Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

[Drhoz]

The Cast -
 

Lamech Judocus : Gnome sorceror, always ready with a witty quip or some excellent narcotics as long as you're not a cop.
Kavorog : Blue Dragonborn barbarian, exiled from his tribe for some unspecified incident involving a kobold.
Elethandiel: Kavorog's cousin, despite the suspiciously elven name.
Urlon: Elf ranger, with a suspiciously dragonborn name. Perhaps they were switched at birth and no-one noticed.
Kerak: Dwarven troubleshooter. Or rather, dwarven trouble-axer.
 

In Tribor, a rescued Eladrin girl in tow, to buy equipment for our expedition to the Temple of Elemental Evil.

Lamech: An Eladrin, a dragonborn, and a gnome walk into a bar.
GM: All the bar customers look up, hoping this is the start of a joke and not the start of a massacre.

Urlon, that Red Wizard Necromancer, and other NPCs are already here.

Lamech: You mean the sacred woods outside town? Full of Zombie Ogres. you might want to do something about that.
Urlon: Zombie Ogres?
Lamech: Yup. If you don't believe me, ask the Eladrin.
Eladrin Girl: Those were zombie ogres? What's an ogre? Or a zombie?
Lamech: Oh you sweet summer child.

Urlon, and the NPCs, are intrigued to hear about our adventures, such as the encounter with land sharks.

Red Necromancer of Thay: Bulette skeletons? Yesssss....
Urlon: No.

We pay off Thorn for his months of service as party paramedic, and discover that Andy's looted sword is a +1 Elf Detection. The Red Wizard finds this highly amusing, and we get to hear his disturbing laugh for the first time.

GM: He revels in his subtle evil.
Lamech: 'Subtle'?

Lamech: The Red Wizards are evil, but they're Stay-at-home evil.
GM: Yup. They send out apprentices to collect artifacts.
Lamech: Or get killed. Which is a good way to thin out the apprentices.

There's a bidding war on that Wyvern carcass.

GM: There's even a few Halfling chefs who want to try out some Wyvern-based recipes.

GM: You're surprised Tribor hasn't been attacked by the orcs, but bad things happen to anybody that messes with the pilgrimage city. At least, that's what the tales say.
Lamech: Well, that's what you'd want the tales to say, whether it's true or not.

Local Law Rep: The Lady-Protector is eager to hear from you - we haven't had any visited from the west for a while.
Lamech: Well, yes, there's that dragon.
Every NPC in Bar: *starts listening hard, muttering, sharpening weapons*
Lamech: Oh, and if you hear about any blue dragonkin working for a green dragon, it wasn't either of these guys *jerks thumb at Elethandiel and Kavorog*
Urlon: Yes - they're dragonborn, not half-dragons.

GM: You enter the Great Hall attached to the Tribor Keep. There's a great flapping of wings.
Lamech: Venomfang! *dives under table*
GM: .... I'm tempted.... But it's actually a Noble Aarokokra.
 

The Lady-Protector is less than pleased at the reports of dragons, orcs, Giants, land sharks, and zombie ogres between Tribor and Phandalin. Our lack of info about the imminent elemental apocalypse she likes even less. Although the arrival of the Elandrin girl apparently fulfils a minor prophecy. It frees up her half-elemental councillor to assist us in the mission. A travelling half-drow priestess of the sun-god Lathander (which raises considerable comment) adds the information that something is happening in the town of Redlarch, involving the symbol of a certain evil Earth Elemental Prince. This sounds like a start for our investigation.

Priestess: I had to split up from my party after I became concerned with their moral choices.
Lamech: And this from the half-drow.
Priestess:

And bad news - an important diplomatic delegation has vanished off the face of the earth since entering the region.

Thorn: I suppose you're going to need that magic mace of Lathander back, to impress that priestess of Lathander - the know, the one with big holy symbols.

Local Seneschal: I presume the gnome is some kind of sorcerer. Although the lack of scales worries me.
Lamech: I'm not draconic - I'm a devotee of the Mighty Mushroom God.
Seneschal: Well, that answers that question.

The Lady-Protector gives us free rein over the pile of missing adventurers stuff, since most of them are probably years dead. She also gives us letters of introduction to some retired nobility who might have useful magic items to sell.

Lamech: What we need to do is find a few hundred Wands of Magic Missile, bundle them together, go find Venomfang, beat him up until he agrees to be our mount, and fly around blowing the absolute crap out of everything. Sound like a plan?

Recruiting everybody we can, including that Red Wizard of Thay.

Lamech: Just a minute, I need to work out these contracts - what do we want to do with the 'One Free Resurrection' provision? Pay for it out the party funds? And we'll need next-of-kin and preferred corpse disposal details, just in case.

GM: Recruiting the Fire Genassi might be hard - he's banned from town because of his attitude of 'Fire, yeah, burn everything'. Which might be a problem with those you with an injunction against starting fires.
Urlon: That was only in the forest.
GM: True.
Lamech: Put him on the list!

GM: What do you do with the people who say 'I'm fine as long as you ensure I achieve lichdom'?
Lamech: ...

Lamech: *checking the shopping list* One portable ram...
GM: I assume you mean battering, not the animal?
Lamech: *shrug* The nights are cold and lonely.

Lamech: Ok, I want to get a barrel of oil, a fire pump, and something to ignite it.
GM: No. I'm not letting you make a flamethrower.
Lamech: Pleeeeeease.
GM: A certain bear will turn up. Do you really want that?

It would appear our party is going to use very different methods than the murder-hobos of the other game. WE turn up with a small army of camp followers and reinforcements, diplomatic connections, and a wagon train containing anything that might possibly be useful. The other group just murder everything that might possibly be considered a threat.

[Drhoz]

Black Crusade : The Six of Thrones, Inverted 

 

Black Crusade returns, after a hiatus of a few months. The party has a few new acquisitions - their starship the Obsidian Resolve remodelled from q-ship to cruiser; an ally in the form of the Iron Warrior Warpsmith who assisted in creating the ritual that reshaped the ship; and a bad case of Nurgle's Rot, a highly contagious and incurable daemonic disease that will turn you into a Plaguebearer daemon after it kills you.

GM: Your internal diagnostics are reporting recurrent problems with maintaining homeostasis, beginning with elevated metabolic activity and an excess of bilirubin.
Digna: That's nice - now repeat it in a way the player can understand.

Eniek: I'm trying to figure out how I contracted it.
GM: Maybe it was that book about Nurgle you read. You know, the one that had all those Threat Biologis Extremis warnings all over it.
Digna: He's got a point.
GM: Nurgle noticed you were taking an interest in his cult and decided to give you a freebie. The Plaguefather is generous with his gifts.
Eniek: But it's a terrible gift.
GM: You can complain to Nurgle, and see how he reacts.

Not that Eniek intends to informs his teammates, despite the danger to them and everybody else on the ship. He's hopeful that his power armour's hermetical seal will prevent the Rot infecting anybody else.

Daniels OoC: We'll be fine as long as it isn't contagious, won't we?
Digna OoC: Oh, it is, it's highly contagious. Nurgle loves spreading his gifts around. He's a bit of a slut that way.

Even with his Regeneration keeping him JUST ahead of terminal decline, Eniek has a problem - unless he fully embraces the Fly-lord as patron, the only thing that can save him is apotheosis as a Daemon Prince.

Eniek: I need fifty points of corruption, stat.

Digna has a problem too - her future plans are unlikely to please her patron god Slaneesh, and switching her allegiance to Tzeench will guarantee divine retribution. So she wants to pacify the Prince of Pleasure with a few thousand litres of aphrodisiac, a coterie of broadcasting empaths, and a return to Scintilla. She has plans for Lord-Captain Daniels too.

Digna: We need to make the captain a hermaphrodite.
Lord-captain Daniel's player: I'll roll on the table the next time I have enough corruption points. Hopefully I won't get the one that fucks me.
GM: Welllllll.....
Digna: With Hermaphrodite......

But after dropping the Warpsmith off, they have an urgent problem with their warp-crafted ship. The hull is still unrepaired after the battle at Scintilla, and their original guns are woefully inadequate for a cruiser. Thus, off to the Hollows, where two rival Forges have chewed a planet down to to a stump.

GM: Yes, you'll probably want to get all those holes patched up before that Space Marine battle-barge catches up with you.
Digna: Don't worry, I've got plans for them too.

GM: The number of crew suicides is within one standard deviation of the norm.
Digna: Welcome to Warp Travel.

The Obsidian Resolve runs aground in a warp rift - the kind of hole in reality when ships are swallowed up and vanish off the face of the universe, or armies of daemons boil out. They get daemons. Infesting the crew dormitories.

GM: An infestation of daemon cockroaches, scurrying around behind the furniture when you turn the lights on.
Digna: I say we set the crew-quarters on fire.
Daniels: I have no problems with this plan.
Digna: I'm glad you agree.
Daniels: First we evacuate the crew.
Digna: You're already modifying the plan.

After the inferno kills off the daemon-roaches (and no few crew) Mama-roach turns up to express her displeasure.

GM: You know those photos of giant centipedes wrapped around their babies? That's what's wrapped around your ship right now.

GM: The daemon is currently feeling around for all those holes in your hull.
Digna: I'm not comfortable being grappled there.

The ship's guns do very little damage at first, despite the point-blank range.

Digna: You suck.
Daniels: I know, I know...
Digna: Well, Skerrit isn't here, I guess you get to be the butt-monkey today.

But they manage to drive it back out of reality with the other battery, get themselves back underway, and blithely sail on into a temporal hole, around it, and arrive at the Hollows exactly on time. The heretics are confident they have something to trade - the ritual for ship-crafting. Magos Onuris of Forge Pollix had already noted that the Obsidian Resolve wasn't the small raider that his sources had earlier reported, and didn't even need to fish for the information.

Adept Voyl: And how do you intend to reimburse my master for these improvements?
Digna: By telling you why the Obsidian Resolve isn't a q-ship anymore.
Adept Voyl: ... I see - I'd been instructed to ask how your cruiser came by that name.

Daniels: 'How did you get all those holes in your ship?' 'Growing pains.'
Digna: 'You know ships'
Eniek: 'They grow up so fast'

Voyl is quite hideously mutated, even for the notoriously 'self-improving' hereteks.

GM: Poor lab safety practise when working with Warp reagents - he kept licking his fingers.

But then Onuris encourages all his acolytes to experiment and take risks, since he's sure any that any that have designs on his position will get themselves killed long before they can endanger him. So it's practically certain that Voyl, and every other acolyte and heretek and spy in the forge, if not Magos Onuris himself, will do anything to get their mechadendrites on that ritual, and ensure that they're the only person that knows it. Digna promptly throws her ally the Warpsmith under a bus.

Magos Onuris: +++ The value of such a secret is inversely proportional to the number of people who know of it +++ What value do you place on your alliance with the Iron Warriors Warpsmith? +++
Digna: *shrugs* +++ Not much - he was an ally of convenience +++

Magos Onuris: +++ I will require a demonstration of this process +++ Until an area has been prepared, make yourselves comfortable, Magos Digna, Magos-Delegate Eniek, ..... human +++
Lord-Captain Daniels: Charming.
GM: You're given a noosphere password if you want it.
Digna: Nah, I learned my lesson about strange noospheres. I'm sure I caught something off Eniek that time...
GM: All those clickbait icons - 'What This Magos Did Next Will Astound You!'
Digna: I'll need to invoke the spirits of Norton, McAffee and Avast.

GM: Do you want to search the suite?
Digna: What, for the listening devices that are most assuredly there? No point - we can never be sure we got them all. So we'll assume we're being monitored and act accordingly.
Daniels: We could set the suite on fire.
Digna: No, they told us to make ourselves comfortable, not have fun.

Adept Voyl: +++ Your smaller creature interests me +++ Was it derived from a vat-grown subject? +++
Digna: +++ No, wild-type. I improved her +++
Adept: +++ Intriguing +++ I find wild test subjects are prone to unpredictable variation in response +++ My own research uses vat-grown human brains biowelded into a gestalt +++
GM: Daniels - you miss most of this conversation because you can't speak Binary Cant. Little Sister notices your expression and comes up to hold your hand.
Daniels: How sweet.
Little Sister: Good Doggie! Wuff!
Daniels:

Daniels: Did I ever tell you Little Sister is creepy as fuck?
Digna: She does have Disturbing Voice.
Daniels: She looks adorable, then she opens her mouth!

The research chamber has clearly been used for Warp research before, and the remains of the previous researcher are still being hosed off the walls when the hereteks arrive to set up their ritual - a transformation of a wrecked Sentinel Walker and assorted scrap into an Ironstrider. It goes smoothly enough, although it is interrupted by gurgling noises inside Eniek's armour when his spleen deliquesces.

Digna: If you loved me, you'd swallow that.
Eniek: I don't have a mouth.
Digna: 'I have No Mouth And I Must Swallow'?
Daniels: Even though I'm Slaneesh-aligned, I hoped I'm never as bad as you.

The result is a weirdly biological-looking walker, that on some principle of morphic resonance 'knew' it should have a monotask servitor wired into the cockpit, and 'decided' to incorporate the sacrificial victim, throat still bleeding where Eniek neatly sliced it to the bone, and cables running in and out of his eye sockets.

Daniels: .... that's reasonably disturbing.
Digna: Excuse me? This WAS a warp ritual.

The hereteks are unconcerned that Voyl, and no doubt Onuris, are recording everything they can about the Crafting ritual.

Digna: Because Eniek's got some of the runes inscribed on the inside of his robes.
Daniels: And if they try to reproduce the ritual without those runes?
Digna: 'Oh dear, it just ate you'.

Magos Onuris, who clearly wants the ritual at any cost, offers a well-balanced business proposition to Digna and the others, complete with suggested precautions and subterfuges to ensure his rivals don't find out.

Daniels: This Magos more intelligent than Warpsmith.
Digna: This Magos make contract... And why we all talk like Hulk now?

During the months of repairs and upgrades to the Obsidian Resolve, Digna gets a few upgrades herself - cybernetic tendrils perfect for delicate work, even if they have a disturbing amount of autonomy.

GM: Mechanical tentacle porn
Digna OoC: Surprisingly there isn't much of that. At least in 40K. Outside of 40K it's everywhere.

Magos Onuris has a further offer regarding the Obsidian Resolve's currently empty prow weapon slot - he'd like the hereteks to go test-fire a new weapon he's designed, and which he will install for free. Alarm bells ring - Onuris is being oddly reticent about the actual nature of the weapon, and the power requirements are absurdly low for something as lethal as he describes. And why doesn't he install it on one of his own ships?

Magos Onuris: +++ I would require you to test-fire it into an occupied planet +++
Eniek: What happens if we fire it at another ship?
Magos Onuris: +++ That depends on circumstances +++ Would there be other star vessels within 2x10^8 metres of the target? +++

GM: It sounds like a warp-powered Nova Cannon. An experimental warp-powered Nova Cannon.
Digna: I have two words in response, but not necessarily in this order 'No', and 'Hell'.

Plus this might be an attempt to sabotage the Obsidian Resolve, so Onuris will be the only person left knowing the ship crafting ritual.

Magos Onuris: +++ I am insulted +++ The weapon represents considerable investment of resources +++ I do not require such an amount of materiel to destroy your ship +++
Eniek: No, but it might be what is necessary.

They also pick up a replacement Navigator, an eyeless mutant who uses Haruspicy to divine warp travel routes.

GM: He'll need to string up and disembowel a crew member or slave before each trip. Of course, he's blind , so slicing open a hole and feeling around inside probably works just as well.

Daniels also acquires a set of Reducing Apocatheriums as well. The Imperium of Man uses these booths to render deceased citizens down into useful drugs and by-products. The forces of Chaos use them too - but generally ignore the 'deceased' bit.

Daniels: I like that. 'Please step into this box' 'Why?' 'Magic trick' 'OK' WHIRRRR-aRGGHHAAHHHHOHGODSCREAM 'Ta-da, he's dead'.

[Major Tom 2009]

Quotes (Part 1) from my Champions campaign, Stronghold Corrupted adventure:

 

The news for the week had an article about members of Just Cause going to Stronghold to observe and assist in the exorcism of Necroma, one of the Corrupted supervillain group.  (This was originally a group of a dozen missionaries in Nicaragua who had been kidnapped by cultists who then summoned evil spirits to possess the missionaries' bodies.  The heroes know this.)  I didn't actually run the exorcism before giving them the news sheets.

 

Malarky:  Did I miss something?

GM:  No, I'm going to start with the exorcism itself.

Malarky:  Well, at least we know up front that it worked.

 

Discussing travel plans:

 

GM:  (to Pops)  So, you're going to teleport everyone to Stronghold?

Malarky:  Even Maker?

Pops:  That's right.  She keeps messing with the teleport.

Maker:  What?  No, I'm not!  That was some villain doing it.

Pops:  No, I can tell it's coming from you.  You'll have to take a bus to New Mexico.

Malarky:  Yeah, you've got Teleport Herpes.

 

Since they have a few days beforehand, Pops and Maker decide to first try tracking down what is causing Maker to misdirect Pops' long distance teleport.  Maker builds a device to scan for energy effects that occur during teleportation, and they test it out.

 

GM:  How far are you teleporting?

Pops:  Just a few kilometers.

GM:  Okay.  (has Maker roll 3d6)  Pops, you end up where you targeted.  Maker, you have to kick on her flight so you don't fall into the Charles River.

 

Another test.

 

GM:  Again, Pops ends up where he targeted.  Maker finds herself inside a self-storage unit in Cambridge.

Shadowboxer:  The important question is, did you pay your monthly rental fee?

Maker:  It's not my storage unit!

Pops:  I think next time I'll try teleporting across the country, see which state she ends up in.

 

The particular energy signatures pinned down, Maker learns that not only is she kicking out this energy -- so is her costume, gadgets, even her entire lab.

 

Maker:  Is there anything I can do to get rid of this energy?

GM:  You can build something to remove the taint, as it were.  It'll take about five minutes to scrub you and your costume clean.  However, you notice that a little while after doing so, you begin accumulating that energy again, slow but sure.

Pops:  All I know is, when I leave her lab, I'm taking a long, hot shower.

 

After a few days fruitless searching (and some really bad skill rolls), Maker finally determines that the broadcast energy from the bots she stole liberated from VIPER is causing the energy taint.

 

Malarky:  Looks like someone got pissed that you keep stealing their stuff.

Maker:  What?  I only have two!

GM:  More like five.

Maker:  No, I have one old flyer bot, and one new one.  Remember, the other new flyer bot got trashed by DEMON agents at the mall.

GM:  And the flyer bot you sent to the Cross-Rip dimension that never came back.

Shadowboxer:  Plus the Johnny Five [roller bot].

GM:  And however many lab bots you took from that raid on the VIPER lab.

Maker:  (sulks)

 

After shutting down the broadcast energy and complete scrubbing, they try another teleport test.

 

GM:  (to Maker)  Okay, make another 3d6 roll.

Maker:  You've got to be kidding me!

GM:  Yep.  Just messing with you.  The teleport works fine.

 

The heroes travel to Stronghold, and I hand them some printed info about the superprison as well as maps copied from the Stronghold sourcebook.

 

Nexus:  (sarcastic)  Yeah, nothing's going to go wrong here. 

GM:  What?  The article says everything went fine!  (pause)  Should I pull out the hexmap of the area where they're doing the exorcism?

Nexus:  Did you make one?

GM:  Maaaaaybe.  (grins)  So, the deputy warden says that they'll either need to shut off the power negation systems there or do this on the rooftop, since they're not sure if the power suppression would interfere with the exorcism.

Malarky:  Shut off power negation throughout the prison?!

GM:  No, just on Level 6 of Main Security.

Malarky:  Well, that's okay then.

 

Circe's player wasn't there yesterday, so there's some discussion on what the team mentalist will be doing.

 

GM:  Would Circe be using telepathy on Necroma during the exorcism?  Y'know, to make sure the spirit really does leave her?

Malarky:  (heavy sarcasm)  Yeah, be mentally linked to the possessed person when the evil spirit is forced out of that body, with nowhere to go.  Can't see how that could go bad.

Shadowboxer:  That's the price you pay for not coming to the game.

 

Despite that, we decide she will only establish telepathy after the exorcism is done.  They're introduced to the priest, Father Joseph Bainbridge, who will perform the exorcism.

 

Maker:  Wait, Bainbridge?  Don't we know him?

GM:  If so, it's a complete coincidence, because when I typed my notes for the game earlier today I just opened this random name generator booklet you gave me and (closes eyes, opens booklet to a random page, jabs finger at the page, and opens eyes)  ...Joseph... (closes eyes again, jabs finger elsewhere on another page) ... Bainbridge!

 

Malarky watches the exorcism (ceremony?  ritual?  not sure what term to use) from the POV of the student of magic he is.

 

GM:  The exorcism itself takes about 20-30 minutes, lots of prayers and statements in Latin, use of holy water and blessed incense, what have you.    Malarky notes the various places throughout where he recognizes actual magical elements, with a fair amount of strictly religious elements that he's not sure are absolutely necessary.

Malarky:  Could I trim it down if necessary?

GM:  You could maybe do a short version in 3-4 minutes. 

Honey Badger:  (quoting from Spaceballs)  Right!  The short, SHORT version!  Do you?  Yes!  Do you?  Yes!  Good, you're married!  Kiss her!

 

Contrary to the players' paranoid expectations, the exorcism goes off without a hitch and is successful.  Circe telepathically confirms that the former missionary (Lydia Chavez) is free from possession.  However, all is not sunshine and roses...

Circe:  (through Mind Link to teammates)  That girl is seriously messed up.  All the things she was forced to witness and remembers doing while she was possessed...  she's extremely depressed, borderline suicidal.

Lydia:  (to Circe) Please, is there anything you can do, take away those memories?  I'd rather not remember any of that, ever.

Circe:  I'm sorry, dear, that's not in my wheelhouse.  Yet.

Pops:  But she's working on it.

 

The heroes are discussing finding the other items to allow them to exorcise the rest of the Corrupted, and the staff psychologist at Stronghold has a suggestion.

 

Dr. Crawford:  (to Circe) Is it possible Lydia could provide you information, from her memories of the time she was possessed, to tell you where the items were hidden?  Or failing that, info that could help you locate the cultists, so they can tell you where to find the items?  Having her actively helping free her fellow missionaries might help her get past the things she did while possessed.  And you could telepathically help her come to grips with things along the way.  (OOC)  This is the GM's heavy-handed way of having Circe not be a direct part of this adventure, but still helping move the plot along.

Pops:  Circe, going down to Nicaragua by herself?

GM:  Well, the two UNTIL agents that brought the tainted first aid kit needed for Necroma's exorcism will agree to accompany her.

Malarky:  Two random UNTIL agents? 

GM:  No, Lt. Truxillo and Sgt. Ishada.  [note:  these were GM-supplied characters played by Shadowboxer's and Maker's players the week before].

Malarky:  Oh, that's okay then.  They're good.

GM:  Plus, she'll maintain the Mind Link with the other Just Cause members.  If she gets into trouble, you can always "Pops" down there and lend a hand.

Pops:  If I'm not too busy with that cellular regeneration project.

 

After arriving in Nicaragua, Circe reports on her progress.

 

Circe:  We've located where the initial possession ritual was done.  (pause)  The Nicaraguan federales have a refreshingly accepting view of using mental powers on suspected cultists.

 

(to be continued)

 

 

Nexus: (sarcastic) Yeah, nothing's going to go wrong here.

 

 

You'd think that anyone saying this would realize that they're invoking the WestWorld Curse by doing so (tagline from the movie:

"Nothing can go wrong...go wrong...go wrong...").

 

 

Major Tom 2009

[Major Tom 2009]

Black Crusade : The Six of Thrones, Inverted 

 

Black Crusade returns, after a hiatus of a few months. The party has a few new acquisitions - their starship the Obsidian Resolve remodelled from q-ship to cruiser; an ally in the form of the Iron Warrior Warpsmith who assisted in creating the ritual that reshaped the ship; and a bad case of Nurgle's Rot, a highly contagious and incurable daemonic disease that will turn you into a Plaguebearer daemon after it kills you.

 

GM: Your internal diagnostics are reporting recurrent problems with maintaining homeostasis, beginning with elevated metabolic activity and an excess of bilirubin.

Digna: That's nice - now repeat it in a way the player can understand.

 

Eniek: I'm trying to figure out how I contracted it.

GM: Maybe it was that book about Nurgle you read. You know, the one that had all those Threat Biologis Extremis warnings all over it.

Digna: He's got a point.

GM: Nurgle noticed you were taking an interest in his cult and decided to give you a freebie. The Plaguefather is generous with his gifts.

Eniek: But it's a terrible gift.

GM: You can complain to Nurgle, and see how he reacts.

 

Not that Eniek intends to informs his teammates, despite the danger to them and everybody else on the ship. He's hopeful that his power armour's hermetical seal will prevent the Rot infecting anybody else.

 

Daniels OoC: We'll be fine as long as it isn't contagious, won't we?

Digna OoC: Oh, it is, it's highly contagious. Nurgle loves spreading his gifts around. He's a bit of a slut that way.

 

Even with his Regeneration keeping him JUST ahead of terminal decline, Eniek has a problem - unless he fully embraces the Fly-lord as patron, the only thing that can save him is apotheosis as a Daemon Prince.

 

Eniek: I need fifty points of corruption, stat.

 

Digna has a problem too - her future plans are unlikely to please her patron god Slaneesh, and switching her allegiance to Tzeench will guarantee divine retribution. So she wants to pacify the Prince of Pleasure with a few thousand litres of aphrodisiac, a coterie of broadcasting empaths, and a return to Scintilla. She has plans for Lord-Captain Daniels too.

 

Digna: We need to make the captain a hermaphrodite.

Lord-captain Daniel's player: I'll roll on the table the next time I have enough corruption points. Hopefully I won't get the one that fucks me.

GM: Welllllll.....

Digna: With Hermaphrodite......

 

But after dropping the Warpsmith off, they have an urgent problem with their warp-crafted ship. The hull is still unrepaired after the battle at Scintilla, and their original guns are woefully inadequate for a cruiser. Thus, off to the Hollows, where two rival Forges have chewed a planet down to to a stump.

 

GM: Yes, you'll probably want to get all those holes patched up before that Space Marine battle-barge catches up with you.

Digna: Don't worry, I've got plans for them too.

 

GM: The number of crew suicides is within one standard deviation of the norm.

Digna: Welcome to Warp Travel.

 

The Obsidian Resolve runs aground in a warp rift - the kind of hole in reality when ships are swallowed up and vanish off the face of the universe, or armies of daemons boil out. They get daemons. Infesting the crew dormitories.

 

GM: An infestation of daemon cockroaches, scurrying around behind the furniture when you turn the lights on.

Digna: I say we set the crew-quarters on fire.

Daniels: I have no problems with this plan.

Digna: I'm glad you agree.

Daniels: First we evacuate the crew.

Digna: You're already modifying the plan.

 

After the inferno kills off the daemon-roaches (and no few crew) Mama-roach turns up to express her displeasure.

 

GM: You know those photos of giant centipedes wrapped around their babies? That's what's wrapped around your ship right now.

 

GM: The daemon is currently feeling around for all those holes in your hull.

Digna: I'm not comfortable being grappled there.

 

The ship's guns do very little damage at first, despite the point-blank range.

 

Digna: You suck.

Daniels: I know, I know...

Digna: Well, Skerrit isn't here, I guess you get to be the butt-monkey today.

 

But they manage to drive it back out of reality with the other battery, get themselves back underway, and blithely sail on into a temporal hole, around it, and arrive at the Hollows exactly on time. The heretics are confident they have something to trade - the ritual for ship-crafting. Magos Onuris of Forge Pollix had already noted that the Obsidian Resolve wasn't the small raider that his sources had earlier reported, and didn't even need to fish for the information.

 

Adept Voyl: And how do you intend to reimburse my master for these improvements?

Digna: By telling you why the Obsidian Resolve isn't a q-ship anymore.

Adept Voyl: ... I see - I'd been instructed to ask how your cruiser came by that name.

 

Daniels: 'How did you get all those holes in your ship?' 'Growing pains.'

Digna: 'You know ships'

Eniek: 'They grow up so fast'

 

Voyl is quite hideously mutated, even for the notoriously 'self-improving' hereteks.

 

GM: Poor lab safety practise when working with Warp reagents - he kept licking his fingers.

 

But then Onuris encourages all his acolytes to experiment and take risks, since he's sure any that any that have designs on his position will get themselves killed long before they can endanger him. So it's practically certain that Voyl, and every other acolyte and heretek and spy in the forge, if not Magos Onuris himself, will do anything to get their mechadendrites on that ritual, and ensure that they're the only person that knows it. Digna promptly throws her ally the Warpsmith under a bus.

 

Magos Onuris: +++ The value of such a secret is inversely proportional to the number of people who know of it +++ What value do you place on your alliance with the Iron Warriors Warpsmith? +++

Digna: *shrugs* +++ Not much - he was an ally of convenience +++

 

Magos Onuris: +++ I will require a demonstration of this process +++ Until an area has been prepared, make yourselves comfortable, Magos Digna, Magos-Delegate Eniek, ..... human +++

Lord-Captain Daniels: Charming.

GM: You're given a noosphere password if you want it.

Digna: Nah, I learned my lesson about strange noospheres. I'm sure I caught something off Eniek that time...

GM: All those clickbait icons - 'What This Magos Did Next Will Astound You!'

Digna: I'll need to invoke the spirits of Norton, McAffee and Avast.

 

GM: Do you want to search the suite?

Digna: What, for the listening devices that are most assuredly there? No point - we can never be sure we got them all. So we'll assume we're being monitored and act accordingly.

Daniels: We could set the suite on fire.

Digna: No, they told us to make ourselves comfortable, not have fun.

 

Adept Voyl: +++ Your smaller creature interests me +++ Was it derived from a vat-grown subject? +++

Digna: +++ No, wild-type. I improved her +++

Adept: +++ Intriguing +++ I find wild test subjects are prone to unpredictable variation in response +++ My own research uses vat-grown human brains biowelded into a gestalt +++

GM: Daniels - you miss most of this conversation because you can't speak Binary Cant. Little Sister notices your expression and comes up to hold your hand.

Daniels: How sweet.

Little Sister: Good Doggie! Wuff!

Daniels:

 

Daniels: Did I ever tell you Little Sister is creepy as fuck?

Digna: She does have Disturbing Voice.

Daniels: She looks adorable, then she opens her mouth!

 

The research chamber has clearly been used for Warp research before, and the remains of the previous researcher are still being hosed off the walls when the hereteks arrive to set up their ritual - a transformation of a wrecked Sentinel Walker and assorted scrap into an Ironstrider. It goes smoothly enough, although it is interrupted by gurgling noises inside Eniek's armour when his spleen deliquesces.

 

Digna: If you loved me, you'd swallow that.

Eniek: I don't have a mouth.

Digna: 'I have No Mouth And I Must Swallow'?

Daniels: Even though I'm Slaneesh-aligned, I hoped I'm never as bad as you.

 

The result is a weirdly biological-looking walker, that on some principle of morphic resonance 'knew' it should have a monotask servitor wired into the cockpit, and 'decided' to incorporate the sacrificial victim, throat still bleeding where Eniek neatly sliced it to the bone, and cables running in and out of his eye sockets.

 

Daniels: .... that's reasonably disturbing.

Digna: Excuse me? This WAS a warp ritual.

 

The hereteks are unconcerned that Voyl, and no doubt Onuris, are recording everything they can about the Crafting ritual.

 

Digna: Because Eniek's got some of the runes inscribed on the inside of his robes.

Daniels: And if they try to reproduce the ritual without those runes?

Digna: 'Oh dear, it just ate you'.

 

Magos Onuris, who clearly wants the ritual at any cost, offers a well-balanced business proposition to Digna and the others, complete with suggested precautions and subterfuges to ensure his rivals don't find out.

 

Daniels: This Magos more intelligent than Warpsmith.

Digna: This Magos make contract... And why we all talk like Hulk now?

 

During the months of repairs and upgrades to the Obsidian Resolve, Digna gets a few upgrades herself - cybernetic tendrils perfect for delicate work, even if they have a disturbing amount of autonomy.

 

GM: Mechanical tentacle porn

Digna OoC: Surprisingly there isn't much of that. At least in 40K. Outside of 40K it's everywhere.

 

Magos Onuris has a further offer regarding the Obsidian Resolve's currently empty prow weapon slot - he'd like the hereteks to go test-fire a new weapon he's designed, and which he will install for free. Alarm bells ring - Onuris is being oddly reticent about the actual nature of the weapon, and the power requirements are absurdly low for something as lethal as he describes. And why doesn't he install it on one of his own ships?

 

Magos Onuris: +++ I would require you to test-fire it into an occupied planet +++

Eniek: What happens if we fire it at another ship?

Magos Onuris: +++ That depends on circumstances +++ Would there be other star vessels within 2x10^8 metres of the target? +++

 

GM: It sounds like a warp-powered Nova Cannon. An experimental warp-powered Nova Cannon.

Digna: I have two words in response, but not necessarily in this order 'No', and 'Hell'.

 

Plus this might be an attempt to sabotage the Obsidian Resolve, so Onuris will be the only person left knowing the ship crafting ritual.

 

Magos Onuris: +++ I am insulted +++ The weapon represents considerable investment of resources +++ I do not require such an amount of materiel to destroy your ship +++

Eniek: No, but it might be what is necessary.

 

They also pick up a replacement Navigator, an eyeless mutant who uses Haruspicy to divine warp travel routes.

 

GM: He'll need to string up and disembowel a crew member or slave before each trip. Of course, he's blind , so slicing open a hole and feeling around inside probably works just as well.

 

Daniels also acquires a set of Reducing Apocatheriums as well. The Imperium of Man uses these booths to render deceased citizens down into useful drugs and by-products. The forces of Chaos use them too - but generally ignore the 'deceased' bit.

 

Daniels: I like that. 'Please step into this box' 'Why?' 'Magic trick' 'OK' WHIRRRR-aRGGHHAAHHHHOHGODSCREAM 'Ta-da, he's dead'.

 

Sounds like Magos Onuris not only had way too much time on his hands, but also spent that time watching archived episodes

of Star Blazers and Space Battleship Yamato: 2199, and voila!

 

Instant Wave-Motion Nova Cannon ("Removing final safety lock. Chamber pressure at maximum.")!

 

:jawdrop: :jawdrop:

 

 

Major Tom 2009

Safety lock? What's that?

[TheQuestionMan]

No guts, no galaxy!

[Drhoz]

Sounds like Magos Onuris not only had way too much time on his hands, but also spent that time watching archived episodes

of Star Blazers and Space Battleship Yamato: 2199, and voila!

 

Instant Wave-Motion Nova Cannon ("Removing final safety lock. Chamber pressure at maximum.")!

 

:jawdrop: :jawdrop:

 

 

Major Tom 2009

Safety lock? What's that?

 Nods - I did have the Wave Motion Gun in mind.

 

Hmm. That's odd - I'm sure I'd replaced Haruspicy with Splanchomancy before I posted this. I even checked the spelling. Both of them involve divining from entrails, but the latter is specifically human entrails. Ah well - what jolly people our ancestors were.

[Ragitsu]

Upon badly botching a Survival roll.

 

"Death by poisonous berries...from boring to bullshit in five seconds flat."

[BoloOfEarth]

Ran my players against a revived Terror Incorporado over the past two weeks, though I started them off with a 4-day weekend at Sanctuary.  It's the first time any of these heroes have been there, and the first time two of the players (Circe and Pops) have even heard of it.

 

GM:  Gerald Donner, CEO of Donner Technologies, is paying for an all-expense vacation on Sanctuary for Just Cause as thanks for freeing him and the other former missionaries from their possession by the Corrupted spirits.

Maker:  Who was Donner?
GM:  He was the Anti-Pope.

Honey Badger:  The important question is, does he want his hat back?

GM:  He did say he'd like to take a look at it.  He's an engineer in his own right, and is interested in the teleportation technology the Corrupted put in there.

Circe:  Probably not a good idea.  That's just a supervillian origin waiting to happen.

 

GM:  So other than sunning yourselves on the beach, what would you like to do?

Nexus:  Can we rent a boat and do some deep-sea fishing?

GM:  Sure, you can rent a boat and run it yourself, or charter a boat and crew.

Nexus:  I don't know how to drive a boat, so probably best to charter one with a crew.

GM:  Anyone else going along?

Malarky:  With all the C'thulhu stuff we've been dealing with lately, count me out.  I'll just watch from the beach as the Kraken attacks the boat.

 

The heroes interact socially with their peers, both heroes and villains.

 

Circe:  Don't you feel a bit... exposed, walking around without your costumes? 

Black Diamond:  Well, I still wear a domino mask.  But that's why I've got the string bikini on.  Most of the guys here probably can't tell you if I even have a face, let alone what it looks like.

 

The heroes run into members of A-Team, some of whom just got freed from Stronghold thanks to the Corrupted.  Agrippa (the A-Team mage) takes Malarky (the Just Cause mage) aside to chat.

 

Agrippa:  I wanted to let you know that DEMON tried to hire the A-Team to retrieve something from Isla Muerte.  Ankylosaur said no, since they hunt me on occasion.

Malarky:  (OOC)  Isla Muerte - what's that?

GM:  It's the former base of Terror Inc., off the coast of Peru.  It's been pretty much deserted since Profesor Muerte got killed by Scorpia and Feur and his organization broke up.  About, what, 15 years ago.  Maybe more.

Malarky:  (IC)  So why are you telling me this?

Agrippa:  DEMON's not nice people, and as I said, they hunt me.  It serves them right if they get some hero attention. 

 

This gets filed under "nice to know, but we really don't care enough to investigate"... until they get their week's Heronet Herald news sheet and see an article about a Peruvian superhero (Libertador) who disappeared while investigating the murders of several current and past Peruvian ministers (basically, cabinet-level people).

 

Malarky:  Apparently, someone at Heronet wants us to look into this.

 

Pops:  I'm noticing - for a Boston hero group, we've been spending a lot of time outside Boston lately.

 

The heroes peruse UNTIL's dossier on Isla Muerte.  (Unfortunately, their contact couldn't locate a map of the facility found underneath Muerte's hacienda.)

 

Honey Badger:  This says that there are rumors the island is haunted by the ghosts of dead villagers and Terror agents.

Circe:  Hey, Nexus, this is right up your alley!

 

Tapping various sources, the heroes learn that the deceased ministers all had revealed info about Profesor Muerte's activities, in exchange for freedom for prosecution about past ties to Muerte, shortly after his death.

 

Malarky:  Corrupt government officials.  Imagine that.

GM:  And now you know why Peru kept UNTIL from just wiping out Muerte.  He had enough people in his pocket.

 

Most superheroes in Peru are pretty local -- the only two that seem to operate throughout the country are Libertador and Kina Dinamita.

 

GM:  Kina is an actual person, a female Peruvian boxer who's fairly famous down there.  Someone created a comic book character based on her, so I just had to run with it.

 

Circe calls Kina to compare notes, and learns that Kina actually went to Isla Muete at the Peruvian military's invitation about 5 years ago.

 

Circe:  I don't suppose you'd let me read your mind and see what you saw there.

Kina:  I've never had my mind read - at least, that I know of.    I guess that would be okay.

Circe:  (incredulous)  Really?!  Um, I mean, you're sure don't mind?

Kina:  As long as you restrict it to only looking at the memories of what I saw that day.

Circe:  I'll agree to that. 

 

Through the Mind Link, the heroes of Just Cause see the mass graves, the devastated village of San Muerte, the hacienda of Muerte that has been pulverized by the Peruvian military after Muerte's death.  They also see as Kina cleared some fallen stone blocking an elevator shaft, and the soldiers and Kina explored the underground facility beneath the hacienda.  (It was pretty completely stripped by the Peruvian government prior to inviting UNTIL in.)

 

GM:  After you're done with that, are you going to do any other rooting around inside her head?

Circe:  Tempted, but no, I'll stick to what we agreed.

 

With Pops' help the heroes teleport down to the island, where Nexus is nervous she's going to run into way too many ghosts, especially when they check out the mass graves.  Strangely, there is a distinct lack of ghosts in that area.  However, they notice signs that someone had dug up the grave at some point relatively recently (several months ago).  Honey Badger volunteers to use his tunneling to check out the contents of the mass grave.

 

GM:  Really?  You want to dig around in a mass grave?

HB:  (shrug) Honey Badger don't care.

 

He finds a number of empty body bags that had been ripped open.  The only bodies still in the mass grave seem to be children or elderly.

 

Circe:  Ripped open, like from the inside?  Dead rising from the grave?

GM:  Looks like they were dug up, ripped open, some bodies removed, and the empty and unwanted body bags tossed back into the hole before they refilled it.
HB:  But ripped open?  Those things have zippers, you know.

GM:  Could be whoever's behind it didn't have very skilled labor.  "Open that."  (riiiip)  (sigh)  "You could have unzipped it." 

 

(more to follow)

[DasBroot]

 A post nuclear 'Fallout' style game I'm in.  My character is sex addict with the social skills needed to get a near 100% success rate and while I don't eat up a lot of play time with it in order to not be disruptive the GM always makes sure to include throwaway lines even in travel montages about his conquests and we *have* been run out of town before.

 

Upon reaching a fortification in hostile ghoul territory:

 

Gate Guards: "If you want to stay with the Sewer Rats for the night. You will need to offer trade - or tribute."

 

*everyone at the table immediately looks at me, in character and out*

 

Vega (me): "*sigh* If I must..."

 

(We ended up raiding an abandoned hospital for medical supplies instead)

 

After we headed back and were waiting for entrance

 

Grim (the hardened survivor soldier): "Well, if Kas' (our merchant player character) oral skill doesn't pan out here...."

[Christopher]

He finds a number of empty body bags that had been ripped open.  The only bodies still in the mass grave seem to be children or elderly.

 

Circe:  Ripped open, like from the inside?  Dead rising from the grave?

GM:  Looks like they were dug up, ripped open, some bodies removed, and the empty and unwanted body bags tossed back into the hole before they refilled it.

HB:  But ripped open?  Those things have zippers, you know.

GM:  Could be whoever's behind it didn't have very skilled labor.  "Open that."  (riiiip)  (sigh)  "You could have unzipped it." 

 

(more to follow)

Somebody stealing bodies, of only grow up people. No ghosts present. Unsklilled labor.

Anybody else smell some necromancy in the air?

[Drhoz]

D&D : Surrounded by Shadows - Edgy!
On Lamech dual-wielding magical staffs.

GM: All you need are skis and cold weather and you can pole yourself around.

Lamech: Halfling barbarians aren't THAT hard to find - you just need to hang around the pubs on a Saturday night, after the soccer game finishes.

GM: People laughed when you announced your (invented) prophecy, but when you got to Tribor there were corroborative details.
Lamech: Funny how that works out.

GM: I hope there's nobody with a fear of heights in the party - because you'll be crossing a very high viaduct that doesn't have any safety rails. Because Dwarves.
Kavorog: Fuck OSHA
Lamech: Yes, all those 'unfortunate industrial accidents' whenever the elves are visiting.

Kerak: So, Lamech, is your riding dog a corgi?
Lamech: Himalayan Mastiff.
Kerak: .... Alrighty then.



Kerak: If you take the Sword of Vengeance, Urlon, you should be fine. Unless you get hit by friendly fire, anyway.
Lamech: Well, Elethandiel isn't here so that's unlikely to happen.

GM: And somewhere around here is the green dragon Claughmatir.
Kerak: Old Gnaw-bones?
Lamech: And probably Venomfang's mum. How much you want to bet he's gone back to complain to her?
GM: Depends on how independent he actually is
Kerak: 'They keep killing my minions!'
Lamech: 'And I've brought a bag of laundry'

Lamech: *looking at the viaduct* You know, this would be an excellent place to be ambushed.
Kerak: Can we camp ON the bridge?
Lamech: Sure, if you're suicidal.

Happily there's a fortified waystation. We get attacked anyway.

GM: It's the middle of the night and there's a slow heavy knock on the gate.
Lamech: No salesmen!

The figure, in full plate, has no horse and doesn't answer when asked if he needs help. Lamech deliberately fails a paranoia check, for reasons of drama.

Lamech: Hmm - if he's off his horse and can't speak, he clearly needs help. Let him in and break out the healing pack.

The figure actually HAS been wounded, and isn't some kind of lurching undead. However, he does have prominent canines, he can't speak anything intelligible, and draws a half-circle, pointing to himself, dotted lines, crossed swords, etc. Lamech eventually figures out that he must have got here through the Shadowfell, which means he could have come from ANYWHERE.

Lamech OoC: It's Kaldor Draigo!
Kerak OoC: With prominent canines?
Lamech OoC: Well, it's not Leman Russ, obviously - he hasn't started drinking yet.

We eventually determine he had been trying to get to the Shadowgate under the Phandalin manor - the one we had filled up with rocks. Lamech hands him a shovel and mimes digging it out. The probable werewolf looks very tempted into using the shovel in an unaccustomed manner.

Lamech: Beat us to death with it - fair enough.

He's also completely unsurprised by the presence of two dragonborn in the party, despite dragonborn being so rare on this planet.

Lamech OoC: He's from the Mary Sue dimension! Maybe he really is Kaldor Draigo.

Still, all this indicates that there's a Shadowgate somewhere in the Redlarch valley - and it's still open.

GM: And every Australian farmer is screaming 'SHUT THE DAMN GATE'

Random Travelling God-botherer: Did you know that Shadows are derived from Paladins? They suppress all their inner evil until it manifests in the Shadowfell as a monster.
Lamech: What, and not as a goatee?

Aaaaaaand just like a pessimist would predict, a peek over the waystation's palisade reveals multiple Shadows.

Lamech: Gentlemen.... Trollstop Inn is now a Base Under Siege.

Kerak uses Sacred Flame on one, and it goes up like magnesium tape. The rest react by spreading out and retreating into cover further from the inn.

Lamech: I was going to suggest that somebody go out there as bait, and when they all pile on, I Fireball you.

Probably just as well nobody did go out, since the Fireball doesn't actually kill them.

GM: You could do this great Rock Opera by casting Thunderwave and Lightning and whatnot.

Lamech: Even with the risk of more stuff coming through the gate between now and dawn, there are SO MANY things that could go wrong if we try to go cross-country, surrounded by Shadows, at night.
GM: Chasing after Shadows...

And then we turn around to find that the wolfman has climbed the waystation's tower and has unfurled a pennant and is howling a challenge at the sky and lurking Shadows.

GM: It's always darkest before the dawn, so everyone is expecting a massed assault around 5 in the morning.
Lamech: That's OK, I have a plan! We set the palisade on fire.

To save more cartoons in the dirt of cartoon adventurers, crescent moons, and Pac-Man ghosts, Lamech gets one of the NPC wizards to cast Comprehend Languages as a ritual. Pity the GM's mind went blank halfway through the backstory. But then, it has been a 40+ heatwave over here.

Lamech: OK, time for more miming. I get the wolfman over, point at the wizard, make 'Ooogly-boogly' motions, point to the wolf man and mine 'yapyapyap', and point back at the wizard and cup my ears.

Wolfman: I am General Kralgar. I am the Marshal of (to be added later)

He's here seeking support against the threats to resurgent civilisation on his world.

Lamech: I'm sure the forces of civilisation here on Toril will be interested in an alliance - most of them are dedicated to opposing the forces of destruction.
GM: You still can't talk to him - only the wizard can understand him.
Lamech: True. In that case - *two thumbs up and a big grin*

Instead, Lamech sets up the gates of the Inn as a deathtrap - only letting a few Shadows in at a time, into an area surrounded by wagons, barricades, and righteous God-botherers. Still, 15 rush through on the first attempt - they can squeeze through gaps an inch wide.

Lamech: Just as well I set up a 20ft square as the kill box. Fun fact - Fireballs are square.

GM: Kavorog, what do you do?
Kavorog: RAAAAAAGE, KIIIILLL, ATTAAAACK - I'm a simple, simple guy.

[BoloOfEarth]

Continuing Return of Muerte.  Note that I used modified versions of Muerte and his undead team from Digital Hero #44, with apologies to the author.

 

In the dirt of the mass grave, the heroes also find some quartz marbles, each with a very thin reddish vein running through them.  Handling one, Malarky can tell it is some sort of magical focus, now spent.  Agrippa had told Malarky he did some scrying and heard DEMON members talking about collecting "touchstones" created by Takofanes from Isla Muerte, something to do with an Unbinding ritual.  He hands one to Nexus, who proceeds to have a very powerful vision.

 

Muerte (looking badly burned and in partially slagged armor) is standing before Takofanes, who is sitting on a throne of skulls. 

Takofanes:  Kneel before me, thrall.

Muerte:  Muerte kneels before no man!

Takofanes:  Then how fortunate for you that I am no man...  (his eyes glow red, and Muerte kneels like a man being forced to his knees)

 

Nexus sees Takofanes give Muerte a bag of the quartz marbles (all glowing a dull red) to "raise minor thralls, enabling you to do my bidding." 

 

GM:  Everybody but Nexus can see that the marble Nexus is holding is now glowing bright red.  Is everybody still Mind Linked, and seeing this vision?

(all players nod)

GM:  Okay.  Nexus and Circe, you each take two BODY damage, no defenses.  Everybody else takes 1 BODY, no defenses.  (pause)  Nexus, are you continuing to hold the touchstone?

 

She opts to continue holding the touchstone to see if the vision continues.

 

Maker:  If it's all the same to you, I'll drop out of the Mind Link now.  You can tell me about what you see later.

 

The vision continues, with Takofanes holding what looks like a silvery orb glowing a sickly green.

 

Takofanes:  This is the heart of the totem you created and buried beneath where my temple once stood.

Muerte:  Totem?  Do you mean my missile?  (looking at what Takofanes is holding)  Is that the uranium from the warhead?

Takofanes:  Whatever you wish to call it.  I have imbued this heart of metal with some of my might.  You sought to kill tens of thousands.  This will raise them all as my thralls, increasing my power and my reach.

Malarky:  (watching the vision)  A zombie nuke!

 

The touchstone in Nexus's hand is now glowing a blazing red, and the skin on her fingers and palm of her hand is starting to blister.  The heroes (except Maker) take more BODY damage, but opt to continue the vision.  They see Muerte present a mummy to Takofanes, asking the Undying Lord to raise him as a minion to aid Muerte.

Pops:  This is South America.  Where the heck did he find a mummy?

Shadowboxer:  Probably just popped over to Egypt for a visit.

 

At this point, the touchstone explodes like a mini-grenade, ending the visions.  Circe and Nexus are bleeding from the nose, ears, and eyes, with the others less seriously injured but still hurting.

 

Nexus:  Just as well that thing exploded.  I only have 4 BODY left.

Malarkly:  No worries.  Everybody gather around.  (pulls out a red crystal heart and casts a healing spell, instantly undoing all the BODY damage)

GM:  (thinking)  Okay, we'll just have to do something about that...

 

Nexus talks to a few ghosts, all former residents of San Muerte buried in the village cemetery prior to the falling-out between Muerte and Scorpia/Feur.  She learns that Muerte had unburied the bodies months ago with the aid of Gigante, picking and choosing the ones he wanted to raise from the dead.  She also learns that a half-dozen robed men were checking out the mass graves just a day or two ago before heading toward Muerte's former hacienda.  They track the apparent DEMON agents and find two bodies -- one pretty cleanly decapitated, and another clawed to shreds to the point that the head is barely attached.

 

Pops:  Just two?  Where are the others?

Malarky:  Muerte probably took them to increase his zombie army.  Waste not, want not. 

 

They proceed to the hacienda.  Honey Badger lifts the concrete slab that Kina Dinamita put back in place over the elevator shaft, to find that it has been collapsed by explosives, with more rock tossed in to fill the shaft.  Shadowboxer uses his Shadow Sight to find that the tunnel to the underground lair is still clear, as is the rest of the lair.    He also sees two zombie Terror agents (now Hands of Death) clearing rubble and shoring up part of the roof.  He also finds some cells, one of which contains a badly-injured Libertador (Peruvian hero) along with two captured DEMON brothers.  The latter two are being tortured by remote-operated mechanical arms.

 

GM:  You also notice that someone has hooked security cameras back up, where the Peruvians had removed them years ago.  (points to various markings on the map.

Nexus:  That's a lot of cameras.  He even has them in the bathrooms!

Honey Badger:  Not that zombies need to use bathrooms.

GM:  Muerte was known to be rather paranoid.  That's why he never told Scorpia about the nuke missile.  It's a case where his paranoia really worked in his favor.

 

Nexus sees a ghost of a kid wandering around, chasing butterflies.  She strikes up a conversation with him, working around to what's been going on there.

 

Kid:  Papa died, and then Scary Death Man took him away.  (cries)  He acts like he doesn't even see me any more!

Nexus:  I'm afraid your father won't be able to see you again.  Profesor Muerte turned him into a zombie.

Pops:  Geez, way to hit the kid when he's down.  Why don't you tell him it's all his fault, too?  Completely crush his spirit...

 

Shadowboxer:  Wait... if there's cameras hooked back up down there, do I see any cameras up here?  (makes a successful Concealment roll)

GM:  As a matter of fact, you do see a camera hidden in some rubble, with a perfect view of the filled-in elevator shaft you're all standing around.

Shadowboxer:  Crap.  They know we're here.

 

Shadowboxer's shadow-reconnaissance of the underground facility also revealed a partially-removed fake wall that concealed a short tunnel ending at a pair of blast doors.  This was something Kina, the Peruvians, and UNTIL didn't know about.  His shadow-sight can't see past the blast doors, but Maker gadgeteers some ground-penetrating radar to reveal a tunnel leading east from that facility, sloping downward to the east side of the island, and presumably under the ocean floor to the relatively-untouched island a few klicks away.  Since they don't want to search that whole island, they opt to go into the known section of the base, clear it out, and then take the tunnel to find Muerte.

 

Maker:  We should teleport into the cells area to rescue Libertador and get those DEMON brothers out of there.

Pops:  Teleport us into cells?  Yeah, not gonna happen.

Honey Badger:  And why pull the DEMON Brothers out?  We'll have to drag them along while we fight Muerte and his zombie hoarde.  No, they're safe and sound where they are.

GM:  Safe?  They're being tortured.

HB:  Relatively safe.

 

Shadowboxer:  Of course, once we get past the blast doors Muerte could just open the vents and flood the tunnel.

GM:  I'm ashamed to admit that I hadn't thought of that.  But I'll make a mental note for next time.

 

While the heroes dithered around making and discarding plans, a winged serpent lady (Seraphina) arrived through the tunnel with another half-dozen zombies, along with what looks like a were-creature and an air spirit (undead Pantera and the deceased Bora).

 

GM:  (regarding Pantera and Bora)  Well, Muerte figured since Scorpia and Feur left his team for Eurostar, turnabout was fair play.

 

The heroes finally teleport in and engage the zombies.  During the battle, one of the Hands of Death touches Shadowboxer, without any obvious effect except for a brief grayish glow.  The same happens to Honey Badger.  Malarky's mage sight can tell it's a magical abjuration of some sort.

 

Malarky:  What, like some kind of protection?

Shadowboxer:  Yeah, from life. "We'll help protect you from that whole pesky life thing.  Being undead is so much better."

 

Honey Badger engages Seraphina in HtH combat, grabbing her.  She responds by stinging him with her tail and injecting a venom.

 

Honey Badger:  What does it do to me?

GM:  Nothing obvious, but you do notice that you're feeling much more inclined to like her and listen to what she tells you.

 

After Honey Badger takes her through a wall into a former lab, knocking her unconscious:

 

Honey Badger:  I grab her tail and keep jabbing her with it, saying "You will like Honey Badger. (jab) You will do as he says.  (jab)  Honey Badger is the man. (jab)"

GM:  It doesn't work that way.

HB:  Doesn't matter.  I'm still doing it.

 

Once the battle is over, Malarky has the heroes again gather and casts his healing spell.

 

Malarky:  (OOC)  Not a good roll.  7 BODY and 14 STUN.

GM:  Honey Badger and Shadowboxer don't heal any BODY, and only get 2 STUN back.  Apparently something to do with the zombie touch.

Malarky:  How'd you do that?

GM:  12 points Power Defense, Usable as Attack, on a continuing charge.

Malarky:  When does it wear off?

GM:  (shrug) You'll just have to wait and see.  [GM note:  Duration is 3 months.  Also has Difficult to Dispel.  In case you didn't already know that GMs are generally evil.]

 

(More to follow)

[Christopher]

Malarky:  (OOC)  Not a good roll.  7 BODY and 14 STUN.

GM:  Honey Badger and Shadowboxer don't heal any BODY, and only get 2 STUN back.  Apparently something to do with the zombie touch.

Malarky:  How'd you do that?

GM:  12 points Power Defense, Usable as Attack, on a continuing charge.

Malarky:  When does it wear off?

GM:  (shrug) You'll just have to wait and see.  [GM note:  Duration is 3 months.  Also has Difficult to Dispel.  In case you didn't already know that GMs are generally evil.]

 

(More to follow)

Okay, that GM is on a very bad track there. I asume it is actually you so I better tell you that:

I am pretty sure that build is not book legal by any definition. UOO on Defenses were afaik not Allowed, but I might be wrong.

What would be the "reasonably common and obvious defense" against this? Being undead would not be, if none of the PC's (the targets) are undead.

 

Power Defense can apply to Healing and Aid, so the basic idea is sound. Transform might be the cleaner choice here:

It did not realy occur to me until now just now, but "adding or removing X CP worth of Power" could include adding a Power with Negative Effect (Like Power Defense, only vs. Healing Spells). Usually this would be adding a Complication, but I know of no "Resists Healing" Complications.

How about "Major Transform, Into Being with Power Resistance vs Healing and Aid xD6" It could grant up to 10 Character Points worth of "Power". There are special rules for "granting a power via Transform", but since this is granting a harmfull power it would not mater so much.

Season with "Partial Transform", whatever Healing/NND defense condition you had in mind for the UOO variant or Heals Normally (maybe even reduced recovery time).

But either build is a can of worms that you will hope you had not opened before too long.

 

Aside from the legality/danger for long therm balance, there is that part of making a power specifically to counter a players power:

- If it was not a bought power, you could easily rule that some background magic effect blocks it. You never need a power build to block a communicator that the players paid no points for.

- If you don't like the power, you just should not have allowed it in the first place. If you forgot he had it, it would even be time to lower the price a lot (as apparently that player had no use for it for a really long time).

Everyone would propably feel better if you applied proper Campaign Limitations to healing and/or let the player refund the points spend on a useless power instead. There is no fault in later discovering that a power you allowed a player does not work, but few things are as bad as intentionally building the enemies to counter a power (beyond the limitations and normal defenses the player wanted to have/pay for).

 

A complication that is not limiting is not worth any points (even if that is only because the GM has no skill at making it part of the game).

A power that is useless (due to the campaign rules/game conventions/GM decision), should also not cost any point.

[BoloOfEarth]

I appreciate the warnings and thoughts expressed, and can understand your concern.

 

I'll also say up front that I don't want to derail a mainly fun thread, so if this is going to mutate into a discussion about how to do / not do something, we should take it to another thread.

 

However, to address the main points (and hopefully put your concerns to rest):

 

I don't see anything disallowing Defenses with UOO.  If there is, please let me know where to find it.

 

The Healing power was allowed with the understanding that it would be mainly for use on civilians / noncombatants.  Its repeated use on the heroes, essentially allowing them to shrug off anything but an immediately lethal attack, has been making them rather cavalier about taking BODY damage.  As soon as combat ends, Malarky erases all their damage instantly.  Which makes sense - why have a power if you're not going to use it? 

 

Reasonably common and obvious defense is possessing magical powers.  That immediately excludes two of the heroes (1/3 of the team).  And though not mentioned in Christopher's post, the way to stop the Continuing Charge is a magical ritual, which one of the magical heroes (Nexus) has in her dad's magical library at home and the other (Malarky) can get by asking his mentor.  So a little research will end the threat very quickly for even the non-magical heroes.

 

The long Continuing Charge was put on to make them think twice after it doesn't just disappear in a few minutes (which is what they expected - just wait it out, then go take on Muerte and the rest of his minions).

 

As I said, I understand and appreciate your concern.  Rest assured, it's not as bad as you think.  It's just giving the players an adventure where the threat is real.

[BoloOfEarth]

So, finishing off the quotes from Return of Muerte:

 

One I forgot from earlier...  GM was talking about the vision where the heroes learned Muerte was restored to (un)life by Takofanes.

 

Maker:  Taco-face?
GM:  ... (head-desk)  No.  Takofanes.

 

As the heroes free Libertador and prepare to assault the unknown facility to shut Muerte down, they feel a slight tremor in the ground.  Maker uses her flyer bot to take a look outside, and sees a plume of smoke as an ICBM streaks skyward.

 

Maker:  Can my flyer bot chase after it and shoot it down?

GM:  Maker's an astronaut, so she'll easily recognize an Atlas, basically the same thing that launched Mercury astronauts into space.  Your flyer bot has exactly 0 chance of catching up to that.

 

Maker figures out she can gadgeteer a suborbital booster for own flight to allow her to catch up to the missile, plus a boosted clinging strong enough to attach to the Atlas.  After a brief discussion over whether to take anyone else along (other than Maker, only Shadowboxer has the necessary Life Support to survive the missile's suborbital phase, but he's one of the front-line fighters and will be needed against Muerte), Maker takes off alone after the missile. 

 

Meanwhile the rest of the team heads over to the other island, where they figure (correctly) that they can get into that section of the base through the now-open silo.  Maker's player will be running Libertador during the assault while her regular character is chasing the ICBM.

 

Maker:  What does he do?
GM:  (hands her character sheet)  Basically, he's Peru's version of Captain America.

Maker:  So I'm Captain Peru.

 

They quickly dispatch the trio of Hands of Death waiting there while avoiding being touched, and turn their attention to the blast doors leading into the rest of the base. 

 

Honey Badger:  I can try a move-through on them, but if I don't get through on the first try it's gonna hurt.

 

He slams into them at top speed -- and is exactly one BODY shy.

 

Circe:  When we get done here, can we take those blast doors home with us?  They have a pretty impressive Honey Badger-shaped dent in them.

 

HB did enough damage to part the blast doors a crack, through which he sees Gigante waiting.  The rocky brick peeks through the crack.

 

Gigante:  Wow.  Gigante impressed.  Is little man hurt bad?

Honey Badger:  (shaking off the effects of being Stunned)  Nah.  I heal fast.

 

Gigante rips open what remains of the blast doors, and the battle is on.  HB and Gigante trade punches, causing some damage to the rocky one but leaving HB knocked back into the silo - and ending up in the open area where the missile once stood.

HB:  Can't I just grab onto the walkway?
GM:  Sure, on your next Phase.  Of course, you may be a bit farther down the silo by then.

 

Libertador does a full-out shield-bash roundhouse on Gigante.

 

Libertador:  Sixteen dice?!  Maker needs one of those shields!

GM:  (thinking) Sure, if she gets some questionite and about 75 points.

 

After the heroes' concentrated attacks on Gigante take him down, they move into the hall to face Khemset (the metal-wrapped mummy), Espiritu, and a half-dozen Hands of Death.  Shortly afterward, a blast door down the hall opens to reveal Muerte and Mayan sorceress Bruja Balam.

 

Libertador:  MUERTEEEEE!!!!  (charge and shield bash)

 

Shadowboxer grabs and squeezes Bruja Balam.

 

GM:  Drop six dice from your attack.

Pops:  Why does he have to roll six less dice?

GM:  She has Damage Negation.

Pops: What the heck is that?

Shadowboxer:  It's what I have.  It's how I survive so many attacks.

 

Eventually the heroes have most of the villains down, including capturing Muerte.  So we finish with Maker catching up to the missile.

 

Maker:  Can I defuse the nuke?
GM:  If you make your Demolitions roll by enough. 

Maker:  I don't have that skill.

GM:  I'll give you an 8 or less.  I mean, sure, Muerte is a raving paranoid, but that doesn't mean he put any boobytraps or failsafes in.  You'll be fiiiiine.

Maker:  So, can I redirect the missile into orbit, and let UNTIL take care of it?

 

Using her electrical engineering and systems operation skills, she's able to fire the engines and direct it to a higher altitude.  Little knowing that Muerte had a failsafe in case the missile is redirected. 

 

GM:  (to the rest of the hero team, monitoring things from the launch control room in Muerte's base)  Maker's been giving you regular updates via the Mind Link, when suddenly she drops off.

Circe:  What, did Muerte rig some sort of dimensional travel?

GM:  No.  A moment later, you see on the screens that the nuke has gone off.  Looks like Maker just got nuked.

Honey Badger:  She's not dead.  You're smiling way too much.

 

GM:  [Maker's player name], please come with me a moment.  (once away from the other heroes)  One moment, you're clinging to the missile as it moves closer to orbit... and the next, you find yourself standing in a room with white walls.  Then Taurus walks in. 

Taurus:  We noted the launch and have been monitoring the missile's flight.  Our scans indicated the warhead was about to go off, so we pulled you up here.

Maker:  Oh.  Well, thank you.  (awkward pause)  Um, can you send me back to my team now?
Taurus:  Eventually, perhaps.  For now, though, you'll be staying with us.  Don't worry, you'll be made quite comfortable.  Zodiakos Kyklos, please prepare a room for our guest...

[Black Ops]

 

GM:  [Maker's player name], please come with me a moment.  (once away from the other heroes)  One moment, you're clinging to the missile as it moves closer to orbit... and the next, you find yourself standing in a room with white walls.  Then Taurus walks in. 

Taurus:  We noted the launch and have been monitoring the missile's flight.  Our scans indicated the warhead was about to go off, so we pulled you up here.

Maker:  Oh.  Well, thank you.  (awkward pause)  Um, can you send me back to my team now?

Taurus:  Eventually, perhaps.  For now, though, you'll be staying with us.  Don't worry, you'll be made quite comfortable.  Zodiakos Kyklos, please prepare a room for our guest...

I think that counts as a Oooopsie, and one knows what the next adventure will be...

[DasBroot]

Wastelander game.  Vega (me) has failed his sexual compulsion's self-control roll in a big way (as he usually does) but rolls in such a manner in a bar that he ends up picking up two women and a man and leaving with them despite some hefty penalties.

 

Grim: "I'm beginning to think the only difference between a sleazy pervert and a sex addict is success rate."

[Lucius]

Who's Who:

 

My character, Titania Melungeon, a Trollop (female Troll) of assorted talents who usually goes by Fiona (she liked the Shrek movie) or Faerie Princess.

 

Kylie, from Australia, dubbed "Crocodile" by Fiona

 

John Lee Pettimore III, yes based on the character from Copperhead Road, dubbed "Copperhead" or "The Redneck" by Fiona.

 

Dom (not DON!) Gunn owner of Dom's Guns ("we don't want to make money....we just LOOOVE to sell guns") the GMNPC who issues us equipment and missions and supervises us as well as such a group can be supervised, "Big Boomstick" to Fiona.

 

 

A new player showed up for Monster Hunter and I had to whip up a new character. (I'm not the one running this game but as the resident Hero expert I draw up player characters.) I did up THREE actually. The one that got picked I meant to name "Captain Stonebreaker" but I was in a hurry and typed "Capt Stonbraker." I let it ride but called it "Stonebreaker" when showing it to the new player, so she corrected the Game Operations Director when (in character as an NPC) he said "stonn-brakker."

 

My character, who has tagged everyone including herself with nicknames that we also use as radio callsigns, is probably going to go through several for our new addition from the Pentagon: I'm planning to use Gemcutter, StonedBaker, Rockbuster, and probably a few more, before settling on "I'll just call you GI Joe!" But all that's for future sessions.

 

In a past session we found out that our night vision goggles allow us to see in utter dark but also allow us to be SEEN (apparently they do emit visible light.) My character concept originally included "hacker" but has expanded to include "gadgeteer/inventor" (I did start with the Inventor Skill - at 1 pt) as I've been allowed to design a device using ultrasound echolocation

 

Fiona: Yeah, bats will go crazy if they're around when we use this

 

to image the surrounding area and then translate that image into a visual projection onto the inside of a worn pair of (actually opaque) goggles.

 

I was tinkering with this when Capt. Stonbraker was introduced.

 

Fiona: If I could just get someone in from the Pentagon to see these, I could get all the funding I need...(looks up as an officer in uniform walks in) Hey, that was fast! (jumps up and hands the headset to Capt. Stonbraker) Here put this on!

 

The Game Operations Director has the player make a KS: Monsters roll and identifies me as a Troll.

 

Stonbraker:(looks around at the other characters present) Would that be...advisable?

 

Copperhead: It should be safe, captain, we've all done it. She's kind of an inventor.

 

Stonbraker: Pettimore isn't it? I remember you from Afghanistan. (previously discussed by the players, they hadn't been in the same unit but had met in service.)

 

Copperhead: Yes sir, captain, that was me.

 

Stonbraker: The best guy we had with explosives, someone I could count on. Okay, if you say this isn't going to explode....

 

He puts on the set, Fiona hits the lightswitch and proclaims it's dark, and the G.O.D. has me make an Inventor roll to see how well it's working.

 

Stonbraker: I see people and objects in outline but not details.

 

Fiona: I can improve the resolution if you get them to fund my work! Just think what something like this would mean to the special forces!

 

Big Boomstick: Fiona. He's NOT in Procurement.

 

Fiona: He's not?

 

Stonbraker: I'm not.

 

Big Boomstick: He is from the Pentagon, but he's going to be hunting monsters with us.

 

Fiona: Do you know someone in procurement you can get to look into this?

 

Stonbraker (noncommittaly): I'll see what I can do.

 

 

I can't wait to tell the captain about the fight with the smurfs.

 

Lucius Alexander

 

PUFF exempt palindromedary

[Susano]

Played in a Savage Rifts game at Genghis Con where my character informed a Coalition officer that the PCs were "just simple traders." He dubiously noted we didn't look like merchants, at which point I noted "that is because we deal in lead, my friend." 

[BoloOfEarth]

Played in a Savage Rifts game at Genghis Con where my character informed a Coalition officer that the PCs were "just simple traders." He dubiously noted we didn't look like merchants, at which point I noted "that is because we deal in lead, my friend." 

 

Did you offer him a free sample? 

[Susano]

Did you offer him a free sample? 

 

Surprisingly no. Despite being Coalition, he wasn't the real enemy.

[Major Tom 2009]

 A post nuclear 'Fallout' style game I'm in.  My character is sex addict with the social skills needed to get a near 100% success rate and while I don't eat up a lot of play time with it in order to not be disruptive the GM always makes sure to include throwaway lines even in travel montages about his conquests and we *have* been run out of town before.

 

Upon reaching a fortification in hostile ghoul territory:

 

Gate Guards: "If you want to stay with the Sewer Rats for the night. You will need to offer trade - or tribute."

 

*everyone at the table immediately looks at me, in character and out*

 

Vega (me): "*sigh* If I must..."

 

(We ended up raiding an abandoned hospital for medical supplies instead)

 

After we headed back and were waiting for entrance

 

Grim (the hardened survivor soldier): "Well, if Kas' (our merchant player character) oral skill doesn't pan out here...."

 

You wanna be careful about letting stuff like that get a foothold in a game -- if I've learned anything from years of reading Drhoz's

posts, it's that you're just asking for Smut Fields to manifest themselves during a game session.

 

And weaponized Smut Fields are even worse.

 

 

Major Tom 2009

[DusterBoy]

No kidding. Remember how well Drhoz played Jrska, his insane, irrepressibly, imaginatively and energetically perverse Slaanesh-worshipping dog-headed beast woman? Now there was a walking weaponized Smut Field^TM _.

[Major Tom 2009]

True enough, but I think that Digna's catching up there in that category -- otherwise, there probably would've been a

Porn Singularity* when she and Jrska got together a few posts back ( ).

 

(*Porn Singularity: a powerful phenomenon created when two or more Smut Fields come into close proximity to

one another, creating a near-irresistable attractive force. Unless they're very lucky, those who are close enough to

witness the creation of the Singularity either as it's taking shape or shortly afterwards are doomed to be sucked in

to become part of its bacchanalian depravity for the duration of its existence. Note that this is a certain guarantee in

universes where Evil Chaos Entities have a ridiculous amount of influence on certain inhabitants -- Warhammer 40K

GMs being especially susceptible to their influence.)

 

 

Major Tom 2009

[DusterBoy]

Well, I haven't been keeping up with Digna's escapades, misadventures and misdemeanours. Jrska, OTOH, I remember with vivid clarity.

And a certain degree of terror.

 

Your hypothesis about the Porn Singularity seems to sound science, based on current physics models.