death tribble Posted February 2, 2021 Report Share Posted February 2, 2021 Th ultimate winner in Highlander was to be a Spaniard or a Mexican after all 'There Can Be Only Juan......' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted February 3, 2021 Report Share Posted February 3, 2021 What do you call someone who points out the obvious? Someone who points out the obvious. mattingly 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted February 3, 2021 Report Share Posted February 3, 2021 Huh. I was sure the answer to that was "Annoying." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted February 3, 2021 Report Share Posted February 3, 2021 Obviously. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
death tribble Posted February 3, 2021 Report Share Posted February 3, 2021 911 is a joke Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 3, 2021 Report Share Posted February 3, 2021 Isn't it 999 where you are? Or did they change it to 0118 999 88199 9119 725 ... 3? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted February 5, 2021 Report Share Posted February 5, 2021 Sauron's army advancing toward us: Uruk-hai Sauron's army retreating from us: Uruk-bye Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted February 7, 2021 Report Share Posted February 7, 2021 Without D&D, I would never have felt a need to develop what social skills I have, and if you think I’m utterly lacking in social graces now, imagine me without 35 years of practice blending in with humans Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 7, 2021 Report Share Posted February 7, 2021 I've just discovered that that Einstein was an actual scientist. All this time, I've been thinking he was just a theoretical physicist. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted February 7, 2021 Report Share Posted February 7, 2021 7 hours ago, Pariah said: I've just discovered that that Einstein was an actual scientist. I met a microbiologist. He was much taller than I expected. wcw43921 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Liaden Posted February 7, 2021 Report Share Posted February 7, 2021 22 hours ago, archer said: Without D&D, I would never have felt a need to develop what social skills I have, and if you think I’m utterly lacking in social graces now, imagine me without 35 years of practice blending in with humans Well that's your problem. You never realized that those weren't humans. 👽 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted February 7, 2021 Report Share Posted February 7, 2021 🌟 🌌 🌠 🎑 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 8, 2021 Report Share Posted February 8, 2021 Last night my wife asked me if I had seen the dog bowl. I said, "I had no idea he could do that." wcw43921 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted February 8, 2021 Report Share Posted February 8, 2021 ..."No, but he's pretty good at darts." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 8, 2021 Report Share Posted February 8, 2021 Among the many wagers available for last night's game, one of them was who would throw the most times, Patrick Mahomes or Tom Brady. On a whim, I wrote in "The officiating crew". I woke up this morning to discover that I had won $332,000. slikmar 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 8, 2021 Report Share Posted February 8, 2021 Her: "You've got to stop drinking in front of the kids." Me: "If I start drinking behind them, who's gonna drive the car?" Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted February 8, 2021 Report Share Posted February 8, 2021 Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off." The man replies, "And how would you do that?" The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?" The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb." The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off." The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?" The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted February 8, 2021 Report Share Posted February 8, 2021 Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered." The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded." The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best! Everything inside them is in alphabetical order." The fourth surgeon chimes in, "You know, I like construction workers...Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted February 9, 2021 Report Share Posted February 9, 2021 Four men at a bar discuss the most difficult sport to play. The first man says, “I’m a football player, it’s the hardest sport in the world to play! You’ve gotta be in top physical condition and have excellent situational awareness.” The second man, an older gentleman wearing a collared shirt, says “Sorry champ, but the actual hardest sport to play is golf. Every swing of the club is a calculated symphony of body mechanics; the mental fortitude you need is unreal!” The third man, adorned in a gray peacoat, says “Gentleman, I have played in chess tournaments across 3 continents, and I can assure you that chess is the most difficult sport of all. You need to memorize and recall 30,000 moves before you can even face a college team!” They all drink and then turn their attention to the fourth man who had baggy eyes and calloused fingers. The football player says “What do you do?” The man replies, “Well I’m a cricket player.” “I’m sure you think cricket is the hardest thing to play then?” Man says, “You bet your butt it is, you know how hard it is to get those things to chirp on key?” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted February 9, 2021 Report Share Posted February 9, 2021 A Russian political prisoner goes to one of the guards and asks for a copy of his favorite book. The guard makes a phone call then tells him, "We don’t have a copy of the book but we have the author across the hall." Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted February 9, 2021 Report Share Posted February 9, 2021 Cricket test matches can go 5 days before there is a result, and if no result, it is called a draw. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted February 9, 2021 Report Share Posted February 9, 2021 A director wanted to make a movie about Batman, but DC wouldn't allow him to film it. He decided he would just make the movie anyway, but instead of using the character's real names he would take away the last letter of their names. Batman became Batma and he fought crime with his trusty partners Alfre and Robi. The film then showed the dynamic duo and their butler fighting crime all over the city. Near the end of the movie, though, Batma is supposed to go into the criminal base and find his arch nemesis there. The filming starts, and Batma bursts through the door to the base. As he looks around, his expression is one of confusion as he says "Where is the Joke?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted February 9, 2021 Report Share Posted February 9, 2021 A man has been shot with a starting pistol. Police are pretty sure it's race related. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted February 9, 2021 Report Share Posted February 9, 2021 How many Kansas City Chiefs does it take to change a flat tire? Just one, unless it's a blowout. Then the whole team shows up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted February 9, 2021 Report Share Posted February 9, 2021 The CDC is announcing the Kansas City Vaccine. After you take it, you won’t catch anything. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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