Lucius Posted May 17, 2018 Report Share Posted May 17, 2018 6 hours ago, Logan.1179 said: Show me where Karl Marx is buried..... ............and I'll show you a communist plot! Lucius Alexander Show me a Lucius Alexander tagline, and I'll show you a palindromedary Logan D. Hurricanes and wcw43921 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted May 26, 2018 Report Share Posted May 26, 2018 A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork and was burned out. Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the Nashville Auto Diesel College, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks and completed the exam with tremendous skill. When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying, “I don’t want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade.” The instructor said, “During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. “You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark.” After a pause, the instructor added, “I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I’ve never seen done in my entire career.” L. Marcus, bigbywolfe, BoloOfEarth and 1 other 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted May 27, 2018 Report Share Posted May 27, 2018 Q: What do you call a snake that's 3.14159 meters long? A: A π-thon. wcw43921 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted May 28, 2018 Report Share Posted May 28, 2018 Q: Which has higher energy, hamburger or steak? A: Steak, because hamburger is in the ground state. tkdguy and Cancer 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hermit Posted June 29, 2018 Report Share Posted June 29, 2018 Bob and Jim were a couple of Newfie drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Gander , NFLD. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Bob said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!" Jim says "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz... You wanna try it?" So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed. The next morning Bob wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings... It's Jim. Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?" Bob says, "I feel great. How about you?" Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?" Bob says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often." Jim says, "Yeah, well there's just one thing... Have you farted yet?" Bob says, "No....." "Well," Jim says, "DON'T! I'm in Thunder Bay!" death tribble 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Liaden Posted June 29, 2018 Report Share Posted June 29, 2018 Not the part of the continent I expected to hear a Newfie joke from. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hermit Posted June 30, 2018 Report Share Posted June 30, 2018 1 hour ago, Lord Liaden said: Not the part of the continent I expected to hear a Newfie joke from. I'm in the South, true but I get the feeling the same jokes told about New Foundland are told about my close relatives. I didn't go LOOKING for Newfie Jokes, but random searches and I stumbled onto it and I admit it. It was so very Jeff Foxworthy in its way I related to it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 9, 2018 Report Share Posted July 9, 2018 A young lawyer died suddenly one day. He found himself standing at the Pearly Gates before St. Peter. "This isn't fair," the lawyer complained. "I was forty-two years old and in perfect health! Why did I have to die?" "That's very strange," St Peter replied. "We added up all of your billable hours, and we determined that you had to be at least a hundred and seven." Hermit, slikmar and bigbywolfe 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted July 12, 2018 Report Share Posted July 12, 2018 Pariah and wcw43921 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 19, 2018 Report Share Posted July 19, 2018 Saw this one on the Book of Face today: Kid: “Are you eating pie?” Mom (eating pie): “No. This isn’t pie, it’s fruit casserole. You want some?” Kid: “No. I don’t like casserole!” Mom (whispering): “I know....” tkdguy and wcw43921 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted July 19, 2018 Report Share Posted July 19, 2018 Heh. Long ago I observed: Many creatures feed their young on partially-digested regurgitated food. Humans do not do this. However, humans do make casseroles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L. Marcus Posted July 19, 2018 Report Share Posted July 19, 2018 Casseroles are nummy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted July 19, 2018 Report Share Posted July 19, 2018 I had lots of bad casseroles from Army kitchens in my formative years, so I admit to extreme bias here. Also in that era, "casserole" all too often meant "smother it in canned soup and bake forever". There were certain travesties inherent to 1950s and 1960s American cuisine. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 19, 2018 Report Share Posted July 19, 2018 This is not untrue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L. Marcus Posted July 20, 2018 Report Share Posted July 20, 2018 ... It's a wonder that America functions as a society at all, with such cuisine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted July 20, 2018 Report Share Posted July 20, 2018 Well remember, the original subculture was English. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 20, 2018 Report Share Posted July 20, 2018 On the Continent, they have good food. In England, they have good table manners. Or so I am led to understand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L. Marcus Posted July 20, 2018 Report Share Posted July 20, 2018 The appetizer-main course-dessert system is Russian. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 20, 2018 Report Share Posted July 20, 2018 Where does 'vodka' fit in that progression? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted July 20, 2018 Report Share Posted July 20, 2018 I think it's an aspect of Puritanism that has never faded away: that pleasureable things are sinful, and enduring disgusting, painful, and boring things accrues merit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmjalund Posted July 20, 2018 Report Share Posted July 20, 2018 2 hours ago, L. Marcus said: The appetizer-main course-dessert system is Russian. Ensign Checkov, is that you? Pariah and bigbywolfe 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wcw43921 Posted July 20, 2018 Report Share Posted July 20, 2018 5 hours ago, Cancer said: I think it's an aspect of Puritanism that has never faded away: that pleasureable things are sinful, and enduring disgusting, painful, and boring things accrues merit. tkdguy and Cancer 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 23, 2018 Report Share Posted July 23, 2018 The choir director asked me to leave because I was singing too loudly. I guess singing softly just isn't my forte. tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted July 23, 2018 Report Share Posted July 23, 2018 9 minutes ago, Pariah said: The choir director asked me to leave because I was singing too loudly. I guess singing softly just isn't my forte. I say that I have a voice that fills the room. In fact, when I sing people often leave to make room for my voice. Duke Bushido, Pariah and tkdguy 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted July 23, 2018 Report Share Posted July 23, 2018 "How can I purchase a singing church group?" "You mean a choir?" "Fine! How can I acquire a singing church group?" tkdguy, BoloOfEarth, Pariah and 2 others 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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