Pariah Posted March 2, 2017 Report Share Posted March 2, 2017 I just found out I am colour blind. It came completely out of the purple Baz, are you going to post this on the Book of Face? (Because if you don't, I will.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted March 2, 2017 Report Share Posted March 2, 2017 Okay you twisted my arm. I'll post it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 2, 2017 Report Share Posted March 2, 2017 Excellent. I'll send you some anti-imflammatories for the pain. Bazza 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 2, 2017 Report Share Posted March 2, 2017 What starts with 'w' and ends with 'hat'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted March 2, 2017 Report Share Posted March 2, 2017 What starts with 'w' and ends with 'hat'. Yes. He also plays second base. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 2, 2017 Report Share Posted March 2, 2017 Naturally! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 2, 2017 Report Share Posted March 2, 2017 Joseph Stalin really should have known that Communism would never work. I mean, there were red flags everywhere. wcw43921 and Logan D. Hurricanes 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 2, 2017 Report Share Posted March 2, 2017 Q - How many pre-meds does it take to change a light bulb? A - Five: One to change the bulb, and four others to yank the ladder out from under him when he's done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted March 2, 2017 Report Share Posted March 2, 2017 Q- How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb? A - 100: One to change the bulb and 99 to mutter, "I can do that." Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted March 2, 2017 Report Share Posted March 2, 2017 How many <ethnic> mothers does it take to change a light bulb? None, dear. I'll just sit here in the dark. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burrito Boy Posted March 3, 2017 Report Share Posted March 3, 2017 tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted March 3, 2017 Report Share Posted March 3, 2017 An Irishman walks into a bar in New York City and orders three beers. He then takes a drink from each, then another drink from each, until he finishes all three beers. He then gets up and leaves. He comes into the same bar the next day and does the same thing. Three beers, drinks from each in turn until done, then leaves. On the third day, when he orders the three beers, the bartender says, "You know, if you order and drink them individually, they'll taste better because they won't be going flat by the end." The Irishman says, "Oh, no, I can't do that. Ye' see, me brothers and me would always get together each day at the pub and have a drink together. When I decided to move to America, we decided that I would find a pub and order three drinks, and back in Dublin me brothers would order three drinks. It would be like we was still together." The bartender thinks, well, that's nice, so he gets him the three beers. For the next month or so, the Irishman comes in every day to drink his three beers. The regulars all get to know him, and all is going well. Then one day, the Irishman walks in and only orders two beers. The significance isn't lost on anybody. A respectful silence falls over the bar. When the bartender walks over with the two beers, he says, "They're on the house. I just wanted to express my condolences on your loss." The Irishman looks puzzled. "Me loss?! Oh, no, you don't understand. Ye see, I've stopped drinking." Pariah and wcw43921 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 4, 2017 Report Share Posted March 4, 2017 Q: How do you get a baby to sleep on a spaceship? A: Rock it. Rails 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burrito Boy Posted March 4, 2017 Report Share Posted March 4, 2017 Q: How do you get a baby to sleep on a spaceship? A: Rock it. Boo! Hiss! *throws rotten fruit at Pariah* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted March 4, 2017 Report Share Posted March 4, 2017 Q: How do you get a baby to sleep on a spaceship? A: Rock it. I hear you have the neighbour's baby as well and think in the future they should get married. It's a... ...rock it ship. Pariah, Rails and wcw43921 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burrito Boy Posted March 4, 2017 Report Share Posted March 4, 2017 I hear you have the neighbour's baby as well and think in the future they should get married. It's a... ...rock it ship. BOO! HISS! *throws rotten fruit at Bazza* Logan D. Hurricanes 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 4, 2017 Report Share Posted March 4, 2017 I hear you have the neighbour's baby as well and think in the future they should get married. It's a... ...rock it ship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted March 4, 2017 Report Share Posted March 4, 2017 Don't encourage that. Burrito Boy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmjalund Posted March 5, 2017 Report Share Posted March 5, 2017 Q: How do you get a baby to sleep on a spaceship? A: Rock it. *Red Glare* Cancer and Rails 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted March 8, 2017 Report Share Posted March 8, 2017 An oldie, but a goodie... and sadly more appropriate than ever. Air Force One has a mechanical problem and crashes in a remote field. By the time the first responders arrive, they discover that the farmer who owns the field has already buried everybody. "They were all dead?" asks one of the firemen. "Ayup," says the farmer. "Even the president?" The farmer strokes his chin. "Well, he kept saying he was still alive... but you know what a liar he is..." tkdguy, Rails and Pariah 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted March 8, 2017 Report Share Posted March 8, 2017 A man was looking to buy a horse, and found out a local pastor was selling one. When the man went to see the horse, the pastor explained, "You should be aware I trained this horse, so it doesn't respond to normal commands. Instead of saying "Giddy-up" to get it moving, you have to say "Praise the Lord." And to get it to stop, you have to say "Amen" instead of "Whoa." The man thought this is fine, and asked if he can take it for a test ride, to which the pastor agreed. The man climbed onto the saddle and said, "Praise the Lord," and the horse took off. Wanting to see how fast the horse could run, the man again said, "Praise the Lord," and the horse went faster. Pretty soon, it was tearing across the field at incredible speed. Unfortunately, the man saw they were quickly approaching a cliff. He pulled on the reins and yelled, "WHOA!" but the horse kept running. After several more "WHOA"s, the man remembered what the pastor said and shouted, "AMEN!!!" The horse screeched to a halt right at the edge of the cliff. The man breathed a sigh of relief, wiped his brow, and said, "Praise the Lord!" Pariah and wcw43921 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 17, 2017 Report Share Posted March 17, 2017 Q: Why did the VIPER agent cross the road? A: He was being chased by the chicken. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 17, 2017 Report Share Posted March 17, 2017 I do a great Bruno Mars impression. Don't believe me? Just watch. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted March 17, 2017 Report Share Posted March 17, 2017 Two gold fish in a tank One says to the other, ill take the gun, you drive! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 17, 2017 Report Share Posted March 17, 2017 From our old friend Bunneh: A young Irish girl ran away from home. Some years later she returned and threw herself at her father's feet. "Forgive me, da', for I've brought shame to the family name. To survive, I became a prostitute!" "You're no child o' mine!" the father angrily shouts. "But da', I became very good at what I did, and I saved all me money to bring home to you. Look, I've brought you 10,000 pounds!" Father stares at the money and, amazed, asks "What did you say you became?" "A prostitute," the girl answers tearfully. "Oh, come into my arms my darling girl! For a minute there, I thought you'd said 'Protestant'!" tkdguy, Rails, Burrito Boy and 1 other 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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