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Darren Watts

Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

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Something tells me that, before this campaign comes to an end, this particular team will become known as the group

that gave Doctor Destroyer Lom's Syndrome...

 

 

Major Tom 2009 :eg:

Okay, throw me a bone here? Because the only reference I could find was for LOM syndrome and I'm having trouble picturing Doctor Destroyer as a songwriter.

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Okay, throw me a bone here? Because the only reference I could find was for LOM syndrome and I'm having trouble picturing Doctor Destroyer as a songwriter.

 

It's a reference to Herbert Lom, the actor that played the part of Inspector Charles Dreyfus in the Pink Panther films,

starting with the second film in the series (A Shot in the Dark), who had the misfortune of being Clouseau's boss.

Basically, any time he heard Clouseau's name or had to deal with him in any way (after his first appearances in the

films), he would get this nervous twitch in the corner of his eye. IIRC, he eventually wound up trying to have Clouseau

killed from time to time.

 

In retrospect, I should've called it Dreyfus' Syndrome, but I didn't know the character's name at first; I did some 'Net

research after I'd made the initial post.

 

 

Major Tom 2009 :doi:

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Our cast:

Nymeria - Human huntress

Lexi - Human preistess

Braddoc - Halfling thief [bronwyn's brother]

Bronwyn - Halfling illusionist

Grim - Orcish monk

Danuwell - Elvish sage

Gar - Dwarvish preist

Griff - Human (angelic) fighter

 

We're still wandering lost in the underdark at the edges of what used to be the Spider Elf's domain (they've been displaced by something even nastier).  Lack of food is becoming an issue.

 

*****

 

[as we contemplate supplementing our diet with rat and mushrooms]

Gar [reminiscing about his childhood]: We used to eat such wonderful rock stew.  It brings a tear to my eye.

 

Brad: And a chip to your tooth.

 

*****

 

Lexi: This will be the best tasting rat toasted over feces you've ever eaten.

 

*****

 

GM [as the Spider Goddess]: Are you incredibly stupid, horribly ignorant or just desperate?

 

Brad: BINGO!

 

*****

 

Lexi: If my baby comes out with spider legs, you're going to have to knock me out.

 

Gar: Oh, don't tell me you're not looking forward to hearing the pitter-patter, pitter-patter, pitter-patter, pitter-patter of tiny feet.

 

*****

 

Dan: Eeeyyyyaaarrrgggghhhhh... I can see... aaarrrrgggghhhhh!!!!!

 

*****

 

Brad: I can't believe you woke me up for this.  I was dreaming that I was shanking filkers.  It was wonderful.

[Dan's player, SCUBAHero here, happens to be a filker.  We like to give him a hard time.]

 

*****

 

Brad: If my arm turns black and falls off from this, I'm going to beat you to death with it.

 

Dan: That'd be a new level of tough.

 

*****

 

[after a discussion of Lexi's "offspring's" (some form of Outsider) desire to eat everything she comes across]:

Brad Important safety tip.  Never tell her to "eat me."

 

*****

 

Griff: You can't mate with things you've killed.

 

Brad: Well, it's certainly frowned on.

 

*****

 

Nym: And by "right as rain", he means, "falling down all the time."

 

*****

 

Gar: We forgot to come up with a plan for if we... if we... if we...

 

Brad: Actually succeeded?

 

Dan: Its never been an issue before.

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So, had some internet issues and some disruption of the normal flow. And I did not write the stuff down as well as I could have. But here are some Quotes from our SR5, 2050 Campaign.

 

The characters are part of the 2050 go-gang 405 Hellhounds in Seatle.

Medicine Man: Me. Ameridian Doctor and Face; not yet acustomed to the streetlife

Freddy 0 aka "Dr. Feelgood": Dwarf Mage and drugdealer, with rules to never sell to children/pregnant women

Club: Troll Adept with electro-wrapped feet that realy dislikes Spirits. Mostly by kicking them.

2 others whose names and Charcters I do not have, because they were not there the last times.

 

Previously the Characters have been on the giving end of a shootout. Some guys dressed like ancients hired a smalltime gang to cause some mayham. The smalltime gang just picked the totally wrong corner to do it and ended up dead with us investigating it.

 

During a foodstop (we had 2 trolls in the group) at the local stuffer shack the GM suddenly starts describing the scene in "that sounds like out of a prewritten adventure" level of detail.

On a unrelated note, Foodfight is the name of the Quick Introduction Rules/Adventure (pdf link 5E version; 4E version writedown) used to teach shadowrun rules. It was part of just about any Shadowrun edition.

Well, scratch the unrelated part. We played a modified 4E or pre 4E version, as 2050 does not have Wireless hacking (4E and 5E version asume it).

 

I designed my character mostly in a programm (Chummer for 5th Edition), but made some mistake transcribing it to paper form. Wich bites me when everyone has to make a perception test.

Medicine Man (OOC): You know I have the skill "Perception" written on my sheet. But I forgot to write the value next to it. So I will jsut roll with basestate without penalty.

The roll fails. So my character is the only one surpised. As he was looking through the magazine/book rack I declare:

"He just found this interesting article about '1000 ways to make explosive out of Stuffer Shack materials' that he is reading."

 

Then the usual stuff happens:

A car ceases to function just in front of the shack. A women with a child in the arm comes in and runs to the backside, seemingly on the run.

A Van stops. A 6 man runnerteam come out.

The enterance explodes as one of the 6 throws a grenade to make an enterance and cow anyone inside, followed by the 4 of the 6 comming in weapons drawn shouting "nobody move!".

 

As they go to secure the isles, the find our Ranged Adept having his rilfe at the ready. Combat ensues. What should have been an easy fight for them and us turns uggly quickly, as the Van has a hidden turret and they got a mage that summons a spirit. And we all fail our initial attack rolls badly/the NPC roll godly.

 

The GM has been trying to introduce Freddy 0's player to the concept of summoning spirits when this happens:

GM: A spirit materialises in front of Club.

Club (OOC): I kick it.

Despite the Energy Aura (think Hero Damage Shield) Club manages to defeat the spirit in one attack. It pays to play the magic angle against a Spirit.

Freddy 0(OOC): Somehow I was expecting more of those spirits.

 

But a mostly curbstomping battle later all but one are dead (we kept him for questioning; it looks like we are learning from the last fight), we destroy the recording and find out that the women is okay. We bid her farewell and make of with the enemy Van, 1 Captured and 2 corpses (to plunder for cyberware).

 

As we approach our Headquarters (a defunct gas station) we realise that it is burning and definitely not the grilling accident kind.

Apparently 1 car stopped, 2 people came out, emptied a single use Missilelauncher and a LMG belt into it and drove off again. We take care of all that are still alive (not that many).

After informing the fire department and thus also the Police, we decide to take shelter in a nearby warehouse and start interrogating the Prisioner of our Foodfight.

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Our interrogation of the would-be assasin from the foodfight reveals that the women he was trying to shoot was apparently part of the Mafia. Part of a bigger assasination against her family. This was apparently thier first run (wich explains why they took such a gig) and they were well paid for it in advance - as is evidenced by the contents of the Van, wich they bought from the money:

Drones, Weapons, lots of ammo inlcuding Amor Piercing and Explosive Rounds and such heavy playthings like a Panther assault cannon (basically a small tank gun that can be carried).

It dawns on us that if they had come in with half that gear from the get go, the food fight would have turned against us. Hard. As luck turns out, the Van is now ours.

 

Freddy 0 has a contact with the mafia. So he calls him proposing a deal: The would be assasins for interrogation, and in turn they rebuild our headquarters.

Me: "We can rebuild it. We have the connections."

 

Next day we are contacted by an Orphan, wich leads us to a barrens Orphanage run by a priest. The priest in turn is operating on request of a Knige Errant Detective - Koren Tark, Metahuman division - that has a big problem he needs shadowy help against. A problem called: Elven Fire.

And since we were in teh shadows and presumeably the ones that just got hit by Elven Fire, he decided to turn to us.

We manage to solve it, prevent a war between Ancient on one side, Yakuza and every other gang on the other wich in turn would have lead to martial law beign declared (wich would have been bad for us and everyone).

And find out that a higher up of the Ancients in an exiled Tir Tangire prince. And find out a Tir Tangire spy that apparently initiated the whole Kerfluffle for personal reasons agaisnt said prince.

Unfortunately the Spy get's away, because the ambush just before learning his position (and that 2 are missing) left Freddy 0 to confront him alone. At least our paycheck Koren Tark survived, we got paid, a bunch of Contacts, Elvenfire was stopped dead and we can get back to our life in the barrens. Some noteworthy exchanges:

 

Working with a KE dective has it's own problems for a go gang:

Freddy 0: You know that if it would turn public that we worked with a Cop, we would be done as a Gang.

Koren Tark: If it became public I hired a go-gang to solve this issue, so would be my job.

Medicine Man: Looks like we have Mututally Assured Secrecy.

 

Koren Tark: At least we got rid of the rat in our midst.

Medicine Man: Be carefull. Rats are pack animals.

 

We play again today and I finally have my Internet back. So I will try to write down more quotes.

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Another week, another set of stories and quotes. This time with all 5 players there. The actors are:

 

Medicine Man: Me. Ameridian Doctor and Face; not yet acustomed to the streetlife

Freddy 0 aka "Dr. Feelgood": Dwarf Mage and drugdealer, with rules to never sell to children/pregnant women

Club: Troll Adept with electro-wrapped feet that realy dislikes Spirits. Mostly by kicking them.

Roy: *

Raven:  *

*I still have some issues keeping those two appart due to the similar name. I know that one is a troll and the other a ranged adept. I will jsut refer to either as "R" right now.

 

The Adventure is a blast from the past - of Shadowrun 1st Edition.

 

One of the other GoGangs in the City are the "Leather Devils". Thier shtick is being "gay men". Naturally anytime anything Clishe Gay comes up, they are mentioned.

On a related note, the Johnson wants to meet in the "Pink Bull". Despite the name it is a straight barrens strip club, without any specialisation for troll strippers (to the dismay of our 2 trolls).

 

Our Johnson turns out to be a music producer with a Band gone rogue. The Elementals* have just recently surfaced to the wide public, when they publish a demo track/single for free.

However his company has been working with them until recently. They took issue with some of the Contract details, broke contact and brought out thier single/demo. And they won't accept any calls from thier producer. He would pay for any Band Member plus once for the complete album. Did I mention that had to happen in the next 6 hours? And of course the band members alive and (mostly) well, aside from the abduction part.

 

*They can be found on using google. However I did not look into it too deep for fear of Spoiling myself.

 

The Band Members are:

A human female singer called Whispering Wind.

A elf guitarist called Wild Fire.

A troll drummer called Bambi. Yes, like that Disney Movie Character.

A amerindian human Key Guitarist called Coyote.

 

We get some Narcojet Pistols to take them down safe-ish. We get a spot where they will be (thier recording studio), but it is highly advised not to try to abduct them there.

 

Once out a discussion breaks out if we should actually do this. After all we would abduct a indie band to throw them into the maw/arms of a corporation. In the end we vote 3:2 for doing it for the money.

 

 

Turns out the Johnsons tip was right, the studio is in the one place in the barrens where we can't not just go in and out without getting cops on our tails - Touristville.

Opposite of a 200 Store Mall, none the less. And with a security system very likely tied to the one of said mall.

We resolve to follow them home, asuming that those palces will be less secure. That turns out to be a somewhat bad idea:

 

First, when leaving the building they all do so on seperate motorcycles. What a luck we are a GoGang and thus fully equipped with Bikes, right? At least we manage to follow them home. The GM handles the stealth/driving probes in paralell, just so the following part has more impact:

Whispering Wind Lives in Belevue, the rich part of the Metroplex. Where every Window is part of the Alarm System and police response times are measured in minutes (instead of hours like in the barrens).

 

The other two life in parts of the barrens, but definitely not "walk in the park" kind of extractions:

Wild Fire owns/lives in "Wild Fires arcarde". A place for 2050 games that also happens to be neutral territory for the local gangs. And well frequented.

 

Bambi seems to live in "The Troll Emporium".

We: "What is a Emporium?"

GM: Basically the same thing as Ned Flanders Lefthandrium, just for trolls.

The building is also made of solid brick except for the enterance. And based on a Perception tests they keep Wolfs as guard animals. The GM is insistent on the plural part.

 

Coyote lives in a defunct hotel/park. Where due to toxic waste issues plants thrive, but animals die. So in years past the owner put a bunch of animatronic animals onto the grounds. Then barrenisation happened.

R: A amerindian, named like a Mentor Spirit, on a Plant preserve/toxic waste site. I think we are going to meet some toxic spirits. Or Spirits in general.

I could not help but channel Mayor John Sheppard at this point:

 

All: Oh Shit.

Needless to say that at this point we all regreted terribly not to have take our shoot at getting them back at the recording studio when they were all together.

 

The one that followed Whisper Wind decides to try the old "Fake Pizza Dilivery and sneak attack with Narcojet pistol" trick.

Objections to wait for the Face that also happens to be the best Pistol Shooter and on his way are ignored. Surprisingly it works and we got her before any police response reached us.

To be continued

 

 

In no particular order:

MM: "If all the money is in digital form and the closest thing to cash is a Certified Credstick, how do you give a Stripper a tip?"

 

The GM talks a bit about what would have happened if we had failed our Stealthy pursiut:

GM: Whisper Wind is the Daughter of a Mercenry, so far from a slouch in a fight. Also she would have called a few friends of her late daddy home. The equipment would not have been that bad. Except forthe LMG's. And it would have only been 4 of them.

 

GM: If Bambi had detect you, he would have driven into a dead end and just turned on the LMG hidden in his bike

A: A hidden LMG on a bike?
GM: This was the first edition. Bikes had two hardpoints for heavy weapons

A: Okay, you really do not mess with people in the first edition

GM: Oh wait I misread. Not a LMG. A Panther Assault Cannon (a miniature tank gun).

A: A Troll with a Panther is so cliché

 

As the 405 Hellhounds we got a pair of Hellhounds as mascots. Those even survived the assault on our headquarters and are still with us. Time to "go out with the dog".

Freddy 0: I go out with the Hounds

Club: I come along

GM: A dwarf and a troll walking two dogs together. So where is the baby?

MM: Of course the dogs are the 'babies'

Freddy 0: I just wonder if the lantern posts can survive Hellhound piss?

MM: Other gangs spray gangtags. We just have burned down latern posts and hellhound breath burn marks everywhere.

 

Some odd linguistic conincidence happened Club, our troll.

I am originall from Berlin but now live at the new (for the time being?) Capitol of Bonn.

The actuall name of Club is "Keule", the german word for club. But it is also used a slangterm in Berlin and I instantly indentified it.

Club/Keule (OOC): What does it mean in Berlin Slang?

MM: Little Brother...

 

We discuss visiting the Orphanage where Koren Tark hired us originally to be a "good role model" for the kids.

GM: I think you and the priest have different definitions of "good role model"

MM: Remins me of what the 2050 book says about the Puyallup district of seatle:
"For reasons all of us have trouble understanding, Puyallup seems to be doing its damnedest to become Redmond.

As is the case with the neighborhood kid who worships the hot-tempered go-ganger whose face is a mass of scars and stitches, you constantly wonder why they couldn’t have picked someone else as a role model."

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The team continue to investigate the break-in at the InfoComp datafarm, and hopefully hunt down the Six Teens and get a bit of retribution in. The party includes Hardlight, the Anthropomorphic Personification of Foot In Mouth Disease; and Hero Shrew, an unholy mix of a Womble and the Hulk.

An idea of some of the gangs in Edge City - the motorcycle gang that expects initiates to rob top-floor stores in the malls, without getting off their bikes.

GM: Picture a bunch of mad motorcycle nuts who saw The Blues Brothers and said "Pussies".

Hero Shrew's boss at the Collar Club, the strip joint he bounces for - Colin The Collie. Colin struggles to keep the business legal and above-board.

Hero Shrew OoC: "I'm 18 in dog years!"

But the existence of Moreaus does raise many legal questions.

Hero Shrew OoC: Legal questions like 'Is it statutory rape if you're a ferret?'
Hardlight: Oh, come on!
Hero Shrew OoC: No, seriously - if ferret jills don't mate on their first heat, they die of anemia and internal bleeding.
Hardlight: Jesus.
GM: Yeah, lots of unique problems like that - hence questions like 'Is it statutory rape if you're a ferret?'

Hero Shrew: I don't get it - why they'd all wail on Hardlight when he yelled 'Armour Piercing Bitch Slap'? Plenty of bitches in my apartment block. And then there my landlady - she's a cow.
Flux: ... The Moreau world is weird.

The cops arrive, two of them in the Edge City PD power armour.

GM: Most of the gangers call them Spambots.
Flux: ?
GM: Tinned ham.

Flux and Hardlight leave in a hurry, embarrassed by our pathetic first efforts and anxious to avoid the press. Since we made no contingency plans in case this happened, Fireflash goes to talk to the cops.

Hero Shrew: Well, I've been told repeatedly that running away attracts police attention. So I'm wandering over for a look.
Flux: * facepalm*
Hardlight: I KNEW I should have made some communicators.
GM: I hate running the Avengers origin plot - so I'm going to enjoy punishing you for every way you fuck up.

GM: The cops generally shoot first if you're Walking Whilst Moreau.
Hero Shrew OoC: 'Driving Whilst Furry'

GM: Fortunately they don't recognise you as the Anthropomorphic Wrecking Ball.

Hero Shrew: If I'd run they definitely would have shot me.
GM: Which would have just pissed you off.
Hero Shrew: Yeah. It's what happens AFTER that gets all the complaints. And having to call in cherry-pickers to get cops down off the towers.

Fireflash: I was here with that new guy. Headlight, or something?
Cop: Headlight? Really? Headline, maybe?
Fireflash: Hardlight, that's it. (I still haven't unblocked him on Facebook, by the way)

The cops are sceptical that it was the Six Teens - up until tonight they only targeted places like The Gap, or Starbucks if they wanted coffee.

Cop: And what happened next?
Hero Shrew: Headlight called one of them a bitch and she punched him unconscious.
Cop: Which one?
Hero Shrew: * gesturing* You know, the one with the knockers.
GM: She's only a B-cup at best.
Hero Shrew OoC: Big for a shrew.

Cop: Where can I find you if I have more questions?
Hero Shrew: Well, if it's night shift I'll be on the door at the Collar Club.
Cop: ... I'll be sending a rookie then.
Hero Shrew: Huh? We get cops coming in all the time!
GM: .... You are so lucky the news crew didn't have their cameras set up yet.

GM: One of the mysteries about the Moreaus is the question of what Genesys was up to? What were all the Moreaus FOR?
Hero Shrew: Live-action Zootopia?

Still, at least the cops now know the Six Teens are vulnerable to Flashbangs. Back to the 'base'. The empty building next to LowellTech.

Fireflash: Hey, Headlight!
Hardlight: Huh?
Fireflash: Come here.
Hardlight: * approaches nervously*
Fireflash: * grabs Hardlight by throat and blasts him in the face*
Hardlight: * screams*
Fireflash: If you EVER call yell bitchslap again, next time it won't be a flash blast!

Fireflash is not impressed about how our first outing went.

Flux: Well, there were a lot of distractions.
Fireflash: You better not be talking about my butt.
Hero Shrew: * chewing on a mealworm bar, and turning to study the butt in question*
GM: You DO work in a strip club.
Hero Shrew: * shrug* The butt is at eye level - it's not easy to miss.
Flux: He's judging in a purely professional manner.

Flux wants Hero Shrew to dig a tunnel into the InfoCom server farm, so he can poke around.

Flux: But we might break the coolant pipes.
GM: You can be careful.
Flux: * gestures incredulously at Hero Shrew*
GM: And I managed to keep a straight face when I said it.

Fireflash: Are we going to do this again? And do we have a REASON to do this again?
Hero Shrew: * puts a paw up* I haven't been paid yet.
Fireflash: That's a good reason.
Hardlight: * sigh* And here was me thinking we'd come together in a spirit of camaraderie.
Flux: My spirit of camaraderie vanished about the time I was thrown into a building, pursued by a angry ball of muscle and teeth.
Hero Shrew: Huh? I don't remember that.
Hardlight: Fine, here you go - 5 grand each.
Fireflash: Thanks Mr Lowell.
Hardlight: What??? How did yo-
Fireflash: Oh come on, this base is right next door to LowellTech. And you went next door to meet someone. And you CHANGED COSTUME.
Flux: And you need to improve your data security.


Hardlight: I have a job for you.
Hero Shrew: Should I tell my parole officer?
Fireflash: YES.
Flux: You've got a legitimate full-time job with a rich, well-known -
Hero Shrew OoC: Pervert.
Flux: ... Yessss. I can't fix that yet.


Hardlight tries to juggle a press conference with himself in the suit and a holographic projection of himself not wearing the suit pretending to be the real thing.

Fireflash: Can I go home now? My mom will be wondering where I am.
GM: And your Pathfinder game will be wound up by now.

GM: Do any of you check the social media after you get home?
Hero Shrew: Don't look at me, he's the net-savvy one.
Flux: Some of us might have social lives.... But yes, it's me.

The HeroWatch forums are happily dissecting our first outing - interestingly, the fact that the 'warehouse' was an InfoCom data centre is still being kept out of the news.

Hero Shrew's tunnel would be pretty conspicuous.

GM: Looks like the Mole People are invading again.
Cop: I thought they only invaded LA.
Flux OoC: * calling up through the concrete floor* Is this Albuquerque?

Instead Flux tries to find one of InfoCom fibre optic repeater stations, and use Cyberpathy to infiltrate the server farm's datasphere. Small problem - he didn't bring a torch.

GM: The small shit is such a problem for superheroes >:)

Flux discovers that the stolen file is decades of data on known and suspected Moreau movements. Who could possibly be so interested in this decades-old info as to hire the Six Teens to steal it?

Fireflash gets an unexpected visitor the next morning - Michael Sanders, of Sanders, Sanders and Sanders, a trio of identical bar-certified CPAs and corporate lawyers. Fireflash's mom looks VERY concerned. Predictably, he's here to represent InfoCom, who want every detail possible on the break-in.

Sanders has some odd pauses in his dialogue.

Hero Shrew OoC: Let me guess - Triplet Telepathy?
GM: .... Worse - legally three people, actually one.
Fireflash OoC: It's the Partnership Collective :D
Flux OoC: my god, it's full of lawyers!

Flux tries to avoid blabbing about his discoveries over the Facebook page.

Flux: We will meet at the place to talk about the thing.

Over voice chat.

Hardlight: Morning, Scooter. We need to meet up, where we met before.
Hero Shrew: uuuuhhh.
Flux: Where we were before you went home.
Hero Shrew: Oh right, that empty building next to LowellTech.
Hardlight: * beats head against desk, then erases Hero Shrews' phone, remotely* It's just as well I own this phone network.

Fireflash: What are we calling ourselves?
Hero Shrew OoC: League of Regrettable Superheroes?
Fireflash: I was thinking Bright Sparks.
Flux: I was thinking Ramshackle.
Hero Shrew: Nah, that's the Gimp in the Collar Club basement.
Flux: ... Scooter, you an endless font of fascinating information.

One bit of fascinating information - by staging their heist in the suburb of Ditko, the Six Teens will have pissed of the Dysprosium Dawn gang.

GM: So somebody must have got a cut. Or if not, someone is going to GET cut.

Dysprosium Dawn use two-handed wrenches as weapons.

Hero Shrew: Cute - I look forward to one of them trying to use one on me.

Hero Shrew: So, want we should should split up and find one?
Fireflash: Yes, let's split up. We can do more damage that way.

Hero Shrew finds one first.

Hero Shrew: Hey, asshole! I wanna word with you!
DD Ganger: Wonderful! A Moreau! Quick, put this colander on your head.
Hero Shrew: Uh, what? * chain of thought completely derailed*
DD Ganger: * uses the Mad Science colander to drain the shrew's EGO*
Hero Shrew: Duuhhhhhh.

Hero Shrew thus learns that Dysprosium Dawn is a gang of mad scientists, where gang standing relies on what you invented this week. The others arrive to find him looking confused, and still wearing the colander.

DD Ganger: Are you still here?
Hardlight: Goddammit. * grabs the ganger by the throat, and slams him against the wall* Fireflash, talk to him.

Dysprosium Dawn were supposed to be providing security for the data store, and are a bit pissed off with the Six Teens, not least because they didn't get paid to look the other way. But they're also too busy with their inventions to hunt them down and get their slice. And their own literal bouncer just showed up to urge us to move on.

Hero Shrew: Hey! I'm a bouncer too!
Fireflash: Then bounce him.
Hero Shrew: OK. * grabs at the bouncing cyborg, misses*
Hardlight: * sigh* OK, what do you want in return for the help?
DD Ganger: FINALLY. You see, Juice, this is why we like having you around, people negotiate when you show u-
Hero Shrew: * still trying to grab Juice*

DD Ganger: I know where they'll be doing to the hand-off. I'll tell you - if I get to copy their data. Heyyyy, I get it now - these guys, the Moreaus. You, how much can you lift?
Hero Shrew: Er, 25 tons?
DD Ganger: Yeah, 'xactly. How'd Genesys manage to keep you locked up for x number of years? And think about all the other Moreaus. And they all got out at once? Inside job, obviously. But how'd they get away with it? Anyway, the Six Teens - they keep going to a top floor flop in the Zoo. Little bird told me. But if they have the data, I want a copy. Deal?

We agree - not that we have much choice. The Six Teens are already in the Zoo, in the Agora, actually buying lunch instead of stealing it, and a very short walk from the flop. Hardlight is tempted to call the cops - but the inevitable arrival of power-armoured cops into a crowded marketplace is a disaster waiting to happen.

Hero Shrew: Can I find a spot underneath where they're eating?
GM: You go way now! You no allowed in china shop!
Hero Shrew: * shrug* I was going to punch up through the ceiling, grab Black Warlock's legs, and rip them off.

Flux also notes a strange info stream running between Hardlight's holographic armour and Iron Claw's superhuman limb. This is probably foreshadowing of some dark secret in Hardlight's ancestry, given the Iron Claw identify has been around since the 30s. It also streams off to somewhere in the North Marina.

Also odd - a high proportion of the Zoo's canine Moreaus keep walking past the Six Teens. Something Is Up. Hero Shrew tries to follow them, to see if they're heading to the same flop. He's soon noticed.

Doberman: You're the bouncer at the Collar Club, aren't you? Hey, Champ still works at the club, don't she?
Hero Shrew: Yeah? Sweeeet girl.
Doberman: Yeah, she is, isn't she. Could you do me a favour? I've been hearing this rumour.
Hero Shrew: Yeah, they're real.
Doberman: Well, I know THAT. Who'd put implants in a Moreau? ... Well, this is California.

The Doberman convinces Scooter that some human has been stalking the fluffy-tailed girls that work at the Collar Club, and Scooter is gullible enough that he's halfway back to the club before Hardlight can catch up with him.

Hardlight: What's up?
Hero Shrew: Some Goddamn monkey furvert is stalking the girls at the club!
Hardlight: Wait, what? What's that got to do with the Six Teens?
Hero Shrew: ......... GODDAMMIT.

And by the time we get back, the canines and the Six Teens are already heading in for their meeting....

GM: I warn you it will be a game with investigation, and only one of you has an investigator skillset. And it’s not the brilliant teen with the accountancy skills. Or the super-hacker. Or the genius inventor.
Hero Shrew OoC: It’s me – the illiterate legbreaker.

Hero Shrew’s player: Aaarrrrraaaamis….
Aramis: Whenever you say my name in that tone of voice, I wonder if I’ve done something wrong.
Hero Shrew’s player: That’s deliberate – you usually have.

GM: And this is the springbok Colin the Collie pays money to every month. He likes his kneecaps intact.
Hero Shrew: Do collies even have kneecaps?
GM: Well he’s digitigrade…
Hero Shrew: He likes his legs to bend where they already do.

GM: Moreaus are a bit distrusting of doctors, injections, and anything like that
Hero Shrew: Dogcatcher vans…
GM: Well, consider why they call their marketplace the Agora.
Hero Shrew: ?
GM: The alternative was Flea Market.

Weldun, our GM, has been stockpiling art to represent NPCs and localities.

GM: And this was the previous owner of the Collar Club.
Hero Shrew: Ah, Fat Cat!
Hardlight: And if you called him that he’d eat you.
Hero Shrew: If he could catch me.
GM: He had people for that.

That’s why the Collar Club got its name. All the ‘staff’ had collars. Formerly patrons got to hire a leash. These days patrons don’t get to molest the staff without permission. Those that try soon regret it.

GM: And that’s why Colin hired Hero Shrew. ‘Just stand there, and make sure nobody double-parks’. “Uh, wotcha want me to do with the cars that do double-park?’” “Stack them over there. Attention, the arsehole with the blue Prius – your car is now on the stack.”
Flux: I feel sorry for the people that get in early.
GM: Yup – their cars end up on the bottom of the stack.

Hardlight: How do you feel about a minivan?
Fireflash: They’re good enough –
Hardlight: Good, I-
Fireflash: - for target practise.
Hardlight: * sag*
Flux: You two can fly, I can teleport, he can jump – they’re called movement powers for a reason.
Hardlight: We need some kind of transport!
Hero Shrew: Yeah, we gotta have some kind of toy to sell.

Hardlight signals Fireflash to launch her snatch attempts on the stolen data. She gets Hero Shrew to do a Mr Kool-aid on the flop wall. He goes through it no worries, and is stopped dead by Iron Claw’s energy dome. Evidently they heard his pattering footsteps on the run up. Titania was already braced too, in case the shrew DID smash through both. And one of the canines yelps something about “Crap, it’s that Steiner” and lobs a flash grenade at us even as Fireflash flashes them back.

Hero Shrew OoC: Any tactic that’s good enough for us to use against them is good enough for them to use against us.
Fireflash: True.
Hero Shrew: And what the hell is a Steiner?
Hardlight: No idea.

Hardlight: * blinded by the grenade* Now what would Green Lantern do?
Hero Shrew OoC: Try to recreate Coast City?

Canine: * attempting to intimidate Hero Shrew with a handgun* Back down, Steiner!

This works about as well as expected, given that even ordinary shrews cannot by intimidated by anything sort of nuclear weapons. Hero Screw retaliates to the threat by throwing a few hundred pounds of concrete at the Bull Terrier. Hardlight summons up a holographic chainsaw and tries to cut open the force dome.

Hardlight: … I can’t think of anything chainsaw-related to call the attack.
Hero Shrew OoC: Chainsaw Enema?
Fireflash: ‘Groovy’?
Hardlight: Screw it, I’ll come up with a one-liner afterwards.

Hardlight’s energy construct reacts spectacularly with Iron Claw’s and the dome collapses.

Iron Claw: Sonnuva... we don’t have it, alright!

We now realise that two of the canines aren’t visible – a Jack Russell terrier and the Alsatian Hero Shrew was conned by earlier. The terrier leapt clear off the roof, and landed without harm. Fireflash goes after the Jack Russell, and gets shot in the back by the Doberman.

Doberman: Forget the Steiner, protect the package!

Also, a news blimp is filming and broadcasting our fight.

Flux: OK, they’re teleporting out, but they don’t have the data…
Hero Shrew OoC: I’ve probably forgotten why we’re even here.

Hardlight: I can’t yank Iron Claw’s claw off…
GM: Hell no.
Flux: You could always cut his arm off.
GM: On live TV, no less. Be my guest.

Flux blasts the Doberman off the roof.

Flux: Hey look! We’re on TV!
Hardlight: There goes my idea of a covert superteam…

We spot the Alsatian breaking from his hiding place, talking urgently into his watch.

Alsatian: Control! Enhanced Intercept! Terminate Rover Four! Repeat, Terminate Rover Four!

The Jack Russell gets carbonised. The Six Teens teleport away. The Doberman is still falling. Hero Shrew is looking around for something to hit.

Fireflash: Scumbag! I really don’t like you. * FUSION BLAST*
Alsatian: * DIVE FOR COVER! – off roof, and into the wall of the taller building opposite.*

Flux uses the conductive metal of the aerials and drainpipes to teleport himself down to intercept the falling Doberman. He materialises in someone’s kitchen by mistake when he confuses a drainpipe with a water pipe.

Bull Terrier: Shitshitshitshit! * shoots out a power distributer*

Sparks, flames and the pole fire cover his escape. Or would, if he didn’t have flyers, teleporters, and an enraged shrew on his tail, especially with Hardlight to enclose the fire in an energy bubble. And we recovered the data-drive – maybe – so even though the news blimp filmed us beating up Moreaus it also showed them shooting at us and destroying property, and things look pretty good for us.

Flux: I’m technically wanted for questioning, so bye-bye.
Hero Shrew: I’m wanted for questioning all the time, what’s the problem?
Fireflash: Wonderful.
GM: So yeah, you’re associating with wanted criminals.
Hardlight: How did this not come up in my background checks?
Flux: Because you’re incompetent, and I’m actually good at what I do.

Hardlight: Right, I take their communicators and weapons for evidence, and fit them with muzzles. Holographic muzzles anyway.

Their equipment is weird and very high-tech – and their low profile armour so low profile we don’t even spot it as we search their unconscious bodies. Hero Shrew DOES try to shake the Alsatian awake, to ask him about the pervert stalking the strippers.

Hero Shrew: Hey. HEY! Wake up!
Power-armoured Cop: Put him down before you break his neck!
Hero Shrew: He said some pervert was after the girls!
Power-armoured Cop: So? When aren’t they?
Fireflash: He was probably lying.
Hero Shrew: … Oh.

The canine Moreaus had already prepared four escape routes into the utility tunnels – each booby-trapped to prevent pursuit. This is all evidence that the canines were being run by somebody with high levels of resources and competency. And speaking of evidence, Flux took the data-core with him when he left. He soon determines that it’s not just Moreau tracking data, but that InfoComp investigated their client and discovered behind many shell companies, the remnants of the Genesys Corporation. InfoComp promptly ended the investigation – they don’t want to be working for wanted criminals. Genesys were after the location of their creations, their Moreaus, and especially any likely hidden communities and villages. There are probably communities in the Rockies, the Sierra Madres, and in the Pacific and scattered through Central America.

Hardlight: How did they even find them?
Hero Shrew: ‘Dashboard Cam Catches Unholy Hybrid of Alien Big Cat and Sasquatch in the Rockies’

We get news via Facebook that the canines escaped – they deployed their low-profile armour, sprouted retractable vibro-claws, and were filmed from news blimp legging it in disturbingly biological-looking armour.

Another is of a robbery of a jewellery store by a reptilian creature.

Hardlight: It’s wearing a leather jacket.
GM: Yup. It’s also made from chicken DNA. Which just made more people ask ‘What the fuck were Genesys doing????’

This happened in Las Vegas.

Flux: Well, we’re not going there.
Hero Shrew: We wouldn’t fit in.
GM: Hardlight is a millionaire philanthropist.
Hero Shrew: He’ll fit RIGHT in. He’d be getting complimentary hotel rooms.
GM: And if they ever find out what Flux can do he’d be banned for life.

Flux: So… Hardlight. How did you get your powers?
Hardlight: That’s a story for another issue.
Fireflash: I think he’s asking for a reason.

Hardlight explains his backstory, and how he used a weird crystal he chanced upon to power his father’s experimental hologram suit. After the crystal melded into his flesh and fused with his spine. Flux suspects something similar happened to Iron Claw, given the way the two’s info streams interacted with each other.

Flux: When you were near Mr Grumpy Backscratcher –
GM: You realise nobody knows who you’re talking about?
Flux: The Inspector Gadget reject. Iron Claw.
Hardlight: I always thought Iron Claw would be a Moreau.

Hero Shrew: Hey! WE can find some resonant frequency thing that will shatter Hardlight’s crystal. Then we can use it on Iron Claw.
Hardlight: I’d rather not. I’d like to keep my powers.
GM: And your spine.
Hero Shrew: He’d be fine, he’s rich. He can afford medical insurance.
GM: And a full-body prosthesis.  

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The Black Crusade game had to fold, because I'm too stressed and overworked to concentrate as a GM. So we're playing boardgames and cardgames - this week it was Smash Up, where the players each choose a themed deck - Zombies, or Dinosaurs, say - and battle it out for control of locations such as R'lyeh or The Cave of Shinies. Innsmouth Pirates was quite a powerful combo. So was Alien Wizards, and Mad Science Robots.

But last session it was Flash Point, a co-operative boardgame where the players are fire fighters striving to get a fire under control, and evacuate victims before the whole building goes up. Rather fun, and quite tense, given how rapidly a small fire could explode into an inferno. The single-story residential boards were hard enough - we took one look at the chemical factory and multi-storey apartment boards and whimpered.

Generalist Drhoz: Why are there so many women hiding under one bed?
Paramedic Tigris: And why are you wearing a clown costume?
Generalist Drhoz: Ah - that explains it. The menfolk are all enjoying their poker game and the cheap cigars that keep reigniting, and their wives all retired to the bedroom >:D

Generalist Drhoz: What kind of moron keeps large quantities of hazardous materials in their bedroom?
Fire Chief Weldun: Fucking college students.

Fire Chief Weldun: Well, now we know those points of interest are actually people, and we have to save them.
Generalist Drhoz: * shrug* They're only college students.

Generalist Drhoz: So I got somebody out then?
Fire Chief Weldun: Nah - I took them off your shoulder. I'm a prick of a Fire Chief that way - the news crews always see ME carrying people out of the burning building 

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Every magician PC and NPC compare ideas on turning the Shadowgate into a magically formidable barrier against any more undead coming through. Using Stone Shape to create a sealed door between the gate and the outside world is a good start.

Kavorog: You could build a city in a month with this spell!
Lamech: Sure. But then the Mason's Guild would have you assassinated.

Will also make plans to have the dead Dragonborn we found resurrected. It's a good political move, especially if we want to seal an alliance between Faerûn and the Dawn World on the far side of the Shadowrealm.

Kavorog: The Elemental Apocalypse can wait a week.

The party splits up, which always works. Urlon heads off to a sacred grove to check if the resurrection will actually work, and the rest of us go drop in a Helvenglade Manor to see if they have any useful adventuring gear they want to sell.

Kavorog's new acquisition, the Bullywug Kemrit, is bound to be a problem. He has a very high Charisma for a Bullywug, and high ranks in Deceive.

Lamech: And Kavorog wanted him in the party * sigh* 'I can't help who I love'!
GM: At least he isn't a bard - I spared you that.
Lamech: * sings* 'It ain't easy, being Evil'.
Kavorog: I didn't choose him just because frogs are hot!
GM: Is it the big mouth?
Kavorog: No!
Lamech: It's the long tongue.

GM: Had to take a Shiba Inu for a walk and exercise the other day. But the only toy she likes is a length of rope. So I've got a Japanese bitch who likes rope play.

GM: You know the woods are called the Cryptgardens because all all the ancient tombs among the trees.
Lamech: Crips? Are there many Bloods?

The steward at Helvenglade is polite enough, but asks us to wait unlikely Lord Gorstag returns and can approve lending out magical heirlooms.

Lamech: Gorstag? I smell plot hook.
Steward: I'll make you comfortable in the guest lodge. Please keep your servants to yourself.
Lamech: And that's not ominous at all.

Also worrisome - the manor is suspiciously ill-prepared and ill-defended for a place next to somewhere call the Cryptgardens. They put it down to protection by the ancestral ghost. Worse, his Lordship had left to investigate the same disappearance of diplomats that we are. And he has no idea about the cultists or Temple of Elemental Evil.

Steward: So who do you actually work for?
Lamech: Everybody that doesn't want the world consumed by an elemental apocalypse.
Steward: Good answer.

GM: How are you preparing for dinner?
Kavorog: Shine myself up with my best oils.
GM: * sigh* What should a dragonborn be wearing - a lounge lizard suit?

More alarm bells - literal ones in this case - are run during the second course.

Lamech: Is this going to be another siege?
GM: And you didn't bring your weapons with you to dinner.
Lamech: Actually, since we're at dinner we're fine. Everybody grab the steak knives and fish forks. And they're silver, so we're good against werewolves too.

It's actually the local Halfling farmers, screaming about a giant being of fire and smaller lava creatures destroying farmsteads and heading for the manor.

Lamech: I told you, I fucking told you - elemental apocalypse, like I bloody said.

At least Lamech and Kavorog can run off into the forest and start some fires of their own.

GM: Won't that summon Smokey the Bear again?
Lamech: Exactly - if he does show up he'll be more concerned by the fire monster than anything I can do.

Elethandiel: Can I have those magic arrows now?
Steward: Um....
Lamech: Yes, we know they're family relics, and Lord Gorstag might be a bit upset if you hand them out, but wouldn't you prefer to still have a manor house in the morning?

We get everybody organised - buckets and cauldrons of water on the roof, an aspergillum holy water sprinkler from the shrine, and magical haversacks filled to the brim with well water. And a few prayers to the evil God of storms, because a torrential rainstorm right now would be appreciated. Since we don't have any air support with us, the plan is to snipe at them with Rays of Frost, Magic Missiles, enchanted arrows and the like, targeting the Magmins first (since they'll scatter and start spot fires if they reach the house) and pouring water from the capacious Haversacks, holy water, and soup onto their heads if they do reach the building. Kavorog's Bullywug concubine will hide in the garden pond, no doubt jumping out to hit them with a banjo if they approach.

Lamech: At least they're easy to target at night... You know, it's only just occurred to me that they might be a distraction.
Elethandiel: .... F**k.

Worse, the big elemental is much faster than we expected, and soon becomes a much more urgent problem than the four lava creatures.

Lamech: You know, maybe we should have stood waist deep in the pond and sniped at them from there.

And then we learn that Magmins explode if killed. Very bad if you're in hand-to-hand. We do take them down, but Kavorog has been so hideously burned he's near death.

GM: The lights are out, the NPCs run out of the manor to help.
Lamech: All the lights apart from the burning dragonborn anyway.

Kavorog miraculously recovers overnight.

Lamech: Lizards molt, don't they?

Kavorog: I think I had some divine intervention.
Lamech: Storm God finally showed up, did he? Or was it Smokey the Bear?
Kavorog: I think it was the household ghost.... He said he'd be in touch.

Apparently nobody took advantage of the chaos to sneak into the manor - or if they did, they or the servants are good enough to cover the tracks. Still, we claim our rewards for saving the building.

GM: And there were all those +1 magic arrows they had. Because they like to go hunting.
Lamech: Very sportsman-like.
GM: Well, they WERE hunting in the Cryptgarden Woods.

Kerak: At least Bullywugs aren't very intelligent.
Lamech: They were intelligent enough to con us into killing an undead troll and a shambling mound for them.

Kavorog: I think I was visited by the manor-house ghost. He was another dragonborn.
Lamech: We don't want to hear about your dreams, we know all about your predilections.
Kavorog: It wasn't sexual, goodness gracious, what do you take me for?
Lamech: * long withering look*
Kavorog: * shit-eating grin*

Resurrected Dragonborn: Where am I?
Kavorog: You're in safe hands.
Lamech: This is not an excuse for a Hurt/Comfort slashfic!

Lamech: Well, your commander made it to safety, we closed that Shadowgate, killed the shadows (probably), and that banshee isn't after you anymore, so Yay! Go you! But we do have a problem with evil elemental cultists dicing lava Elementals on innocent manor-houses.
Resurrected Dragonborn: Whu?
Lamech: The big blue stud here will explain everything * points thumb at Kavorog*
Kerak: Big blue stud?
Lamech: Lamech Judocus - Shipper.
Kerak: Cargo Shipper, no less.

Apparently the other dimension is very much big on civilisation, so the Druids and barbarian dragonborn in this reality disturb him a little.

Kavorog: The dragonborn here are...
Lamech: Very big on leather and straps.
Kerak: And woolly underwear because they promised their mothers they'd wrap up warm.

A group of individuals in very bad squirrel suits step out and form up across the road.

Lamech: Hey peeps. You'd better have a really good reason for stopping us.

Lamech's Player: Blacklair's on 19, Urlon on 20... Kavorog, what are you on?
Kavorog: Third Base.

The group of humanoid sugar gliders all cast Thunderwave on us.

Al: F**k!

We survive. The party horses aren't so lucky. Lamech's Himalayan Mastiff is however fine, and frothing mad.

Urlon: I start laughing when I hit the ground - because I've just realised that Kavorog stopped far enough back to be out of range of the Thunderwaves.
Lamech: Those guys are SCREWED.

Kavorog: Do they look reasonably Mooky?
GM: They're guys in squirrel suits.
Kavorog: Kremit? Get the knives. * casts mass Sleep and charges in to brutalise the squirrel cultists.*

Kavorog: My Bullywug and I are LETHAL on the battlefield - I thump them and he uses flank and backstab to finish them off.

Lamech: * wielding the Spider Staff* And YOU can have some spiders! And YOU can have some spiders! And YOU can have some spiders!

Lamech follows up with a fireball. Which he hasn't cast before. And is a 20ft radius sphere. Cast at near-point-blank range. This catches the entire party.

Kavorog: Not again!!!!
Lamech: Sorry!

The surviving squirrel cultists fly off at speed. They don't far.

GM: Obviously you're loony fire cultists. Nobody else would cast fireball as a combat reaction.
Kerak: In close combat
Lamech: I said I was sorry!

Lamech: Maybe we SHOULD have let one get away - so they could tell their superiors they were attacked by loony fire cultists.

GM: At least you get some flying suits from the bodies. So you can visit the Plane of Air and go on adventures with your buddies the Aarokokra.
Lamech: Whee! Although they are a bit singed.

GM: Kremit is right behind you, Kavorog.
Lamech: Actually, among the amphibians only amphisbaenans have intromittant organs. So it has to be a strap-on.
All: ...

We're all exhausted, and everybody but Kremit, Lamech, and his dog burnt.

GM: You're all buggered.
Lamech: I thought Kremit was the one getting buggered.
GM: * death-glare*
Kavorog: I haven't actually got him into my bed! ...... Yet.
GM: * headdesk*

Kavorog is somewhat phobic about fire now, to no-one's surprise.

Kavorog: I'm going to have a nice long warm bath.
Kerak and Lamech, simultaneously: With the Bullywug?
Kavorog: * rolls eyes*
Kerak: Hey, you're the one that called him your concubine.

The next village confirms that His Nibs and a local priestess of the 1% passed through, to investigate the disappearance of that diplomatic party. They haven't come back, but given some of their party was on foot that isn't surprising. Still, the inn will give us some horses to replace the ones that are still burning beside the road where we hit the flying squirrel cult.

GM: The villagers don't know where to look - there's a gnome, a char-grilled blue dragonborn, his 'man' the slimy toad-thing -
Lamech: He's not slimy, he's pre-lubed.
Al: ...
Kavorog OoC: That was bad.
Lamech: You started it.

Aarokokra: What kind of lunatic uses Fireball as an Attack of Opportunity?
Lamech: * runs in circles cackling and takes a deep draw on his Wacky Baccy*
Urlon: He's what we call a Wild Sorcerer. 

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The situation is that three men are trying to become guards in order to get into a fancy banquet to find a villain.

 

Joah: Huge Rock Man with insane strength.

Kane: Elemental Swordsman.

BB: AKA Bloody Bastard. Bloodbender with a bit of an anger issue.

Gold Prince: Leader of the Golden Guard for the banquet. 

 

 

Joah: "Excuse me, good sir, may we apply to become guards for this here ceremony?"

 

Gold Prince: "I don't know, show me what you can do!"

 

*Joah lifts his chair completely made out of gold*

 

*Kane slices that same chair in half.*

 

*BB cuts a part of his body and bends blood out of it*

 

Kane: "So, are we in?

 

Gold Prince: "Well, I think so, but I would have to get you all GOLD weapons and armour!"

 

BB: "Ugh"

 

*The Gold Prince comes back with several sets of gold chain armour, 2 golden swords, a golden set of knuckles, and a bucket of gold paint.*

 

Gold Prince: "OK, We are all set to go, but I have one request for you *Points at BB*". 

 

BB: "And that is?'

 

Gold Prince: "Can you make your blood GOLD?!" 

 

BB: "Um, no."

 

Gold Prince: "Well then, if you kill someone, throw this gold bucket on them please."

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I'm beginning to think that Kavorog's particular...foibles...would make even Jrska do a double-take (Deadpool style).

 

 

Major Tom 2009 :snicker:

 

Nah, Kavorog limits himself to scaley or otherwise hairless males. Jrska has no limits at all. If anything she'd snort and mutter "amateur"

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Situation: After a long fight with a group of demon worshipers trying to summon a demon, 5 people come back to talk to police. 

 

The Cast

BB: AKA Bloody Bastard. Bloodmancer with a bit of an anger issue. 

Falran: Bard with an Angelic Sword. Sort of a dick. 

Ray: Shapeshifter with a love for adventure. 

Kane: Elemental Swordsman.

Prince Herald: Runaway Prince that gained an invisibility hex. 

Wizard: A wizard that knows too much.

 

BB: Can you please let me out of these restraints so I can kill you? 

 

Wizard: That would not be a good idea. 

 

Prince: (Whispers to BB) He's a prick dude, don't worry about him.

 

Wizard: Alright, so What the Hell happened?

 

Ray: OK, so I didn't show up on time because I was with some bird people that came in the middle of the banquet.

 

Falran: I was playing music on Serif (Holds his sword)

 

BB: I was a guard.

 

Kane: I was also a guard. 

 

Prince: Afterwards, one of the trade princes... princesses disappeared (Blushes but no one sees it), she got away.

 

BB: Afterwards, every seemed to form a circle to summon a devil. 

 

Wizard: And how know that? 

 

BB: I used to be a priest.

 

QOTW: Wizard: *Looks at BB's clothes* What the fuck kinda church would have you as a priest? 

 

Falran: And I grew myself to destroy the circle. I think I destroyed the boat. 

 

Kane: I accidentally killed one of the guys in the circle. (He purposely did so). 

 

Wizard: Yeah... Right. (Looks into a book) Fuck... Your're telling the truth. Except for you *Points at Kane*. You purposely killed that senator.

 

Kane: FINE. 

 

*All go home after a long conversation*

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We're setting up for the Big Campaign Finale. One PC has a 20-something daughter with superpowers, who is following in Daddy's footsteps. (She's a DNPC, but also bought as a Follower.) Daughter wants to join the PCs on the Final Assault. The player is debating whether to bring her along or not; the player thinks it would be fun and they could use the additional firepower, but in-character the PC would be reluctant to expose his daughter to what is practically a suicide mission. Daughter really doesn't want to be left behind, and is wheedling Daddy to let her come.

 

Another player OOC: "As the father of two daughters, can we just skip ahead to the part where she gets her way? Trust me on this one."

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About 2 weeks late with these...

 

Our cast:

Nymeria - Human huntress

Lexi - Human preistess

Braddoc - Halfling thief [bronwyn's brother]

Bronwyn - Halfling illusionist

Grim - Orcish monk

Danuwell - Elvish sage

Gar - Dwarvish preist

Griff - Human (angelic) fighter

 

We've made contact with the Spider Elves and have gained information about some MacGuffins we need to collect to help us get back home.  Unfortunately, since the elves are basically under siege, there are complications...

 

******

 

Dan: Where I come from, "You big, dumb bastard" is our highest praise.

 

Gar: Wait, you're not a dwarf.

 

*****

 

[Our host's 4-ish year old grand-daughter comes in with soaking wet pants.]

 

Granddaughter: I had an accident.

 

Host's wife: I wouldn't call it an 'accident'.  She jumped in a puddle.

 

Brad [OOC]: Ah.  She had a deliberate.

 

*****

 

[During a discussion about how the Spider Elves could possibly be getting proper nutrition in an underground environment with no sunlight or livestock.]

 

Dan: Okay, the mushrooms have vitamin D.  They're living under the ocean in caves, but we've figured out the vitamin D thing.

 

*****

 

 

Lexi [OOC]: It has toddler spit on it.

 

Dan [OOC]: That adds 2d6 damage.

 

*****

 

GM: Okay, dinner is over and your hosts retire to their quarters for the night.  What is everyone doing?

 

Bron: I thought we should riffle through all their stuff.

 

Brad: That's my sister!

 

*****

 

Brad: I sneak around, find their sentries and leave them notes that read, "you suck."

 

GM [rolls a d20]: Yes you do.

 

*****

 

[We've reached the location of one of the MacGuffins and have gotten into a fight (of course) with some kind of magma golem.]

 

Brad: It doesn't dodge as well standing in a puddle of my sweat.

 

*****

 

Nym: Hey, guys, is it okay if I fire an exploding arrow?

 

Gar [standing right next to the golem]: No.

 

Nym [pouting]: Fine!  A regular arrow.

 

*****

 

Bron: You made the mean girl cry!

 

*****

 

Nym: That goes on the list of things Gar is too harry to do.

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From Saturday's game.

 

Our cast:

Nymeria - Human huntress

Lexi - Human preistess

Braddoc - Halfling thief [bronwyn's brother]

Bronwyn - Halfling illusionist

Grim - Orcish monk

Danuwell - Elvish sage

Gar - Dwarvish preist

Griff - Human (angelic) fighter

 

After the last fight, we're now searching an abandoned manor house for one of the keys we need to open the magical gateway so we can try to get home again.

 

*****

 

[From the pre-game discussion of why time travel is an ability too dangerous to allow any single human to possess.]

GM [ooc]: I wouldn't be able to resist the urge to meddle and there's know way to predict all the consequences.
Bron [ooc]: You mean like giving [politician's] parents condoms?
GM [ooc]: I don't mean killing anyone.  I'd just meddle.
Bron [ooc]: That's not killing anyone.  They just wouldn't exist.
Brad [ooc]: And that's why [bron's player] shouldn't have time travel technology.

*****

[While exploring the manor house for the first of the keys we need.]

Nym: How many races do we know of that have a poison pantry?

*****

Nym [ooc]: Quick!  Add juice to the list of things you can't breath.

[group laughs]

Lexi [ooc]: How do you do that?
Nym [ooc]: Do what?
Lexi [ooc]: Be funny?!

*****

[in a previous game, while we were foraging for food, Nymeria explained to everyone the proper process for finding out what's safe to eat: first you rub a bit on your skin and wait a few hours to see if you get a rash, then you lick it and wait a few hours then you eat a small amount, etc.]

[bronwyn, while searching the manor, comes across some jewelry.  Someone brings up the oddity of keeping it out in the open rather than under lock and key and that maybe we should be careful handling it.]

Brad: Well, we have rules about strange jewelry.
GM: You just put it on immediately, right?
Gar: No, we have to lick it first.
Nym: That's not the first step!
Brad: No.  We've already established that she has to rub it all over herself first.

*****

[Many sessions ago, we discovered that Nymeria and Lexi were both pregnant.]

Nym [ooc to Lexi's player]: Yeah, you don't want to give your baby Fetal Alcohol Syndrome!
Brad [ooc]: Fetal Alcohol Syndrome?!  You've been testing strange substances for allergies for weeks now.
Nym [ooc]: Not allergies!  I was testing for deadly poisons.  If you're going to accuse me of being a bad mother, do it for the right reasons.

*****

[We've had a pretty good evening so far with many jokes and much laughter.]

Bron [ooc and wheezing a bit]: I didn't bring my Advare. [asthma medication]

Brad [ooc]: You have your rescue inhaler with you, though, right?

Bron [ooc]: Yes.
Gar [ooc]: Okay, we going to have to stop being funny or we'll kill [bron's player].

*****

Bron [ooc]: What's granpled?
Brad [ooc]: It's when grandpa gets grabby.
Nym: :ugly:

*****

Brad [ooc]: Death noogie?!  I think I've found the name for my new punk band.

*****

Brad [contemplating climbing down the side of a building]: Being in the Underdark, I assume there's no rain gutters here.
Nym: :confused:
Gar: The stalagmites are dry this time of year.
Nym: :rolleyes:
Gar: Hah!  You looked up.  I said stalagmites, when I should have said stalactites!
Brad [deadpan]: Ah, geology humor.

*****

Gar [also contemplating how to get down to the ground and deciding to jump for it]: I parquor like a parked Ford.
Grim: Aim for the halfling, he'll break your fall.
Brad: :angst:

*****

[After a nasty ambush leaving Lexi unconscious and nearly dead.]

Gar: Well, I could apply an old Dwarven healing method.  First I have to find a big rock [mimes repeatedly bashing someone with a big rock].  Are you feeling better yet? [Goes back to bashing.]

*****

Grim: So we have to go back to the elves to lick our wounds.
Lexi: I don't want any of you licking me!
Nym: Well, I'd have to rub you on my arm to make sure it's safe first.

*****

Lexi: Gar, heal me!
Brad: Get your rock.
Lexi: No! Not the rock!
Brad: That's the thing about the rock.  Once you've used it once, they don't ask for it again; so they must be healed.
Gar: You understand Dwarven healing magic!

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Before last night's Champions game, I emailed the players:

 

GM: If the Make-a-Wish Foundation contacted Just Cause because a kid wants to be a superhero sidekick for a day (specifically, Badger Boy), would that be something you'd go along with?

Honey Badger:  Not opposed to Badger Boy.  But don’t make it all about me, though I understand why you would. We could use a Mini Maker or Shadow ThumbWrestler.  Be creative….

 

One of the players (playing Nexus) said that Badger Boy should be at least 12 years old.

GM:  I changed him to 13 years old at your request, though he was initially 7 years old.  I based that off Batkid, who was 5 years old.

Nexus:  (OOC)  Who's Batkid?

GM:  The kid that Make-a-Wish got a mini-Batman costume for, and set up an adventure for him to solve as sidekick for Batman.  Y'know, in real life.

Nexus:  (OOC)  Ohh!  (pause)   Well, this would be different than that, because we're real-life superheroes.

GM:  (smirk)  Right.  "Real-Life" superheroes.

Nexus:  Okay, fine, in the game we're real-life superheroes.

 

The heroes meet with Carl Stanley, the rep from Make-a-Wish.

Stanley:  I assume you'll want to look over all the equipment Badger Boy will have, as well as meet the stuntmen playing Gray Gremlin and his henchmen, check out their equipment, run background checks...

Pops:  You're being very forthcoming with all this.

Stanley:  I've worked with hero teams before.  Paranoia seems to be fairly common.

Honey Badger:  (quoting Prince Humperdink)  I always think everything could be a trap.  That's why I'm still alive.

 

One of the heroes is commenting on the various gadgets Badger Boy has.

Circe:  Badger Scanner.  Badger Zapper.  Badgerangs.  Badger Magnifier.

Honey Badger:  Is Honey Badger getting any residuals for this stuff?

 

Maker uses her powers to upgrade Badger Boy's gear.

GM:  With an Aid, fading per day, you can boost his exoskeleton to 26 STR and 4 SPD.  Are you bumping his Badger Zapper from a half die NND to 2d6?

Maker:  Sure, why not?  The kid should have fun with this, and it might be useful.

Shadowboxer:  Those stunt men are going to be in for a shock.

 

Pops still isn't convinced it's not all an elaborate trap.

Pops:  Yeah, I don't think he has a brain tumor.  I think it's actually an 8d6 Killing Attack Explosion bomb.  "Hi!  Nice to meet you!"  BOOM!

 

Honey Badger and Badger Boy are called in to investigate a "theft" at Lockley International.

Jacob Lockley:  The Gray Gremlin stole a prototype we were developing to de-power monstrous supervillains like Grond.  Luckily, they didn't get a power source for the Lockout Beam, and the prototype is set to only work on Grond's DNA.  So unless they're planning on depowering Grond, in which case, I'm not seeing a downside...

Honey Badger:  But could it be reprogrammed, with someone else's DNA?

Lockley:  Why, yes, you're right, it could!

Honey Badger:  (OOC)  I'm seeing where this is going.  Honey Badger's going to have all his powers drained away, isn't he?

GM:  The Lockout Beam doesn't actually exist, it's just something they "invented" for this Make-a-Wish thing.  And Maker already inspected the device.  It's just a souped-up flashlight to do a nice light show, and then you pretend to be de-powered so Badger Boy can save the day.

Honey Badger:  Riiiiiiight.

 

As the hero and his sidekick are called to investigate a theft at Henderson Electronics, the rest of the team is contacted by PRIMUS about a real supercrime.

Det. Williams:  Your buddies Fat Cat and Factory Recall hit a truck owned by AligenX, with a medical shipment.  They stole the medicine and... well, the truck is no longer driveable.  Around the same time, a bunch of people started picketing the AligenX corporate offices, protesting the company quadrupling the price of their premier product.  Since picketers and rioters are a favorite tactic of Union, I figured it's not just a coincidence.

Nexus:  That's the company that's in the news, right? 

GM:  Yep.  Lifeline accused the CEO of pulling a Martin Shkreli and increasing the price to line his pockets, and the CEO is suing Lifeline for slander.

Nexus:  That CEO sounds like a jerk.

GM:  Wait till you get to meet him.

 

Back on the trail of the Gray Gremlin, Badger Boy overhears the police calls on his Badger Scanner and pulls Honey Badger aside.

Badger Boy:  Listen, I realize this whole thing isn't real.  I know Gray Gremlin doesn't actually exist.  So shouldn't we go with the rest of the team to AligenX, and stop some real supervillains?

Honey Badger:  Just because Gray Gremlin doesn't actually exist, doesn't necessarily mean this (gestures to indicate their own investigation) isn't all one big trap. 

Badger Boy:  You really think this might be a trap?

Honey Badger:  That's why I'm still alive.

 

At the truck hijacking, Shadowboxer sees what Williams meant by "no longer driveable."

GM:  They pulled the driver out, took the Gembroprim (unique antibiotic), and then it looks like Factory Recall tried to figure out how may times he could fold the truck in half.

 

At the corporate headquarters, the heroes get to meet Noel Moreno, CEO and primary shareholder of AligenX.

Moreno:  So, you superheroes finally decided to show up and do your jobs!

Pops:  Jobs?  I don't remember you hiring us.

Moreno:  (ignoring Pops, talks to Nexus)  Are you finally going to catch these criminals and stop them from destroying my property?

Nexus:  Well, we just arrived, so I'm going to go over there and talk to the police officer in charge.

Moreno:  You do that!  And then go stop those Corporate Raiders before they do more damage to my property!

 

Over the Mind Link, Circe hears what sounds like whispers or faint echoes from his teammates' minds.

(Mind Link):  He's a greedy jerk.  He deserves what's happening to him.  He doesn't deserve your help.  You're better off doing something else.  Let Moreno hang on his own.

Circe:  (OOC)  If Union was still hanging around, trying to influence the cops and us, would I see it?

GM:  Not if it's invisible to Mental, like your Cumulative Telepathy.

Circe:  Could I detect it?

GM:  Well, you have pretty high mental defenses, so a small amount of dice wouldn't even make a dent.  It would be like waves gently washing up on the shore.

Circe:  Or maybe faint echos.

GM:  Yep.  You got it.

 

Pops offers to take Moreno to the PRIMUS base where he'll be safe, but the CEO refuses to go.

Pops:  I can't do the Megascale teleport against an unwilling target -- yet -- so I think the [CENSORED] is going to end up with his head in a toilet instead.

Circe:  I might worry Union was influencing Pops, but that's actually normal for him.

 

Back with Make-a-Wish, the heroes have trailed Gray Gremlin to an auction house where a lock of Honey Badger's hair (supposedly donated to charity) was stolen, and then head to a Hamm's Burgers and Brats stand for a bite to eat. Honey Badger knows this is where the "battle" with Gray Gremlin is supposed to take place. 

GM:  Did you invite Pop Tart to meet the kid?  (GM note:  Pop Tart is Honey Badger's girlfriend and a member of the Boston University student crimefighting group Snak Attak!.  Her costume is best summed up as "overly sexy cheerleader.")

Honey Badger:  Sure, why not?  The more, the merrier.

Maker:  Besides, a 13 year-old boy would love to meet Pop Tart.

 

Gray Gremlin:  Finally, Honey Badger, I have you in my sights!

GM:  He fires the Lockout Beam at you.  Lots of pretty lights and...

Honey Badger:  40 points of my strength are drained away, right?

GM:  Nope.  Nothing actually happens to you.  But this is where you're supposed to act like it did.

 

Once Badger Boy has dispatched the (fake) bad guys...

Honey Badger:  Does that Lockout Beam have a reverse switch?

GM:  As a matter of fact, it does.  Badger Boy flips the switch, fires it at you and... 40 STR is drained away.

Honey Badger:  Really?!

GM:  Nope.  Just kidding.  More pretty lights, and even more nothing actually happens to you.

 

As they're doing the photo op, Moreno decides to get into his limo and leave the corporate offices.  Nexus decides to tag along, invisible.  While they're enroute, a sudden rainstorm begins.

 

Circe:  Don't the Raiders have a weather controller?

GM:  Yep.  Rainwalker.

Circe:  Oh!  Wait!  Is this the group with the [CENSORED] who shrunk me?
GM:  Right again.  That would be Downsizer.

Circe:  We really need to catch her this time.

 

(more to follow)

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Badger Boy, continued

 

Nexus and Moreno end up at the AligenX labs as the storm starts full-force.  While Nexus keeps an eye on Moreno, Pops teleports downtown with the rest of the team to pick up Honey Badger and Maker (who has been trailing the Badger boys while invisible, just in case -- see prior comment on paranoid heroes).  Honey Badger is reluctant to bring Badger Boy along, but Maker talks him into it.  As they prepare to teleport to the AligenX labs, Pop Tart gives Honey Badger a loooong kiss for luck.

Malarky:  Do ye happen to have another lass like you on your team?
Pop Tart:  I could introduce you to Little Debbie.

Malarky:  (grin)  Aye, I might just like that!

 

Nexus, cloaked with an invisibility spell, is checking out Moreno's office while he harangues employees on the phone.  She spots a ventilation cover that's slightly askew, levitates up, and spots Downsizer hiding inside.  Afraid the shrinker will sneak away, Nexus zaps her with a spell to drain her OCV.  Downsizer radios for help, and more of the Raiders quickly arrive in a large panel truck as the rest of Just Cause (plus Badger Boy) teleport into Moreno's office.

GM:  (moving the panel truck quickly up the driveway toward the building on the battle map)

Maker:  When it stops, will we be able to see the truck through the windows?

GM:  (keeps moving truck without slowing down)

Circe:  I don't think they plan to park outside.

 

Factory Recall bursts out of the truck and smashes through several walls to get to Moreno's office.  He ends his full move about 2m in front of Honey Badger.

Factory Recall:  (robotic voice) Oh, shi...Correction, Target rich environment.

Honey Badger:  Target rich?  Which one of us is Rich?  Sucks to be him.

 

Honey Badger punches Factory Recall through a couple walls back into the lobby, and Daytrader (the Raiders' speedster) runs in, ending his full move just before reaching Circe.  She zaps him with a Mental Blast.

GM:  Good news - you stunned him.  So Phase 2, Daytrader has to spend recovering from being stunned.

Circe:  Whew!

GM:  Bad news - Phase 3, Daytrader gives you a Rain of Punches.

 

Fat Cat leaps through the holes Factory Recall made, and gets much of his strength drained by Malarky.

Fat Cat:  (bad French accent)  How could you do zat to me?  You... you... ENGLISHMAN!

Malarky:  Well, now, them's fighting words!

 

Downsizer flies out of the vent toward Malarky, but Badger Boy's Badger Magnifier allows him to spot her.  Knowing from his own extensive super-fan research that she like to cling to a target's back before attacking, he runs over and grabs her before she can attack Malarky.

Badger Boy:  (cupping his hands around her like a captured insect)  I've got her!  I've got her!

Malarky:  Well, what are ye waiting for, lad?  Zap her!

A few NND zaps later, she's unconscious and grows to full size.

Malarky:  Congratulations, lad.  You've captured your first supervillain!

 

Fat Cat and Honey Badger are fighting in the lobby, and it's apparent things are not going the Raiders' way.

Fat Cat:  (bad French accent) Honey Badger, mon ami, I do not suppose you would let bygones be bygones and let me leave?

Honey Badger:  I'd like to, but I've got an impressionable kid here...

Fat Cat:  But I know ze best restaurants.  Finest French cuisine.  My treat.

Circe:  Oh, now you've done it.  You've hit his vulnerable spot.

 

Pops teleports Moreno (now willing to go) to the PRIMUS base.

GM:  Where do you appear?

Pops:  PRIMUS agents get a little testy when I just pop inside, so I've got a spot memorized just outside the back door.  Then I knock and say, "Delivery!"

GM:  Okay, as you appear, you suddenly feel a complete and total apathy.  No desire at all to do anything.  (pause)  It's a mental entangle.

 

He quickly breaks out of his ennui, so Union has to up his game, hitting Pops with a 16d6 Mind Control.

Union:  Pops, you're a good man, but he (points to Moreno) is not.  He's greedy, self-centered scum, and not worthy of your protection.  In fact, you need to take him to Calcutta, and leave him there so he learns a little lesson.

Moreno:  No!  I refuse to go!  You can't make me go if I don't want to!

Mark Futures:  (zaps Moreno unconscious)  Shut up.  Nobody cares what you want.

 

Luckily for Pops, Union's damage roll is low and his own EGO roll is good, so he's not bound by the Mind Control.  Instead, he teleports into the front lobby of the PRIMUS building with the unconscious CEO, leaving Union and Mark Futures to make their escapes. 

 

At the end, the heroes have captured Daytrader, Downsizer, Factory Recall, and Rainwalker. 

 

Malarky:  We'll take pictures of Badger Boy posing with each of the captured supervillains, for his scrapbook.

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Before last night's Champions game, I emailed the players:

 

GM: If the Make-a-Wish Foundation contacted Just Cause because a kid wants to be a superhero sidekick for a day (specifically, Badger Boy), would that be something you'd go along with?

Honey Badger:  Not opposed to Badger Boy.  But don’t make it all about me, though I understand why you would. We could use a Mini Maker or Shadow ThumbWrestler.  Be creative….

 

One of the players (playing Nexus) said that Badger Boy should be at least 12 years old.

GM:  I changed him to 13 years old at your request, though he was initially 7 years old.  I based that off Batkid, who was 5 years old.

Nexus:  (OOC)  Who's Batkid?

GM:  The kid that Make-a-Wish got a mini-Batman costume for, and set up an adventure for him to solve as sidekick for Batman.  Y'know, in real life.

Oh, so that was the inspiration for this comic:

http://www.thefrumps.com/comic/2016/04/04/make-a-wish

 

Learn something new every day.

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Fireflash: As I recall you had me there to grab the item the Six Teens were handing off to their employer. And for some reason, YOU, Hardlight, kept attacking the Six Teens despite the fact they'd already passed it off.
Hero Shrew: In my defence, I'd forgotten why we were there.

Hero Shrew: Don't we have to give a copy of that data to that Dysprosium Dawn weirdo?
GM: Dammit!
Flux OoC: GM, foiled again.

Hardlight: I can alter all the data before we give copies back to the police and that mad scientist.
Fireflash: So LowellTech will be the only group with the data and can profit from it? In a word - I DON'T THINK SO.
GM: Plus there's the small matter of tampering with evidence.

Hardlight: Flux and I aren't going to kill anybody! We've got a code against killing.
Flux: So what you're really telling me is 'don't do it where you can see me'.

Flux: So we don't need proper sanctioning.
Fireflash: Pity, I enjoy a good sanctioning.
Flux, Hardlight: ....
Hero Shrew: ... I don't get it.

Hardlight: We're the Light Irregulars.
Flux: No.
Hardlight: We three are the light, the shrew is the Irregular.

Hardlight: Well, next weekend -
GM: So you're the Weekend Warriors now?
Fireflash: How about Quadrant? There's four of us.
Flux: You okay with that, Scooter?
Hero Shrew: *shrug* I guess. What's a quadrant?

Hardlight: Now I have to redesign all our costumes.
Fireflash: I am not having a giant Q over my nipple.
Flux: And do you really want to put the shrew in spandex? He already smells like wet dog.
GM: How about a colour co-ordinated man-kini?
Flux: *shudders*

Hero Shrew eventually realises that various fluffy-tailed Moreaus have gone missing. This enrages the shrew, because that cop stopped him shaking the truth out of the unconscious Alsatian.

Hero Shrew: I'm going to that cop eat his own power armour.

GM: I still haven't found a good picture to use for Hero Shrew.
Flux: Funny, he doesn't look shrewish.

Hero Shrew goes to talk to his boss at the Collar Club, who is a bit upset to learn that Genesys might still be around. He gets the various bouncers to take suitable precautions.

Flux: Every time I see that place I think it should be called "The Pussy Palace".

Hero Shrew walks into Hardlight's office - forgetting the whole 'secret identity' thing.

Hero Shrew: Hey, you remember how that Alsatian said some perv was stalking fluffy-tailed girls-
Hardlight: .... Who are you and how did you get in my office?
Flux: You really think human security could stop him?
Hero Shrew: *notices the human security clinging to his ankles and being dragged along*
Security: I'm sorry, Mr Lowell, we couldn't stop him.
Hero Shrew: .... Er... So... If you could tell that other guy. The one with the light suit. Who isn't you.
Security: Wait, aren't you the bouncer at that furry bar? ... We'll be outside if you need us, sir.
Hardlight: *headdesk*
GM: *sings* Oh Lord, won't you find me/ a super-strong, muzzle / My brick won't stop yapping / I must make it, end.

Hardlight tries to ring Fireflash.

Fireflash: He's still blocked.
GM: I thought you were going to unblock him?
Fireflash: I was going to but I forgot.

Hero Shrew OoC: So you're going to have to ring her at home and talk. Via her Mom :D

Flux is at work too, which makes for an interesting conversation when his co-workers listen in. He begs off drinks after work, claiming he needs to put in overtime. Fireflash discovers a problem with her new costume. Sure, it ensures good airflow and won't flap when she's flying along - she just forgot that she lands feet first, at speed.

GM: And your dress whips up and over your head, to the delight of all the pedestrians with cameras on the other side of the street.
Flux: I'm already following it on Social Media.

Hero Shrew OoC: What kind of captions are they putting on the photo? ... 'Curtain Matches The Capes?'

Hero Shrew: ... Yeah, so my other boss said I should talk to you guys too.
Fireflash: Your other boss?
Hero Shrew: Yeah, I'm a bouncer.
Fireflash: Ah, I see.
Hero Shrew: Yeah, at that titty bar this boss met me at.
Hardlight: *headdesk*
Fireflash: .... Really. *turns to Hardlight, and angrily flaps the inadequate dress* What, this isn't enough for you?

Hardlight: Flux, I'm asking you to do the data search because you have the investigative skills.
GM: Nope.
Hardlight: *sigh* I know, the shrew does. But he can't use the database.
GM: Because he's illiterate. :D

GM: The other problem with searching the database is 'How do you quantify fluffiness of tail'
Hero Shrew OoC: I'll help. There will be gestures. 'I Like Big Butts And I Cannot Lie.'

Hero Shrew asks the missing girl's neighbours if he can check their apartments for clues.

Hero Shrew: In case I need a key. Me and doors don't get on.

Of course, most Moreaus don't even bother closing their doors - they can smell whoever has been in their rooms anyway.

Hero Shrew: That's funny... Smells like a car.
Hardlight: What, new car smell?
Hero Shrew: Nah, one of those ones that starts with an N. The front end looks like a face.
Hardlight: ...
GM: Nakajima.
Hardlight: Weird.
Hero Shrew: Yeah, I know - how would you even get a car up the stairs?

Fireflash finds a photo print-out on the table - of herself, at her school. There's a note on the back.
 

3 4 1. Deal? - K (anonymous email addy)


Fireflash emails the address - "I assume I'm the One" and get another anonymised email in confirmation. The K stands for Killzone, an effective and capable mercenary, but one who is honourable and keeps her word. Hardlight suspects that this exchange is an attempt by the people that gave her her powers to hand herself over, and that the missing Moreaus were bait to get the superheroes involved. Flux and Hardlight hurriedly collaborate to invent a way to track Fireflash before this Three-for-One exchange can happen. Flux's private lab is a strange mix of circuit diagrams and occult symbols.

Hardlight: ... Is that chicken blood on your 3-D printer?

And then Flux's co-worker shows up.

Bob: Hey, Chris, you up there?
All: ....
Fireflash: Hey babe, Chris was here but said he'd be back later!
Bob: Oh, I see, I understand, I didn't know he had someone over, I'll leave you to it! ... You sound familiar.
Flux: .... I am so going to jail...

Bad news - Killzone has assistance from Doom Troopers. At least the missing Moreaus are being kept in comfortable quarters in an otherwise typical Abandoned Warehouse

Hero Shrew: You girls OK?
Fluffy-tailed Girls: Yeah, bit nervous, but they asked us really detailed questions about what we needed for food.
Hero Shrew: Good to hear. If they hadn't been looking after you I'd be really cross.
Doom Troopers: *thumb their triggers nervously*
GM: They know all about your rages.
Hero Shrew: Nice to be recognised.

Killzone won't let the hostages go until Fireflash gets into the crate, and after they've removed all the obvious bugs and trackers.

GM: All the obvious trackers.

They even go to the trouble to explaining what sedatives they'll be using and checking her medical allergies, etc. and reimburse the kidnapped Moreaus for their lost wages. Very thoughtful. Less thoughtful is the reaction from Flux and Hardlight when we entered the warehouse, and they completely lost all the signals from our bugs and trackers. Cue rising panic. Then the warehouse doors open.

GM: NOW you get a signal.
Flux: ... I was going to say she's putting out again, but...
GM: Unlike Hardlight, YOU have a filter.

Hero Shrew leads the girls off around the corner, and tells them to leg it for the Zoo. And then hurries off to meet up with Hardlight and Flux.

Hero Shrew: I'm following the plan. I'm a good shrew I am.
Flux: .... Please tell me he's not coming straight here.
GM: Did any of you tell him not to?
Flux: *headdesk*

Flux: Scooter, don't lead them to us!
Hero Shrew: *holding a paw to his ear to listen to his communicator* I can't see anybody following me.
Flux: They might be ninjas.
Hero Shrew: I can't see any ninjas.

And then the tracking technomantic spell indicates that the Doom Troopers, Killzone, and the crated Fireflash are travelling underwater.

Hero Shrew: Well, I start looking around for a boat we can steal.
Flux: We look around for a boat we can legally requisition for lawful pursuit.

Instead we pile into a robot cab and follow northward along the shore.

GM: Let's Rock! ... And take public transport.

Hardlight: I have a brilliant idea.
GM: Why am I suddenly afraid?
Flux: 'We blew up the marinas' "Why" "because we couldn't be arsed searching them'

At least their sub isn't moving fast.

Hero Shrew: They're in a submersible. And probably pedalling it.

Hero Shrew starts looking around for something heavy.

Hero Shrew: Can I jump off the bridge and use the weight of the cab to get me down to the sub?
GM: Yes, but the cab company might object.

Hero Shrew: I'm going to swim down to the sub and start punching holes in it :D
GM: The sub where Fireflash is drugged and unconscious? Wait - they said the mask would keep feeding her oxygen while she was being shipped, didn't they?
Hero Shrew: Yes :D I remembered :D
Fireflash: Who are you and what did you do with the real Hero Shrew?

Flux and Hero Shrew run up on the bridge while Hardlight runs to get a boat, and then back to an ATM to get money.

GM: Larry, Curly, and Moe.

Hero Shrew: Maybe we should tell the Coast Guard.
Flux: About the mystery sub?
Hero Shrew: Full of armed mercenaries.
Flux: 'And how do you know this?'
GM: 'We just did a hostage exchange with them'

Hero Shrew plunges in to intercept - and discovers the mercenaries aren't in a sub. They're all using underwater sleds.

GM: I love how you all assumed it was a sub. I mean, who can afford a sub?
Hero Shrew OoC: Prohibition bootleggers who want to prove a point by torpedoing the Coast Guard.

Flux's blast attack misses all the Doom Troopers - they were towing the crate, after all - but DOES destroy the crate itself, and that half-wakes Fireflash. And brings the sixteen mercs to the surface. And pisses Killzone right the hell off, since she considers the troopers family.

Fireflash: Why aren't we sticking to the plan!
Hero Shrew: If they'd gone by land we could have followed them.
GM: Which is why they didn't go by land. Competent mercenary, remember? So, no clue where they were taking you. Blame your teammates.

GM: You realise there's nothing around to use as a weapon, since you're in the water.
Hero Shrew: But if I can get my hands on one of them, I WILL have a weapon :D
GM: You're learning the First Rule of Successful Bricks.

Killzone isn't with them - she just put on a jacket and hat and strolled off along the boardwalk. But she DOES come running when she sees her team in trouble. She is also a very good shot with her Pulson pistols.

GM: The Doom Troopers are worried, they have an angry Murderball in their midst.
Hero Shrew: Who is about to use one of them as a club.
GM: He's only stunned, not unconscious.
Flux: You can still use him as a club - he'll just be less enthusiastic about it.

On the other hand they have their own Flash-based weapons - and Hero Shrew is promptly blind and deaf. And the other eight are heading after Fireflash.

GM: They have very specific orders when faced with a Brick in close quarters - try to Flash them, then get the fuck away.

And then Fireflash erupts from the water like a Polaris missile, and Killzone and her mercs scatter while the scattering is good.

Killzone: My services are for hire - not my life.

Fireflash is not happy with the rest of the team, for rescuing her when the plan was to find out who paid to kidnap her.

Hero Shrew: We would have followed you but we didn't have a boat. Blame him, we sent him to find a boat.
Hardlight: I was perfectly happy following you, but then HE had to go and jump off a bridge!

Flux: Where do you hire someone like Killzone anyway?
Fireflash: I don't know! There isn't a forum for supervillains!
Hero Shrew: Actually, there is, it's on the Black Net.... Something to do with fishing, I think.

In fact, the villain's forum in question is a moving marketplace, that sets up in locations around the world, fairly often in Edge City, where villains can trade tech, cursed artefacts, hire mercs, etc.

GM: But it only ever meets on weekends.
Flux: Villains have day jobs in this economy.

The mention of the Black Net leads to the discussion of the Shadownet, and the AIs that monitor it.

Flux: I am not going near an AI.
Hero Shrew: If the Internet is for Porn, I'm sure the AI is lonely - you'll be really popular.
Flux: I am NOT going near that AI.

Flux: *sigh* Why is the most normal one of us the genetically engineered shrew?
Hero Shrew: *is currently picking his teeth with a length of rebar*
GM: Where did you get the rebar?
Hero Shrew: Had to break a bit off the bridge parapet.
GM: You broke part off the bridge??
Hero Shrew: Needed some weight to get down to where I thought the sub was.
Fireflash: *facepalm*

Hardlight shuffles funds into a secret account for use in emergencies.

Hardlight: I have created the Bat-Creditcard.
GM: And I will have to kill you.

Fireflash hasn't realised her improvised top is soaked through yet.

Hardlight: I've noticed, but I'm too polite to look lower than her eyes.
Hero Shrew: I'm not.
GM: But you've seen hundreds of boobies.
Hero Shrew: Yeah, but they look different without fur on.
Flux: *looks down* For fucks sake.

The Shrew's bosses are glad the missing Moreaus are safe, but less so that Hero Shrew damaged the bridge in the process.

Hero Shrew: I don't think they got it on camera. They might find my tooth marks in the rebar though.
Bennie the Bouncer: Goddamnit, I keep telling you, just keep some tire rubber to chew on.
Hero Shrew: Those reinforced radials, pretty rough coming out the other end.
Bennie: Not the whole tire!
Colin the Collie: *sigh* Tell Cham to go see the Head of Main Roads and smooth things over. He'll do anything for a paw job.

Colin the Collie: I only followed about half of that explanation.
Hero Shrew: Yeah, I didn't pay much attention to the debrief myself.
Colin: ... I sympathise with your other boss, I really do.

Hero Shrew: *pauses in my chewing on another Mealworm Bar*
Flux: Something wrong?
Hero Shrew: Think there was a Superworm in that one.
Flux: Superworm?
Hero Shrew: Kinda big beetle grub.
Flux: Oh. Superworm suggests something very different in a Superheroic Milieu.

Somebody has anonymously sent Flux a document called Magick and the Modern Practitioner. This worries him, since nobody but him knew he was actually a Mage. And the message arrived via a semi-conscious program primed to find technomancers. And did it through an unconnected modem. He also digs deep into the info on Killzone and her Doom Troopers. She's very protective of them, and does NOT react well to mind control. She's been known to go toe-to-toe with the superhumanly strong, and she's an expert shot. The Doom Troopers' suits and weapons are pretty alarming too. Flux makes a few connections, and comes to the alarming conclusion that the tech leads back to Terror Incorporated and the work of the supposedly late Professor Muerte. Which would also explain Killzone's antagonism towards the terrorist organisation Eurozone, since two of them fused Muerte into his armour and dropped him into the Marianas Trench. 

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A small set of the PCs and hangers-on are hurrying to catch up with the local lordling, Gorestag, preferably before the elemental cultists ambush him. It's going to be at least a day's travel, and we don't have enough horses to travel all night.

GM: Your Bullywug has been wearing the squirrel suit thinking it will make him look less like a Bullywug and therefore people will trust him. It doesn't work.
Lamech: Nope - instead he looks like a Bullywug on his way to a furry convention.
GM: (Kav's player), you are NOT going to draw this. (Lamech's player), you are NOT going to write the story.

GM: You relax around the fire.
Lamech: And Kremit gives Kav a back massage?
GM: And Kavorog licks his.

We get attacked. Evidently someone objects to hot lizardman-on-bullwug action.

Kavorog: Why do they always attack us at night?
GM: Because they're nocturnal.
Lamech: Fair enough.

Lamech: Behind you! Stop licking his back and move!

It's a party of Gnolls.

Lamech's Player: So, is it Vitus or Jrska?
Kavorog's Player: I thought that one looked familiar XD

GM: Kavorog, you and your companion are spared by Lamech's spell effect.
Lamech: 'Companion'
GM: Batman had a Boy Wonder, Kavorog can have a Frog Wonder.
Lamech: Tadpole Wonder.

Kremit gets downed.

Kavorog: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Lamech: 'You can't die, you're too perfect for this world, melodramatic sob'

We also encounter a group of the local barbarians - the encounter is civil enough, right up until Blacklair the dwarf decides to pick a fight with them because they're of a rival totem. He passes every spell save as the rest of try to prevent the fight. Including the Calm Emotions the cleric tries to cast, which fails to calm Blacklair, but DOES calm the barbarians, who back politely away from the frothing dwarf.

Barbarians: Please restrain your maniac.

Lamech: *sigh* It appears this train wreck is unavoidable.

Lamech manages to Web the dwarf and Kavorog chokes him out. We camp beside the Giant's Span Bridge, which is probably of dwarven manufacture given the complete lack of safety rails. Kavorog and Kremit take the last watch.

Lamech: That way the rest of us will have got SOME sleep before those two Get It On.

And then a large water elemental humps up out of the water. We panic, as is our wont.

Cleric: Now, what can I do? I could have cast Calm Emotions on it, but I needed to cast that on somebody else, didn't I? *casts a scathing glance at Blacklair*
Lamech: Talk to it, you're a Water Genassi, aren't you?

GM: This is going to sound stupid ... But the wave wavers.

GM: Now, what offering will it take to let you pass unhindered...
Lamech: It has a craving for idiot dwarves - do we have any in the party?
GM: You're a bit short on those.

Instead it tries to engulf our horses, who break free and run for it, closely followed by the rest of us. All our camping equipment is trashed, but at least nobody is hurt - victory! 

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