Ockham's Spoon Posted July 10, 2021 Report Share Posted July 10, 2021 A farmer buys a new rooster. As soon as he gets it home, it mates will all 100 of his hens. Before the end of the day, the rooster has mated with all of them again. The next day, the rooster has another round with the hens, and then starts in with the ducks and geese. By the end of the day, the farmer finds the rooster lying half-dead on the ground with vultures circling overhead. "Serves you right your horny bastard!" the farmer says. The rooster opens one eye and points skyward. "Shhhh! They're about to land!" Tjack 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted July 11, 2021 Report Share Posted July 11, 2021 Those who confuse the word 'burro' and 'burrow' don't know their ass from a hole in the ground. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 11, 2021 Report Share Posted July 11, 2021 That joke is one of my very favorites. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted July 11, 2021 Report Share Posted July 11, 2021 Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted July 11, 2021 Report Share Posted July 11, 2021 Elton John has bought his pet rabbit a treadmill. It’s a little fit bunny. slikmar 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted July 15, 2021 Report Share Posted July 15, 2021 Does anybody know where a guy can find a person to hang out with, talk to, and enjoy spending time with? Asking for a friend. wcw43921, slikmar, Ockham's Spoon and 2 others 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted July 15, 2021 Report Share Posted July 15, 2021 I'm French and just moved abroad, people are pretty insensitive here and always joke about baguettes. They don't care that they're laughing at my pain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted July 16, 2021 Report Share Posted July 16, 2021 A cabbie picks up a nun, but can't stop looking at her. She asks him why he is staring and he says "This is going to sound silly, but I have always wanted to kiss a nun." After a moment's thought, the nun says "Well, I will kiss you, but only if you are single and Catholic." The cabbie says "Great, I'm both!" The nun proceeds to kiss him in a way that would make a hooker blush. When the cabbie gets his breath back he says, "I'm sorry, but I lied. I am actually married and a Baptist." The nun says "That's okay. My name is Kevin and I am on my way to a costume party." Tjack 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted July 17, 2021 Report Share Posted July 17, 2021 A flight attendant asks one of the passengers how he likes his coffee. Fancying himself a player, he says "I like my coffee the way I like my women." The flight attendant responds "Don't worry honey, the coffee is free. You don't have to pay for it here." Pariah and mattingly 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted July 18, 2021 Report Share Posted July 18, 2021 A man is buying a banana, an apple, and two eggs. The cashier says, “You must be single.” The man replied, “Wow, how did you know that?” Cashier: “Because you’re ugly.” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted July 18, 2021 Report Share Posted July 18, 2021 you know me so well, Logan.1179. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted July 19, 2021 Report Share Posted July 19, 2021 6:30 is the best time on a clock. Hands down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted July 19, 2021 Report Share Posted July 19, 2021 Welcome to the Sexual Innuendo Club. Thank you all for coming. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted July 20, 2021 Report Share Posted July 20, 2021 Does anyone remember the chiropractor joke I told about a week back? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted July 20, 2021 Report Share Posted July 20, 2021 Yeah, it was part of a bad batch. That lot had the really crappy one about the proctologist, and the one about the dentist that ground my teeth.. Christougher, Logan D. Hurricanes and Pariah 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted July 20, 2021 Report Share Posted July 20, 2021 Yes, about 4-6weeks ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted July 20, 2021 Report Share Posted July 20, 2021 11 hours ago, Cancer said: Yeah, it was part of a bad batch. That lot had the really crappy one about the proctologist, and the one about the dentist that ground my teeth.. Cancer 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted July 20, 2021 Report Share Posted July 20, 2021 Reminds me of the donkey who became a proctologist and had a bad bedside manner. He was a real ass. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tombrown803 Posted July 20, 2021 Report Share Posted July 20, 2021 Was his name Jack? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted July 21, 2021 Report Share Posted July 21, 2021 Two guys, one in a green jacket and one in a blue jacket, are arguing over which of them is more badass. As they pass a bakery, the guy in blue dares the guy in green to steal some buns. So Green goes into the bakery, and surreptitiously swipes three buns, stuffs them in his pockets, and saunters back outside. "Okay, now it is your turn." says Green "You're an amateur." says Blue "Watch this." Blue goes into the store and asks the baker if he would like to see a magic trick. The baker agrees. Blue asks him to hold his jacket, and then asks for a bun. The baker takes the jacket and hands Blue the bun. Blue eats the bun and asks for a second. The baker, still holding onto the jacket, gives him a second bun. Blue eats this one also, and asks for one more. The baker, interested to see where this is going, hands him the third bun, which Blue also eats. "Okay, now where is the magic trick?" the baker asks. Blue responds "Go look in the pockets of that guy out there in the green jacket." mattingly and Tjack 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted July 21, 2021 Report Share Posted July 21, 2021 On 7/19/2021 at 10:50 PM, Cancer said: Yeah, it was part of a bad batch. That lot had the really crappy one about the proctologist, and the one about the dentist that ground my teeth.. That reminds me, especially with the Yoda reaction. At a friend's memorial service over the weekend, they told this story: My friend Bill was at a con, and was at the the signing table next to Mark Hamill. As you might guess, Hamill had a huge line, and Bill had comparatively few. When there was finally a breather, Mark turned to Bill and asked his name. Bill answered, "I am Obi-Hind, Jedi Proctologist. These are not the 'roids you're looking for." Hamill fell out of his chair laughing. aylwin13, Christougher, Cancer and 4 others 4 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted July 22, 2021 Report Share Posted July 22, 2021 When I am an old man with grandchildren, I will tell them about the great toilet paper shortage of 2020 when we had drag our butts across the lawn to wipe them, In the snow, Uphill, both ways, Dodging murder hornets Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted July 22, 2021 Report Share Posted July 22, 2021 I spent the morning down at the beach feeding cannabis laced brownies to the seabirds. No tern was left unstoned. Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted July 22, 2021 Report Share Posted July 22, 2021 Here I was expecting something like reef bird madness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted July 22, 2021 Report Share Posted July 22, 2021 Two Mafia Hitman were walking through the woods late one night. One said to the other, "I don't mind telling you, I'm a little scared to be out here tonight." The other said, "I don't know why you're so afraid. I've got to walk back to the car alone tonight." Logan D. Hurricanes, Tjack and Ockham's Spoon 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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