Bazza Posted July 17, 2019 Report Share Posted July 17, 2019 I've got a really terrible pun about a Greek god... I feel I should Apollogise in advance... wcw43921 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted July 17, 2019 Report Share Posted July 17, 2019 As understudy in ‘Elton John The Musical’ I thought I'd get my chance when the lead actor went sick but they chose someone else... I'm still stand-in Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted July 17, 2019 Report Share Posted July 17, 2019 "What do you do for a living?" "I'm the lead singer in a ‘Black Eyed Peas’ tribute band” “I find that hard to believe” “Well I am”. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted July 17, 2019 Report Share Posted July 17, 2019 For my next trick, I will eat a percussion instrument in a wrap... Drum roll please... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted July 17, 2019 Report Share Posted July 17, 2019 I just yelled into a colander and strained my voice... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted July 17, 2019 Report Share Posted July 17, 2019 Can't believe they cancelled Vivaldi after four seasons... Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted July 17, 2019 Report Share Posted July 17, 2019 I met this guy who told me he hadn't had a bite in three days. So I bit him. Did you hear about the vampire who worked at the blood bank? He was fired for drinking on the job. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmjalund Posted July 17, 2019 Report Share Posted July 17, 2019 French boatmen are inSeine Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 17, 2019 Report Share Posted July 17, 2019 Sticks float. They wood. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Liaden Posted July 18, 2019 Report Share Posted July 18, 2019 I got this from a poster to YouTube named Ann van de Kew: __________________________________________________________ My father was doing some plowing one day, when I came running up and said: "Dad, there's a man at the door asking us who we will vote for and will we donate money." "That's okay" said my father. "Now you go back and find out what political party he is. If he's a republican, lock up the chicken house, cause he'll want to steal some chickens. If he's a democrat, lock up the moonshine, cause he'll tax it. And if he's Trump, sit between your mother's legs until I get there." wcw43921 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted July 19, 2019 Report Share Posted July 19, 2019 The situation at the cemetery is grave wcw43921 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted July 20, 2019 Report Share Posted July 20, 2019 A couple from the city is at a Pick-Your-Own berry farm, gathering berries and having a discussion about the differences between city and rural life. The husband says "I tell you, the people out here are just different. Weird even." The wife replies "No, people are just people no matter where they are." As they talk, one of the owners of the farm is driving by with a tractor loaded with manure. The husband whispers to her, "Oh yeah, watch this." He calls out to the farmer "Hey, what are you planning to do with that load of manure?" The farmer replies "I'm going to put it on my strawberries." As the farmer drives off, the husband turns to his wife and says "See! See! We put sugar and cream on ours!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted July 23, 2019 Report Share Posted July 23, 2019 “This soup tastes great!! What is it?”“Himalayan possum”“Where’d you find THAT?!”“I found Himalayan on the road.” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duke Bushido Posted July 23, 2019 Report Share Posted July 23, 2019 Sudden flashback to Savanah Smiles, there.... Thanks! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted July 24, 2019 Report Share Posted July 24, 2019 On 7/19/2019 at 4:40 PM, death tribble said: The situation at the cemetery is grave My hometown had a popular cemetery. People were dying to get in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted July 28, 2019 Report Share Posted July 28, 2019 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 29, 2019 Report Share Posted July 29, 2019 Let’s not start on the math jokes again. They’re so divisive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted July 29, 2019 Report Share Posted July 29, 2019 When God said "go fourth and multiply", he meant math jokes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted July 29, 2019 Report Share Posted July 29, 2019 16 hours ago, Bazza said: When God said "go fourth and multily", he meant math jokes. Because of your typo, I first read that as "go forth and mutilate". Don't know what that says about me, since "mutilate" looks nothing like "multily". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 30, 2019 Report Share Posted July 30, 2019 Siri kept calling me Shirley all day yesterday. Then I realized my iPhone was in Airplane mode. wcw43921 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted July 30, 2019 Report Share Posted July 30, 2019 How is a fart like a ninja? If you see one, something has gone horribly wrong. wcw43921 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christougher Posted July 30, 2019 Report Share Posted July 30, 2019 4 hours ago, Logan.1179 said: How is a fart like a ninja? Hide contents If you see one, something has gone horribly wrong. Because they are silent, fast and deadly? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted July 31, 2019 Report Share Posted July 31, 2019 Ents: their bark is worse than their bite. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 1, 2019 Report Share Posted August 1, 2019 A guy called his girlfriend because he needed help with his laundry. He said, "I want to wash this shirt, but I'm not sure what to do." His girlfriend said, "It depends on what it looks like and what it says on the shirt." He said, "The shirt is red and it says University of Nebraska." She said, "Wash it in hot water with 5 cups of bleach." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted August 2, 2019 Report Share Posted August 2, 2019 Works equally well for Collingwood. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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