Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

[Duke Bushido]

Mycroft: So what is your primary command?

AI robot: To allow no harm to come to myself.

Kinetica: How far will you carry that?

Mycroft: What is your most primary command after that?

AI robot: To allow no harm to come to my handlers

Kinetica: What do you mean 'allow no harm to come to yourself?'

AI robot: I will not willingly allow harm to come to myself.  

Kinetica: What do you mean?  Will you attack people or something?"

AI robot: If I feel I am in danger of being harmed to the point of impairing my function, I will defend myself as best I can to prevent that harm from occurring.

Kinetica: So would you like turn into a giant bomb and blow us all up?

Magnificent: I want you to run that through your head a few times before asking him anything else.

 

 

 

[Drhoz]

Pathfinder - The Mummy Mask : Citizens on Patrol
GM: Nobody reacts well to the dead rising.
Zenobia: If anybody blames us I feel obliged to point out that we were fully licensed tomb-robbers.

The town of Wati is still in a state of near-panic, even after the more rambunctious dead have been dealt with and that pillar of black fire dissipated. It certainly hasn’t helped the local economy.

GM: … the more rambunctious dead have not been dealt with.
Zenobia OoC: I’ll revise it to ‘Rambunctious dead that we know about’ then.

GM: You’re swiftly deputised into city defence.
Zenobia: Well, yes, we did deal with a square full of zombies, zombie hands, and a mummy.
Asrian: And I live here.

Since the dead are STILL getting up to complain about the youth of today, Nemat suggests that any of the patrols that can use the Dancing Lights cantrip to signal what kind of undead they’re currently encountering. Most of the problems are the basic ambulatory corpse variety, at least, which is almost a relief compared to what we COULD be getting. Just our luck, we promptly run into one of the worst possibilities.

Zenobia: Do we have a Dancing Lights code for this? I don’t think you can do Double Black Diamond in Dancing Lights.

There’s screaming from the riverside shops in the low-rent district.

Zenobia: Giant undead crocodile then.
Nemat: Nah, the vampire ducks are worse. Kvack, Kvack.
Asrian: No, the undead clockodiles are worse.
Nemat: True.

The humanoid figure feasting on a pile of civilians has odd hands. They bend … very oddly.

Asrian: Uh-oh.
Nemat: As in, backwards?
GM: Yes.
Asrian, Nemat, and Zenobia: FLUTTERSHY!
Survivor: RAKSHASA!
Nemat: I have to fire off right Dancing Lights code - the one that means HELP!!!!!!

Rakshasa: *sniffing the air* This chaos… is delicious.
Zenobia: Well that’s just offensive.

Nemat whips out the Align Weapon scroll we picked up earlier, and turns Zenobia’s crossbow Good.

Onka OoC: We got lucky on the ‘find random shit’ table, didn’t we?

The Rakshasa promptly Lightning Bolts Zenobia and Asrian.

Zenobia: Owie.

 

Asrian: I’m going to have to charge it. I do not want to charge it.
Zenobia OoC: Look on the bright side - if it hurts you I’m sure I’ll go on a Roaring Rampage of Revenge.

Zenobia’s love interest charges in, casting Elemental Damage:Acid on her scimitar, and very nearly decapitates the Rakshasa. The Rakshasa is displeased.

Rakshasa: I have already had my fill of killing today. I will give you one last chance to run.

Asrian responds by nearly decapitating it again. Nemat uses some blistering invective to insult its mum, and follows up with a Shackle. Onka runs up to add a Tangleburn Bag to its problems.

Rakshasa: My ears are burning.
Nemat: So is the rest of you.

Asrian hits it with a THIRD critical hit.

Zenobia: You’ll ringbark his neck eventually.
GM: The dude hasn’t even had a chance to draw his kukri!

It’s true - the creature got off a single Lightning Bolt, and promptly suffered spinal injury, was set on fire, entangled, entangled AGAIN, even more on fire, and bleeding. We were very, very, very lucky - Rakshasa are WAY above our pay grade. Nemat continues his Invective.

Nemat: The MIGHTY Rakshasa, being taken down by SPELLCASTERS. IN MELEE!

Zenobia: Does letting it run away handcuffed and on fire count as giving it a second chance?

The Rakshasa turns invisible, but is still stuck in place by the Tangleburn Bag. Probably just as well for it that it can’t run to the river, since Tangleburn Bags explode on contact with water anyway. It begs for mercy.

Asrian: Fluttershy you. *hacks away*
Zenobia: *shocked*
Asrian: This thing comes into MY city, kills MY neighbours, it deserves to DIE!
Nemat: Well, people do say the same thing about gnolls.
Zenobia: I can understand WHY you did that, Asrian - I’m just a bit shocked that you did.

Nemat: We’re not equipped to give this thing a quick death.
Asrian: My scimitar is sharp but his neck is blunt. (I think we have a Mary Queen of Scots situation here)
Nemat OoC: I was thinking the same thing.

 

 

Nemat: This is one of the creatures taking advantage of the chaos in the city. Now we can put its head on a spike over the city gate to discourage the others. ‘Is that a Rakshasa head?’ ‘... yes’ ‘That wasn’t there last week.’ ‘Rightio then, going home.’

The shopkeeper offers us two servings of Seer’s Tea in thanks for killing the monster. He’d originally thought the creature had come to save him from the people looting his store, right up until it transformed back into its natural form and sat down to eat them.

Shopkeeper: I thought the gods were watching out for me, and had sent a hero of the city!
Nemat: And then we showed up, and it turns out they DID send heroes of the city!

The next day is more of the same, but fewer Rakshasas. A flare over the marketplace indicates another undead outbreak.

Asrian: Somebody managed to do it in Hieroglyphs. I’m impressed. ‘Dead Turkey, Live Turkey, Crocodile, Pharaoh inverted’. That can’t be good.

A cart lies on its side in an alley, with a twisted body lying next to it. Also, shambling dead.

Zenobia: May the attention of Sarenrae shrivel you like slugs in salt!
Asrian: I like that one.

Zenobia’s prayer practically kills them all instantly. Asrian effortlessly blasts most of the thoroughly shrivelled undead to pieces. Still, the ones that still have limbs are a threat, or would be if they could actually hit anything.

Zenobia: Does the victim require healing or decapitation?
GM: He be dead.
Zenobia: Decapitation it is then.

I turns out that the cart had a large hidden compartment - and the zombies burst out of it.

Nemat: Somebody is trying to smuggle the restless dead out of the city???

The late smuggler appears to be a member of the Silver Chain, Wati’s top unofficial graverobbers.

Nemat: That is a REALLY stupid thing to be doing right now.

Nemat also catches a whiff of cedar oil, and traces it to another secret compartment under the driver’s seat, which includes other stolen goods including a Hand of the Honest Man.

Asrian: That’s a hand I don’t know.
Nemat: I refrain from comment.

Off towards the Necropolis then, to return the stolen funerary goods to the Cult of Pharasma, and string the smuggler’s corpse over the gate into the cemetery.

Asrian: With a sign not saying ‘Tomb Robber’ but ‘STUPID Tomb Robber’

The gates are barred, and there is a LARGE mob of undead trying to force it open. There’s also a very nervous junior acolyte of Pharasma and some town guard.

Nemat: Looks like you can use some help?
Acolyte: Yes please! I’m only a LVL 2 Cleric!
Zenobia: And the undead are all crowded in against the gate?
GM: Yes.
Zenobia: Packed in tight, reaching through the gaps in the gate?
GM: Exactly.
Zenobia: Rightio then. *strolls up to just out of arms reach, and rolls up her sleeves*

Nemat and Asrian do some calculations, and determine that there's about 90 undead in range of what Zenobia is about to do. Zenobia flexes her clerical muscles and obliterates half the mob of zombies, skeletons, and ghouls with her first Channel Energy. Then does it again to the ones that don’t flee.

GM: … Did you just just level up twice in two rounds?

Of course, the incorporeal undead come right through the wall. A Shadow goes after the acolyte. Happily, she has us to rescue her. If we can keep this up, maybe Wati won’t become a literal and metaphorical ghost town.

 

 

Pathfinder - The Mummy Mask : Citizens on Patrol
GM: Nobody reacts well to the dead rising.
Zenobia: If anybody blames us I feel obliged to point out that we were fully licensed tomb-robbers.

The town of Wati is still in a state of near-panic, even after the more rambunctious dead have been dealt with and that pillar of black fire dissipated. It certainly hasn’t helped the local economy.

GM: … the more rambunctious dead have not been dealt with.
Zenobia OoC: I’ll revise it to ‘Rambunctious dead that we know about’ then.

GM: You’re swiftly deputised into city defence.
Zenobia: Well, yes, we did deal with a square full of zombies, zombie hands, and a mummy.
Asrian: And I live here.

Since the dead are STILL getting up to complain about the youth of today, Nemat suggests that any of the patrols that can use the Dancing Lights cantrip to signal what kind of undead they’re currently encountering. Most of the priblems are the basic ambulatory corpse variety, at least, which is almost a relief compared to what we COULD be getting. Just our luck, we promptly run into one of the worst possibilities.

Zenobia: Do we have a Dancing Lights code for this? I don’t think you can do Double Black Diamond in Dancing Lights.

There’s screaming from the riverside shops in the low-rent district.

Zenobia: Giant undead crocodile then.
Nemat: Nah, the vampire ducks are worse. Kvack, Kvack.
Asrian: No, the undead clockodiles are worse.
Nemat: True.

The humanoid figure feasting on a pile of civilians has odd hands. They bend … very oddly.

Asrian: Uh-oh.
Nemat: As in, backwards?
GM: Yes.
Asrian, Nemat, and Zenobia: FLUTTERSHY!
Survivor: RAKSHASA!
Nemat: I have to fire off right Dancing Lights code - the one that means HELP!!!!!!

Rakshasa: *sniffing the air* This chaos… is delicious.
Zenobia: Well that’s just offensive.

Nemat whips out the Align Weapon scroll we picked up earlier, and turns Zenobia’s crossbow Good.

Onka OoC: We got lucky on the ‘find random shit’ table, didn’t we?

The Rakshasa promptly Lightning Bolts Zenobia and Asrian.

Zenobia: Owie.

 

Asrian: I’m going to have to charge it. I do not want to charge it.
Zenobia OoC: Look on the bright side - if it hurts you I’m sure I’ll go on a Roaring Rampage of Revenge.

Zenobia’s love interest charges in, casting Elemental Damage:Acid on her scimitar, and very nearly decapitates the Rakshasa. The Rakshasa is displeased.

Rakshasa: I have already had my fill of killing today. I will give you one last chance to run.

Asrian responds by nearly decapitating it again. Nemat uses some blistering invective to insult its mum, and follows up with a Shackle. Onka runs up to add a Tangleburn Bag to its problems.

Rakshasa: My ears are burning.
Nemat: So is the rest of you.

Asrian hits it with a THIRD critical hit.

Zenobia: You’ll ringbark his neck eventually.
GM: The dude hasn’t even had a chance to draw his kukri!

It’s true - the creature got off a single Lightning Bolt, and promptly suffered spinal injury, was set on fire, entangled, entangled AGAIN, even more on fire, and bleeding. We were very, very, very lucky - Rakshasa are WAY above our pay grade. Nemat continues his Invective.

Nemat: The MIGHTY Rakshasa, being taken down by SPELLCASTERS. IN MELEE!

Zenobia: Does letting it run away handcuffed and on fire count as giving it a second chance?

The Rakshasa turns invisible, but is still stuck in place by the Tangleburn Bag. Probably just as well for it that it can’t run to the river, since Tangleburn Bags explode on contact with water anyway. It begs for mercy.

Asrian: Fluttershy you. *hacks away*
Zenobia: *shocked*
Asrian: This thing comes into MY city, kills MY neighbours, it deserves to DIE!
Nemat: Well, people do say the same thing about gnolls.
Zenobia: I can understand WHY you did that, Asrian - I’m just a bit shocked that you did.

Nemat: We’re not equipped to give this thing a quick death.
Asrian: My scimitar is sharp but his neck is blunt. (I think we have a Mary Queen of Scots situation here)
Nemat OoC: I was thinking the same thing.

 

 

Nemat: This is one of the creatures taking advantage of the chaos in the city. Now we can put its head on a spike over the city gate to discourage the others. ‘Is that a Rakshasa head?’ ‘... yes’ ‘That wasn’t there last week.’ ‘Rightio then, going home.’

The shopkeeper offers us two servings of Seer’s Tea in thanks for killing the monster. He’d originally thought the creature had come to save him from the people looting his store, right up until it transformed back into its natural form and sat down to eat them.

Shopkeeper: I thought the gods were watching out for me, and had sent a hero of the city!
Nemat: And then we showed up, and it turns out they DID send heroes of the city!

The next day is more of the same, but fewer Rakshasas. A flare over the marketplace indicates another undead outbreak.

Asrian: Somebody managed to do it in Hieroglyphs. I’m impressed. ‘Dead Turkey, Live Turkey, Crocodile, Pharaoh inverted’. That can’t be good.

A cart lies on its side in an alley, with a twisted body lying next to it. Also, shambling dead.

Zenobia: May the attention of Sarenrae shrivel you like slugs in salt!
Asrian: I like that one.

Zenobia’s prayer practically kills them all instantly. Asrian effortlessly blasts most of the thoroughly shrivelled undead to pieces. Still, the ones that still have limbs are a threat, or would be if they could actually hit anything.

Zenobia: Does the victim require healing or decapitation?
GM: He be dead.
Zenobia: Decapitation it is then.

I turns out that the cart had a large hidden compartment - and the zombies burst out of it.

Nemat: Somebody is trying to smuggle the restless dead out of the city???

The late smuggler appears to be a member of the Silver Chain, Wati’s top unofficial graverobbers.

Nemat: That is a REALLY stupid thing to be doing right now.

Nemat also catches a whiff of cedar oil, and traces it to another secret compartment under the driver’s seat, which includes other stolen goods including a Hand of the Honest Man.

Asrian: That’s a hand I don’t know.
Nemat: I refrain from comment.

Off towards the Necropolis then, to return the stolen funerary goods to the Cult of Pharasma, and string the smuggler’s corpse over the gate into the cemetery.

Asrian: With a sign not saying ‘Tomb Robber’ but ‘STUPID Tomb Robber’

The gates are barred, and there is a LARGE mob of undead trying to force it open. There’s also a very nervous junior acolyte of Pharasma and some town guard.

Nemat: Looks like you can use some help?
Acolyte: Yes please! I’m only a LVL 2 Cleric!
Zenobia: And the undead are all crowded in against the gate?
GM: Yes.
Zenobia: Packed in tight, reaching through the gaps in the gate?
GM: Exactly.
Zenobia: Rightio then. *strolls up to just out of arms reach, and rolls up her sleeves*

Nemat and Asrian do some calculations, and determine that there's about 90 undead in range of what Zenobia is about to do. Zenobia flexes her clerical muscles and obliterates half the mob of zombies, skeletons, and ghouls with her first Channel Energy. Then does it again to the ones that don’t flee.

GM: … Did you just just level up twice in two rounds?

Of course, the incorporeal undead come right through the wall. A Shadow goes after the acolyte. Happily, she has us to rescue her. If we can keep this up, maybe Wati won’t become a literal and metaphorical ghost town.

 

[incrdbil]

players, upon being attacked by a Van that transformed into a Giant Robot, that had sat there, motionless for most of the combat.

"Wait, that thing has been there the whole time?"

ME: "Why yes..you see..it was a Robot, in disguise." ::transformer noises::

[Drhoz]

Champions - Edge City : More Citizens On Patrol
Flux: Why are you staring at Allana’s breasts, Scooter, you work at a strip club?
Hero Shrew: Same difference between free-range and factory farmed.

Allana the Bat-Moreau downplays the extent of her formidable bust. I mean superpowers.

Allana: I might have a lot of power, but Scooter actually knows what he’s doing.
GM: I agree, and I can’t believe I’m saying that about Scooter.

Hero Shrew: Hardlight is a CEO who thought he’d be more use to society as a superhero.
Flux: Well, he wasn’t necessarily wrong.
Hero Shrew: But the only thing he’s really good at is sticking his foot in his mouth. If you want to know about Fireflash, go on YouTube and look up ‘Top Ten Superhero Wardrobe Malfunctions’

GM: At least Fireflash has a biological reason for the stripperiffic outfit.

Fireflash: So who’s going to introduce us?
Hero Shrew: Hi Fireflash, these are Allana

Hero Shrew: She wants to join Quadrant!
Fireflash: … Something about that sentence makes me want to ask ‘Why?’
GM: ‘I’m not seeing any obvious head trauma’

Fireflash: So, what can you do?
Hero Shrew: She beat me wrestling.
Hardlight: She popped my bubble in like, nothing.
Fireflash: Bubble, not cherry, OK.
Hardlight: Hey, at least I’m immune to her Smut Field.

Fireflash: Hmm. You aren’t going to fit in the Qruiser

Fireflash: Have they shown you around the base yet?
Allana: No.
GM: It was built by somebody called the Machinist, decades ago. He’d have hated 60% of the people currently in here. Wait, Gareth is gay, isn’t he? 80%.

Hero Shrew: And this is where we sew people’s arms and legs back on. Happily we haven’t had to do that yet. But now you’re here, hey?

Fireflash: I don’t think I’ve seen a Bat-Moreau before.
Hero Shrew: They were kind of equipped to leave in a hurry during the big Genesys break-out.
Fireflash: *proffering a hand* Sonya, Sonya Helstrom.
Allana: *proffering one of her four hands* Allana. I think we were going for ‘Nocturne’ as my Super-ID.
Hero Shrew: Aw, not Clue-bat?
Flux: At least you’re doing better than Gareth. He gave his civilian ID away 30 seconds after he met her. About half our workload is stopping Hardlight outing himself.
Hero Shrew: Hey, it’s the 21st Century, it’s OK if you out yourself.
Flux: … yes, well done Scooter.

Hero Shrew: And if it isn’t one of Fireflash’s study or D&D nights, we go on patrol in the evenings…. Can I patrol with you?
GM: And Gareth is no doubt pencilling in a Sexual Harassment seminar for Scooter for the near future.
Hardlight: Yep.

Hardlight: Ah, Dr Steiner - I’m looking forward to the day I meet him. I don’t know whether I’ll hug him or hit him.
Hero Shrew and Allana: …
Flux: I’m surprised you think there’s more than one option.
Hardlight: Well, he did create two of my best friends.
GM: You don’t know if Allana is a Steiner.
Hardlight: Ok, at least one of my best friends. He’s still getting punched though.

Flux: I have to admit that the four arms freak me out a bit.
Allana: They come in handy… That wasn’t meant to be a joke, it just came out that way.

We choose which part of town to patrol based on the I Ching - or rather, ‘Divination for Dummies’ and a handful of paddlepop sticks to use to determine the hexagrams.

Flux: And you ate all the paddlepops to do this, didn’t you, Scooter? Seems disrespectful of the tradition. Still, I’ll go with it - you can forecast the future in gumbo, apparently.

Off to the area around the Hellgate Institute, via the Zone - AKA Gang City.

Hero Shrew: At least the gang situation is sort of stable.
Flux: Don’t say that - it’ll stop being stable.
GM: Funny you should say that.
Allana: I can hear gunfire.
Flux: That’ll be Crime Alley, where all the crime in town happens.
Fireflash: It’s the only alley in town.
Flux: At least that giant robot is in custody.
GM: What giant robot in custody?
Flux: …. Sigh.
Hero Shrew: The one that was assimilating weapon systems?
Fireflash: I think the important part of that sentence was the ‘in custody’ bit.

GM: You guys don’t have a Crime Alert system yet, so you’re always late to the party. The news blimps are already onto it. They call themselves Zone Patrol. They’re cutting through the Voodoo Crew. Literally.

Hero Shrew: So, big guys in fancy mecha-looking armour with advanced weapons.
Flux: They kind of look like Shredder from TMNT. And the Voodoo Crew are one of the groups keeping the Zone kind of stable.
GM: They do have a vested interest in the status quo.

Allana glides around to flank them, silently. The Media Blimps certainly spot her.

Media: What the hell? That’s new.
Flux: We need to announce you, or they’ll make up a name for you.
GM: You DO have a webpage - you just don’t update it.

Hero Shrew simply tackles one of them, and is nearly overwhelmed by an aura of evil.

Hero Shrew: They’re evil! Really Evil! Palpably Evil here!
Flux: Wow. He actually said ‘palpably’.

Allana agrees about the evil aura, and reflexively throws the second one at the third, instead of carving it in half. That way she doesn’t have to touch the thing. Since all three are on the ground now, Hardlight telekinetically grabs their firearms.

Hardlight: Got your guns!

The second one staggers upright, realises it doesn’t have it’s gun anymore, and there’s a noise like an electrical motor speeding way up. Flux, party technomage, grins widely.

Flux: Oh GOODY, they’re mechanical.

Flux: Allana, do you have a Code against Killing? I forgot to ask.

Hardlight: PHOTON CANNON!

Hardlight’s holographic shoulder gun splits one of the things open, whereupon the daemonic entities apparently powering the suits go mad with bloodlust, burst out, and scatter into the city, leaving the pilot inside to bleed to death.

Hero Shrew: The ****????????!!!!???
GM: The Aura of Evil is gone, by the way.
Hardlight: In my defence I heard Flux say they were mechanical before I fired.

Allana can-openers the suit open, and starts triage on the pilot and the many injured Voodoo Crew members and innocent bystanders. Scooter peels open the others. They all have odd symbols inscribed over the inner surface, and none of the pilots are looking healthy. And they’re all tattooed with matching symbols.

Allana: Is there anything I should avoid getting blood on?
GM: Most of it. Actually, the daemons have escaped now, so not important.

Although Allana CAN follow the stench of brimstone - at least until we lose them in industrial areas that smell similar. The daemons are smart.

Hero Shrew: Soooo - what do we tell the ECPD?
Flux: That investigations are ongoing?
Hero Shrew: And what do we tell PRIMUS?
GM: You don’t tell them s*** yet, you haven’t finished your preliminary investigations.

The guns they were using to mow Voodoo Crew and innocent bystanders aren’t remarkable, although the batteries are better than usual. The suits are re-engineered powered harnesses, with superscience weapons, with bronze armour of all things.

Allana: And daemon magicks.
GM: Yes, mustn’t forget the daemon magicks.

Late-period Nazca glyphs, apparently intended to bind the daemons into the armour as reinforcement. Which combined with everything else is just confusing.

Hardlight: First it was zombie cowboys, then it was ancient Chinese magic, now it’s Peruvian demons?
Flux: Yeah, I blame you.

Flux: Google Translate has killed many wizards.

Not that anybody else still living knows the Nazca language, either.

Hero Shrew OoC: No point asking me about the occult - I’ll just say something like ‘Occult? Isn’t that some kind of drinking yoghurt?’

[Tech]

The Champions game has ended and it's time for the GM to hand out experience points:

 

GM: "Yea, you won! You get 2500 xp + 100 per level. Yeah, right! Take your measely 2 XP."   Of course, 2 xp is always nice but it was still funny.

[Christopher]

The youtube channel Puffin Forest has a playlsit entirely about "Quotes of the week" from years of playing:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3bTwyEbq14&list=PLruqoIF23LV9qMtirI0AAqBmB2zA8RhqV

Unfortuantley it is one of those playlists that is always sorted the wrong way with youtube, so you need chrome or a 3rd party site to get it into order.

[Christopher]

The mostly lowborn Characters in a Warhammer Fantasy game are moving in the higher society. Questions come up about the rules for Duels in this neck of the world.

"The person demanding satisfaction goes first. Then the challenged person get's to accept, choose his weapon or a substitute. Then the challenger get's to decide how far the duel goes: Till Blood, till death, etc. Of course someone must be capable of demanding satisfaction. This is not a right for the lower classes."

 

Several people start singing: "I can't get no, satisfaction..."

[Major Tom 2009]

On ‎10‎/‎14‎/‎2018 at 9:12 AM, Drhoz said:

Champions - Edge City : More Citizens On Patrol
Flux: Why are you staring at Allana’s breasts, Scooter, you work at a strip club?
Hero Shrew: Same difference between free-range and factory farmed.

Allana the Bat-Moreau downplays the extent of her formidable bust. I mean superpowers.

Allana: I might have a lot of power, but Scooter actually knows what he’s doing.
GM: I agree, and I can’t believe I’m saying that about Scooter.

Hero Shrew: Hardlight is a CEO who thought he’d be more use to society as a superhero.
Flux: Well, he wasn’t necessarily wrong.
Hero Shrew: But the only thing he’s really good at is sticking his foot in his mouth. If you want to know about Fireflash, go on YouTube and look up ‘Top Ten Superhero Wardrobe Malfunctions’

GM: At least Fireflash has a biological reason for the stripperiffic outfit.

Fireflash: So who’s going to introduce us?
Hero Shrew: Hi Fireflash, these are Allana

Hero Shrew: She wants to join Quadrant!
Fireflash: … Something about that sentence makes me want to ask ‘Why?’
GM: ‘I’m not seeing any obvious head trauma’

Fireflash: So, what can you do?
Hero Shrew: She beat me wrestling.
Hardlight: She popped my bubble in like, nothing.
Fireflash: Bubble, not cherry, OK.
Hardlight: Hey, at least I’m immune to her Smut Field.

Fireflash: Hmm. You aren’t going to fit in the Qruiser

Fireflash: Have they shown you around the base yet?
Allana: No.
GM: It was built by somebody called the Machinist, decades ago. He’d have hated 60% of the people currently in here. Wait, Gareth is gay, isn’t he? 80%.

Hero Shrew: And this is where we sew people’s arms and legs back on. Happily we haven’t had to do that yet. But now you’re here, hey?

Fireflash: I don’t think I’ve seen a Bat-Moreau before.
Hero Shrew: They were kind of equipped to leave in a hurry during the big Genesys break-out.
Fireflash: *proffering a hand* Sonya, Sonya Helstrom.
Allana: *proffering one of her four hands* Allana. I think we were going for ‘Nocturne’ as my Super-ID.
Hero Shrew: Aw, not Clue-bat?
Flux: At least you’re doing better than Gareth. He gave his civilian ID away 30 seconds after he met her. About half our workload is stopping Hardlight outing himself.
Hero Shrew: Hey, it’s the 21st Century, it’s OK if you out yourself.
Flux: … yes, well done Scooter.

Hero Shrew: And if it isn’t one of Fireflash’s study or D&D nights, we go on patrol in the evenings…. Can I patrol with you?
GM: And Gareth is no doubt pencilling in a Sexual Harassment seminar for Scooter for the near future.
Hardlight: Yep.

Hardlight: Ah, Dr Steiner - I’m looking forward to the day I meet him. I don’t know whether I’ll hug him or hit him.
Hero Shrew and Allana: …
Flux: I’m surprised you think there’s more than one option.
Hardlight: Well, he did create two of my best friends.
GM: You don’t know if Allana is a Steiner.
Hardlight: Ok, at least one of my best friends. He’s still getting punched though.

Flux: I have to admit that the four arms freak me out a bit.
Allana: They come in handy… That wasn’t meant to be a joke, it just came out that way.

We choose which part of town to patrol based on the I Ching - or rather, ‘Divination for Dummies’ and a handful of paddlepop sticks to use to determine the hexagrams.

Flux: And you ate all the paddlepops to do this, didn’t you, Scooter? Seems disrespectful of the tradition. Still, I’ll go with it - you can forecast the future in gumbo, apparently.

Off to the area around the Hellgate Institute, via the Zone - AKA Gang City.

Hero Shrew: At least the gang situation is sort of stable.
Flux: Don’t say that - it’ll stop being stable.
GM: Funny you should say that.
Allana: I can hear gunfire.
Flux: That’ll be Crime Alley, where all the crime in town happens.
Fireflash: It’s the only alley in town.
Flux: At least that giant robot is in custody.
GM: What giant robot in custody?
Flux: …. Sigh.
Hero Shrew: The one that was assimilating weapon systems?
Fireflash: I think the important part of that sentence was the ‘in custody’ bit.

GM: You guys don’t have a Crime Alert system yet, so you’re always late to the party. The news blimps are already onto it. They call themselves Zone Patrol. They’re cutting through the Voodoo Crew. Literally.

Hero Shrew: So, big guys in fancy mecha-looking armour with advanced weapons.
Flux: They kind of look like Shredder from TMNT. And the Voodoo Crew are one of the groups keeping the Zone kind of stable.
GM: They do have a vested interest in the status quo.

Allana glides around to flank them, silently. The Media Blimps certainly spot her.

Media: What the hell? That’s new.
Flux: We need to announce you, or they’ll make up a name for you.
GM: You DO have a webpage - you just don’t update it.

Hero Shrew simply tackles one of them, and is nearly overwhelmed by an aura of evil.

Hero Shrew: They’re evil! Really Evil! Palpably Evil here!
Flux: Wow. He actually said ‘palpably’.

Allana agrees about the evil aura, and reflexively throws the second one at the third, instead of carving it in half. That way she doesn’t have to touch the thing. Since all three are on the ground now, Hardlight telekinetically grabs their firearms.

Hardlight: Got your guns!

The second one staggers upright, realises it doesn’t have it’s gun anymore, and there’s a noise like an electrical motor speeding way up. Flux, party technomage, grins widely.

Flux: Oh GOODY, they’re mechanical.

Flux: Allana, do you have a Code against Killing? I forgot to ask.

Hardlight: PHOTON CANNON!

Hardlight’s holographic shoulder gun splits one of the things open, whereupon the daemonic entities apparently powering the suits go mad with bloodlust, burst out, and scatter into the city, leaving the pilot inside to bleed to death.

Hero Shrew: The ****????????!!!!???
GM: The Aura of Evil is gone, by the way.
Hardlight: In my defence I heard Flux say they were mechanical before I fired.

Allana can-openers the suit open, and starts triage on the pilot and the many injured Voodoo Crew members and innocent bystanders. Scooter peels open the others. They all have odd symbols inscribed over the inner surface, and none of the pilots are looking healthy. And they’re all tattooed with matching symbols.

Allana: Is there anything I should avoid getting blood on?
GM: Most of it. Actually, the daemons have escaped now, so not important.

Although Allana CAN follow the stench of brimstone - at least until we lose them in industrial areas that smell similar. The daemons are smart.

Hero Shrew: Soooo - what do we tell the ECPD?
Flux: That investigations are ongoing?
Hero Shrew: And what do we tell PRIMUS?
GM: You don’t tell them s*** yet, you haven’t finished your preliminary investigations.

The guns they were using to mow Voodoo Crew and innocent bystanders aren’t remarkable, although the batteries are better than usual. The suits are re-engineered powered harnesses, with superscience weapons, with bronze armour of all things.

Allana: And daemon magicks.
GM: Yes, mustn’t forget the daemon magicks.

Late-period Nazca glyphs, apparently intended to bind the daemons into the armour as reinforcement. Which combined with everything else is just confusing.

Hardlight: First it was zombie cowboys, then it was ancient Chinese magic, now it’s Peruvian demons?
Flux: Yeah, I blame you.

Flux: Google Translate has killed many wizards.

Not that anybody else still living knows the Nazca language, either.

Hero Shrew OoC: No point asking me about the occult - I’ll just say something like ‘Occult? Isn’t that some kind of drinking yoghurt?’

 

With regards to Allana: somewhere in the afterlife, the shade of Nelson Riddle is belting out a certain TV theme song...

 

Major Tom 2009 

[Sundog]

If you're thinking Batman, that was actually done by Bill Dozier. Riddle took over when Dozier ceased to be available for the continuing series.

[Major Tom 2009]

Well, color me mildly embarrassed -- I had forgotten about that little detail with regards to who did the Batman theme.

 

 

Major Tom 2009 ?

[Duke Bushido]

I dislike having to do this, as I think short, punchy quotes work better, but forgive me for having to provide a bit of set-up.

 

A few weeks ago, my youth group players had gone through a scenario where they were ambushed by a food truck in a drive-by orchestrated by someone they are getting too close to.  As machine gun fire erupts from the truck, Magnificent put himself between the service window and any civilians.  Attempting to Presence Attack, he heaved the truck over his head, all the while bragging to the men inside.  He's not as bulletproof as his player thinks, and another volley of gunfire pretty much to the face laid him low, knocking him out and dropping the truck on top of him (flipped over onto its side, conveniently, as I had hoped for smarter action on the part of the player that would have resulted in the overturning of the truck anyway).

As the other characters see about securing civilians and routing those few villains who attempted to flee through the back doors, I made certain one of the bystanders announced "Oh, thank God he flipped the truck over so they can't shoot at us!"  (Remember, they are young and inexperienced.  This "attack" was intended as a chance to roll dice in an action sequence and provide a small hint as to tactics).

 

 

Tonight, later in the investigation, the heroes are at the local prison, interviewing a captured double for the man they _thought_ they had captured.  A prison transport bus arrives at the prison to take the prisoner.  Knowing the Warden had arranged for postponement until this could be sorted out, the heroes leap into action.  Essentially, the Taco Truck Incident had been planned as training for this particular scene: an armored bus with a dozen heavily armed bad guys are going to either pull of the transfer deception, or attempt to take hostages of the guards at the gate and demand the prisoner.  If all fails, they intend to shoot their way out and escape.  During the fracas, three prison guards are mortally wounded (Don't worry!  Kinetica is an actual MD, and used her skills to miraculously stabilize all the guards (seriously: I saw more natural 3s during this session than any other in my life.  And thanks to Killer Shrike, she has enough Epiphany Points to buy herself up from 13- to 15-, all in this session.  I was actually very proud of how the player got into her role: she actually cried a little bit when it was looking like she might not save the last guard).

 

I had already arranged a "visiting HERO" who was here for unrelated reasons, just in case the players needed help or advice.  Clearly, Magnificent's player had forgotten the "they can't aim through the floors" schtick of the taco truck, and visiting HERO is still too far away to .. well, to detract from the player's fun, but close enough to yell "They can't aim through the floor of the bus, Sweetie!"  (Visiting HERO is Rook: a sixty-eight year old woman with a 90 STR.  And _looks_ like she has a 90 STR!  )  The light's go on in Magnificent's player's eyes.  "All right," he says, flatly, "but if a taco window opens up on this thing I am NOT putting my face in it!"

 

[Drhoz]

Champions - Return To Edge City : Same Bat-time, Same Bat-channel
Trying to get more information regarding that demon-powered armour from last session.

GM: Ancient Peruvian demons
Allana the Bat-Moreau OoC: Who were actually Scandinavian demons on holiday.

There IS somebody in Edge City we can ask about this sort of thing - as it happens it’s the girlfriend of that woman we rescued from PSI.

Flux: This is a magic store, don’t touch anything.
Elsa: Actually, there’s nothing out here that’s dangerous. Children come in here. I mean, I’ll be annoyed if they touch stuff, but it’s not dangerous.
Flux: Oh, this is the show floor, the real stuff is out back. Well done, most magic shops don’t get that right.

Flux: Anyway, Allana here-
Hardlight: Ah ah ah, Nocturne
Flux: OK, Nocturne, or whatever she chooses to call herself. If she has a secret identity I’m impressed. Teach me your ways, oh master
Allana: Just comb your hair in the other direction and wear glasses.

GM: Uh. Hmm. Well that wasn’t a good thing to roll.
Allana: She didn’t read the book out loud, did she?
GM: She failed her Sense check, but passed her Accidental Change check. What you see is this sweet young mystic touch the demon armour and suddenly sprout batwings and a spade-ended tail.
Hardlight: BUBBLED!
Fireflash: Don’t attack the expert!

Elsa’s real appearance is even more attractive than her human form.

GM: Even Hardlight finds her attractive.
Hero Shrew OoC: And my tongue is hanging out.
Hardlight: *turning to Allana* You don’t get wingboners do you?
Allana: Thankfully no - I’d take out most of the store.
Fireflash: *swears and stomps off out of the shop*
Elsa: Is she OK?
Hero Shrew: Who?

Fireflash is outside glaring at streetlights, but not actually blasting them. As she explains to Allana, it’s down to her problems with sex - her body temperature is dangerously high when she’s aroused, and she’s 100% hetero.

Fireflash: And here’s an intelligent, incredibly attractive woman, and I feel NOTHING.
Allana: You need to find a guy who can take that kind of damage.
Fireflash: Being able to take a hit is not the same thing as not feeling it - especially around that area.
Hero Shrew: Then you need to find somebody who’s tough AND a masochist.

Elsa is explaining the situation regarding the Peruvian demons to Flux. It doesn’t sound good - especially now they’re free to make their own bodies. But whoever made the armour and did the tattoos really knew their stuff - the tattoos stopped the pilots from being possessed for one thing. The demons named on the armour are Frog the Ever-thirsting, Jaguar the Ever-hungry, and a bird demon known as the Eternal Storm. Elsa has some drawings of them. Jaguar, for example, is about the size of a house, and messily carnivorous.

Flux: Well, that’s not good.

Hardlight: Any reports of anything weird happening around Lake Effinger? Giant frogs, dropping water level?
GM: The former site of the Edge City Fusion Reactor? There’s ALWAYS weird things happening there.
Hero Shrew: Didn’t somebody see a sea serpent in there?
Hardlight: No no, that was an Atlantean.
GM: You’re both right, and both wrong - it was an Atlantean Sea Serpent.

Hero Shrew: I’m wondering whether Jaguar the Ever-hungry will just take a shortcut and possess a Jaguar-Moreau.
Allana: I was wondering the same thing.

Flux: ‘Excuse me ma’am, have you seen a giant frog around here?’
Allana: ‘Well, there’s a giant tadpole right now’

Apparently they also feed on fear. Preferably children’s fear.

Hero Shrew OoC: Clearly this is the Halloween episode.

Hero Shrew calls Simon, Madam Lil, and other Moreau community leaders, such as his boss at the titty-bar.

Hero Shrew: It miiight be nothing, but there’s a chance that any jaguar-Moreaus in the Zoo could be possessed by an ancient Peruvian demon and go hunting for children.
Fireflash: That’s not something you should preface with ‘might be nothing’

Hero Shrew OoC: Explain your plan to me in terms that Scooter will understand.
Flux: Uh…
Allana: He’s making a tricorder and I’m carving him three tuning forks.

Fireflash: If you want a real challenge, make me a dildo that won’t melt.
Elsa: Actually, I know somebody that could help you with that.
Fireflash: Who? What? Where? When?
Elsa: She’s an expert in unusual physiology. Last speciality item I heard she made was tuned to the harmonic frequencies of a woman made of stone. You can see why she wouldn’t feel much else.
Fireflash: Well, that’s one way to make the earth move.
Elsa: Her name is Dr Soma.
GM: Like I said - an expert in unusual physiologies - she just has a wide interpretation of that.

Flux is impressed by Allana’s fine motor control when carving the tuning forks from the solid metal of the armour, with her bare claws.

Flux: I’m too used to Scooter just tearing things apart.

Flux’s PKE meter reveals that it’s the Storm Bird that lost itself near the Zoo, not the Jaguar. That probably explains why it’s started raining heavily, despite the forecast.

Hero Shrew: So how do we actually stop this thing when we find it? We did ask Elsa, didn’t we? I was too busy watching cast videos.
Allana: I was going start with violence and see what works from there.

Violence works pretty well, apparently. The Eternal Storm’s new body is still basically human. Jaguar, on the other hand, is down near Lake Effinger, and has been powering up. He could, indeed, pass for a Moreau. On the other hand, the subsequent display of combat prowess, on either side, is not going to win any awards. At least until Hardlight uses his KAMEHAMEHA attack, which affects Desolid targets.

Hero Shrew: *staring incredulously at Hardlight* Wait, what????
Hardlight: I’m just as surprised as you!

The Frog Demon, despite being fully embodied, is also pretty easily subdued and banished, now we know their weaknesses.

Hardlight: ABSORB THIS! KAMEHAMEHA!
Allana: *stabbing it with the tuning fork and sending it back to the plane it originated in* This is not how I expected to end the day.

We head off to the hospital, to interrogate the pilots. Scooter and Gareth are both too busy watching more cat videos to notice that one of the nurses is wearing a non-regulation skirt, and decidedly non-regulation piercings. Fortunately, Fireflash and the others DO notice, intercept, and ask a few pointed questions.

Nurse: I’m trying to get fired.
Fireflash: I’m sure we can help with that - Allana? Would you mind checking on the pilots?
Nurse: To hell with this *summons blinding sleet to fill the corridor.*

Scooter grabs her by leg and wrist, but doesn’t throw her through the wall - this is a hospital, after all.

Fireflash: Sorry about this, Scooter *Flashbangs him and the fake nurse*

Flux considers doing something similar, but fortunately realises that if he misses, he could easily take out a load-bearing wall.

Hardlight: PHOTON PUNCH!
Hero Shrew: Should have just put us both in a bubble.
Flux: Stuck in a bubble with the party brick - that IS a good idea.
Fake Nurse: I give! I give! I was just hired by a guy in a nice suit to erase their memories!
Hardlight: Flux, can you hack her memories or something?
Flux: …
GM: Remember, this isn’t Streets of Magnimar where you actually had morals. Now you’re playing a superhero. And don’t have any.
Flux: …. I don’t have that prepped today.
Fake Nurse: Can I go now?
Flux: No.
Fake Nurse : Oh, go on.
Hero Shrew: Stop that! *shake shake shake*
Flux: Uh you OK there Scooter?
Hero Shrew: She was trying to get into my head.
Fake Nurse: I did get in - he just shook me off somehow.

We call in PRIMUS - psychic criminals are a serious threat. Unfortunately, there’s not much we can do for the pilots.

Fake Nurse: If there was anyway to fix erased memories, people would stop paying to have them erased.

Allana: I’m going to check on the pilots.
Fireflash: I’ll go tell the hospital authorities what happened.
Flux: I’m going to stay here in the corridor - I don’t want to leave the two problem children of the team guarding the prisoner.

Of course, if any of us realised that we’d just caught Talisman, a notorious super-criminal, we’d probably have taken more efforts to stop her suddenly teleporting away a few minutes later.

Fake Nurse: Well, this has been fun, but *POP*
Hero Shrew: ??!!!
Flux: *sigh, and calls PRIMUS back* Cancel the pick-up, we HAD a teleporting supercrook.
GM: THAT’s where you remember her from - that’s Talisman, Witchcraft’s sister!
Flux: *deeper sigh*

[Duke Bushido]

On October 2, 2018 at 8:34 PM, Duke Bushido said:

The team brick is pinned, unconscious, under a van filled with unconscious villains.  The rest of the team combine isn't strong enough to move the van. Kinetica has opted. To very carefully attempt to use her AOE: Line Kinetic Pulse attack to attempt to rip away part of the van while carefully avoiding Magnificent.  After two successful blasts, she has nearly torn the van in half; one more careful blast should do it. 

 

"Okay, just like before: I focus, kind of do a wind-up a couple of times, pay attention to the torn edges of the strike zone, try to--- AH, CRAP!!  Should we have gotten the bad guys out of the van first?!" 

 

 

 

I admit, I wasn't thrilled about running a youth group when I was first pressured into it, but the last six weeks have been a real hoot! 

 

 

 

 

I apologize for quoting all that and making this even longer, but it was re-visited tonight (youth group game held early as a couple of the players will not be available Sunday, and no one wanted to miss out).

 

Vector and Spocklyke (don't ask) have sent Kinetica to the last known address of a potential witness.   She super-speeds across town in just a couple of minutes, stops in the middle of the street in front of the modest duplex.  "Okay guys; I'm here.  What do I do now?"

 

Magnificent's player, OOC:  "Open fire!"

 

Game stalled for three-minute laugh break.  

 

[Christopher]

In Warhammer Fantasy, casting spells are both very powerfull, but also have some severe failure mechanics. The more dice you roll the more likely you are to succed, but the more likely you are to get the warp striking back in intersting way. Our Elven Mage Player has GM'd the System before and he told us of the anticlimatic ending of a master villain:

 

"After a long campaign the Heroes had finally cornered their advseary. This was to be the epic conclusion. As the combat had been going for a while, the villain choose to renew his armor spell. One of hte earliest spells mages got. But I rolled a failure. And ended up rolling on the "Catastrophic Chaos Manifestations" table." And at this point, I am simply going to quote the rulebook:

"Called to the Void: You are sucked into the Realm of Chaos and are forever lost. Unless you have a Fate Point to spend, it’s time to roll up a new character."

 

And now picture it from the view of the players:

A epic battle

The enemy casts a Level 1 spell

And reality just eats him, no saving throw.

[Christopher]

And as bad as the 2nd Edition Failure Magic Failure table was, the 4th Edition is even worse. Someone had preordered the books ahead of time and they finally got delivered last session.

 

 

Minor Chaos Manifestation (lowest table)

The 2nd Edition was some cosmetic stuff. The worst effets would spoil your parties food (anything in 10 yards) or reduce your magic atribute for a few minutes.

 

4th Edition Minor Manifestation Table instead has effects like this

- If any person within 1 mile gives birth within the next year, the child will be a mutant (wich in Warhammer is slightly less healthy then being a deformed birth in Sparta)

- Any plants within Magic x 100 yards dies, this includes crops

"Well, that table explains while rural villagers hate mages!"

 

 

Major Chaos Manifestation (the Medium Table)

 

In 2nd Edition had this as magic feedback:

You take 1d10 wounds, no thoughness or armor reduction applies.

 

The 4th Edittion equivalent is this:

You and every ally with 10 yards take 1d10 wounds, no thoughness or armor reduction applies. If there is no ally in range, the backlash is focussed on you and your head explodes.

 

"The mages credo: Never cast alone!"
"Well, that does explain why mages keep taking apprentices."

"Come with me Harry!" "But I am Tom." "Look, I am not going to learn every new Apprentices name. If you survive a week, I might make the effort!"

"I always call my aprentices Rod. Lightning Rod!"

[Drhoz]

Pathfinder - The Mummy's Mask : Keeping the Peace
Me: The US now has 1.2 billion pounds of excess cheese and nowhere to put it.
Hardlight’s Player: I believe the appropriate answer to that is UNDERSCONSIN

Now that our GM is over his laryngitis, we can continue dealing with the undead infesting the city of Wati. The minor priestling we saved sends us back to the main Mausoleum (thankfully not in the Necropolis) so she can get more help.

Zenobia: Would have thought that leaving the four of us to guard the gate why she goes and gets more help herself would be more sensible.
Asrian: But then she’d be abandoning her post.

Zenobia: You’ve got mobs of zombies trying to get out of the Necropolis.
Asrian: Well, not anymore.
Zenobia: They *tried* to get out of the Necropolis.

There is a shopkeeper preaching about the End of Days from on top of a stool.

Onka: We’re fully deputised, right? And he’s disturbing the peace, isn’t he?

Asrian finds a higher perch and assures the crowd that the situation IS under control. The lunatic isn’t happy, but at least we don’t have to bonk him over the head with a peacekeeping club or anything. In fact, Wati is now under sufficient control that the shopkeepers and artisans feel confident enough to re-open their doors - at least during daylight.

Nemat: What do you know, nailing the head of a Rakshasa over the city gate does discourage more from coming in.
Zenobia: We were so lucky in that fight.
Nemat: Sometimes lucky is better than good.

Random encounter time! At least there isn’t a modifier to the roll anymore, so another Rakshasa is unlikely. A horde is barreling down the street - they’re small. They have bills. They’re ducks.

Zenobia: At least they’re not geese.

Zenobia grabs one and checks its flight feathers - they’re clipped domestic ducks, and not some bizarre plague of ducks descending on Wati. They’re also pursued by horrendous amalgams of bear and crocodile. According to Nemat, they’re Esoboks, and psychopomps. So what the hells are doing in the Prime Material Plane, and why are they terrorising ducks?

Zenobia: I’ll allow that ducks are unrepentant hellbeasts, but still.

They’re probably here to feed on the undead, but they *are* causing panic. And although they supposedly intelligent, none of us can speak whatever language they use. We run along after them, warning the public to stay out the way. After all, if they have got the scent of some major undead, we will probably appreciate the help. When we catch up with them, they are indeed in combat with some kind of humanoid skeleton, half-formed from earth and soil.

We wade in after the Esoboks, and discover that one of this thing’s ability is a bite that confers bad luck. It’s also a lot more agile than something made of bones and dirt has any right to be. At least Nemat managed to smack it so hard its head spun around three or four times, and the Esobok could tear out its soul. Zenobia is suitably impressed - she can probably call down one of these Esobok things to assist during future battles.

Onka: We dealt with an undead and two psychopomps.
Zenobia: But left the ducks on their rampage.

Zenobia does find a surprise in her bed that night - it’s Asrian. Zenobia will be very happy but tired in the morning.

Nemat: You realise if Zenobia didn’t get 8 hours sleep last night you’re not getting that curse removed, right?

Asrian did insist that Zenobia blow out all the candles before she came to bed. Asrian also forgot that gnolls can see in pitch darkness anyway. But she still seemed perfectly humanoid to the joyously happy gnoll.

Asrian OoC: So you now know what Asrian looks like.
Zenobia OoC: And feels like. And tastes like.

Nemat wants to go talk to the Sphinx in the morning. Happily, both he and Zenobia can speak the language, which reduces the chance we’ll be devoured.

Asrian OoC: Or increase it if you botch Diplomacy rolls.

It doesn’t matter anyway - none of the Sphinx are in town. We go find out what problems have arisen overnight instead - apparently the old courthouse is haunted. By something carrying out its own verdicts, judging by the fresh corpses strung up outside. Every one has had their left eye removed. It’s a pretty standard ancient punishment for anything not warranting execution. Of course, these victims all died of their injuries anyway, but it’s not like they can complain about it. We enter cautiously, and find another defendant tied up and being yelled at by the master of the court, a blood red skeleton with glowing eyes.

Nemat: OBJECTION!
Judge: WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS INTERRUPTION!
Asrian: It is unseemly for the dead to preside over the living!
Nemat: You have no authority here! The Law is a living thing!
Judge: Bailiffs! Remove these people from the court!
Nemat: You wish me to speak in the defence of the living? I will do so gladly! (I AM playing a Diplomancer here)
Asrian: (And I’ll assist)
Zenobia: (And I’ll just wait over here to bash the bailiffs if they need it. )

Happily, Nemat and Asrian have exactly the skill set required to argue the judge to a legal standstill.

Zenobia OoC: “I intend to prove/beyond the shadow of a doubt/with my assistant council-” “Co-counsel, Hamilton sit down.”
Nemat: I could have solo-ed that - he’s just a judge, I’m an INQUISITOR.
GM: Congratulations, you just defeated a Dread Skeleton and his skeletal bailiffs by talking them to death.

Apparently the defendant was a merchant charged with selling the wrong kind of hat.

Nemat: That law needs to be struck from the books - that judge really missed an opportunity here.

Of course, there’s always more problems in Wati - such as somebody dragging an animated dead through the streets. We go to investigate - especially after we hear a clap of thunder from a perfectly clear sky.

Nemat: Ghost Sound. Basic illusion.
Asrian OoC: It’s the Wilhelm Scream of thunderclaps.

There’s a half-elven mage, tears streaming down her face, dragging the zombie down the street. She claims it’s her recently deceased husband, and she’s taking him to her workshop for proper resurrection. The crowd, on the other hand, would rather it destroyed immediately.

Nemat: Madam, surely you realise that the dead can only be brought back from full death? Even if you could restore his consciousness, he would live a half-life?
Zenobia: We understand your grief, but please let the church of Pharasma send him on to his eternal reward?

Nemat: Was he a good man? He has been brought back like this by whatever force means ill to Wati. Would you truly want to hurt his legacy like this?
Widow: I… I understand. Please… help him go on.
Zenobia: I swear I will make it swift and painless - you need not watch.

The elf was an instructor at the Halls of Blessed Rebirth, teaching medicine and embalming, which probably explains why she thought she could bring him back, but it was still against the rules.

Nemat: She was grieving - it’s understandable.
Zenobia: Medicine AND embalming? Either way they get paid.

Wati certainly seems to recovering, given the way the patrols stomp out any disturbances of the peace, but we still have no idea what actually happened in the Necropolis.

Zenobia OoC: But the important question is there any more commotion in Zenobia’s room tonight?
Nemat: I don’t care, I’m crafting earplugs.
Onka: Why do you need earplugs?
Nemat: My room is next to Zenobia’s - and Asrian’s room didn’t need changing this morning.

Nemat: I see I succeeded in my ‘Craft Disturbing Mental Image’ check.

Nemat spends the next day sorting out grief-counselling for people like that half-elf, Zenobia goes to buy some nice faience jewelry for her girlfriend, Asrian goes to see how her family have coped with the last few days, and the Cult of Pharasma are still trying to figure out what happened in the Necropolis, since none of their investigative teams have come back alive.

Nemat does get awoken by a bird fluttering in his face the next morning, by a bird apparently wearing a full face helmet. It’s the personal pet/psychopomp of one Ptemenib, who we saw talking to himself at the auction, and who has apparently been kidnapped by the Silver Chain, Wati’s unauthorised graverobbers.

Nemat: *sigh* Of course they did.

Nemat: *banging on Zenobia’s door* Both of you be dressed and in my room in five minutes!

Kasim, the Nosoi, can lead us to where he’s been taken. We leave a note for the innkeeper to take to the rest of the authorities.

Nemet: ‘Flappy bird, wading bird, disgruntled crocodile’

We’re led to an abandoned brickworks near Wati’s crowded harbour district. There are two people dressed as town guards posted nearby.

Asrian: Clearly someone is paying to keep it abandoned.
Kasim: Ptemenib recognised some of the Silver Chain at the auction, and followed them! And he got caught!
Guard: Sod off!
Asrian: *puts an arrow into the wall next to his ear*
Nemat: *glaring intimidatingly* We have business here.
Zenobia: Also, since my goddess requires me to give my enemies one chance, I warn you now that the Cult of Pharasma will look unfavourably on anybody accepting bribes from the Silver Chain.
GM: Well, let’s see how stupid these two are *rolls dice* Pretty stupid - they both draw punch daggers.

Nemat uses Blistering Invective.

Nemat: The original Sick Burn. I like this spell - it lets everybody know ‘I did not like this person’.

Asrian slashes the one that isn’t on fire so hard he bounces off the wall. Unfortunately a lucky stab from the guard does so much damage to Zenobia’s lover that she has to use a bunch of work with a Wand of Lesser Restoration to repair her arm. Of course, with both of the guards dead we don’t know anything about the brickworks and the Silver Chain members within.
 

[Scott Ruggels]

As someone about 2-4sessions from wrapping up The Mummy’s Mask, I am loving watching this party navigating the same encounters that we did last year. You guys are a lot nicer than we were. 

[Sundog]

Glad you're enjoying it. I have to say it's been one of the more enjoyable Adventure Paths I've tried (I'm playing Asrian al-Adjir).

[Scott Ruggels]

I played  neutral good Sorceror/Dragon disciple from Absolom, named Basileides Evreiapteryga. Generally a polite and friendly guy. Having a dwarf paladin (Kazmak)in our party cramped our rogue’s (Kaliek) style somewhat, until he found his second talent was seduction. He put the rogue into rogue. XD. The other patty members were a sarcastic cleric of Cardin Calen (Dalishter), who was always hitting us with the “Stick of Love”, and kept us on our feet, and a half elven local (Sionna) and her exceptionally beefy cheetah ( Nuru). 

 

The Mummy’s Mask is very well thought out, and has a great adventurous feel to it, and there are plenty of interesting situations.  Looking forward to more. 

[Christopher]

I got a group every 2nd Tuesday. We are playing "Engel": https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Engel_(role-playing_game)

 

The short story is this:

6 of the 7 biblical signs of the Appocalypse happened. Luckily one of them was Angels appearing. We play as those, trying to save what is left of humanity.

 

Groups are made of 5 Angels, one from each order:

Michalites: Face and Leader

Gabrielites: Fighters

Urielites: think D&D Ranger with range focus

Rameilites: Bookworms and the only ones allowed to read any langauge but common

Raphaelites: think D&D Clerics with a bit of a "vow of non-violences".

 

 

"So this game is...I wanted to say post appocalyptic, but that does not fit. The appocalypse has not yet finished. So mid-appocalyptic?"

 

Angels look interestingly. They are superhumans with wings. That look like 8-14 when arriving on earth. Except that their real age is around 2. That is how long the education after "spawning" takes.

One of the Angels had a enough of some NPC's disrespecting them. So the player slammed his hand on the tables and shotus "I have had enough of this!"

GM: "I am just trying to picture a 8 year old, banging his fist on the table demanding respect - and actually getting it."

 

Due to the dire situation of the human population, making and protecting children is a imperative of the Angelic church:

Healer Player: "Cool, I can impregnate Women."
GM: "Uh yes, if you are getting past the puperty age..."

Healer Player: "Nope, it is actually one of my powers. Lay on Hands, cause pregnancy."

Other player: "You can make a baby Jesus?"

GM: ""Among other things, nobody knows anything about Jesus anymore. Christianity in it's faccets no longer exists."
Other player: "We dealt with that old Heresy!"

 

One optional rulesystem (and the one we are using) is basically Tarot reading + GM interpretation to get the results of any action. Our Gabrielit (the Fighter Angel) picked the disadvantage "clumsy". And our first fight was in a Hut we retreated to for defensive purposes. And our Gabrielit's draw luck is just rotten that day. 2 Critical and 2 normal failures in a 4 round combat.

The combat starts with him getting his sword stuck in a beam.

Then he tries to ram a enemy into the sword - only to hurt himself.

And from there i just keeps going downhill.

Michalite player: "I think our Gabrielite is broken."

 

Experience is gained in teh form of Votive bands - one for each acomplished adventure. Literally just long scrolls/bands the Angels wrap around their body.

Player: "Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it...a flying mummy?"
Other palyer: "If we ever do see a flying mummy, we know he is a really experienced Angel."

[Netzilla]

Been a while since I last posted quotes from our Legends of the Golden Age campaign.  I'm not really sure where I left off.  Ah well, let's start at the beginning of the last story arc.

 

Our Heroes:
Amon-Ra -- An archaeologist who discovered a magical helmet that was a conduit for an anchient god of wisdom.
Faceless -- A shape-shifting FBI agent who doesn't remember what he really looks like.
Diamondback -- A wealthy socialite infused with increadible strength and toughness due to a disasterous science experiement.
Shard -- Sister to Diamondback and the author of aforementioned disasterous experiment which gave her the ability to grow and manipulate crystals.
Double-Time! -- A young lab worker who was accidentlly exposed to strange chemicals granting him increadible speed.
Professor Polar -- A scientist who discovered "cold energy" and accidentally infused himself with it.
Zoltan the Magnificent -- A stage magician who happens to also know real magic.

 

****

 

Faceless: I’ve been able to do this [use his powers] since I was just a wee lad.
Shard [excitedly]: Can I have a sample of your blood?

 

***

 

Prof Polar: So, you kicked your servants out of their home and moved yourself in?
GM: Well, her folks house doesn’t have nearly as many servants as it used to so they don’t need so much room.
Shard: And my folks wanted me and my experiments out of the house.  So, they moved me out and moved them in. . . You know, that sounds really bad.

 

***

 

Diamondback [OOC]: Why do we have so many NPCs with f****d-up lungs?

 

***

 

Diamondback: We’ve had a rather disturbing incident at one of our warehouses and I need your assistance.  [OOC] I describe the incident to Zoltan.
Zoltan: I see, I’m not much of an investigator, but I suppose I could try.
GM: Actually, he [points to Zoltan’s player] wasn’t here for the description, so you’re going to have to give it to him.
Diamondback [OOC]: I do.
Prof Polar [OOC]: No, you need to explain to the player what happened.
Diamondback [OOC; remembering that Zoltan's player arrived late]: Right!  I have to actually say it.  Gotcha.

 

***

 

Diamondback [OOC]: So, here’s the story.  I went to the first store because I wanted to get peanut butter M&Ms.  However, they didn’t have peanut butter M&Ms.  So, after I lit the store on fire for disappointing me. . .

 

***

 

GM: I was not expecting this level of slapstick, quite frankly.

 

***

 

Double-Time [OOC]: This is Vanguard, the Slapstick issue
Prof Polar [OOC]: Well, there occasionally has to be a comedy issue.

 

***

 

Prof Polar [to the Cultist they just captured]: Hey, how long have you served this 'Cult of the Naga' and how much do you know?  Are you important?
Cultist [ranting]: I serve the Great Serpent.  I will be greatly rewarded when you are all destroyed!
Prof Polar: Right, so you’re not that important.  You’re just the local--
Cultist:  I will have POWER beyond anything you could dream of!
Prof Polar: Yeah.  You’re the toenail trimmer.  Got it.

 

***

 

Amon-Ra: I’m going to need your tailor to change my skivvies.
Diamondback: That’s an inappropriate use of our tailor.
Amon-Ra: My costume doesn’t have pockets.  So, I figured he could do something about that.
GM [OOC]: Ancient gods of abstract concepts don’t really think of pockets..

 

***

 

Zoltan [imitating Amon-Ra]: I stole these magic artifacts fair and square.

 

***

 

Faceless: I don’t even want to know where the pretty pink ribbons come from.
Zoltan: You really don’t. . . You ever see what happens when a cat eats tinsel off a Christmas tree?

 

***

 

Prof Polar: If I were to establish a cult like this, people who didn’t have the intelligence to keep their mouth shut about the cult would not be people I used for recruiting.  I would enforce that by brutally murdering someone who had committed a small infraction. . .
GM: But that’s how you want to deal with every problem employee.
Prof Polar: Yes, but if I was organizing a cult to end the world, I wouldn’t just want to.

 

***

 

Amon-Ra [reluctantly]: I promise not the burn the [abandoned church] down until we’ve gotten any innocents out.

 

***

 

Prof Polar: We have murderers on the loose.  I don’t like that.

 

***

 

Double-Time [imitating Faceless] -- I’m going to need his clothes, the knife, some cocaine and 2 gallons of red paint. . .

 

***

 

Diamondback [OOC]: “Samuel” sounds like a cultist name.  If it were a cult of bros, I’d have gone with “Biff”.

 

***

 

Amon-Ra: The ancient writings on the altar are likely a conduit of power to the Outer Dark. . .
Zoltan: Condom of power?
Shard: Did you say condom?
Amon-Ra: Conduit!

[and now we're completely OOC]
GM: Condiment!  A condiment from the Outer Dark.
Zoltan: Yes, I’ll take the ketchup, please!
Double-Time:  No, we’re trying to put a condom on the conduit.
Diamondback: Why is there a condom full of ketchup?!
Double-Time: That’s not. . .ketchup.
Diamondback: You should really see a doctor, then.
Zoltan: I think that’s passed doctor stage!
Diamondback: This scene went down-hill really fast.
Prof Polar: Yes t did.

 

[I wonder just how many of our sessions devolve into dirty Abbot & Costello routines?!]

 

***

 

Double-Time [OOC]: We are the Vanguard of Prophylactics.
GM [OOC]: We are the Prophylactics of Justice!

 

***

 

Faceless:  There ain't nobody in here except one scary-ass altar.
Zoltan: Describe the altar.

Double-Time: Scary-ass!
Zoltan: But what kind of ass?
Double-Time:  Scary!
Zoltan: Ah.
Faceless: Yeah, that whole ‘burn it with fire’ thing?  I’m down.

[DusterBoy]

Not my best but from last week's D&D campaign.

 

A little background.... One of the characters,  Strings (Axel's PC), was told to get out of town by a friend he's trying to rescue. However Strings ignores this and we wind up having to sneak out of town because we've drawn way too much of the wrong attention. This means my character, the half-orc champion gladiator, Garshak, nick-named "the Mighty", can't now star iin the arena as he intended and he's going to have to let down a lot of people. (I tend to find I have fans wherever I go.) When he figures this out, he's not best pleased, leading to this little exchange:

 

Garshak, pointing a thick finger at Strings: "Later, when we're away from here, you and I are going to have words"

Strings: "Sorry, this is all my fault"

Garshak, still not pleased at the thought of missing out on the glory and the cash he could have won: "Yes, it is"

 

And, because my sense of humour works like this, I OOC had Garshak send out this "tweet": "Sorry, I had intended to appear in the arena today, but I've fallen in with lunatics and have had to cancel. #BlameStrings."

 

Not the caliber of Ian or McGinty's antics, but it got a laugh from the rest of the party at the time, especially the notion of a half-orc gladiator having a twitter account.

(Also #BlameLorgar" had been going around in my head that day, so....)

[Christopher]

Warhammer Fantasy 2nd Edition

 

Cast:

Jotunn Ironbeart; Dwarven Marine

Ilumaris of House Silverness; Elvish mage taught in Altdorf.

Don Philipe [add 4 more names I forgdt]; Estalian Diestory (think Spanish Fencer and minor Nobility)

Ralf Bloem; Manaan Priest from Marienburg

 

The group is in the employ of the Elven Prince Arathion, on a quest to measure out leylines and find an artifact in the Far South to make a ritual agaisnt Chaos.

 

For convoluted reasons, we found ourself in an Alternate world. The world of "Im Shatten des Neumonds". An old comic from 1990. I can not even find it on Wikipedia/some other english source.

In this world the industrial revolution backfired, removing any surface water and turning the rain permanently acidic. Certain subhuman species are bred like animals (and in part eaten like those). And the ruler of Paris is a certain Prince "Neumond", because he knows how to make water from the rain. We needed something from him - liquid orichalcum - so we have no other way but to go on a party with him. As his world lacks both elves and dwarves and we made the aquaintance of some local nobles, we are even invited.

"He who controls the water, controls the world!"

 

The group is introduced to the higher scoeity:

"Don Philipe Alehandro del a Montalban, of Estalia."

"Illumaris of the House Silverness, elf of Ulthuan."

"Jotunn Ironbeart and Ralf Bloem"

Ralf: "I feel like we are under-anouced."

Jotunn: "I have the feeling nobility invents all those titles as a form of d**k measuring contest."

 

It quickly turns out that the party involves a lot of hard drugs. And then turns into a outright orgy. The priest goes for it as Manaan has no Celibacy. The Dwarf manages to resist it. The part where Willpower checks are needed to not partake in it are realy noticeable.

Jotunn OCC: My character feels to happy. That is un-dwarfish. Something is not right here.

 

Meanwhile the Diestoro - having literally the subclass "Duelist" but with a player very conscious of fighting -  is roped into being the standing in during a duel of Honor. He wins and ask for the status:

Don Philipe: "Where is everyone?"

Jotunn: "I have not seen the Elf in a while. You are here. And the priest is in the middle of someone right now."
Ralf OOC: "I am somewhere in that blob of bodies."

Ilumaris OOC: *turns on sexy music on the phone*

 

While the two humans are busy partiying and the dwarf Sailor felt out of place, the Elven Organized the McGuffin. We manage to leave the party - and this world - behind. Just after we learned who those Canapees were made from. But in the next session, the bill became due...

[BoloOfEarth]

Last night, the heroes of Just Cause finished up a run against the vampire minions of Duchess du Coudray.  She planned to use the ichor-stained stake that killed her undead husband (back in the 1800s) as part of a ritual to bring him back to unlife.  For maximum effect, the ritual has to take place at the location where he was killed (on the roof of the east tower of a local mansion-turned-event-venue) on the anniversary of the Duke's demise (November 8 at 4 pm).

 

Circe:  Wait, four in the afternoon?  Outside?  Seems to me that's a bad idea for vampires.

Malarky:  I'm checking the calendar whether there's any eclipses scheduled that day.

GM:  Nope, no upcoming solar eclipses.

Malarky:  They're probably just going to make one happen.

 

The players learned that the duchess recently met with Attache (a lieutenant in the Boston VIPER Nest) and Heidi Gold (aka Aurum of the Valkyries, aka the Norse demigodess Gullveig, a frequent thorn in the heroes' sides).

 

Circe:  I hate when our enemies get together.

 

The heroes learn that VIPER is going to carry out a bunch of crimes across the city to tie up the heroes and PRIMUS while the duchess performs her ritual.

 

Malarky:  Well, we've helped out a bunch of other hero teams before.  Like those heroes who ended up stuck back in time...

GM:  The Philadelphia Guard.  Yeah, they owe you one.  There's also those Montana heroes, Hard Line, who you helped restore their lost powers. 

Pops:  And don't forget Rhode Island Red. 

Malarky:  We're going to contact them all, see if they can help us out around the 8th.  Let them deal with VIPER, and we can kick the duchess' a**.

 

At 3:45 pm, to everybody's surprise except Just Cause, a huge chunk of Boston, a 2 km radius, is subject to an impromptu solar eclipse.  At that time, groups of VIPER agents and robots start hitting banks, jewelry stores, tech companies, etc. but the visiting heroes jump in to handle that.  The PC heroes have been keeping the mansion under surveillance, with Shadow Boxer, invisible and desolid, using his shadow-sight to keep an eye on the rooftop, while the rest of the  team waits out of sight in a nearby building.

 

GM (to Shadow Boxer):  Where are you hiding?

Shadow Boxer:  Inside that chimney.

Honey Badger:  Inside the chimney?  He's a chimney sweep!  Step-in-time! (starts singing the chimney sweep song from Mary Poppins)

 

The duchess and four of her lesser vampire thralls float down to the tower rooftop, having mysteriously appeared in mid-air 30 meters up.  Still hovering about 10m up is a scary-looking figure - a banshee.  Shadow Boxer can see through his shadow sight that the duchess is holding what looks like an ichor-stained stake -- as are each of the four lesser vampires.  The rest of the team is aware of all this through their Mind Link.

 

Circe:  Maybe they're planning to raise a whole bunch of old vampires.

Malarky:  Or they're decoys.  Well, I have a spell to transform wood into dust.  No reason I cant make it Area of Effect.  (rolls to alter his magical Variable Power Pool)

 

As the heroes wait to make their move, the rooftop door opens and four young women, looking like they're in a trance, come walking out.  Each goes to stand beside a lesser vampire.

 

Circe:  Who are they?

Pops:  The Duke's lunch.  I'm sure he'll be hungry when he comes back.

 

The heroes teleport onto the rooftop and the fight is begun!  One of the lesser vamps is sent flying, but the others grab three of the entranced women and leap onto the crenelated wall of the tower roof, holding the women over the side. 

 

GM:  If they let go, it'll be a five-story fall.
Malarky:  They'll survive.  Probably.  And I can heal their injuries.

 

Luckily, Pops burns a ton of END to teleport all four women downstairs into the building.  Meanwhile, Honey Badger and Shadow Boxer tag-team the Banshee, which ends up (barely) in SB's TK Grab.  This enrages the duchess, who orders her minions to take out Shadow Boxer.  They pull out energy pistols and open fire.

 

GM:  What's your DCV?

Shadow Boxer:  12.

GM:  Twelve?!

Shadow Boxer:  Yeah, last time we fought they had laser pistols.  I don't do so well against light-based attacks.  So I put everything on DCV.

 

More to follow...

[BoloOfEarth]

As the heroes fight, someone climbs up the ladder from the building roof to the tower roof. 

 

GM:  This is what my daughter was apologizing for suggesting to me.  He looks like a bad Elvis impersonator, complete with the white sequined jumpsuit.  And fangs.

Maker:  Vampire Elvis?!

Vampire Elvis:  Fang you.  Fang you very much.  (turns to Circe)

Well, curse-a my soul, what's a-wrong with me,

I'm itching like a bat on a fuzzy tree.

My friends say I'm acting wild as a wolf.

I'm in love, huh, I vant your blood...

Maker:  Someone take him down.  Now!  (OOC)  Your daughter should apologize.  She should know better than to give you ideas like that.

 

The duchess' white mage (invisible to sight and hearing groups and radar) tries to dispel the extra magical defenses Malarky gave his teammates, but falls just shy.  Malarky (not knowing the details of the mage's veil spell) switches his magic pool to give him Active Sonar.  While he still doesn't locate the white mage, he does notice something large hovering about 30m over the tower.  It's a cloaked VIPER Cockatrice flying personnel carrier.

 

Shadow Boxer:  That's how the duchess and her friends got so close!  Crap!  Someone needs to take that thing out before it opens fire, or I'm toast!

GM:  Why?  The Cockatrice doesn't have any weapons.

Shadow Boxer:  Oh, I thought it was that thing with the 5d6 RKA laser. 

GM:  Nope.  The flying APC is totally unarmed.  (pause)  Though the five Air-Cav agents flying out of it are carrying laser rifles...

 

Despite the big-bad Duchess, the nasty Banshee, and the invisible White Mage all being nastier threats, three of the seven heroes (Maker, Circe, and Nexus) concentrate their attacks on Vampire Elvis.  Each attack provokes a new song from him.

 

Vampire Elvis:  You ain't nothing but a blood hound, dyin' all the time.

You ain't nothing but a blood hound, dyin' all the time.

Well, you ain't never been bitten

And you ain't no friend of mine.

 

Since the duchess bit me,  I've found a new place to dwell,

Down at the end of Lifeless Street at Undead Hotel, oh baby.

You make me so hungry, baby.  I feel so hungry.

No matter how hungry, I can't die.

 

Well it's one for the money,  two for the show, three to get ready, now go bat go,

But don't you step on my blood red shoes.  You can do anything but lay off my blood red shoes!

You can stake my heart, stick a cross in my face, spray holy water all over the place.

Do anything that you wanna do, but uh, huh, honey lay off of them shoes...

 

Maker:  Aaargh!  Make him stop! 

 

The heroes finally put Vampire Elvis down.

 

Vampire Elvis:  Elvis has... left the building...  (thud)