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6 hours ago, Logan.1179 said:

DdERXf5XcAALhVM.jpg

 

 

Show me where Karl Marx is buried.....

 

                                                                ............and I'll show you a communist plot!

 

 

Lucius Alexander

 

Show me a Lucius Alexander tagline, and I'll show you a palindromedary

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A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and HMO paperwork and was burned out.

 

Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic.

 

He went to the Nashville Auto Diesel College, signed up for evening classes, attended diligently, and learned all he could.

 

When the time for the practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for weeks and completed the exam with tremendous skill.

 

When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%.

 

Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying, “I don’t want to appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wonder if there is an error in the grade.”

 

The instructor said, “During the exam, you took the engine apart perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark.

 

“You put the engine back together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark.”

 

After a pause, the instructor added, “I gave you an extra 50% because you did it all through the muffler, which I’ve never seen done in my entire career.”

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Bob and Jim were a couple of Newfie drinking buddies who worked as airplane mechanics in Gander , NFLD. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Bob said, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!"

Jim says "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz... You wanna try it?"

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane hooch and get completely smashed. The next morning Bob wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!

Then the phone rings...

It's Jim. Jim says, "Hey, how do you feel this morning?"

Bob says, "I feel great. How about you?"

Jim says, "I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?"

Bob says, "No, that jet fuel is great stuff no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often."

Jim says, "Yeah, well there's just one thing... Have you farted yet?"

Bob says, "No....."

"Well," Jim says, "DON'T! I'm in Thunder Bay!"

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1 hour ago, Lord Liaden said:

Not the part of the continent I expected to hear a Newfie joke from.

 

I'm in the South, true but I get the feeling  the same jokes told about New Foundland are told about my close relatives.  I didn't go LOOKING for Newfie Jokes, but random searches and I stumbled onto it and I admit it. It was so very Jeff Foxworthy in its way I related to it.

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A young lawyer died suddenly one day. He found himself standing at the Pearly Gates before St. Peter.

 

"This isn't fair," the lawyer complained. "I was forty-two years old and in perfect health! Why did I have to die?"

 

"That's very strange," St Peter replied. "We added up all of your billable hours, and we determined that you had to be at least a hundred and seven."

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Saw this one on the Book of Face today:

 

Kid: “Are you eating pie?”

 

Mom (eating pie): “No. This isn’t pie, it’s fruit casserole. You want some?”

 

Kid: “No. I don’t like casserole!”

 

Mom (whispering): “I know....”

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Heh.  Long ago I observed:

 

Many creatures feed their young on partially-digested regurgitated food.

 

Humans do not do this.

 

However, humans do make casseroles.

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I had lots of bad casseroles from Army kitchens in my formative years, so I admit to extreme bias here.

 

Also in that era, "casserole" all too often meant "smother it in canned soup and bake forever".  There were certain travesties inherent to 1950s and 1960s American cuisine.

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I think it's an aspect of Puritanism that has never faded away: that pleasureable things are sinful, and enduring disgusting, painful, and boring things accrues merit.

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