Pariah Posted January 18, 2010 Report Share Posted January 18, 2010 Re: Jokes I was told growing up that Ford stood for "Fixed Or Repaired Daily". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost-angel Posted January 18, 2010 Report Share Posted January 18, 2010 Re: Jokes FORD: Found On Road, Dead put it reverse Driver Returns On Foot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveZilla Posted January 18, 2010 Report Share Posted January 18, 2010 Re: Jokes And: FORD: F-ed Over, Rebuilt Dodge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Posted January 18, 2010 Report Share Posted January 18, 2010 Re: Jokes ...and "F_er Only Runs Downhill." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tim Posted January 19, 2010 Report Share Posted January 19, 2010 Re: Jokes Does anyone have one for Chevrolet? Or Chevy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost-angel Posted January 19, 2010 Report Share Posted January 19, 2010 Re: Jokes Nope. The only one I have left is an extremely rude one for Pontiac. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lemming Posted January 19, 2010 Report Share Posted January 19, 2010 Re: Jokes Fiat : Fix it Again Tony Chevrolet: Can Hear Every Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips And I did find this site: http://www.carbuyingtips.com/humor.htm : where I found : Camero : Cash Always Miniscule After Retail Overpricing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mwiggins Posted January 19, 2010 Report Share Posted January 19, 2010 Re: Jokes It can also be done with company names. Just Beginning Holding Up Nationwide Traffic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mwiggins Posted January 19, 2010 Report Share Posted January 19, 2010 Re: Jokes While I'm at it.... Why did JB Hunt stop pulling double trailers? The overpasses kept knocking the top one off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SSgt Baloo Posted January 19, 2010 Report Share Posted January 19, 2010 Re: Jokes My fave from the site Lemming pointed out: Q: How many car salesmen does it take to change a light bulb? A: I'm going to work this out on my calculator, and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SSgt Baloo Posted January 19, 2010 Report Share Posted January 19, 2010 Re: Jokes A businessman walked into a New York City bank and asked for the loan officer. He said he was going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The loan officer said the bank would need some security for such a loan. The business man then handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce that was parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checked out and the loan officer accepted the car as collateral for the loan. An employee then drove the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parked it there. Two weeks later the businessman returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest which came to $15.41. The loan officer said, "We do appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a bit puzzled. While you were away we checked and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?" The business man replied: "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for fifteen bucks?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 20, 2010 Report Share Posted January 20, 2010 Re: Jokes I heard that one as a blone joke with the moral, "Not all blondes are as dumb as you think." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mwiggins Posted January 24, 2010 Report Share Posted January 24, 2010 Re: Jokes An Irishman walks out of a bar No, seriously, It can happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 25, 2010 Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 Re: Jokes These came up in my class the other day... Q: What do you do with dead chemists? A: Barium. Q: Why do chemists like nitrates? A: They're cheaper than the day rates. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Basil Posted January 25, 2010 Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 Re: Jokes Re. the rail-gauge/horse-width post. I was skeptical up to: And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels.Wow, I spotted this as three goofs in one, just from my own scattered readings. A) The number of war chariots the Romans ever used could be counted on the fingers of one centuria; the number ever used by the Romans in Britain is a small fraction of the total. The roads the Romans built, some of which were in active use through the Renaissance, were particularly resistant to rutting. They were carefully laid, and surfaced with the toughest stone available. They took a lot of traffic before any appreciable wear showed. And most of that wear came in the centuries after the "fall of Rome," mostly by being used as convenient "stone quarries." C) How come every single war chariot followed exactly the same path down roads two or three times as wide as said chariots? For the entire length of time the Romans and the Romanized Celtic locals had war chariots available? Nope, sorry, doesn't even start to work. And Snopes went way too easy on it. For a fuller debunking, see The Straight Dope (NB: the "rutways" he mentions were ruts deliberately built into a road, to force wagons into following a certain path. Even better, see this HTML-ified version of a PDF (or d/l the PDF if you want to see the pictures) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McCoy Posted January 25, 2010 Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 Re: Jokes A large company had an opening for an accountant. It came down to three equally qualified candidates. The CEO decided to interview all three at the same time. He walked into the room where the three waited, introduced himself, and asked "What's two and two?" Without hesitation, the first one answered "Four." The second, suspecting a trick, said "Two what and two what? Could be four, could be twenty-two, could be something else." The third glanced left and right, leaned forward and asked sotto voce "What do you want them to be?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ghost-angel Posted January 25, 2010 Report Share Posted January 25, 2010 Re: Jokes Re. the rail-gauge/horse-width post. I was skeptical up to: Wow, I spotted this as three goofs in one, just from my own scattered readings. A) The number of war chariots the Romans ever used could be counted on the fingers of one centuria; the number ever used by the Romans in Britain is a small fraction of the total. The roads the Romans built, some of which were in active use through the Renaissance, were particularly resistant to rutting. They were carefully laid, and surfaced with the toughest stone available. They took a lot of traffic before any appreciable wear showed. And most of that wear came in the centuries after the "fall of Rome," mostly by being used as convenient "stone quarries." C) How come every single war chariot followed exactly the same path down roads two or three times as wide as said chariots? For the entire length of time the Romans and the Romanized Celtic locals had war chariots available? Nope, sorry, doesn't even start to work. And Snopes went way too easy on it. For a fuller debunking, see The Straight Dope (NB: the "rutways" he mentions were ruts deliberately built into a road, to force wagons into following a certain path. Even better, see this HTML-ified version of a PDF (or d/l the PDF if you want to see the pictures) While we appreciate the history and links - the title of the Thread should indicate how seriously we should take that post you've debunked. It was mildly funny joke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karmakaze Posted January 26, 2010 Report Share Posted January 26, 2010 Re: Jokes Maurice was driving down a country road when his car got stuck in a large, muddy hole. He was unable to free the car himself so he called to a farmer who was standing idly by a team of oxen in a nearby field. When the farmer offered to pull the car out of the mud for $100, Maurice readily accepted. Using the oxen, the farmer pulled the car out very quickly. He said to Maurice, “You know, that was the tenth car I’ve helped out of the mud today.” Maurice paid him the money and said, “If you’re always pulling cars out of the mud during the day, do you have to plow your fields at night?” “No,” the farmer replied. “Night is when I put water in that hole.” Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 26, 2010 Report Share Posted January 26, 2010 Re: Jokes My parents used to tell us this one when I was growing up: Old Mother Hubbard Went to her cupboard To get her poor daughter a dress. But when she got there, The cupboard was bare And so was her daughter, I guess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xavier Onassiss Posted January 26, 2010 Report Share Posted January 26, 2010 Re: Jokes Did you hear about that topless car wash? The sign out in front says "Convertibles Only." Don't look at me, Xavier Onassiss Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mwiggins Posted January 26, 2010 Report Share Posted January 26, 2010 Re: Jokes Did you hear about that topless car wash? I saw a billboard advertising one of those. I think it was in Dallas, TX. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aylwin13 Posted January 26, 2010 Report Share Posted January 26, 2010 Re: Jokes A little something I heard on Bob and Tom this morning: What's green, and eats nuts? Syphilis Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mattingly Posted January 26, 2010 Report Share Posted January 26, 2010 Re: Jokes Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?" A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why?" The CEO said, "Wait right here." He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back." Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?" From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xavier Onassiss Posted January 28, 2010 Report Share Posted January 28, 2010 Re: Jokes Then there was that really horny guy who couldn't spell. He spent the night in a warehouse. Don't look at me, Xavier Onassiss Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Logan D. Hurricanes Posted January 28, 2010 Report Share Posted January 28, 2010 Re: Jokes Then there was that really horny guy who couldn't spell. He spent the night in a warehouse. http://www.instantrimshot.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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