Pariah Posted May 22, 2022 Report Share Posted May 22, 2022 "Hey Popeye, are you a fan of sweet potatoes?" "I yam what I yam." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted May 22, 2022 Report Share Posted May 22, 2022 14 hours ago, Logan.1179 said: Did you hear about the big Lego sale? People were lined up for blocks. Those people should be boxed. 14 hours ago, Logan.1179 said: Did you hear about the big Lego sale? People were lined up for blocks. Those people should be boxed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christougher Posted May 22, 2022 Report Share Posted May 22, 2022 22 hours ago, mattingly said: When does a joke become a dad joke? When it's apparent. When it's all groan up. Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted May 23, 2022 Report Share Posted May 23, 2022 IF I had a dollar every time someone complained about the price of cinema food, I could almost afford a small popcorn. Pariah, Christougher, Cancer and 1 other 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted May 23, 2022 Report Share Posted May 23, 2022 My wife rearranged the labels on my spice rack. I haven’t confronted her yet, but the thyme is cumin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted May 23, 2022 Report Share Posted May 23, 2022 2 hours ago, Bazza said: IF I had a dollar every time someone complained about the price of cinema food, I could almost afford a small popcorn. If I had a dollar for every time I screwed up on a math test, I'd have $347.23. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted May 23, 2022 Report Share Posted May 23, 2022 I posted a similar joke a few pages back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted May 23, 2022 Report Share Posted May 23, 2022 WHAT did the carp say to his crush? Don’t play koi with me! WHAT is a tomato’s favourite dance? The salsa. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted May 24, 2022 Report Share Posted May 24, 2022 Back when I was a kid, there was an intense debate over whether piercing your right or left earlobe may you gay. As if earlobe holes were the highest stake holes in that debate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted May 25, 2022 Report Share Posted May 25, 2022 WHAT do you call the owner of a waterproof clothing company? The head poncho. WHAT kind of soap can be used to keep away men? Deter gents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted May 25, 2022 Report Share Posted May 25, 2022 I got a pet newt. I named him "Tiny". Why Tiny? Because he's my newt. wcw43921 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted May 25, 2022 Report Share Posted May 25, 2022 WHAT does a lawyer wear to court? A lawsuit. WHAT do you call a dinosaur who’s hiding from the cops? Doyouthinkhesaurus. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted May 25, 2022 Report Share Posted May 25, 2022 Top Three Symptoms of Chronic Laziness #1: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted May 26, 2022 Report Share Posted May 26, 2022 Me: do you think he called himself “T.S. Eliot” so nobody would notice that ‘T. Eliot’ is toilet backwards? Librarian: stop talking Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted May 26, 2022 Report Share Posted May 26, 2022 So this guy walks up to the counter, and the lady asks, "May I help you?" "Yes," the guy says, "I'd like a double cheeseburger, no onions, with a large order of fries and a Diet Coke." She looks at him sternly. "Sir, this is a library." Oh," he says sheepishly, then begins to whisper: "I'd like a double cheeseburger, no onions...." Logan D. Hurricanes 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted May 26, 2022 Report Share Posted May 26, 2022 I had a misunderstanding at the store today. The cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently, she meant my credit card. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted May 28, 2022 Report Share Posted May 28, 2022 F.Y.I. You pee on a jellyfish sting not a jelly stain. Again, my apologies to the lady at the Waffle House this morning. mattingly and Ockham's Spoon 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted May 28, 2022 Report Share Posted May 28, 2022 WHAT kind of car does an egg drive? Yolkswagen. WHY do treehouses make good businesses? They typically have good branch managers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted May 28, 2022 Report Share Posted May 28, 2022 WHAT do a pair of shoes say when something goes wrong? Well this socks. HOW does a priest rinse his salad greens? Lettuce spray. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ockham's Spoon Posted May 29, 2022 Report Share Posted May 29, 2022 Life tip for exhausted parents of small children. Be aware that the tube of Desitin diaper ointment is the same size and shape as a tube of Crest toothpaste. wcw43921 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wcw43921 Posted May 29, 2022 Report Share Posted May 29, 2022 This, I think, could qualify as a joke. Years ago I came across a classified ad. I don't remember where I saw it--it might have been the National Enquirer, it might have been one of the home mechanics & technology magazines--but this is what it said; How would you like to receive several hundred envelopes each containing one dollar? Send $1 to (The Address) Now I'm not always quick on the uptake, and I didn't send away for it myself--but it occurred to me in about two to three seconds that if I did send in a dollar, the answer would be a note like this; If you want to receive several hundred envelopes each containing one dollar, post an ad in the classifieds saying: How would you like to receive several hundred envelopes each containing one dollar? Send $1 to (Your Address) If anyone tries this in real life--let me know how it goes. Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted May 29, 2022 Report Share Posted May 29, 2022 My wife warned me not to steal the kitchen utensils. But it's a whisk I'm willing to take. Hermit 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted May 30, 2022 Report Share Posted May 30, 2022 "Will I be OK Doc?" "I doubt it, Mercury is in Uranus right now." "I don't do that Astrology stuff "Me neither, my thermometer just broke!" Ockham's Spoon 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bazza Posted May 30, 2022 Report Share Posted May 30, 2022 I’M finally upgrading from 1080p to 4K in January. It’s my new year’s resolution. HOW do you get a farm girl to like you? A tractor. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted May 31, 2022 Report Share Posted May 31, 2022 Q: Oy, why does the Queen carry a sceptre? A: Cuz everyone works, 'cept her! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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