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Next scene: Foxbat...


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This is a continuation of http://www.herogames.com/forums/showthread.php?t=61543


Basically I submit a scene without detailed desription, mood, or atmosphere. Your challenge is to re-write the scene into something much better. All the information is at the above link. However, I'm going to change the 200 word limit to 400 word limit.


And, as I stated before, I'm not counting the words in the submittals. One per "customer" only please.


And now for the scene:



Foxbat is hit by a pie.



OK, places everyone, lights, camera, Action!

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Re: Next scene: Foxbat...


First: My apologies, folks, this piece is a good bit longer than I'd intended. Once I had my punchline concept I had to write my way down to it. So I hope I've made it entertaining enough to be worth the reading time.


Second: I've an obscure and (maybe) well-hidden Foxbat character write-up reference in this story, worth free Rep points to the first 10 folks who find it! :winkgrin:


Third: My thanks to Bruce Harlick, Mark Williams, Steve Peterson, Wendy Lee, and "Nora Page" (the only name I could find); for Foxbat, the Awesome Exo-Skeleton Man, Lenore, and the events covering Foxbat's Master Plan in Champions III. Without you, this story couldn't have been written (and I wouldn't have to watch out for sharpened pie tins from now on).


And now...


The Fabulous Foxbat!

Volume 2, Number 20

"Still ONLY 50¢!"

(No, we're not going to offer any more money to folks willing to take these off our hands, so stop asking please. Especially you, Bill, we mean it this time!)




(Errr....yes, right.) The sounds of feverish work that had filled the Foxbatcave for the last two weeks had finally ceased...


"This is a great day, LeRoy. History shall know you, nearly as well as it knows me. For you are here to bear witness to the next great step of the next portion of my Master Plan!" Foxbat leaped up onto posing station five, and the Foxbatcomputer dutifully activated the appropriate lights, fog and wind machines.


"It's ready Boss?" asked the Awesome Exo-Skeleton Man, "Really ready?"


Foxbat smiled his most villainous of smiles (number seven, to be specific) and spread his arms wide. Somehow both Foxbat and LeRoy failed to noticed how the wind from the machine was caught by the Foxbatwings, nearly whisking Foxbat off of his impressive perch.


"Yes, LeRoy, Phase Two is complete." Foxbat laughed his most villainous laugh (number 2 in a series of 10, be sure to look for them on iTunes, collect them all!). "COMPLETE!" LeRoy McGowan, the Awesome Exo-Skeleton Man, basked for a moment in the revealed genius of his mentor and idol, Foxbat. LeRoy was in such awe of so many capital letters that he nearly missed Foxbat's next utterance entirely.


"With Mechanon's brain installed, the Transporter stolen from Paramount Studios in Phase One will function perfectly."


A slightly out-of-character look of thoughtful doubt flashed across LeRoy's face, but went unnoticed by all present, except the Foxbatcomputer, which was busy and couldn't spare the time to run a program that would have allowed it to care.


"Yes, I must admit that there have been setbacks." Foxbat was saying, while LeRoy's gaze drifted toward the container that had formally held the ultra-sophisticated computer brain now installed in Foxbat's best super-weapon.


"First, the Guardians somehow were able to penetrate one of my most brilliant disguises when I first tried to liberate Mechanon's brain from their cruel bondage. (I didn't care much for the cigars, but the coffee was actually rather good.)" Idly, LeRoy reached out with his left hand, servomotors whining ever-so-slightly, and lifted the empty contain off of the workbench.


"Second, those oppressive Guardians somehow managed to sabotage my Doomsday Device when my first attempt to seize Mechanon's brain had failed." Mechanon, thought LeRoy to himself, as none within the Foxbat were telepathic, not even the Foxbatcomputer. But the computer didn't care (see page 4, panel 2 —Editor [Name withheld by request]). Mechanon? LeRoy took a closer look at the label on the still empty container. Are some of these letters done with markers?


"Third, we were forced to fly Tourist to Acapulco during our strategic withdrawal from Guardians's HQ." Foxbat shuddered, "Tourist." Foxbat continued, moving far enough off of posing station five for the Foxbatcomputer to shut down the extra lights, and the wind and fog machines. This provided enough available runtime for it to run the program that would have allowed it to care, but it didn't, so it didn't.


[The line actually does make sense, that happens sometimes, even in this comic, so sue me! —(former)Editor [name withheld as long as he makes the payments]—(new)Editor.]


"Does Dr. Destroyer fly Tourist? Nooooooo! Does Fiacho fly Tourist? Nooooooo! Does Prof. Muerte fly Tourist? N—" LeRoy, with all due respect to a super villain as gloriously great as Foxbat, interrupted.


"Well, he might." LeRoy said.


A brief series of moments were so shocked by this, that they almost forgot to go by, realized that this would have left them stranded in the Foxbatcave, and they passed quietly.


"What?" asked Foxbat.


LeRoy began to look uncomfortable. "I mean, he might. Sometimes. If he's had to buy a lot of jewelry for Scorpia or something recently, I mean."


"Ah. Yes. Right." Foxbat paused, then continued. "A perfect example, Leroy, of why I have never given any of the masses of exquisitely exotic supervillainesses the honor of all honors, my company. Such things are why I graciously allowed that Lenore girl to go on about her own business, letting her believe that she had cleverly escaped me."


Foxbat's head tilted to one side and a slight frown appeared on the parts of his face not obscured by his Foxbatmask. "Where was I?" He saw the container in LeRoy's hands. "Mechanon's brain, ha!"


To LeRoy, three of the letters on the container that had formerly held the stolen brain of the most dangerous mechanical being on Earth appeared to have been overwritten by hand, in water-soluble black marker. He started to slide his left thumb over the oddly altered letters.


"With Phase Two complete, I shall supersede these setbacks, though these have been trying times. Even those nearly as great as I have had their setbacks. Look at Dr. Destroyer, his name and telephone number are way in the back of the book. I don't wonder that he snapped and turned to Evil; even I probably would've if I'd had to wait for the calls to identify the Phantom Voice to reach the Zs."


Foxbat flew down to the newly installed FoxbatTransporterController [Yes, I know that should read 'glided,' but as long as he's going to stand behind me with that infernal Ping-Pong Ball Gun, I'll put 'flew.' —Editor] "It is time to test the device, and then the world will tremble before my genius."


Foxbat began flipping FoxbatSwitches, pushing FoxbatButtons (not to be confused with Foxbat's Buttons), and typing on the FoxbatKeyboard. "Soon, Leroy, my wisest and greatest henchman, we shall hold within our grasp our unfair share of the homemade, just-like-robber-barons-used-to-make, monetary pie!"


The inked-on letters at last vanished under the Awesome Exo-Skeleton Man's powered thumb. "Uh, boss?" Foxbat pushed the three slider controls all the way to the top of the board, and with a glimmer like flakes of tinfoil in a spotlight, a spinning silver disk appeared some two feet above each of their heads.


Each of them looked up, just in time to watch helplessly as the silver spinning disks — which looked much like inverted saucers, or bowls, or perhaps, tins — crashed down onto their up-turned faces.


"Wh—?" spluttered Foxbat.


"Wh—?" splattered LeRoy.


A horrific sound now began to fill the Foxbatcave, a sound somewhat like laughter...like the kind of laughter you'd get if you were to walk into a room that contained Marvin, the Paranoid Android who was just coming off of the electrical equivalent of a two-week laughing gas binge.


"I just wanted to mention," called LeRoy over the increasing maniacal din, "That something just isn't right Boss." LeRoy held out the container so that Foxbat could read the unobscured label. Foxbat looked. Foxbat read. Foxbat boggled.


Where the label on the container had formerly read Mechanon's Brain, the words were now quite obviously:


Mockanon's Brain.


Foxbat turned, and headed off toward the FoxbatBath, while LeRoy walked over to the transporter, and casually yanked the plug out of the wall socket. The synthetic din cut off in mid cackle, and LeRoy thought he understood what Foxbat was saying to himself as he turned the corner.


"It was those Guardians clowns, I know it! Or...maybe, if was those guardian CLOWNS..."


Mmm, banana-cream, my favorite. thought LeRoy.

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Re: Next scene: Foxbat...


Well, it's official. This threads is dead. It started out as a decent idea. Really well played out stories and an inspiration for all. But then I entered the next scene and it was like someone had put a curse on it.


Perhaps comedy doesn't have a calling for story ideas. Perhaps a lot of individuals don't like Foxbat. Who knows why it had died so quickly.


I will give it one more try. If this next thread doesn't work, I will take it that everyone wants these type of threads to die out rather than just this particular thread.

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