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Jokes


Dust Raven

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22 hours ago, archer said:

Without D&D, I would never have felt a need to develop what social skills I have, and if you think I’m utterly lacking in social graces now, imagine me without 35 years of practice blending in with humans

 

Well that's your problem. You never realized that those weren't humans. 👽

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Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."

 

The man replies, "And how would you do that?"

 

The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside down from the ceiling.

 

The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"

 

The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."

 

The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."

 

The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"

 

The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."

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Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best! Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers...Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over."

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Four men at a bar discuss the most difficult sport to play. The first man says, “I’m a football player, it’s the hardest sport in the world to play! You’ve gotta be in top physical condition and have excellent situational awareness.”

 

The second man, an older gentleman wearing a collared shirt, says “Sorry champ, but the actual hardest sport to play is golf. Every swing of the club is a calculated symphony of body mechanics; the mental fortitude you need is unreal!”

 

The third man, adorned in a gray peacoat, says “Gentleman, I have played in chess tournaments across 3 continents, and I can assure you that chess is the most difficult sport of all. You need to memorize and recall 30,000 moves before you can even face a college team!”

 

They all drink and then turn their attention to the fourth man who had baggy eyes and calloused fingers.

 

The football player says “What do you do?”

 

The man replies, “Well I’m a cricket player.”

 

“I’m sure you think cricket is the hardest thing to play then?”

 

Man says, “You bet your butt it is, you know how hard it is to get those things to chirp on key?”

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A director wanted to make a movie about Batman, but DC wouldn't allow him to film it.

 

He decided he would just make the movie anyway, but instead of using the character's real names he would take away the last letter of their names.

 

Batman became Batma and he fought crime with his trusty partners Alfre and Robi. The film then showed the dynamic duo and their butler fighting crime all over the city.

 

Near the end of the movie, though, Batma is supposed to go into the criminal base and find his arch nemesis there. The filming starts, and Batma bursts through the door to the base.

 

As he looks around, his expression is one of confusion as he says "Where is the Joke?"

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