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Dust Raven

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15 hours ago, Bazza said:

Did you hear about the Italian chef with a terminal illness? He pastaway.

 

What do you call fake noodles? Impasta.

 

 

15 hours ago, Bazza said:

Did you hear how they caught the great produce bandit? He stopped to take a leek.

 

Meat thieves are gross, but produce thieves are grocer.

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When William Penn founded the colony of Pennsylvania, his two maiden aunts moved to Philadelphia. They were very independent ladies who refused to live upon their nephew’s largesse, but they were skilled bakers and they did allow him to set them up in a bakery from which they could support themselves. They did VERY well. In fact, they became very well known, and not just in Pennsylvania. They had customers in the neighboring colonies, as well, and they were especially renowned for the quality of their pies.
What they DIDN’T know was that he also quietly instructed the colonial governor to exempt their bakery from any taxes. As a result, they were able to sell their wares more cheaply, and while this was good news for them and their customers, it was terrible news for anyone else who hoped to open a competing bakery.
Indeed, most would-be bakers quickly realized they simply couldn’t compete at all. Without a comparable tax break, they could never hope to match the pie rates of Penn’s aunts.
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2 hours ago, Greywind said:
When William Penn founded the colony of Pennsylvania, his two maiden aunts moved to Philadelphia. They were very independent ladies who refused to live upon their nephew’s largesse, but they were skilled bakers and they did allow him to set them up in a bakery from which they could support themselves. They did VERY well. In fact, they became very well known, and not just in Pennsylvania. They had customers in the neighboring colonies, as well, and they were especially renowned for the quality of their pies.
What they DIDN’T know was that he also quietly instructed the colonial governor to exempt their bakery from any taxes. As a result, they were able to sell their wares more cheaply, and while this was good news for them and their customers, it was terrible news for anyone else who hoped to open a competing bakery.
Indeed, most would-be bakers quickly realized they simply couldn’t compete at all. Without a comparable tax break, they could never hope to match the pie rates of Penn’s aunts.

 

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3 hours ago, Logan.1179 said:

For his birthday, I got my son an alarm clock that swears at him instead of beeping.

 

He’s in for a rude awakening.


There’s an app you can get for your I-phone for a Brian Blessed alarm clock.  You can find out what it sounds like on YouTube.   Imagine him shouting you awake every morning.

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An elderly man complains to his doctor that he is having trouble remembering things.  The doctor suggests he write things down so he doesn't forget, and even writes this management technique down for him so he won't forget.  The old man's wife tries to get him to use this technique, but he is too stubborn and proud.

One evening as the elderly couple is watching TV, the old man gets up and says

"I think I will get myself some chocolate ice cream.  Do you want any?"

"Yes, please," the wife replies. "But I'll have vanilla.  Better write that down."

"I can remember vanilla ice cream." he says.

"Yes, but I would like some strawberries on top too.  Better write it down."

"Vanilla ice cream with strawberries.  I've got it, no need to write it down."

"And whipped cream.  Put some whipped cream on top.  And for goodness sake, write it down."

"I don't need to.  You want vanilla ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream.  No problem."

He goes into the kitchen, and after a long while he returns and hands his wife a plate of eggs and bacon.

She looks at it a moment and says "You forgot the toast."

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