Jump to content
Darren Watts

Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

Recommended Posts

My vote is to let that one stay but remove the link and censor the words. :) Of course that doesn't leave much left.

 

I had a quote in my game that was funny.

 

Sonic looks at you and says, ".... ... .... .... ........?"

 

To the player refered to earlier who was wearing earplugs.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

From my Post-Apoc Game:

 

Donnell was sitting in a sniper position in a tree and takes out a Templar holding another player hostage. Another Templar unleashes a full power fire blast on Donnell. The blast destroys the tree Donnell had been sitting in, blasts him through a second tree, and smashes him up against the trunk of a third tree. His left wing and arm are broken and critically scorched. He remains at his landing location for three full turns from the STUN and with the help of another player is able to walk back to the party to which Liana replies, "Do you need healing?"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Originally posted by BlackSword

This happened last weekend in a Jadeclaw game. We had just finished beating back bandits that had tried to steal our wagons and we were decided whether or not to burn them in a pyre or not.

 

GM: Its going to stink and you're going to be there the rest of the night

Player1: We can wait until morning, what are they going to do turn in to zombies?

 

.

.

.

 

GM: Okay, its just before dawn, you're on watch roll perception

Player1: Success

GM: You notice the bodies moving, four zombies are attacking you.

 

Rules of Role Playing:

No 1: Never give the GM ideas!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Classic :

GM: The Brick (can't remember his name, he played big 'n'dumb very well) opens door revealing the Gigeresque aliens. You are all behind him in single file. He's blocking the doorway

Blaster: DUCK.

Brick: Where? All I see are rejects from the Alien movies.

Blaster: No you idiot GET DOWN

Brick: If you think it'll help (Player starts doing moves from Saturday Night Fever and singing 'Staying Alive')

Other Party member: Just shoot THROUGH him.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Okay, this one was from last session, it makes sense if you've seen a certain film that pretty much the entire gaming community has seen...

 

Radar Rider, the energy projection mutant, falls prey to the "Skeetworld Phenomenon". Put simply, the large number of published characters who combine Flight and 0-END, nonpersistent Force Fields into an EC, plus the lower defense levels of 5th Ed., plus the increased number of ways in which multiple attacks can be made in a phase, all add up to an entire class of characters who regularly seem to get blasted out of the sky at least once per game session. Anyway, this time Defender has no means of reaching him and so he plummets like a rock and smacks his stunned-and-therefore-non-Force-Fielded head against the pavement. What's worse, the cause of his fall was a well-aimed car hurled by the Monster, who is stalking over to him and flexing his claws.

 

Marchwarden therefore leaps from the roof of a five-story building onto some telephone cables and runs along them, shooting off the last of his arrows to get the Monster's attention. Then he flings himself down onto the Monster with only his woodland knives, knowing that he's hideously outmatched but risking his butt anyway to save his teammate. Due to his ridiculous CVs and a lot of Martial Block rolls and Flying Dodges, he manages to survive long enough for Defender and Eternia to show up and administer the smackdown (Eternia is the Monster's worst nightmare: and irresistably lovely, innocent-eyed young woman who regenerates his worst attacks swiftly and is as strong as Grond).

 

Anyway, Radar Rider takes a few recoveries and, a bit sheepishly, tells his pointy-eared teammate from "New Zealand":

 

"Hey Marchwarden, I just, um, wanted to say thanks, you know, for..."

 

The Marchwarden of the Galadhrim holds up a hand.

 

"Pay it no mind, friend. Since ancient times, an alliance has existed between our two peoples. Long ago, we fought and died togeth-"

 

"Dude, no way are you getting a hug!"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Dug up some old Vanguard quotes

 

Deathwatch was poisoned and dying when a mystical samurai appeared offering him a way out.

 

'Which do you choose. Death or Death in Life?'

DW: "I choose not to choose, and to be judged by you.'

'I am not here to judge. That is the cowards way out."

DW: 'Are you living or dead?'

'That is for you to decide.'

DW: 'I take Life in Death.'

"You mean Death in Life."

DW: "That too."

 

 

Mayday was kidnapped in her Secret ID by a vampire who had Hideous as his butler. The team came to rescue her.

 

Eclipse hovering invisibly outside lands and knocks on the front door. "Hi! I'm Mr. Bradley, but you can call me Milton." smiles and puts out his hand. Hideous shakes and takes cold damage. "Very nice to meet you.' It says stupidly. Eclipse

throws Hideous down the block and goes in.

 

 

Their plans in ruins the villains set a bomb at the heart of the underground complex and depart. Or try to...

 

Villain: "We only have 8 seconds. It will be a glorious death."

 

American Valor: "Why don't you have it without me?"

 

 

Escaping the bomb blast Vanguard tracks down the villains but instead are led into a trap that sends them back to the Jurassic era. While the gadgeteer minded examine the machine responsible, the mystical alien has a better idea.

 

Bedlam: "I'll let you try to fix this, then I do what I have to."

 

Night Warden: "What do you mean by that?"

 

Bedlam: "How would you like to go to an extra dimension?"

 

Night Warden"Can anyone get hurt?"

 

Bedlam:"I don't know. I've never done it before."

 

Psi-Shock: "By the way, are you well liked in your dimension?'

 

Bedlam: "I can't remember. I know someone wants to kill me."

 

Psi-Shock: "And who's that?"

 

Bedlam: "The Gray Slayer."

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In my street level game the heroes are investigating the 8-Ball Syndicate, which has 14 teams of 15 members whose masks look like various pool balls. The Queue balls are the go betweens and fixers. 8-Ball is the leader. Trick Shot, Break Shot, and Scratch are the costumed enforcers. The Arc is called behind the 8-Ball.

 

Midnight: Who do you think is pulling their strings?

Bull: The 8-Ball.

Midnight: No,that's too obvious. It would be too easy.

Bull: Huh, you're probably right.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Originally posted by Karma

Rules of Role Playing:

No 1: Never give the GM ideas!

 

Wrong! ALWAYS give the GM ideas! It gives you a better shot at winning than if you wait for what the GM thinks up on on 'is lonesome!

 

Doc

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Originally posted by DocMan

Wrong! ALWAYS give the GM ideas! It gives you a better shot at winning than if you wait for what the GM thinks up on on 'is lonesome!

Doc

 

True. But there are few things more disheartening than getting screwed over by an idea you gave to the GM.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

PUN WARNING!

 

Last night's D'n'D game. Our party druid had been grappled by some ugly undead monstrosity, and as my action came up, I decided to lend aid, and as I swung my rather pathetic quarterstaff, my battlecry echoed through the evil temple ...

 

"DON'T SQUEEZE THE SHAMAN!"

 

:D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The first one occured to me several years ago. It was a game called "Bloolust" (never translated to english; imagine a world like Conan the Barabarian's where all the characters are the wielders of sentient immortal weapons).

 

GM (me, trying to put a feeling of barbary in the scene) : The battle is now over ... the battlefield is almost completly silent now, scents of burnt flesh and blood ... hacked corpses lying around ... crows and ravens are beginning to land to get their part of the sinister feast to come ... you slowly came to each other, driven by your weapons. (to PC-1) You see (PC-2) at a distance, he's waving a arm at you ...

PC-1 : eerr ... one of his arms ?

GM : ...

 

The second one occured in a Champions game some months ago :

Plot : In a Theater, the big bad guy was opening the arch-classical portal-to-the-place-with-leatherwinged-ugly-critters-with-claws. A part of the team was trying to evacuate the public while the other part was fighting the avant-guard (a reddish minotaur with scent of sulphur).

Grendel (2 meter high wolverine with a strength of 40) takes knockback from a blow and is projected several hexes away from his ennemy; -not even stunned thanks to his Dam. Reduction.-

GM (to Grendel) : the blow sends you almost to the other side of the theater; you crash on the floor just aside of a terrified old lady (mimic of a old lady frightened scream)

(Grendel's player, checking his sheet and noting that he would need a full move to reach his opponent now)

Grendel (to the GM) : how much damage can make a li'l old lady ?

GM (and other players) : ???

Grendel (explaining) : as a missile ...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Ladies and gentlemen, our new champion:

 

Chris:"Wait a minute. We only need to return one of these creatures (note: horrible venomous alien land-squids that the party's been knocking itself out to capture, at great risk) alive to get paid, right? So we could keep the other, as a pet?"

 

Terry: "I want to name it... Milo."

 

Runner-up: Chris: "Wait. Is this a *fighting* conversation?"

 

Though the actual funniest thing in the game last night was probably Terry silently turning off his comm link while I was in mid-rant.

 

dw

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Long Ago in a Dungeon Far Away

 

At the very beginning of my gaming career, 1st Ed D&D...

 

Our party had been commissioned to retrieve a gem called the Eye of Odin by the Church of Odin. It was, unsurprisingly, at the bottom of a monster-infested, heavily-trapped dungeon. It had been several peril-filled sessions and time was getting about 2 AM.

 

Finally, someone cast a spell to locate the gem, which proved to be sitting on an unremarkable pedestal in a bare room.

 

Before anyone else could get a word out, one tired player announced, "My dwarf marched over to the gem, picks it up and shouts, 'O!D!I!N! Come and get your f-----g gem'!"

 

GM rolled for Divine Intervention, got it, and the dwarf vanished off to Valhalla, along with the Eye.

 

Which left the rest of us to deal with the lich the trapped pedestal had summoned....

 

 

SKJAM!

"A good man, sir. Not someone I'd give sharp objects, but a good man."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It was a long time ago in a galaxy far far away........

 

Set during the first star wars film. One of the characters Clef Blade was a bounty hunter working for the imperials, he was hired by Grand Moff Tarkin himself. The other a female y-wing pilot Melissa.

 

Melissa was taking Clef Blade back after a major fight scene.

 

Clef Blade tells Melissa that he is a High officer in the Rebel Alliance.

 

M: So Where can I take you?

CB: Um....where are you going?

M: The Rebel Base, you know where that is right....

CB: Yeah its on .....um.....

M: Yavin 4.....

 

As soon as the y-wing landed Clef Blade was on the intercom to the imperials.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have also been in another star wars game with the same characters as above.

 

CB: Melissa I turned your droid into a new Holo-Droid

M: Thanks

 

Melissa got back everyone had left the planet and she was left with a hollowed out shell of a droid and found it very difficult to get off the planet.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Wizard Rhyme

 

I was running a 3E conversion of Temple of Elemental Evil (the old modules) and since the players didn't have any spellcasters, I had hired out to them two NPCs, a cleric and a wizard.

 

The wizard has gotten hit by a feeblemind spell in the previous combat and since no one in the party had the appropriate healing was basically a blithering idiot.

 

I had advised them to go back to town with their magical fire support gone, but they chose to press on. Shortly thereafter, the party was then fighting a group of nasty demons and rather than have the mage get hurt, lead him to a pillar and told him to hide/stay there out of the way of the combat.

 

Well needless to say that didn't work, a demon spied the helpless mage and teleported next to him. I rolled two natural 20's, confirmed the criticals, rolled nearly max damage which took the mage to around -18 or so. Quite simply, the mage splashed.

 

Player: "So how is the mage doing?"

Me (made this up on the spot):

"The NPC wizard,

with the INT of a lizard,

now has his gizzard,

all over the floor."

 

Cheers.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Okay, here was a rather disturbing one. The GM just told the group that a certain encoding scheme included a "retinal scan" as part of its unlocking mechanism.

 

One of the players, after a pause, said "I didn't hear 'retinal' at first."

 

Use your imagination to guess what she did hear. Now imagine how, exactly, the body part in question could be scanned... or, better yet, don't...

 

A somewhat less disturbing, but a bit blander, quote from the same session, when the PCs are rushing to escape a collapsing building and one wants to go back for a special power suit she had been given by an NPC:

PC 1: "I need the suit!"

PC 2: "Or you can escape with your life and ask Parker for a new one later."

PC 1: "'Escape with your life' sounds good..."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

THis is from a long time ago...Character 1 Ghosthunter...just kicked in the door to the bathroom of a Demon safe house and the dude in the shower is standing there covered in suds...."hey get lost...or I am going to hurt you,hurt you BAD..." Ghosthunter smirks "Go ahead, Scare me"...famous last words...one very gruesome instant change and a big pres ATK later Ghosthunter is standing there with her mouth open as the big bad Critter o' Doom hits her with a big bad claw...to this day "Go ahead, scare me" is a phrase of infamy....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...