[Humour]SciFi TV Quotes

[Curufea]

Some favourite quotes from shows. Suitable for use in a science fiction roleplaying game (well, that's my excuse for posting them, anyway)

[Curufea]

Re: [Humour]SciFi TV Quotes

 

Blake's 7 Quotes

 

Avon: I'm not expendible, I'm not stupid, and I'm not going!

 

Avon: Logic says we're dead.

Blake: Logic has never defined what dead is.

 

Cally: On my planet there is a saying -- the man who trusts can never be betrayed, only mistaken.

Avon: Life expectancy must be fairly short among your people.

 

Travis: He has one reliable flaw -- loyalty.

 

Blake: Do you agree?

Avon: Do I have a choice?

Blake: Yes.

Avon: Then I agree.

 

Vila: Blake would've been proud of you, you know.

Avon: I know, but then he never was very bright.

 

Avon: Regret is part of being alive

 

Avon: Sentiment breeds weakness, let it get hold of you and you are dead.

 

Avon: I have never understood why it is necessary to become irrational in order to prove that you care, or why it should be necessary to prove it at all.

 

Vila: I think I have just made the biggest mistake of my life.

Orac: It is unlikely. I would predict there are far greater mistakes waiting to be made by someone with your obvious talent for it.

 

Vila: There is something very suspicious about a man who keeps his booze under lock and key.

 

Vila: This is stupid.

Avon: When did that ever stop us.

 

Vila: I've got this shocking pain right behind the eyes.

Avon: Have you considered amputation?

 

Orac: I am not interested in trying to compensate for your amazing lack of observation.

 

Orac: A statement of fact cannot be insolent.

 

Cally: May you die alone and silent.

 

Vila: What did I do to deserve this?

Avon: How long a list would you like?

 

Avon: They're unfriendly. Which is fortunate really; they'd be difficult to love.

 

Avon: I have never taken things on trust. I see no reason to make an exception in the case of a mysterious area of danger.

 

Vila: Why should I find nothing frightening?

 

Servalan: Hope is very dangerous.

 

Avon: Staying with you requires a degree of stupidity of which I no longer feel capable.

Blake: Now you're just being modest.

 

Avon: They don't like humanoids in general and homo sapiens in particular. That puts their intelligence in no doubt.

 

Avon: We've come at the worst possible time -- of course.

 

Blake: What went wrong?

Avon: I relied on other people.

 

Avon: Luck has nothing to do with it.

 

Blake: I don't think I want to kill for your entertainment.

 

Blake: I've seen friends die.

 

Avon: You just don't get off a spaceship and run.

 

Avon: They would have to destroy the evidence -- and that would include us.

 

Avon: He was calling me a machine, but since he undoubtably defines himself as a human being, I shall chose to accept that as more of a complement than anything else.

 

Avon: It's the one talent we all share -- even you. (to Vila, on dying)

 

Avon: It is frequently easier to be honest when you have nothing to lose.

 

Cally: Blake will return.

Avon: You can bet your life on it. In fact, you've just bet both our lives on it.

 

Avon: Personally, I don't care if the whole planet turns into a mushroom. I shall stay because I don't like an unsolved mystery.

 

Avon: Raffert was dying. It's difficult to be neat under those circumstances.

 

Blake: For what it's worth, I've always trusted you from very the beginning.

 

Vila: Leave me a torch -- I like to see what I'm scarred of.

 

Vila: There isn't a lock I can't open -- if I'm scared enough.

 

Vila: Good, terrific, I'm really looking forward to this. Danger, excitment, sudden death. I can't wait.

 

Avon: Doesn't it make you feel good to be wanted?

Vila: I've been a wanted man all my life. What I need now is to be unwanted.

 

Avon: It would be stupid to be shot up by our own allies.

Vila: Not only stupid -- painful.

 

Vila: See, the old magic's still there

Avon: The old ego too.

 

Avon: You don't get another guess.

 

Avon: Waste any more time and you won't get any older.

 

Del Grant: You expect me to believe that?

Avon: Not particularly. But it happens to be the truth.

 

Avon: If there had ever been a time when I could have given my own life to save her I would have done it.

 

Avon: Blake is an idealist; he cannot allow himself to think.

 

Travis: I thought you were the one with brains.

Avon: Brains. But no heart.

 

Dayna: You killed someone he loved.

Vila: And there aren't many of them about. Avon's not a very loveable man.

 

Avon: Trust is only dangerous when you have to rely on it.

 

Shrinker: Why should I trust you?

Avon: Because I have the gun!

 

Avon: I'm a man of my word. In the end, that's all there is really.

 

Servalan: Go to hell, Avon.

Avon: Probably.

 

Vila: I am entitled to my own opinion.

Avon: Yes, but it's your constant assumption that everyone else is also that's so annoying.

 

Avon: The Plain Man's Guide to Alien Invasion.

 

Avon: That's like talking to Vila -- a complete waste of time.

 

Avon: On Earth it is considered ill mannered to kill your friends while committing suicide.

 

Avon: It's a question of intelligence -- so your opinion has very little relevance.

 

Avon: Never argue with a computer.

 

Avon: Justify 'stupid'.

 

Clonemaster: Does he always kill when taken by surprise?

 

Avon: There is no rational basis for the concept you call luck.

 

Blake: By all means -- let's be careful.

 

Avon: Gung ho.

 

Avon: I said it was our only chance -- I did not say it was a good one.

 

Vila: What's the point of being famous if you can't get a last minute booking?

 

Avon: I would prefer something a little more reliable than hope.

 

Servalan: While there's life, there's threat.

 

Avon: 'Just try trusting me' -- that's weak even by his standards.

 

Vila: I plan to live forever, ... or die trying.

 

Jenna: I don't think he likes you somehow.

Avon: I think I may have to reprogram this machine.

Jenna: That still won't make you likable.

 

Blake: Handgun?

Avon: It's a bit elaborate for a toothpick.

Blake: Depends on how elaborate their teeth were.

 

Blake: Does it support intelligent life?

Avon: Does the Liberator?

 

Avon: Prized by collectors.

Blake: People collect odd things.

Jenna: Look what you ended up with.

 

Vila: I have a weak chest.

Avon: The rest isn't too impressive.

 

Avon: First sign of trouble, we get ought, right?

Jenna: That goes without saying.

Avon: I only wish it did.

 

Avon: Imagine you're standing on the edge of a cliff.

Blake: As long as you're not standing behind me.

 

Blake: Are you all right?

Avon: All I'll admit is that I'm alive.

 

Vila: If there's a showdown between them, my money's on Blake. Well, half of it. The other half is on Avon.

 

Avon: They have a sentimental value for me.

Largo: Family owned?

Avon: No, I'm just sentimental about money.

 

Vila: Where are all the good guys?

Gan: Could be looking at them.

Avon: What a depressing thought.

 

Vila: I never had the chance. I chose the wrong parents.

 

Vila: When Avon holds out a hand in friendship, watch the other one. That's the one with the hammer.

 

Servalan: There's no one as free as a dead man.

 

Avon: He's definitely not normal, not even for Blake.

 

Avon: You can trust so few people these days.

 

Vila: There's not a volcano alive that would eat Avon.

 

Servalan: But first, there is the matter of that degrading and primitive act you subjected me to in the control room... I would like you to do it again.

 

Servalan: I don't think of you as an enemy, Avon. I see you as a... future friend.

 

Avon: I'm assuming you don't have any tedious scruples against lying and cheating?

Tarrant: No.

Avon: Oh, good.

 

Vila: Avon's idea of diplomacy is breaking someone's leg and saying 'lean on me'.

[Curufea]

Re: [Humour]SciFi TV Quotes

 

Andromeda Quotes

 

Tyr: We are blind and crippled, if Andromeda were my child, I'd drown it

 

Tyr: I'd say let God sort them out - Except someone told me he's dead! [Laugh]

Dylan: Nietzchean humour.. huh

 

Tyr: Now can we blow them up?

 

Tyr: I wish you would stop looking for beauty in things that want to kill us.

 

Rommie: Captain on deck!

Beka: I'll alert the media.

 

Beka: Robbed of my superpowers, I will have to rely on mere human ingenuity.

 

Trance: And you know why? Cause I could get away with it. Because I'm cute!

 

Gerentex: Aren't you dead?

Trance: I got better.

Gerentex: Hhmm. Lucky you.

 

Andulasia: Shhhh. I prefer my men strong and silent.

Trance: Well then, you won't like Harper.

 

Harper: Any thoughts, your purpleness?

Trance: Signs are hazy- ask again later.

 

Dylan: Fire team Bravo asked me to tell you that they have a better plan .. . They wanna go home.

 

Dylan: Why ruin the day with a lot of unnecessary bleeding and screaming?

 

Rev Bem: As Harper would say- that would suck.

 

Beka: So why is it whenever anyone goes on a suicide mission they take my ship?

Dylan: Because it has seat belts.

 

Beka: She hates you.

Harper: I know. She's hot, *and* she's a good judge of character.

 

Harper: So what if she holds me in utter contempt? At least she's thinking of me.

 

Dylan: There's only one way to deal with terrorists- locate their base of operations and destroy them.

Tyr: I love that answer, Captain Hunt.

 

Harper: I don't usually believe in omens and stuff, but there's only so many times you can almost get killed in the middle of the same sentence before you catch a hint.

 

Computer: Safety overides prevent detonation of proximity mines

Beka: Command overide - Shut up and do it!

Computer: Command overide code accepted

 

Harper: Is this the part were we run bravely away?

 

Harper: Harper saves the world, take one

 

Harper: Trust in the Harper, the Harper is good

 

Harper: Now do I rule or do I rule?

 

Harper: The deck drips with the guts of the unworthy but hark, I have given life and form to the first time travelling fruit in the history of the Universe

 

Harper: Lucky for you, I'm a freaking genius.

 

Harper: Well, we came, we saw, we got spanked.

 

Harper: Opening the hanger doors, and deactivating aft point defenses. Oh look, we're a target now.

 

Harper: You know, up until now, life on the Andromeda has been like a first class hotel, with thrill rides.

 

Harper: Not Tyr. Overbearing, self-righteous, vain, vicious, brutal, way to serious, and a little big, but eccentric? No.

 

Harper: Well that`s really sad that a whole world had to die, but you look great.

 

Harper: I can`t believe I`m going to die at the hands of converging red blips.

 

Harper: That unfamiliar sound you hear is me exhaling with relief.

 

Harper: Oh, you want to make them feel overconfident? I got an idea. Why dont we let them paralyze us, bind us to the wall, and infect us with their Magog eggs! Oh gee, we did that already. Boy, we got them right where we want them!

 

Beka: Uh- weirdness. Incoming.

 

Trance: You'll have to excuse us, it's just that we've never met anyone who could blow up a sun before.

 

Harper: Ah, my favorite book. Chapter twelve, paragraph eight, verse three: the universe hates you. Deal with it.

 

Rev Bem: Another of the universe's little jokes . . . at our expense.

 

Tyr: You know . . . I can cook too.

 

Beka: I read the first officer's job description- playing devil's advocate is on page three.

[Michael Hopcroft]

Re: [Humour]SciFi TV Quotes

 

Some Doctor Who Quotes:

 

The Doctor: What's the fun of being a grownup if you can't be childish?

 

Leela: Enjoy your death as I have enjoyed killing you!

 

The Brigadier: I'm pretty sure it's Croydon.

 

The Doctor: get back!

Tegan: What about you?

The Doctor; My arms are only this long. I can't get any further back.

 

The Doctor: I am the Doctor, whether you like it or not.

 

Borusa: You will never get anywhere in this Universe as long as you retain your propensity for vulgar facetiousness.

 

The Doctor: It's based on a complex scientific principle known as "put luck".

 

The Doctor: You've squashed my favorite Beatles!

Vicki: I've been to their memorial theatre in Liverpool, but I didn't know they played classical music.

 

Ace: well, we're alive, which is more than I can say for King Arthur the Freeze-Dried.

 

The Master: I am the Master. You will obey me.

Peri: Yeah? Well, I'm Perpugilliam Brown, and I can shout as loud as you can!

 

Doctor #3: it's difficult to explain. You see, I am him and he is me.

Jo: And we are all together, goo goo goo joob?

Doctor #3: what is that?

Jo: it's a song by the beatles.

Doctor #2: Really? How's it go? (taking out his recorder)

 

The Brigadier: Splendid fellows -- all of them.

 

Captain of the Pirate Planet: By the left frontal lobe of the Sky Demon, Mister Fibuli!

 

Chessene: There was nothing useful. Her mind was full of her relgion.

Shockeye: bah! I am not interested in the beliefs of primitives, only in what they taste like.

Chessene: In some ways, Shockeye, you are a complete primitive yourself.

 

The Doctor: Well, you look better for a bath and change of clothes. You shoud do it more often.

 

The Doctor: The Rani wants to kill me. All Mel would do is give me carrot juice.

Mel: The real Doctor must have told you that! it's his favorite drink!

The Doctor: Favorite? I hate it!

 

The Doctor: We'll try the Great lakes of Pandatoria next. the fishing there is exquisite. And the Panditorian Conga! It's longer than your railway trains.

[austenandrews]

Re: [Humour]SciFi TV Quotes

 

"There is nothing more useless than a lock with a voice print."

[Dr. Anomaly]

Re: [Humour]SciFi TV Quotes

 

Blake's 7 Quotes

 

Avon: I'm not expendible, I'm not stupid, and I'm not going!

Actually, I believe Vila said that, not Avon; Haven Walkur's the real Blake's 7 fan I know, though, so I'll have to check with her.

[Michael Hopcroft]

Re: [Humour]SciFi TV Quotes

 

That's Vila all over.

[Curufea]

Re: [Humour]SciFi TV Quotes

 

No, I watched "Horizon" again recently - having just bought the season two DVDs. Definitely Avon.

 

Although I quite like the quote from Destiny after he punches the murderess, but I didn't include it because it needs context-

Avon: You'd better take her away, I rather enjoyed that.

 

Anyhow, from Horizon-

 

GAN Well, It'd be stupid to go on my own. And you wouldn't want to send Cally in your place, would you?

VILA Probably not. What about you?

AVON What about me?

VILA Why don't you go?

AVON YOU are expendable.

VILA And you're not?

AVON No, I am not. I am not expendable, I'm not stupid, and I'm not going.

GAN I'll get the guns.

from http://www.hermit.org/Blakes7/Episodes/scripts/Horizon.html

[Dr. Anomaly]

Re: [Humour]SciFi TV Quotes

 

No, I watched "Horizon" again recently - having just bought the season two DVDs. Definitely Avon.

 

Although I quite like the quote from Destiny after he punches the murderess, but I didn't include it because it needs context-

Avon: You'd better take her away, I rather enjoyed that.

 

Anyhow, from Horizon-

 

GAN Well, It'd be stupid to go on my own. And you wouldn't want to send Cally in your place, would you?

VILA Probably not. What about you?

AVON What about me?

VILA Why don't you go?

AVON YOU are expendable.

VILA And you're not?

AVON No, I am not. I am not expendable, I'm not stupid, and I'm not going.

GAN I'll get the guns.

from http://www.hermit.org/Blakes7/Episodes/scripts/Horizon.html

Okay, thanks! It's been a long time since I watched any Blake's 7, and that just sounded more like Vila than Avon to me.

[Curufea]

Re: [Humour]SciFi TV Quotes

 

It's all good

 

VILA I hope you can trust him.

AVON I told you, he's a friend of mine.

VILA Yes, I always knew you had a friend. I used to say to people "I bet Avon's got a friend, somewhere in the galaxy".

AVON And you were right. That must be a novel experience for you.

[shem_whistler]

Re: [Humour]SciFi TV Quotes

 

Dr. Who

 

Dr. - Pleased to meet you Rose, run for your life!

 

B5

 

Marcus - You see, it's like I've always said: 'You can get more with a kind word and a two-by-four than you can with just a kind word

 

Voyager

 

Dr. - Someone's stolen Neelix's lungs.

 

Hmm, not sure if that last one is supposed to be funny.......

[Curufea]

Re: [Humour]SciFi TV Quotes

 

I'd say it's as funny as space amazons stealing Spock's brain to power their society

[Lord Mhoram]

Re: [Humour]SciFi TV Quotes

 

Another Andromeda quote - liekly paraphrased, as it is coming from memory.

 

Tyr: After the heat death of the universe there will be three survivors, Tyr Anasazi, Dylan Hunt and the Cockroaches. And Hunt will be trying to help the cockroaches.

[Michael Hopcroft]

Re: [Humour]SciFi TV Quotes

 

More Doctor Who:

 

Countess Scarlioni: I brought you here to find out why you stole my braclet.

The Doctor: Well, that's my job, you see. I'm a thief. Romana here is my accomplcie, and that's Duggan. He's the detectvie who was kind enough to catch me. That's his job. Our lines of work dovetail nicely, don't you think?

Countess: I was under the impression that Duggan was watching me.

The Doctor; well, you are a very beautiful woman. Duggan here was probably gathering up the courage to ask you out to dinner.

Countess Scarlioni: The more you try to convince me you're a fool, the more likely I am to believe otherwise.

 

Jabe: This is the latest Alpha-class station, fully automated. Nothing can go wrong.

The Doctor: Unsinkable, you mean?

Jabe: You could say that. The nautical metaphor is appropriate.

The Doctor: I was on a ship that was called "unsinkable" once. Ended up clinging to an iceberg. Wasn't half cold.

 

Rose: You smell chips?

The Doctor: Yes!

Rose: All right, then, we'll get chips. You're buying.

The Doctor: No money.

Rose: Some date you are! All right, tightwad, chips are on me. We've only got five billion years before the shops close!

 

Rose: Doctor, it's coming!

The Doctor: The assembled hordes of Genghis Khan couldn't get through that door. Believe me, they've tried.

 

Davros: We shall become all --

The Doctor: POWERFUL! CRUSH THE LESSER RACES! CONQUER THE GALAXY! UNIMAGINABLE POWER! UNLIMITED RICE PUDDING! ET CETERA! ET CETERA!

[Curufea]

Re: [Humour]SciFi TV Quotes

 

That last quote - I can hear the voice of Sylvester McKoy ;-p

 

But you missed out some good things from "City of Death" (one of the stories written by Douglas Adams, of the HitchHikers fame)-

When he talks to Mrs Scarlioni, I believe he says "You're a very beautiful woman, probably... and ...", and with timing turned the phrase into a witicism.

 

Plus there are some other great moments - when Duggan breaks yet another glass window, Romana remarks "Have you ever thought of taking up a commission with a Glasier?"

 

Romana- "How should we get down from the Eiffel Tower? Fly or take the lift?"

Doctor- "We don't want to be too ostentatious."

Romana- "Okay, fly then."

 

It's one of my favourite stories Although it's unfortunate that 85% of the plot was then recycled into "Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency"....

[BobGreenwade]

Re: [Humour]SciFi TV Quotes

 

Some easy sources, for Doctor Who:

 

Doctor Who (1963-1989)

Doctor Who(1996)

Doctor Who (2005-)

[Curufea]

Re: [Humour]SciFi TV Quotes

 

Most Dr Who fans (including myself) don't like to think about the recent movie. A bit like "Highlander 2" or "Phantom Menace"...

 

It was bad, and it really screwed up the continuity of the setting.

[Lord Mhoram]

Re: [Humour]SciFi TV Quotes

 

Some B5

 

 

Alien - You're testing my faith

Garabaldi - And you are testing my patience, no get out of here before I flunk.

 

Captain Elizabeth Lochley: What the hell is your problem?

Michael Garibaldi: For starters, I don't know you, therefore I don't trust you.

Captain Elizabeth Lochley: The world is full of people you don't know.

Michael Garibaldi: I worry about that all the time.

 

Marcus Cole: I used to think it was a terrible thing that life was so unfair. Then I thought, 'what if life *were* fair, and all of the terrible things that happen to us came because we really deserved them?' Now I take great comfort in the general unfairness and hostility of the universe.

 

[Marcus has just cleared out a bar, singlehandedly]

Lennier: I see they trained you well back home.

Marcus Cole: Well, they said I was carrying around a lot of repressed anger.

Lennier: And?

Marcus Cole: I'm not repressed anymore!

 

Susan Ivanova: Vakar Ashok, our gun arrays are now fixed on your ship and will fire the instant you come into range. You will find their power quite impressive... for a few seconds.

[Curufea]

Re: [Humour]SciFi TV Quotes

 

My favourites from the show-

 

Ivanova: And just one more thing. I need you to look back and take the time to learn the Babylon 5 Mantra. Ivanova is always right! I will listen to Ivanova! I will not ignore Ivanova's recommendations! Ivanova is God! And, if this ever happens again, Ivanova will personally rip your lungs out. Babylon Control out...

 

Marcus: I've found that more can be accomplished with a kind word, and a 2by4, than just a kind word...

 

Lenier & Vir: Makes me nervous....

 

Delenn: Only one human captain has ever survived battle with the Minbari fleet. He is behind me, you are in front of me. If you value your lives, be somewhere else.

 

Ivanova: Who am I? I'm Susan Ivanova. Commander. Daughter of Andre and Sophie Ivanov. I am the right hand of vengeance and the boot that is going to kick your sorry ass all the way back to Earth, sweetheart. I am death incarnate, and the last living thing that you're ever going to see. God sent me.

[BobGreenwade]

Re: [Humour]SciFi TV Quotes

 

Most Dr Who fans (including myself) don't like to think about the recent movie. A bit like "Highlander 2" or "Phantom Menace"...

 

It was bad, and it really screwed up the continuity of the setting.

1) It's considered a part of the "official canon" -- the BBC calls Paul McGann the 8th Doctor, Christopher Eccleston the 9th, and David Tennant the 10th. 2) Many do like the movie. 3) The setting never really had much in the way of continuity -- not when it's presented three mutually exclusive explanations for the sinking of Atlantis (to give the most-cited example). Self-contradiction is part of the setting.

[Michael Hopcroft]

Re: [Humour]SciFi TV Quotes

 

Ivanova: And just one more thing. I need you to look back and take the time to learn the Babylon 5 Mantra. Ivanova is always right! I will listen to Ivanova! I will not ignore Ivanova's recommendations! Ivanova is God! And, if this ever happens again, Ivanova will personally rip your lungs out. Babylon Control out...

 

And she followed up nicely by looking up into the ceiling after closing the connection and saying "Sorry about the God thing." ivonova was jewish, although whether she was a relgiious or observant Jew is open to question.

 

There was also, IIRC, a lot of pecualtion about Ivonova's sexual orientation and the nature of her relationship with Psi Corps operative Talia Winters. On the other hand, when Marcus gave up her life to save her and she realzied he was in love with him, she was very upset, saying "I should have boffed him at least once!"

 

Another classic B5 sequence:

 

Garibaldi; Want to see my favorite thing in the universe?

(Talia walks out of the lift in a huff)

Garibaldi: How about my second favorite thing?

 

(His "second favorite thing in the Unievsre", which he shows Delenn later in the episdoe, turns out to be the Chuck Jones short "Robinhood Daffy", a nice touch.)

[Susano]

Re: [Humour]SciFi TV Quotes

 

FIREFLY

 

Jayne: [into radio] Testing. Captain, can you hear me?

Mal: I'm standing right here.

Jayne: [into radio] You're coming in good and loud, too.

Mal: 'Cause I'm standing right here.

 

Mal: This is why we lost you know, superior numbers.

Zoë: Thanks for the reenactment, sir.

 

Mal: He's not the first psycho to hire us nor the last. You think that's a commentary on us?

 

Mal: Can't get paid if you're dead.

Jayne: Can't get paid if you crawl away like a bitty little bug neither. I got a share of this job. Ten percent of nothin' is, let me do the math here... nothin' and a nothin', carry the nothin'...

 

Book: If you take sexual advantage of her, you're going to burn in a very special level of Hell, a level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater.

 

River: Little soul, big world. Eat, sleep, and eat. Many souls.

Mal: Cattle on the ship three weeks, she don't go near 'em. Suddenly we're on Jianying, and she's got a driving need to commune with the beasts?

River: They weren't cows inside. They were waiting to be, but they forgot. Now they see sky, and they remember what they are.

Mal: Is it bad that what she said makes perfect sense to me?

 

[flipping through Simon's journal]

Jayne: "Dear diary: Today I was pompous and my sister was crazy... Today we were kidnapped by hill folk, never to be seen again. It was the best day ever."

 

Zoë: Captain'll come up with a plan.

Kaylee: Well, that's good... right?

Zoë: Possibly you're not recalling some of his previous plans.

 

Mal: I know it's a difficult mission, but you and I have to get it on.

Zoë: I understand. We have no choice. Take me sir. Take me hard.

Jayne: Now somethin' about that is just downright unsettlin'.

 

Simon: I've never shot anyone before.

Book: I was there, son. I'm fairly sure you haven't shot anyone yet.

 

Wash: Psychic? Sounds like something out of science fiction.

Zoë: We live on a spaceship, dear.

Wash: So?

 

Mal: Jayne, your mouth is talking. You might want to see to that.

 

Book: I'd forgotten - you're moonlighting as a criminal mastermind now.

Simon: Yes; I'm thinking about growing a big black mustache. I'm a traditionalist.

 

Jayne: What we need is a diversion. I say Zoe gets nekked.

Wash: No.

Jayne: I could get nekked...?

Zoë: No.

Wash: No

 

Jayne: Don't see much point getting involved in other people's trouble's without an up front price negotiation.

Zoë: As I said, no one's forcing you to go, this job is purely speculative.

Jayne: Good, don't know these people don't care to.

Mal: They're whores.

Jayne: I'm in

 

River: Also, I can kill you with my brain.

 

Zoë: If I'm gonna wear a dress, I want something with some slink.

Wash: You want a slinky dress? I can buy you a slinky dress. Captain, can I have money for a slinky dress?

Jayne: I'll chip in.

 

Mal: Yeah, that went well.

Inara: You call this going well?

Mal: We got the loot didn't we?

Inara: Yes, but...

Mal: Then I call it a win. What's the problem?

Inara: Should I start with the part where you're stranded in the middle of nowhere or the part where you have no clothes?

 

Mal: Which one you figure tracked us?

Zoë: The ugly one, sir.

Mal: Could you be more specific?

 

Jayne: Whoo! My John Thomas is about to pop off and fly around the room, there's so much tasty in here.

Wash: Would be you'd get your most poetical about your pecker.

 

Jayne: Well, I don't like the idea of someone hearing what I'm thinking.

Inara: No one likes the idea of hearing what you're thinking.

 

Kaylee: It was your makeout session that got us into this, sir.

Mal: I was poisoned!

Inara: You were drugged.

Jayne: That's why I never kiss 'em on the mouth.

 

Jayne: [to his gun] See Vera? Dress yourself up, you get taken out somewhere fun.

 

Mal: This is my first mate, Zoe. I'll introduce you to the rest later. They're good folk.

Jayne: Can I start getting sexed already?

Mal: Well, that one's kind of horrific

 

River: My food is problematic

[Susano]

Re: [Humour]SciFi TV Quotes

 

ALIENS

 

Hicks: [Pulling out his pump-action shotgun] I like to keep this handy for close encounters.

 

Apone: All right, sweethearts, what are you waiting for? Breakfast in bed? Another glorious day in the corps! A day in the Marine Corps is like a day on the farm. Every meal's a banquet! Every paycheck a fortune! Every formation a parade! I LOVE the corps!

 

Hudson: Is this going to be a standup fight, sir, or another bughunt?

Gorman: All we know is that there is still is no contact with the colony, and that a xenomorph may be involved.

Frost: Excuse me sir, a what?

Gorman: A xenomorph.

Hicks: It's a bughunt.

 

Hudson: We're on an express elevator to hell - going down!

 

Bishop: I'm afraid I have some bad news.

Hudson: Well that's a switch.

 

Ripley: Did IQs just drop sharply while I was away?

 

Frost: Man, I'm telling you, I got a bad feeling about this drop.

Crowe: You always say that, Frost. You always say, "I got a bad feeling about this drop."

Frost: Okay, okay. When we get back without you, I'll call your folks.

 

Vasquez: Whatever you're gonna do, do it fast!

 

Gorman: Apone! Look... we can't have any firing in there. I, uh... I want you to collect magazines from everybody.

Hudson: Is he f***in' crazy?

Frost: What the hell are we supposed to use man? Harsh language?

 

Hudson: Maybe we got 'em demoralized.

 

(Hudson gets all the best lines in this one)

[Guest Major Tom]

Re: [Humour]SciFi TV Quotes

 

Another goodie from B5:

 

Lennier and Sheridan are in an elevator together following a "get-really-aq-

uianted" session with Delenn. Lennier looks at Sheridan as if he wants to

say something to him but turns away a couple of times before finally say-

ing:

 

"Woo-Hoo?!"

 

 

Major Tom

[Samuraiko]

Re: [Humour]SciFi TV Quotes

 

Some of my other favorite Doctor Who quotes that aren't on the IMDB list:

 

(Hugh Fitzwilliam, his mother, and Turlough are chained up in a dungeon)

Hugh: *thinking Turlough is a demon* "Can you not call on Hell?"

Turlough: "I could. But then so could you, with a better chance of success, I fancy."

 

Captain Cook: "Number one rule of the intergalactic explorer, Doctor. If you hear somebody talking about 'good vibes' and 'letting it all hang out,' run a mile."

 

The Doctor: "Suppose I refuse to go?"

Guard: "You die."

The Doctor: "It was just a passing thought."

 

Yrcanos: "You are SCUM!"

The Doctor: "No, actually I am known as the Doctor."

 

(on Ace's skill with building explosives and having one go off early)

The Doctor: "Ace...?"

Ace: "I think the timer needs work."

The Doctor: "One of these days we're going to have a nice long talk about acceptable safety standards."

 

(on Sharaz Jek)

Peri: "Doctor, he's completely mad."

The Doctor: "And a raving egoist. Said my mind was nearly the equal of his. Such incredible conceit."

 

(on putting his foot in his mouth with Ace)

Brigadier: "Oh dear, women. Not really my strong point."

The Doctor: "Don't worry, Brigadier, people will be shooting at you soon."

 

Adric: "I was trying to escape!"

The Doctor: "In the TSS? You were lucky you didn't destroy the whole Kinda tribe."

Adric: "As it happens, no one was hurt..."

The Doctor: "... apart from Aris."

Adric: "A flesh wound!"

The Doctor: "Try to understand, Adric, just because you get away with something, it doesn't justify it!"

Adric: *sulkily* "I'm sorry."

The Doctor: "The next time you want to escape from somewhere, WALK!"

 

The Doctor: "What's your special gift?"

Morgana the Fortune Teller: "Fortune telling. Would you like to see the future?"

(she turns a Tarot card over, showing the Hanged Man, a card often associated with the Doctor)

The Doctor: (without turning around) "No, thank you. I've seen it."

 

Michelle

aka

Samuraiko