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13 hours ago, Bazza said:

 

On 7/9/2020 at 11:09 AM, Pariah said:

I tried throwing a boomerang a few weeks ago. Now I'm living in constant fear.

 

Maybe it was a stick. 

 

You can't lose a homing pigeon.

If it doesn't come back, what you've lost is...

a pigeon.

(Mitch Hedberg)

 

 

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Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one — and let the other off. 

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Ms. Johnson was teaching her sixth grade science class when she asked, "Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to ten times its normal size when stimulated?" 

 

Most of the class sat in awkward silence, but two students raised their hands: Mary and Sam. Ms. Johnson called on Mary.

 

Mary said, "How dare you ask us a question like this! This is completely inappropriate! I'm going to tell my parents, and they'll call the principal, and you'll get fired."

 

Me. Johnson took a deep breath. "Sam? Do you know?"

 

Sam answered, "It's the iris of the eye."

 

"That's correct, Sam," Ms. Johnson said. Then she turned her attention back to Mary. "Young lady, three things have become quite obvious to me. First, you didn't do your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed."

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AWKWARDNESS

 

That moment after you've recorded the entire "Hoarding" TV series but only then find out it is neither a how-to guide to more efficiently hoard things nor is it about World of Warcraft.

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4 hours ago, Logan.1179 said:

My son Luke loves that we named our children after Star Wars characters.

 

My daughter Chewbacca not so much.

 

Ungrateful daughter...Chewie had great hair.

 

And their son Greedo is a shoe-in for Harvard's business school.

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I was flipping through my copy of Les Miserables the other day when my 6 year old boy asked me, "Daddy, why is that book so thick?"

 

I said, "Well, son, it's a long story."

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I can neither confirm nor deny the truth of the statement.

 

Or, to misquote Erwin Schrödinger, the statement could be true, or false, or both.

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On 7/31/2020 at 2:51 PM, Pariah said:

Or, to misquote Erwin Schrödinger, the statement could be true, or false, or both.

 

Or neither!

 

Many years back, I saw an interview with Siskel and Ebert. One reporter asked if they really liked each other or really hated each other.

Simultaneously, one said "Neither" and the other said "Both."

 

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