Pariah Posted August 21, 2017 Report Share Posted August 21, 2017 A: I'm sorry, we do not have that item tonight. The penguins ate it all. Q: May I have the smoked kipper souffle? A: I don't know how to tell you this, but that's been out of circulation for a long, long time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marcus Impudite Posted August 22, 2017 Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 Q: May I have the smoked kipper souffle? A: I don't know how to tell you this, but that's been out of circulation for a long, long time. Q: Why are you looking at me like that? All I said is that I'd like to buy a copy of Wings of the Valkyrie... A: One upon a time I was fallin' in love, now I'm only fallin' apart. Nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted August 22, 2017 Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 Q: Why are you looking at me like that? All I said is that I'd like to buy a copy of Wings of the Valkyrie... A: One upon a time I was fallin' in love, now I'm only fallin' apart. Nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart... Q: What are you doing to Commander Data? A: We are destroying this destroyed planet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted August 22, 2017 Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 A: One upon a time I was fallin' in love, now I'm only fallin' apart. Nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart... Q: How do you know this station is owned by the same people who run torture chambers for the CIA? A: We are destroying this destroyed planet. Q: Why you tearing down the Imperial Guard monument to the Glorious Victory of Alderaan? A: I've got my mind set on you, my phaser set on Stun, and my microwave set on 50% for eight minutes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 22, 2017 Report Share Posted August 22, 2017 A: I've got my mind set on you, my phaser set on Stun, and my microwave set on 50% for eight minutes. Q: You don't get a lot of second dates, do you? A: All I know is steak tastes better when I take my steak-tastes-better pill. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted August 23, 2017 Report Share Posted August 23, 2017 A: All I know is steak tastes better when I take my steak-tastes-better pill. Q: Man, the pharmaceutical industry really has their hooks into you, don't they? A: This kid's cartoon is banned in Russia -- and damn proud of it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted August 24, 2017 Report Share Posted August 24, 2017 A: This kid's cartoon is banned in Russia -- and damn proud of it! Q: Your daughter made a manga depicting Vladimir Putin and Donald Trump in a tryst with a succubus?! A: When the rains have come. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted August 25, 2017 Report Share Posted August 25, 2017 A: When the rains have come. Q: When will this dead river have water in it again? A: I picked a horrible day to go sane. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted August 25, 2017 Report Share Posted August 25, 2017 A: I picked a horrible day to go sane. Q: The Rigellians have come and are harvesting all the humans in Portland as meat animals. How do you feel? A: Meh, "sanity" is just the bastard offspring of Satan and inanity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted August 28, 2017 Report Share Posted August 28, 2017 A: Meh, "sanity" is just the bastard offspring of Satan and inanity. Q: Why is it that the most interesting evangelists are completely off their rocker? A: Acting as though the Grey Men in Purple could come at any moment is not going to get this room cleaned, Mister! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted September 7, 2017 Report Share Posted September 7, 2017 Anyone? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 7, 2017 Report Share Posted September 7, 2017 A: Acting as though the Grey Men in Purple could come at any moment is not going to get this room cleaned, Mister! Q: Is it absolutely, positively necessary that I have a clean room for the Space-based Apocalypse? A: You can run, but you can't hide. Actually, you can't even run. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted September 10, 2017 Report Share Posted September 10, 2017 Q: Is it absolutely, positively necessary that I have a clean room for the Space-based Apocalypse? A: You can run, but you can't hide. Actually, you can't even run. Q: What is that chrono-bubble going to be for? A: That was a Hulk- sneeze! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted September 10, 2017 Report Share Posted September 10, 2017 A: That was a Hulk- sneeze! Q: What happens when you don't wish Bruce Banner "Gesundheit!"? A: There has never been a second in my life where I have not been angry. Now point me at those **** Pigs! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted September 20, 2017 Report Share Posted September 20, 2017 Q: What happens when you don't wish Bruce Banner "Gesundheit!"? A: There has never been a second in my life where I have not been angry. Now point me at those **** Pigs! Q: Dr. Strange, what is your opinion of the Cult of Dormammu? A: He is the Director of Obtusivication. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted September 20, 2017 Report Share Posted September 20, 2017 A: He is the Director of Obtusivication. Q: Cancer has accepted a position with the Foxbat World Leadership Foundation! What is he doing there? A: Hey, it's better phunded than teaching physics to phools! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted September 22, 2017 Report Share Posted September 22, 2017 A: Hey, it's better phunded than teaching physics to phools! Q: Why are you leaving with the Fummer Foldier and the Funfhine Patriot? A: Get Rich Quick with Communism! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 22, 2017 Report Share Posted September 22, 2017 A: Get Rich Quick with Communism! Q: Karl Marx wrote another book later in his career? A: There were red flags everywhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted September 22, 2017 Report Share Posted September 22, 2017 A: There were red flags everywhere. Q: How can you tell you're in Norman after the Sooners have won it all? A: Hey, it could also be Alabama. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted September 22, 2017 Report Share Posted September 22, 2017 A: Hey, it could also be Alabama. Q: I am so miserable here is Mississippi! Do you have any words of comfort? A: Gotta go, honey. Time to swim to work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 22, 2017 Report Share Posted September 22, 2017 A: Gotta go, honey. Time to swim to work. Q: What evidence do you have that global warming is real? A: Get a half-life! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted September 22, 2017 Report Share Posted September 22, 2017 A: Get a half-life! Q: You seem a bit ... unhinged, as it were. What if you're not stable? A: 3.8235 days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted September 22, 2017 Report Share Posted September 22, 2017 A: 3.8235 days. Q: How long does it take before your butter becomes indistinguishable from a dead crab? A: With an Uzi in the left hand, a machete in the right, let us go out Ramboing across the town tonight! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted September 22, 2017 Report Share Posted September 22, 2017 A: With an Uzi in the left hand, a machete in the right, let us go out Ramboing across the town tonight! Q: So, you finally got a date with that militant feminist you've been lusting after, did you? A: All the gold in California. Michael Hopcroft 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted September 23, 2017 Report Share Posted September 23, 2017 A: All the gold in California. Q: What do you need to be a good disaster prepper in the suburbs of San Francisco? A: How dare you cite credible references and demand repeatable results! tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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