mattingly Posted May 28, 2021 Report Share Posted May 28, 2021 BoloOfEarth, Pariah and wcw43921 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted May 31, 2021 Report Share Posted May 31, 2021 I love eye jokes. The cornea the better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted May 31, 2021 Report Share Posted May 31, 2021 My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?" “Whatever means necessary,” she replied. “No it doesn’t,” I said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted May 31, 2021 Report Share Posted May 31, 2021 My wife said, “You really have no sense of direction, do you?” I said, “Where did that come from?” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted June 1, 2021 Report Share Posted June 1, 2021 A boy asked his bitcoin-investing dad for 1 bitcoin for his birthday. Dad: What? $15,554? $14,354 is a lot of money! What do you need $16,782 for anyway? Ockham's Spoon and Pariah 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 2, 2021 Report Share Posted June 2, 2021 What do you call a male mathematician who spends a lot of time in the sun? A tan gent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted June 3, 2021 Report Share Posted June 3, 2021 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 3, 2021 Report Share Posted June 3, 2021 I've failed math class so many times I can't even count. . There are three kinds of people in this world: Those who can count and those who can't. . The ceiling of the Sistine Chapel is amazing. It may not be the best ceiling in the world, but it's up there! tkdguy and Logan D. Hurricanes 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted June 8, 2021 Report Share Posted June 8, 2021 DeleteThisAccount and wcw43921 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted June 10, 2021 Report Share Posted June 10, 2021 My neighbor told me he was scared to plant an apple tree. I told him to grow a pear. Pariah and Ockham's Spoon 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted June 11, 2021 Report Share Posted June 11, 2021 Moo! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greywind Posted June 12, 2021 Report Share Posted June 12, 2021 Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted June 14, 2021 Report Share Posted June 14, 2021 My uncle was in a band called The Hinges. They opened for The Doors. DeleteThisAccount and BoloOfEarth 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tjack Posted June 14, 2021 Report Share Posted June 14, 2021 8 minutes ago, Logan.1179 said: My uncle was in a band called The Hinges. They opened for The Doors. I thought that was Alicia Keyes? Pariah and DeleteThisAccount 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted June 15, 2021 Report Share Posted June 15, 2021 Scene: Courtroom during a murder trial. Police officer Johnson is on the stand. Defense Lawyer: Officer Johnson, in your statement you say that the when you arrived at the scene, the defendant said she had shot her husband for walking on her freshly mopped floor, is that correct?" Officer Johnson: "That is correct." Defense Lawyer: "And yet despite this, you did not try to arrest her for 20 minutes. Why would that be?" Officer Johnson: "The floor was still wet." mattingly and Pariah 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 15, 2021 Report Share Posted June 15, 2021 In other courtroom news, a pair of crows were arrested by police this afternoon. They've been charged with attempted murder. DeleteThisAccount 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoctorImpossible Posted June 16, 2021 Report Share Posted June 16, 2021 There are 10 kinds of people. Some can understand binary, and some don't get this joke. There are 2 kinds of people. Some of them can extrapolate from incomplete data. CaptainCoulson, Ockham's Spoon and DeleteThisAccount 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted June 16, 2021 Report Share Posted June 16, 2021 There are two types of people in the world, those who recognise unity, and those who embrace multiplicity. mattingly 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tjack Posted June 16, 2021 Report Share Posted June 16, 2021 Some days it seems that.... Theres two kind of people in the world, morons who desperately need a smack upside the head...and me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted June 17, 2021 Report Share Posted June 17, 2021 A father finds his son looking starry-eyed and asks what he is thinking about. "Dad, I think I am in love" his son replies. "Who is the lucky girl?" the dad asks "Our next-door neighbor, Julie." the boy says. The father gets an uncomfortable look on his face and says "Son, you can't date Julie. Her mother and I had an affair some years ago, and it turns out she is your sister." The boy is crushed, but youth is resilient, and within a month the father finds his son again with a dreamy look on his face. "Looks like you found another girl! Who is it?" "Christine from up the street. I thought I loved Julie, but Christine is perfect." The father clears his throat and shifts from side to side. "Son, I hate to tell you this, but Christine is your sister too. You'll have to break it off. But don't worry, there are plenty of fish in the sea." Of course the boy is devastated, and mopes around for a couple months before the father finds him with that look in his eye again. "Dad, this time I am sure I found the right girl. Jennifer from around the block is everything I could hope for." The father sighs. "Son, I don't know how to tell you this, but Jennifer is your sister too." Three strikes in a row, and the boy runs off crying. He is still sobbing in his room when his mother finds him and asks what is wrong. The boy is reluctant to tell his mother about his father's infidelities, but finally the story comes out. The mother pats him on the back comfortingly. "Oh honey, don't worry. You can date whoever you want. He isn't your real father." DoctorImpossible, Pariah, aylwin13 and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted June 17, 2021 Report Share Posted June 17, 2021 I'm sorry. Tjack and Ockham's Spoon 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted June 18, 2021 Report Share Posted June 18, 2021 How long did Cain beat his brother? For as long as he was able. DoctorImpossible 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted June 18, 2021 Report Share Posted June 18, 2021 My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list. Now I can't read anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmjalund Posted June 19, 2021 Report Share Posted June 19, 2021 What do you use to contact dead Mario Brothers? A Luigi board Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted June 20, 2021 Report Share Posted June 20, 2021 The elderly wife in church turned to her husband and said, “I’ve just done a silent fart. What should I do?” He said, “Change the batteries in your hearing aid”. Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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