Bazza Posted August 21, 2015 Report Share Posted August 21, 2015 I enhanced it. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted August 21, 2015 Report Share Posted August 21, 2015 I can use that stuff, mainly for relaxation/meditation purposes. May be useful for ambience during a game session if used sparingly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmjalund Posted August 22, 2015 Report Share Posted August 22, 2015 Q: Why do Ghostbusters have difficulty travelling cross-country? A: one must NEVER cross the streams!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 24, 2015 Report Share Posted August 24, 2015 So this girl walks up to another girl and says "Hey, have you heard of the Bechdel Test?" And the other girl says, "Yeah, my boyfriend was telling me about it the other day!" Logan D. Hurricanes, FrankL, Burrito Boy and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FrankL Posted August 25, 2015 Report Share Posted August 25, 2015 So this girl walks up to another girl and says "Hey, have you heard of the Bechdel Test?" And the other girl says, "Yeah, my boyfriend was telling me about it the other day!" I should send that to my niece. She's turning into a fussy feminist lately. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 25, 2015 Report Share Posted August 25, 2015 I should send that to my niece. She's turning into a fussy feminist lately. A regular Soap Box Sadie? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted August 25, 2015 Report Share Posted August 25, 2015 So this girl walks up to another girl and says "Hey, have you heard of the Bechdel Test?" And the other girl says, "Yeah, my boyfriend was telling me about it the other day!" I thought do any Greek tragedy or Greek Comedy pass it, and sure enough i found one -- The Trojan Women. Classicist Edith Hamilton translated the play from Euripides, which the directer used as his screenplay. Of course, being a Greek tragedy the only actors are male; they also played all the female characters too. ( https://www.fandor.com/films/the_trojan_women ) So a movie/play which passes the Bechdel Test where all actors are male. Hilarious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted August 26, 2015 Report Share Posted August 26, 2015 Euripides was great, not like so many modern hacks. Bazza 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted August 26, 2015 Report Share Posted August 26, 2015 That Euripides is not well immersed as a pop culture phenomenon is of course an epic tragedy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted August 26, 2015 Report Share Posted August 26, 2015 More like a low-grade latter-day farce. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted September 1, 2015 Report Share Posted September 1, 2015 An old woman walked up and tied her old mule to the hitching post. As she stood there, brushing some of the dust from her face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. The young gunslinger looked at the old woman and laughed, "Hey old woman, have you ever danced?" The old woman looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance… never really wanted to." A had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old bag, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old woman's feet. The old woman prospector -- not wanting to get her toes blown off --started hopping around. Everybody was laughing. When his last bullet had been fired, the young unslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon. The old woman turned to her pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked bothe hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air, and the crowd stopped laughing immediately. The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around slowly. The silence was almost deafening. The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old woman and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels. The barrels of the old woman's HANDS, as she quietly said, "Son, have you ever kissed a mule's ass?" The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No Ma'am… BUT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO!" THERE ARE FIVE LESSONS HERE FOR ALL OF US: 1 – Never be arrogant. 2 – Don't waste ammunition. 3 – Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are. 4 – Always make sure you know who has the power. 5 – Don't mess with old people; they didn't get old by being stupid. Pariah, Burrito Boy and death tribble 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 2, 2015 Report Share Posted September 2, 2015 Q - What is Starlord's favorite dessert? A - Groot beer floats. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted September 2, 2015 Report Share Posted September 2, 2015 Q - What is Starlord's favorite dessert? A - Groot beer floats. Would his favourite drink be Rocket Fuel? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted September 2, 2015 Report Share Posted September 2, 2015 Q - What is Starlord's favorite dessert? A - Groot beer floats. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted September 2, 2015 Report Share Posted September 2, 2015 Two thieves are pulling off a breaking-and-entering job in a high-rise office building. Suddenly, they hear someone approaching. The first thief says, “Jump out the window or we’ll get caught!” “You’ve got to be joking! We’re on the 13th floor!” “This is no time to be superstitious!" Pariah, Hermit, FrankL and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 2, 2015 Report Share Posted September 2, 2015 (See? We can do it too! ) Logan D. Hurricanes 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow Hawk Posted September 4, 2015 Report Share Posted September 4, 2015 How can you think the unthinkable? Uthe an ithberg. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted September 5, 2015 Report Share Posted September 5, 2015 Dad [to son]: Did you hear about the new film Constipation? Son: Wha, no? Dad: It never came out. Q: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? A: Ten tickles. Child: We were having dinner and dad spilt his peas on the table. He looks straight at me and says: "oh no, I just "pea'd" on the table. tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted September 5, 2015 Report Share Posted September 5, 2015 death tribble and Bazza 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted September 7, 2015 Report Share Posted September 7, 2015 What do you call a cow who's had an abortion? De-calfinated. What happens when you leave a cow in a field overnight? It gets Pasturized. What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a cow with a wooden leg? Stake. Why did the cow roll down the hill? It had no legs. Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Pariah and Cancer 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted September 7, 2015 Report Share Posted September 7, 2015 Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?It was dead. Historically, this may be my favorite joke of all time. Old Man and tkdguy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted September 7, 2015 Report Share Posted September 7, 2015 I wish I could take credit for it, but I stole it from somewhere else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 7, 2015 Report Share Posted September 7, 2015 Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead too. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first two monkeys. Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure. (Hey, if some is good, more is better, right?) tkdguy, Logan D. Hurricanes and Old Man 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 7, 2015 Report Share Posted September 7, 2015 What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter. He won't come even if you call him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted September 7, 2015 Report Share Posted September 7, 2015 A bear walks into a bar in Birmingham. He says, "I'll have a beer, please." Bartender says, "I'm sorry. We don't serve beers to bears in bars in Birmingham." Bear says, "Look, I've got money, see, it's as good as anyone else's. I don't want to cause any trouble." Bartender says, "I'm sorry. We don't serve beers to bears in bars in Birmingham." Bear says, "I'm starting to get p***ed-off, here. Gimme a beer!" Bartender says, "I'm sorry. We don't serve beers to bears in bars in Birmingham." Bear says, "If you don't give me a beer, I'm gonna smash this place up!" Bartender says, "I'm sorry. We don't serve beers to bears in bars in Birmingham." The bear proceeds to smash the bar top, uproot and throw stools around, roaring and slavering all the while. He finally says, "Now! give me a beer!" Bartender says, "I'm sorry. We don't serve beers to bears in bars in Birmingham." The bear threatens, "I'll start to eat your patrons if you don't give me a beer!" Bartender says, "I'm sorry. We don't serve beers to bears in bars in Birmingham." "That's it," says the bear, and he grabs a nearby woman and promptly devours her. "How do you like that!" "Hey," says the bartender. "That was the bar-b**ch you ate!" The bear felt a bit down. L. Marcus 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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