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Dust Raven

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A blind man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.

 

The bartender says, "Hey man, what's with the parrot?"

 

The man says, "It's my seeing-eye parrot."

 

The bartender says, "You know, most people use dogs right?"

 

The man replies, "Yeah, but do you know how hard it is to get one of those to stay on your shoulder?"

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Two new recruits were on the deck of a ship.

 

One turns to other and says, "Its awfully quiet on deck tonight. Isn't it?"

 

Other recruit replies, "Everyone must be watching the band."

 

"There is no band on this ship."

 

"No, I definitely heard the captain say, 'a band on ship'."

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A software engineer, hardware engineer, and departmental manager were on their way to a meeting in Switzerland. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes failed. The car careened out of control, bouncing off guardrails until it miraculously ground to a scraping halt along the mountainside. The occupants of the car were unhurt, but they had a problem. They were stuck halfway down the mountain in a car with no brakes.

"I know," said the manager. "Let's have a meeting, propose a Vision, formulate a Mission Statement, define some Goals, and through a process of continuous improvement, find a solution to the Critical Problems and we'll be on our way." "No," said the hardware engineer. "I've got my Swiss army knife with me. I can strip down the car's braking system, isolate the fault, fix it, and we'll be on our way."

"Wait," said the software engineer. "Before we do anything, shouldn't we push the car back to the top of the mountain and see if it happens again?"

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14 hours ago, Pariah said:

What do a banjo and a homicide have in common?

 

  Reveal hidden contents

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

 

 

When my grandfather retired, he taught himself to play the banjo (earlier in life, he'd taught himself to play the fiddle).

 

I always thought that was really neat and told myself when I retired, I'd teach myself to play both instruments.

 

Unfortunately, I lost a lot of the fine motor control in my fingers before I retired. So it didn't seem practical to attempt to learn instruments which depend on your fingers working.

 

I threatened to learn the tambourine or the kettle drums but strangely enough my wife, who is an instrument buff, didn't seem to be very supportive. 

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A skunk, a duck, and a deer walked into a diner. They had a nice dinner together. But at the end of the meal the skunk didn't have a scent and the deer didn't have a buck, so they put the whole meal on the duck's bill.

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