Logan D. Hurricanes Posted June 7, 2016 Report Share Posted June 7, 2016 Dildo Bugger can't save you now! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 7, 2016 Report Share Posted June 7, 2016 "Toll, please". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted June 8, 2016 Report Share Posted June 8, 2016 While religion is never explicitly mentioned in Middle-earth, it's well-known that most of the people there are Scientologists. What, haven't you ever heard of Elrond Hubbard? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted June 8, 2016 Report Share Posted June 8, 2016 Oh, Cancer....I expect that from Tribble or Bazza, but you? Ah shucks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted June 8, 2016 Report Share Posted June 8, 2016 I resemble that remark as welll Bazza 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted June 8, 2016 Report Share Posted June 8, 2016 I thought I had told this one before, but don't see it here. (Perhaps in another thread?) My apologies in advance if you've read it before. A US senator was lucky enough to have an incredible (though somewhat timid) speechwriter - so skilled at speech writing, in fact, that the politician had stopped even perusing the speeches beforehand and would just read them off the teleprompter while giving the speech. After a few years of diligent work, the speechwriter asked for a raise. The senator scoffed, "Forget it! You should consider yourself lucky to have a job with someone as powerful and influential as me!" and dismissed the speechwriter with a wave of his hand. Several weeks later, the senator was giving a speech announcing his candidacy for President, and as was his habit was reading it straight off the teleprompter. "As many of you know, I am a strong supporter of law and order, and feel that the current administration has done a deplorable job of keeping our streets and the American people safe from criminals, terrorists, and those who wish us harm. I promise you now, that will not be the case when I am President! That is why I have come up with a fifteen-point plan to rein in crime and protect us from terrorist acts, which I will now explain in detail." The next words to scroll up the teleprompter were, "You're on your own. I quit." FrankL, Logan D. Hurricanes, Pariah and 3 others 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted June 8, 2016 Report Share Posted June 8, 2016 I once dated a woman who was so evil, I thought she wa the Antichrist. But it turns out she wasn't quite that bad. The numbers in her forehead only read 665. This reminded me of something I saw years back, titled "The Other Numbers of the Beast." Here's a listing that's similar, though not the same: http://www.c4vct.com/kym/humor/666.htm One in particular that isn't listed there was "1-900-666-6666: Live, nude beasts! One-on-one pacts! Only $6.66 per minute! Over 18 only, please!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 8, 2016 Report Share Posted June 8, 2016 Of course, you have to remember that in these politically-correct days, 491 is the new 666. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 8, 2016 Report Share Posted June 8, 2016 A Lesson Jesus took his disciples up the mountain and, gathering them around him, He taught them saying: Blessed are the poor in spirit. Blessed are those who mourn. Blessed are the meek. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness. Blessed are the merciful. Blessed are the pure in heart. Blessed are the peacemakers. Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake. Blessed are you when men revile you on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven. Then Simon Peter said, "Are we supposed to know this?" And Andrew said, "Do we have to write this down?" And James said, "I don't have any paper." And Phillip said, "Will we have a test on this?" And Bartholomew said, "Do we have to turn this in?" And John said, "The other disciples didn't have to learn this." And Matthew said, "May I go to the bathroom?" And Judas said, "What does this have to do with real life?" And Jesus wept. Then one of the Pharisees who was present asked for Jesus' lesson plan and inquired of Jesus, "Where are your anticipatory set of goals and objectives in the cognitive domain?" Author unknown, but certainly a teacher Lord Mhoram, Pariah and tkdguy 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 9, 2016 Report Share Posted June 9, 2016 You missed the bit about the Sadducee asking how any of this aligns to the approved state core curriculum. The rest of it is 100% true, though. Lord Mhoram 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted June 9, 2016 Report Share Posted June 9, 2016 Of course, you have to remember that in these politically-correct days, 491 is the new 666. A Catholic University where I worked once had 666-XXXX as it's telephone number. The University was finally able to get it changed, but it took years for that to happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted June 9, 2016 Report Share Posted June 9, 2016 I am building a castle. Well it is one way to earn your keep..... Pariah, Lucius, wcw43921 and 1 other 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hermit Posted June 17, 2016 Report Share Posted June 17, 2016 An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat at least a hundred feet into the air. It then opened it's mouth waiting below to swallow them both. As the man sailed head over heels and started to fall towards the open jaws of the ferocious beast he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!" Suddenly, the scene froze in place and as the atheist hung in midair a booming voice came out of the clouds and said, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!" "God, come on, give me a break!" the man pleaded, "Just seconds ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!" "Well," said God, "If you are a believer you must understand that I won't work miracles to snatch you from certain death in the jaws of the monster, but I can change hearts. What would you have me do?" The atheist thinks for a minute then says, "God, please have the Loch Ness Monster believe in You also." God replies, "So be it." The scene starts in motion again with the atheist falling towards the ravenous jaws of the monster. Just then Nessie folds his claws together and says, "Lord, bless this food you have so graciously provided..." death tribble, aylwin13 and FrankL 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 17, 2016 Report Share Posted June 17, 2016 Q: What has nine arms and sucks? A: Def Leppard TheDarkness and death tribble 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted June 18, 2016 Report Share Posted June 18, 2016 Q: What has nine arms and sucks? A: Def Leppard Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmjalund Posted June 18, 2016 Report Share Posted June 18, 2016 Kirk: Hail Hydra! Uhura: Hydra not responding, Captain. Burrito Boy, Pariah and death tribble 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted June 18, 2016 Report Share Posted June 18, 2016 Kirk: Hail Hydra! Uhura: Hydra not responding, Captain. Well, of course they didn't respond; they're Hydrans. I wouldn't respond either if you got my name wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmjalund Posted June 21, 2016 Report Share Posted June 21, 2016 I hear Overall Skill Levels are not compatible with Naked Advantages Lucius 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow Hawk Posted June 22, 2016 Report Share Posted June 22, 2016 It was so hot here yesterday that two hobbits threw a ring into my backyard. slikmar, Burrito Boy, Starlord and 2 others 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 23, 2016 Report Share Posted June 23, 2016 Q: How do you recognize a Dad joke? A: It'll be apparent. wcw43921 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted June 25, 2016 Report Share Posted June 25, 2016 What is the opposite of Loki? High key. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 26, 2016 Report Share Posted June 26, 2016 From the one of the geniuses on Facebook: "It looks like the U.K. and the U.S. are in a contest to see who can screw themselves the most. Britain has the early lead, but the Americans have a trump card." death tribble, Roter Baron and Bazza 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marcus Impudite Posted June 27, 2016 Report Share Posted June 27, 2016 This program is brought to you by Beelzebubble, with real bubblegum flavor you'll gladly sell your soul for. death tribble 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted July 5, 2016 Report Share Posted July 5, 2016 My six sider, my eight sider, my four sider, my twelve sider and the twenty sider all flee whenever they roll bad. I should have suspected that I had coward dice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 6, 2016 Report Share Posted July 6, 2016 Q: What is a wok? A: Something you thwow at a wabbit when you don't have a wifle. wcw43921, tkdguy and Lord Mhoram 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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