Quote of the Week from my gaming group...

[Archon]

My new wizard in a D&D game is a provisional member of the party.  After I use burning hands and fry 4 zombies at once, Ina, the rogue, says, "Now, can we keep him?"

[Cancer]

"When trying to make a deal with minotaurs, remember it's pronounced 'Minnow-TORE', not 'Minnow-TARD'."

[Ragitsu]

"You want to treat my woman like a princess? I'll treat your wife like a queen."

 

or

 

"Keep running with the wrong crowd and you'll eventually run into a six-foot ditch."

[Ragitsu]

"'He can talk his way out of any problem', you said. You said that."

"Well, yes. He can talk his way out of any problem...into a larger problem."

[Drhoz]

The Lord-Mayor Barzillai Thrune, erstwhile master of Kintargo, has a slight problem - if he sticks his head outside, he’s likely to lose it. The Ghosts of Kintargo, with the help of their many allies, have made his position completely untenable. Admittedly the Temple of Asmodeus isn’t a smoking crater yet, but we’ve had other priorities. Without the threat of the dragon Rivozair to back them out, the Dotarri have been routed, and the only part of Kintargo not in open rebellion is the Temple District, which has barricaded itself off from the rest of the city. Rumour has it that Thrune has fled the city, or more likely is holed up in the temple.

 

Terzo: I look forward to sending him back to Egorian to explain what happened in person.
Ayva: Well, sure, that’s something we could do. If we were nice enough people to send him there alive.
Terzo: Oh, believe me, sending him to explain things to his cousin isn’t nice. It really, really isn’t.

 

The Glorious Reclamation continues to burn through the western end of the country - and has recently taken the city of Westcrown. That’s probably a major reason why Her Infernal Majestrix Abrogail II hasn’t sent any reinforcements way over here to Kintargo. Plus,of course, we collapsed the only connecting mountain path, and have an alliance with the local sea elves that ensures any new Chellish navy ships en route will have problems. Perhaps Civilla can suggest the method her cousin the Pirate Lord uses to harass his nemesis, and have all their rudders stolen. Repeatedly. 

 

The Hellknight Order of the Rack actually survived their confrontation with Barzillai, and publicly declared him a traitor. They’ve been launching attacks on the temple, but the Asmodeans have it locked down tight. Their Paralictor Kyrre Ekodyre actually sent an envoy to meet us, and can coordinate their next attack to get us into the building, if we’re willing. Rajira’s spy network gets us a pretty good map of the layout of the Temple.

 

Since the markets have re-opened, the city’s merchants are offering our heroes half-price on everything. Which is all well and good, but the Ghosts of Kintargo have never been particularly flush with cash - unlike many historical rebellions we haven’t taken the opportunity for mass looting.

 

Molly Mayapple: Wait, you’ve done all this and you don’t have any money?

 

The interim government (us, and our allies) does impose a small tax on anybody trying to leave town with suspiciously large amounts of valuable furniture and other family heirlooms - those noble families who didn’t contribute to the rebellion earlier won’t get to just sneak away now it looks like Thrune is doomed. Only the other hand we have some quite skilled crafters and arcanists in our organization already, and access to a Hyperbolic Time Chamber. Civilla realises in time that she can’t take Shimza in with her since it would be inconvenient for her to come back out eight months pregnant.

 

Ayva: Timeless demiplanes only last until one of the gods goes ‘quit it’ and flicks you out, or a Time Dragon shows up and says ‘stop that or I’ll eat you’.

 

Civilla also plans to set up another Timeless Demiplane as a trap for anybody that tries to follow her in. A dead magic zone that will trap enemies for eternity.

 

Civilla: Did you bring food?

 

Of course fighting a dragon while wearing ball gowns under a pillar of silver light did attract a lot of favorable attention - we have hundreds of people wanting to join our organisation.

 

Rajira: Everybody wants in on the act.
Avya: I'm already painting the scene. 

 

Among a variety of items for her fellow Ghosts of Kintargo, Civilla has made a Cape of the Mountebank, and Nightmare Boots, for Terzo. Being about to teleport about in bursts of smoke and flame will be dramatic.

 

Ayva: Disregard the smoking - she is not, in fact, intending to set your feet on fire despite what you said to her the other day. 
Civilla: I thought a… theatrical… person like you would appreciate them.
Terzo: Quite. Especially when I combine it with Blistering Invective. 

 

Civilla also completes the next stage of building her Hag coven. 

 

Civilla: So, I can now cast Animate dead, baleful polymorph, blight, bestow curse, clairaudience/clairvoyance, charm monster, commune, control weather, dream, forcecage, mind blank, mirage arcana, speak with dead, veil, vision, disguise other and fog cloud. Oh, and Reincarnate. At Will. With no cost.
Ayva OoC: You F***.

 

She can also summon an Immense Tortoise, in any flavour. And then Enlarge it and make it Fly.

Civilla: I do tend towards Good.
Terzo OoC: Well, Gamera is Friend To All Children. Does this mean we can trash the Temple of Asmodeus without even going in?
Civilla: …. Yes. Just moving around.

 

It can also Smite Evil. 

 

Tortoise Kaiju: You. Barzillai. 
Barzillai: RUN.

 

Ayva: A cup of good red wine for each coven member in this ritual is going to add up to a lot of wine. A monumental p***-up.
Terzo: I can recommend some good vintages.
Civilla: You’re not invited. 

 

The partying in the streets goes on for about a week, as does Civilla’s abuse of time manipulation and artificing. We want to be sure we have all the magical items and allies lined up for our assault on the Temple, and battery of Barzallai, and it’s not like he’s going anywhere. Until late one night everybody in town is awoken by a sound none have heard in decades: the Infernal Bells in the belfry of the Temple of Asmodeus peal deafeningly, and erupt in a pillar of glowing black light to match the silver light from the Opera House.

 

Civilla: Fine. I'm definitely Kaiju-ing this thing. Well, that or Animate Dream. 
GM: *looks it up* …. Oh.
Civilla: Basically it’s a Living Nightmare.
Ayva: It’s the kind of thing hags are known to summon. And occasionally some bas**** deserves it.

 

Barzillai will literally know no rest.
 

[Weldun]

Drhoz missed the small fact that Civilla has also created Waxwork Constructs that have lit candle wicks on each hand, each crafted to resemble someone who died in the rebellion. One for each person.
They are called "The Unforgotten" and their sole purpose is to carry the name and a brief description of who that person was, as a variation of lighting a candle for the fallen.