Bazza Posted April 23, 2021 Report Share Posted April 23, 2021 How do trees get online? - They just log in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted April 23, 2021 Report Share Posted April 23, 2021 I once ate a watch. It was time consuming Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted April 23, 2021 Report Share Posted April 23, 2021 I told my mom I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti, you should have seen her face when I rode straight pasta. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted April 23, 2021 Report Share Posted April 23, 2021 I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted April 23, 2021 Report Share Posted April 23, 2021 Q. How much room should you give fungi to grow? A. As mushroom as possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted April 23, 2021 Report Share Posted April 23, 2021 Q: What do you call a dishonest noodle? A: An Impasta. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted April 23, 2021 Report Share Posted April 23, 2021 Q: Why did the apricot ask a prune to dinner? A: Because he couldn't find a date. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted April 23, 2021 Report Share Posted April 23, 2021 Sticks float. They would. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted April 23, 2021 Report Share Posted April 23, 2021 The thing I don't like about shopping centres... When you see one, you've seen a mall. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted April 23, 2021 Report Share Posted April 23, 2021 Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted April 23, 2021 Report Share Posted April 23, 2021 What did the beach say as the tide came in? Long time, no sea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted April 23, 2021 Report Share Posted April 23, 2021 When she saw her first strands of grey, she thought she'd dye. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted April 23, 2021 Report Share Posted April 23, 2021 Those who live in glass houses should dress in the basement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted April 23, 2021 Report Share Posted April 23, 2021 Why spoil it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted April 23, 2021 Report Share Posted April 23, 2021 11 hours ago, Bazza said: I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel. A fishcotheque. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted April 23, 2021 Report Share Posted April 23, 2021 A Little League coach pulls his 9-year-old pitcher aside and asks, "Do you know what cooperation is? What a team is?" "Yes, coach," replies the little boy. "And you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?" The little boy nods. "So," the coach continues, "I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse the umpire, or call him an a*****e. Do you understand all that?" Again, the little boy nods. "And when I take you out of the game so that another kid gets a chance to play, it's not a dumb-*** decision, and the coach isn't a ****head, right?" "Right, coach." "Good," says the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your mother.” slikmar, wcw43921, aylwin13 and 1 other 2 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aylwin13 Posted April 23, 2021 Report Share Posted April 23, 2021 7 minutes ago, Pariah said: A Little League coach pulls his 9-year-old pitcher aside and asks, "Do you know what cooperation is? What a team is?" "Yes, coach," replies the little boy. "And you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?" The little boy nods. "So," the coach continues, "I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse the umpire, or call him an a*****e. Do you understand all that?" Again, the little boy nods. "And when I take you out of the game so that another kid gets a chance to play, it's not a dumb-*** decision, and the coach isn't a ****head, right?" "Right, coach." "Good," says the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your mother.” I played against that team when I was in Little League. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slikmar Posted April 23, 2021 Report Share Posted April 23, 2021 I think I played for AND against that team. aylwin13 and Pariah 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted April 23, 2021 Report Share Posted April 23, 2021 The astronomy student was considered the brightest in his class because he was so Sirius about his studies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted April 26, 2021 Report Share Posted April 26, 2021 I invented a new word: plagiarism Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted April 26, 2021 Report Share Posted April 26, 2021 I work out religiously-Christmas and Easter. Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted April 26, 2021 Report Share Posted April 26, 2021 How do you drown a hipster? Throw him into the mainstream. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted April 26, 2021 Report Share Posted April 26, 2021 Where are average things manufactured? The satisfactory. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tjack Posted April 26, 2021 Report Share Posted April 26, 2021 12 minutes ago, Bazza said: How do you drown a hipster? Throw him into the mainstream. Or you can hold his head deep in the toilet by his stupid man-bun until the bubbles stop. Then you wipe your hands off on his dumba$$ porkpie hat on your way out. Too much? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted April 26, 2021 Report Share Posted April 26, 2021 Why should you never breakup with a goalie? Because he's a keeper. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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