD

GM: .....

Ripper K: ‘Going Cheap - one Husqvarna Rippa chainsaw arm. Previous owner - a little old lady who only ever used it when she went to church on Sundays’

 

Red Angel’s player: I need to learn future slang! XD Oh wait, not really. Being old and stuff, I can insist on talking like it's still 2015 or something. Only 10s kids would get it.

Fox’s player: Born in 2011 and already talking slang in 2015, huh?

Red Angel’s player: Yes. Just like my neighbour's kids. 2011-2019 are his 90s. XD

Ripper K: Teeners

Red Angel’s player: And yes, he's a Teener! XD

GM: You were teased pretty harshly as a kid btw - long ears, legolas, tinkerbell, the list goes on

Red Angel’s player: Yes, and that's why I started cutting people - TO HELP THEM (It may have been because I've become a sociopath.)

Fox’s player: Now I have this image in my head of you stabbing someone, putting your hand on their mouth and going "Shhh... shh...."

Red Angel’s player: "Shhh... shh..." *Dark smile* "Think happy thoughts..." "Nice hair, Amy Lee!" *Young self adds name to his list and tries to think of ironic last words*"Your eyes are wrong. Let me fix that." XD

 

Red Angel’s player: XD Poor young Vell. Vell Rubicante isn't even his real name! He changed it to that later. XD His real name is Alvar Mørklöf, which is sufficiently Nordic, I believe. Alvar translates to "Elf", and Mørklöf is "Dark Leaf"!

Fox’s player: Now you need a habit of drinking wine out of human skulls

Red Angel’s player: XD That's a classy habit, I guess!

 

And I’m sure they’ll be a few skulls lying around the van after a busy night anyway.

 

Generic NPC: R-Red Angel

The Red Angel: You forgot 'The'. 'The Red Angel'. Everyone forgets 'the'.

Generic NPC: Y-you're The Red Angel!

The Red Angel: Oh there's no need to use my title! 'Your Highest Eminence' is also an acceptable moniker.

Generic NPC: Isn't that a little... egocentric?

The Red Angel: I will cut you.

Generic NPC: I-

The Red Angel: YOU WILL FEED MY EGO OR YOU WILL BLEED. EITHER WOULD MAKE ME HAPPY.

 

Red’s religious beliefs – what does he worship?

 

The Red Angel: Myself, I guess. What self respecting elf wouldn't worship themselves? Ooh, I worship Taco Tuesdays? ‘Oh mighty Tacoest of Tuesdays, please let my evening be completed with sour cream, cheese and flavoured meat, ahem *Crunch* I mean, I could just worship the Flying Spaghetti Monster to be ironic, but "MAY THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER SMITE YOU" doesn't sound very impressive.

 

The Red Angel also has a combat runestone. In the form of a bloodstone cockring.

 

The Red Angel: According to the GM, other mages will notice my astral signature on my willy. And I get to call them out on staring at my junk!

The Hogfather: And you can just tut and tell them "third eyes up here"

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Our Shadowrun GM is planning another occasional series, with mostly different players, to be set in the 2070 era. However, the PCs so far are such a pack of deviants it’s likely the game reports will be unprintable.

 

The GM does point out that our rather conspicuous appearance gives the team plausible deniability. Who’s going to believe a report that Santa, an anthro orca porn star, Disney’s Robin Hood, and a geriatric elf just broke in? Or that anybody would be insane enough to hire such a team?

 

Ripper K: Class III orca-form changeling, niche porn star (by the name of Dick Moby), and BDSM-powered Physical Adept. “A few hours being flogged on the X-frame? Great – just the thing to get me in the mood for headbutting trolls unconscious”

 

Ryleigh ‘Fox’: Another changeling, who as the novelty of Changelings wore off went from media darling, to b-grade tri-D flicks, to porn, to prostitution, just to make ends meet. Now working as a rigger.

 

Vell ‘ The Red Angel’ Rubicante: Mystic Adept. One of the first generation of elves in the Sixth Age. Runs a mobile black clinic.

 

Nelson ‘Hogfather’ Bodie: Ork street samurai. Took one look at his team and said ‘fuck it, I’m wearing a Santa Suit’.

 

 

I think I played DnD with this group in High-school  :stupid:

 

This sound like EXACTLY the sort of UST that went on in the group.

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Our Shadowrun GM is planning another occasional series, with mostly different players, to be set in the 2070 era. However, the PCs so far are such a pack of deviants it’s likely the game reports will be unprintable.
 
The GM does point out that our rather conspicuous appearance gives the team plausible deniability. Who’s going to believe a report that Santa, an anthro orca porn star, Disney’s Robin Hood, and a geriatric elf just broke in? Or that anybody would be insane enough to hire such a team?
 
Ripper K: Class III orca-form changeling, niche porn star (by the name of Dick Moby), and BDSM-powered Physical Adept. “A few hours being flogged on the X-frame? Great – just the thing to get me in the mood for headbutting trolls unconscious”

Ryleigh ‘Fox’: Another changeling, who as the novelty of Changelings wore off went from media darling, to b-grade tri-D flicks, to porn, to prostitution, just to make ends meet. Now working as a rigger.

Vell ‘ The Red Angel’ Rubicante: Mystic Adept. One of the first generation of elves in the Sixth Age. Runs a mobile black clinic.

Nelson ‘Hogfather’ Bodie: Ork street samurai. Took one look at his team and said ‘fuck it, I’m wearing a Santa Suit’.

 

 

Before anyone asks, no I am not in this game. ;)

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Faris: Hold on. Just wait a tic. Basically, everything that just had nothing to do with us had everything to do with us?
Melissa: Yeah, pretty much.

Faris: (low, out-of-character): So much for my high Perception score...

GM: What was that?
- pause -

Faris: (more enthusiastically) What a sly deception, and more!

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Black Crusade : The Sundered World

The alternate Black Crusade campaign, where the PCs are surrounded by enemies and have far less agency than devotees of Chaos have when they're at large in the Screaming Vortex.

On the other hand, the perpetually rainy Imperial world of Sinophia is so financially and spiritually bankrupt that it's a miracle it hasn't fallen to Chaos already. It's degenerated so far that the Imperium hasn't bothered to raise a Guard regiment in three centuries, and even the Planetary Defence Forces have been judged unfit for purpose, and it's only a matter of time before Holy Terra orders the execution of the Governor for gross incompetence, installs a military dictatorship, and then raises the taxes to pay for the bullets. Of course, the planetary nobility are so far in denial that can see the Pyramids. Until then they can while away the time in mutual loathing of the criminal underclass.

Anyway, the characters - an assemblage of villainy that warmed my cold cold heart.
 

Lord-Captain Robin Daniels
:
A minor Rogue Trader with a very peculiar name. "Robin because its what he likes to do and Daniels because its what he likes to drink!" A name and a joke so old it predates the Imperium and nobody knows why it's supposed to be funny anymore. He's an alcoholic too, spending every available coin on more booze while his ship is stuck in orbit undergoing vital repairs, and the Sinophian authorities try to milk him of every cent he has. Such crew as he brought down with him are little more than another armed gang now. As the plater puts it, 'Stumbling out into the ever-present rain, a bottle in hand and unsure legs to carry him he seeks yet another night of adventure and delight to while away the time, the hope of something to break the tedium and throw him free of this forsaken planet.'


Digna FeM8xr97MR
: "You comment on my hair. I blame the Genetor who failed to notice the faulty recessive melanotropin receptor in my paternal gamete." A heretek from the Lathe Worlds, and no mere tech-priest at that. She was a member of the Prefecture Magisterium, the Diagnostic Covens that are the tech-priest equivalent of the Imperial Inquisition and law enforcement. And as far as they know she still is. She's certainly been interrogating every suspected heretek on Sinophia she can catch up with. There's enough of them - the Adeptus Mechanicus are just one of the Adepta that use Sinophia as a dumping ground.


Digna's realization of the hypocrisy of the Adeptus Mechanicus preaching the "Knowledge is Holy" in one breath, only to decry certain knowledge as profane and blasphemous, was her first step into darkness. The Dark Gods simply offer yet another path on which to acquire knowledge, including knowledge that the Mechanicus wilfully keeps itself ignorant of. She has been careful to hide the clues of her true allegiance from her masters within the Prefecture Magisterium, but knows that all it will take is some diligent archivist uncovering the faint clues within the records of her interrogations or, worse, reconstructing the original recordings of her more "blasphemous" ones.


But she has made the acquaintance of a certain Heretek with an affinity for the squishier sciences (and reported him as 'requires further surveillance').


Dr.Eniek, aka The Surgeon, The Consultant, The Chirugeon, AC7^2
: Gender: probably male. Build: Of adjustable height and width. Favourite Sleeping position: Curled into a ball while tethered to the ceiling. Favourite thing to collect: used optical implants. Current Occupation: Chirugeon to the Upper-class; on days off, runs a high turnover homeless shelter/street clinic. The surgeon's goals are noble, his methods are not - he has long ago shed his morality in the face of pure logic. Morals merely delay or undo the necessary work. To whit: implanting alien organs and DNA into humans to improve the species. Hence his presence on Sinophia, where the Logician Cult were doing that to the PDF a few years back. When they got found out, the entire garrison went into berserk cannibalistic frenzy, and most of the local garrison of Adeptus Arbites went up in a mushroom cloud.


Digna has an offsider too.


Vlad-9
: A skitarii tribune assigned to assist her in her investigations, actually assigned to surveil her. Given that he's a heretic too, somebody at the Lathes must have REALLY screwed up when they set the assignments. Presumably, somewhere, two loyal servants of Mars got sent to the Vapourisation Vats. Vlad's mutation is what the players refer to as 'Godzilla breath'.

Vlad
: When it happen I just started throwing up lighting

Digna OoC
: Which was a bitch to repair since he had his helmet on at the time.



Skerrit
:
A Sinophian street urchin and tarot reader, once the servant of a Sinophian noble who used him to spy on his rivals. Poor but pious, Skerrit was lucky. Too lucky. Rumours started that he was a witch, and since even the suspicion that his master was harbouring a psyker could be disastrous, his lordship staged a prominent execution - using him as bait for the North End Monster. What actually happened is that Skerrit found himself the slave of the lord's underworld colleague, and his life infinitely worse. Only after Skerrit admitted that the God-Emperor of Man did not care what happened even to the most desperate of his followers did he escape - and his precognitive powers blossomed to their full strength. His other mutation is a long hairless tail, which at least matches the rat-like plague mask he wears.


Archimedes
: Another rogue psyker - this time a telepath. His wife was killed in a skirmish between the criminal conspiracy that held him, and one of the equally corrupt private armies of the nobility who wanted him for themselves. He surrounds himself with beautiful women, knowing that they are much more expendable than his wife ever was. On top of his mind-bending abilities, Archimedes enjoys a profitable sideline in addictive substances.


All these heretics have been having headaches, and migraines, and increasing nightmarish visions of a figure wreathed in black flame.

Ominous Vision: BENEATH THE SIGN OF THE SUNDERED WORLD. FIND THE HERSILIAD CODEX. THE KEEPER DIES. FIND THE CODEX, AND THROUGH IT FIND POWER. FIND KNOWLEDGE. FIND REVENGE.

This, quite likely, is Cassius, moving mortals into place as he prepares for his return. No doubt he will trouble their dreams with other psychic sendings whenever the players need more plot hooks, or are being especially obtuse.

Lord-Captain Daniels OOC: I could just imagine Cassius in the warp, big hulking deamon prince, very powerful.....with a tiny headset going 'This is the deamon helpline, how can I help you?'

Like all Black Crusade characters, the PCs are already completely beyond the pale.

GM: You've gone right through insanity and out the other side.

As it happens, one of the players is running a Dark Heresy game set on the same planet - so he knows the module I'll be cribbing from.

GM: So I trust you'll keep your player knowledge and character knowledge separate?
Eniek's player: .......*looks away* ...yes
All: Laughter ensues.
Eniek's player: I put all my points into knowledge skills and implants - if I do get player knowledge mixed up with character knowledge, that'll be my excuse.

Either way, they figure out what the Sundered World reference is - it's one of the major arcana of the Emperor's Tarot, and there's an establishment called the Turning Hand that once catered to off-world visitors, back when Sinophia still got them, and that is decorated with hanging brass versions of each card. Skerrit occasionally does readings for the handful of customers it still gets.

GM: Yes, you're meeting in a tavern.
Vlad-9's player: But a SPACE tavern.
Digna's player: At least it's not a cantina so there is no jizz being poured in our ears.

GM: The Hand is nearly empty, apart from a few customers, servitors, an offworlder at the table under the Sundered World card, and a mysterious hooded stranger in one corner impatiently waiting for another group of PCs.

The offworlder is Lord-Captain Daniels, who has been amusing himself by drinking the bar dry, building a model hive city from them, and playing a tune on them with the butt of his bolt pistol - while his other pistol, under the table, is trained on the tech-priests approaching him. Digna's activities have been causing some comment around the city, especially among the few that recognise her Collegia Extremis insignia.

NPC: Hey Joe you have some knowledge skill, what's that symbol mean.....oh....Joe's run off

GM: Actually, none of them seemed to recognise you, per se. They were more alarmed by your friend walking in with the rifle. Not that Master Thall had many customers tonight. Or this century, really.

A conversation (in Binary Cant) between the two AdMech.

Digna: My interrogation methods include my Medicae Mechadendrite. As you learned when I interrogated you, Subject Eniek-AC7^2
Eniek: *shrug* I gave you pointers.
Digna: Why are you here?
Eniek: I received a message from a legitimate source.
Digna: The kind of source that gets more illegitimate the more I torture you?
Eniek: Please don't, I only just got my kidney back in the right place

Digna's circling Pict-skull reports the approach of the other PCs and the bar's amiably absent-minded Master Thall.

Digna OoC: Picture-in-picture view, gotta love it

Master Thall: We don't get many of your lot in here, Reverends. What can I get you?
Digna: Chairs. Ensure they are well reinforced.
Eniek: And a high-chair for this one. *gesturing at the rat-masked Skerrit*
Digna's player: Sorry, dude - five minutes in-
GM: And we're already shitting on THIS character too.

Lord-Captain Daniels OoC: Nobody returns a book late to a space marine Librarian
Hypothetical librarian: Please wait while I perform a personal augury to see if you will be returning it *30 minutes rolls by*

Archimedes introducing themselves causes some confusion from the captain's player.

Archimedes: I am Archimedes. I sit.
Lord-Captain Daniels OoC: Did you just say in-character 'I Sit'?
Digna's Player: Are you the kind of person who narrates his own life? 'I go!' 'I come back!'

Regarding that mysterious psychic message, which the hereteks received as unsourced messages from inside their own cortical implants.

GM: They even came with animated GIFs.
Digna: I hate scrap code. How did that even get in there, that's an output-only port!
Vlad-9: That's what she said

Skerrit: I check the bottles.
Lord-Captain Daniels: They're empty, I saw to that earlier

Since discussing heresy out in the open is probably a bad idea, they retire to one of the private rooms.

GM: Discuss among yourselves
All: *Silence*
GM: Well this is a group of heretics - such paranoia is entirely apt.

Eventually someone admits they got the vision about the book (Skerrit had already figured this out with an augury while doing a tarot reading for Vlad) and everybody relaxes slightly.

Digna: For such a message to appear in my cortex suggests the source to be the Warp.
GM: Maybe its a really small xenos.

After discussion, the locals suggest a number of Sinophian nobility and one eccentric loan shark as bibliophiles. Perhaps one of them is this 'keeper' of the Hersiliad Codex? Hersilia itself, Digna knows, was a planet discovered during the Angevin Crusade, that had the entire human population exterminated, was renamed and resettled, and expunged from the record. That's all she knows - poking around in the Black Datastacks after something the authorities wanted expunged wouldn't have looked good. They decide to target the loan shark first - kidnapping and interrogating some of his staff about any especially mysterious books.

Digna: The streetrat can tail someone
Skerrit: They can't even see that, its in my pants
All: *laughter*

Eniek: What's the book keepers name?
GM: Sigmun Barnfarter
All: *silence followed by laughter*
GM: BarnfahRER

GM: It's said he's quite approachable - if you need money.

Digna: Soylent Pink is heretical.
GM: Pink is not a grimdark-enough colour

Archimedes uses his telepathic powers silently and is in heavy concentration - the pirate doesn't know.

Lord-Captain Daniels: He looks constipated, I hope he's OK

A maid gets interrogated.

Maid: Please lord I have 2 children!
Digna: What age?
Maid: 11 and 7
Digna: Good, old enough to fend for themselves

This does at least terrify her enough to ensure she spills everything she knows, which isn't much. But in return for tactical info she gets a free lung-scrubbing, some precancerous tumours removed, cosmetic surgery and the suggestion she find a new boss. Right now.

Lord-Captain Daniels OoC: Come for the interrogation, stay for the boob job.

On the nature of human life :

Digna: A complex mixture of compounds that happens to sustain an intellect.

Further interviews (and telepathic interrogation) with some of the Loanfather's leg-breakers and steward reveals that he isn't the Keeper - but one Regimius, recently deceased, probably is, and the Loanfather has arranged a team of thieves to go raid the place the next night. Regimius' heir is currently trying to restore the reputation of the Sinophian PDF, said some things regarding this that irritated the rest of the nobility, and his father's creditors have descended en mass as a result.

But rather than befriend this potential ally, the group decides to just wait until the team of thieves have the book, and mug them for it.

The rest of the group wait until they're already inside then move into the empty townhouse they'll be using as an exit. Skerrit follows the GM's advice and hides on the Regimius' roof, and nearly gets spotted as a result.

Digna's Player: He used to GM Call of Cthulhu
GM: He's got a point. Just because I suggest something, doesn't mean it's in any way a GOOD idea.

Carnage ensues. One of the thieves even gets entangled in Eniek's servo arm as it's retracting after decapitating and dismembering two others.

Eniek: Excuse me while I remove this femur from my armpit.

The Hersiliad Codex is indeed among the bagfuls of books. So is something else - a case resembling a data-slate, locked and leather-bound. It tickles Skerrit's psyniscience.

GM: Do you open it?
Skerrit OoC: You run Cthulhu games, I'm not opening the book!

The enforcers have been attracted by all the screaming. Eniek and Digna just bluff their way out, relying on the enforcer's reluctance to get involved in apparent Adeptus business, while the rest of the PCs leave across the rooftops.

Eniek OoC: And we'll leave the enforcers to clean up the mess.

 

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Food Fight - The classic intro Shadowrun module.

GM: Seattle. 2070. The Night is Cold. The Rain is wet. And you are HUNGRY.
Ryleigh: I'd be surprised if rain wasn't wet.
Dr. Rubicante: Back in my day, the rain was wetter.
Backup GM: In the manasphere it has been documented to rain fish.
GM: It's the Great Equaliser. It'll stop a troll the size of a car just as easily as the smallest dwarf or thinnest elf. It ain't a weapon, spell, or even a dragon. It's Hunger. When it's time to eat, you just gotta get the stuffers in your stomach before you go berserk. What are stuffers? they used to be called Junk Food or Munchies. They're probably about as good for you as nutrisoy and krill-filler, regardless of the ads from the UCAS nutrition council.
Ripper K: I'm hungry. Wanna go get some protein bars?
GM: When the Pangs hit, there's only one place to go (especially when the sun rises in about an hour) to find that kind of chow. It's the place everyone loves to hate: Stuffer Shack.
Ryleigh: Let's raid the shack.
Dr. Rubicante: Back in my day, 'Stuffer Shack' was the title of porn. It was one of those cross-genre horror/smut pieces.
Anders "Hogfather" Lee: Still is Grandad, get with the times
Dr. Rubicante: I got with the times once. It was awful.
Ryleigh: They'd done porn in a Stuffer Shack
Ripper K: *looks smug* I know

Ripper K heads straight to the energy bars - 150% protein with added caffeine and red food food colouring.

Ripper K: Anybody want some Soya-Bulk? It's on special. Hey, banana flavour!

An elf-woman and her kid come in, a car explodes in the car park, the cashier gets knocked out, and four gangers come in and order everybody onto the floor.

Dr. Rubicante: You spilled my soykaf. Prepare to die, obviously.
Anders "Hogfather" Lee: You should all back the f**k off right now, you're not getting between me and my pie!

Ripper K points at the largest of the raiders

Ripper K: Hey! Hey, you! You allergic to nuts?
Ganger: Yes, what's it to you, blubberhead?
Ripper K: Hope you've got your Epipen. *kicks the ganger's nuts into his throat*

The GM (and temp GM while the GM had a guy thrown at his car at Subway) are still learning how to use roll20 for Shadowrun.

Ripper K's player: It's a learning experience for all of us. Especially for the ganger, who has just learned 'Wear a cup'

Another ganger screams, and unloads his shotgun at Ripper.

Ganger 2: What the f**k ARE you?! DIE!
Ripper K: What am I? Pissed off, chummer. Or should that be 'Chum'? *showing all those pointy pointy orca teeth*
Ganger 2: *starts backing off* Holy shit! I signed up to knock over a stuffer shack, not fight monsters! Frag this!
GM: He f**kin' Books it. There's a little something called Professional Rating. It's the WHAT THE F**K EVERYTHING IS GOING WRONG RUN AWAAAAY Stat.

We interrogate the remaining gangers. They claim they were paid to intimidate the elf. Blowing up her car was the chosen method.

Anders "Hogfather" Lee: Ngong Kau, idiot. Explosives on this kind of run? More likely to blow your idiot asses up.

Dr. Rubicante sighs softly, producing a scalpel from his medkit.

Dr. Rubicante: Do you know how much a Mortimer of London Berwick Suit costs? Soykaf stains are so hard to get off... I may need to sell some organs to help pay for it. Unless of course... you have some information interesting enough to keep me from cutting off that pretty little tongue?

But they really don't have much more to share. They don't know who or why they were hired. The elf doesn't want to explain either, at least while her kid is within earshot. Ripper volunteers to keep him distracted.

GM: The kid jumps up on you and gives you a hug, going wooow at your big muscles ans the fact that you look like big willy from the movies
Dr. Rubicante: Free Willy 7
Backup GM : big willy, hurr hurr
GM: (The KIDS MOVIE, not the Porno!)
Anders "Hogfather" Lee: Free Willy 11" more like it....
GM: Anyway - who's going with the mom?
Ripper K: LOL. wow, the accidental innuendo is strong today

Anders "Hogfather" Lee: Cute kid. So whats the situation here? You on the run, abusive husband, dealt with a dragon?

Apparently the kid's dad is an exec at one of the AA corps, and she was being paid a small remittance to never bother him again. She has no idea why the money has been replaced with explosives.

Ripper K is giving the kid piggyback rides around the store.

GM: Before you can plow deeper into this dilemma, however, You hear sirens in the distance. Knight Errant patrol this area, and they're on their way. Unless you want to have a nice chat with a nice officer who wants to know your SIN, I suggest you hightail it out of there, chummers.
Anders "Hogfather" Lee: Look, lady, do you and the kids want a lift home or something? I don't know what else we can do, I'll talk to the others...But uh, for obvious reasons we needs to make like a tree and fuck off

Dr. Rubicante OoC: I still don't know how to cast magic. XD Can I have some practice casts? Like, OOC targetting dummies. XD
Anders "Hogfather" Lee: Just use the ganger Ripper stuffed in the fridge.
Dr. Rubicante: Let's take the gangers with us! 8D Make them dump all their equipment in your trunk first. If they really just want to scare the lady, they've done their job and they're gonna get paid- but if they were paid to kill a woman and her child, well, sympathy is a privilege they do not have.
Anders "Hogfather" Lee: Fair enough, besides, they owe you for that free medical treatment
Dr. Rubicante: These medkits don't refill themselves, after all!

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Quotes from Owlcon #1

 

Serenity RPG

 

Miranda is going to be recolonized, but first the wreckage of the Alliance and Reaver fleets needs to be removed from the space lanes. Hundreds of independent salvagers have shown up for a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to salvage these wrecks. It's the space equivalent of a wild west land grab.

 

What could possibly go wrong?

 

 

Best without explanation:

 

GM: You tend not to find much intelligence in a library.

 

GM: Just so you know, the name of our regular game group is The TPK Roleplayers.

 

Cast of characters:

Oddo: captain

Carina: first mate

Marcelyn: pilot

Raakel: mechanic

Bertram: hacker

Wayfarer: the PCs' ship

 

The Wayfarer arrives at the staging area a day before the "salvage grab" is scheduled to begin.

 

Space station flight control: "Newly arrived vessel, please state your ship's name."

Marcelyn: "Wayfarer."

Space station flight control: "Please verify that your crew has no communicable diseases."

Marcelyn: "Uh ... verified."

Bertram: (muttering) "Not unless you count the computer viruses and worms I intend to distribute to the other crews."

 

Oddo: "Remember loose lips, something, something."

Marcelyn: "What's that about tacos?"

 

In order to make salvage operations fair, all of the independent salvagers will start the same distance from the cloud and cannot head toward the cloud until the designated moment. While waiting, we see one ship in the distance try to sneak in early ... and get promptly blown to bits by a missile from an Alliance cruiser.

 

Bertram: "I guess we're not getting much salvage off that."

Marcelyn: "Somebody on the cruiser didn't get their coffee this morning."

 

The crew locates the Drake, a Seraphim class cruiser, apparently in remarkably good condition and showing no signs of having been turned into a reaver vessel.

 

GM: The air is breathable, but smells of methane.

Bertram: "Don't light 'em up unless you really want to light 'em up."

 

Oddo and Marcelyn board the Drake (through the airlock) and proceed to engineering. Carina and Betram proceed to the Drake's bridge. Marcelyn remains on the bridge of the Wayfarer.

 

And then Marcelyn hears footsteps outside the bridge, in the direction of the airlock.

 

Marcelyn: (over the commlinks) "Did any of you come back to the ship?"

everyone else: "No." "Negative." "Nope." "No."

Marcelyn: "Shiiiiiit."

 

The Drake isn't a reaver vessel. It's a reaver habitat....

 

Bertram: "They're reavers. They're not right in the head."

 

Things look desperate, until Raakel manages to open the Drake's hold ... rapidly depressurising the ship. Of course, since the Wayfarer is connected to the Drake by an airlock (which has been reopened by the reavers), the Wayfarer is also rapidly depressurizing.

 

The boarding party is wearing pressure suits, and all of them are near chairs which they manage to buckle themselves into. Marcelyn on the other hand, has moved away from her pilot's seat ... and she isn't wearing a pressure suit. She barely manages to grab a handhold at the corner leading to the Wayfarer's airlock, but it seems unlikely that she can hold on for long.

 

So Bertram hacks into the Wayfarer's controls and shuts the airlock.

 

Marcelyn: (cursing in Chinese) "Who thought that was a brilliant idea?"

Bertram: (over the comm) "Well, you still have air to cuss, so it seems to have worked out just fine."

 

As the atmosphere blasts out of the Drake's hold...

 

GM: Is anyone doing anything else?

Bertram: (waves goodbye to the reavers)

Oddo: "And that's why I told everyone to stay in their pressure suits."

 

GM: (to Raakel) It's going to be difficult for you to reach the controls to close the hold without getting sucked out yourself.

Bertram: "If you wait until there's no air left in the ship, it becomes much easier."

 

Carina: "Technically the air is being blown out of the ship, not sucked out of the ship."

Bertram: (suggestively) "Suck ... blow ... it's all the same to me."

 

The ship finishes depressurizing...

 

Raakel: "I can repressurize the Drake now."

Bertram: "Feel free to give it five minutes ... just in case any of the reavers managed to strap themselves in."

 

Bertram: (to the GM) Does the pew pew still work?

GM: Yes. Do you know how to use heavy weapons?

Bertram: I'm thinking that a warning shot would be sufficient for most problems.

 

Marcelyn moves over from the Wayfarer's helm to the Drake's helm.

 

Marcelyn: (excitedly, looking at all the Drake's switches, monitors and controls) "This is awesome! I don't know what any of them do!"

 

In addition to its own firepower, the Seraphim carries six one-man fighters.

 

Oddo: "I think we're going to need a bigger crew."

 

For a number of reasons (particularly to conceal the fact that they had acquired an extremely valuable prize) the crew decides to grab a second, far less valuable, piece of salvage.

 

Bertram: "The next ship we grab, let's empty the atmo first."

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Quotes from Owlcon #2

 

Manapunk

 

Cast of characters (I didn't get most of the PCs' names, so I'm going to use class names instead):

Bard: she can sing loud enough to make your head explode

Shieldbearer: nobody gets past this immovable barrier ... unless they can hurdle a 4' dwarf

Swashbuckler: the standard charming swashbuckler ... dual-wielding spiked clubs

Gunslinger: a subclass of the mage, this sniper does shoot magic bullets ... with all that implies

Cultist: a psychic capable of instantly recruiting his own cult of personality

Inquisitor: you can try to stonewall him, but even stone walls reveal their secrets to him

Cleric: someone has to sacrifice themselves and fall on the cleric

 

GM: (handing out the cultist's character sheet) I know I'm going to regret this.

 

The city of Brigandis lost communication with the village of Winwood three days ago. A team of adventurers is being assembled to investigate.

 

Head of the Adventurer's Guild: "Adventurers have special skills that make them uniquely suited for situations like these."

Inquisitor: "Like expendability."

 

Arriving at the central square in Winwood, the adventurers discover a wedding, except the wedding party, the attendees, and the rest of the occupants of the village have all been petrified.

 

Cultist: "Isn't it bad form to get stoned at a wedding?"

Inquisitor: "Well, the bride was on board, so it's probably okay."

 

The magical signature indicates that a possessor demon is responsible.

 

Cleric: "This type of demon gains power through the bad deals he makes with people."

Cultist: "Kind of like a payday lender."

 

The cleric follows a trace of magical power to the bank, where a group of bone imps ambushes the party.

 

Cultist: (recruiting the bone imps into his insta-cult)

"I believe in you.

You believe in me.

Follow me.

Help me help you believe in you."

 

Cultist (ooc): (to the GM) You knew you were going to regret this when you gave me the character.

 

(Seriously, the character specializes in recruiting cannon-fodder. All the villagers were petrified. The only cannon fodder that was left was the archvillain's. Of course the cultist was going to recruit them.)

 

The Cultist and the possessor demon ended up in a psychic struggle over the bone imps, so it was safest just to

 send them home.

 

Cultist: (to the bone imps)

"Recognize your independence.

You don't need to be pawns.

You don't need to follow the orders of the possessor demon.

Return to your homes instead of following his orders."

 

(Yes, the Cultist's choice of words was intentionally ironic.)

 

Gunslinger: "You know your self-empowerment speeches are going to give the imps the ability to become greater demons."

Cultist: "Only if a greater demon doesn't squish them for impertinence first."

 

The demon's power is tied to his demonic contract. If all of the elements of the contract are fulfilled, there will be nothing we can do to thwart him. But if the contract is broken before the elements were fulfilled ... well ... that would be bad for the demon.

 

Maybe the demon shouldn't have written the contract on a clay tablet.

 

Maybe the demon should have stayed further away from the Gunslinger ... like on another continent.

 

Inquisitor: (using object reading on on a piece of the shattered clay tablet) "The groom's great-grandfather entered the deal with the demon. He received a large chunk of gold. In return, he had to repay the equivalent of 550,000 gold pieces."

Swashbuckler: "Why did the demon go after the great-grandson?"

Inquisitor: "The great-grandfather put in a clause that the contract wouldn't come due for three generations. He's already dead."

Cleric: "What a dick."

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Quotes from Owlcon #3

 

D&D 5th Edition

Blagarm's Basement

 

150 years ago a clan of dwarves sailed to the continent of Avenrock. 120 years ago, one of the dwarves returned, carrying a dagger capable of cutting through anything. 50 years ago, humans established the colony of Rioc Alair on Avenrock. Today, the adventurers have been hired to travel to Avenrock and find out what happened to the lost clan of dwarves.

 

The trail may be a little cold.

 

Cast of characters:

Brelk: dwarven paladin, a noble

Mari: dwarven fighter

Alek: human wizard

Mikara: wood elf ranger, surprisingly crude and uncultured

Gallidan: wood elf monk

Lisara: half elf bard

Alverten: halfling rogue

Hemrick (NPC): dwarven merchant

 

Of course, the adventure starts in a tavern.

 

Lisara: (picking up her lute) "I play better when I'm drunk."

Alek: "You think you play better when you're drunk. There's a difference. It may be subtle. It may be lost on you, but there is a difference."

 

A group of dwarven merchants at the bar is having a loud debate ... which is easily overheard.

 

dwarven merchant: "We need to find someone capable enough or foolhardy enough to undertake this task."

Alek: (a couple minutes later, to Hemrick, the youngest of the dwarven merchants) "What kind of capabilities do you seek?"

Hemrick: "What?"

Alek: "You're looking for someone capable enough or foolhardy enough to undertake a task. Hopefully we fit the former description more than the latter."

Hemrick: "Just a minute." (he walks back over to his companions at the bar) "Some of you need to learn how to lower your voices."

 

As Hemrick is talking, Mikara stretches, clearly displaying her bushy underarms.

 

GM: Hemrick is starting to get a little turned on by that.

Mikara: Not the reaction I was going for.

 

Mari: (to Hemrick) "Why didn't you send anyone to look for them before now?"

Hemrick: "We've been sending parties of adventurers for the last 40 years. We haven't heard back from any of them."

Allverten: "At least your expectations will be at the right level."

 

As the party's ship arrives at Avenrock, the first visible landmark is the 500' tall lighthouse adjacent to Rioc Alair.

 

Gallidan: "I need to see what I can perceive about the lighthouse."

Lisara: "Someone was compensating for something."

 

Brelk was impressed by the honesty of the first gate guard he met.

 

Brelk: "I never thought I'd meet a human who wouldn't take a bribe. I find it rather refreshing."

Alek: "You may not have. Perhaps you met one who wouldn't take a bribe that small."

 

Discussing ale kegs...

 

Allverten: "I'm surprised dwarves would use kegs like that. Wood is rather impermanent."

Brelk: "We use special wood. It's made of stone."

 

Mikara "borrowed" a dinghy from the port, in order to scout the coastline.

 

GM: As you took the dingy, nobody gave you a second look.

Mikara: They don't know it's not mine.

GM: You're an elf. They can guess.

Mikara: (grumpily) I'm being racially profiled.

 

Lisara woke up to discover a thief breaking into her room, so she cast Charm Person on him.

 

Lisara: And this is why I always sleep in the nude.

GM: The spell lasts one hour.

Lisara: That gives me plenty of time to ask all of my questions and leave him tied up.

GM: As soon as you try to tie him up, the spell will end.

Lisara: Not the way I do it.

 

The trail eventually (and unsurprisingly) led to Blagarm's basement, where the climactic battle occurred.

 

Brelk was struck by a couple crossbow bolts.

 

Lisara: "I see you know how to be penetrated."

 

Mikara took aim at the assassin with her longbow, even though Gallidan and Mari were directly on the other side.

 

Alek: "If you shoot from there, you'll be using the dwarf and monk as a backstop."

Brelk: "That's what I'm there for."

Alek: "It's the other dwarf."

Brelk: "I know. I'm volunteering her."

 

 

Needing no additional context:

 

Brelk: "Being noble is the ultimate skill for opening doors. Being a paladin is the ultimate power for establishing credibility."

 

GM: I regularly GM for 11 people aged 9 to 37. This can't possibly get as chaotic.

Lisara: So, what you're telling us is that we're not trying hard enough.

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Quotes from Owlcon #4

 

Savage Worlds - Fallout Metroplex

Presidential Detail

 

Normally I tolerate the GM's backstory. Other times I suffer through it. On very rare occasions, I enjoy hearing about it.

 

This is the first time the backstory has been funny enough to share.

 

When the nuclear war began, the Chinese launched three nuclear warheads at the Dallas region:

  • A 20 megaton nuke at Dallas to destroy the city and its inhabitants.
  • A neutron bomb at Fort Worth to kill the population and the cattle.
  • A bunker-buster at the super-conducting super-collider in Waco.
 

That was what they intended to fire. There was a mix-up with the serial numbers on the nuclear warheads, so they ended up launching:

  • An EMP burst at Dallas, which knocked out the technology, but left the population intact.
  • A bunker-buster at Fort Worth, which shook up the cows a little bit, but had no other effect.
  • A neutron bomb at Waco, which killed the population, but left the super-collider intact.
 

The President of the tri-state region is going to visit Dallas tomorrow. The Texas Rangers will be out in force to protect him, and the President has complete confidence in them. But the Texas Rangers have started hearing unsubstantiated rumors that someone is going to assassinate the president ... because that's what you do to presidents in Dallas.

 

The Texas Rangers can't investigate, because an official investigation would lend credibility to the rumors. But they can hire someone unofficial to investigate the rumors ... because unofficial people are just crackpots with weird theories.

 

The cast of characters:

J: the bloodthirsty heavy weapons expert; carries a full-automatic

Jimmy: the overweight, balding techie; relies heavily on "liquid courage"

Hector: the spy; a cross between "the most interesting man in the world" and "the truth is out there"

Rodger: the brawn; believes robots are trying to take over everything

 

Jimmy decides to ingratiate himself with one of the local techies ... by repairing a broken logic board for him.

 

techie: "That's great! I can sell this now! Is there anything I can do to help you?"

Jimmy: "Yes. Actually there is something you can help me with."

techie: (dejected) "Oh."

 

Little Tokyo seems to be the haven for the weirdos in town. It caters to the tech crowd ... but not the big, bulky, beautiful, chrome-and-steel American tech. This is small, sleek, weird, "Japanese" tech. It also has a lunch counter specializing in "foreign" food.

 

Just down the counter, five people crowd around a small "Japanese" tech box. J and Rodger are able to overhear part of their conversation.

 

Little Tokyo Patron #1: "... and next we kill the president ..."

Rodger bursts into action, tackling Little Tokyo Patron #1. J turns on his Pipboy's audio recorder, then pulls his automatic and covers the four friends. As everyone stares at those two, Hector slides over the counter to "get away from the violence". Staying out of sight, he reaches over the counter, slips the box out of Patron #2's hands and replaces it with a menu.

Rodger: (ready to pummel Patron #1) "How are you going to kill the President?"

Little Tokyo Patron #1: "I put the nuclear bomb in the briefcase."

Hector glances at the box and sees a the "Kill the President" computer game. The game is at the point where the nuclear bomb can be put in the briefcase.

Hector: (to himself as he tucks the tech box into his coat) "Well, it sounded like a confession to me."

As J starts shooting Patron #1's four friends, Hector grabs his binto box and strolls out of Little Tokyo.

 

The people in the tech area of Little Tokyo seem completely unconcerned with the violence occurring at the lunch counter. Jimmy is over there, making friends with Kenny, a teenaged techie who is showing him the energy cell charger that he built.

 

Jimmy: "Be careful. That will blow your face off."

Kenny: "I know. That's how I got thrown out of my last apartment."

 

Later, the team takes a walk (through wide open places) in order to talk privately.

 

J: "We did it. We stopped the assassins. We killed four of them."

Rodger: "And the fifth is in jail."

Hector: "Did you find the nuclear bomb?"

J and Rodger: "No."

Hector: "Then we're not done yet. There also may be a second group of assassins."

Rodger: "What makes you think there's a second group?"

Hector: (shows them the tech box) "It looks like those five may have been playing a game."

Rodger: "Are you saying that we killed a bunch of innocent people?"

Hector: "That's certainly possible."

J: "We got a confession. I recorded it."

Hector: "Yes, which is why I'm not worried about it."

Jimmy: (freaking out) "The one in jail, he's going to tell the Rangers that it was just a game."

Hector: "He's going to have a hard time proving it without this box."

 

It appears that The Church of 565 Kilocycles doesn't like the President. Someone in City Hall doesn't like him either.

 

The Church of 565 Kilocycles keep their radios tuned to 565 kHz. Acolytes perpetually meditate while listening for the voice of God through the static.

 

Hector: (to Jimmy) "Could you build a transmitter that broadcasts on 565 kilocycles?"

Jimmy: "Yes. Why?"

Hector: "I want to send them a 'message from God.' Tell them to go out into the wasteland and wait for the sign. That should narrow down the number of people we need to watch tomorrow."

Jimmy: "I'll need to visit the church to figure out how to do it convincingly. Do you want to come with me?"

Hector: "No. I want to snoop around City Hall before it closes."

Jimmy: (looking over at Rodger and J, and cringing slightly) "Um ... ah ... I'll take Rodger with me."

Hector: (completely undisturbed) "Perfect. I'll take J with me."

 

As Jimmy subtly pumps the Priest on how God reveals himself through the static, Rodger begins to have a dawning realization.

 

Rodger: (interrupting) "Wait, are you telling me that God is a robot?"

Priest of 565 kHz: (rolling his eyes to the heavens) "Fine. If that's what it takes to reach you. Yes. Sure. God is a robot."

Rodger is stunned by this revelation. As the Priest and Jimmy continue their conversation, he looks at the bible at the front of the church. On the cover it says, "The New Revised Lolcat Bible." Inside he finds a reference to the robot Roomba.

Rodger: "I knew it! God is a robot."

Thanks to the helpful priest, Jimmy learns enough (maybe) to fabricate a convincing transmission.

Rodger: (to Jimmy, after they leave the church) "If God's a robot, then me and him aren't on the same side."

 

Meanwhile, on the way to City Hall...

 

Hector: (to J) "I need you to wait inside the lobby. While you're standing there, I need you to try to peer in the back and glare, then check your Pipboy, then peer in the back and glare. Keep that up until I send a message to your Pipboy, or until they close City Hall."

J: "Why do you want me to do that?"

Hector: "If there is an assassin in City Hall, they're going to be worried about you. I'm going to slip into the back and see who reacts to their presence."

 

With J aggressively stationed in the lobby, Hector slips into the back and takes a seat at an unoccupied terminal.

 

Hector: (typing in the City Hall chat room) "Isn't the guy in the lobby the one who killed the assassins? What is he doing here?"

 

Following the clues, it appears that the mayor is involved in the assassination plot. It also appears that he's tied in with The Church of 565 Kilocycles. Fortunately, the ruse to get the Church out of town appears to be working. Most pack up and leave Dallas around midnight. The few remaining appear to be having a crisis of faith.

 

Hector: "I think the church members are patsies. I can't be the only person who figured out how easy it would be to manipulate them."

 

But there may be more of the plot to uncover. And how much should the Texas Rangers be told?

 

Hector: "... and we should tell them that The Church of 565 Kilocycles may be involved, but we've tricked most of them into leaving town."

Jimmy: "Do you really want to tell them that? One of the Texas Rangers may be tied in with the assassins."

Hector: "True, but there's not much they can do about that. What are they going to do? Broadcast that the previous voice of God was lying?"

 

There appears to be a sniper's nest in the library. Rodger will hide near the sniper's nest, ready to attack the sniper (or patsy) when he shows up. J will wait in the park across the street to watch for other gunmen.

 

GM: (to J) You can keep a watch for gunmen from there (gives a knowing look at J), because you know what a crazed gunman looks like.

 

There's also a Texas Ranger standing in the park near J.

 

GM: (to J) Do you want to point out the library window to the Ranger? Every bullet going in the window is a good thing.

Rodger: Not for me!

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Quotes from Owlcon #5

 

Adventure! (Pulp Fiction)

The Deadly Danger of Dinosaur Island

 

Where did a Hollywood producer get a dinosaur? Why did someone try to kill him for the secret? It's up to the Aeon Society to uncover the truth and set things right.

 

Cast of characters:

"Cactus" Carolina Vasquez: cowgirl and trick shooter

Lavonne White, "The Silent Spectre": female homage to The Shadow

The "Unbreakable" Dr. Samuel Glass: Doc Savage homage with a mechanical hand

Kent Woolsley, star of the silver screen: action star and ladies' man

Cicero de Valentine (NPC): legendary Hollywood producer

 

Cicero de Valentine is hosting one of his legendary parties. He gets the crowd's attention, and unveils a large dinosaur (an Allosaur) in a cage.

 

Cicero de Valentine: "We are going to make this magnificent beast into a movie star."

Carolina Vasquez: "Does he memorize his lines or use cue cards?"

 

The dinosaur bursts out of the cage.

 

Carolina Vasquez: (excited) "I ain't never seen a critter like this before, and I shore ain't never ridden one!"

 

As Carolina and Dr. Glass engage the dinosaur, The Silent Spectre dives under a tablecloth in order to change into her costume.

 

Silent Spectre: I quietly curse the need for a secret identity.

 

The dinosaur looks confused.

 

Carolina Vasquez: (to the dinosaur) "Honey, It's only goin' to get weirder from here."

 

Dr. Glass' exploding fire extinguisher impairs the dinosaur, but fails to freeze it in place.

 

Dr. Samuel Glass: "Obviously I need a bigger bomb ... or a bigger stick."

 

Carolina lassoed the dinosaur's muzzle.

 

GM: Your plan goes awry when the dinosaur lifts his head, leaving you swinging from the end of the rope.

Carolina Vasquez (ooc): Actually, that's still well within my plan.

 

The trio gets the dinosaur back into his cage, but the perceptive Dr. Glass notices flashes coming from Valentine's office during the chaos ... and a man in a black leather trench coat and hat fleeing the scene.

 

Kent Woolsley: (arriving late to the party) "I seem to have missed the party. What happened?"

Dr. Samuel Glass: "Sabotage, murder, an escaped villain ..."

Kent Woolsley: "So it's Tuesday?"

 

Kent and Dr. Glass enter Valentine's office, and find Valentine slumped against the wall, bleeding out from multiple bullet wounds.

 

Kent Woolsley: "Valentine, old chap, this is not a good look on you."

 

The German villain failed to get what he was after, a scrap of paper with the coordinates to Dinosaur Island on it.

 

The Aeon Society members hire a seaplane to take them out to the coordinates on the paper. To no-one's surprise, they find an uncharted tropical island at the coordinates. Minutes after making this discovery, the plane is riddled by bullets. The plane is being chased by members of the German Expeditionary Force, who are riding enormous pterodactyls and firing machine guns.

 

Carolina Vasquez: (eyes lighting up) "I want to ride one of those!"

 

One engine is struck by bullets and bursts into flame.

 

Pilot: "This flight is about to get rough!"

The Silent Spectre: "Take this plane down and land it."

Pilot: "Land it where?"

The Silent Spectre: "See the big blue parking lot below us?"

 

While The Silent Spectre, Carolina and Dr. Glass take their toll on the pursuing Germans, Kent gathers the packs and parachutes in preparation for a rapid evacuation.

 

Kent Woolsley: (handing a parachute to the pilot) "Here you go."

Pilot: (pulling the parachute on) "Thanks!" (bails out of the plane, leaving the Aeon Society members behind)

 

Kent Woolsley raids the wet bar, bails out of the plane, and lands on the last pterodactyl, right behind the German soldier. Immediately afterwards, Carolina lands on the pterodactyl right in front of Kent, kicking the German off in the process.

 

Carolina Vasquez: "Kent, you saved me a seat."

Kent Woolsley: (handing her a beer bottle) "And a drink."

 

Carolina guides the pterodactyl to a landing on the beach.

 

Carolina Vasquez: (shooting the pterodactyl in the back of the head) "Whoa."

 

There is a German Expeditionary Force camp on the island, complete with an electrified fence, guard towers, barracks, docks, submarine and a dinosaur stable.

 

Dr. Samuel Glass: (looking through binoculars) "I don't see where the leader's office is."

Carolina Vasquez: "They're German. Doesn't the Commandant's office always have flowers outside?"

 

The plan is simple:

  • Dr. Glass and Kent will dress up in German uniforms.
  • They will bluff their way into the camp.
  • Kent will steal documents from the Commandant's office.
  • Dr. Glass will sabotage the generator.
  • Carolina and Silent Spectre will stampede a herd of dinosaurs into the camp.
  • The team will escape by submarine.
 

Step two could cause some problems. Dr. Glass speaks German, but he's not particularly good at subterfuge.

 

Dr. Samuel Glass: "Do you know any German, Kent?"

Kent Woolsley: "I know a few lines of German. I learned them phonetically for a movie role. I'll be fine."

 

Dr. Glass and Kent, looking battered and bloody, approach the camp gate.

 

Dr. Samuel Glass: (yelling to the soldiers at the gate) "A plane crashed. We were attacked by the survivors. We are all that are left."

The German soldiers stare suspiciously at Dr. Glass.

Kent Woolsley: (emphatically) "Jah. It vas terrible. It vas terrible. Herr Doktor! Where is Herr Doktor?"

German soldiers: (nodding) "Jah, jah. Herr Doktor."

The pair are led to the doctor's office for treatment.

 

The two are left alone with the doctor. Then Kent knocks the doctor out, and the two are alone. It's time for a costume change...

 

Dr. Samuel Glass: "I have a clipboard and a lab coat. I know how to play this role!"

 

The plan goes well. The generator explodes. Seconds later, the herd of dinosaurs stampedes into camp.

 

Dr. Samuel Glass: (excited) "How many times does a scientist get to cut loose and watch a social experiment unfold."

 

Dr. Glass wades into battle with a group of German soldiers.

 

Dr. Samuel Glass: "Sometimes you need to break a few heads for science."

Kent Woolsley: "I thought that was 'eggs'."

Dr. Samuel Glass: "Well ... they're called eggheads."

 

Dr. Samuel Glass: (grabbing a soldier's rifle and punching the soldier in the face) "This is what I call a 'weapon upgrade'."

 

While Dr. Glass confronts some soldiers, Kent squares off with the Commandant. But the Commandant has a surprise up his sleeve...

 

Commandant: "Americans. I should have known. You won't get away with this." (yells loudly) "Release the Ubersaur!"

A massive Tyrannosaur bursts from the dinosaur barn. It is covered in armor plates. It has an anti-tank gun mounted on its back. Five soldiers man the anti-tank gun, while a sixth guides the Ubersaur.

Kent Woolsley: "Ubersaur? Couldn't you come up with an original name? This could be a movie someday."

 

The Ubersaur's anti-tank gun fires, striking the dinosaur Carolina is riding and killing it instantly. Carolina slides off the dinosaur and shoots the soldier holding its reins. He slumps to the side, causing the Ubersaur to start turning around in circles.

The Silent Spectre: (looking around the camp) "I can't possibly add to this chaos. I'm going to secure our escape route." (she heads toward the submarine)

Carolina Vasquez: (cheerfully) "I can definitely add to this chaos."

As the Ubersaur turns so its back is towards Carolina, she fires a bullet at one of the anti-tank rounds in the ammo hopper, striking it in the primer.

GM: There is a massive explosion. The Ubersaur collapses, torn nearly in two. Pieces of metal rain down all over camp ... And the Germans have discovered a design flaw in their Ubersaur.

 

The Commandant twists his cane ... and pulls out a sword. Kent responds by pulling out his umbrella. They fence....

 

Kent: I stab him in the monocle with my umbrella.

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Quotes from Owlcon #5
 
Adventure! (Pulp Fiction)
The Deadly Danger of Dinosaur Island
 
Where did a Hollywood producer get a dinosaur? Why did someone try to kill him for the secret? It's up to the Aeon Society to uncover the truth and set things right.
 
Cast of characters:
"Cactus" Carolina Vasquez: cowgirl and trick shooter
Lavonne White, "The Silent Spectre": female homage to The Shadow
The "Unbreakable" Dr. Samuel Glass: Doc Savage homage with a mechanical hand
Kent Woolsley, star of the silver screen: action star and ladies' man
Cicero de Valentine (NPC): legendary Hollywood producer
 
Cicero de Valentine is hosting one of his legendary parties. He gets the crowd's attention, and unveils a large dinosaur (an Allosaur) in a cage.
 
Cicero de Valentine: "We are going to make this magnificent beast into a movie star."
Carolina Vasquez: "Does he memorize his lines or use cue cards?"
 
The dinosaur bursts out of the cage.
 
Carolina Vasquez: (excited) "I ain't never seen a critter like this before, and I shore ain't never ridden one!"
 
As Carolina and Dr. Glass engage the dinosaur, The Silent Spectre dives under a tablecloth in order to change into her costume.
 
Silent Spectre: I quietly curse the need for a secret identity.
 
The dinosaur looks confused.
 
Carolina Vasquez: (to the dinosaur) "Honey, It's only goin' to get weirder from here."
 
Dr. Glass' exploding fire extinguisher impairs the dinosaur, but fails to freeze it in place.
 
Dr. Samuel Glass: "Obviously I need a bigger bomb ... or a bigger stick."
 
Carolina lassoed the dinosaur's muzzle.
 
GM: Your plan goes awry when the dinosaur lifts his head, leaving you swinging from the end of the rope.
Carolina Vasquez (ooc): Actually, that's still well within my plan.
 
The trio gets the dinosaur back into his cage, but the perceptive Dr. Glass notices flashes coming from Valentine's office during the chaos ... and a man in a black leather trench coat and hat fleeing the scene.
 
Kent Woolsley: (arriving late to the party) "I seem to have missed the party. What happened?"
Dr. Samuel Glass: "Sabotage, murder, an escaped villain ..."
Kent Woolsley: "So it's Tuesday?"
 
Kent and Dr. Glass enter Valentine's office, and find Valentine slumped against the wall, bleeding out from multiple bullet wounds.
 
Kent Woolsley: "Valentine, old chap, this is not a good look on you."
 
The German villain failed to get what he was after, a scrap of paper with the coordinates to Dinosaur Island on it.
 
The Aeon Society members hire a seaplane to take them out to the coordinates on the paper. To no-one's surprise, they find an uncharted tropical island at the coordinates. Minutes after making this discovery, the plane is riddled by bullets. The plane is being chased by members of the German Expeditionary Force, who are riding enormous pterodactyls and firing machine guns.
 
Carolina Vasquez: (eyes lighting up) "I want to ride one of those!"
 
One engine is struck by bullets and bursts into flame.
 
Pilot: "This flight is about to get rough!"
The Silent Spectre: "Take this plane down and land it."
Pilot: "Land it where?"
The Silent Spectre: "See the big blue parking lot below us?"
 
While The Silent Spectre, Carolina and Dr. Glass take their toll on the pursuing Germans, Kent gathers the packs and parachutes in preparation for a rapid evacuation.
 
Kent Woolsley: (handing a parachute to the pilot) "Here you go."
Pilot: (pulling the parachute on) "Thanks!" (bails out of the plane, leaving the Aeon Society members behind)
 
Kent Woolsley raids the wet bar, bails out of the plane, and lands on the last pterodactyl, right behind the German soldier. Immediately afterwards, Carolina lands on the pterodactyl right in front of Kent, kicking the German off in the process.
 
Carolina Vasquez: "Kent, you saved me a seat."
Kent Woolsley: (handing her a beer bottle) "And a drink."
 
Carolina guides the pterodactyl to a landing on the beach.
 
Carolina Vasquez: (shooting the pterodactyl in the back of the head) "Whoa."
 
There is a German Expeditionary Force camp on the island, complete with an electrified fence, guard towers, barracks, docks, submarine and a dinosaur stable.
 
Dr. Samuel Glass: (looking through binoculars) "I don't see where the leader's office is."
Carolina Vasquez: "They're German. Doesn't the Commandant's office always have flowers outside?"
 
The plan is simple:
  • Dr. Glass and Kent will dress up in German uniforms.
  • They will bluff their way into the camp.
  • Kent will steal documents from the Commandant's office.
  • Dr. Glass will sabotage the generator.
  • Carolina and Silent Spectre will stampede a herd of dinosaurs into the camp.
  • The team will escape by submarine.
 
Step two could cause some problems. Dr. Glass speaks German, but he's not particularly good at subterfuge.
 
Dr. Samuel Glass: "Do you know any German, Kent?"
Kent Woolsley: "I know a few lines of German. I learned them phonetically for a movie role. I'll be fine."
 
Dr. Glass and Kent, looking battered and bloody, approach the camp gate.
 
Dr. Samuel Glass: (yelling to the soldiers at the gate) "A plane crashed. We were attacked by the survivors. We are all that are left."
The German soldiers stare suspiciously at Dr. Glass.
Kent Woolsley: (emphatically) "Jah. It vas terrible. It vas terrible. Herr Doktor! Where is Herr Doktor?"
German soldiers: (nodding) "Jah, jah. Herr Doktor."
The pair are led to the doctor's office for treatment.
 
The two are left alone with the doctor. Then Kent knocks the doctor out, and the two are alone. It's time for a costume change...
 
Dr. Samuel Glass: "I have a clipboard and a lab coat. I know how to play this role!"
 
The plan goes well. The generator explodes. Seconds later, the herd of dinosaurs stampedes into camp.
 
Dr. Samuel Glass: (excited) "How many times does a scientist get to cut loose and watch a social experiment unfold."
 
Dr. Glass wades into battle with a group of German soldiers.
 
Dr. Samuel Glass: "Sometimes you need to break a few heads for science."
Kent Woolsley: "I thought that was 'eggs'."
Dr. Samuel Glass: "Well ... they're called eggheads."
 
Dr. Samuel Glass: (grabbing a soldier's rifle and punching the soldier in the face) "This is what I call a 'weapon upgrade'."
 
While Dr. Glass confronts some soldiers, Kent squares off with the Commandant. But the Commandant has a surprise up his sleeve...
 
Commandant: "Americans. I should have known. You won't get away with this." (yells loudly) "Release the Ubersaur!"
A massive Tyrannosaur bursts from the dinosaur barn. It is covered in armor plates. It has an anti-tank gun mounted on its back. Five soldiers man the anti-tank gun, while a sixth guides the Ubersaur.
Kent Woolsley: "Ubersaur? Couldn't you come up with an original name? This could be a movie someday."
 
The Ubersaur's anti-tank gun fires, striking the dinosaur Carolina is riding and killing it instantly. Carolina slides off the dinosaur and shoots the soldier holding its reins. He slumps to the side, causing the Ubersaur to start turning around in circles.
The Silent Spectre: (looking around the camp) "I can't possibly add to this chaos. I'm going to secure our escape route." (she heads toward the submarine)
Carolina Vasquez: (cheerfully) "I can definitely add to this chaos."
As the Ubersaur turns so its back is towards Carolina, she fires a bullet at one of the anti-tank rounds in the ammo hopper, striking it in the primer.
GM: There is a massive explosion. The Ubersaur collapses, torn nearly in two. Pieces of metal rain down all over camp ... And the Germans have discovered a design flaw in their Ubersaur.
 
The Commandant twists his cane ... and pulls out a sword. Kent responds by pulling out his umbrella. They fence....
 
Kent: I stab him in the monocle with my umbrella.

 

This, is why I love gaming. :rockon:

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Wherein we chat more with that hostage we rescued, learn more about why he and our boss actually got sent out here, and get yet more quests added to the mission log. At least no-one has asked us to go collect potion ingredients yet.

Lamech Judocus: Gnome Wild Sorcerer and former mushroom smuggler
Kavorog: Dragonborn Barbarian/Mage
Urlon: Elf ranger
Elthendial: Dragonborn paladin

The hostage, Sildar asks the party to take a seat. Three members of the party lift their chairs and start walking towards the door.

Sildar
: At least you're maintaining a sense of humour.

More quests for the PCs. Kill King Gurnt.

Sildar: Are you adventurers?
Lamech: I just get paid to escort the supplies. Then I was going to see what else turned up. Call us odd-job men. Troubleshooters. Itinerant troublemakers.
Sildar: Adventurers.

Lamech: Drive off or kill?
Sildar: Either.
Lamech: Drive off a cliff?
Sildar: That usually does both. Usually.
All: *turn to glare at the dragonborn that got the gentleman in question thrown off a cliff*

We do the required meetings and meals with the village's authorities and powers-that-be.

GM: Do you all have dress clothes for a formal dinner?
Lamech: I've got a piece of cloth that folds into a stylish hat?
Kavorog: I wear clothes?

We get offered chairs here too.

Lamech: Accumulating quite the collection, aren't we? We'll be able to open a furniture store.

Urlon: Are you by any chance psychic?
NPC: I'm a halfling matriarch, it comes with the job.

Lamech: Kavorog got kicked from his clan for picking too many fights and being a completely incorrigible trouble-maker.
GM: And that's how he became an adventurer.

Matriarch: And what are you, gnome?
Lamech: Mushroom aficionado.
Matriarch: Strange, you don't look like a druid.

Lamech: How attached is the taphouse's owner to the building?
Matriarch: Since the Red Brands effectively own it now, very. Good people do not go there.
Lamech: Well, that solves some ethical problems.

Apparently the elf cleric is a member of the Harpers, the loose network of do-gooders that are mostly famous because half of them are bards and are therefore masters of self-promotion.

Elf-cleric: I have a task for you.
Lamech: Just add it to the list.

She wants us to go consult a local oracle who also happens to be a banshee.

Elf-cleric: I advise diplomacy.
Kavorog: No kidding.

One of the local contacts wants to come on a trip with us, despite his sister's suspicions.

Andi Alderleaf the Halfling: It'll be fine - the Goddess blessed me at birth.
Lamech: And if we're really lucky we'll run over King Gurnt as we go down the road.

And thus we set off to collect all that stolen loot for the coster. It's certainly easier than any of the other jobs.

Lamech: *banging on pots and yelling* Hallu, Hallu, anybody out there? Poorly defended party here, we're carrying gold! Actually this works either way - the stupid ambushers will attack and get killed, and the smart ones will realise it's a trap and stay away.

We get ambushed by half a dozen hobgoblins anyway.

Lamech: So... do you count as smart or stupid ambushers?

Given they run forward, nicely bunching up for Lamech's Colour Spray, probably the latter. Although they do cut the cart's traces before they get hit, so as the two dragonborn and the elf continue the battle, Lamech and Alderleaf get carried off in an out-of-control cart. Lamech's Wild Magic side-effects don't help. But we survive and triumph and force the surviving hobgoblins into service - they're both living on borrowed time, and they know it. Oddly enough, there's an illusion of a gate across the entrance to the previously goblin-infested cave - not particularly plausible. A rockfall would have been more believable.

Lamech: We can always send the hobgoblins in in front of us - it's probably only a *small* dragon.

Unconvincing Booming Voice: WHO DARES DISTURB THE REST OF CUPRASULPHA

There's a small orange fairy dragon in the bushes.

Lamech: Why is it orange, with a name like that? Surely blue would be more appropriate. I know my alchemy.

The dragonborn and the fairy dragons exchange looks. But fairy dragons don't speak - they use telepathy. So whatever just spoke in the cave....

Lamech: Um.

Cuprasulfa, presumably a juvenile copper dragon, or a bunch of fairy dragons playing a prank, demands a story before they'll let us take any of the coster's goods. Lamech amuses it with a tale of smuggling wheelbarrows, and the new lord of the lair agrees to swap some of the hobgoblins' chainmail, and Lamech's magic hat, for all the stuff we're here to retrieve.

Lamech: It'll impress any visitors if they think you killed previous adventurers... (and I can all too easily picture a fairy dragon wearing a stylish hat)

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Me: Your neighbours asked me if I was here for Dungeons and Dragons when I got here.
Weldun: Ha! They love the fact we're gamers. They used to have party animals.
Titus' player: And now they have nice quiet nerds.
Weldun: Nice quiet nerds – plotting murder and arson, but at least we're not ravers

Shadowrun 2050: Paradise Lost Continued

 

Inkubus: We came to Hawaii for a holiday, discovered we're shit at them, so now we have a job.

Having theorised that Molokai Microtonics (2M) staged an attack on their own premises to steal the plans for a biofeedback filter they'd just perfected, we head off to retrieve the valuables. Despite the fact that 2M's head of security is a dragon, and probably came up with the scheme to kill his fellow employees, steal the prototrypes and plans, and apparently implicate the terrorist organisation ALOHA in the first place. We must be insane – this visit to Hawaii was supposed to be a holiday.

Inkubus: Back to Basics, baby.

Labrat: I'm in my hotel room with a hula-orc.
Greenlight: Trying to get the maximum number of spins.

Warhammer: I've been at the firing range. But it was already on fire.
Inkubus: Wait, back up, what kind of firing range is already on fire? Please tell me you weren't lobbing grenades into the volcano.
Warhammer: OK. It wasn't grenades.

But first let's go hit those terrorists that got framed for the attack. Apparently they were sent some of the files we need to retrieve, and attacking them will satisfy the actual conspirators and frighten off ALOHA. At least, that was our working hypothesis. We will be disillusioned soon enough.

Titus: Al Queda, ALOHA, Alamos 20K – all terrorist organisations are secretly run by Weird Al Yankovic.

Mary Falls has arranged a tilt-wing and pilot for us.

Inkubus: Great, you can be extraction if we screw up.
Warhammer: When do we ever screw up?
Felix: Well, we did hand over that possessed amulet and had to deal with a possessed dragon.
Greenlight: Hey, we warned them.
Titus: That was us dodging a bullet.
Felix: And we did do major structural damage to a historical building.
Inkubus: What? Wait, that Bavarian castle?
Felix: And the Munchkin Riots made the international news.
Inkubus: That was a micronation, that doesn't count.

Inkubus: I'm supposed to be on vacation. I expect to spend at least half my time with my dick sheathed in something.
Titus: Bags not it.
Warhammer: I've got a pot of jelly...

Pilot: Think of the money, chummer, think of the money.
Titus OoC: Distinctive Style: External Monologuing

Greenlight: You're the magical troll, Titus – we rub your belly for luck.

We rappel in and our pilot flies off to disguise the tilt-wing as a crashed WWII plane. The ALOHA base has an assortment magical alarms and wards. Happily, a competent team of adepts – or even a team of adepts like us – can sneak on in anyway. Greenlight tiptoes up to place explosives around their shamanic longhouse while Warhammer and Labrat overwatch. The Geese Shamans are meditating.

Inkubus: Put a parcel of explosive behind each one, like a little explosive bum-bag.
Greenlight OoC: We have gamed together too long, Tony – I was about to do that > :D

Greenlight: Let's blow this popsicle stand.
Inkubus: That's not fair – Hawaiian architecture really does look like it was made from popsicle sticks and matches.

(Weldun has some right to disparage Hawaiian architecture compared to his native Maori designs)

The explosion is quite gratifying.

Inkubus: Now it really DOES look like it was made from matchsticks.

Inkubus: They should have had some actual geese on guard. Them and ducks - total bastards.
Felix: They should be grateful to Peter Scott that there are any Hawaiian Geese to be shamans of.

Orc guards boil out of the base and get a nasty surprise.

Felix: As bits of longhouse and shaman rain down around them.
Inkubus: At least these guys just want Hawaii for Hawaiians – they're not COMPLETELY nuts.

Titus: I run up and bring the sledgehammer round right into the middle of his chest.
Inkubus: By which we mean the middle of his chest caves right in.
Warhammer: well, we have the musical accompaniment for this mission – Peter Gabriel.
Inkubus: sings SledgeHAMMER.

Felix: One of these days we're going to run into a group that has a sniper overwatching just for circumstances like this.
Inkubus: That's the way I'd do it. Or a bunch of Ares Sentinel P's with sniper rifles.

Inkubus magically glues the base's door open.

Inkubus: gestures with devil horns at the door
Titus: Why am I not surprised Metal Magic uses that finger position.
Inkubus: I'm trying to think of a good song for gluing stuff.
Felix: Stuck On You?
Warhammer: That's what I was thinking.
Inkubus: Nah, I need something Metal.
GM: Spice Girls?
Inkubus: Metal, not the Anti-metal!

The underground ALOHA base has a stage for live bands and a jumbo screen.

Inkubus: You see? See? This is what we need for the apartment!
Greenlight: Not a stripper pole?
Inkubus: Well, if it was MY apartment sure, but this is OUR apartment.
Felix: StripperBowl?
Warhammer: The single most-watched TV show in American history.
Inkubus: Hey, Titus, can you carry the Jumbotron out to the tilt-wing?

Felix casts Catalogue on each room as we go – we are here for a reason, after all.

Inkubus: Catalogue – How To Search A Room In Three Seconds.

There's a roomful of jamming musicians who haven't even noticed the explosion yet.

Inkubus: …. it's beautiful.... Stunball.

Titus: Warhammer can treat you for that Drain before you cast Catalogue again.
Felix: Sure. Pass me that damp cloth.
Greenlight: More like 'Slap you a few times and tell you to Stop That'
Felix: I don't know what half this stuff is! What's a Fuchi Cyber-6?
Inkubus: Expensive! Yoink!
Greenlight: Thanks for your contribution to the Orphans and Cheerios Fund.

We hit the kitchens next, where the staff are making dinner and can't even see our ninja girl as she ghosts through the room.

Greenlight: Right – Titus wants two pears, Warhammer wants a nutbar. Any other orders?
Inkubus: How about you?
Felix: Dunno – a sandwich would be nice.
Greenlight: I'll see what I can do.
Inkubus: What does it say about this group that in the middle of a run we stop for a snack?

The off-duty guards, who REALLY should have noticed all the commotion on the surface, fall easily. Some don't even wake up.

Felix: I know it works in our favour, but does anybody else get annoyed at how unprofessional our opponents are?

The next room has a woman typing away at her computer, and a white cat.

Felix: Well, there's the evil mastermind.
Labrat: Aims his gun at the woman. Hi there. Get away from the computer and move over there.
Cat: hisses and spits lightning bolts at Labrat
Felix: F**K! I TOLD you it was the mastermind!
Greenlight: And you were right!
Inkubus: It's a pokemon! Smash it!
Titus: sledgehammer
Greenlight: You really know how to pound that pussy.
Titus: I should have held it up to the sprinklers. Electric-type pokemon and water don't mix.

Woman: My cat! Do you have any idea how much that cost?
Inkubus: Stunbolt.
Warhammer: IOU One Magical Cat...
Inkubus: No we don't! People should be responsible for their own pets.

Her desktop includes the files and specs we're after.

Labrat: I drain it. And then drain it again.

Unfortunately the moment Labrat tries anything else the ALOHA decker notices something is going on, and every alarm in the place goes off. Coming up the ramp from below are more guards. Not really a threat. Although the ramp does puzzle us. Perhaps they'll be tracked drones soon? We're in for a rude shock soon - it's not drones.

Felix: They should have had a silent alarm
Greenlight: They need it loud – to wake up all the sleeping security.

Titus: We could have snuck in under an Air Spirit.
Inkubus: The Watcher Spirits would have reported it.
Felix: Well, they probably did try to report – to those dead shamans.
Inkubus: Hey! Hey listen! You want to know annoying watcher Spirits can be? Try Navi.

Titus: Hey, guards, you have a choice – Stun patches or stun batons. No need to be total arseholes here.
Guards: F**k, it's them!
Greenlight: You have five seconds to decide.

But with Inkubus' Concealment spell up we can Riverdance through the complex, or play the Metal cover of Mission Impossible. Which will make for interesting security footage later. Or slip interesting things into people's pants.

Greenlight: Reverse pickpocketing grenades.

But our confidence takes a major hit when we run into the Load-bearing Boss – 2M's Head of Security. A fully grown Feathered Serpent. Well, at least we know the connection between 2M and ALOHA now.

Felix: Can we go now?
Inkubus: We could....
Labrat: Do we really want to try and run away from a dragon, in an aircraft with no weapons?
Inkubus: Sigh... good point.

Dragon: You walk into my house. You steal my stuff. You KILLED MY ACCOUNTANT'S CAT.
Inkubus: It started it.

Felix: We're fucked. Either he kills us, or we kill him and we're still fucked.
Inkubus: Nah – straight up fight – the other dragons are OK with that sort of thing.

The hissing of fury becomes gurgling when Inkubus hits it with a maximised Orgasm.

GM: This is probably the first time you've seen a dracoform penis in the flesh.
Inkubus: Well, now I know why Hestaby doesn't return my calls.

Titus, however, manages to swing his own giant hammer, and Greenlight her own big expendable rod, so efficiently that the dragon manages to knock ITSELF out absorbing the damage (one of the quirks of the system).

Titus OoC: You rolled so well you knocked yourself out! Suck on that, you bastard!

And then we just pile on to make sure he never gets up again. And Inkubus harvests the body for reagents.

GM: I hate you all.

Felix' Catalogue spell produces a list so long he have to flick through multiple mental pages.

GM: There's sets of Simsense goggles
Titus: Simpsons Goggles?
Inkubus: The goggles! They do nothing!

It also lists the entire contents of the dragon's hoard, the most valuable items of which are a small case of unique bootleg recordings, which we would never have even noticed without Felix' Catalogue spell, and Inkubus to recognise them for their true insanely high value.

Felix: We buy a Hawaiian island. Possibly this one.

And now we can retire. After one last job – helping Greenlight hunt down her remaining family, and killing the Soft-eyed Man.

Felix: We're supposed to be on vacation, and we JUST KILLED A DRAGON.
Inkubus: Is anybody hurt?
Titus: Bubbles has a slight headache from all that casting.
Inkubus: F**k, killing dragons really is a holiday for us.

But we have a not-so-happy homecoming to Seattle. All our homes have been bombed out by an unmarked chopper. And all our friends and contacts are missing.

Inkubus: This is insane. We live in a high security area. Lone Star can't afford to ignore this. RENRAKU knows we'll escalate. I want a five tonne fuel-air bomb and a delivery order for Renraku arcology.
Felix: Actually... maybe it was the Soft-eyed Man
Inkubus: Hmm. Good point. First Gen flesh drone – probably has driven the original loopy.

Titus: I want to point out that I'm angry for the first time in years.

We get a phone call from a Renraku exec.

Inkubus: You'd better have something for me or I'm dropping an eight-tonne FAE on that fucking eyesore you're building.
Renraku Exec: One of our agents appears to have gone rogue. We apologise for any inconvenience. We would like to hire you to deal with him.
Felix: laughs hysterically
Greenlight: I demand the assistance of the Red Samurai.
Inkubus: Why, they're only good for soaking up bullets.. oh, OK.

And thus our final adventure will be a full-scale assault on Renraku Arcology, and getting paid to do something we would have done for free.
 

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