Ockham's Spoon Posted January 3, 2021 Report Share Posted January 3, 2021 2 hours ago, archer said: Could very well be. I was stressed over knowing I'd have to deal with the pharmacy's screw-up today so I didn't sleep at all, my mind is more than a little screwed up at the moment, and I have no sense of balance (but I am managing to sit in a chair without being in danger of falling out which is an improvement over a couple of hours ago 👍). Remembering which jokes I've seen where...not really surprised if I posted one twice. It'd be more of a surprise if I didn't. I caught myself a couple of time just today starting to repost something I'd already posted today. If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, just pretend that I'm deliberately flattering myself. I posted a version back just before Thanksgiving, but I'll take it as flattery 😀 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted January 5, 2021 Report Share Posted January 5, 2021 I bought coconut shampoo today, but when I got home, I realized... I don't even *have* a coconut. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starlord Posted January 5, 2021 Report Share Posted January 5, 2021 Coconut does tend have an abundance of white flakes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted January 6, 2021 Report Share Posted January 6, 2021 So is this forum a coconut? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slikmar Posted January 6, 2021 Report Share Posted January 6, 2021 Was it brought by a Swallow? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 6, 2021 Report Share Posted January 6, 2021 What do you mean, African or European? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted January 6, 2021 Report Share Posted January 6, 2021 My boss said, "I find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays." I said, "It must be my weekend immune system." wcw43921 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BoloOfEarth Posted January 6, 2021 Report Share Posted January 6, 2021 An epidemiologist, a scientist, and a doctor walk into a bar... ...just kidding, they know better! Pariah and Duke Bushido 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 7, 2021 Report Share Posted January 7, 2021 A man and his wife, both die-hard Trump supporters, passed away suddenly and found themselves standing at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter greeted them and welcomed them to Heaven. He then told them, "One of the perks of admission is that you can ask me any one question, and I will answer truthfully." Without hesitation, the man asked, "What really happened with the 2020 presidential election?" St Peter smiled. "I've been getting that one a lot recently," he said. "The truth of the matter is that nothing of consequence happened in the election. There was no voter fraud, there were no lost or missing ballots, and there was no widespread corruption. The election was safe and secure. The will of the American people was done." The man immediately turned to his wife and said, "My goodness, honey! This conspiracy goes up even higher than I thought!" aylwin13, Tjack and slikmar 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted January 7, 2021 Report Share Posted January 7, 2021 I’d like to cancel my subscription to 2021 I’ve experienced the 7 day trial and I’m not interested Pariah, Ockham's Spoon and Christougher 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted January 7, 2021 Report Share Posted January 7, 2021 The leaders of the free world gather to discuss the problems of a struggling nation The French start: "The Age of Enlightenment started here. We'll help spread progressive ideas." The Germans follow: "We have a very stable economy, we'll help lower national debt." The Japanese join in: "Our scientist are the best in the world. We pledge to help battle the spreading disease." The Swedish add: "Our healthcare system is the finest. We'll teach them how to help those in need." Even Denmark speaks up: "Our country is extremely safe. We can help lower violence and aggression." The Canadians look bewildered: "What are we supposed to do?" The other leaders look at each other. "Well, since it's your neighbor we though you'd be the one to tell them." Starlord 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted January 7, 2021 Report Share Posted January 7, 2021 Two drunk people are walking down a road. The first one says, "What a beautiful night...look at that bright, full moon." The second man stops and looks at his drunk friends. "You fool, that's the sun, not the moon", he mumbles. Soon, they start arguing. As they are arguing, they pass by another drunk man. They both stop his ask him, "Can you tell us whether that thing up in the sky is the sun or the moon?" The drunk man looks up, and then looks back and says, "Sorry, I don't live around here." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted January 7, 2021 Report Share Posted January 7, 2021 Optimist:The glass is half full Pesimist:The glass is half empty Engineer:The glass is double the necessary size Starlord 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted January 7, 2021 Report Share Posted January 7, 2021 That’s why there are designers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 7, 2021 Report Share Posted January 7, 2021 5 hours ago, archer said: Optimist:The glass is half full Pesimist:The glass is half empty Engineer:The glass is double the necessary size Chemist: The glass is full, containing 50% water, 39.5% elemental nitrogen, 10% elemental oxygen, and 0.5% trace gases by volume. Starlord 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted January 7, 2021 Report Share Posted January 7, 2021 8 hours ago, archer said: Optimist:The glass is half full Pesimist:The glass is half empty Engineer:The glass is double the necessary size 7 hours ago, Bazza said: That’s why there are designers. But Marketing overrides the engineer and designer, because the Beverage Division will sell more product when the available glasses are larger than needed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christougher Posted January 7, 2021 Report Share Posted January 7, 2021 10 hours ago, archer said: Optimist:The glass is half full Pesimist:The glass is half empty Engineer:The glass is double the necessary size Waitress: The glass needs a refill. archer 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starlord Posted January 7, 2021 Report Share Posted January 7, 2021 10 hours ago, archer said: Optimist:The glass is half full Pesimist:The glass is half empty Engineer:The glass is double the necessary size Opportunist: There's a funny T-shirt or poster in there somewhere.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted January 7, 2021 Report Share Posted January 7, 2021 My doctor told me I'm going deaf. The news was hard for me to hear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted January 8, 2021 Report Share Posted January 8, 2021 An outdoorsman was sitting in his kayak when it started to get cold. He decided to light a fire in the craft, but, naturally, it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too. Starlord, BoloOfEarth and Ockham's Spoon 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 8, 2021 Report Share Posted January 8, 2021 Q: What's the difference between Mordor and the United States Capitol building? Spoiler A: One does not simply walk into Mordor. Too soon? Hugh Neilson and Ockham's Spoon 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted January 11, 2021 Report Share Posted January 11, 2021 World's Oldest Orangutan Dies https://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/latest-news/worlds-oldest-orangutan-inji-dies-23294748 (This is a do-it-yourself joke kit.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted January 11, 2021 Report Share Posted January 11, 2021 My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list. Now I can’t read any of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted January 11, 2021 Report Share Posted January 11, 2021 One evening an old farmer decided to go down to the pond down at the edge of his land. There were fruit trees surrounding the pond so before he left home, he grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring some fruit back with him. As he neared the pond, he heard voices and laughter. When he got around the trees and bushes, he saw it was a group of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He yelled out so that they could see he was there. They shrieked and moved to the deep end. One of the women angrily shouted at the old man, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned and said, "I didn't come here to watch you ladies swim naked." Holding up his bucket he said, "I'm just here to feed the alligator." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted January 11, 2021 Report Share Posted January 11, 2021 The history of boy bands proves the theory of evolution: They all descended from The Monkees. slikmar, Tjack and Pariah 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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