Pariah Posted August 24, 2020 Report Share Posted August 24, 2020 A man walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a corona and two hurricanes." The bartender says, "That'll be $20.20." Logan D. Hurricanes 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted August 24, 2020 Report Share Posted August 24, 2020 Pariah just beat me! But I think the meme makes it even funnier, so here it is. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted August 24, 2020 Report Share Posted August 24, 2020 A friend told me she's not good with Dad jokes. Since she's not a dad, she's afraid that if she told one, it would be a faux pa. Ockham's Spoon and Pariah 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted August 24, 2020 Report Share Posted August 24, 2020 Two blondes are driving through Michigan and get to Sault Ste. Marie when they start to argue about how it's pronounced. Frustrated (and a bit hungry), they pull into a fast food place and go inside. After they place their orders, one of the blondes asked the cashier, "Could you help settle a bet for my friend and me? How exactly is this place pronounced?" The cashier looks at her for a moment and then says, very slowly "Burrrgerrr Kiiiing" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted August 25, 2020 Report Share Posted August 25, 2020 It wasn’t much fun when I broke my neck in an accident a few months ago. But now I can look back and laugh. wcw43921 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starlord Posted August 25, 2020 Report Share Posted August 25, 2020 dougmacd and Ockham's Spoon 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 25, 2020 Report Share Posted August 25, 2020 A physicist went to court to plead not guilty to the charge of running a red light. With charts and graphs he explained to the judge how the light may have appeared red to the police officer sitting at the side of the road, but for him the light was blue-shifted due to the Doppler effect and appeared green to him. The judge listened patiently, nodding occasionally and asking a few questions to clarify. In the end, the judge dismissed the charge of failure to stop at the red light..and then fined him $500 for speeding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted August 26, 2020 Report Share Posted August 26, 2020 Everyone was excited to be at our autopsy club this evening. It was open Mike night. Amorkca and slikmar 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starlord Posted August 27, 2020 Report Share Posted August 27, 2020 Christougher and slikmar 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted August 28, 2020 Report Share Posted August 28, 2020 Seen on roll20: "Ignatz the Wizard uses Bigby's Digital Rectal Exam!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted August 29, 2020 Report Share Posted August 29, 2020 2 hours ago, Cancer said: Seen on roll20: "Ignatz the Wizard uses Bigby's Digital Rectal Exam!" I do not want to SEE that on roll20. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted August 29, 2020 Report Share Posted August 29, 2020 Raw brilliance from late 1979 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slikmar Posted August 29, 2020 Report Share Posted August 29, 2020 The critical and fumble results must truly be horrifying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted August 29, 2020 Report Share Posted August 29, 2020 #ThinkingTheSameThing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted August 29, 2020 Report Share Posted August 29, 2020 18 hours ago, Cancer said: "Ignatz the Wizard uses Bigby's Digital Rectal Exam!" wcw43921, Duke Bushido, Christougher and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted August 29, 2020 Report Share Posted August 29, 2020 I knock on the fridge door before I open it. Just in case there’s a salad dressing. wcw43921 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted August 30, 2020 Report Share Posted August 30, 2020 (AP) President Trump this morning in a Rose Garden ceremony announced what he called a "Sun Shot" comparable to the Moon Shot NASA efforts of the 1960's and 1970's. The President stated, "The Sun is a great big ball of plasma. It's a beautiful ball of plasma and the largest one in the entire solar system. And the United States will be bringing back enough plasma to treat all of our COVID-19 patients. I usually call it the China virus. Or the Wuhan virus. But I only call it that because that's what it is. If China had dealt with it, we wouldn't have to be dealing with it. But we're going to be bringing back enough sun plasma, you know the experts say that plasma is a great treatment and we're going to be giving it to Americans. We might even make money on this by selling sun plasma to other countries. Someone will have to run the numbers on that, but we can sell it to other countries as well. We're going to heal the whole world if we have to. And America will be the number one plasma country on the planet. Maybe before the election, maybe afterward but soon." In an unrelated story, the heads of the CDC and NASA issued a joint statement this evening that they would no longer have both agencies doing presidential briefings on the same day. aylwin13, BoloOfEarth and Ockham's Spoon 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted August 30, 2020 Report Share Posted August 30, 2020 2 hours ago, archer said: (AP) President Trump this morning in a Rose Garden ceremony announced what he called a "Sun Shot" comparable to the Moon Shot NASA efforts of the 1960's and 1970's. The President stated, "The Sun is a great big ball of plasma. It's a beautiful ball of plasma and the largest one in the entire solar system. And the United States will be bringing back enough plasma to treat all of our COVID-19 patients. I usually call it the China virus. Or the Wuhan virus. But I only call it that because that's what it is. If China had dealt with it, we wouldn't have to be dealing with it. But we're going to be bringing back enough sun plasma, you know the experts say that plasma is a great treatment and we're going to be giving it to Americans. We might even make money on this by selling sun plasma to other countries. Someone will have to run the numbers on that, but we can sell it to other countries as well. We're going to heal the whole world if we have to. And America will be the number one plasma country on the planet. Maybe before the election, maybe afterward but soon." In an unrelated story, the heads of the CDC and NASA issued a joint statement this evening that they would no longer have both agencies doing presidential briefings on the same day. When asked about the dangers of landing a probe on the sun, the President responded, "Of course, we'll land it at night when the sun is off." Ockham's Spoon and aylwin13 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted August 30, 2020 Report Share Posted August 30, 2020 Duke Bushido 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted September 1, 2020 Report Share Posted September 1, 2020 I asked an electrician to fix an electrical issue at my house. He Refused. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 3, 2020 Report Share Posted September 3, 2020 What a revolting development. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted September 3, 2020 Report Share Posted September 3, 2020 I got mugged by six dwarfs yesterday. Not Happy. tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted September 4, 2020 Report Share Posted September 4, 2020 Comic sans walks into a bar. The bartender says “Sorry - we don’t serve your type.” Pariah and tkdguy 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 4, 2020 Report Share Posted September 4, 2020 As you've probably heard, the Rock and his family are recovering from COVID-19. Apparently the first symptom was that they couldn't smell what he was cooking. slikmar and tkdguy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted September 4, 2020 Report Share Posted September 4, 2020 15 hours ago, Bazza said: Comic sans walks into a bar. The bartender says “Sorry - we don’t serve your type.” I'm a font of wisdom. But no one takes me seriously, because I'm Comic Sans. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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