Pariah Posted November 30, 2015 Report Share Posted November 30, 2015 What's a dinosaur's least favorite reindeer? Comet Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L. Marcus Posted November 30, 2015 Report Share Posted November 30, 2015 "Johnson! Hey, Johnson!" cries the boss. "What's your last name?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted November 30, 2015 Report Share Posted November 30, 2015 "Howard!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 4, 2015 Report Share Posted December 4, 2015 I was just issued a new iPad Air at work, and the assistant IT guy (a former student) came by to help me set it up. He introduced me to Siri. This has led to a few amusing Q&As. Me: Who's on first? Siri: That's right. Who is on first. Me: What is the meaning of life? Siri: I don't believe there's a consensus on that question. Me: What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow? Siri: The last person who asked me that ended up in a crevasse. Who says programmers don't have a sense of humor? bigbywolfe, FrankL, L. Marcus and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L. Marcus Posted December 4, 2015 Report Share Posted December 4, 2015 Geeks, every man jack and girl jill of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 4, 2015 Report Share Posted December 4, 2015 bigbywolfe 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted December 4, 2015 Report Share Posted December 4, 2015 I would suspect that the QA process has screened out the really obscene funny responses, though. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted December 5, 2015 Report Share Posted December 5, 2015 I heard they had to censor out some of the dangerous answers that Siri could give you like, "Siri, what's the best way to dispose of a body?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narf the Mouse Posted December 8, 2015 Report Share Posted December 8, 2015 As he lay dying, Lord Greystoke expressed his wish that his intestines and stomach be made into a set of drums and bagpipes so that he and his love of music might live on after his death. He wanted to ensure that people could hear the Tarzan's Tripes Forever. ...I'm not sure whether to like that or strangle you, and I don't know where you live, so... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted December 8, 2015 Report Share Posted December 8, 2015 An atheist and an Evangelical Christian were talking about the Israelites crossing through the sea to escape Pharaoh. The atheist states, "that was no miracle, at certain times of the year the water recedes to a lower level along with sea plants floating in and they simply waded across." The Christian pauses perplexed, then says "wow, it's an even greater miracle than I had realized." The atheist looks at him and says "What? How do you figure that?" The Christian says, "Well think about it, Pharaoh's entire army drowning in waist-deep water!" Narf the Mouse, FrankL, Burrito Boy and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted December 10, 2015 Report Share Posted December 10, 2015 Why don't elves have balloons in their birthday parties? Seriously, do you think a balloon would last long with all those pointed ears? Not to mention elves risk hearing loss when the balloons pop. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted December 18, 2015 Report Share Posted December 18, 2015 Police are trying to rescue a cow lost in a cannabis field. The steaks have never been higher. L. Marcus 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheQuestionMan Posted December 18, 2015 Report Share Posted December 18, 2015 Shank shank shank! That was terrible-ly good? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted December 18, 2015 Report Share Posted December 18, 2015 The latest terrorist scare involves putting a nuclear device inside a statue of the minotaur. Personally I find this a-bomb-in-a-bull...... L. Marcus 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted December 19, 2015 Report Share Posted December 19, 2015 A woman gave birth to twin girls, and was in a quandary as to what to name the pair. She asked the nurse what to do. The nurse looked at the woman's chart and suggested "Nancy" and "Phyllis" What gave her the idea? The diagnoses: Preg_Nancy_ and Sy_Phyllis_. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted December 19, 2015 Report Share Posted December 19, 2015 How many Jedi does it take to change a light bulb? Only one Kenobi! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted December 21, 2015 Report Share Posted December 21, 2015 (I thought this might have been posted here previously, but a quick search didn't find it. So if it was already posted, my apologies.) A woman gave birth to fraternal twins (one boy, one girl) but the birth process was too much for her and she passed out. When she came to and saw her kids, she mentioned to the nurse that she wasn't sure what to name them."Your brother gave us the names while you were unconscious," said the nurse. "We thought they were what you wanted." Oh, no, thought the woman. I can't imagine what kind of names my moron brother would pick. "What names did he tell you?" she asked hesitantly. The nurse said, "Well, he named the little girl Denise..." The new mother thought, Well, that's not too bad. I like that one. The nurse continued, "And he named the little boy Denephew." FrankL 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narf the Mouse Posted December 27, 2015 Report Share Posted December 27, 2015 How many Sith does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Sith like being in the dark. tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted January 4, 2016 Report Share Posted January 4, 2016 A man is talking to God and asks, "Is it true that, to you a million years is just a minute?""Yes," replies God. "That is true." "So to you, would a million dollars just be a penny?" the man asks with a slight smile. "Again true." With a crafty look, the man asks God, "So could you give me a penny?" God replies, "Sure. In a minute." wcw43921, Starlord and Hermit 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted January 4, 2016 Report Share Posted January 4, 2016 A devout man prays to God one day. "Please, God, let me win the lottery. I promise to use the money to help others."He doesn't win that week, so he prays again. "God, I'm imploring you to let me win the lottery. Think of all the good I could do to help Your children!" After he again fails to win, he kneels and prays, "I'm imploring you, Lord, please let me win..." At this point, a booming voice from above interrupts him. "AT LEAST MEET ME HALF WAY AND BUY A TICKET!" Pariah, Starlord, wcw43921 and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 6, 2016 Report Share Posted January 6, 2016 Knock knock. Who's there? HIPAA. HIPAA who? I can't tell you that. Logan D. Hurricanes and BoloOfEarth 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 8, 2016 Report Share Posted January 8, 2016 What do you call an unsharpened pencil? Pointless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Narf the Mouse Posted January 10, 2016 Report Share Posted January 10, 2016 What did the orderly tell King Leonidas? "Sparta? No, this is madness." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 11, 2016 Report Share Posted January 11, 2016 From last night's Golden Globes ceremony: "If you do win [a Golden Globe] tonight, remember nobody cares about the award as much as you. Don't get emotional; it's embarrassing. That award is — no offense — worthless. It’s a bit of metal that some nice old confused journalists wanted to give you in person, so they could meet you and have a selfie with you ... I’ve got three Golden Globes. One’s a doorstop. One I use to hit burglars with. The other one I keep by the bed, and it doesn't matter why." -Ricky Gervais Logan D. Hurricanes 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 12, 2016 Report Share Posted January 12, 2016 Logan D. Hurricanes and Burrito Boy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.