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Dust Raven

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New Magic Items -

 

Gauntlets Of Ice And Fire: Each pair of these gauntlets takes progressively longer to produce, and the more people whine about when the next one will be ready, the crankier the crafter gets. Those wearing the gauntlets have a tendency to describe every meal they eat in great detail, visit whores, and murder people at weddings. Also, they will make any weapon or shield held either flaming (for +1d8) or cold (for +1d6), but not both at once. That would just be silly.

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"The defining artist for Arduin, and indeed for the spirit, style, and soul of all that is old-school and awesome, is Greg Espinoza. If I win the lottery, I’ll hire him for my own game line (“Lose-A-Fortune Games”), if he’s alive and working. If he’s not alive, I’ll hire a necromancer. If he’s not doing fantasy art anymore, I’ll hire Dick Cheney to convince him. But I digress...."

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16 hours ago, archer said:

Gauntlets Of Ice And Fire: Each pair of these gauntlets takes progressively longer to produce, and the more people whine about when the next one will be ready, the crankier the crafter gets. Those wearing the gauntlets have a tendency to describe every meal they eat in great detail, visit whores, and murder people at weddings. Also, they will make any weapon or shield held either flaming (for +1d8) or cold (for +1d6), but not both at once. That would just be silly.

 

It goes great with a Cask of Whine.

 

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On 2/10/2021 at 7:10 AM, Starlord said:

An enthusiastic, yet ill-conceived new group of fans is forming after the Tampa Bay Buccaneers recent Super Bowl success.  They call themselves The Arians Nation.

 

Which reminds me of this one:

 

On Halloween one year, a kid came to a house in a Cap'n Jack Sparrow costume, rang the doorbell, said "Arrrr, Trick or Treat."

 

"O, cute!" said the woman who answered.  "A pirate!  But where are your buccaneers?"

 

The kid considered and replied, "Under me buckin' hat, lady."

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  • 2 weeks later...

  This is not really a joke, because it actually happened, but it’s the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. 
   Some poor bastid decides to go bungee jumping and have a friend record it. So they go early in the morning and this shmuck is the first one of the day. And I guess somebody must have moved or lowered the crane during the night....not much, just a few feet.

   So Dum-Dum jumps off. (The fact that he jumped off a perfectly good crane is why I call him Dum-Dum) and everything goes to plan...at first.  You can tell he’s thinking,

“This is fantastic!”

“Oh good the bungee is slowing me down now!”

”The ground is getting awfully close!”

The bungee extends all the way to the ground enough to let this guy slap into the ground with his chest and face before bouncing back up.

”OH DEAR GOD THAT HURT!!”  “But I’m alive!” “I’m gonna sue the s#1t outta somebody, but I’m alive! 
As this is happening the bungee has retracted all the way back...and gravity takes over again.

”All right I’m ok and their going to get me loose now....oh no.”

BAM!
This happens FIVE TIMES.

All you can hear on the soundtrack is the crowd screaming and the buddy laughing his ass off.

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8 hours ago, Tjack said:

  This is not really a joke, because it actually happened, but it’s the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. 
   Some poor bastid decides to go bungee jumping and have a friend record it. So they go early in the morning and this shmuck is the first one of the day. And I guess somebody must have moved or lowered the crane during the night....not much, just a few feet.

   So Dum-Dum jumps off. (The fact that he jumped off a perfectly good crane is why I call him Dum-Dum) and everything goes to plan...at first.  You can tell he’s thinking,

“This is fantastic!”

“Oh good the bungee is slowing me down now!”

”The ground is getting awfully close!”

The bungee extends all the way to the ground enough to let this guy slap into the ground with his chest and face before bouncing back up.

”OH DEAR GOD THAT HURT!!”  “But I’m alive!” “I’m gonna sue the s#1t outta somebody, but I’m alive! 
As this is happening the bungee has retracted all the way back...and gravity takes over again.

”All right I’m ok and their going to get me loose now....oh no.”

BAM!
This happens FIVE TIMES.

All you can hear on the soundtrack is the crowd screaming and the buddy laughing his ass off.

 

Were you the dum-dum or the buddy?

 

 

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