Michael Hopcroft Posted June 12, 2018 Report Share Posted June 12, 2018 6 hours ago, Asperion said: A: The Sun went on vacation. Q: how did British Journalism get so much better in the last week? 2 hours ago, clnicholsusa said: A: That wasn't income, those funds were manna from heathens. I misspell (and regret) nothing! Q: You just bought a $100 million dollar jet, Rev. Mastersen. So why haven't you filed a tax return in eighteen years? A: I release you from the burden of material possessions! You should be grateful! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 12, 2018 Report Share Posted June 12, 2018 1 hour ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: I release you from the burden of material possessions! You should be grateful! Q: You just stole my house, my car, and my entire life savings, and you want me to thank you for it?! A: As the saying goes. "There are no old, bold bass players." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clnicholsusa Posted June 12, 2018 Report Share Posted June 12, 2018 1 hour ago, Pariah said: Q: You just stole my house, my car, and my entire life savings, and you want me to thank you for it?! A: As the saying goes. "There are no old, bold bass players." Q: How do you plan to defeat the nefarious Dr. Hoover Head by catching fish? A: It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 12, 2018 Report Share Posted June 12, 2018 11 hours ago, clnicholsusa said: Q: How do you plan to defeat the nefarious Dr. Hoover Head by catching fish? A: It's a big building with patients, but that's not important right now. Q: You're taking me to a hospital? Mommy, I don't even know what a hospital is! A: And here I am, waiting with ever-decreasing patience for you to take the hint and go away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clnicholsusa Posted June 13, 2018 Report Share Posted June 13, 2018 12 hours ago, Michael Hopcroft said: Q: You're taking me to a hospital? Mommy, I don't even know what a hospital is! A: And here I am, waiting with ever-decreasing patience for you to take the hint and go away. Q: Surely you can't be serious, could you fly this plane, and land it? A: I am serious... and don't call me Shirley. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 13, 2018 Report Share Posted June 13, 2018 6 hours ago, clnicholsusa said: Q: Surely you can't be serious, could you fly this plane, and land it? A: I am serious... and don't call me Shirley. Q: Surely you must be joking, Hazel! A: And that is how they make sausage, son. Bratwurst? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 13, 2018 Report Share Posted June 13, 2018 4 hours ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: And that is how they make sausage, son. Bratwurst? Q: So Dad ... they make liverwurst out of liver, bockwurst out of Shiner Bock, knockwurst out of cudgels, jagdwurst out of jaguars, and currywurst out of Golden State point guards? A: Yes, Rule 34 says that there's porn out there about streptococcus. Or at least what the authors thought streptococcus is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 13, 2018 Report Share Posted June 13, 2018 4 hours ago, Cancer said: A: Yes, Rule 34 says that there's porn out there about streptococcus. Or at least what the authors thought streptococcus is. Q: What makes you think people are sexually aroused by scarlet fever? A: You give me fever! Also sweats, clammy skin, and difficulties holding down food. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 13, 2018 Report Share Posted June 13, 2018 1 minute ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: You give me fever! Also sweats, clammy skin, and difficulties holding down food. Q: Hi, I'm David Wolfe! A: to begin with, you can bring me the Food Babe, alive and unharmed. For interrogation purposes, of course. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clnicholsusa Posted June 14, 2018 Report Share Posted June 14, 2018 5 hours ago, Pariah said: Q: Hi, I'm David Wolfe! A: to begin with, you can bring me the Food Babe, alive and unharmed. For interrogation purposes, of course. Q: What do I do with these genetically-engineered talking pigs? A: That'll do, pig. That'll do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 15, 2018 Report Share Posted June 15, 2018 On 6/13/2018 at 9:00 PM, clnicholsusa said: A: That'll do, pig. That'll do. Q: Slaughterhouse? You want me to go to the SLAUGHTERHOUSE? After all I've done for this farm? I've got half a mind to send YOU to the slaughterhouse, you blankety blank blank.... A: Imagine the enormous commercial possibilities of porcine aviation! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 15, 2018 Report Share Posted June 15, 2018 6 hours ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: Imagine the enormous commercial possibilities of porcine aviation! Q: "BACON BOMBERZZ"? A: In this case, "S.W.A.K." means SchweinWaffenAbwehrKanone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clnicholsusa Posted June 16, 2018 Report Share Posted June 16, 2018 7 hours ago, Cancer said: Q: "BACON BOMBERZZ"? A: In this case, "S.W.A.K." means SchweinWaffenAbwehrKanone. Q: We received your designs, but why is the envelope marked SWAK? A: Gimme a ticket for an aeroplane, ain't got time to take a fast train, lonely days are gone, I'm a-goin' home, my baby, just-a wrote me a letter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 16, 2018 Report Share Posted June 16, 2018 11 hours ago, clnicholsusa said: A: Gimme a ticket for an aeroplane, ain't got time to take a fast train, lonely days are gone, I'm a-goin' home, my baby, just-a wrote me a letter. Q: Aren't yo overreacting to her postcard from Venice? A: Don't ask me to clean up after your Golden Calf. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 16, 2018 Report Share Posted June 16, 2018 4 hours ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: Don't ask me to clean up after your Golden Calf. Q: Here, take this silver-plated pooper scooper. A: We accept cash, check, most major credit cards, or 15 mL of spinal fluid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 16, 2018 Report Share Posted June 16, 2018 1 minute ago, Pariah said: A: We accept cash, check, most major credit cards, or 15 mL of spinal fluid. Q: How do I get a case of your new Brain Drain (TM) product? A: That's not aqueous humor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clnicholsusa Posted June 17, 2018 Report Share Posted June 17, 2018 8 hours ago, Cancer said: Q: How do I get a case of your new Brain Drain (TM) product? A: That's not aqueous humor. Q: What did the critic's say about Arthur Curry's stand-up routine? A: I’m really influenced by Mozart and Bach, and it’s kind of in-between. It’s like a Mach piece, really. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 17, 2018 Report Share Posted June 17, 2018 12 hours ago, clnicholsusa said: A: I’m really influenced by Mozart and Bach, and it’s kind of in-between. It’s like a Mach piece, really. Q: Why are you playing that piece at 660 beats per minute? A: He must be an avid bird watcher. All he ever talks about is tits and boobies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clnicholsusa Posted June 17, 2018 Report Share Posted June 17, 2018 44 minutes ago, Pariah said: Q: Why are you playing that piece at 660 beats per minute? A: He must be an avid bird watcher. All he ever talks about is tits and boobies. Q: Have you met that Larry Flynt character? A: That's why JFK Jr. and I hate what the internet age has done to magazine sales. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 18, 2018 Report Share Posted June 18, 2018 6 hours ago, clnicholsusa said: A: That's why JFK Jr. and I hate what the internet age has done to magazine sales. Q: And next on out show, the ghost of Hugh Hefner. How upset are you about watching recent developments from wherever you are right now? A: Shut up! I haven't executed you yet! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 18, 2018 Report Share Posted June 18, 2018 2 hours ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: Shut up! I haven't executed you yet! Q: "Would you please hit carriage return?" asks ENDOFTHEWORLD.EXE A: Gannets and chickadees over here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucius Posted June 18, 2018 Report Share Posted June 18, 2018 5 hours ago, Cancer said: A: Gannets and chickadees over here. Q: Didn't you promise there would be dinosaurs? A: Trust no one! Keep your laser handy! Lucius Alexander The palindromedary is your friend Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 18, 2018 Report Share Posted June 18, 2018 55 minutes ago, Lucius said: A: Trust no one! Keep your laser handy! Q: As a veteran science teacher, what's the best advice you've ever received from a colleague? A: That's about as much uplift as we're ever likely to see around here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 19, 2018 Report Share Posted June 19, 2018 15 hours ago, Pariah said: A: That's about as much uplift as we're ever likely to see around here. Q: What does it mean when you use up your sapience-setting genetic material on chickens? A: Chickens can be surprisingly smart when given the chance. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted June 19, 2018 Report Share Posted June 19, 2018 4 hours ago, Michael Hopcroft said: Q: What does it mean when you use up your sapience-setting genetic material on chickens? A: Chickens can be surprisingly smart when given the chance. Q: What is this image of Trump coming out of the chicken coup? A: Fire & Die Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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