Jokes

[Cancer 5,283]

Also, things that you find while figuring out your psychiatrist is a cross-dresser.

[tkdguy 2,507]

How to insult a math teacher:

 

You put the ass in asymptote!

[Pariah 5,451]

1 minute ago, tkdguy said:

How to insult a math teacher:

 

  Hide contents

You put the ass in asymptote!

 

 

That joke is a sin.

[tkdguy 2,507]

Just now, Pariah said:

 

That joke is a sin.

 

Not cos or tan?

[Pariah 5,451]

Today's news story: A mountain lion came down from the hills above Salt Lake City and made its way onto the campus of the University of Utah. By the time state wildlife officials captured the big cat, it had accumulated $20,000 in student loan debt.

[Hermit 4,932]

 And so my wife says to me "You haven't heard a word I said." and I thought to myself "What an odd way to begin a conversation."

[Pariah 5,451]

Q: What did the chromosome say to the mRNA strand?

 

A: "Do these genes make me look fat?"

[Logan.1179 4,547]

I've just been to a disgusting pub called "The Fiddle."
It really was a vile inn.

[Cancer 5,283]

I assume it sappy old Romantic-era string music playing, too.

[Logan.1179 4,547]

[Cancer 5,283]

Note that Godel's Incompleteness Theorem means at least one of two things: (1) that there are true things which cannot be proven, or (2) it is possible to prove false things.

 

Also, I think the assumption in the first line is provably false: I think there exist math jokes which are infinitely long, and I put forward the conjecture that there exists more than one cardinality among the infinite-length math jokes, and I suspect that tools for judging those cardinalities do not exist.  Therefore, there are multiple match jokes which are infinitely long, and differing magnitudes of infinitely long, and you can't tell which.  Therefore it is impossible to assess when you have made a new math joke longer than the longest one, because you can't tell them apart, and therefore it is impossible even in principle to perform the first step in your proof. 

 

Therefore what you have here is a conjecture, not a proof, that there are infinitely many math jokes and none of them are good.

[archer 197]

Baby Formula:

 

M + F = B

[mattingly 1,011]

Don't forget to add the chemistry.

 

[Pariah 5,451]

Q: What did the cell say when his sister stepped on his toes?

 

Q: Mitosis.

[archer 197]

On 11/14/2018 at 7:19 PM, Pariah said:

Today's news story: A mountain lion came down from the hills above Salt Lake City and made its way onto the campus of the University of Utah. By the time state wildlife officials captured the big cat, it had accumulated $20,000 in student loan debt.

 

 

A man-eating lion escaped earlier this week onto the Harvard University campus.

 

Unfortunately, it starved to death before authorities could locate it.

[wcw43921 1,581]

4 hours ago, archer said:

 

 

A man-eating lion escaped earlier this week onto the Harvard University campus.

 

Unfortunately, it starved to death before authorities could locate it.

 

I always thought the Winklevoss Twins were rather manly.  And I'm secure enough in my own manliness to say that.

 

Ladies--doesn't that turn you on?

[tkdguy 2,507]

I once took a class in programming. My final grade was C++.

[Pariah 5,451]

With friends like Autocorrect, who needs enemas?

[mattingly 1,011]

Autocorrect can go to he'll.

[Pariah 5,451]

Q: Why was Heisenberg such a terrible lover?

A: Because when he got the momentum, he couldn't find the position, and when he found the position, he couldn't muster up the momentum.

[Pariah 5,451]

A man once saw Albert Einstein on a train. He approached and said, "Excuse me, Dr. Einstein, but may I ask you a question?"

 

"Of course," Einstein replied.

 

"Thank you," the man answered. "Tell me, does Boston stop at this train?"

[Pariah 5,451]

Did Schrödinger's cat have 18 half-lives?

[Pariah 5,451]

There are two fish in a tank.

 

One turns to the other and says, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

[Christougher 174]

When does a joke become a Dad joke?

 

 

When it becomes apparent.

[Pariah 5,451]

3 hours ago, Christougher said:

When does a joke become a Dad joke?

 

When it becomes apparent.

 

Hey, I resemble that remark!