Michael Hopcroft Posted June 3, 2019 Report Share Posted June 3, 2019 15 hours ago, clnicholsusa said: A: I still say the worst bear to meet in the wild is Gryllis. Q: Can you do something about these bears in neckties, Ranger Smith? I went to the park to avoid panhandlers! A: One cold, wet, miserable way to die coming up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 3, 2019 Report Share Posted June 3, 2019 1 hour ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: One cold, wet, miserable way to die coming up! Q: I'm interested in your "Swim with the Narwhals" program! What am I in for? A: The decision has already been made. You can save us a step by recycling your questionnaire. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 3, 2019 Report Share Posted June 3, 2019 1 minute ago, Cancer said: A: The decision has already been made. You can save us a step by recycling your questionnaire. Q: Hey, I heard you were in the market for an Environmental Impact Analyst! Where do I sign up? A: For the last time, Elmo is red, Grover is blue! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 3, 2019 Report Share Posted June 3, 2019 11 minutes ago, Pariah said: A: For the last time, Elmo is red, Grover is blue! Q: And which Muppet is endorsing which candidates, again? A: Add a few Muppet pigs. Everything is better with Muppet pigs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted June 3, 2019 Report Share Posted June 3, 2019 59 minutes ago, Michael Hopcroft said: Q: And which Muppet is endorsing which candidates, again? A: Add a few Muppet pigs. Everything is better with Muppet pigs. Q: We need to liven up our karate segment. How do we do that? A: I really don't like the way he is smiling! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 4, 2019 Report Share Posted June 4, 2019 1 hour ago, tkdguy said: A: I really don't like the way he is smiling! Q: And this is your blind date, Hannibal. Can I bring you some wine? Maybe a nice Chianti? A: Color me infrared. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 4, 2019 Report Share Posted June 4, 2019 25 minutes ago, Pariah said: A: Color me infrared. Q: What happens when the lights go out? A: A nice microwave bath. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tkdguy Posted June 4, 2019 Report Share Posted June 4, 2019 34 minutes ago, Cancer said: Q: What happens when the lights go out? A: A nice microwave bath. Q: How do you follow up a gamma ray burst? A: Because they're not affected by ultraviolet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucius Posted June 4, 2019 Report Share Posted June 4, 2019 1 hour ago, tkdguy said: A: Because they're not affected by ultraviolet. Q: How come vampires in old folklore stories sometimes go about in broad daylight? A: Someone has set us up the bomb Lucius Alexander And now for something completely different: A palindromedary tkdguy 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 4, 2019 Report Share Posted June 4, 2019 20 minutes ago, Lucius said: A: Someone has set us up the bomb Q: All your base are screen Justice League in the rec centers? Heavens, why? A: The acoustics aren't terrible, but the atmosphere leaves a lot to be desired. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clnicholsusa Posted June 4, 2019 Report Share Posted June 4, 2019 39 minutes ago, Lucius said: The acoustics aren't terrible, but the atmosphere leaves a lot to be desired. Q: Why isn't the Red Rock Arena on Mars, like it sounds? A: There's no business like giving someone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 4, 2019 Report Share Posted June 4, 2019 1 minute ago, clnicholsusa said: A: Thought it was raining cats and dogs, but that looks more like a pineapple. Q: You say PETA has infiltrated the Weather Bureau? What makes you think that? A: The acoustics aren't terrible, but the atmosphere leaves a lot to be desired. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 5, 2019 Report Share Posted June 5, 2019 22 hours ago, clnicholsusa said: A: There's no business like giving someone. Q: I just got back from the store, dear, and I bought a child as a gift to the Gailmores. Think they'll like it? A: You know, that protrusion from the building wasn't designed to support the weight of a human being. I think I hear it already starting to creak... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted June 7, 2019 Report Share Posted June 7, 2019 On 6/4/2019 at 8:23 PM, Michael Hopcroft said: Q: I just got back from the store, dear, and I bought a child as a gift to the Gailmores. Think they'll like it? A: You know, that protrusion from the building wasn't designed to support the weight of a human being. I think I hear it already starting to creak... Q: Are you positive that this is the best place to play hangman with actual living humans? A: For this demo, we will need real live zombies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 8, 2019 Report Share Posted June 8, 2019 3 hours ago, Asperion said: A: For this demo, we will need real live zombies. Q: For some reason, the animatronic Jerry Garcia video didn't impress the studio. How can we win the contract anyway? A: It's called a spoon for a reason, you know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marcus Impudite Posted June 9, 2019 Report Share Posted June 9, 2019 On 6/7/2019 at 8:42 PM, Michael Hopcroft said: Q: For some reason, the animatronic Jerry Garcia video didn't impress the studio. How can we win the contract anyway? A: It's called a spoon for a reason, you know. Q: What was that piece that came off the grenade when I pulled the pin? A: The three shops in every town you should never, ever try to rob: the gun shop, the pawn shop, and the donut shop. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asperion Posted June 12, 2019 Report Share Posted June 12, 2019 On 6/8/2019 at 7:57 PM, Marcus Impudite said: Q: What was that piece that came off the grenade when I pulled the pin? A: The three shops in every town you should never, ever try to rob: the gun shop, the pawn shop, and the donut shop. Q: There is this one corner that no criminal will touch. Who is the master that rules around here? A: My get-up-and-go has died. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 12, 2019 Report Share Posted June 12, 2019 44 minutes ago, Asperion said: A: My get-up-and-go has died. Q: Why won't you go to the club with me? I hear the band is great! A: You told me we'd go clubbing tonight! But there's no band here, just a whole bunch of helpless baby seals... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clnicholsusa Posted June 12, 2019 Report Share Posted June 12, 2019 2 hours ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: You told me we'd go clubbing tonight! But there's no band here, just a whole bunch of helpless baby seals... Q: Why aren't you wearing your waders? A: Because he's at Mar-A-Lago this weekend, we probably won't even need the shovels. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 13, 2019 Report Share Posted June 13, 2019 On 6/11/2019 at 9:56 PM, clnicholsusa said: A: Because he's at Mar-A-Lago this weekend, we probably won't even need the shovels. Q: We need hazmat suits, industrial-strength chlorine bleach, flamethrowers, and rubber chicken to clean the Oval Office every night? A: Where's my rubber stamp? WHERE'S MY RUBBER STAMP? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucius Posted June 13, 2019 Report Share Posted June 13, 2019 5 hours ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: Where's my rubber stamp? WHERE'S MY RUBBER STAMP? Q: We need to put in this request for enhanced security to try to catch that thief. When can you have this paperwork processed? A: It is no use to curse me or to plead, These rules are the bureaucracy's not mine. The forms you have are not the forms you need. I find this form impossible to read. Lucius Alexander The palindromedary says stop Lucius before he quotes his own poetry again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cancer Posted June 13, 2019 Report Share Posted June 13, 2019 2 hours ago, Lucius said: A: It is no use to curse me or to plead, These rules are the bureaucracy's not mine. The forms you have are not the forms you need. I find this form impossible to read. Q: It's been thirteen eons, so I've served my time in Hell. I need your seal on this release form, may I get it, sir? A: The Company Store. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucius Posted June 13, 2019 Report Share Posted June 13, 2019 Quote A: The Company Store. Q: WHO did you say you owe your soul to? A: Another day older and deeper in debt. Lucius Alexander The palindromedary moved sixteen tons Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Hopcroft Posted June 13, 2019 Report Share Posted June 13, 2019 46 minutes ago, Lucius said: A: Another day older and deeper in debt. Q: What is the typical day in college like? A: There is no point to educating your child, so no I'm not going to admit them to Kindergarten. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pariah Posted June 13, 2019 Report Share Posted June 13, 2019 33 minutes ago, Michael Hopcroft said: A: There is no point to educating your child, so no I'm not going to admit them to Kindergarten. Q: What is your solution to public school overcrowding, Secretary DeVos? A: A nine-pound hammer should do it. Michael Hopcroft 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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