Ockham's Spoon Posted January 6, 2022 Report Share Posted January 6, 2022 It has been a while since my family got together due to the pandemic, but old sibling rivalries die hard. Over dinner my sister who is married was noticing my unwed sister had gotten some new ink, which she feels is a bad influence on her kids. "Three new tattoos? Those are pretty permanent you know." "Yeah, well three kids is pretty permanent too." my younger sister shot back. There was a moment of tense silence before my 7 year-old son piped up "Technically, both can be removed with lasers." Cancer, Hermit, L. Marcus and 5 others 4 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted January 6, 2022 Report Share Posted January 6, 2022 You can't give that kid a beer, but I hope you gave him something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted January 6, 2022 Report Share Posted January 6, 2022 I have the uncanny ability to identify a wrapped present. It's a gift. L. Marcus 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted January 6, 2022 Report Share Posted January 6, 2022 "I can't believe you slept with my sister!" "She was just laying there naked when I came into work. What was I supposed to do?" "The damn autopsy!" Cancer 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 6, 2022 Report Share Posted January 6, 2022 1 hour ago, Ockham's Spoon said: "I can't believe you slept with my sister!" "She was just laying there naked when I came into work. What was I supposed to do?" "The damn autopsy!" Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted January 6, 2022 Report Share Posted January 6, 2022 Starlord, Cancer, wcw43921 and 5 others 4 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted January 7, 2022 Report Share Posted January 7, 2022 I can't believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician. I was just sitting there doing nothing. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 7, 2022 Report Share Posted January 7, 2022 Q: How many jokes are there about politicians? A: Three. The rest are all true stories. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 7, 2022 Report Share Posted January 7, 2022 Make your politician work, don’t vote for him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starlord Posted January 7, 2022 Report Share Posted January 7, 2022 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starlord Posted January 7, 2022 Report Share Posted January 7, 2022 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted January 7, 2022 Report Share Posted January 7, 2022 Careful. Next you'll be seeing images of a menacing-looking goober in coveralls next to a beat-up sports car that have a caption like "My name is Bondo. James Bondo. I have a license to fill." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 7, 2022 Report Share Posted January 7, 2022 Spoilered for PG-13 content. Spoiler Q: What's the difference between a radial tire and 365 used condoms? A: One is a Goodyear, and the other is a great year. Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted January 7, 2022 Report Share Posted January 7, 2022 48 minutes ago, Pariah said: Spoilered for PG-13 content. Hide contents Q: What's the difference between a radial tire and 365 used condoms? A: One is a Goodyear, and the other is a great year. an AWESOME MONTH!!! FTFY Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted January 7, 2022 Report Share Posted January 7, 2022 Vin Diesel eats two meals a day. Breakfast and breakfurious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted January 8, 2022 Report Share Posted January 8, 2022 Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 8, 2022 Report Share Posted January 8, 2022 Him: "If I died before you, do you think you'd remarry?" Her: "I don't think so. I'd probably just move in with my sister. What about you? If I died first, would you remarry?" Him: "Nah, I'd probably just move in with your sister too." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted January 8, 2022 Report Share Posted January 8, 2022 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted January 8, 2022 Report Share Posted January 8, 2022 At my funeral I want a group of Italian guys to walk up to my coffin in all black suits and say "I'm gonna miss ya boss" so my family think I had something big going on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slikmar Posted January 9, 2022 Report Share Posted January 9, 2022 Until your kids starting snickering and saying behind their hands "<snicker>boss<snicker>, like mom would let him get away with that". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wcw43921 Posted January 9, 2022 Report Share Posted January 9, 2022 7 hours ago, Logan.1179 said: At my funeral I want a group of Italian guys to walk up to my coffin in all black suits and say "I'm gonna miss ya boss" so my family think I had something big going on. Include a group of Russians or Japanese--or better yet, all three--and your family would really be impressed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 9, 2022 Report Share Posted January 9, 2022 Just make sure the Russians don't end every sentence with "Bro". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 9, 2022 Report Share Posted January 9, 2022 I took my kids to the zoo the other day, but the only animal they had was a dog. It was a shih tzu. Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 9, 2022 Report Share Posted January 9, 2022 My New Year's Resolutions for 2022: 1. Stop procrastinating. 2. Reduce the number of pointless "To Do" lists in my life. 3. Focus on finishing what I start. 4. 5. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted January 10, 2022 Report Share Posted January 10, 2022 The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve Perhaps unsurprisingly, it was an Apple But with extremely limited memory Just 1 byte Then everything crashed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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