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Darren Watts

Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

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Well, I haven't been keeping up with Digna's escapades, misadventures and misdemeanours. Jrska, OTOH, I remember with vivid clarity.

And a certain degree of terror.

 

Your hypothesis about the Porn Singularity seems to sound science, based on current physics models. :rofl:

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Salazar - Voted Most Likely To Be Carrying A Melon-baller With Intent
Heather - Voted Most Likely To Accidentally Kill Her Own Kidnapper
Ewen - Voted Most Likely To Be Secret Master Of The World
Jurgen - Voted Most Likely To Kill Someone In Cold Blood For No Particular Reason
Dirty Franz - Voted Most Likely To Cry If Someone Steals His My Little Pony Collection
Flint Firebringer - Voted Most Likely To Sit Back Watch The World Burn
Ziggs - Voted Most Likely To Burn The World

That's because Ziggs is a goblinoid alchemist, who was acquired by the party this week.

Salazar: In Sharsmouth you'll have to keep that Holy Water locked. Lest you damage public property.

Ziggs: The dwarves, they dug too deep. Into an aquifer.

Heather: 'Ima gonna get the beehive down!' 'Why?' 'Ima gonna get the beehive down! Dirty Franz, help.' *tree goes up in flame*
Ziggs: And now the bees are unhappy AND homeless.
Heather: And that's how Dirty Frank ruins everything. Or goes in first and makes us all rich.
Salazar: There is no middle ground.

GM: Anyone want to recap?
Dirty Franz OoC: Jurgen bought Heather the Boyfriend Experience and we murdered a family of Orc hippies and their Ogre boyfriend.

Heather: Once upon a time we found a goblin
Salazar: Who was being 'spit roasted' by bugbears.
GM: I just said degraded, YOU people all assumed spit roasted.
Ziggs: I don't want to be the goblin who was being spit-roasted!
Salazar: Actually there were three of them.

Dirty Franz OoC: If Ziggs is a goblin alchemist then no wonder the Orcs were stoned.
Ziggs OoC: None of my flasks are labelled.

Salazar: What the fuck is that?
Ziggs: Annoyed and tied up.
Salazar: Is that a Boggle? What the fuck is a Boggle doing down here?
Ziggs: Being annoyed and tied up. I thought we already established this.

GM: What size are you?
Ziggs: Small, of course.
Flint: Shorter than the table?
Dirty Franz: Bigger than a bread box?

Dirty Franz: *helps myself to some mushroom stew*
GM: Oh god... Roll Fortitude.
Dirty Franz: *11*
GM: Your conversations with your MLP figures become much more animated, but no-one else notices.
Ewen: God help us when he learns Animate Object.

Heather: So you're a Boggle then?
Ziggs: So people keep telling me.
Heather: Are you a prostitute too, then?
Ziggs: ... What?
Heather: Every time we find a small green thing ion a cave it's being used for..
Flint: Relaxation purposes.
Heather: Yeah, that.
Ziggs: Let's start again. I'm Ziggs, I'm a Boggart, I brew potions.
Heather: ... Can you do love potions?
Ziggs: Theoretically.
Heather: Hi! I'm Heather! We're going to be very good friends! And this is -
Ziggs: Your consort?
Flint: *chokes on his drink*

Heather: And that's Dirty Franz. He smells. You might want some cotton to stuff up your nose.
Ziggs: I'm an alchemist - we can't smell ANYTHING.
Heather: You live a charmed life.

Ziggs: If we could milk Franz we'd make a fortune.
Salazar: .... Not touching it.
Ziggs: It's OK, I have acid-prof gloves.

Heather: We're going to go kill stuff.
Ziggs: I feel like some reasonable retribution.
Heather: You'll find we're pretty unreasonable people. Welcome to the party!

Salazar: I need some paralysis bombs.
Ziggs: I've got tanglefoot bags.
Salazar: Nah, I need paralysis bombs - using a melon-baller on someone can be a pain in the arse if they keep wriggling.

Off to the ruins of Cragsmaw Castle.

GM: The castle is obviously not of goblin make.
Heather: Well, obviously. It's not built from rocks, sticks, and shit.
Dirty Franz: Wattle-and-daub is perfectly respectable building technique... Dirty Franz grew up in wattle-and-daub hut.
Heather: Good for you, Franz! By the way - you're not allowed to talk about your childhood anymore.

Dirty Franz is scratching his beard, looking at the keep, and muttering to himself.

Heather: Business as usual then. Right then, if the main door is the only way in -
Dirty Franz: Sally port.
Heather: What?
Dirty Franz: Sally port.
Salazar: What about her?
Heather: Is this going to be another story about shit?

We go over the wall instead, anyway.

GM: There's a bit of canvas over the hole you get in through.
Dirty Franz OoC: And they're painted a nice brick pattern on it?
Ziggs: What a devastatingly effective disguise!
Heather: This actually makes me feel like I'm breaking into somebody's home.
Salazar: Excuse me?
Heather: Oh, just me - I'm not projecting it on the rest of the party.

The usual carnage ensues.

Salazar: You might want to reload your flintlocks.
Flint: Prehensile tail - I reload every round.
Ewen: He just holds the gun near his arse.
Ziggs: How are you doing that?
Salazar: Great arse.

Dirty Franz: Dirty Franz speaks Common, Goblin, and Murder-hobo.
Salazar: Murder-hobo? You mean Common?
Dirty Franz OoC: Grunts punctuated with stabbing.
Ewen: Ah, you mean 'Weapon Proficiency'

Hobgoblin on other side of door: *in Goblin* Right, the distraction is here - send the pets around the back.
Salazar: Oh goody!
Dirty Franz: Dirty Franz doesn't want to hurt these hobgoblins now, they have pets.
Heather: Kill them, and you get to keep their pets.
Ziggs: What she said!
Dirty Franz: *cheers up*
Salazar: *bracing to murder whatever comes in the room* I'm going to disappoint him so bad...

Dirty Franz: *wandering off to other end of room, rattling a carton of dog biscuits* Here, puppy puppy...
All: ...
GM: We'll deal with him later.

Heather: They should have had some guys on the battlements. But now we're in, and much like the clap we're much harder to repel once we're inside.

GM: They weren't expecting seven of you.
Heather: Are you kidding? Adventurers never come in pairs.
Ewen: I believed adventurers function like crows - we come in Murders.

As the others deal with the masses shield wall of Hobgoblins at the main door, Franz meets the pets - a pair of Owlbears.

Dirty Franz: Puppy?
Heather: I think our wizard is not long for this world.

Franz gets mauled and bearhugged.

Dirty Franz: Dirty Franz thinks puppy doesn't deserve dog treats.

Then the other pets arrive - hideous slimy tentacled worm things.

Dirty Franz: Dirty Franz does not think hideous slimy tentacled worm puppies even eat dog treats.

Flint: I thought you said they were drop bears?
Ewen: No, the Owlbears came in through the rear - the Gricks dropped from the ceiling.
Dirty Franz OoC: Should have been the other way around - then they would have been drop bears.

Ewen: To save Dirty Franz from the horrible fate of being eaten by an Owlbear-
Dirty Franz OoC: Well, you're more saving the Owlbear from food poisoning.

Jurgen stabs the Hobgoblin leader with a distinctly unsanitary dagger.

Ewen: Somehow I don't think the infection is going to matter.

GM: And now for the Gricks.
Jurgen: What do they give us?
All: ?
Jurgen: They must be Gricks bearing gifts.
All: *facepalm*
Salazar: My fault, I listened. All damage is self-inflicted. Jurgen has this special tone of voice when he's trying to be funny.
Jurgen: Is this why I'm not getting any help against these hobgoblins?

GM: Right, back to the top-
Dirty Franz's player: Hey! My go! I might be going on 5, but...
GM: Oh, right - what do you do?
Dirty Franz's player: Am I still grappled?
Ewen: No, we killed that one.
Dirty Franz's player: OK then - Arcane Bond (Ring), Magic Missile, 9 points damage on the other Owlbear.
Heather's player: Well done on being succinct in a mass combat. Accolades.

Ewen's player: In the other game we're using the Critical Hit cards the monk severed a troll's spine.
Dirty Franz's player: Don't trolls regenerate?
Salazar's player: Regen doesn't fix ability damage.
Ewen's player: So they left that poor troll a quadriplegic. For the four or five seconds until they finished it off.

Flint's player: Do Fighters get Feats?
Heather's player: Fighters are 'Feats - The Class'

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D&D : Batrachian
Off to find that gate to the Shadow Realm, and put some police tape across it. Kavorog looks forward to the combat.

Kavorog: It slices! It dices! It juliennes zombies!

Lamech: I’m going to assume that only creatures with actual intelligence can be turned into Shadows, and that the swamps aren’t swarming with swarms of Shadow-insects? That would be… bad.
GM: At least the main threat in the swamps will already have been killed by the Shadows – the loathsome tribes of – well, there are no UN-loathsome tribes of Bullywugs.

GM: You can see something sneaking through the bushes.
Lamech: Not Shadows then – they’d be drifting right through the bushes. WE CAN SEE YOU, YOU KNOW.
GM: *facepalm*

200px-Bullywugs.JPG

It’s bullywugs, waving a spiderweb flag of truce. They’re desperate for help. Of course, we already know that Bullywygs are totally untrustworthy, that they aren't aligned to any deities of this plane, and are probably just waiting to stage the sudden and inevitable betrayal.... but we did kinda think that we could ally to stop the plague of Shadows. We soon learn that they actually want us to deal with the swamp's other monsters, while they dig up the tribe's treasures and hop it.

Lamech: You know, I think I met a cousin of yours. In a little seaside town called Innsmouth.

The bullywugs lead us to an island occupied by a Shambling Mound of animated plants, fungi and compost, and an undead troll.

Lamech: I have no idea what a Shambling Mound is. Still *rolls up sleeves* a few lightning bolts will solve the problem, right?

GM: This is hideous – your genuine Charisma 3 specimen.

Lamech, who had been riding on Kavorog’s shoulder so he didn’t have to wade through swamp deeper than him, promptly falls off.

GM: You’re eye-deep in rancid swampwater.
Lamech: That’s not necessarily a bad thing – unless I get stepped on.

The shambling mound gets going only after the skeletal troll is destroyed, and Kavorog badly injured.

Lamech: Makes sense - It’s attracted to the blood and bone.

Kavorog gets engulfed by the carnivorous compost heap.

Urlon: Does Kavorog have a small weapon?
Lamech: Depends who you talk to.

GM: Kavorog is having an encounter with morning wood – but not the kind he enjoys.

Lamech eventually realises that an Enlarged Kavorog can’t be engulfed. Or for that matter a Reduced Mound would be just as useful.

GM: It shrinks and go WIBBLEWIBBLEWHEEEEE. And summons Bill and Ben the Flowerpot Men.
Lamech: WHEE-oo, WHHEEE-OOOOO

Lamech: If the bullywugs get killed, they’ll croak XD
GM: The Shadows had already killed the bullywug bard with the banjo.

Lamech scrambles up a tree to snipe at the fleeing mound, and to his surprise his spells cause a few unexpected yelps – that’s because the bullywugs are taking the opportunity to hop it with all the treasure they promised us.

Lamech: Can I see them?
GM: Yes, but they have cover.
Lamech: Doesn’t matter. *casts Web*

They manage to hop free anyway, but since they don’t seem to be carrying anything really valuable the volley of Sleep spells that get flung after them are a bit half-hearted.

GM: They’ve left behind a shrine to one of their disgusting gods. Destroy it! Nobody like bullywugs – not even druids.

Still, we do manage to catch most of them, and after convincing them that we aren’t going to kill them anyway, we get to keep the treasure and their translator, Kremit.

Lamech: Kremit? Really? Not Kemrit?
GM: The tribe leader probably wants to get rid of a rival, so he’s letting you keep their translator.
Kavorog: I’ll hug him and pet him and call him George. I got me a Bullywug concubine.
Lamech: I’m feeling increasingly fortunate that I have hair instead of scales.

Unfortunately no amount of body hair will save the party members that have contracted horrible diseases from the swamp water - the party healer is going to have a busy week. The treasure includes mystery headgear resembling a surf lifesaver’s cap - we later find out that it allows the wearer to breath underwater, which is tactically useful even for Bullywugs.

GM: With the bullywug leading you, you reach a cave that resemble nothing more than an arsehole.
Kavorog: Are there boulders that look like fingers stacked to either side?
GM: No. And you will suffer for that.

The Shadow Gate is there, as is the body of a bronze dragonborn who killed himself rather than fall victim to the Shadows. And as we scramble to build a fire before nightfall, a howling banshee on the far side of the gate who seems very upset about the dead dragonborn, or is confusing Kavorog for same. Luckily for us, Kavorog not only resists her Fear attack, but realises he can use the Mend spell to repair the wards around the Shadow Gate. Unfortunately, the delay as everybody else gets over their unthinking terror means we don’t have the fire ready until the banshee has the Gate open. And the sun is setting.

GM: You’ll be fine as long as you keep throwing faggots on the fire.
Kavorog: …
Lamech: No comment.

Kavorog’s bullywug is close to panic, and has to reach for unfamiliar words.

Kremit: F…friend? Do you want me to Summon Frogs?
Lamech: Knock yourself out, kid.
GM: Bullywugs like summoning giant frogs – they swallow. Unlike Ice Toads, who spit.
Kavorog: You’re giving me ideas.
GM: I know.

Half the party are brutalised by the Banshee’s howl – Kremit in particular is lucky to survive. And that’s after he passed his saving throw.

Kavorog: Let this remind everybody – NEVER PISS OFF AGATHA

Our Aarakokra allies finally converge on our position.

Urlon: Know anything about banshees?
Aarakokra: No?
GM: This is probably an aarokokra’s bemused expression, but it’s difficult to tell when your face is a beak.
Aarakokra: What’s all that screaming? Is somebody trapped in there?
Lamech: It’sabansheetheirsceeamscankillITCAMETHROUGHTHESHADOWGATE.
Aarakokra: Gate????? *guano hits the floor*

Kavorog pulls the sword from the dragonborn’s body – not to use as a weapon, but to offer as a bribe. Thankfully, this banshee is as greedy for beautiful items as Agatha, and accepts.

Kavorog: Don’t forget to lock the Gate as you go! Please?

To our great relief, she does, and the Shadows keep away from the fire. 

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Return to Edge City
The Pathfinder campaign has collapsed, since Heather's player pulled out, and took Flint and Ewen's players with them. Awkward, since Heather had become the linchpin of the game, and Ewen's player was co-GMing and helping the GM learn the system. Still, it's not all bad - Weldun was feeling like GMing again, and wants a return to Champions, and his Edge City setting. Ten years further into its economic decline (although more Detroit than the town of Flint) and even more troubled by gangs of minor superhumans than it was before.

Salazar's player: I'm reminded that one of Satan's titles is 'Lord of All Buggery' - and that there's the phrase 'Get Thee Behind Me, Satan'.

Weldun has been spending the last few years making NPCs whenever one occurs to him. Such as the six teenage villains who are alarmingly genre- and media-savvy.

Weldun: There's the Iron Claw -
Zigg's Player: *snrk*
Weldun: You did not just.... Congratulations, you just got a blast to the face from the Iron Claw. You do NOT snicker at his name.
Zigg's Player: Duly Noted.

Me: So what do they do people who post shipping charts of them?
Weldun: Correct them. They're already in three established relationships.
Me: That's never stopped a shipper.
Weldun: Yes. They correct them. Sometimes they track them down to their homes and 'correct' them in person.

Previous GM: I need to be home by midnight.
Zigg's Player: Or he turns into a pumpkin.

I'll be playing a Moreau - a genetically engineered escapee from a research facility in Edge City, and now part of the ghetto of other Moreaus on the shores of Monterey Bay. To whit, an anthropomorphic Hero Shrew - an actual animal, with a ridiculously robust spine. Spines are a highly conserved anatomical feature, so when an otherwise ordinary shrew has a spine like the one at right...

220px-Hero_shrew_vertebral_columns.png

In fact, it was only in 2013 that anybody came up with a reason why Hero Shrews and Thor's Hero Shrew even need such excessive natural engineering - it's to turn them into living prybars. Like all shrews, he's a bubbling ball of incandescent RAGE.

Previous GM: "What's his name?" "The Shrew." "He turns into an aggressively Assertive woman?" No, he's literally a giant rodent."
Me: Insectivore, thank you very much
Zigg's Player: Sexist
Previous GM: Aaand that goes right to the quotes 

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Black Crusade : The Four of Mandatio
En route to the dripping ruins of Sacgrave, party psyker Skerrit comes back from whatever has been keeping him busy.

Skerrit's player: Hey, Eniek - Feel free to modify my character sheet - since you've been experimenting on me in my sleep.
Digna: I've been experimenting on you in your sleep too.

Digna doses him with that nanotech drug Jrska gave her, to see what happens.

Skerrit: Am I going to to have to rename myself Lab Rat?
Digna: Sure - it's what I've been using you as.

He goes into convulsions as metallic pimples sprout from his flesh and unfold into USB ports and the like, and some 30% of his brain is converted into mechanics. This is good for his intelligence, but bad for his willpower, and more so because it's highly addictive.

Skerrit: WHAT WAS THAT. GIVE ME MORE. I NEED MORE.
Digna: Well, that's a pity, because I don't have any more.

Which is a lie, since she has at least seven more doses, after the three she injected into Skerrit. Skerrit rushes off to the bridge and demands the ship go wherever he can get more of The Stuff - despite not knowing what the stuff is or where Digna got it. He eventually gets talked down and sent to the medical officer.

GM: You, I presume?
Digna: No, Eniek - Unlike certain other people, I can share my toys.

Eniek: You seem to be having some problems.
Skerrit: Problems? Problems? I don't have any problems! I FEEL GREAT!!!!

Digna also sets down to craft that daemon weapon she wanted, out of the blood of a thousand men.

Daniels: Dedicating it to Khorne?
Digna: Nah, Slaneesh. Think about it - I took the blood from a thousand men and threw the rest away.
GM: That is pretty Excessive.

GM: Congratulations - you have a Daemonette in the summoning circle. Who is currently doing things to hirself.
Digna: Rightio then - in you get. *grabs and stuffs hir into the sword*

Eniek: And now for the Binding ritual.
GM: Well, it's a Slaneesh daemon - they enjoy bondage.

The blood-iron has six obsidian gems in the guard.

Digna: The sword also has the Daniels family crest on the pommel.
GM: Oh, she's going to LOVE that whenever she gets free. Somebody else's symbol of ownership?
Digna: Hey, she got a tramp stamp.

GM: What kind of sword is it?
Digna: The kind made from poor-quality iron and one thousand years of an OUTSTANDING PR campaign.

Digna: This sword is a giant 'Fuck You' to Khorne.

Their chosen destination is Sacgrave, a basalt wilderness where it rains all the time.

Skerrit: It's just like home.

The hereteks head down in their Halo Barge, landing near the Weeping Hall markets.

GM: The locals certainly noticed your arrival - not least because the barge actually blocked out the rain for a while.
Digna: You're welcome.

Digna: My mesh-weave armour is half-weight - that's less than half a kilo. Imagine how diaphanous we're talking about.
GM: But is it see-through in the rain?

Digna: It's a market! Think of the shoes!

Instead she buys a rare copy of an Inquisitorial handbook on the behaviour of chaos cults.

Trader: As you can see we had it rebound in the Inquisitor's skin.
Digna: Classy. But isn't human skin too thin to make good leather?
Trader: That's OK, we sewed it together with his acolytes' skin as backing. Do you like what we did with his devotional tattoos?

Eniek: The Lara Croft School of Archaeology - take one item, destroy the rest.

Eniek expresses an interest in buying treasure maps. ALL the treasure maps.

GM: You're promptly swamped by traders, waving treasure maps in your face. You can even see people down the back hurriedly forging some more.
Eniek: I'm not stupid, and I'm not taking those, as is indicated by the first seller that gets cut in half.

Eniek: I'm going to pick up some slaves.
Digna: We don't need porters, we've got my Adsecularii.
Eniek: These are more for throwing at things that might be cursed.
Digna: ... Thank you.

Eniek and Digna also want to buy some beasts for further experimentation with fleshcrafting - but they have to be free of any Chaotic taint. The only mutation-free ones currently for sale are, bizarrely, camels.

Crazy Hassan: Welcome, welcome newandvaluedcustomers, welcome to Crazy Hassan's Used Camels! I have many fine camels. See, here are amphibious camels! *gestures to a camel wearing flippers and a snorkel* But this is not the camel for you. This, this is the camel for you sir! *leads Skerrit to a camel with dark goggles strapped over it's eyes* Crazy Hassan's Special Peril-sensitive Camel! No? You make me sad. But come again! Crazy Hassan's Bargain Camels!

Digna sets up an auction of her remaining space marine geneseed. The merchant is as unpleasantly familiar as could be feared.

Obsequious Trader: Milady? *doffs hat*

Fortunately, a threat to peel his face off his skull if he touches her again puts him back into line.

And while the auction is arranged, the party head off into the chasms and caves of Sacgrave, in pursuit of something the maps refer to as the Golden Phylactery.

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we were still teens playing a High level AD&D game, new DM had us take on an "army" of magic users... we really didn't believe there would be 100 spell caster's marching in formation... but there were...  when they saw the party they cast 100 fireballs at us, how they all knew to cast the same spell at the same time was pretty funny... but one character survived... the monk was high enough level where he took no damage if he made his save, and had enough protection items that he rarely failed... 100 saves and he did manage to survive... the DM seems very angry there was one character he couldn't kill... he then says "CAN YOU TAKE 100 MAGIC MISSILES THEN MR SMARTY PANTS?!?" his response... "uh... no? so uh did you have fun running your first and last game ever?" 

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D&D : Batrachian

Off to find that gate to the Shadow Realm, and put some police tape across it. Kavorog looks forward to the combat.

 

Kavorog: It slices! It dices! It juliennes zombies!

 

Lamech: I’m going to assume that only creatures with actual intelligence can be turned into Shadows, and that the swamps aren’t swarming with swarms of Shadow-insects? That would be… bad.

GM: At least the main threat in the swamps will already have been killed by the Shadows – the loathsome tribes of – well, there are no UN-loathsome tribes of Bullywugs.

 

GM: You can see something sneaking through the bushes.

Lamech: Not Shadows then – they’d be drifting right through the bushes. WE CAN SEE YOU, YOU KNOW.

GM: *facepalm*

 

200px-Bullywugs.JPG

 

It’s bullywugs, waving a spiderweb flag of truce. They’re desperate for help. Of course, we already know that Bullywygs are totally untrustworthy, that they aren't aligned to any deities of this plane, and are probably just waiting to stage the sudden and inevitable betrayal.... but we did kinda think that we could ally to stop the plague of Shadows. We soon learn that they actually want us to deal with the swamp's other monsters, while they dig up the tribe's treasures and hop it.

 

Lamech: You know, I think I met a cousin of yours. In a little seaside town called Innsmouth.

 

The bullywugs lead us to an island occupied by a Shambling Mound of animated plants, fungi and compost, and an undead troll.

 

Lamech: I have no idea what a Shambling Mound is. Still *rolls up sleeves* a few lightning bolts will solve the problem, right?

 

GM: This is hideous – your genuine Charisma 3 specimen.

 

Lamech, who had been riding on Kavorog’s shoulder so he didn’t have to wade through swamp deeper than him, promptly falls off.

 

GM: You’re eye-deep in rancid swampwater.

Lamech: That’s not necessarily a bad thing – unless I get stepped on.

 

The shambling mound gets going only after the skeletal troll is destroyed, and Kavorog badly injured.

 

Lamech: Makes sense - It’s attracted to the blood and bone.

 

Kavorog gets engulfed by the carnivorous compost heap.

 

Urlon: Does Kavorog have a small weapon?

Lamech: Depends who you talk to.

 

GM: Kavorog is having an encounter with morning wood – but not the kind he enjoys.

 

Lamech eventually realises that an Enlarged Kavorog can’t be engulfed. Or for that matter a Reduced Mound would be just as useful.

 

GM: It shrinks and go WIBBLEWIBBLEWHEEEEE. And summons Bill and Ben the Flowerpot Men.

Lamech: WHEE-oo, WHHEEE-OOOOO

 

Lamech: If the bullywugs get killed, they’ll croak XD

GM: The Shadows had already killed the bullywug bard with the banjo.

 

Lamech scrambles up a tree to snipe at the fleeing mound, and to his surprise his spells cause a few unexpected yelps – that’s because the bullywugs are taking the opportunity to hop it with all the treasure they promised us.

 

Lamech: Can I see them?

GM: Yes, but they have cover.

Lamech: Doesn’t matter. *casts Web*

 

They manage to hop free anyway, but since they don’t seem to be carrying anything really valuable the volley of Sleep spells that get flung after them are a bit half-hearted.

 

GM: They’ve left behind a shrine to one of their disgusting gods. Destroy it! Nobody like bullywugs – not even druids.

 

Still, we do manage to catch most of them, and after convincing them that we aren’t going to kill them anyway, we get to keep the treasure and their translator, Kremit.

 

Lamech: Kremit? Really? Not Kemrit?

GM: The tribe leader probably wants to get rid of a rival, so he’s letting you keep their translator.

Kavorog: I’ll hug him and pet him and call him George. I got me a Bullywug concubine.

Lamech: I’m feeling increasingly fortunate that I have hair instead of scales.

 

Unfortunately no amount of body hair will save the party members that have contracted horrible diseases from the swamp water - the party healer is going to have a busy week. The treasure includes mystery headgear resembling a surf lifesaver’s cap - we later find out that it allows the wearer to breath underwater, which is tactically useful even for Bullywugs.

 

GM: With the bullywug leading you, you reach a cave that resemble nothing more than an arsehole.

Kavorog: Are there boulders that look like fingers stacked to either side?

GM: No. And you will suffer for that.

 

The Shadow Gate is there, as is the body of a bronze dragonborn who killed himself rather than fall victim to the Shadows. And as we scramble to build a fire before nightfall, a howling banshee on the far side of the gate who seems very upset about the dead dragonborn, or is confusing Kavorog for same. Luckily for us, Kavorog not only resists her Fear attack, but realises he can use the Mend spell to repair the wards around the Shadow Gate. Unfortunately, the delay as everybody else gets over their unthinking terror means we don’t have the fire ready until the banshee has the Gate open. And the sun is setting.

 

GM: You’ll be fine as long as you keep throwing faggots on the fire.

Kavorog: …

Lamech: No comment.

 

Kavorog’s bullywug is close to panic, and has to reach for unfamiliar words.

 

Kremit: F…friend? Do you want me to Summon Frogs?

Lamech: Knock yourself out, kid.

GM: Bullywugs like summoning giant frogs – they swallow. Unlike Ice Toads, who spit.

Kavorog: You’re giving me ideas.

GM: I know.

 

Half the party are brutalised by the Banshee’s howl – Kremit in particular is lucky to survive. And that’s after he passed his saving throw.

 

Kavorog: Let this remind everybody – NEVER PISS OFF AGATHA

 

Our Aarakokra allies finally converge on our position.

 

Urlon: Know anything about banshees?

Aarakokra: No?

GM: This is probably an aarokokra’s bemused expression, but it’s difficult to tell when your face is a beak.

Aarakokra: What’s all that screaming? Is somebody trapped in there?

Lamech: It’sabansheetheirsceeamscankillITCAMETHROUGHTHESHADOWGATE.

Aarakokra: Gate????? *guano hits the floor*

 

Kavorog pulls the sword from the dragonborn’s body – not to use as a weapon, but to offer as a bribe. Thankfully, this banshee is as greedy for beautiful items as Agatha, and accepts.

 

Kavorog: Don’t forget to lock the Gate as you go! Please?

 

To our great relief, she does, and the Shadows keep away from the fire. 

 

Heh. That group's lucky that they weren't dealing with the other kind of Shadows -- you know, the kind that likes to fly

around in creepy-looking spaceships and starting interstellar wars every thousand years or so ( :sneaky: ).

 

As for Kavorog, the dude was just asking for a gastrointestinal exam performed sans anesthesia, wasn't he?

 

 

Major Tom 2009 :eg:

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Well, I haven't been keeping up with Digna's escapades, misadventures and misdemeanours. Jrska, OTOH, I remember with vivid clarity.

And a certain degree of terror.

 

Your hypothesis about the Porn Singularity seems to sound science, based on current physics models. :rofl:

Well, Digna now has a total 10 Mechadendrites, so I'll have to see what I can come up with.

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Playing Star Wars earlier tonight. My character is a Droid. Myself and another character are meeting with a powerful alien race, that are sortof friendly towards us, but their motives are pretty damn inscrutable. The GM is describing this very isolated location, concrete paths through a lush garden..

 

Me OOC: "Just out of curiosity, there isn't by chance a large floor drain nearby they can use to wash our blood down after they kill us?"

GM: "You don't even have blood."
Me: "I have fluids! Don't be fleshist!"

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Finally got to get back into gaming regularly a month or so ago (been a rough couple years).  While I realized I missed it, I didn't quite realized how much.  Among the many pluses is that I have game quotes again:

 

In the fantasy game we're playing the group has gotten lost in the wilderness via a 'teleportation accident'.  Braddoc (the halfling thief) isn't handling it well.

 

****

 

Braddoc: It's cold, wet and full of naked people.  I don't like it.

 

****

 

Braddoc: Can't hunt, can't gather, nothin' to steal.  This place sucks.  I throw rocks in the lake.

 

GM: Actually, there's no rocks on the beach.

 

Braddoc: This place really sucks.

 

****

 

GM (after another player attempts to catch some fish): All the other fish find this funny.

 

Nymera (ranger): Fish can be quite petty when you're not listening.

 

****

 

Nymera (speaking of Braddoc): Man, he's really bored.  He might start shanking some people.  We should start carrying around coloring books or something.

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I forgot one from the other week. The PCs are mounting an expedition to Hell to rescue some souls trapped there. The twist is the PCs are supervillains going there for not-entirely-noble reasons. So an NPC is explaining the nature of Hell:

 

“Hell literally resonates with the souls of those who have been sent there – the wicked, the damned, the lost. The soul of a Righteous Man stands out like a beacon against such wickedness, obvious to everyone for miles..."

"So we should have no trouble?"

"Yeah, you'll blend right in."

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Last Sunday I introduced the Mi-Go to the campaign.  For those not familiar with them, they're an alien race (fungi from Yoggoth, aka Pluto, although they're actually from another star system who use Pluto as a staging base for mining Earth and stealing people's brains) from Cthulhu mythos.  I've expanded on them somewhat, giving them a caste system (workers, soldiers, scientists, and leaders) each with slightly different physiology, and also have a smaller (poodle-sized) version that are part pet, part pest.  If you've read The Mote In God's Eye, I basically modeled them on Motie culture with the smaller ones as Watchmaker types.

 

In the news were two separate items.  The primary one was about a half-dozen "giant flying bugs" kidnapping a molecular biologist from Millennium City who happens to be working with / occasionally dating one of the PCs.

 

Pops:  Hey, I know her!  We're working on nanocellular regeneration together.  Why did someone grab her?

GM:  When the DNPC roll is 8 or less, and I roll a 5, that pretty much means something bad's gonna happen.

 

Defender (of the Champions) had tried to stop the kidnapping but was trounced by the Mi-Go (though he didn't know what they were).  From the video recorded by Defender's armor, Shadowboxer realizes they look similar to a sketch in a journal he had come across belonging to an associate of McGinty's (Professor Engeleins).

 

Shadowboxer:  Wait, don't I have any of McGinty's journals?

GM:  I don't think so.   Hold on.  (looks at McGinty's will)  Right.  He left them to Agent Landing of the ONI, "so he can finally learn all the things we've been up to and have a proper stroke."

 

Reading through the information where that sketch was made, SB learns that the "other-worldly anthropoids" had kidnapped Col. Lancaster, and McGinty and crew had followed them to a cave, gone through a Gate, and found three of the creatures scooping out his brain into a canister.

 

Nexus:  So we better get moving on finding her before she's a brain-in-a-jar.

Pops:  Yeah, I can't see our relationship working after that.

 

The other item is about somebody killing a guard at a zoo in Massachusetts and stealing a bunch of chimpanzees.  The authorities link this to a theft of a half-dozen bonobos from the Columbus zoo, where two of the zoo employees were also killed in a similar fashion.

 

GM:  They were all partially decapitated...

Malarky:  Wait, what do you mean, partially decapitated?  Did someone cut off just half of the guard's head?

GM:  Kinda, sorta. (evil grin)

 

They eventually find out all three brains were removed from their skulls, so they figure the same creatures are also behind Dr. Ellis' kidnapping. 

 

Shadowboxer:  Can I find out in the journal where the Gate that they found is located? 

GM:  There is a sketch map in the journal, showing a town, next to a river, with a mountain to the southwest.  However, the town is very unhelpfully named "Town", the river is labeled "Fook-Me River", and the mountain is apparently called "Mt. Bug-Shit."  All are in a different handwriting than the rest of the journal.  (pause)  By now, you're probably familiar enough with McGinty's drunken scrawl to recognize it.

 

The heroes head to Millennium City to help the Champions and the MCPD search for the creatures.  They learn that the Millennium City PRIMUS base radar detected the creatures but lost them over the south part of the city.  They eventually figure out they must have gone down into the salt mine under old Detroit.  (This actually exists, BTW.)

 

Maker:  So, we'll search the salt mine.  Shouldn't be that hard.

GM:  It's not quite so easy.  The mine covers 1,500 acres.  They're big enough for full-size trucks to move through.  About 100 miles of road, all at about 1,200 feet underground.

Honey Badger:  And I won't be able to track them, not with all that salt messing with my nose.  Blyech!

 

Talking to one of the mine workers.

 

Shadowboxer:  We think these creatures may be down here somewhere.  (shows screen capture from Defender's video)  Have you seen them?  Or even seen or heard anything weird down here?

Lance:  No, I haven't seen or heard anything like those things.

GM:  (has SB make a Conversation roll)  You get the feeling he isn't being 100% forthcoming.  He doesn't look nervous, like he knows anything directly.  Just that there's something he's not saying.

Circe:  Okay, fine, I read his mind.

Lance:  (thinking)  He couldn't be talking about the elves, could he?  Nah, they'd never do anything like kidnapping...

Circe:  Elves? 

GM:  You see mental images of trucks magically getting fixed overnight, or seats getting remolded to perfectly fit someone's rear.  He's never seen who is doing it, though.

Honey Badger:  You're talking about something more like brownies.
GM:  I don't think Lance is an authority on fantasy creatures.  "Elves" is the closest he's going to get.

 

(more to follow)

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Here Keebler, Keebler...

 

You called?

 

Keebler Elf

 

CHARACTERISTICS

Val Char Points Roll

5 STR -5 10-

13 DEX 6 12-

10 CON 0 11-

10 INT 0 11-

10 EGO 0 11-

10 PRE 0 11-

3 OCV 0

6 DCV 0

3 OMCV 0

3 DMCV 0

2 SPD 0

2+3 PD 0

2+3 ED 0

4 REC 0

20 END 0

8 BODY -2

Total Cost 18

 

MOVEMENT

Type Combat Noncombat

Run (12m) 10m 20m

Swim (4m) 4m 8m H.

Leap (4m) 2m 4m V. Leap (2m) 1m

 

SKILLS, PERKS, & TALENTS

Cost Name Roll

 

Keebler Cultural Template

3 1) Elven Magic: Power: Baking 11-

0 2) PS: Baker 11-

4 Hollow Tree: Base

 

7 Total Skills, Perks, & Talents Cost

 

POWERS AND EQUIPMENT

Cost Name Power/Equipment END 0

Keebler Racial Template 7

1) +3 DCV (15 Active Points); Perceivable (Noticeably short; -½), Limited Power

Not in hand to hand combat with creatures the same size or smaller (-½)

10 2) Elven Luck Luck 2d6 0

6 3) Elven Combat Luck (3 PD/3 ED)

 

23 Total Powers/Equipment Cost

 

MATCHING COMPLICATIONS (25)

Cost Complication Roll

10 Base Points

5 Physical Complication: Short (Infrequently; Barely Impairing)

5 Distinctive Features: Keebler Elf (Concealable; Noticed and Recognizable; Detectable By Commonly-Used Senses;

Not Distinctive In Hollow Trees)

5 As Appropriate (Subject to Orders, Obsessed with baking good cookies, etc.)

 

25 Total Complications Points

 

Background/History: Keebler Elves live and work underground, accessing the surface via hollow trees.

They are best known as bakers.

 

Quote: "Have a cookie. They're uncommonly good!"

 

Powers/tactics: This write up represents a minimal Keebler Elf. Most will have, at least, a few more skills.

Leaders are apt to possess all manner of mysterious magical powers, usually related to baking.

 

Campaign Use: Built on 10 Base Points plus 15 pts in Complications for a total of 25 pts, a standard Keebler Elf meets the

guidelines for a "Standard Normal."

 

Keebler Elves are a trademark of the Keebler Company, a division of Kellogg. Character sheet by

 

Lucius Alexander

 

Copyright Palindromedary Enterprises

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The Menace of the Mi-Go (part 2)

 

The heroes (Just Cause, joined by Jaguar of the Champions) are searching the salt mines for a Gate.  It should be noted that Honey Badger has a Complication of Rivalry (Professional) with Jaguar.

 

Honey Badger:  Oh!  Oh!  Maker!  I need you to make a laser for me!
Maker:  Sure.  You think these creatures are vulnerable to lasers?

HB:  No, not for them!  I'm going to shine it down the mine tunnels for Jaguar to chase!

Maker:  You want me to use my gadget pool to make... a laser pointer?!

HB:  Sure.  It'll be fun!

Maker:  No.  Absolutely not.

HB:  I guess you're not a team player.

 

Eventually, they find the Gate behind a holographic wall of salt.  And the GM made an assumption as to what may have happened in Drhoz's Cthulhu campaign.  (Apologies if I was dead wrong.)

 

Shadowboxer:  Well, at least we didn't have to go to Vermont to find the one McGinty and crew used.

GM:  That's okay.  The cave where that Gate was located is a pile of rubble.  Somebody may have been a little too liberal with their use of dynamite.

 

This Gate has various markings engraved all over the front, as well as along the inside of the Gate's arch.  The heroes figure that touching different sets of symbols in the right sequence would probably activate the Gate to let them follow the Mi-Go.  They also figure out which symbols were touched recently, but have no idea in what order to touch them. 

 

GM:  Why not just touch them in any random order? It's bound to be safe, right?

 

Eventually, they figure out that the symbols combined create a mathematical equation specifying a location in space-time. 

 

Malarky:  So, it can open a gate through time and space?

GM:  Sure.  Engeleins' journal did say that they somehow ended up 11 years in the future when they went back through the Gate.

Shadowboxer:  They must have forgotten to carry the 2.

 

They solve the equation to discover that the creatures went somewhere out around Pluto's orbit.

Malarky:  They went to Pluto?

Honey Badger:  Pfft.  They don't even have a real planet.

Circe:  Maybe that's why they don't like Earth.  "We used to have a full size planet, but you humans turned it into a dwarf planet.  Damn you!"

GM:  Yeah, It's all Neil deGrasse Tyson's fault.

 

Maker gadgeteers some spacesuits for her teammates, and they step through into a chamber with a ring of different Gates (six total) around the periphery, and a raised dias in the center with a metallic column marked with the same symbols as on the Gate they traveled through.  Shadowboxer uses his ability to see and hear through shadows to scope out the tunnels and caverns making up the Mi-Go base (at least, this part of it).  Lots of weird stuff the heroes can't make much sense of, including Mi-Go technology whose purpose and operating principles seem incomprehensible.

 

GM:  (pulls out map)   Here's what you're finding.

Pops:  Hey, that's on paper, not the erasable hexmap.

GM:  I figured you'll all end up visiting here again in the future, so I wanted a more permanent version.

 

SB locates Dr. Ellis.

 

GM:  This chamber has about six chimpanzees and four bonobos in it, as well as Dr. Ellis.  There's some sort of energy barrier blocking the entrance.

Circe:  They locked her up with the chimps?

GM:  (shrug)  To the Mi-Go, they're all lesser life-forms.

Circe:  Bonobos?

Honey Badger:  They're primates, even closer to humans, genetically, than chimpanzees.

GM:  Wow.  I've gotta say, I'm surprised you knew that.

HB:  (offended)  Why wouldn't I?  I'm not an idiot.  I read stuff.

GM:  I never said you were.  But you've gotta admit, it's not exactly common knowledge.

 

Nexus:  Pops, how much can you teleport?

Pops:  1600 kilos.

Nexus:  So how many chimps and bonobos would that be?

Pops:  Zero.  I didn't come here to save a bunch of monkeys.

 

Shadowboxer saw a rather large cavern between them and the room containing Dr. Ellis and the primates.  The large cavern holds dozens of Mi-Go, mostly workers but about ten soldiers and a scientist or two.  Shortly after Malarky gets the Gate re-opened back to Earth, another scientist Mi-Go leaves the room he was in to talk to some of the soldiers in the large cavern.  Soon, the other soldier and scientist Mi-Go begin to gather around him.

 

Pops:  Guys, we need to make our move soon.  I think he's going to be buffing them up to fight us.

Nexus:  How do they know we're here?

GM:  (shrug)  Who knows?  It's not like you did anything like activate a Gate...

 

GM:  Before this gets going, Maker, be aware that 2/3 of your gadget pool is tied up with everybody's spacesuits.

Maker:  Do we need them?  Before we opened the Gate to get here, we were mainly worried about possible vacuum.

GM:  The air is breathable.  A few more trace elements and a different oxygen/nitrogen ratio than you're used to, but nothing dangerous.  It's chilly, but not horribly so, maybe mid-40s Fahrenheit.

Maker: In that case, if nobody minds I'd like my stuff back. 

 

The heroes have one problem -- they can't teleport directly to Dr. Ellis, since they need an area open enough for all of them to arrive.  So they teleport into the tunnel outside that chamber.  And of course the Mi-Go begin swarming their way.  The heroes manage to block one end of the tunnel with Malarky's thorny AoE Entangle, trapping a handful of Mi-Go, but others arrive from the other direction before anybody can block them.  A Mi-Go scientist uses a Mist Gun to cause a sizable area to have a sudden flash-freeze (5d6 NND [LS: cold], Does BODY, AoE).  This leaves over half the party down 5 BODY and about 15 STUN.

 

Pops:  I see what you did there, getting rid of our spacesuits.  Nicely done.

 

Another Mi-Go blasts an area that catches all but two heroes. 

 

GM:  Don't worry, it's only a 10d6 attack.  You guys can probably laugh this off.  (rolls 5 6's and the remaining 5 dice show nothing below 3)  Hmmm.  Maybe not.

 

In one Phase, over half the hero team has only about 6 STUN apiece, they've only taken out two Mi-Go, and there are over a dozen more heading their way.  At the start of Phase 2, Pops runs into the room just outside the one holding Dr. Ellis, and teleports her to his side.

 

Pops:  Okay, guys, change of plan.  I'm leaving next Phase.  If you want to get out of here, you'd better gather around.  Because I'm not sticking around for stragglers.

Nexus:  What about the chimps?

Pops:  F*** the monkeys.

Honey Badger:  (quoting Aliens)  That's it, man!  Game over!  Maybe you haven't been keeping up on current events, but we just got our asses kicked!

 

The heroes get back to the Gate chamber, activate the Gate back to Earth, and rush through, battered and bruised but successful.

 

Pops:  You don't need to keep this map.  We are never coming back here, unless it's with a battalion of space Marines.  Or maybe a nuke.

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Return to Edge City : Recruiting The Team
Edge City's newest superheroes, getting together a wildly optimistic plan to deal with the conurbation's many problems.

Flux: Techneurge/Cybermage
Hardlight: Industrialist, Philanthropist, Secret superhero.
Hero Shrew: Anthropomorphic Anger Ball "Shake vigorously, point towards enemy"
Fireflash: Flying Energy Projector, who made an unfortunate first public appearance when she escaped from the illegal medical experiments that created her powers. "One of the reporters decided they needed to work 'flash' into her name somehow."

Hero Shrew OoC: I'm detecting a theme here - Flux, Hardlight, Fireflash.... And then there's Hero Shrew.

GM: One of my previous characters would have conference calls during superhero fights. 'So Gerry, what I think we need to do in the third quarter is - just a minute - I TOLD YOU TO STAY DOWN - anyway, the third quarter.'

Hardlight's player: You guys are going to hate me but it will be fun later - I took 'Weirdness Magnet'.
Flux's player: I can see it now. 'And who do we blame for all this? This guy.'

GM: Hardlight is barely harder to hit than the hex he's standing in. He mostly relies on hitting things at range - but he's crap at that too.

Hardlight attempts to recruit a team.

GM: So how do you know each other?
Hardlight OoC: I hired them?
Fireflash OoC: At my age?
Hero Shrew OoC: Intern then.
Fireflash OoC: Probably not - I had a bad experience with my last internship.
GM: That's how she got her powers.

Hero Shrew OoC: You needed a team for a particular job? 'Now who do I know in Edge City? There's that one who was on the news the other day - the one with the perky nipples'
Flux's player: 'I like her.' 'She's under age.' 'Er, I don't LIKE like her, I like her spunk..... Bad choice of words.' That would be an interesting Disad.
GM: Uncontrollable Double Entendre.

Sounds like the notorious Smut Field. How would you stat THAT out in Hero?

On top of all the corporate and supergang shenanigans, there's Edge City's large population of engineered animals, many of whom have there own superhuman abilities. Never has the term 'rats with capes' been more appropriate.

GM: Hero Shrew works as a bouncer at a titty bar in the Zoo.
Hero Shrew: And I always need money because of all the criminal damage cases.
GM: All kind of girls at the bar - squirrel girls, gazelle girls
Hero Shrew: Cat girls.
GM: The Zoo is paradise for furries.
Flux's player: Am I playing Black Crusade again by mistake?
Hero Shrew: For the really adventurous there's hyena girls.

GM: There's a photo and note next to the door. "This bouncer can clean lift 25 tonnes" And the photo is Hero Shrew smiling.
Fireflash's player: Which with shrews is SCARY.

GM: Hardlight's civilian ID is Gareth Lowell, a philanthropist millionaire who actually hires Moreaus. And you've never heard of him.
Hero Shrew: *shrug* Outside my usual social circles.
Hardlight OoC: You wondered why I was being followed by paparazzi.
Flux OoC: Who photographed you going into a titty bar.
GM: A FURRY titty bar. Currently trending #LowellTitFur.

Hero Shrew gets one of the girls to read the card Gareth Lowell / Hardlight left for him. It takes a few attempts for the number $30,000 to sink in.

Hero Shrew: Hey! I can get the door fixed!
Bunni: You broke the door again? I keep telling you, you should get a curtain.
Flux: I keep expecting him to go home to food pellets and an exercise wheel.

Hardlight's attempts to recruit Flux don't go quite so smoothly, especially after Flux sees what is trending on Twitter.

GM: Flux, you think you're being propositioned for a swinger's party.
Flux: I get spam that's more competent than this.
Hardlight: It's my first time out.
GM, Fireflash: *cackling*
Flux: Let's start again - You're a superhero and you want extra muscle for a job? Or is this 'Can I get your number, baby?'

GM: I'm going to make it easy for you - come up with a team name, make a Facebook group, and Invite Fireflash to join it.
Fireflash: I'm an underage teenage girl and I'm being asked to join a group by someone named HARDlight?
GM: I don't even need to steer this into the gutter.
Fireflash: Blocked.

Fireflash: Am I the first one you've tried to recruit?
Hardlight: No, you're the third.
Fireflash: And the first two turned you down?
Hardlight: No, actually.
Fireflash: Well, you must be doing something right.
Hardlight: Actually, I haven't heard back from the first guy yet...
Hero Shrew OoC: 'But he didn't throw me out of the titty bar'.

Bunni: I'll help you get there, Scooter.
Hero Shrew: Thanks, Bunni, I dunno what I'd do without ya.
Bunni: Break everything?
Hero Shrew: Yeah, probably.

Fireflash: *on phone* Hey Nicki, I won't be able to make the game tonight. Sorry. Can you play my cleric for me?

Fireflash's costume is on the skimpy side - her enhanced metabolism runs at a dangerously high temperature.

Flux: She doesn't even have a boob window.
Hardlight: She doesn't need them - she's wearing a bikini.

Hero Shrew's Hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold friend makes sure he gets to the meeting on time.

GM: There's a bunny girl waiting at the meeting place. Long ears, fluffy tail, the whole deal.
Flux: Good feelings.
GM: And then there's the ball of fur, muscle, and teeth next to her.
Flux: Good feelings all gone.

Bunni: Now, Scooter, remember, this is LowellTech. Don't forget to give them the card.
Hero Shrew: Oh yeah. *starts patting pockets* Uh...
Bunni: *sigh* I've got it, remember? *pulls card from cleavage*
Hero Shrew: Oh, right, I remember now.
Bunni: And remember what I said about getting home. Stick to the main roads. If you go into any alleyways you'll have to hurt someone again.
Hero Shrew: Yeah, that happens a lot, dunnit? See ya tomorrow Bunni.
Bunni: *kisses the shrew's cheek*

Hardlight realises he's arranged for everybody to arrive at the same time.

Hardlight: I have made a boo-boo. Quick everybody, get inside.
Fireflash: Hey! Watch it with the hands!
Flux: This guy is a social media disaster. 'Edge City Philanthropist Seen With Teenager, Manimal, and ... Cameraman?'

Hardlight is also unaware that Flux and Fireflash have already figured out his secret identity. This bodes ill for future supervillain revenge schemes. Ill for Hardlight - it bodes great for any villain with half a brain.

Fireflash: Who are you?
Flux: Flux. Don't you read the Facebook group?
Fireflash: No - I blocked him after I though he was a creep.
Flux: Nah, he was like that with me too. Well, he MIGHT be a grabber, he's rich.

Hardlight changes back into his civilian garb and heads out front to meet Hero Shrew.

Hardlight/Gareth Lowell: Mr Shrew, good to see you, mate! Er... Mate?
GM: Aaaaaand three for three. Apparently he wants to breed with you.
Moreau Employee: He means 'Friend'

Hardlight creates a few hologram sofas for his team to sit on.

Hardlight: So let's get into it.
Fireflash: Into what? Because I don't want any orgies.
Hardlight: Superheroics! Not orgies! Truth, Justice, and the American goddamned Way!
Hero Shrew: Will this count as community service?

Hardlight: I'm prepared to pay you all a salary.
Fireflash: I can't do weekdays - I'm not willing to give up school.
Flux: It'll be like a weekend knitting club.

Fireflash: So what do you do?
Hero Shrew: Er... bounce stuff? Demolish buildings?
Fireflash: So you're big and strong? Well, small and strong.
Hero Shrew: Yeah.
Fireflash: And you?
Flux: Florist.

Fireflash: What about you? That suit do anything?
Hardlight: You're sitting on what I can do.... Oh god.
Flux: *slow clap*
GM: New Rule - Hardlight is never allowed to talk to the press.
Flux: Also, Hero Shrew is not flammable but smells bad when wet.

Hardlight does not, in fact, have a job in mind right now.

Hardlight: ... I just wanted to set up the knitting club.
Flux: I WILL re-edit your Facebook page.
GM: Not difficult.
Flux: The threat is real.
Fireflash: If you are up to something that makes my friends think I'm in a knitting club I will re-edit your face.

But Flux IS aware of something suspicious. Somebody has been testing security alarms and response times over in the light industrial suburb of Ditko. Flux weaves a spell that makes us invisible to cameras, so we can stake the suburb out.

Flux: Don't try to take any selfies.

Flux is right - the heist is being planned by the Six Teens, one of Edge City's more notorious supervillain groups. Titania, Lash, Iron Claw, Black Warlock, Viper Girl and Ghost Shadow.

GM: But you can only see 5 of them. 'I can't see the ninja - oh crap'.

Lash is carrying the Iron Claw in one of her energy tendrils, and walking on another four.

Hardlight: Is he injured?
GM: No - it's just faster this way.

They walk up to a storage warehouse and Iron Claw starts tearing off a wall.

Fireflash: These are the guys we're here to stop, right?
Flux: No, they're Girl Scouts delivering cookies.

Hero Shrew starts looking around for things to use as blunt instruments.

GM: There's plenty of options - it's an industrial estate.
Hero Shrew: Dumpsters, forklifts...

Hardlight: Stop, in the name of Justice!
Lash: *has already turned to catch the dumpster Hero Shrew has already thrown*
Hardlight: .... Huh.
Fireflash: Seriously? Hardlight, do you have any idea of the concept of a surprise attack?
GM: There's a reason you can only see five of them
Hero Shrew: Crap. The Ninja is doing Overwatch for them.
Flux: Ninja? What Ninja? I can't see any ninjas.
Hero Shrew OoC: Worse, there's only one Ninja - we're screwed.
GM: True - Ninjitsu has been conserved.
Lash: Seriously? A Dumpster?
Titania: Wow. Well then. This is a thing.

Any bookie would give our team poor odds in the fight - the Six Teens badly outclass us. But we get very lucky - Fireflash blasts them with a dazzling attack, which actually gets them all, and we discover Lash has 360 vision and no flash defence.

Flux: We have discovered a weakness >:)
Lash: See? This is why I keep saying we need goggles.

Ghost Shadow: Ah, two can play at that game. *blinds Fireflash with Shadow Powder*
Fireflash: Argh, Jesus, that burns! Asshole!

Their leader, Titania, runs through a wall to set up some later move out of our sight.

Hardlight: Hammer of JUSTICE!!!!!
Hero Shrew OoC: You don't have to announce your attacks, you know.
Hardlight: Yes I do.
GM: He took the Disad

Hardlight manages to hit himself with his own hologrammic Hammer of Justice. And Hero Shrew's gets the dumpster back in the face.

GM: *sings* Return, to Sender.

Hardlight: ARMOUR-PIERCING BITCH SLAP!
Flux: ....
Hardlight: Yes, I call it that.
Flux: Suddenly I wish the concealment spell was still up.
Fireflash: We are going to have words later.

GM: Viper Girl is up, and she's not happy. That hurt.
Hero Shrew OoC: And somebody just yelled BITCH SLAP.
GM: And that too.

Iron Claw, still dazzled, finally tears his way through the solid metal slab reinforcing the inner wall of the 'storage warehouse'.

Iron Claw: Finally!... Am I through yet?

Lash lashes away, and Titania re-emerges to lay down her own hurt, orders her team to cover Iron Claw's entrance into the 'warehouse', and gets an enraged Shrew wielding a street-sign in the face.

Hero Shrew: CAPTAIN CAAAAAAAAVVVVEMAAAAN!!!!!!

Lash takes a particular interest in attacking Hardlight.

Lash: Sorry, What *LASH* Did *LASH* You *LASH* Call *LASH* Me?
Fireflash: And he deserves it.

Titania's tactical analysis is spot-on. Flux, for example, has no obvious powers, and she's cautious enough to avoid hand-to-hand with an unknown.

Titania: The skinny ones tend to be tricky *punches the ground so hard that the rebounding turf slaps Flux three stories into the air*

And then Black Warlock mind-controls Hero Shrew into attacking the rest of the knitting circle.

Titania: Hi there. You'd better stay down. *punches Hardlight the rest of the way into unconsciousness*
GM: And now that she's the only one visible, Fireflash knows that the Anger Ball is coming for her.
Fireflash: *runs away*
Titania: Smart girl.

Viper Girl: I'm bored. *fires energy beams at Flux's crotch and singes off his short-and-curlies*
GM: I think that counts as a Presence Attack.

Titania: *grabs Flux by a leg, and flings him a few blocks* Fetch. *Hero Shrew heads off after Flux, who barely avoids the shrews's attack*
Flux: I think the screaming and flailing helped.

Titania: We're here to work, not play.
Black Warlock: She's got a point, sweetie. I'll steal you something nice later.

The Six Teens teleport out with whatever they were after, and we at least learn that the 'warehouse' was full of InfoComp server stacks. InfoComp specialise in data-mining and info-brokering. This is probably bad, but at least we learned how focused and co-ordinated the Six Teens are, and suspect they were hired for the job.

Hero Shrew OoC: And we've learned that Hardlight's biggest power is putting his foot in his own mouth.

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Last Sunday I introduced the Mi-Go to the campaign.  For those not familiar with them, they're an alien race (fungi from Yoggoth, aka Pluto, although they're actually from another star system who use Pluto as a staging base for mining Earth and stealing people's brains) from Cthulhu mythos.  I've expanded on them somewhat, giving them a caste system (workers, soldiers, scientists, and leaders) each with slightly different physiology, and also have a smaller (poodle-sized) version that are part pet, part pest.  If you've read The Mote In God's Eye, I basically modeled them on Motie culture with the smaller ones as Watchmaker types.

 

 

 

 

 

Talking to one of the mine workers.

 

Shadowboxer:  We think these creatures may be down here somewhere.  (shows screen capture from Defender's video)  Have you seen them?  Or even seen or heard anything weird down here?

Lance:  No, I haven't seen or heard anything like those things.

GM:  (has SB make a Conversation roll)  You get the feeling he isn't being 100% forthcoming.  He doesn't look nervous, like he knows anything directly.  Just that there's something he's not saying.

Circe:  Okay, fine, I read his mind.

Lance:  (thinking)  He couldn't be talking about the elves, could he?  Nah, they'd never do anything like kidnapping...

Circe:  Elves? 

GM:  You see mental images of trucks magically getting fixed overnight, or seats getting remolded to perfectly fit someone's rear.  He's never seen who is doing it, though.

Honey Badger:  You're talking about something more like brownies.

GM:  I don't think Lance is an authority on fantasy creatures.  "Elves" is the closest he's going to get.

 

(more to follow)

 

 

Nice ;)

 

Interesting thing - in the Laundry series, the codename for the Mi-Go is PLUTO KOBOLD - because kobolds were originally mine spirits :)

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The Menace of the Mi-Go (part 2)

 

The heroes (Just Cause, joined by Jaguar of the Champions) are searching the salt mines for a Gate.  It should be noted that Honey Badger has a Complication of Rivalry (Professional) with Jaguar.

 

Honey Badger:  Oh!  Oh!  Maker!  I need you to make a laser for me!

Maker:  Sure.  You think these creatures are vulnerable to lasers?

HB:  No, not for them!  I'm going to shine it down the mine tunnels for Jaguar to chase!

Maker:  You want me to use my gadget pool to make... a laser pointer?!

HB:  Sure.  It'll be fun!

Maker:  No.  Absolutely not.

HB:  I guess you're not a team player.

 

Eventually, they find the Gate behind a holographic wall of salt.  And the GM made an assumption as to what may have happened in Drhoz's Cthulhu campaign.  (Apologies if I was dead wrong.)

 

 

Doesn't bother me :) In my campaign, the Great Race of Yith briefly hijacked the MiGo's Gate network as part of their own plan to use the PCs in their complicated time travel shennanigans - they just needed to give them a few nudges in the right direction about how to survive the next decade, and by surviving it, ensure the eventual extinction of Mankind and ascendancy of the Yithian far-future beetle-bodies.

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Return to Edge City : Recruiting The Team

Edge City's newest superheroes, getting together a wildly optimistic plan to deal with the conurbation's many problems.

 

 

Flux: Techneurge/Cybermage

Hardlight: Industrialist, Philanthropist, Secret superhero.

Hero Shrew: Anthropomorphic Anger Ball "Shake vigorously, point towards enemy"

Fireflash: Flying Energy Projector, who made an unfortunate first public appearance when she escaped from the illegal medical experiments that created her powers. "One of the reporters decided they needed to work 'flash' into her name somehow."

 

Hero Shrew OoC: I'm detecting a theme here - Flux, Hardlight, Fireflash.... And then there's Hero Shrew.

 

GM: One of my previous characters would have conference calls during superhero fights. 'So Gerry, what I think we need to do in the third quarter is - just a minute - I TOLD YOU TO STAY DOWN - anyway, the third quarter.'

 

Hardlight's player: You guys are going to hate me but it will be fun later - I took 'Weirdness Magnet'.

Flux's player: I can see it now. 'And who do we blame for all this? This guy.'

 

GM: Hardlight is barely harder to hit than the hex he's standing in. He mostly relies on hitting things at range - but he's crap at that too.

 

Hardlight attempts to recruit a team.

 

GM: So how do you know each other?

Hardlight OoC: I hired them?

Fireflash OoC: At my age?

Hero Shrew OoC: Intern then.

Fireflash OoC: Probably not - I had a bad experience with my last internship.

GM: That's how she got her powers.

 

Hero Shrew OoC: You needed a team for a particular job? 'Now who do I know in Edge City? There's that one who was on the news the other day - the one with the perky nipples'

Flux's player: 'I like her.' 'She's under age.' 'Er, I don't LIKE like her, I like her spunk..... Bad choice of words.' That would be an interesting Disad.

GM: Uncontrollable Double Entendre.

 

Sounds like the notorious Smut Field. How would you stat THAT out in Hero?

 

On top of all the corporate and supergang shenanigans, there's Edge City's large population of engineered animals, many of whom have there own superhuman abilities. Never has the term 'rats with capes' been more appropriate.

 

GM: Hero Shrew works as a bouncer at a titty bar in the Zoo.

Hero Shrew: And I always need money because of all the criminal damage cases.

GM: All kind of girls at the bar - squirrel girls, gazelle girls

Hero Shrew: Cat girls.

GM: The Zoo is paradise for furries.

Flux's player: Am I playing Black Crusade again by mistake?

Hero Shrew: For the really adventurous there's hyena girls.

 

GM: There's a photo and note next to the door. "This bouncer can clean lift 25 tonnes" And the photo is Hero Shrew smiling.

Fireflash's player: Which with shrews is SCARY.

 

GM: Hardlight's civilian ID is Gareth Lowell, a philanthropist millionaire who actually hires Moreaus. And you've never heard of him.

Hero Shrew: *shrug* Outside my usual social circles.

Hardlight OoC: You wondered why I was being followed by paparazzi.

Flux OoC: Who photographed you going into a titty bar.

GM: A FURRY titty bar. Currently trending #LowellTitFur.

 

Hero Shrew gets one of the girls to read the card Gareth Lowell / Hardlight left for him. It takes a few attempts for the number $30,000 to sink in.

 

Hero Shrew: Hey! I can get the door fixed!

Bunni: You broke the door again? I keep telling you, you should get a curtain.

Flux: I keep expecting him to go home to food pellets and an exercise wheel.

 

Hardlight's attempts to recruit Flux don't go quite so smoothly, especially after Flux sees what is trending on Twitter.

 

GM: Flux, you think you're being propositioned for a swinger's party.

Flux: I get spam that's more competent than this.

Hardlight: It's my first time out.

GM, Fireflash: *cackling*

Flux: Let's start again - You're a superhero and you want extra muscle for a job? Or is this 'Can I get your number, baby?'

 

GM: I'm going to make it easy for you - come up with a team name, make a Facebook group, and Invite Fireflash to join it.

Fireflash: I'm an underage teenage girl and I'm being asked to join a group by someone named HARDlight?

GM: I don't even need to steer this into the gutter.

Fireflash: Blocked.

 

Fireflash: Am I the first one you've tried to recruit?

Hardlight: No, you're the third.

Fireflash: And the first two turned you down?

Hardlight: No, actually.

Fireflash: Well, you must be doing something right.

Hardlight: Actually, I haven't heard back from the first guy yet...

Hero Shrew OoC: 'But he didn't throw me out of the titty bar'.

 

Bunni: I'll help you get there, Scooter.

Hero Shrew: Thanks, Bunni, I dunno what I'd do without ya.

Bunni: Break everything?

Hero Shrew: Yeah, probably.

 

Fireflash: *on phone* Hey Nicki, I won't be able to make the game tonight. Sorry. Can you play my cleric for me?

 

Fireflash's costume is on the skimpy side - her enhanced metabolism runs at a dangerously high temperature.

 

Flux: She doesn't even have a boob window.

Hardlight: She doesn't need them - she's wearing a bikini.

 

Hero Shrew's Hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold friend makes sure he gets to the meeting on time.

 

GM: There's a bunny girl waiting at the meeting place. Long ears, fluffy tail, the whole deal.

Flux: Good feelings.

GM: And then there's the ball of fur, muscle, and teeth next to her.

Flux: Good feelings all gone.

 

Bunni: Now, Scooter, remember, this is LowellTech. Don't forget to give them the card.

Hero Shrew: Oh yeah. *starts patting pockets* Uh...

Bunni: *sigh* I've got it, remember? *pulls card from cleavage*

Hero Shrew: Oh, right, I remember now.

Bunni: And remember what I said about getting home. Stick to the main roads. If you go into any alleyways you'll have to hurt someone again.

Hero Shrew: Yeah, that happens a lot, dunnit? See ya tomorrow Bunni.

Bunni: *kisses the shrew's cheek*

 

Hardlight realises he's arranged for everybody to arrive at the same time.

 

Hardlight: I have made a boo-boo. Quick everybody, get inside.

Fireflash: Hey! Watch it with the hands!

Flux: This guy is a social media disaster. 'Edge City Philanthropist Seen With Teenager, Manimal, and ... Cameraman?'

 

Hardlight is also unaware that Flux and Fireflash have already figured out his secret identity. This bodes ill for future supervillain revenge schemes. Ill for Hardlight - it bodes great for any villain with half a brain.

 

Fireflash: Who are you?

Flux: Flux. Don't you read the Facebook group?

Fireflash: No - I blocked him after I though he was a creep.

Flux: Nah, he was like that with me too. Well, he MIGHT be a grabber, he's rich.

 

Hardlight changes back into his civilian garb and heads out front to meet Hero Shrew.

 

Hardlight/Gareth Lowell: Mr Shrew, good to see you, mate! Er... Mate?

GM: Aaaaaand three for three. Apparently he wants to breed with you.

Moreau Employee: He means 'Friend'

 

Hardlight creates a few hologram sofas for his team to sit on.

 

Hardlight: So let's get into it.

Fireflash: Into what? Because I don't want any orgies.

Hardlight: Superheroics! Not orgies! Truth, Justice, and the American goddamned Way!

Hero Shrew: Will this count as community service?

 

Hardlight: I'm prepared to pay you all a salary.

Fireflash: I can't do weekdays - I'm not willing to give up school.

Flux: It'll be like a weekend knitting club.

 

Fireflash: So what do you do?

Hero Shrew: Er... bounce stuff? Demolish buildings?

Fireflash: So you're big and strong? Well, small and strong.

Hero Shrew: Yeah.

Fireflash: And you?

Flux: Florist.

 

Fireflash: What about you? That suit do anything?

Hardlight: You're sitting on what I can do.... Oh god.

Flux: *slow clap*

GM: New Rule - Hardlight is never allowed to talk to the press.

Flux: Also, Hero Shrew is not flammable but smells bad when wet.

 

Hardlight does not, in fact, have a job in mind right now.

 

Hardlight: ... I just wanted to set up the knitting club.

Flux: I WILL re-edit your Facebook page.

GM: Not difficult.

Flux: The threat is real.

Fireflash: If you are up to something that makes my friends think I'm in a knitting club I will re-edit your face.

 

But Flux IS aware of something suspicious. Somebody has been testing security alarms and response times over in the light industrial suburb of Ditko. Flux weaves a spell that makes us invisible to cameras, so we can stake the suburb out.

 

Flux: Don't try to take any selfies.

 

Flux is right - the heist is being planned by the Six Teens, one of Edge City's more notorious supervillain groups. Titania, Lash, Iron Claw, Black Warlock, Viper Girl and Ghost Shadow.

 

GM: But you can only see 5 of them. 'I can't see the ninja - oh crap'.

 

Lash is carrying the Iron Claw in one of her energy tendrils, and walking on another four.

 

Hardlight: Is he injured?

GM: No - it's just faster this way.

 

They walk up to a storage warehouse and Iron Claw starts tearing off a wall.

 

Fireflash: These are the guys we're here to stop, right?

Flux: No, they're Girl Scouts delivering cookies.

 

Hero Shrew starts looking around for things to use as blunt instruments.

 

GM: There's plenty of options - it's an industrial estate.

Hero Shrew: Dumpsters, forklifts...

 

Hardlight: Stop, in the name of Justice!

Lash: *has already turned to catch the dumpster Hero Shrew has already thrown*

Hardlight: .... Huh.

Fireflash: Seriously? Hardlight, do you have any idea of the concept of a surprise attack?

GM: There's a reason you can only see five of them

Hero Shrew: Crap. The Ninja is doing Overwatch for them.

Flux: Ninja? What Ninja? I can't see any ninjas.

Hero Shrew OoC: Worse, there's only one Ninja - we're screwed.

GM: True - Ninjitsu has been conserved.

Lash: Seriously? A Dumpster?

Titania: Wow. Well then. This is a thing.

 

Any bookie would give our team poor odds in the fight - the Six Teens badly outclass us. But we get very lucky - Fireflash blasts them with a dazzling attack, which actually gets them all, and we discover Lash has 360 vision and no flash defence.

 

Flux: We have discovered a weakness > :)

Lash: See? This is why I keep saying we need goggles.

 

Ghost Shadow: Ah, two can play at that game. *blinds Fireflash with Shadow Powder*

Fireflash: Argh, Jesus, that burns! Asshole!

 

Their leader, Titania, runs through a wall to set up some later move out of our sight.

 

Hardlight: Hammer of JUSTICE!!!!!

Hero Shrew OoC: You don't have to announce your attacks, you know.

Hardlight: Yes I do.

GM: He took the Disad

 

Hardlight manages to hit himself with his own hologrammic Hammer of Justice. And Hero Shrew's gets the dumpster back in the face.

 

GM: *sings* Return, to Sender.

 

Hardlight: ARMOUR-PIERCING BITCH SLAP!

Flux: ....

Hardlight: Yes, I call it that.

Flux: Suddenly I wish the concealment spell was still up.

Fireflash: We are going to have words later.

 

GM: Viper Girl is up, and she's not happy. That hurt.

Hero Shrew OoC: And somebody just yelled BITCH SLAP.

GM: And that too.

 

Iron Claw, still dazzled, finally tears his way through the solid metal slab reinforcing the inner wall of the 'storage warehouse'.

 

Iron Claw: Finally!... Am I through yet?

 

Lash lashes away, and Titania re-emerges to lay down her own hurt, orders her team to cover Iron Claw's entrance into the 'warehouse', and gets an enraged Shrew wielding a street-sign in the face.

 

Hero Shrew: CAPTAIN CAAAAAAAAVVVVEMAAAAN!!!!!!

 

Lash takes a particular interest in attacking Hardlight.

 

Lash: Sorry, What *LASH* Did *LASH* You *LASH* Call *LASH* Me?

Fireflash: And he deserves it.

 

Titania's tactical analysis is spot-on. Flux, for example, has no obvious powers, and she's cautious enough to avoid hand-to-hand with an unknown.

 

Titania: The skinny ones tend to be tricky *punches the ground so hard that the rebounding turf slaps Flux three stories into the air*

 

And then Black Warlock mind-controls Hero Shrew into attacking the rest of the knitting circle.

 

Titania: Hi there. You'd better stay down. *punches Hardlight the rest of the way into unconsciousness*

GM: And now that she's the only one visible, Fireflash knows that the Anger Ball is coming for her.

Fireflash: *runs away*

Titania: Smart girl.

 

Viper Girl: I'm bored. *fires energy beams at Flux's crotch and singes off his short-and-curlies*

GM: I think that counts as a Presence Attack.

 

Titania: *grabs Flux by a leg, and flings him a few blocks* Fetch. *Hero Shrew heads off after Flux, who barely avoids the shrews's attack*

Flux: I think the screaming and flailing helped.

 

Titania: We're here to work, not play.

Black Warlock: She's got a point, sweetie. I'll steal you something nice later.

 

The Six Teens teleport out with whatever they were after, and we at least learn that the 'warehouse' was full of InfoComp server stacks. InfoComp specialise in data-mining and info-brokering. This is probably bad, but at least we learned how focused and co-ordinated the Six Teens are, and suspect they were hired for the job.

 

Hero Shrew OoC: And we've learned that Hardlight's biggest power is putting his foot in his own mouth.

 

I have to admit, I had a loooot of fun running this.

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So, we're still lost in the wilderness.  Apparently we're on an island with 4 different magical gates, each in extremely hard to get to or well guarded locations.  Also, none of us know how to properly control the gates.  We start out debating which of these gates we want to attempt to reach to try to get back home.

 

*****

 

Nymera [OOC] (after hearing about the 'darkness elementals' guarding the pass to one of the gates): That sounds vague enough to be really awful.

 

*****

 

Nymera (speaking to a friendly Treant about the various gates): Are they all equally hard to control?  'Cause this group is stupid and we need simple.

 

*****

 

Nymeria [OOC]: I have a cat who is made of murder buttons.

 

*****

 

Nymera: Do you want regular drowning or drowning with the upgrade?

 

*****

 

Nymera: If this plan works, we'll be in some other horrendous hell-hole.

 

*****

 

Braddoc [OOC]:  He [the GM] needs the exact steps, in order, of how you're going to fail this.

 

[This was followed, several minutes later, by the player in question rolling a massive success to activate and control the magical gate.  Unfortunately, he had activated the wrong address symbols.]

 

*****

 

Braddoc [OOC] (after another player spends several minutes "auditioning" all of his d20s): Gamers are a superstitious and cowardly lot,.

 

*****

 

Braddoc [OOC] (after another player has a accident involving a bottle of soda and bad judgement): This night shall forever more be known as "The Great Ski Incident of 2016".

 

*****

 

Braddoc (after we've travelled through the gate to the wrong address and have followed a natural cavern up into an area of worked stone): Worked stone means the possibility of traps.

 

Nymera: I was hoping you'd say "possibility of friends".

 

Braddoc: I'm not that optimistic.  I've met us.

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Braddoc (after we've travelled through the gate to the wrong address and have followed a natural cavern up into an area of worked stone): Worked stone means the possibility of traps.

 

Nymera: I was hoping you'd say "possibility of friends".

 

Braddoc: I'm not that optimistic.  I've met us.

That sounds like most groups of PCs that I know.

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Return to Edge City : Recruiting The Team

Edge City's newest superheroes, getting together a wildly optimistic plan to deal with the conurbation's many problems.

 

Flux: Techneurge/Cybermage

Hardlight: Industrialist, Philanthropist, Secret superhero.

Hero Shrew: Anthropomorphic Anger Ball "Shake vigorously, point towards enemy"

Fireflash: Flying Energy Projector, who made an unfortunate first public appearance when she escaped from the illegal medical experiments that created her powers. "One of the reporters decided they needed to work 'flash' into her name somehow."

 

Hero Shrew OoC: I'm detecting a theme here - Flux, Hardlight, Fireflash.... And then there's Hero Shrew.

 

GM: One of my previous characters would have conference calls during superhero fights. 'So Gerry, what I think we need to do in the third quarter is - just a minute - I TOLD YOU TO STAY DOWN - anyway, the third quarter.'

 

Hardlight's player: You guys are going to hate me but it will be fun later - I took 'Weirdness Magnet'.

Flux's player: I can see it now. 'And who do we blame for all this? This guy.'

 

GM: Hardlight is barely harder to hit than the hex he's standing in. He mostly relies on hitting things at range - but he's crap at that too.

 

Hardlight attempts to recruit a team.

 

GM: So how do you know each other?

Hardlight OoC: I hired them?

Fireflash OoC: At my age?

Hero Shrew OoC: Intern then.

Fireflash OoC: Probably not - I had a bad experience with my last internship.

GM: That's how she got her powers.

 

Hero Shrew OoC: You needed a team for a particular job? 'Now who do I know in Edge City? There's that one who was on the news the other day - the one with the perky nipples'

Flux's player: 'I like her.' 'She's under age.' 'Er, I don't LIKE like her, I like her spunk..... Bad choice of words.' That would be an interesting Disad.

GM: Uncontrollable Double Entendre.

 

Sounds like the notorious Smut Field. How would you stat THAT out in Hero?

 

On top of all the corporate and supergang shenanigans, there's Edge City's large population of engineered animals, many of whom have there own superhuman abilities. Never has the term 'rats with capes' been more appropriate.

 

GM: Hero Shrew works as a bouncer at a titty bar in the Zoo.

Hero Shrew: And I always need money because of all the criminal damage cases.

GM: All kind of girls at the bar - squirrel girls, gazelle girls

Hero Shrew: Cat girls.

GM: The Zoo is paradise for furries.

Flux's player: Am I playing Black Crusade again by mistake?

Hero Shrew: For the really adventurous there's hyena girls.

 

GM: There's a photo and note next to the door. "This bouncer can clean lift 25 tonnes" And the photo is Hero Shrew smiling.

Fireflash's player: Which with shrews is SCARY.

 

GM: Hardlight's civilian ID is Gareth Lowell, a philanthropist millionaire who actually hires Moreaus. And you've never heard of him.

Hero Shrew: *shrug* Outside my usual social circles.

Hardlight OoC: You wondered why I was being followed by paparazzi.

Flux OoC: Who photographed you going into a titty bar.

GM: A FURRY titty bar. Currently trending #LowellTitFur.

 

Hero Shrew gets one of the girls to read the card Gareth Lowell / Hardlight left for him. It takes a few attempts for the number $30,000 to sink in.

 

Hero Shrew: Hey! I can get the door fixed!

Bunni: You broke the door again? I keep telling you, you should get a curtain.

Flux: I keep expecting him to go home to food pellets and an exercise wheel.

 

Hardlight's attempts to recruit Flux don't go quite so smoothly, especially after Flux sees what is trending on Twitter.

 

GM: Flux, you think you're being propositioned for a swinger's party.

Flux: I get spam that's more competent than this.

Hardlight: It's my first time out.

GM, Fireflash: *cackling*

Flux: Let's start again - You're a superhero and you want extra muscle for a job? Or is this 'Can I get your number, baby?'

 

GM: I'm going to make it easy for you - come up with a team name, make a Facebook group, and Invite Fireflash to join it.

Fireflash: I'm an underage teenage girl and I'm being asked to join a group by someone named HARDlight?

GM: I don't even need to steer this into the gutter.

Fireflash: Blocked.

 

Fireflash: Am I the first one you've tried to recruit?

Hardlight: No, you're the third.

Fireflash: And the first two turned you down?

Hardlight: No, actually.

Fireflash: Well, you must be doing something right.

Hardlight: Actually, I haven't heard back from the first guy yet...

Hero Shrew OoC: 'But he didn't throw me out of the titty bar'.

 

Bunni: I'll help you get there, Scooter.

Hero Shrew: Thanks, Bunni, I dunno what I'd do without ya.

Bunni: Break everything?

Hero Shrew: Yeah, probably.

 

Fireflash: *on phone* Hey Nicki, I won't be able to make the game tonight. Sorry. Can you play my cleric for me?

 

Fireflash's costume is on the skimpy side - her enhanced metabolism runs at a dangerously high temperature.

 

Flux: She doesn't even have a boob window.

Hardlight: She doesn't need them - she's wearing a bikini.

 

Hero Shrew's Hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold friend makes sure he gets to the meeting on time.

 

GM: There's a bunny girl waiting at the meeting place. Long ears, fluffy tail, the whole deal.

Flux: Good feelings.

GM: And then there's the ball of fur, muscle, and teeth next to her.

Flux: Good feelings all gone.

 

Bunni: Now, Scooter, remember, this is LowellTech. Don't forget to give them the card.

Hero Shrew: Oh yeah. *starts patting pockets* Uh...

Bunni: *sigh* I've got it, remember? *pulls card from cleavage*

Hero Shrew: Oh, right, I remember now.

Bunni: And remember what I said about getting home. Stick to the main roads. If you go into any alleyways you'll have to hurt someone again.

Hero Shrew: Yeah, that happens a lot, dunnit? See ya tomorrow Bunni.

Bunni: *kisses the shrew's cheek*

 

Hardlight realises he's arranged for everybody to arrive at the same time.

 

Hardlight: I have made a boo-boo. Quick everybody, get inside.

Fireflash: Hey! Watch it with the hands!

Flux: This guy is a social media disaster. 'Edge City Philanthropist Seen With Teenager, Manimal, and ... Cameraman?'

 

Hardlight is also unaware that Flux and Fireflash have already figured out his secret identity. This bodes ill for future supervillain revenge schemes. Ill for Hardlight - it bodes great for any villain with half a brain.

 

Fireflash: Who are you?

Flux: Flux. Don't you read the Facebook group?

Fireflash: No - I blocked him after I though he was a creep.

Flux: Nah, he was like that with me too. Well, he MIGHT be a grabber, he's rich.

 

Hardlight changes back into his civilian garb and heads out front to meet Hero Shrew.

 

Hardlight/Gareth Lowell: Mr Shrew, good to see you, mate! Er... Mate?

GM: Aaaaaand three for three. Apparently he wants to breed with you.

Moreau Employee: He means 'Friend'

 

Hardlight creates a few hologram sofas for his team to sit on.

 

Hardlight: So let's get into it.

Fireflash: Into what? Because I don't want any orgies.

Hardlight: Superheroics! Not orgies! Truth, Justice, and the American goddamned Way!

Hero Shrew: Will this count as community service?

 

Hardlight: I'm prepared to pay you all a salary.

Fireflash: I can't do weekdays - I'm not willing to give up school.

Flux: It'll be like a weekend knitting club.

 

Fireflash: So what do you do?

Hero Shrew: Er... bounce stuff? Demolish buildings?

Fireflash: So you're big and strong? Well, small and strong.

Hero Shrew: Yeah.

Fireflash: And you?

Flux: Florist.

 

Fireflash: What about you? That suit do anything?

Hardlight: You're sitting on what I can do.... Oh god.

Flux: *slow clap*

GM: New Rule - Hardlight is never allowed to talk to the press.

Flux: Also, Hero Shrew is not flammable but smells bad when wet.

 

Hardlight does not, in fact, have a job in mind right now.

 

Hardlight: ... I just wanted to set up the knitting club.

Flux: I WILL re-edit your Facebook page.

GM: Not difficult.

Flux: The threat is real.

Fireflash: If you are up to something that makes my friends think I'm in a knitting club I will re-edit your face.

 

But Flux IS aware of something suspicious. Somebody has been testing security alarms and response times over in the light industrial suburb of Ditko. Flux weaves a spell that makes us invisible to cameras, so we can stake the suburb out.

 

Flux: Don't try to take any selfies.

 

Flux is right - the heist is being planned by the Six Teens, one of Edge City's more notorious supervillain groups. Titania, Lash, Iron Claw, Black Warlock, Viper Girl and Ghost Shadow.

 

GM: But you can only see 5 of them. 'I can't see the ninja - oh crap'.

 

Lash is carrying the Iron Claw in one of her energy tendrils, and walking on another four.

 

Hardlight: Is he injured?

GM: No - it's just faster this way.

 

They walk up to a storage warehouse and Iron Claw starts tearing off a wall.

 

Fireflash: These are the guys we're here to stop, right?

Flux: No, they're Girl Scouts delivering cookies.

 

Hero Shrew starts looking around for things to use as blunt instruments.

 

GM: There's plenty of options - it's an industrial estate.

Hero Shrew: Dumpsters, forklifts...

 

Hardlight: Stop, in the name of Justice!

Lash: *has already turned to catch the dumpster Hero Shrew has already thrown*

Hardlight: .... Huh.

Fireflash: Seriously? Hardlight, do you have any idea of the concept of a surprise attack?

GM: There's a reason you can only see five of them

Hero Shrew: Crap. The Ninja is doing Overwatch for them.

Flux: Ninja? What Ninja? I can't see any ninjas.

Hero Shrew OoC: Worse, there's only one Ninja - we're screwed.

GM: True - Ninjitsu has been conserved.

Lash: Seriously? A Dumpster?

Titania: Wow. Well then. This is a thing.

 

Any bookie would give our team poor odds in the fight - the Six Teens badly outclass us. But we get very lucky - Fireflash blasts them with a dazzling attack, which actually gets them all, and we discover Lash has 360 vision and no flash defence.

 

Flux: We have discovered a weakness > :)

Lash: See? This is why I keep saying we need goggles.

 

Ghost Shadow: Ah, two can play at that game. *blinds Fireflash with Shadow Powder*

Fireflash: Argh, Jesus, that burns! Asshole!

 

Their leader, Titania, runs through a wall to set up some later move out of our sight.

 

Hardlight: Hammer of JUSTICE!!!!!

Hero Shrew OoC: You don't have to announce your attacks, you know.

Hardlight: Yes I do.

GM: He took the Disad

 

Hardlight manages to hit himself with his own hologrammic Hammer of Justice. And Hero Shrew's gets the dumpster back in the face.

 

GM: *sings* Return, to Sender.

 

Hardlight: ARMOUR-PIERCING BITCH SLAP!

Flux: ....

Hardlight: Yes, I call it that.

Flux: Suddenly I wish the concealment spell was still up.

Fireflash: We are going to have words later.

 

GM: Viper Girl is up, and she's not happy. That hurt.

Hero Shrew OoC: And somebody just yelled BITCH SLAP.

GM: And that too.

 

Iron Claw, still dazzled, finally tears his way through the solid metal slab reinforcing the inner wall of the 'storage warehouse'.

 

Iron Claw: Finally!... Am I through yet?

 

Lash lashes away, and Titania re-emerges to lay down her own hurt, orders her team to cover Iron Claw's entrance into the 'warehouse', and gets an enraged Shrew wielding a street-sign in the face.

 

Hero Shrew: CAPTAIN CAAAAAAAAVVVVEMAAAAN!!!!!!

 

Lash takes a particular interest in attacking Hardlight.

 

Lash: Sorry, What *LASH* Did *LASH* You *LASH* Call *LASH* Me?

Fireflash: And he deserves it.

 

Titania's tactical analysis is spot-on. Flux, for example, has no obvious powers, and she's cautious enough to avoid hand-to-hand with an unknown.

 

Titania: The skinny ones tend to be tricky *punches the ground so hard that the rebounding turf slaps Flux three stories into the air*

 

And then Black Warlock mind-controls Hero Shrew into attacking the rest of the knitting circle.

 

Titania: Hi there. You'd better stay down. *punches Hardlight the rest of the way into unconsciousness*

GM: And now that she's the only one visible, Fireflash knows that the Anger Ball is coming for her.

Fireflash: *runs away*

Titania: Smart girl.

 

Viper Girl: I'm bored. *fires energy beams at Flux's crotch and singes off his short-and-curlies*

GM: I think that counts as a Presence Attack.

 

Titania: *grabs Flux by a leg, and flings him a few blocks* Fetch. *Hero Shrew heads off after Flux, who barely avoids the shrews's attack*

Flux: I think the screaming and flailing helped.

 

Titania: We're here to work, not play.

Black Warlock: She's got a point, sweetie. I'll steal you something nice later.

 

The Six Teens teleport out with whatever they were after, and we at least learn that the 'warehouse' was full of InfoComp server stacks. InfoComp specialise in data-mining and info-brokering. This is probably bad, but at least we learned how focused and co-ordinated the Six Teens are, and suspect they were hired for the job.

 

Hero Shrew OoC: And we've learned that Hardlight's biggest power is putting his foot in his own mouth.

 

Something tells me that, before this campaign comes to an end, this particular team will become known as the group

that gave Doctor Destroyer Lom's Syndrome...

 

 

Major Tom 2009 :eg:

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