Cancer Posted December 22, 2019 Report Share Posted December 22, 2019 22 hours ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: Because all the Jellicle Cats are coming out tonight, and I'm fresh out of old boots. Q: Why are you stringing the garden hose up to your bedroom window? A: More cheap, schmaltzy sentiment than you can shake a candy cane at. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 22, 2019 Report Share Posted December 22, 2019 1 hour ago, Cancer said: A: More cheap, schmaltzy sentiment than you can shake a candy cane at. Q: I've never seen a Hallmark Channel Christmas movie.* Can you describe one for me? *Not even remotely true, sadly. A: In this case, "Climbing into bed" isn't a figure of speech. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted December 22, 2019 Report Share Posted December 22, 2019 9 hours ago, Pariah said: A: In this case, "Climbing into bed" isn't a figure of speech. Q: Aren't you a little old to be sleeping in a bunk? A: He thinks he is invisible. He is mistaken. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 22, 2019 Report Share Posted December 22, 2019 7 minutes ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: He thinks he is invisible. He is mistaken. Q: I am, of course, familiar with the concept of the ugly Christmas sweater, but what makes your Uncle Phil think wearing that in public is acceptable? A: It's the most horrible time of the year! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted December 22, 2019 Report Share Posted December 22, 2019 30 minutes ago, Pariah said: A: It's the most horrible time of the year! Q: What do graduate students think of finals? A: The gift that keeps on giving to the IRS. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted December 25, 2019 Report Share Posted December 25, 2019 On 12/22/2019 at 8:52 AM, Michael Hopcroft said: Q: What do graduate students think of finals? A: The gift that keeps on giving to the IRS. Q: What do you truly think of your Christmas Bonus? A: The Christmas Bonus is years of nothing to show for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted December 25, 2019 Report Share Posted December 25, 2019 10 hours ago, Asperion said: A: The Christmas Bonus is years of nothing to show for it. Q: After years of twelve-hour days six days a week, what do I get in the tech business? A: Given the choice between the two of you, I'd take the seasick crocodile. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 29, 2019 Report Share Posted December 29, 2019 On 12/25/2019 at 7:28 AM, Michael Hopcroft said: A: Given the choice between the two of you, I'd take the seasick crocodile. Q: I'm Donald Trump, and I'd like to offer you the position of White House Chief of Staff. Take it, or I'll feed you this seasick crocodile. A: I need a freakin' drink. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted December 29, 2019 Report Share Posted December 29, 2019 2 hours ago, Pariah said: A: I need a freakin' drink. Q: OK, I have your order down for a freakin' burger and freakin' fries. Anything else? A: The Middle Class are just like Pigs! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted December 29, 2019 Report Share Posted December 29, 2019 33 minutes ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: The Middle Class are just like Pigs! Q: The peasants really are revolting! Can anyone else stoop so low? A: Every time I try to get ahead, I end up falling behind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 29, 2019 Report Share Posted December 29, 2019 9 hours ago, tkdguy said: A: Every time I try to get ahead, I end up falling behind. Q: You do realize that you're walking up the down escalator, don't you? A: If I'd known that, I would've taken two! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted December 29, 2019 Report Share Posted December 29, 2019 1 hour ago, Pariah said: A: If I'd known that, I would've taken two! Q: You know it's impossible to have a free quark, don't you? A: Now legal in eleven states! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucius Posted December 29, 2019 Report Share Posted December 29, 2019 39 minutes ago, Cancer said: A: Now legal in eleven states! Q: Do you realize what you propose is so immoral it's banned in thirty nine states? A: That's why all quarks are held in close confinement! Lucius Alexander As far as I know, my palindromedary is legal in all states Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted December 29, 2019 Report Share Posted December 29, 2019 49 minutes ago, Lucius said: A: That's why all quarks are held in close confinement! Q: Are you really claiming that the 2008 housing bubble, the Deepwater Horizon spill, and the Seahawks' inexplicable decision to throw the ball at the goal line are all due to runaway quarks? A: Pluto: our last, best hope for peace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted December 29, 2019 Report Share Posted December 29, 2019 2 hours ago, Pariah said: A: Pluto: our last, best hope for peace. Q: Disney World has declared independence? How can we prevent the carnage? A: He thinks he is a superhero. He is mistaken. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted January 1, 2020 Report Share Posted January 1, 2020 On 12/29/2019 at 3:52 PM, Michael Hopcroft said: Q: Disney World has declared independence? How can we prevent the carnage? A: He thinks he is a superhero. He is mistaken. Q: Can you believe that Clark Kent is attempting to rescue everyone on that boat? A: Nature is taking a holiday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted January 2, 2020 Report Share Posted January 2, 2020 20 hours ago, Asperion said: A: Nature is taking a holiday. Q: What do you mean there's no prestigious British science weekly coming this Friday?!? A: It's the only paper in England with chromosomal gene maps instead of Page 3 girls! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted January 2, 2020 Report Share Posted January 2, 2020 3 hours ago, Cancer said: A: It's the only paper in England with chromosomal gene maps instead of Page 3 girls! Q: How do you know the Master has entered the field of journalism? A: Here comes a Thought that might alarm you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 2, 2020 Report Share Posted January 2, 2020 15 hours ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: Here comes a Thought that might alarm you. Q: Actually, it could get worse.... A: The last thing I want to do is to hurt you. But it is on the list. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted January 2, 2020 Report Share Posted January 2, 2020 40 minutes ago, Pariah said: A: The last thing I want to do is to hurt you. But it is on the list. Q: Happy New Year! What are some of your resolutions? A: He actually could accomplish something in his life if he weren't too busy posing as a poseur. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted January 4, 2020 Report Share Posted January 4, 2020 On January 2, 2020 at 12:10 PM, tkdguy said: A: He actually could accomplish something in his life if he weren't too busy posing as a poseur. Q: Did you hear about the British adult film producer who stood for Parliament? A: Violet-veined virtual Virginian vulgar veterinary Volvox ventures. tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted January 4, 2020 Report Share Posted January 4, 2020 8 hours ago, Cancer said: A: Violet-veined virtual Virginian vulgar veterinary Volvox ventures. Q: Very good! Can you say "Titus the tailor told ten tall tales to Titania the titmouse?" A: She plays Medea later this week. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted January 8, 2020 Report Share Posted January 8, 2020 On 1/4/2020 at 9:52 AM, Michael Hopcroft said: Q: Very good! Can you say "Titus the tailor told ten tall tales to Titania the titmouse?" A: She plays Medea later this week. Q: Does she believe that this role will strike be her rise to fame? A: That was Frankenstein with Medusa. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted January 8, 2020 Report Share Posted January 8, 2020 40 minutes ago, Asperion said: A: That was Frankenstein with Medusa. Q: Why is that mob of villagers standing so still and turning grey? A: Don't worry. Don't lose your head. I never meant to hurt anyone! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted January 8, 2020 Report Share Posted January 8, 2020 15 hours ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: Don't worry. Don't lose your head. I never meant to hurt anyone! Q: Name three things a guillotine operator says that nobody takes seriously. A: When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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