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Dust Raven
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I've failed math class so many times I can't even count.

 

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There are three kinds of people in this world: Those who can count and those who can't.

 

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The ceiling of the Sistine Chapel is amazing. It may not be the best ceiling in the world, but it's up there!

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Scene: Courtroom during a murder trial.  Police officer Johnson is on the stand.

 

Defense Lawyer: Officer Johnson, in your statement you say that the when you arrived at the scene, the defendant said she had shot her husband for walking on her freshly mopped floor, is that correct?"

 

Officer Johnson: "That is correct."

 

Defense Lawyer: "And yet despite this, you did not try to arrest her for 20 minutes.  Why would that be?"

 

Officer Johnson: "The floor was still wet."

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A father finds his son looking starry-eyed and asks what he is thinking about.

 

"Dad, I think I am in love" his son replies.

 

"Who is the lucky girl?" the dad asks

 

"Our next-door neighbor, Julie." the boy says.

 

The father gets an uncomfortable look on his face and says "Son, you can't date Julie.  Her mother and I had an affair some years ago, and it turns out she is your sister."

 

The boy is crushed, but youth is resilient, and within a month the father finds his son again with a dreamy look on his face.

 

"Looks like you found another girl!  Who is it?"

 

"Christine from up the street.  I thought I loved Julie, but Christine is perfect."

 

The father clears his throat and shifts from side to side.  "Son, I hate to tell you this, but Christine is your sister too.  You'll  have to break it off.  But don't worry, there are plenty of fish in the sea."

 

Of course the boy is devastated, and mopes around for a couple months before the father finds him with that look in his eye again.

 

"Dad, this time I am sure I found the right girl.  Jennifer from around the block is everything I could hope for."

 

The father sighs.  "Son, I don't know how to tell you this, but Jennifer is your sister too."

 

Three strikes in a row, and the boy runs off crying.  He is still sobbing in his room when his mother finds him and asks what is wrong.  The boy is reluctant to tell his mother about his father's infidelities, but finally the story comes out.  The mother pats him on the back comfortingly.

 

"Oh honey, don't worry.  You can date whoever you want.  He isn't your real father."

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