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1 hour ago, Michael Hopcroft said:

A: One cold, wet, miserable way to die coming up!

 

Q: I'm interested in your "Swim with the Narwhals" program!  What am I in for?

 

A: The decision has already been made.  You can save us a step by recycling your questionnaire.

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1 minute ago, Cancer said:

A: The decision has already been made.  You can save us a step by recycling your questionnaire.

 

Q:  Hey, I heard you were in the market for an Environmental Impact Analyst!  Where do I sign up?

 

A: For the last time, Elmo is red, Grover is blue!

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59 minutes ago, Michael Hopcroft said:

Q: And which Muppet is endorsing which candidates, again?

 

A: Add a few Muppet pigs. Everything is better with Muppet pigs.

 

Q: We need to liven up our karate segment. How do we do that?

 

A: I really don't like the way he is smiling!

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1 hour ago, tkdguy said:

A: I really don't like the way he is smiling!

 

Q: And this is your blind date, Hannibal. Can I bring you some wine? Maybe a nice Chianti?

 

A: Color me infrared.

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34 minutes ago, Cancer said:

 

Q: What happens when the lights go out?

 

A: A nice microwave bath.

 

Q: How do you follow up a gamma ray burst?

 

A: Because they're not affected by ultraviolet.

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1 hour ago, tkdguy said:

 

A: Because they're not affected by ultraviolet.

 

Q: How come vampires in old folklore stories sometimes go about in broad daylight?

 

A: Someone has set us up the bomb

 

Lucius Alexander

 

And now for something completely different: A palindromedary

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22 hours ago, clnicholsusa said:

 A: There's no business like giving someone.

Q: I just got back from the store, dear, and I bought a child as a gift to the Gailmores. Think they'll like it?

 

A: You know, that protrusion from the building wasn't designed to support the weight of a human being. I think I hear it already starting to creak...

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On 6/4/2019 at 8:23 PM, Michael Hopcroft said:

Q: I just got back from the store, dear, and I bought a child as a gift to the Gailmores. Think they'll like it?

 

A: You know, that protrusion from the building wasn't designed to support the weight of a human being. I think I hear it already starting to creak...

Q:  Are you positive that this is the best place to play hangman with actual living humans?

 

A:  For this demo, we will need real live zombies.

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On 6/7/2019 at 8:42 PM, Michael Hopcroft said:

Q: For some reason, the animatronic Jerry Garcia video didn't impress the studio. How can we win the contract anyway?

 

A: It's called a spoon for a reason, you know.

Q: What was that piece that came off the grenade when I pulled the pin?

 

A: The three shops in every town you should never, ever try to rob: the gun shop, the pawn shop, and the donut shop.

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On 6/8/2019 at 7:57 PM, Marcus Impudite said:

Q: What was that piece that came off the grenade when I pulled the pin?

 

A: The three shops in every town you should never, ever try to rob: the gun shop, the pawn shop, and the donut shop.

Q:  There is this one corner that no criminal will touch.  Who is the master that rules around here?

 

A:  My get-up-and-go has died.

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2 hours ago, Michael Hopcroft said:

A: You told me we'd go clubbing tonight!  But there's no band here, just a whole bunch of helpless baby seals...

Q: Why aren't you wearing your waders?

A: Because he's at Mar-A-Lago this weekend, we probably won't even need the shovels.

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On 6/11/2019 at 9:56 PM, clnicholsusa said:

A: Because he's at Mar-A-Lago this weekend, we probably won't even need the shovels.

Q: We need hazmat suits, industrial-strength chlorine bleach, flamethrowers, and rubber chicken to clean the Oval Office every night?

 

A: Where's my rubber stamp? WHERE'S MY RUBBER STAMP?

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5 hours ago, Michael Hopcroft said:

A: Where's my rubber stamp? WHERE'S MY RUBBER STAMP?

 

Q: We need to put in this request for enhanced security to try to catch that thief. When can you have this paperwork processed?

 

A: It is no use to curse me or to plead,
These rules are the bureaucracy's not mine.

The forms you have are not the forms you need.

I find this form impossible to read.

 

Lucius Alexander

 

The palindromedary says stop Lucius before he quotes his own poetry again!

 

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2 hours ago, Lucius said:

A: It is no use to curse me or to plead,
These rules are the bureaucracy's not mine.

The forms you have are not the forms you need.

I find this form impossible to read.

 

Q: It's been thirteen eons, so I've served my time in Hell.

I need your seal on this release form, may I get it, sir?

 

A: The Company Store.

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Quote

A: The Company Store.

 

Q: WHO did you say you owe your soul to?

 

A: Another day older and deeper in debt.

 

 

Lucius Alexander

 

The palindromedary moved sixteen tons

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33 minutes ago, Michael Hopcroft said:

A: There is no point to educating your child, so no I'm not going to admit them to Kindergarten.

 

Q: What is your solution to public school overcrowding, Secretary DeVos?

 

A: A nine-pound hammer should do it.

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