Cancer Posted March 6, 2018 Report Share Posted March 6, 2018 On February 27, 2018 at 3:49 PM, Michael Hopcroft said: A: If you use puns, seek professional help. Q: If I explain Maxwell's equations in four ribald limericks, do I get more points? A: Amazon does not deliver to the Amazon. Pariah 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucius Posted March 6, 2018 Report Share Posted March 6, 2018 12 minutes ago, Cancer said: Q: If I explain Maxwell's equations in four ribald limericks, do I get more points? A: Amazon does not deliver to the Amazon. Q: Why couldn't I get that replica battle ax to my paramour by Valentine's Day? A: Presumably he hasn't composed them yet Lucius Alexander Unquestionably a palindromedary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted March 6, 2018 Report Share Posted March 6, 2018 11 hours ago, Lucius said: A: Presumably he hasn't composed them yet Q: Where are those symphonies I commissioned from Rachmaninoff last week? A: It takes a little bit longer than that to make a superhero blockbuster. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 7, 2018 Report Share Posted March 7, 2018 Q: The Flash told us he wants his movie released next week. A: No, I'm pretty sure that pumpkin pie counts as a vegetable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted March 7, 2018 Report Share Posted March 7, 2018 10 hours ago, Pariah said: A: No, I'm pretty sure that pumpkin pie counts as a vegetable. Q: What makes Thanksgiving so frustrating at the USDA? A: I'm a Drill Instructor. Tearing people down to build them back up again in my image is my job. I hope you will keep that in mind, Your Honor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted March 7, 2018 Report Share Posted March 7, 2018 22 minutes ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: I'm a Drill Instructor. Tearing people down to build them back up again in my image is my job. I hope you will keep that in mind, Your Honor. Q: Why, exactly, do you have the body parts from 129 individuals in your barracks, Sergeant Frankenstein? A: I haven't had my morning coffee yet, so the only answer I can give is: Take him out and hang him, and leave him there until the bones fall apart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted March 7, 2018 Report Share Posted March 7, 2018 3 hours ago, Cancer said: A: I haven't had my morning coffee yet, so the only answer I can give is: Take him out and hang him, and leave him there until the bones fall apart. Q: What do you want to do with this jaywalker, Judge Judy? A: I find the complete absence of rats disturbing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 7, 2018 Report Share Posted March 7, 2018 45 minutes ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: I find the complete absence of rats disturbing. Q: PeTA objects to our use of rats in this research facility, and besides, hipsters are easier to find. A: Surely not everybody wants a rock to wind a piece of string around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted March 7, 2018 Report Share Posted March 7, 2018 19 minutes ago, Pariah said: A: Surely not everybody wants a rock to wind a piece of string around. Q: Hear that, Outrageous Fortune? We've got the slings and arrows now! A: Give the bear his pIzza and just let it go, Ernie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted March 11, 2018 Report Share Posted March 11, 2018 On 3/7/2018 at 2:28 PM, Michael Hopcroft said: Q: Hear that, Outrageous Fortune? We've got the slings and arrows now! A: Give the bear his pIzza and just let it go, Ernie. Q: What is the most frustrating thing about visiting Jellystone Park? A: We hope that you have enjoyed your Death Day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted March 12, 2018 Report Share Posted March 12, 2018 23 hours ago, Asperion said: A: We hope that you have enjoyed your Death Day. Q: How does an inhabitant of Ankh-Morpork know he's really fouled things up? A: My facts are invented. I sound quite demented. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 12, 2018 Report Share Posted March 12, 2018 2 minutes ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: My facts are invented. I sound quite demented. Q: Who is Donald Trump? A: I'll take "Politics Today" for $400, Alex. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted March 13, 2018 Report Share Posted March 13, 2018 23 hours ago, Pariah said: A: I'll take "Politics Today" for $400, Alex. Q: Back from commercial break, and four categories have been exhausted! What'll it be? A: Tell me more about eyes and sharp sticks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted March 13, 2018 Report Share Posted March 13, 2018 1 hour ago, Cancer said: Q: Back from commercial break, and four categories have been exhausted! What'll it be? A: Tell me more about eyes and sharp sticks. Q: Did you say that you would like a demonstration of what I could do with this stick? A: This shadow has its own unlife. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted March 13, 2018 Report Share Posted March 13, 2018 1 hour ago, Asperion said: A: This shadow has its own unlife. Q: What do you mean Lamont Cranston is now a vampire? A: I don't care about your sales, I'm here to protect the public! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted March 15, 2018 Report Share Posted March 15, 2018 On March 12, 2018 at 9:05 PM, Michael Hopcroft said: A: I don't care about your sales, I'm here to protect the public! Q: It's gluten-free! It's got 14,000 milligrams of caffiene in each can! It has enough more blue coloring than a freight train full of TiDeeBowl! It's got enough radium in it so you can see it glow from low Earth Orbit! It comes in three flavors: Mango Polonium 210 Fruit Bat, Jasmine Fugu Pumpkin Molasses Sriracha, and Pomegranate Bacon Rutabaga Dark Chocolate VX! I tell ya, this is the product for everyone, and we'll make billions! So why aren't you just telling me to shut up and take your money? A: Grand Theft Star Destroyer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted March 16, 2018 Report Share Posted March 16, 2018 20 hours ago, Cancer said: A: Grand Theft Star Destroyer. Q: Welcome back to Mos Eisley jail, Mr. Solo, and what are you charged with this time? A: I demand noodles of a delicious nature and delivered in a timely manner! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucius Posted March 16, 2018 Report Share Posted March 16, 2018 1 hour ago, Michael Hopcroft said: Q: Welcome back to Mos Eisley jail, Mr. Solo, and what are you charged with this time? A: I demand noodles of a delicious nature and delivered in a timely manner! Q: Thank you for calling Cheer King Star restaurant, what can we do for you? A: Because it feels so good when I stop Lucius Alexander Unquestionably a palindromedary Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted March 16, 2018 Report Share Posted March 16, 2018 19 hours ago, Lucius said: A: Because it feels so good when I stop Q: What is the reason for your thing about thumbscrews. A: Tell me everything I know, or else! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 16, 2018 Report Share Posted March 16, 2018 9 minutes ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: Tell me everything I know, or else! Q: Look, I've already told you that you're suffering from long-term memory loss as a result of being beaten to a pulp by Iron Man. I don't know what else you expect me to do. A: This is the greatest show! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted March 20, 2018 Report Share Posted March 20, 2018 On 3/16/2018 at 4:15 PM, Pariah said: Q: Look, I've already told you that you're suffering from long-term memory loss as a result of being beaten to a pulp by Iron Man. I don't know what else you expect me to do. A: This is the greatest show! Q: Welcome to the Show of Your Life. Do you have any special comments? A: The Insanity Project is completed - we can now make everyone normal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted March 24, 2018 Report Share Posted March 24, 2018 On 3/20/2018 at 7:42 AM, Asperion said: A: The Insanity Project is completed - we can now make everyone normal. Q: How are you planning to prevent the emergence of the next Vincent Van Gogh? A: You're an inspiration to every punk kid with a gun and a ski mask. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted March 24, 2018 Report Share Posted March 24, 2018 24 minutes ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: You're an inspiration to every punk kid with a gun and a ski mask. Q: I just mugged a Congressman! A: I can't tell if it's made of adamantium, unobtainium, naquadah, or Questonite. In the final analysis, I guess it doesn't really matter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted March 24, 2018 Report Share Posted March 24, 2018 54 minutes ago, Pariah said: A: I can't tell if it's made of adamantium, unobtainium, naquadah, or Questonite. In the final analysis, I guess it doesn't really matter. Q: You say you are holding a shield. I see no shield. Do you always carry weapons that don't exist? A: Nothing Unreal exists, with the possible exception of Fortnite. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted March 27, 2018 Report Share Posted March 27, 2018 On March 24, 2018 at 11:09 AM, Michael Hopcroft said: A: Nothing Unreal exists, with the possible exception of Fortnite. Q: Why was Real Analysis your favorite math class? A: You don't have to be Dr. Evil to be surrounded by frickin' idiots, you know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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