Starlord Posted February 10, 2021 Report Share Posted February 10, 2021 An enthusiastic, yet ill-conceived new group of fans is forming after the Tampa Bay Buccaneers recent Super Bowl success. They call themselves The Arians Nation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted February 10, 2021 Report Share Posted February 10, 2021 I hate how funerals are always at 9am. I'm not really a mourning person. wcw43921 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 10, 2021 Report Share Posted February 10, 2021 Pariah → ← Logan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 11, 2021 Report Share Posted February 11, 2021 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 11, 2021 Report Share Posted February 11, 2021 Q: What do you call an alligator who's wearing a vest? Spoiler A: An investigator. Q: What do you call an alligator with an Instagram account? Spoiler A: An instigator. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 11, 2021 Report Share Posted February 11, 2021 I saw a bumper sticker today that said, "I'm a veterinarian, so I'm allowed to drive like an animal." It suddenly became apparent to me how many proctologists there are on the road. slikmar and BoloOfEarth 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted February 12, 2021 Report Share Posted February 12, 2021 This really is bottom of the barrel. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted February 12, 2021 Report Share Posted February 12, 2021 That depends on whether you're carrying it muzzle high or muzzle low. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted February 15, 2021 Report Share Posted February 15, 2021 New Magic Items - Gauntlets Of Ice And Fire: Each pair of these gauntlets takes progressively longer to produce, and the more people whine about when the next one will be ready, the crankier the crafter gets. Those wearing the gauntlets have a tendency to describe every meal they eat in great detail, visit whores, and murder people at weddings. Also, they will make any weapon or shield held either flaming (for +1d8) or cold (for +1d6), but not both at once. That would just be silly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted February 15, 2021 Report Share Posted February 15, 2021 "The defining artist for Arduin, and indeed for the spirit, style, and soul of all that is old-school and awesome, is Greg Espinoza. If I win the lottery, I’ll hire him for my own game line (“Lose-A-Fortune Games”), if he’s alive and working. If he’s not alive, I’ll hire a necromancer. If he’s not doing fantasy art anymore, I’ll hire Dick Cheney to convince him. But I digress...." death tribble 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 15, 2021 Report Share Posted February 15, 2021 What's the difference between a riddle and a rhetorical question? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted February 15, 2021 Report Share Posted February 15, 2021 19 minutes ago, Pariah said: What's the difference between a riddle and a rhetorical question? A Sphinx asks a riddle and everyone wants to answer. But on the other hand when someone asks a rhetorical question, everyone wants to answer. death tribble 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted February 15, 2021 Report Share Posted February 15, 2021 16 hours ago, archer said: Gauntlets Of Ice And Fire: Each pair of these gauntlets takes progressively longer to produce, and the more people whine about when the next one will be ready, the crankier the crafter gets. Those wearing the gauntlets have a tendency to describe every meal they eat in great detail, visit whores, and murder people at weddings. Also, they will make any weapon or shield held either flaming (for +1d8) or cold (for +1d6), but not both at once. That would just be silly. It goes great with a Cask of Whine. Duke Bushido 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted February 17, 2021 Report Share Posted February 17, 2021 Then there was the auto mechanic who one day declared he would never again work on Swedish cars. He was tired of listening to other people's Saab stories. wcw43921 and Pariah 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted February 18, 2021 Report Share Posted February 18, 2021 On 2/10/2021 at 7:10 AM, Starlord said: An enthusiastic, yet ill-conceived new group of fans is forming after the Tampa Bay Buccaneers recent Super Bowl success. They call themselves The Arians Nation. Which reminds me of this one: On Halloween one year, a kid came to a house in a Cap'n Jack Sparrow costume, rang the doorbell, said "Arrrr, Trick or Treat." "O, cute!" said the woman who answered. "A pirate! But where are your buccaneers?" The kid considered and replied, "Under me buckin' hat, lady." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wcw43921 Posted February 26, 2021 Report Share Posted February 26, 2021 "If you put "based on a true story" at the top of your resume you can basically write whatever you want."--Conan O'Brien slikmar 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted February 27, 2021 Report Share Posted February 27, 2021 If at first you don't succeed... then skydiving is not for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tjack Posted February 27, 2021 Report Share Posted February 27, 2021 This is not really a joke, because it actually happened, but it’s the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. Some poor bastid decides to go bungee jumping and have a friend record it. So they go early in the morning and this shmuck is the first one of the day. And I guess somebody must have moved or lowered the crane during the night....not much, just a few feet. So Dum-Dum jumps off. (The fact that he jumped off a perfectly good crane is why I call him Dum-Dum) and everything goes to plan...at first. You can tell he’s thinking, “This is fantastic!” “Oh good the bungee is slowing me down now!” ”The ground is getting awfully close!” The bungee extends all the way to the ground enough to let this guy slap into the ground with his chest and face before bouncing back up. ”OH DEAR GOD THAT HURT!!” “But I’m alive!” “I’m gonna sue the s#1t outta somebody, but I’m alive! As this is happening the bungee has retracted all the way back...and gravity takes over again. ”All right I’m ok and their going to get me loose now....oh no.” BAM! This happens FIVE TIMES. All you can hear on the soundtrack is the crowd screaming and the buddy laughing his ass off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christougher Posted February 27, 2021 Report Share Posted February 27, 2021 8 hours ago, Tjack said: This is not really a joke, because it actually happened, but it’s the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. Some poor bastid decides to go bungee jumping and have a friend record it. So they go early in the morning and this shmuck is the first one of the day. And I guess somebody must have moved or lowered the crane during the night....not much, just a few feet. So Dum-Dum jumps off. (The fact that he jumped off a perfectly good crane is why I call him Dum-Dum) and everything goes to plan...at first. You can tell he’s thinking, “This is fantastic!” “Oh good the bungee is slowing me down now!” ”The ground is getting awfully close!” The bungee extends all the way to the ground enough to let this guy slap into the ground with his chest and face before bouncing back up. ”OH DEAR GOD THAT HURT!!” “But I’m alive!” “I’m gonna sue the s#1t outta somebody, but I’m alive! As this is happening the bungee has retracted all the way back...and gravity takes over again. ”All right I’m ok and their going to get me loose now....oh no.” BAM! This happens FIVE TIMES. All you can hear on the soundtrack is the crowd screaming and the buddy laughing his ass off. Were you the dum-dum or the buddy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted February 27, 2021 Report Share Posted February 27, 2021 Q: Why do Mormon women stop having kids at 35? Spoiler A: Because 36 is just too many. Spoiler (Works for Catholic women, too.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted February 27, 2021 Report Share Posted February 27, 2021 Today I crossed the road, changed a lightbulb and walked into a bar I think my life is turning into a joke slikmar and Pariah 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted February 27, 2021 Report Share Posted February 27, 2021 Humans are scared of hippos because they're violent and responsible for hundreds of deaths per year when in reality, people kill people way more per year... so that's just being hippocritical. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted February 27, 2021 Report Share Posted February 27, 2021 The Prime Minister of Great Britain has decided that they will start driving on the right side of the road just like the rest of the world. To ease people into this transition, they will start with busses and trucks this week and normal cars next month. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted February 27, 2021 Report Share Posted February 27, 2021 The Vatican's space program confirmed an important discovery this week: You can still have mass even though you're weightless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
archer Posted February 27, 2021 Report Share Posted February 27, 2021 Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? On the bottom of the page. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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