Christougher 223 Posted May 23, 2020 Report Share Posted May 23, 2020 10 hours ago, Starlord said: Chuck Norris doesn’t test positive for Coronavirus, Coronavirus tests positive for Chuck Norris No it doesn't. If Coronavirus tested positive for Chuck Norris, there would be no Coronavirus. Starlord 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Christougher 223 Posted May 23, 2020 Report Share Posted May 23, 2020 7 minutes ago, Bazza said: Don’t get it. Fogerty is a singer, "Put Me In, Coach" is one of his hits. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
wcw43921 2,148 Posted May 24, 2020 Report Share Posted May 24, 2020 Here ya go. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YqY7e4bP9PQ I miss baseball. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Pariah 8,083 Posted May 24, 2020 Report Share Posted May 24, 2020 1 hour ago, wcw43921 said: I miss baseball. Seconded. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bazza 4,730 Posted May 24, 2020 Report Share Posted May 24, 2020 Shouldn’t that be second base? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Pariah 8,083 Posted May 24, 2020 Report Share Posted May 24, 2020 Not without dinner and flowers. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
tombrown803 43 Posted May 24, 2020 Report Share Posted May 24, 2020 20 hours ago, Bazza said: Shouldn’t that be second base? No, What is on second, not Shouldn't. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bazza 4,730 Posted May 25, 2020 Report Share Posted May 25, 2020 What is on third base, why is on first. And Shouldn’t is on second. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Duke Bushido 3,053 Posted May 25, 2020 Report Share Posted May 25, 2020 The brunch waiter walks up to the table and finds four Karens staring at him. "g-good, morning, Ladies. I-is.... anything okay....?" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Cancer 6,928 Posted May 26, 2020 Report Share Posted May 26, 2020 (scooped) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Duke Bushido 3,053 Posted May 26, 2020 Report Share Posted May 26, 2020 4 hours ago, Cancer said: (scooped) So.... Jackie Mason fan....? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bazza 4,730 Posted May 26, 2020 Report Share Posted May 26, 2020 A triangle said to the square, I’m now moving in different circles. L. Marcus 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Pariah 8,083 Posted May 26, 2020 Report Share Posted May 26, 2020 "Congratulations! Your flat Earth documentary was just nominated for an award!" "Cool, which one?" "A Golden Globe!" Lee 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Cancer 6,928 Posted May 27, 2020 Report Share Posted May 27, 2020 17 hours ago, Duke Bushido said: So.... Jackie Mason fan....? Nope, a John Fogerty fan, and it's from the title cut of his album Centerfield. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Duke Bushido 3,053 Posted May 27, 2020 Report Share Posted May 27, 2020 Ah. I had just recently heard the version I posted. I had heard it originally as a Jackie Mason joke, with the target being a a brunch club of yentas. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bazza 4,730 Posted May 30, 2020 Report Share Posted May 30, 2020 An angel came down for a meeting of the American Philosophical Association. Greeting the assembled philosophers, the angel offered to answer a single question for them. Immediately the philosophers set to arguing about what they should ask. So the angel said, “Alright, you figure out what you want to ask. I’ll come back tomorrow.” And he left the philosophers to deliberate. Some of the philosophers favored asking conjunctive questions, but others argued persuasively that the angel probably wouldn’t count this as a single question. One philosopher wanted to ask “What is the best question to ask?”, in the hope that some day another angel might make a similar offer, at which point they could then ask the best question. But this suggestion was rejected by those who feared that no such opportunity would arise and did not want to waste their only question. Finally, the philosophers agreed on the following question: “What is the ordered pair whose first member is the best question to ask, and whose second member is the answer to that question?” Satisfied with their decision, the philosophers awaited the angel’s return the next day, whereupon they posed their question. And the angel replied: “It is the ordered pair whose first member is the question you just asked, and whose second member is the answer I am now giving.” And then he disappeared. Duke Bushido 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Pariah 8,083 Posted June 2, 2020 Report Share Posted June 2, 2020 I got the words "Jacuzzi" and "Yakuza" confused. Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia. Christougher and tkdguy 1 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Logan.1179 6,258 Posted June 4, 2020 Report Share Posted June 4, 2020 What kind of prize do you give someone who hasn't moved a muscle in over a year? A trophy. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Bazza 4,730 Posted June 7, 2020 Report Share Posted June 7, 2020 An engineer, a scientist, a mathematician, and a philosopher are hiking through the hills of Scotland, when they see a lone black sheep in a field. The engineer says, “What do you know, it looks like the sheep around here are black.” The scientist looks at him skeptically and replies, “Well, at least some of them are.” The mathematician considers this for a moment and replies, “Well, at least one of them is.” Then the philosopher turns to them and says, “Well, at least on one side.” Quote Link to post Share on other sites
tkdguy 3,302 Posted June 7, 2020 Report Share Posted June 7, 2020 I used to date a pretty Hobbit lass, but I broke it off with her. I felt like I was getting the short end of the deal. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Pariah 8,083 Posted June 11, 2020 Report Share Posted June 11, 2020 Q: What's the difference between a <insert political party here> voter and a shopping cart? A: Shopping carts sometimes seem to have a mind of their own. mattingly 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Pariah 8,083 Posted June 11, 2020 Report Share Posted June 11, 2020 Archaeologists working in an ancient Egyptian pyramid unearthed a mummy covered and chocolate and hazelnuts. It's believed to be the tomb of Pharaoh Rocher. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Pariah 8,083 Posted June 11, 2020 Report Share Posted June 11, 2020 Detective: What was the cause of death? Coroner: Too much time in a sensory deprivation tank. Detective: That makes no sense. Coroner: I know what it does, Dave. mattingly 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Logan.1179 6,258 Posted June 13, 2020 Report Share Posted June 13, 2020 Dwayne Johnson paid me to clean up and organize his craft room, but sadly, I lost his scrapbook cutting tool. I lost Rock’s paper scissors. Pariah 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Logan.1179 6,258 Posted June 14, 2020 Report Share Posted June 14, 2020 My wife said that quilts are better than duvets... I told her to be careful making blanket statements like that. Pariah 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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