Michael Hopcroft Posted June 19, 2018 Report Share Posted June 19, 2018 13 hours ago, Asperion said: A: Fire & Die Q: What does a soldier do when his smartgun is linked to a cortex bomb? A: Flirting was a lot less dangerous in my day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 19, 2018 Report Share Posted June 19, 2018 3 minutes ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: Flirting was a lot less dangerous in my day. Q: You got concussion and a subdural hematoma after being slapped across the room, and the next day you were fired, blacklisted, indicted, had nine restraining orders and four different lawsuits filed against you, and you've got three different confrontational-journalism camera teams already infiltrated into your hospital room? A: If you actually had any money worth taking that would make a lot more sense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 19, 2018 Report Share Posted June 19, 2018 2 hours ago, Cancer said: A: If you actually had any money worth taking that would make a lot more sense. Q: Stand and Deliver! Your money or your life! - Come on, it can't be THAT hard a decision! A: Sir, the men weren't trained for Gorilla Warfare! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clnicholsusa Posted June 20, 2018 Report Share Posted June 20, 2018 2 hours ago, Michael Hopcroft said: Q: Stand and Deliver! Your money or your life! - Come on, it can't be THAT hard a decision! A: Sir, the men weren't trained for Gorilla Warfare! Q: Yes, the anteaters are fascinating, but it's a big zoo so who's up for the Monkey House? A: I've got no reason to care about the poor souls in GITMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 20, 2018 Report Share Posted June 20, 2018 1 hour ago, clnicholsusa said: A: I've got no reason to care about the poor souls in GITMO. Q: Sir, your in-laws are trapped and haven't found a wayy off the Great Interstate Trefoil in Missouri. Shall we email them directions? A: Google Maps can handle it, but there's not a phone display in the Universe that can portray 4-space without vaporizing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 20, 2018 Report Share Posted June 20, 2018 1 hour ago, Cancer said: A: Google Maps can handle it, but there's not a phone display in the Universe that can portray 4-space without vaporizing. Q: I asked you for the best route to the Galaxy Far, Far Away. what's taking so long. A: We are all John Galt, which tends to get confusing during roll call. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 20, 2018 Report Share Posted June 20, 2018 9 minutes ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: We are all John Galt, which tends to get confusing during roll call. Q: Ms Rand was assimilated? A: That's tackier than a pad of post-it notes dunked in high fructose corn syrup! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 20, 2018 Report Share Posted June 20, 2018 14 hours ago, Cancer said: A: That's tackier than a pad of post-it notes dunked in high fructose corn syrup! Q: What did you think of the disco I just opened? A: That was so very 1979 of you! Cancer 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clnicholsusa Posted June 21, 2018 Report Share Posted June 21, 2018 8 hours ago, Michael Hopcroft said: Q: What did you think of the disco I just opened? A: That was so very 1979 of you! Q: It's a catchy tune about not giving up, and Gloria Gaynor's got a great set of pipes, so what's not to love about it? A: Nobody believes what you say, it's just your jive talkin' that gets in the way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 21, 2018 Report Share Posted June 21, 2018 13 hours ago, clnicholsusa said: A: Nobody believes what you say, it's just your jive talkin' that gets in the way. Q: Sure I'll make you rich, buddy! Care to sign this contract? I'll need some of your blood first.... A: I hope you don't mind that I ordered the fish tonight. it's doing backflips in the kitchen as we speak. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 26, 2018 Report Share Posted June 26, 2018 On 6/21/2018 at 10:17 AM, Michael Hopcroft said: A: I hope you don't mind that I ordered the fish tonight. it's doing backflips in the kitchen as we speak. Q: Hey, how's that animal control power developing for you? A: Taco Flats. The first one. The "Now over 2000 tacos returned" Taco Flats. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted June 26, 2018 Report Share Posted June 26, 2018 3 hours ago, Cancer said: Q: Hey, how's that animal control power developing for you? A: Taco Flats. The first one. The "Now over 2000 tacos returned" Taco Flats. Q: How is your experiment in meatless tacos coming along? A: On the myth-bed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clnicholsusa Posted June 26, 2018 Report Share Posted June 26, 2018 18 minutes ago, Asperion said: Q: How is your experiment in meatless tacos coming along? A: On the myth-bed. Q: Doeth anybody know where Mitheth Thimpthon ith? A: That would be the Evaluation of Two Skid-Mounted Core Drills for Airfield Pavement Evaluation pamphlet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 26, 2018 Report Share Posted June 26, 2018 8 hours ago, clnicholsusa said: A: That would be the Evaluation of Two Skid-Mounted Core Drills for Airfield Pavement Evaluation pamphlet. Q: I may be smart enough to be an airline pilot, but I still can't follow these takeoff instructions. How can an airport come up with guidelines that are even LESS comprehensible? A: You need a Diva Review! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 26, 2018 Report Share Posted June 26, 2018 1 hour ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: You need a Diva Review! Q: How can I find out whether Carlotta or Christine sang as Prima Donna in last night's opera? A: The right place and the right time is here and now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 27, 2018 Report Share Posted June 27, 2018 On 6/26/2018 at 7:41 AM, Pariah said: A: The right place and the right time is here and now. Q: I took a wrong turn in my time machine and got lost. Can you tell me where and when I am? A: And this is when you realize your summoning circle could have used a few more Energizers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 28, 2018 Report Share Posted June 28, 2018 8 hours ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: And this is when you realize your summoning circle could have used a few more Energizers. Q: All that work, and all we got was one of Azathoth's used tampons? A: That's pretty nyarly, Mr. Thotep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 28, 2018 Report Share Posted June 28, 2018 14 hours ago, Cancer said: A: That's pretty nyarly, Mr. Thotep. Q: I can end this universe with my mastery of Psychology and electricity! What do you think of that, Mr. Carter? A: Ten out of ten dentists recommend Food(tm) for their patients who eat! tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted July 2, 2018 Report Share Posted July 2, 2018 On 6/28/2018 at 9:00 AM, Michael Hopcroft said: Q: I can end this universe with my mastery of Psychology and electricity! What do you think of that, Mr. Carter? A: Ten out of ten dentists recommend Food(tm) for their patients who eat! Q: Why is there this large plate before everyone? A: The life of death Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clnicholsusa Posted July 2, 2018 Report Share Posted July 2, 2018 2 hours ago, Asperion said: Q: Why is there this large plate before everyone? A: The life of death Q: So what WAS the most difficult autobiography you had to ghost-author? A: It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted July 2, 2018 Report Share Posted July 2, 2018 11 hours ago, clnicholsusa said: A: It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues. Q: Don't you care about Grant's drinking, Mr. President? A: I don't see how you can possibly justify your actions, given what you're wearing on your sleeve right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clnicholsusa Posted July 3, 2018 Report Share Posted July 3, 2018 10 hours ago, Michael Hopcroft said: Q: Don't you care about Grant's drinking, Mr. President? A: I don't see how you can possibly justify your actions, given what you're wearing on your sleeve right now. Q: The flooring conceals not the noise, so why leave under the planks the icon of my triumph when I can wear it as an epaulet? A: They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted July 3, 2018 Report Share Posted July 3, 2018 13 hours ago, clnicholsusa said: A: They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night. Q: You work twelve hours a day as a graveyard shift security guard? How do you manage that? A: This will make guns obsolete in five years! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clnicholsusa Posted July 4, 2018 Report Share Posted July 4, 2018 11 hours ago, Michael Hopcroft said: Q: You work twelve hours a day as a graveyard shift security guard? How do you manage that? A: This will make guns obsolete in five years! Q: In what way, Mr. President, is the issue of wristwatches with self-aiming death rays a part of your new law and order initiative? A: When you see the other side chopping off heads, waterboarding doesn't sound very severe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted July 10, 2018 Report Share Posted July 10, 2018 On 7/3/2018 at 10:53 PM, clnicholsusa said: Q: In what way, Mr. President, is the issue of wristwatches with self-aiming death rays a part of your new law and order initiative? A: When you see the other side chopping off heads, waterboarding doesn't sound very severe. Q: Why is there a requestion for 5000 axes during this time of drought? A: The silly one does all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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