Pariah Posted November 11, 2020 Report Share Posted November 11, 2020 8 hours ago, Cancer said: "I haven't," said Cancer, as he bumped into things knocking them over in a dark room. So, just another night at the observatory? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted November 11, 2020 Report Share Posted November 11, 2020 My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed. After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence. Rails and wcw43921 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted November 11, 2020 Report Share Posted November 11, 2020 Why does Spiderman hate driving with his evil twin? Because he’s a bad parallel Parker Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted November 11, 2020 Report Share Posted November 11, 2020 Young Timmy rushed out on Christmas morning, anticipating that he'd be getting a new Nintendo Console this year. "Surprise!" shouted his parents. "We know you wanted video games, but we think you need to get outdoors more. We got you this set of fishing gear! Unfortunately, it was rather expensive, so we could only get you the lures and bait. We'll get you the poles for your birthday." Poor little Timmy was devastated, as he'd never even fished before in his life. He sadly opened the tackle box, but to his surprise, there was a Nintendo Switch inside! He had been completely fooled! Both Timmy and his parents laughed. They had gotten him with the old "Bait and Switch" tactic. mattingly, Ockham's Spoon and Christougher 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted November 11, 2020 Report Share Posted November 11, 2020 Went on a website claiming to offer the best diet program but I'll admit to being skeptical. The first thing the site asked me was if I accepted cookies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted November 11, 2020 Report Share Posted November 11, 2020 I saw a cow spontaneously catch on fire the other day. Guess you could call it a medium rare experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted November 11, 2020 Report Share Posted November 11, 2020 A limbo dancer walks into a bar... He immediately got disqualified. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted November 11, 2020 Report Share Posted November 11, 2020 I told a knock knock joke while trick or treating last Halloween I only got a couple Snickers.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted November 11, 2020 Report Share Posted November 11, 2020 Bono and Edge walk into the bar and the barman says, "Oh No, not U2 again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted November 11, 2020 Report Share Posted November 11, 2020 They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now! slikmar 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted November 11, 2020 Report Share Posted November 11, 2020 If you keep sticking to your guns... ...then hot glue may not be for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted November 11, 2020 Report Share Posted November 11, 2020 What form of birth control works better with holes in it? Crocs Duke Bushido 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted November 11, 2020 Report Share Posted November 11, 2020 My daughter wants a pony for Christmas. Well, usually we have duck, but we're willing to try new things. mattingly 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted November 11, 2020 Report Share Posted November 11, 2020 How did Spock find the beautiful alien princess in the tall grass? With a tricorder. How did Captain Kirk find her twin sister in the tall grass? Nice, very nice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted November 11, 2020 Report Share Posted November 11, 2020 A woman asked an Army General when the last time he had made love to a woman. The general replied "1956, ma'am." The woman, in disbelief said, "1956?! That long? Come with me and let me make your night better." The woman and general went back to her apartment and made passionate love for over an hour. Afterwards, the woman cuddled up to the general and said, "Well, you sure haven't forgotten anything since 1956." The general looked at her, confused, and replied, "I sure hope not, it's only 2130 now." Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted November 11, 2020 Report Share Posted November 11, 2020 What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted November 11, 2020 Report Share Posted November 11, 2020 Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll be a redneck for life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted November 11, 2020 Report Share Posted November 11, 2020 A blonde kept begging her history teacher for an extra credit assignment. The teacher finally exasperated, told her that she could earn extra credit by memorizing the entire Gettysburg Address and reciting it in from of the class. Three weeks later, the blonde stood in front of the class and recited the whole thing: 1201 Wainwright Ave, Gettysburg, PA 17325 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted November 11, 2020 Report Share Posted November 11, 2020 What's the difference between a guitar player and a couch? A couch can support a family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted November 12, 2020 Report Share Posted November 12, 2020 I own the world's worst thesaurus. Not only is it awful, it's awful. Duke Bushido and BoloOfEarth 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted November 13, 2020 Report Share Posted November 13, 2020 I ordered a thesaurus online, but when it arrived all the pages were blank. I literally have no words to describe how angry I am. Duke Bushido 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted November 14, 2020 Report Share Posted November 14, 2020 The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle. It was a vile inn. Duke Bushido 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted November 15, 2020 Report Share Posted November 15, 2020 The worst pub is a pub with no beer. Released in 1957. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted November 15, 2020 Report Share Posted November 15, 2020 How to tell if you have no sense of humor: When waiting to be seated at a restaurant, you never gave the name "Donner" so the waitress would have to announce "Donner party? Donner, party of four? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted November 16, 2020 Report Share Posted November 16, 2020 17 hours ago, archer said: How to tell if you have no sense of humor: When waiting to be seated at a restaurant, you never gave the name "Donner" so the waitress would have to announce "Donner party? Donner, party of four? Followed by "Donner, party of three..." archer and Pariah 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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